How many of you would respect a girl/woman saying ANY of this to you - in order to turn you down - and you wouldnt turn into a "nice guy"???

jonnytechno · 2019-11-21T09:14:17+00:00

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getyourlifeplease · 2019-11-21T04:23:42+00:00

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user20180620 · 2019-11-21T14:37:34+00:00

I'd rather she just be honest. Maybe not brutally honest, but honest enough like:

"Hey, I don't think we were a good fit" instead of "Yeah you were way uglier than your pictures"

Most guys will just respect that and say thanks anyways and drop it. If they persist ("Well what do you mean good fit? How come? Can we try again?"_ Then feel free to be brutally honest or ghost.

badAntix · 2019-11-21T04:15:35+00:00

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razama · 2019-11-21T10:24:15+00:00

First off, don't pander me. You didn't like me and were not sexually attracted, you don't have to lie about it.

Secondly, I get that it is "polite" and will make it "softer" getting rejected but honestly, women just don't have that kind of experience with most men and there is no reason for them to assume you'd be any different. They get into debates (but Jenny, I thought we had so much fun together), get insulted (jenny you're a whore, why even give out your number...), are stalked (I know we're just friends now, but I was wondering if you were going to X's party), etc..

I know, that is unfair to generalize men that way, but avoiding hurting your feelings because you didn't get the validation of being told you **don't suck** is so far from a reasonable person's mind when all they want to do is not continue romantically/sexually with you. Also, if you were a cool dude who just didn't vibe with her, she'll usually be cool about it and may even be open to rekindling in the future.

The last thing I want is for someone to look at me like I need the pity of being let down softly when they were so disinterested in me they didn't want to speak again.

sharkdog82 · 2019-11-21T06:31:16+00:00

Any of these are good, It shows she is mature and is a decent enough person to tell you instead of avoiding you or leading you on, If she doesn't like you who cares, She isn't the only woman in the world

chuckvsthelife · 2019-11-21T14:41:11+00:00

I think the issue is that SOME men flip the fuck out when this happens throw insults etc.

Don’t be that guy. That guy makes it so the other is just going to ghost from now on.

dt-17 · 2019-11-21T12:19:36+00:00

Literally saying anything is better than ghosting 😂

getyourlifeplease · 2019-11-21T12:27:49+00:00

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cassydd · 2019-11-21T12:18:17+00:00

The first one or the last one seem fine. Honest(ish) and unambiguous.

Two and three are a little too "job interview rejection letter", four and five come off as lies because - lets face it - if it were the right guy you'd be ready.

test_tickles · 2019-11-21T14:16:47+00:00

That's called "Communication".

S1mply_Flawless · 2019-11-21T14:20:33+00:00

"I have a lot going on in my life right now, and I'm not able to prioritize a relationship."

There are no words to how incredibly important it is to voice that early on, instead of patching things up and pretending everything is fine for the time being.

geek_xyu · 2019-11-21T15:28:16+00:00

These aren't very fun but I do think they are better than being ghosted. Being ghosted is like you aren't even deserving of a explanation. You are literally garbage to me. A little bit of decency would be nice. I've been ghosted/stood up for dates left to think something horrible might have happened to someone. Just a "hey I can't" would have been better. It isn't about being needy. It's being human.

GOATStPierre · 2019-11-21T07:55:15+00:00

Completely on board with this. I think the worst part of ghosting is the first few days when you still think she might just be taking her time / playing hard to get or whatever. And then after a few days you’re like ohhh, that’s what happened.

Would be great if every girl did this - brings closure. But most girls like to keep guys on the back burner, for better or worse. Wouldn’t count on girls being this respectful most of the time.

Kudos to you for moving past a natural female instinct to keep men in a rotation.

Zucchini_Boi · 2019-11-21T08:33:26+00:00

Any and all feedback is very much appreciated cause communication is much much better than leaving me (21M) in the dark wondering where I messed up :/

BurnItDownSR · 2019-11-21T13:06:43+00:00

1,2, & 6 are pretty respectable to me.

For 3 I wouldn't continue communicating with her but I wouldn't respect her either. The 3rd one sounds like she's too caught up in work in a science, legal, or business field to communicate like a normal human being.

For 4 & 5 whichever way I'd stop communicating but it's really a case to case basis of whether I'd have respect for them about it because those lines are usually painfully obvious excuses.

Unless I sensed a genuine hesitancy to date in the first place, 9/10 those lines are complete and utter bullshit.

Tell me lines 1,2, 6 any day. At least its straight to the point and taking full responsibility.

sigma_1234 · 2019-11-21T13:06:55+00:00

thank u, next

getyourlifeplease · 2019-11-21T13:28:22+00:00

So a lot have said that they WANT the girl to be honest - and that they welcome that. Ok cool...so here are a few scenarios:

The girl tells you at the end of your date, when you suggest going out again, that she found you creepy and boring, and declines. Is that acceptable?
You have sex with the girl. She goes home and you text her you had a nice time and wanna see her again soon. She responds that the sex was bad - and she is not interested in doing it again. Is that acceptable?
You have been chatting online and set up a date. You 2 meetup, and the date seems nice. She excuses herself, then comes back and tells you that she really isnt into you as she doesnt find you attractive in person - so she is going to leave and wont be seeing you again. Is that acceptable?

Everyone SAYS they want "the truth" but when you get your hopes up, and YOU are into someone or excited about someone, and they say any one of those 3 things to you, what would your REAL reaction be????

DeathRebirth · 2019-11-21T13:29:05+00:00

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Nednerb5000 · 2019-11-21T13:48:04+00:00

I’d would love this at least it would make me feel like i didnt cause the ghosting it just didnt work out

SomeParticular · 2019-11-21T13:50:21+00:00

I got one of these a couple months ago “realized I’m not ready to date right now” and said thanks for letting me know and hope you find someone when the time is right for you, left it at that.

Much better getting a message like this vs being ghosted.

Idk what turning into a “nice guy” entails exactly but I always appreciate a message like this. If they aren’t feeling it or vice versa it’s best to cut things off as soon as you know that and not waste anyone’s time

kalz44 · 2019-11-21T14:51:41+00:00

I'd rather have ladies ghost me. I don't need any excuses as to why they won't date me and I'll just move on to someone else who's actually interested.

AsimTheAssassin · 2019-11-21T15:12:30+00:00

Lucky for me most of the girls I've been interested in and relationship didn't work out ended like this. Morale of story: Dont go after absolute bitches

nosleepatall · 2019-11-21T15:31:15+00:00

It's honest without being blunt. And take note, some of the lines you might actually use yourself someday.

thatusernameuwanted · 2019-11-21T15:50:25+00:00

Just remember that they don’t owe anything to you and nor you them. So, if they don’t feel comfortable texting back then they don’t have to. Sure, it’s less polite in general, but no situation is ever the same. It’s more likely you guys weren’t compatible for one or more reasons, so the ghosting benefits you as well. So stop trying to “fix” yourselves guys and gals. Learn more about who you are, what you really want, and only change for you, not Stacy17. When you find someone who’s compatible and interested you’ll know it, and it’ll be much better than letting all those would-be ghosters who don’t really care about you to run your life choices.
And if you want feedback, then get it from someone you actually respect. Make some female friends and talk to them and see how they generally interact/react with you. Or you can ask them straight up their thoughts about you or how you text w/e you are insecure about. If they’re good people, they’ll probably make you feel better about yourself. Chao :)

djalekks · 2019-11-21T16:28:57+00:00

I don't get this worship of fake politeness, as if it was displayed to an asshole he wouldn't be an asshole anymore. And that's what "nice guys" are. They're always one wrong answer/move from showing their real side.

Either way, what's so much more polite about a dishonest response than ghosting? You really think the "you're a wonderful person", "had a great conversation" etc etc. are actually honest? If people actually said what they thought their responses would be at best be seen as rude. I get bored by a person, or I bore a person, the only real honest answer would be "You were boring", but seeing as people don't like to come across as assholes they just avoid honest answers.

Spaceman7Spiff · 2019-11-21T16:44:41+00:00

I have mixed feelings about this.

I would like to live in a world where ghosting is all but extinct. To me, it's just cowardly and immature behavior. I would like to be given the common courtesy of at least a polite rejection via text. But I also understand why it has become so prevalent: there are too many whiney baby-men that can't take rejection with grace and respect.

So yes, I would like an alternative to ghosting but I don't think it will ever gain traction until the majority of men can handle rejection which I don't think will ever happen.

It sucks but that's just the way it is.

Hardbarka · 2019-11-21T13:26:51+00:00

I can’t imagine how it’s possible to be actually angry after being ghosted. It’s unfortunate at most. Women don’t owe me shit, and if they want to ghost me, she wasn’t for me anyways. I fully understand why women ghost, seeing how some men deal with rejection. I’d not want to deal with that shit either. I’m not crying for a chance to change my personality for a stranger.

getyourlifeplease · 2019-11-21T13:19:59+00:00

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badAntix · 2019-11-21T13:57:56+00:00

Dude, you sound like a needy bitch. If a women tells you nicely there was no connection it was exactly that, move on.

I respect honestly more than ghosting, you guys really need a reality check in this sub.

Your the final loser that has now made me unsubscribe from this sub. It's not about seduction, its about pussies seeking validation.

Good_Posture · 2019-11-21T10:36:09+00:00

After a fun night earlier in the year I told a woman that was coming on quite hard that I had a great time with her but I wasn't looking for anything serious. She thanked me for the honesty and we went our separate ways.

I'd appreciate the same from a woman. Instead of leaving me on read, just tell me no thanks, I had a fun night and that's it.

Friendly-Casper · 2019-11-21T11:02:55+00:00

All those deserve a respectful "Thank you for your honesty, best of luck to you" or anything else that would be as equally respectful. Keep it simple and short though. Personally, I wouldn't even reply after receiving messages like that. It doesn't warrant any further time or effort. Get back on the horse and continue your search.

Freevoulous · 2019-11-21T13:33:18+00:00

Id rather prefer some honest feedback on WHY, but these are still good.

master_ap · 2019-11-21T13:35:38+00:00

Best thing, don't look for approval of the girl, enjoy your time and life rather than thinking if you were able to "please" someone.

As far as my opinion goes, I end my conversations first and keep my respect for the girl.

And try not to post shit like this again....

ajswdf · 2019-11-21T13:57:54+00:00

I'd rather have a girl just ghost, especially instead of 4 and 5. If you're not looking to date then why are you going out on dates? But it would be even worse if I'm supposed to believe it's true because that means you do like me, so why give that false hope that we could work it out?

Cash_Crescendo · 2019-11-21T14:23:29+00:00

I got let down and she told me I was a "good guy". TF's the difference?

2019-11-21T14:27:25+00:00

I’d prefer it

NookSwzy · 2019-11-21T14:55:02+00:00

I've gotten responses from girls who let me know they weren't interested in proceeding forward. It stings but at least I know I can take the L and move on.

But whether she sends the text or ghosts, it's really the same. I understand that some dudes handle rejection poorly so I get why she would ghost tho.

RaffNFreddy · 2019-11-21T15:05:41+00:00

Just checked the profile of this moron, only two posts, both of them in this sub and AGAINST everything is taught here. Since mods don't do anything at least I'll block the user.

IAmCalhoun · 2019-11-21T15:19:40+00:00

Lol. I just follow the thread for laughs but if you can’t handle a nice rejection like this then you will have a hard time in life.

EarthWarping · 2019-11-21T15:21:21+00:00

Yeah I had a girl say the first one a while back.

It’s appreciated

mike2060 · 2019-11-21T15:24:23+00:00

Anyone else just never message a girl after a date if you think that she will turn you down for another? I figure it makes me look less needy and if she does somehow want to get together again she'll message me

Soundnipple · 2019-11-21T15:31:01+00:00

Idc either way

Bryan_FM · 2019-11-21T15:38:36+00:00

I once received something close to #3, and I respected it. Bummer is that was one of my better dates, I thought we might at least get a few dates in.

Tutsks · 2019-11-21T16:33:37+00:00

It really doesn't fucking matter.

The thing that matters is if its a waste of your time, or it isn't. That is usually difficult to know a priori.

But, I don't think getting ghosted is even a problem. The problem is pinning and waiting to be messaged.

If you have that spare time, do something better with it.

Alex_O7 · 2019-11-21T16:35:19+00:00

It would be better but to bw honest it is easier to ghost and don't even explain anything.

As men we have to accept also ghosting, in the end it is like when IRL a girl just leave you, it happens and says a lot about the person. If any women behave like this clearly didn't deserve any of your time anyway.

rararawn · 2019-11-21T16:35:24+00:00

All of them

being this polite would never anger me

and if someone is rude i just lose all interest automatically, no need to drag the interaction any longer

KrAzyDrummer · 2019-11-21T16:51:53+00:00

Totally fine, I respect them a hell of a lot more for doing this than ghosting me. Tells me they are mature adults and are aware of what they want.

Ch8s3 · 2019-11-21T17:06:33+00:00

Even if a girl says some of these things it still dosen't mean it's the end of a friendship. I'm shy as fuck and went on a date with a girl. After the date she used the first line. I was respectful but still maintained contact. A few weeks later I posted one of those YOLO anonymous snapchats and a few girls messaged saying they wish it worked out between us, we should hang out, I have a magic dick (inside joke). She ended up messaging me saying you sure are popular. I guess the other girls made her jealous cause we ended up talking and hooking up. I guess what I'm getting at is none of this stuff is black and white. Have a little bit of situational awareness. You can usually tell if a girl will want to see you again. Just read the signs and ALWAYS be respectful

indridcold91 · 2019-11-21T17:13:01+00:00

There's really just no reason for this, just ghost me. Idgaf... On to the next. :)

manonpoint_com · 2019-11-21T17:16:25+00:00

Unpopular opinion I'm sure, but I used to be of the view I would rather have feedback, but now I actually prefer the ghost. How many times do you actually get honest feedback? And if you do, it will probably just hurt your feelings or hurt your confidence. The reality is that even these very polite rejections are still rejections that are heard, and rejections that are clear cut, like an actual response, weigh on our emotions way more than a ghost.

It also makes it very tempting to try to reason w/them and try to convince them to change their mind which is a major no-no.

Amitabh_100 · 2019-11-21T17:16:25+00:00

These are solid and guys don't cry about ghosting because let's face it we have all done it at some point in our life.

Lally_Pop · 2019-11-21T17:18:33+00:00

I have had a woman say one or two of these to me. We just moved on with our lives, I charged it to the game and kept pushing. Failure breeds success.

innergamedude · 2019-11-21T11:20:14+00:00

I'm sure we all identify with this, but what's the point in posting this on /r/seduction? We don't have any control over whether women ghost us.

Tokemoke · 2019-11-21T06:04:58+00:00

Honestly I would rather have her ghost. In my opinion it is the most honest and non abrasive way to tell someone you aren’t interested. I have ghosted girls as well because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her I wasn’t interested.

RaptorMan333 · 2019-11-21T04:46:59+00:00

How about the actual truth - "you didn't build enough attraction or really act like a man at all, so i'm going to go and get dick from someone who can actually do that and who goes after what he wants."

Why do you need some bullshit to let you down easy when you can simply man up and realize that either ghosting or any of these silly lines both mean that you fucked up on the first date and didn't make it happen, didn't make her respect you, and that you need to get better. Instead of having an external locus of control and putting the blame on her or luck to make yourself "feel" better. All of these phrases use "I" (her) and essentially take the blame off the man.

She ghosted you. She's telling you you're done. You fucked up. Take control of the things you can control and do better.

DrinkerOfWater69 · 2019-11-21T07:38:46+00:00

It would be nice... if I even went on dates...

anonymous478569 · 2019-11-21T13:25:40+00:00

You have never ghosted a girl or a person have you? The reason people ghost is because they do not feel safe telling you or the person or the company they ghost why they dont want anything to do with you/them. Very simple. Everybody would be honest if the consequence wasnt brutal by any chance. Like if I tell a company they suck for certain reasons then they will tell others how I behave and how ungreatful I am. Same with a girl who might not be pretty, she will talk shit about me in some facebook group she is. Or hell.. even on reddit. Just to feel better about herself.

This is one of the major reasons why I prefer ghosting, or as I would like to call it.. walking away. Instead of saying something that doesnt matter.

MrMemper · 2019-11-21T14:10:08+00:00

If you’re hearing this stuff chances are you already are a nice guy.

getyourlifeplease · 2019-11-21T11:25:57+00:00

The fact that you're putting something like this up, probably means you would turn into a "nice guy"

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