Women: have you ever exploited a man's interest for you own gain?

chalkandapples · 2023-12-27T04:28:23+00:00

Yes, but I was young and rejected enough favors to give myself plausible deniability in my own mind. Like I wouldn't let him buy me gifts or dinner, but would borrow notes and be bolder in asking him for help because I knew he would be more likely to say yes.

Now I think it was exploitive, but when I was younger I was convinced it was on him since I never lied or led him on in my mind.

Ok_Mathematician863 · 2023-12-27T05:08:31+00:00

Half way yes here. Not intentional exploitation, but beautiful women get special treatment from MANY men whom you aren’t interested in. If a man is offering to open my door, buys a trinket unsolicited, gets a card or flowers, etc. it’s not wrong to graciously accept and keep that in the friend zone.

There are elegant ways to receive whilst not having romantic interest.

leading on to keep receiving though? totally wrong.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-12-27T04:05:51+00:00

I had a guy friend who got me gifts for my birthday despite my protests. I was clear that I had no romantic interest in him, eventually I stopped talking to him because he kept making sexual comments, and at that point I was just done with telling him I had no romantic interest for the tenth time. In hindsight, I should have cut contact the second time I had to clarify my lack of interest, but I genuinelly did enjoy his company and I thought he'd stop talking to me if he couldn't get over his feelings. Didn't turn out that way but ya live and ya learn.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2023-12-27T04:04:12+00:00

No. It’s rude to lead someone on like that. I take pride in my strong moral compass and it would cause me psychological pain to treat someone like that. It makes me sick thinking about that. Of course I don’t like gifts or charity because I’m always suspicious of men expecting something I’m not willing to give in exchange for his “kindness”.

mrs_seng · 2023-12-27T07:42:21+00:00

No. I think it's immoral to exploit someone's feelings in any way.

AngeCruelle · 2023-12-27T05:41:00+00:00

No. I was raised to see accepting those sorts of gestures from a man as steps in a dance. If you don't want to keep dancing don't accept them.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-12-27T10:03:45+00:00

I have never been on a date or gotten any kind of present til after sex and after I was already crazy about the guy

ConanTheCybrarian · 2023-12-27T10:13:01+00:00

my best friend is a man. If he pays for dinner, he's not being a simp. He's buying his friend dinner and then I'll get the next one. 🤷

learn2earn89 · 2023-12-27T04:09:24+00:00

No, but I know one woman who’s done it. She’s really hot and she hates men in general, I think it’s cause a lot of men are pervs when it comes to attractive women. I’m not talking average women, but attractive women.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-12-27T03:45:45+00:00

No, I’ve ever done this. The only guys who have ever bought me gifts or spent any money on me have been past boyfriends and my husband. And even then, I have always reciprocated by buying them gifts and splitting the bills.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-12-27T11:33:20+00:00

Since I was 15, I was single for a month and a half, and I actually consider myself loyal, so I didn't go around leading guys on and never hid the fact that I'm in a relationship.

So no, I never exploited a guy for my own gain.

lle-ell · 2023-12-27T14:37:06+00:00

Only for WoW gold

Windmill_flowers · 2023-12-27T17:38:26+00:00

I'm ashamed to admit I have

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2023-12-27T20:27:22+00:00

I did in high school for weed and alcohol.

Uglypostwall · 2023-12-27T06:04:10+00:00

Yes

I was done with kindness or whatever femininity BS. I decided to use guys for free meals (not every time, as I was 30+ and wasn't getting asked out lol). They were into hookups anyway. Some guys (I don't think they are interested in me) - I ask them for help in electric repair (money saved lol).

I engage with other guys, not necessarily in a romantic context, to learn new things and seek advice. Additionally, I leverage these connections to promote my side hustle, taking the opportunity to share information with them.

operation-spot · 2023-12-27T03:44:31+00:00

I personally haven’t because I think it’s morally wrong but in theory I could. At the end of the day I can buy my own stuff but I understand that women in different situations have a different mindset.

SnooMarzipans6929 · 2023-12-27T04:36:36+00:00

Nah. That's a shitty thing to do. Seriously. Man or woman that is lower tier human behavior.

I'm sure we all know better to, right? (I hope ... The comments below give me hope).

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-12-27T04:30:29+00:00

No. Fucking gross. I buy what I want or need for myself and take pride in being able to provide the lifestyle I want to myself.

I had a good friend in residency who use to buy me gifts and do favors for me all the time. I finally had to tell him to stop and that it was making me uncomfortable. He admitted during that convo he had feelings for me and I told him I would be holding an even firmer line because I cared for him and didn’t want to hurt him by giving him mixed signals. We were co-Chief residents so it’s not like he could just disappear on me and go no contact, so it was very important he didn’t think he had a shot and get unnecessarily hurt by our daily interactions

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2023-12-27T04:07:29+00:00

No, and I’ve never witnessed it, either. Never seen orbiters helping platonic friends move, never seen them loan money or fix appliances

I don’t believe anyone in my sphere would be okay taking advantage of anyone. .

EulenWatcher · 2023-12-27T04:14:41+00:00

Nope. I had people having unrequested feelings for me that I tried to stay friends with...and it didn't work out, eventually I had to just cut contact. I didn't want to use them - I thought we could stay friends and they'd get over their feelings just as they said they would. They didn't and they viewed our friendship as an attempt to "woe" me even when I already was dating my husband. I've learnt the lesson.

Twinseo09 · 2023-12-27T04:37:20+00:00

None of that is exploiting. Buying me clothes with the assumption it leads to a romantic relationship or sex is a faulty judgment on your part. And, yes I’ll accept all of that with zero interest. You offer and I’ll take. Yet, I’ll repay it back with offering the same in return.

Elixier_55555 · 2023-12-27T06:21:24+00:00

Ooh yes. Absolutely. A thousand percent. And will do it again & they will let me...

No-Refrigerator3350 · 2023-12-27T07:09:56+00:00

Definitely.

Men have never felt bad using me as a piece of ass or arm candy so I don't feel bad. All men want is to be needed, so I've never felt bad.

notmyrealnamepapi · 2023-12-27T05:59:13+00:00

No, this mostly only happens in fantasy land

saraimarsena · 2023-12-27T05:09:03+00:00

perhaps indirectly.

i had an ex who wanted to get back together with me. he spent large amounts of money buying me gifts (airpods with his initials, several pairs of sneakers, money for my lunch), and I think that part of his motivation was trying to win me over. I told him in plain words that I didn’t want to be with him and he tried anyway 🤷🏽‍♀️ but looking back, I could’ve been cleaner in cutting him off.

concretecannonball · 2023-12-27T16:13:02+00:00

Honestly if it was worth the risk I would lol but it’s not

r/whenwomenrefuse

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basedmama21 · 2023-12-27T04:55:59+00:00

Noooooooooo. Never. That’s like the number one way to be a piece of complete sh!t.

I commented the other day that men used to take care of my drinks and food without even saying a word to me or expecting my number but that is vastly different. I have never in my life used a man to get material items, even one I was dating. The only nice things I have ever received were surprised gifts from a man I HIGHLY respected.

Ainsleygz · 2023-12-27T05:33:36+00:00

No, I’ve never used a guy for his money (other than my dad I guess lol)

froderenfelemus · 2023-12-27T06:19:59+00:00

No

I wouldn’t mislead someone I didn’t like. As in taking advantage of them because I know they liked me, and it was reciprocated.

avpd_girl · 2023-12-27T06:36:57+00:00

Not monetary.

Right-Butterfly5036 · 2023-12-27T06:57:20+00:00

No, I personally have never used a man like that. I’d rather get it myself so I didn’t have some freak breathing down my neck over 20-50$. 😅

I have seen other women do it at previous jobs I have worked at though. It seemed like it wasn’t worth the hassle of putting up with someone you didn’t like. They all were super unhappy with their lives, too.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-12-27T09:28:32+00:00

I haven't had the opportunity. No man, excluding relatives, has offered to get me a gift without reciprocation, excluding my ex who tried to buy me a chai latte once and I said no and bought it myself.

Mentathiel · 2023-12-27T10:26:04+00:00

Once I said I was curious to try a croissant near work, but didn't wanna buy it as I'd already had breakfast. A guy from work bought it and brought it to me a bit later. I wasn't gonna make him throw it out and it was only $2, but it didn't feel like entirely platonic niceness. Especially since he walked to work with me and then went back for it. It was definitely overeating to eat it at that point, so I really would have preferred that he hadn't done that.

Do you guys understand it as a request when we comment that we like/want something? I'm just talking about a thing I want, the same way a male friend might say "damn, I really want a PS5, that game is so cool" or something. Like, he obviously isn't asking me to buy it, he's just sharing about himself and his hobbies and stuff. And maybe I keep those types of things in mind to know his preferences for birthdays or whatever, but I wouldn't assume it to be a passive-aggressive request.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2023-12-27T12:01:47+00:00

No, never. I had one friend like this. I told him I just don§t feel it right after the first date. He seemed to take it fine and he agreed to be friends. So I thought we were friends, I didn't suspect any residual feelings from his side. Later it turned out he was just a "nice guy" that is nice just as long as he hopes for something more and he secretly hoped I will change my mind and date him if he pretends to be friend long enough.

I shared my problems and emotions with him. That's waht friends do. I didn't consider it using him, I genuinelly liked him as a friend. I didn't use him. I paid for myself, never him buy me anything.

Maybe someone will accused me I used him to vent my feelings and problems. No I didn't. It wasn't using him. It was just what I normally do with friends. It was genuine friendship from my side.

And I feel sad, upset and even betrayed that h was just predending and hoping I will change my mind.

So no, I never used a man that was intersted in me.

thelajestic · 2023-12-27T14:02:58+00:00

No. If I'm out to dinner with someone I split the bill (or we pay for what we had if there's a big disparity) regardless of whether it's a date or if I'm out with friends or co-workers.

And I wouldn't hint at or accept a random gift from someone. I can't imagine saying to someone "I need new shoes" unless it's "hey [husband] I needed new shoes so I've got some in the basket, do you need anything before I check out". I wouldn't even let my co-worker pay for my chewing gum (he was going to the shop and asked if anyone wanted anything and tried to stop me giving him the money for it). That wouldn't be "exploiting his interest" in me anyway because there is no interest. But the same would apply if it was someone who fancied me.

I've been offered drinks at bars a few times by strangers and always turned them down whether or not I was in a relationship at the time. With dates, colleagues or friends it's fairly standard to buy drinks as rounds and take turns paying. I have absolutely zero interest in being financed by other people. My mum always taught me that it isn't acceptable and that I need to pay my own way and it's a lesson I've always followed.

FaradayBurka · 2023-12-27T15:51:10+00:00

I really wanted to go to Homecoming when I was 16 years old and I needed a date. So I went with this guy I did not find attractive. Oh well, I guess you could see this as a gain maybe?

Safinated · 2023-12-27T20:06:39+00:00

Sure, just like men have exploited mine

gothiccbitch · 2023-12-28T03:13:20+00:00

yes. there is a guy that regularly sends me money for my accomplishments or sometimes just randomly, we don’t even talk much, i think he has a paypig kink. i flirt with the employees of my local car service shop and get work done for free. i’ve gotten free meals from restaurant owners, free gas, and free vapes, gifts here and there. i assume a man is interested every time something like this happens and i’m appreciative and naturally flirty but i don’t intend to take it further as i’m in a relationship. if it were to suddenly cease, i’d be okay. i never ask for these things, my personality and body type just gets me ahead and sometimes in trouble. sometimes my man even waits in the car when we get takeout from this one restaurant because he knows the owner likes me and will give it to me for free 💀. it literally just is a part of the matrix.

Kizka · 2023-12-28T05:24:56+00:00

No, also never been in such a situation. Maybe it's also cultural. Here in Germany guys usually don't just buy women things without being in a relationship with them. I accept gifts from my partner, but I also get him stuff, so it's equal. I honestly would feel very uncomfortable accepting things from someone who is interested in a relationship when I am not.

kayceeplusplus · 2023-12-29T23:39:47+00:00

Kind of. Back in March I went out with a guy I matched with on Tinder. I suggested a date at a concert I wanted to go to, so he drove me into the city and paid my cover fee. I didn’t mean to use him, I genuinely wanted to give him a chance, but I knew from the second I saw him irl that I just wasn’t attracted to him, even though he was kind and we had good conversation.

Title	Women: have you ever exploited a man's interest for you own gain?
Author	rejected-again
Upvotes	15
Comments	119
Date	December 27, 2023 3:41 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18rqubv/women_have_you_ever_exploited_a_mans_interest_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-have-you-ever-exploited-a-mans-interest-for.1241628 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241628

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