Do girls get off on ghosting guys?

DrumminD21 · 2022-08-11T06:06:14+00:00

I have a shameful story about ghosting I need to confess. I had been hanging out with this girl with a boyfriend. She was a lot younger than me. I didn't have any close friends where I lived, and greatly enjoyed the time I spent with her. There was nothing sexual or intimate happening. She was just a blast to be with and beautiful.

One week she stopped responding to me. I messaged her on Facebook, and there was no response for days. This was really unusual. I messaged her again, and didn't get an immediate response. I was really hurt and really mad.

I went to her page to FB stalk her in anger. I saw a message on her page that she had died, being hit by a car. My immediate reaction was relief at the fact that I was not being ghosted. In about 3 seconds, this relief turned into deep sadness. I mourned her for years. I still miss her despite only knowing her a short time.

I still feel guilty about that initial sense of relief I felt.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2022-08-11T04:04:57+00:00

Its definitely the latter. I'm a software developer and I get a lot of messages from recruiters. And I ghost a lot when job searching, just because of the amount of messages and lack of time. Also, its a little awkward to send a rejection message, especially when they try to get me to reconsider, so I end up ghosting.

Hagi89 · 2022-08-11T03:20:06+00:00

I think they have many options and if we don’t end up in the inner circle, we will be forgotten soon

DrumminD21 · 2022-08-11T05:57:26+00:00

I'm a man. In my prime I just stopped calling girls. I was just bored with them. It wasn't even a conscious decision. Something else would happen in my life to distract me from them, and I just no longer had any desire to communicate. I had no regard for how they may have felt. They no longer existed in my mind. I didn't realize how my behavior affected them until I got lonely in the future and started thinking about them and reached out to them again.

MermaidOfScandinavia · 2022-08-11T10:24:29+00:00

No its the fear of a angry confrontation that makes girls ghost. Not always a wallet reason but it does stem from a real place. Maybe one bad episode. I had and ex who would call and tell me he would find me and kill me because I broke up with him after finding out he had another girlfriend in a different city. Its not okay to ghost but its not done for a laugh.

officernogentleman · 2022-08-11T03:28:33+00:00

Their guilt is buried under their mountain of options.

hagakurejunkie · 2022-08-11T08:53:39+00:00

Ghosting actually means you had something romantic with her; ie you had sex, she said she liked you, you spent time with her etc

Then she left.

Most guys think they got ghosted when they exchange numbers with a girl and she never responds.

That means she just didn’t like you and gave you her number to get rid of you.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-08-11T15:29:28+00:00

They do it because it's easier than dealing with the confrontation that many guys will give them when they are honest about why they aren't interested in them.

jjboy91 · 2022-08-11T12:34:37+00:00

They experience abundance easily so of course they will ghost in their quest for the best partner

hawk181 · 2022-08-11T12:37:18+00:00

I think there's a few factors need to be considered here, for one, yes there can potentially be a lot of guys after one girl and she just won't physically be able to maintain regular communication with all of the guys she comes across because it would be just too much work, another factor is that a lot of guys think that if you keep texting a girl that'll be enough to keep her interested but the reality is that texting is very mundane and only 20-30% of human communication is verbal or in this case through text, whereas 70-80% of it is through body language, so if you aren't face to face with a girl she's not really going to feel much for you because there's minimal input so try avoid texting for continuous amounts of time and instead use it as a way to set up dates and also less texting helps build up some tension and excitement before dates as well as the fact that you'll have way more to talk about when you haven't texted each other all the time, and one more factor just off the top of my head would be that if you have been meeting up with her and she ghosts you anyway, then there's most likely a chance you could have given off the wrong vibe like maybe you could have acted too friendly or neutral and it gave her the impression that it wasn't going anywhere, so self awareness is very important and also try to focus more on how you make them feel over how they make you feel and it might help give you an idea of where you stand

Consistent_Leading51 · 2022-08-11T07:24:57+00:00

If you’re looking for a genuine answer; I’m a woman and I’ve ghosted men before. I’t was never about feeling good or having other options. Mine have been related to my physical and mental health and personal life chaos. In one case, I set up a date with someone earlier in the week and texted him that I need to reach because I was cramping and not feeling good (I have PCOS and the pain feel like someone stabbing me in my uterus). His response indicated he didn’t believe me. I didn’t like the salty response so I didn’t follow up. And in another I was dealing with my health and my depression. I basically closed my self off from everyone and he was collateral damage. That’s actually why I just took a break from dating. I didn’t want that to happen again.

I don’t know where this idea that every woman has all these options, but it’s not true. It definitely doesn’t make sense for the average woman, especially when men want to constantly ‘humble’ women and say we’re ‘not all that’. I have also been ghosted and so have many women. It’s sucks and I’m sorry it happened to you, but you can’t assign one motivation to half the population. Good luck!

Used-Engineering4996 · 2022-08-11T03:23:50+00:00

Probably not, I think they just don’t wanna deal with the possibility of bad reactions/harassment. I mean honestly is being told “hey I don’t think we really had a connection, sorry” gonna make it any easier? Just move on.

Bobandjim12602 · 2022-08-11T14:47:55+00:00

It could be a plethora of reasons. Maybe she found someone better, maybe she just lost interest, maybe she lost her phone, maybe she reconsidered the idea of dating again, the list goes on. Don't get butthurt. Just move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

eyeofthegreyhound · 2022-08-11T15:38:32+00:00

Sometimes girls ghost guys because they’re uncomfortable and unsure what kind of reaction they’ll get from a polite “no thanks, not interested in continuing a romantic relationship”. Believe me the few times I’ve had to do that, I did not enjoy it in the least. It makes me feel real bad, but ultimately I will prioritize my safety and self respect

Apprehensive-Nose520 · 2022-08-11T13:26:24+00:00

Guys don’t take rejection well

Tissnowjoke · 2022-08-11T10:01:42+00:00

Any time I’ve ever had to do it, it was because the guy was just not taking the hint that I wasn’t interested and carried on persisting.

DarkSun18 · 2022-08-11T05:41:40+00:00

I thought I ghosted a lot of guys but then someone said it's not ghosting if both people just stop talking, so turns out I ghosted nobody.

ana_2021 · 2022-08-11T14:37:14+00:00

I try to not ghost guys, but the times that I have, it’s because 1) I was overwhelmed with school/work and by the time I realized that I hadn’t responded to their message in two weeks, I knew that explaining why would sound only like an excuse and they’d be annoyed with me, and 2) this guy was just…kinda dumb lol—how do you tell someone that you’re not wanting to continue seeing them because they’re not as smart as you?? I don’t want to lie and make up an excuse, but the real reason was lack of intelligence and mentally stimulating conversations🥲

But it’s definitely not for any of the reasons OP stated. I don’t have a lot of options (I’m a dark skinned girl in a society where light skin is seen as desirable) so it’s not like I’m inundated with guys.

Iamabenevolentgod · 2022-08-11T15:33:57+00:00

I feel like many people are far more sensitive than we give them credit for, and if they feel like something is "off", or not aligned with what they want, they drop it, because there's already too much clutter in most people's inner world to give space for something that's not a solid yes, and sometimes the effort required to actually communicate this to the person is more bandwidth than they might immediately have access to.

CptHoytUdall · 2022-08-11T18:59:55+00:00

Some do. Especially the ones only looking for validation and a free dinner/drinks/movie date.

designer-gas · 2022-08-11T05:25:43+00:00

I think it’s the attention they get off on. I’m more mad at men then I am at women for this.

Aside from that though, women know that it’s not them you want it’s their body. If you’re gonna slide in DM’s at least try to strike up a convo instead of simping and sending heart eyes that’ll lead to nothing. Fuckin simps

Andress1 · 2022-08-11T06:31:18+00:00

Ghosting hurts but it's a good thing. An indicator of disinterest.

Would you prefer them to lead you on and waste your time?

Successful_Teach366 · 2022-08-11T07:59:39+00:00

I think it’s because women are afraid of confrontations and feeling uncomfortable. Do you blame them tho? They get harassed by men for any reason and upsetting them is a safety thing for them

lilstimmer · 2022-08-11T05:28:52+00:00

I ghost women just to remind them theyre not always good enough. It’s my way of hopefully snapping them back to reality and maybe not do it to guys in the future. I am shameless and won’t change

incognito3107 · 2022-08-11T08:01:30+00:00

It is convenient for them, no confrontation, they just forget that you exist. I guess they don't care much about guy's emotions, as they think he can have another partner within couple of days, just like them. They care about their happiness, not yours.

Environmental_Lie561 · 2022-08-11T07:22:53+00:00

I never have. I ghosted either because I forgot because I was too wrapped up in what was going on or I got scared.

Bengalblaine · 2022-08-11T07:24:25+00:00

Ya gotta stop grouping people together. PEOPLE do. Some people at certain points in their life, sure

Breezy_2046 · 2022-08-11T12:25:51+00:00

I only ghost if said person gives me creepy vibes or they flat out reject my rejection and continue making advances. Somebody took me on a date once (after I explicitly explained to him, I don’t want a relationship or a date) and I ghosted him (unintentionally tbh, I don’t answer a lot of ppl, it’s too overwhelming) because he couldn’t take no for an answer.

I do “have options”, but I don’t ghost men bc of that. I ghost them purely bc the ones I seem to meet give me the wrong vibe and I try to let them down easy, but men seem to think that means try harder. No. It means leave me the fuck alone. So that’s the only time I ghost somebody. I might accidentally go a few days without texting to somebody I enjoy talking to, but I generally apologize for the absence and continue talking to them, if they don’t get butthurt over the fact that I have a life and can’t look at a screen all day.

The main point is, I do it to protect myself. We all know how men get r/whenwomenrefuse so I take the initiative and block or ignore them until they get the hint (tbh, they’re bad at understanding those too). And because of that, I’ve cut out a lot of male “friends” who just wanted to sleep with me. Good riddance lmao.

yo_saturnalia · 2022-08-11T07:34:15+00:00

Are you an incel ?

Easy-Dimension-1844 · 2022-08-11T09:55:53+00:00

They do it on purpose. They just want a free meal

soul_hyacinths · 2022-08-11T05:48:42+00:00

in my experience i get a lot of matches and only continue talking to the people i'm really interested in going on a date with. some ppl you match w turn out to be terrible texters or annoying or some other thing. so if it isn't working out, and you don't even know the person, you just unmatch and go to a different person

Interesting-Wish69 · 2022-08-11T06:37:11+00:00

Yep, they have so many options they probably don’t bother too much with texting. My tip is to get things offline asap, so you don’t have to compete in the sea of DMs.

Additional-Reply7798 · 2022-08-11T07:42:58+00:00

No they dont , most guys dont even exist to girls. This is what happens when evey guy is desperate to get laid. Only go for someone that is really into you.

2022-08-11T10:07:10+00:00

Honestly the truth is probably somewhere in the middle...they do forget sometimes to reply but if we are being real they reply to the ones they want immediately. And I believe that they do get some satisfaction from being wanted like that. And the ability to get away with that behavior boosts their ego for sure...

MajorWookie · 2022-08-11T13:01:30+00:00

I never understood why people get so hurt with being ghosted. Just move on.

EmpireStrikes1st · 2022-08-11T13:14:54+00:00

Guys, as a general rule, are not great at taking criticism. It would be great to have an "exit interview" out of a date or why cancelling a date, but, in real life, that conversation often turns to threats and insults.

You know this is true; how many posts have you seen where a guy goes from "send nooods" to "you ugly bitch, I wouldn't rape you if you paid me" in 30 seconds.

Some guys are decent. Some guys are major major assholes. And why should women feel obligated to take that kind of hate just to find the good guys when it's easier and safer to just disappear?

Girls ghost as defense mechanism. When they get catcalled in real life, they often laugh as a fear response to diffuse the situation. When they are in their own setting (i.e., just on the phone), they diffuse the situation with silence.

ScaryPerformance3872 · 2022-08-11T17:11:20+00:00

Ghosting is the byproduct of the desperation that so many guys reek of when they get rejected. If some guys stopped f begging and going berserk after a rejection, this may not have been the norm. I am saying that as a guy myself. Besides the fact that you will never change her mind, do you really want to be with someone who didn't accept you? OR worse, do you want to be accepted because of how pitiful you are? Just move on. There is plenty of fish in the sea and there is not a single man/woman who deserves that much dedication.

Omark9667 · 2022-08-11T04:01:54+00:00

Enjoy those options cause they never last

Ragnarok992 · 2022-08-11T08:20:44+00:00

They get off on it, i don’t have any proof but i don’t doubt it either

rahhumilovedogs · 2022-08-11T05:19:05+00:00

My x willghost n she gets a kick out of the guys going crazy. She's the crazy one.

badass_2407 · 2022-08-11T07:17:22+00:00

After they ghost you, just stop worrying about why did they do that and don't flood her inbox by asking why did she do it or please talk to me, etc. They ghost you but low-key keep an eye on their inbox of yours or check your dp or stories to see how you're doing without them. So just be chill, ignore her when she ghosts you and go on living your life. After he ego sims down (however long that takes)....90% chance she'll come back and talk to you. That's your moment to tell her to f*ck off and tell her you're not interested in her anymore.

Lopsided_Jackfruit37 · 2022-08-11T13:44:40+00:00

The latter.

We don't care enough about you to "get off" on ghosting you.

TheMorningJoe · 2022-08-11T08:42:54+00:00

Probably, they get their validation and the satisfaction of rejecting someone. The idea that many men want them and not letting them have you is probably intoxicating. Don’t blame them since the dating pool is saturated with dudes lol

Booster93 · 2022-08-11T11:31:20+00:00

We would act just like girls do if we could all get it the same way/ if roles were reversed.

WannaSeeTrustIssues · 2022-08-11T15:31:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

WannaSeeTrustIssues · 2022-08-11T11:30:23+00:00

In todays culture you’re just a man. Why would she care about ghosting just a man… I mean you’re not even really a human being to her.

0101101_ · 2022-08-11T15:10:50+00:00

for me, i ghost a guy when i feel like hes too boring for me or the conversations are always just the same like theres no thrill or hes not making an effort in the conversation. sometimes i do enjoy it bc i like it when guys get mad once youve ghosted them 🤭 BUT MOST OF THE TIME i go ghost on a guy i am talking to when i had a feeling that hes fucking with other girls or if hes cheating.

throwaway_6196190012 · 2022-08-11T06:20:17+00:00

No they just don't wanna deal with those guys they ghosted

Go_Brr · 2022-08-11T11:11:41+00:00

I imagine females AND males get off on ghosting the other genders

A small hint of power and feeling desired.

One of the reasons we ALL speak to multiple potential partners

Because we want to be desired.

Reasonable_Ad_6626 · 2022-08-11T11:45:26+00:00

People who enjoy ghosting need therapy.

Why do people ghost? They don't feel secure enough to say the reason they don't want to continue dating a certain person.

Sometimes the reasons are really lame.

lucifer9590 · 2022-08-11T07:36:25+00:00

too many options. Just imagine every time you login to social media, you get messages from 50 girls asking to meet you for coffee, dinner , parties. Liking and commenting on your pictures constantly. And telling you that you are really handsome every single day.

you will eventually choose to ignore that attention.

cadetgusv · 2022-08-11T06:54:33+00:00

I would be annoyed we don’t get the pictures

MywarUK · 2022-08-11T07:38:53+00:00

I think everyone has their own reasons too do so. Some do it for the chase and when doesn’t happen they move on. Some do it to cut the person off. Ghosting has many reasons.

https_urdaddy · 2022-08-11T10:19:01+00:00

I get really bored of texting people sometimes. I don’t mean to ghost and sometimes I want to talk to the person just texting is really draining.

Mssng_Nm · 2022-08-11T11:38:25+00:00

Nah thats the man/woman they’re ignoring you for’s job. Dont think about too much tho.

vhm3 · 2022-08-11T12:11:40+00:00

No. They really don't. It's uncomfortable to reject someone and I think people avoid hard things. That's an interesting point about not realizing they're doing it. I guess I wouldn't really consider it ghosting if we've never gone on a date so very likely could fall into that category if the messaging is stale and I lose interest. Can't imagine doing it to someone after a date though.

coming2grips · 2022-08-11T12:20:33+00:00

Some do

Ducharbaine · 2022-08-11T13:20:54+00:00

Partly if they were never interested anyway, it's easier to forget. Partly they don't want to feel bad for breaking bad news, so they ghost, Partly because so many guys lose their shit when they are rejected, they feel safer just disappearing.

dobbs1997 · 2022-08-11T13:34:00+00:00

Does it really matter tho…? Why they ghost..

Joel504 · 2022-08-11T13:36:11+00:00

Moat definitely, its a confidence/ego boost for them.

Basic85 · 2022-08-11T13:36:57+00:00

I think they get off on rejecting men.

MeanCry5785 · 2022-08-11T13:43:28+00:00

You're competing for their attention. You may just be a random on the internet where the air conditioning has a higher priority and importiy.

dryo · 2022-08-11T13:44:12+00:00

try not to make a big deal out of it

FranciscotheBull · 2022-08-11T13:44:35+00:00

Various factors. Could be the girl gave her number out to 10 guys and doesn't have time. It could be she just gives the number just to keep the guy going away and blocking or ghosting them. It could be they are interested at the moment, but not interested later (doesn't make sense, but a theory). Or sometimes they just want the attention of seeing a message received.

A lot of the time guys are ghosted for any unknown reason. In my opinion, if a woman is not going to text or show interest, she should not give her number or any social media. I would rather a rejection than a woman ghost me 100%

caesarfecit · 2022-08-11T13:59:44+00:00

It really depends.

Sometimes they just can't be bothered to deal with you heads up, especially if it's something awkward or painful like rejection.

Sometimes they get so anxious about dealing with you, for any number of reasons, that they just lock up.

Sometimes they feel whatever they have with you is doomed and want to bail first. Especially if they're spiteful or vindictive.

Ultimately, unless you have kids with her, a woman can't do shit to you emotionally unless you give a shit about her and her opinion of you. So long as you can detach yourself from that, ghosting won't bother you so much.

Consider it her waving a flag that she's not fit for you. You might not be fit for her, but her ghosting is her giving you permission to write her off.

Blaphrodite · 2022-08-11T14:07:29+00:00

yeahthatslifedarling · 2022-08-11T14:23:34+00:00

Yeah some of them they do enjoy hurting by ghosting, that's what it do. In a sick way. Otherwise it's because they don't care.

Both version of the mean girl. Same way she gets off by ruining your reputation. Girls hit with words, boys with punches. Girls punches are "forbidden" so that's their version of being aggressive. Passive-aggressive is still agressive.

All in all, you have to move on, for one you devalue what you say saying it to someone that don't care or want to harm you. For two, it's just not the kind of person you want to be around, someone mature would not do that, especially if there was some sort of previous relationship.

So yeah, they enjoy and feel superior because you need them, you reaching out, she "proves" she has options (to you and most importantly to herself, coming from insecurities and lack of self-validation, it will be filling ever empty void).

Or they just don't care. If someone with good will, secure and care that doesn't care, she'll let you know it won't work out because why waste our time and energy when it's not going anywhere, plus kind of the basic respect of a human, and respect for a human that likes you.

So yeah, let the shitty people have relationships with shitty people. Don't engage. This is one of the thing you can't win. To try to win, is the doggy dog world, and that makes you an ass.

SuitNTieNToes · 2022-08-11T14:50:26+00:00

The really insecure ones do it for the former reason. It gives them a sense of control. Usually if that happens & they’re not dead like the tragic case mentioned earlier, then consider yourself lucky.

ram5ez2e0 · 2022-08-11T14:56:47+00:00

It has nothing to do with enjoyment, maybe a few, but for the most part it’s circumstantial. Some women may give you their number, but doesn’t mean its a sealed deal. They may be going through something we have no idea about, or just not ready to get back into dating, or just busy with their career or social life, as it should be. With that said, there’s women that are ready and are looking, it’s just a matter of meeting more women. It’s a numbers game, and I hate to say it that way, but it is.

SpinCity07 · 2022-08-11T15:00:16+00:00

If your upset about ghosting, watch this:

https://youtu.be/Ybld6IG1KtA

doobyscooze · 2022-08-11T15:13:40+00:00

When tech recruiters try to spam me....ghost

E-prostitutes with only fans trying to run game on me...ghost

Sketchy salesman...ghost

FaithInStrangers94 · 2022-08-11T16:53:06+00:00

They also do it because guys often react when the gild they’re talking to politely tells them that she’s no longer interested

inline6throwaway · 2022-08-11T16:55:07+00:00

I've been getting ghosted by women who show high to extremely high interest in me when we first meet. I just don't get it....... can't even set up a second meet up or date with them

Distinct_Face_5796 · 2022-08-11T17:22:37+00:00

Doubt it. They probably want to avoid conflict, so either ghost or friend zone someone, say they are too busy, they aren't looking for a relationship right now. All bs ways of showing they aren't interested.

TruSiris · 2022-08-11T17:41:20+00:00

Idk I think ghosting happens for a lot of reasons. Most people are just afraid to reject someone so it is easier to just stop responding. Super weak behavior.

Title	Do girls get off on ghosting guys?
Author	oozzoonnee
Upvotes	110
Comments	202
Date	August 11, 2022 3:17 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/wlgy89/do_girls_get_off_on_ghosting_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/do-girls-get-off-on-ghosting-guys.1252360 https://theredarchive.com/post/1252360

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