For men, being able to shrug at rejection is paramount in dating

Commercial-Way-1011 · 2024-03-26T22:55:48+00:00

And women wonder why men are jaded.

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2024-03-26T23:32:43+00:00

As usual, I suggest that men think of approaching women like playing baseball. A guy who can get a hit 3 times out of 10 is doing quite well. Even the very best guys, the true cream of the crop, are going to strike out more often than they succeed. And that’s fine. You’ll always get another chance to step up to the plate.

bread93096 · 2024-03-26T23:44:19+00:00

These guys who swipe ten thousand times per day aren’t healthy - that’s like hours and hours on end with your eyes glued to Tinder, every single day. I’ve done it myself so i know it does work, but it’s completely dehumanizing and not worth it.

MikeArrow · 2024-03-26T23:45:42+00:00

Speaking as someone who gave up on dating apps very quickly - my only opportunities come from women I happen to meet at D&D. Which is a predictably tiny pool of women to begin with. So it's hard not to pin all my hopes and dreams on each one that shows me any hint of interest at all. Which in my case has been two in the past six years.

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2024-03-26T23:44:52+00:00

On a side note, that dude’s date-to-sex conversion rate is insane. The fact that 70% of his dates ended in sex must mean he’s got some god-tier rizz irl.

Mental_Leek_2806 · 2024-03-27T01:09:23+00:00

Yeah as a bi woman who's comfortable making the first move I agree. I've had a moderate amount of success with women, and I've been rejected many times. This has been at parties, bars, and through OLD. Rejection is a part of life. You have to pick yourself up and keep it pushing. Getting rejected after a date - that stings. Anything before, though? Just have to let it go.

Handsome_Goose · 2024-03-27T00:04:48+00:00

It's simply that I do not engage in unproductive activities.

If I fail enough times without learning anything new or improving my chances otherwise I just abandon the activity.

Dating is exactly that.

campskills21 · 2024-03-27T00:28:52+00:00

There’s a good percent of guys on dating apps or by going out that can get 14 girls in 2 months. That guy went through a ton, but about 2 new girls a week is going to be a lot of effort for any guy.

I don’t know if most guys can at will date deliberately like you’re talking. Most guys waiting for inquiring for opportunities, which might be better anyway. Dating app girls, club girls, girls who go to house parties. These types of people involved in a hookup scene are not representative of women as a whole. Could be in most cases for many guys better to avoid them. Instead do day game, or just reach out more in your extended social circles.

Dating also sucks for guys because you waste so much time chasing women. It’s a whole hobby to date, sleep around, or go through process to find a new girlfriend through dating.

WesleyFRM · 2024-03-27T00:30:11+00:00

Rejection will feel personal, getting ghosted will feel personal, dead conversations will feel personal. But, none of that shit is true. It just means that person wasn't interested in you. Constant rejection with no success might be worthy of self-reflection and potentially a change. However, rejection is usually a fully individual decision that has zero bearing on anything that you can control.

How can you not take rejection personally? Getting rejected is literally someone saying that you arent good enough or arent worth my time. If they thought you were worth it you wouldnt get rejected. It is personal imo. How can that not knock your self esteem? This is why I dont get why people can say its a numbers game. Obviously I dont condone lashing out but it will hurt in some way. We are people not robots.

My Brother In Christ, can you change it? If not, why the fuck do care about it.

Why not just make the most of what you were given?

The fact that certain things cant be changed makes it worse. You can make the most of what you have and still be behind someone else who put next to no effort in. Effort ≠ Success. There are no guarantees. Dont know why some people here act like the opposite is true.

And the things you cant change are more important in my opinion because anyone can do those things. Your immutable traits hold more weight and determine the impact of the changes you make.

Enflamed-Pancake · 2024-03-27T00:06:53+00:00

I don’t think this is incorrect. For the average man, dating is an uphill battle with more rejection than success. A mindset that can weather that, or dismiss it, will serve better than one that gets upset.

Unfortunately I have yet to be able to not take rejection personally (I have never shown this publicly, I always conduct myself with dignity in public), but internally it does rock me.

TheRedPillRipper · 2024-03-26T23:59:00+00:00

Dating is a battle

So why not arm yourself? I agree with this post, except the rate of attrition. It’s far more efficient to derive validation, self efficacy, and ultimately confidence internally. Than it is to try and date, searching for it in others.

Thus dating doesn’t have an ‘attrition rate.’ Those people that leave our lives, however rapidly, are simply forgotten about. Then too what happens is one ‘frames’ dating differently. It goes from being ‘a battle’, to being ‘opportunities.’

biscuitcatapult · 2024-03-27T01:11:38+00:00

But, if not worked on, shrugging off rejection can becoming shrugging off effort. Then shrugging off effort become shrugging off women in general.

ZaWarudo234 · 2024-03-27T15:24:04+00:00

I've always heard that it isn't personal but like, they are saying you are not good enough for them, so could someone explain to me how that is not personal?

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2024-03-26T23:47:34+00:00

She's not yours. It's just your turn. Internalize it. Embrace it. Practice it. Realize that as a man, you will face constant rejection. There is no need to over invest in a woman. Because she will only be in your life temporarily. Enjoy her company while she's there and stop giving a fuck when she leaves.

obviousredflag · 2024-03-27T09:18:09+00:00

Not matching with someone is not a rejection. If it feels like this for you, then you need to keep your daydreaming and expectations managed. People like profiles for all kinds of reasons, most of them are validation for hopefully getting a match. Not opening conversations, not answering openers or having the conversation end after 2 exchanges is normal, because there never was an interest to meet. Everything that happens on dating apps is based on your profile, not your person, and their goals for swiping, not yours.

A rejection is meeting in person and being rejected for your person and whatever was the purpose of that meeting: Not having sex, not wanting a second date, ending the date early, etc.

If you fail to get people want to meet you in person, you have a marketing problem, not a product problem.

Traditional_Crew6617 · 2024-03-27T00:25:50+00:00

We don't just shrug it off. It seems like we do but inside, it stings. It stings more and more each time. Eventually it tears at our confidence. It just seems like we are shruging it off because men aren't supposed to show hurt and loss of confidence. And we sure as hell aren't going to give that girl who gets off on rejecting a really good guy the satisfaction. I know not all women do that but we can't tell who is who so we just roll with what we know.

That's how you end up with the good men just saying fuck it. They stay single and change their rules to dating. And unfortunately, all the good women looking for love suffer for it

izoldetales · 2024-03-27T02:51:59+00:00

Someone correct me if I'm wrong but aren't we encouraging men to open up ?

So basically OP and women who agree with him are basically telling men to bottle up the feeling of rejections but also want men to open up . Wtf

Are we just changing the rules every time women are involved or what?😂😂😂

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WilliamWyattD · 2024-03-27T03:06:05+00:00

I think you do damage to your soul if you get to a place where you are immune to the pain of rejection. Now, Tinder rejection is not the same as in person, of course.

I dunno what the solution is. Maybe men just need to be better. Put more effort into being attractive to women, including working smart so they are focusing their effort on things women really do need and find attractive. Then try to meet women more organically.

Stunning-Spirit5275 · 2024-03-27T10:45:28+00:00

The odds of getting dates on online dating platforms is akin to the odds of winning at the roulette table. I don't know why anyone in their right mind would bother

Substantial_Video560 · 2024-03-27T15:32:36+00:00

As an unattractive male I don't make the effort to approach as 99% I know what the answer will be. Being asexual too I have practically zero interest in dating.

Dertross · 2024-03-27T00:48:26+00:00

That's a fucking insane amount of rejection.

No, the guy who swiped a million times and got literally zero relationships is insane. What you posted is just -normal-.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-03-26T23:01:53+00:00

Yeah you should just don't act like a human being that have it's own mental health in order to get 14 starfish sex that cost probably 3 times the price that would cost to hire 14 prostitutes that would ride your cock like if you were a mechanical bull.

What about no?

My Brother In Christ, can you change it? If not, why the fuck do care about it.

This is loser mindset, you just accept how things are and keep moving because have no spine. Wow your wife cheated on you? Yeah you can't change it why do you even care? Same mindset.

Life isn't fair, it wasn't intended to be and it likely never will be.

If you're fine with this all power to you, be the little boy they want and continue paying your taxes so your son can be the next cuck and your daughter be another only fan content. Most men with a inch of dignity have a problem with it.

Why not just make the most of what you were given?

Because being used of my efforts is not the most of what i'm given, is in fact a downgrade from just not participating on it.

BTW the guy you posted in your comments had enough money to buy a 1k camera, so take this info the way you would like.

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BeepBeepYeah7789 · 2024-03-27T13:21:13+00:00

Over the years, I've tried to take rejections less and less personally. There's still that "sting", but I'm learning to not view rejections as attacks on my character.

Because when you're rejected many times by different women, you begin to realize that's most likely a personality/lifestyle mismatch rather than women's wholesale rejection of the male population.

Just as I believe there's no grand scheme by men to hold women down, there's also no grand scheme by women to reject men for dating and romantic relationships.

DannyBOI_LE · 2024-03-27T17:38:03+00:00

Rejection in all parts of life builds strong character which is the key to basically everything. Confidence your way through the maze of existence.

neinhaltchad · 2024-03-27T18:06:13+00:00

This is true.

What finally worked for me was to “reframe” what rejection meant and the narratives around it.

how other people feel about me is none of my business
if I got rejected, that means I tried and thus overcame my fear and anxiety which is actually a win
judge myself not on how many times I fail, but how many times I fail and continue

[Insert speech from “Rocky Balboa” here.]

grown_folks_talkin · 2024-03-27T21:12:30+00:00

Agreed. Some guys here believe they’ll lose their enthusiasm for women if they inure themselves to rejection. Trust the process, in all likelihood you won’t. You’ll get your immunity well before 800 matches or 8000 swipes too.

ToughingItOut82 · 2024-03-27T18:20:22+00:00

I feel like men experience more initial rejection but women experience more ghosting and dumping after going on 3 dates or more

rma5690 · 2024-03-27T20:44:46+00:00

You cannot outsmart negative reinforcement unless you are a sociopath or literally too dumb to comprehend the implications of negative reinforcement. If you are niether, you're staring into the abyss whether you like it or not.

LittleJ0hns0n · 2024-03-28T01:24:34+00:00

You got it half right: an abundance mentality is paramount but to get actual results you are better off using a heuristic search strategy rather than an exhaustive search strategy. Figure out who you're into and who is into you and how you can find the opportunity to meet them.

OSRS_Satriani · 2024-03-28T06:49:03+00:00

I've asked out six women in person this year and they've all rejected me. It bruised my ego at first but now I don't really care anymore. I'll keep trying while keeping my expectations low.

KSD171 · 2024-03-30T19:04:30+00:00

You are %10000 correct with this post. However, reaching this mental fortitude is EXTREMELY tough. We’re talking self esteem here: something everyone on planet earth understands. Most men and women won’t come close to this. They’d rather settle for self pity or hatred, because those are easily in reach.

It took me YEARS to reach his point of indifferences toward romantic rejection. It’s still not easy. I still hold an ounce of resentment toward some not all of the women who have rejected me, and that’s okay. I’m human, I acknowledge my resentment but the game is to never allow that resentment from coloring my perception. I’ve been there before it is a very dangerous experience to have.

dysonRing · 2024-03-26T23:45:46+00:00

I am going to agree with most of it except the last part. I can speak for women because I am logical and rational. It is like understanding how they work

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-03-28T00:09:07+00:00

The men here (not OP but many in the sub itself) really think women don’t get rejected? Like women swipe right in 5 guys, get 5 dates and have their pick of all 5! That’s delulu girlfriend. Women also swipe on 1000s of guys, match with 350, talk to 35 once, talk to 10 more than once and go on a date with 3, all of which don’t call her back unless she puts out.

Sex may be easy for women to get. Because men are easy. But that’s not what is fulfilling to women. Women are looking for what average men are looking for - a happy and healthy relationship with someone they’re compatible with. Matching with a dude who is DTF isn’t exactly a win in our book.

Going on a date and being ghosted is rejection. Going on a few dates and hearing he “doesn’t want anything serious” is rejection. Someone not matching with you or not starting a conversation with you is not rejection. Its nothing. It’s the absence of anything. Rejection means they know enough to accept or reject. If they never got that chance, there is nothing to reject. It isn’t about “not being good enough.” It’s just their personal standards. It’s not “I’m not good enough to talk to.” It “I didn’t meet whatever arbitrary standard she decided to set for her life.” Which is different for every human being. What I find hot, most women won’t. What most women find hot, I won’t. It’s personal preference, not a direct condemnation of your character as a human being.

_Chaos_And_Horny_ · 2024-03-27T00:40:20+00:00

Finally, a post worthy for the sub, was starting to miss that.

Safinated · 2024-03-26T23:21:54+00:00

Yes, because women aren’t men

We’re not going to fuck anything and everything

KB-HR · 2024-03-27T15:51:11+00:00

Why is everything about sex for yall

Title	For men, being able to shrug at rejection is paramount in dating
Author	Obtainable20
Upvotes	66
Comments	164
Date	March 26, 2024 10:46 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bolond/for_men_being_able_to_shrug_at_rejection_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/for-men-being-able-to-shrug-at-rejection-is.1513319 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513319

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