Do women really approach guys at bars?

tdroylshy · 2021-10-23T16:45:08+00:00

The fact that you even have to ask really answers the question. In reality, most men will not be approached by a woman.

NateHate1402 · 2021-10-23T17:03:30+00:00

A women’s version of an approach would be standing/dancing next to you and trying to make eye contact which is why you might not have noticed it. Women rarely actually initiate an interaction they just try and get you to initiate it with shitty signals.

donaldtrumpsmistress · 2021-10-23T17:20:53+00:00

It's happened at my hottest where girls would just directly approach me. Hasn't happened in a few years though. For most girls they'll still 'approach' you but in girl talk. Approaching for a girl is giving you strong eye contact, or finding a reason to ask you something, or glancing at you repeatedly if you're next to each other at a bar.

themostgianthorse · 2021-10-23T16:49:15+00:00

Bruh, women typically do not approach men. Hard stop.

Do not think there is something wrong with yourself if women don’t approach you.

visceral_delight · 2021-10-23T17:35:28+00:00

Women will absolutely go after guys they are interested in. For years, I was used to being invisible to women. The women I did attract, I'd have to work really hard through charm.

Several years back I started doing MMA to deal with anxiety. Got in incredible shape and my confidence was through the roof. I say was cause Covid and busy life pretty much wrecked my healthy habits.

The first time I was approached, I was getting out of my car walking into my apartment. From about 20 feet away I heard a mid-20s female yell out "Hey!". A solid 7. I never saw her before. Since I was so used to being invisible I was expected to hear her say something like "you got a flat tire" or something like that. She followed up with "I'm throwing a party tonight. You want to come?". I was really taken back by it. So not used to it that I assumed she was trying to scam me some how. I told her "No thanks." To say she was persistent that I come would be an understatement.

After that, I started going out more. Stuff like that started happening more and more. My advice is to constantly work on yourself for yourself. Not for the purpose of attracting women. Over time they will come to you.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2021-10-23T16:33:58+00:00

Rarely so I wouldn't even worry about it if I were you. Just focus on your own approaches.

LandscapeClear1630 · 2021-10-23T17:11:20+00:00

They mostly don't.

Yet they expect to be approached by the man of their dreams, lol

that27thkid · 2021-10-23T17:44:42+00:00

They will if you’re attractive enough, hard truth to swallow

PayDrum · 2021-10-23T17:39:58+00:00

Ive been approached at a bar more than a few times by women, but it doesn't mean jack shit. I usually end up going home alone anyway, because I suck at every other part. Don't let this get into your head. Plenty of my friends who never get approached do way better than me.

gameofloans24 · 2021-10-23T17:20:01+00:00

My tall friends have had women approach them at bars.

It’s like they’re Moses and they just cleared the Red Sea and women just go up to them. Insane.

iluvreddit · 2021-10-23T18:11:16+00:00

Yes it happens. But the ones who do it are rarely if ever attractive.

timespaceandwhatnot · 2021-10-23T17:12:45+00:00

When I was in shape, yes I would be approached often in bars, coffee shops etc, and many were very forward. I put on about 40 pounds the last couple of years and no, women don't approach me now. I have gone through this cycle of inshape to overweight 3 times as an adult. Same results each time.

earsurgery9 · 2021-10-23T17:55:50+00:00

It 100% happens!

But not to most guys so not worth worrying about

My wing gets appraoched on average, i'd say 5-6 times per night! (usually girls pretending to recognise him or making a commnent on something about him)

Don't think i've ever seen him approahced in the day, thjough

MotiMorphosys · 2021-10-23T18:24:10+00:00

Obviously it's not common.

It's happened to me once. And I will tell you exactly why it happened to me.

I was at a bar / nightclub that was part of an all-inclusive resort in an exotic Central American country.

Everyone that was there was on vacation, from another country, and obviously pretty well-off. There was no way that this was going to come back to hurt her reputation (i.e. What happens in Vegas...), And there was no chance I was a low value man, as I could afford this vacation.

The girl had always been a little bit heavy, but for the past year and a half had been preparing for this vacation on a very strict diet, and hadn't consumed any alcohol. She was a little bit tipsy now, and this vacation was the first time in her life she was ever in a bikini. She was essentially finally getting to try out her new body that she'd been working on.

She was with her best friend, who was a little bit more promiscuous and was egging her on to approach me.

Her and everyone in the destination wedding party hit the bar together afterwards, and I was one of the few people that was not with that party. So I was probably the best option.

Her and her friend walked up to me. 15 minutes later, her and I left to go to my room.

If there ever was an "easy mode" for seduction, vacations like this certainly are. Cruises, all inclusive resorts, out of town weddings... This is where you're going to have the unicorn situations.

mrrooftops · 2021-10-23T18:22:55+00:00

Tinder boosts are banked matches that Tinder distribute to you per boost so you feel it's effective. Everyone gets 20-50 depending on your hidden match bank. The quality on the other hand...

Leviathansplunge · 2021-10-23T20:41:15+00:00

This all depends on one's definition of "approach". Men are direct, women are subtle. Yeah you will have the mega chad of the place that gets approached straight up, but for us "normies" there is still abundant interest if one knows how to read the room. Yes men usually have to break the ice verbally, but often women will give the first non verbal cue, either consciously or unconsciously, basically inviting the man to approach. I firmly believe in not propositioning a woman unless she makes it clear with choosing signals that she is open to the idea, this concept started lowering my rejection rate substantially. I also find that hanging out with female friends gets much more attention from other women then hanging out with the guys.

torito_supremo · 2021-10-23T17:21:09+00:00

Almost never. But they often leave signals indicating that they want to be approached.

Mshalopd1 · 2021-10-23T17:32:40+00:00

Im a good looking guy. I've been approached by attractive women in a bar a few times. I still doubt myself with women all the time and feel insecure and that im not good enough for others. Sure it felt good in the moment. But it doesn't solve anything because it's completely out of your control. Take shit into your own hands. A women approaching you at a bar doesn't matter. It's nice for sure. But you're getting girls on tinder and shit and I'm over here trying to get over my insanely strong insecurity which prevents me from meeting women, even though I've had the experience you're talking about. It's not common and it won't change shit. Just keep workin on yourself bro, don't worry about this kinda stuff it doesn't do you any good.

indecisive_maybe · 2021-10-23T17:32:46+00:00

I can get 30-50 matches with a boost

I'm curious - what happens then to these matches? How many have a conversation, how many lead to more?

And what setting were your pictures taken in? Like if your profile is outdoorsy then a bar isn't gonna highlight that.

Synth_Lord · 2021-10-23T19:14:16+00:00

Rarely happens, but it does. I've had women approach me, and initiate conversation when I'm most in my zone. Either I'm with my friends just living it up dancing by myself but next to them or this one time I took my camera out to the bars and was just in my zone photographing the people around me not caring about girls. Then this cute girl walked up to me and started asking about my camera which I was then able to get her number through just easy mode. I later noticed she was in a few of my pictures but I didn't even know that in the moment since I was just in my world taking pictures and was pretty tipsy myself lol

But like other people mentioned their way of approaching is dancing/standing next to you but they don't actually initiate conversation they expect you to do that which you should. That's happened countless times.

CountFocus · 2021-10-23T19:43:59+00:00

I've already been approached and seen many friends be approached in bars or nightclubs. It happens but it's very rare, normally men are the ones who approach. I don't think I'm that good looking, is more when I'm in good mood and with a good vibe.

Seriously, get some balls and stop getting validation from strangers about your looks. Everyone has insecurities but don't let them eat yourself alive.

SherifffOfNottingham · 2021-10-23T19:51:19+00:00

Had it happen to my buddy the other day, he's not even insanely attractive, they just saw we were having a good time

buttsnshit · 2021-10-23T21:34:17+00:00

Woman here, I have no problem at all with approaching guys at bars and do so frequently when single, but I know most of my friends do not.

IMHO if a woman is the type to approach then she’ll approach if she’s attracted to you—you don’t have to be a 10, just intriguing to her specifically. I’ve approached guys who my friends have said were straight-up ugly because to me they seemed interesting for one reason or another. On the other hand, if a woman isn’t the type to approach men, it doesn’t matter how attractive you are, it’ll be up to you to initiate.

JennyConcinnity · 2021-10-23T21:41:23+00:00

I use to approach men at bars. Men told me stop. They told me to wait for a guy take eye contact with me then smile. That would be his que to come talk to me.

I was angry at the time. I did not want to be a passive person in an encounter. But in the 1990s and 2000s men were not comfortable with women Making advances.

Also, you might be too hot to be approached. I never hit on the hottest guys. I hit on average guys that I was likely to succeed with.

HughBeaumont500 · 2021-10-23T17:27:20+00:00

The "professional" women do, but that's a road you don't want to travel.

Women don't approach men at bars. I wish they would. They don't need to though. Do you bring your own sand to the beach?

olivialovegood · 2021-10-23T19:05:48+00:00

Yes I’ve gone up to guys an introduced myself. Yes the guy has to be decently attractive etc, but it’s more about me feeling good about myself and carefree enough to do it

HomeBody80 · 2021-10-23T16:10:36+00:00

Yes. When we’re in a safe space and feel comfortable engaging with a stranger. Or if we’re buzzed and just broke up w someone and bed a little cleansing 😂

ivanalesi · 2021-10-23T18:19:20+00:00

Yes, if you're dressed apart, good-looking & in a great radiant mood. If one of these is off, they won't do it. IMHO, the mood is the best indicator! And of course, it's only some braver girls, often having had a few drinks ;) They won't do it if you're with a company, because maybe your friends look the judgemental type to her etc., but when you go to the bar she'll come after you and chat you up or when you're in the toilet queue...

coolwater85 · 2021-10-23T18:46:33+00:00

Yes.

Potential-Avocado598 · 2021-10-23T20:14:45+00:00

I lost my virginity when a girl, on her 21st birthday party, asked to go up to my room to fuck. I'm 20.

Alex_J_Anderson · 2021-10-23T20:36:09+00:00

Yes, but it’s usually subtle.

I’ve had women stand next to me and inch closer until they’re touching me.

I’ve had a girl dance in front of me and keep backing up until her ass was rubbing against my crotch.

My second long term relationship was the bar tender of a bar flat out ask me out. I was passed out drunk one night at a bar I frequented. When I came to she asked me out. We’re still friends to this day. Went to each other’s weddings. That was a funny one. I said “Really? You just saw me be passed out for like an hour.” She said “I thought you seemed interesting”.

Keep in mind, I’m the lead singer in a band.

But I have to admit I’m surprised at how subtle women are about even when you’re a the singer in a band and you just played a show to hundred or sometimes thousands of people.

Even then it was still up to me to make a move. Before we got signed to a label, I would have thought women would approach you once you were successful. Nope.

In short, it happens but very rare for a direct approach.

Just-Needleworker387 · 2021-10-23T17:36:50+00:00

I personally do quite often!

this_is_me_on_reddit · 2021-10-23T20:39:44+00:00

It happened to me once.

Dumbengineerr · 2021-10-23T19:35:43+00:00

Looked at your profile pics. Comparing that to some of the dudes I have seen on Reddit. You aren’t that good looking. I would say a solid 6.5. A lot depends on how you carry yourself in a club. If you are sitting at the bar and drinking alone, you are not going to be pull any girls.

You have to be in a group and having fun and in some ways stand out from your group.

mmmkaaaayyy · 2021-10-23T18:11:15+00:00

in college i had it happen 4-5 times. 3 of them were smoking hott and i also got quite a few eye-f*cks. but that was college. peak hairline. peak physique. peak potential.

2021-10-23T19:44:58+00:00

Hot girls don’t need to. They can just stand there at the bar and have the interested suitors approach her.

2021-10-23T18:13:54+00:00

Kind of

baddog992 · 2021-10-23T18:25:04+00:00

I've been approached by women in bars. A lot of times. I've had a fair number of one night stands. It seems to happen more in just regular bars without a dancing floor. Never had any luck in a nightclub. I'm just a regular looking guy.

letmereaddamnit · 2021-10-23T18:28:09+00:00

Its happened to me in the past but that was 40lbs ago

ClockwerkKaiser · 2021-10-23T18:39:04+00:00

I've been approached at the bar a few times. However, the key is to go alone during special events (costume night, goth party, Harry Potter party, etc).

I can only speak for what has worked for me. The main thing is that I was just having fun, relaxed, and not actually focusing on getting with anyone. I was enjoying the moment, savoring a drink, or just feeling the music each time.

This is just my theory, but if your seem like you're comfortable, relaxed, and self-confident, people tend to take notice. I've never approached anyone at the bar (or any event) with the intention of getting with them. However, I have been approached on 4 occassions in just the last 3 years (granted, COVID effectively cut off 1.5 years of those 3).

Also, I definitely do not follow either rules 1 nor 2.

mishaxz · 2021-10-23T18:42:55+00:00

It's more common when they are less attractive.. 8s and above don't usually

jwaters0122 · 2021-10-23T18:45:49+00:00

The only time women approach men at the bar is if they are working there as a waitress

HunterOk3550 · 2021-10-23T18:46:07+00:00

I very often used to approach guy ever since I started to go out at bars and danceplaces,or music places. Mainly due to the sad fact that society treat shorter guys as shit. Having these thing in my mind and the fact I'm inssn tall myself and so is my intire family , and also most if my female friends as I I'd been playing volleyball since my 12 year. So I'd knew since my first year I went out amoung guys , and had interest in guys for friends and sex, and perhaps a bit embarrassed to say, I definitely weren't more than 14 year first time I headed for a boyfriend, but unfortunately I ended out only getting a fuckfriend , and the fact I never told the guys my age right away , it were unfair to blame them fucking a xhiekd as I were very developed for my age , the fact I were 202 cm at the age of 14 , those poor guys never had a change to know I weren't grown up. But I also learnt to make shire to tell guys I didn't care how tall or short they were. As no guys wouædnasknme up or out when they were at least 15-25 cm shorter than me. So it were important to me to be outgoing and kind of male them knew I never had shallow thoughts and would never judge them on height, and ofcauce I hoped they wouldn't judgnmeneitjwr, and tonne very honest , never one goy told me I were too tall to date

msgs · 2021-10-23T18:46:08+00:00

Women who are drinking sometimes do in my experience. Sober, virtually never.

But it shouldn't matter has you should be the one opening conversations, anyway, right?

DryAdhesiveness6579 · 2021-10-23T18:48:34+00:00

women will approach you. I’ve had multiple women approach me at bars, it’s usually women i’m not interested in but I have had a few flings.

pablodiablo906 · 2021-10-23T19:00:16+00:00

Yes I’ve been picked up at a bar some number of times. Two the woman said roughly you’re hot take me home. A couple were less direct and said something along the lines of I bet you’re a good kisser let’s make out, and the rest were casual conversation that escalated to interest.

In clubs usually it’s dance on you and grab your dick after it gets hard from them grinding on it.

There’s a whole wide world of people out there and women aren’t a monolith of behavior.

CenaSmackDown · 2021-10-23T19:03:18+00:00

I've had a couple women send me drinks, but it doesn't happen too often.

Jilluminati1 · 2021-10-23T20:43:46+00:00

I get approached occasionally, it’s never something you can rely on. Gotta be a master of reading choosing signals. 💯

willgo-waggins · 2021-10-23T21:25:56+00:00

You seem to be a reasonably good looking guy.

Do you project self confidence? That makes a huge difference in those situations.

I find myself approached quite regularly (sometimes multiple times when I am out) by women. I am self confident and very social.

Sufficient-Cry-9163 · 2021-10-23T21:54:00+00:00

I looked at your picture. Nothing wrong with your appearance, you probably just give off a creepy vibe. The only way to fix that is to actually stop being a creep.

aeroaca9 · 2021-10-23T22:24:01+00:00

Women don’t approach men at bars.

ch2112al · 2021-10-23T22:34:16+00:00

More likely MILFS

shawnml9 · 2021-10-23T22:58:44+00:00

They do in Texas

Zarosius · 2021-10-23T23:00:53+00:00

Very rarely yes, at least for me. In my late 20s.

Been approached by 2 girls in a bar and 2 in the streets

2 random girls called me once - one saying we met in a friend's party and she wanted to meet me, the other saying she got my number from my friend and we met at a bar and she said she's in love with me.

I don't consider myself a good looking dude, but in HS and College I've had girls who had crushes on me and hit on me - some were average, some below, some were pretty.

I was too socially inept to do anything about it then.

AelfredRex · 2021-10-23T23:06:09+00:00

So much for the PUA "women never hit on men" hypothesis, given the women's responses.

NinjaTurtle2077 · 2021-10-23T23:22:45+00:00

Extremely rare, but it does happen. Happened to me once when I was travelling in Indonesia at the hotel bar. but it didn’t go anywhere, because I was convinced no chance she’s interested and it’s a fluke I was also nervous AF so was very awkward.

Woujo · 2021-10-23T23:28:49+00:00

Women rarely approach men. I have been approached by women but those women are often unusually confident, crazy, or very drunk.

Also, whether or not a person gets approached depends on a lot of factors, some of which have nothing to do with your attractiveness. For example, some people (both men and women) have a more "approachable" look and appear less intimidating to others. Women will also approach you if you are wearing something really cool or unusual.

But overall, you should not sweat it if you are not getting approached a lot. And you certainly should not rely on it.

Casanova-Quinn · 2021-10-23T23:31:36+00:00

I've been approached before, but it doesn't happen frequently, and usually I'm not interested in the girl. Obviously the biggest factor is your looks, but I think your vibe is also important. If it looks like you're having a good time (smiling, laughing, dancing) I think it improves your odds. I see a lot of guys at bars fall into the trap of either being too quiet/introverted, or too cool/tough to have fun.

mrtibbles32 · 2021-10-23T23:34:23+00:00

Yeah, it happens to me sometimes.

They usually stop talking to me after a while because I have the personality of a brick though.

bbcSnowbunnyslayer · 2021-10-23T23:36:19+00:00

Daaaaaaamn bro. Lean af, and a baby face with a strong jaw line!? presumably you have traits that make you approachable. If you have girls coming up you at the bar, then you'll find yourself swatting them like flys when you get a gf. Don't sweat it

derpadurp · 2021-10-23T23:40:05+00:00

Some will take initiative if you give them enough reasons to.

When I went through the party phase of my life in my late 20’s, I had the social network/status, I was above average looking (and was told I was good looking frequently), I put significant time and effort into bodybuilding, and I had all of the other indicators (good income, renting a great place in the bougie young party section of the neighborhood, nice car etc etc)

A couple of times I would organize mobs of people going to nightclubs downtown, and had promoter friends who would get me a table if I brought 20+ people to their club as long as the ratio was closer to 2:1 than 1:1 (gotta deliver what the club wants).

I was always “fashionably late” but a number of times would setup a pregame party at the big house I was living in.

One night, I knew some girls were bringing their girlfriends out with us, so I figured I’d flex a little on top of everything I already had going for me.

I timed my “getting ready routine” so that my shower finished right as the new girls were coming over. My main squad walked in the house (frat boy housemates knew my squads and would let them in if I wasn’t there). My squad walks in to what I setup to be a house party, people were already drinking and I had an amazing playlist running with a club-tier sound system. They’re waking around the house looking for me to say hi and introduce the new girls, and after everything they’d already heard about me, right as they’re walking down the hallway, I walk out of the steamy bathroom nothing but a towel around my waist.

Did the rounds making sure all my guests had everything they needed at the pregame, made sure I greeted and welcomed everyone, then arranged for a few Uber XL’s to come pick us up. (Of course I flexed and got a Black XL) and some of the much more bougie and attractive girls noticed and quickly came over to ride with me.

I get everyone in via my promoter, my entire party skipped the line wrapped around the block, and skipped the security checkpoint. One of the girls who’s had an eye on me for years brings her actually quite attractive blonde friend visiting. Her friend sees me alone by the bar grabbing a drink, grabs me, drags me onto the dance floor, pulls me in and immediately starts making out with me. (I had just met her an hour ago and was barely introduced much less talked or got to know each other).

All the right clout and having all of the other aspects of you dialed in truly does make all the difference.

bbcSnowbunnyslayer · 2021-10-23T23:42:00+00:00

The girls probably think you look like Benedict Cumberbatch. And he's a handsome Mf. Im sure it's not the first time you got that. You have nothin to worry about.

guckindieluft · 2021-10-23T23:55:08+00:00

I hope not

drewcer · 2021-10-23T23:56:23+00:00

If you want to get girls to approach you, you gotta get really good at your nonverbals, body language and eye contact.

But in truth, you should be able to approach a girl if you need/want to. If a girl can tell that you're too scared to approach her, she's NEVER going to approach you herself.

urmyheartBeatStopR · 2021-10-24T00:04:42+00:00

Yeah at club, street and music festival.

I don't get much matches on tinder but I go out often enough...

It's not that often that I get approached by women but I've been approached by women.

I've also had some that send their friend over to stated it.

Please do note I'm terrible at this in general.

Jsmooveprov · 2021-10-24T00:08:01+00:00

From my experience they will approach if there’s something about your appearance or circumstances that gives them a reason to talk to you.

For example, one approached me “asking to race” while I was shirtless in the middle of a workout which was obviously an excuse to get close, even if it was playful. Another walked up to me at a club and eyed me up and down because I was apparently “overdressed” for the occasion, then it escalated into a conversation from there.

However most of the time they will move within your vicinity and give subtle signals. For me it’s been sitting near me and playing with their hair, or standing unusually close to me when there’s an abundance of free space to position herself all around. Or sometimes I’d catch them staring at me from a distance on multiple occasions (the easiest sign to go in and start a discussion). You just have to be able to read these signals and act on them because a vast majority of women are socially conditioned to hang back and wait for the man to chase them; obviously there are women that subvert that normative behavior and make the first move which I find extremely attractive, but you just have to accept that if you want to find success in this field then you have to be more proactive in your endeavors.

lpploj · 2021-10-24T00:19:35+00:00

Nuts_unbusted · 2021-10-24T00:21:05+00:00

If a woman approaches me, im thinking two things,

Easy and trouble

binzera1 · 2021-10-24T00:24:52+00:00

Yes, there are a lot of women that don't like to be approached, they prefer to approach, maybe sometimes it's better to stay on your quite little place.

cormacru999 · 2021-10-24T00:57:49+00:00

Its always bizarre to me that men have personal experience & then extrapolate that "women" do or don't do things. Of course some women approach some men. If they aren't approaching you, its one of two things, its either that they aren't into you, or they aren't comfortable doing it.

LVMaster · 2021-10-24T00:59:57+00:00

I'm from Vegas so if a woman approaches you at a bar she's probably a hooker.

-Twyptophan- · 2021-10-24T02:07:21+00:00

Yeah. I usually approach, but I've been approached a few times. The usual is just some inviting eyes and a smile, but there's been a few instances of a girl straight up coming to me and talking to me

jdogg692021 · 2021-10-24T05:39:26+00:00

News flash women get horny too.

AruiMD · 2021-10-24T06:22:51+00:00

Not that I’ve seen!

Dwaynedibley24601 · 2021-10-24T07:27:05+00:00

Do they need to?

Title	Do women really approach guys at bars?
Author	desperateseagull
Upvotes	193
Comments	184
Date	October 23, 2021 4:09 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/qe7qvm/do_women_really_approach_guys_at_bars/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/do-women-really-approach-guys-at-bars.1273733 https://theredarchive.com/post/1273733

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