Housework split

krackedy · 2024-07-13T12:57:59+00:00

The amount of money made doesn't necessarily correlate to how hard someone works. Time is the most precious resource so I'd say it makes more sense to go by free time. If one person is doing 12 hour days and the other works 6, the person working less should do more.

The goal should be similar amounts of free time.

EulenWatcher · 2024-07-13T13:40:36+00:00

If a person complains, they aren’t satisfied with their current situation and they probably do see it as a problem. Trying to convince them that “it’s not a problem” probably won’t work and if their partner reacts this way, it’ll just add in to breeding resentment. For a lot of people it isn’t just chores or parenting, but a lack of communication and a lack of care.

Statistically if I remember correctly even female breadwinners still do more chores and childcare as well as couples with similar income.

I also think that you can’t divide chores just by your income ratio. One can have longer hours but make less money. Or have a more physically demanding job and still make less money. If you want to spend some quality time together and take care of each other, it would make more sense to split chores according to free time each of you have.

I.e. I work from home, husband used to work longer hours at some point while bringing in less money, but his job was physically demanding one. It would make zero sense for me to wait for him to come after his long hours and clean and cook for both of us.

Moreover, parenting is something you both have to do. You can’t substitute raising your kids with just providing money for them. You still have to be an active parent spending at least some amount of time with your kids.

PsychoticNurse · 2024-07-13T14:11:15+00:00

If both of you live there, then both of you are responsible for cleaning. If a woman is a SAHM, of course she'll do more housework, since she doesn't work outside the home. But even in those cases, that doesn't mean the man should just make messes for her to clean up after him, or not assist when he's off. The M in SAHM stands for mom, not maid.

In my home, sometimes I do way more housework than my husband. Sometimes he does way more than me. But we also split household chores based on what women usually do and what men usually do. Like, I'll vacuum and mop the floors. But my husband also busts his ass, he does the things that are (in his opinion) man chores, such as taking out the garbage, scrubbing the tub/toilet. But we also work together to clean the house when we're off work, he will dust things or sweep. I cook everyday and he loads the dishwasher. He understands he's my partner, and this is our home together. You're supposed to be a team with your partner.

You both live there. It's not on one person to always clean up. It your man isn't doing enough chores around the house, talk to him about it. Don't "punish" him or complain to your friends. Talk to him. Let him know this is his home too, and you're not his housekeeper.

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-07-13T13:04:58+00:00

I personally believe that the partner who brings more $ to the table gets to relax more at home.

They likely both work full-time 40 hrs a week. Why should one partner get more free time and recreation than the other?

It’s about equitable recreation, that’s it.

Disastrous_Donut_206 · 2024-07-13T13:14:26+00:00

I personally believe that the partner who brings more $ to the table gets to relax more at home.

This is one of the million reasons women are more open to staying single.

I make decent money. Enough to afford my own house, etc.

If I date someone who makes the same amount of money as me, great. We split expenses and chores, and both have a bit more disposable income and free time. What a dream.

If I date someone who makes more money than me… I’m suddenly doing more chores than I ever did when I was single. MAYBE they are willing to spend income on a dishwasher and a housecleaning service. But maybe not! It’s quite possible that the extra income doesn’t go to anything that I highly value, so my life is just worse than it was than when I was single.

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-07-13T13:21:40+00:00

It’s post like this that remind me why there’s a rise in male loneliness and more woman choosing to remain single.

I’d much rather be single and maybe slightly worse off than having to cook and clean after an entire other adult that thinks because he makes slightly more than me, I’m supposed to do 2 jobs.

Healthy relationships are not based on who does what for whom. It’s joint goals about paying bills and keeping your shared environment clean together. However you spilt that is up to the couple but basing it on your salaries is just gonna lead to resentment and eventually divorce.

KayRay1994 · 2024-07-13T18:22:18+00:00

Personally I think any dynamic could work as long as both parties are in agreement and are happy about it.

ie. if a woman wants 50/50 and the man doesn’t, then they should work to find a compromise between the two of them at the very least and both should discuss it. I find that more often than not the husband does dismiss it or play the weaponized incompetence game, which is completely wrong.

At the same time, you’re right in that there is no “rule” that says 50/50, but at the same time I think these details are exactly what need to be discussed before a couple moves in together. Too many people just jump into this and expect the other to fit into their value system then get mad when the other doesn’t. Stop and talk about this stuff, communicate then decide if moving forward is the right choice.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2024-07-13T12:58:01+00:00

I personally believe that the partner who brings more $ to the table gets to relax more at home.

Ah my favorite thought exercise.

I’m a medical student so my husband is the sole earner. However we both work or study the same number of hours in the week. Who should do more housework?

Few_Advertising3430 · 2024-07-13T14:09:42+00:00

Number of hours should be used to divide household chores instead of salary. It’s not like jobs are necessarily fairly compensated. My job is paid very well but teachers are unfairly not nearly paid as well. I would rather that my partner not measure my contribution by money, my employer can do that.

OkProfessional9405 · 2024-07-13T15:59:14+00:00

I think the other part of the equation on housework is who cares more. In other words, living with someone you have a reasonable expectation of you each not leaving messes, cleaning up after oneself, being able to tidy up. But beyond that, often one partner will have a much higher standard.

Like expecting vacuuming every day vs say once a week. In that case, the person who cares about this level of clean is the one who's going to do it.

The compromise is, you want to vacuum daily, I'm fine with weekly, I will not get in the way, or undermine or make difficult your desire to vacuum daily.

But in my experience, a lot of women just want something and then get mad that their partner is like, it's fine the way it is and so they count their personal want as something their partner isn't doing, when their partner's compromise is literally to not interfere with them doing it.

throwRA-lifeadvice · 2024-07-13T14:10:30+00:00

It should be based on how many hours you work, how demanding your job is, etc not how much your check is.

EqualSea2001 · 2024-07-13T14:40:48+00:00

Y’all collectively need to stop cherry-picking this one damn study. It literally disproves your whole post if you read it in full.

Planthoe30 · 2024-07-13T12:58:27+00:00

Nope, I work overtime and I pull my weight at home. Men can too. If working overtime is your choice and not a necessity that is what you choose to do with your free time. That isn’t women’s problem.

Edit: how about you nickle and dime your wife for housework and report back to us with how that goes. /s

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-07-13T16:59:35+00:00

https:// beikecelltherapy.com/ studies/the-value-of-the-stay-at-home-parent-in-2024.html

Rates for domestic and parental care by country and per child.

Here’s that fairness ya asked for, OP.

thelajestic · 2024-07-13T14:51:19+00:00

I personally believe that the partner who brings more $ to the table gets to relax more at home

Yeah but this is a shit belief for shitty people.

Housework should be split according to time available, financial contribution should be split according to salary.

I earn more than my husband. That doesn't mean he's my servant, or owes more housework to the household just because I happen to have more money. I actually like my husband and want his life to be as enjoyable as mine is.

If you do not want that, then don't have a relationship and instead hire a cleaner.

alwaysright12 · 2024-07-13T13:25:07+00:00

And men wonder why they're single

januaryphilosopher · 2024-07-13T14:31:38+00:00

If your "work-work" is more valuable then get that cleaner and split what's left. There is no excuse for sitting around feeling superior while your partner does housework if you both work the same hours. (I am a breadwinner.)

Sad_and_grossed_out · 2024-07-13T14:23:30+00:00

As a married woman who is with a man whos traded places making more or less money than me whole 11 year relationship, I'm absolutely not going to burn myself out doing all the housework while also also having a job, and my husband also doesn't want that because well, he likes it better when I'm not burned out.

These attitudes OP has are gonna keep you men single, or future divorced.

alwaysright12 · 2024-07-13T15:55:07+00:00

And since most men make more than most women in most relationships -

Because they do less childcare

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-07-14T12:55:10+00:00

Housework should be split in a way that works for both parties. If your partner is fine with doing more because you make more money, cool. If they aren't, this relationship isn't going to end well. In my relationship, we both do chores fairly equally because we both want to have as much free time as we can get to spend with each other and on our hobbies. If the other person decides that, fuck it, my free time is more important because I make more money, then that's not someone I'd stay with. You're not a good partner if you're trying to find ways to justify offloading stuff onto the other person.

SaBahRub · 2024-07-13T15:42:46+00:00

If you wanna make it about money, sure, make it about money

If you want to bean count, go ahead and bean count

Snekky3 · 2024-07-13T16:16:54+00:00

8 hours is 8 hours. Regardless of how much money someone makes, that’s time out of their life that they will never get back. Besides, even when women make more they do more housework.

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-07-13T17:55:41+00:00

I will never not believe in 50/50 for childcare and housework when you're both present in the home. I made 100% of the money and I wouldn't expect anything outside of pulling my own weight for work in the house or with the kids. Now he's working and he comes home and cooks dinner. He does 50% of the childcare and helps with whatever needs done throughout the night. It's not that difficult and I am not his mother, nanny, or maid.

bluestjuice · 2024-07-14T04:22:26+00:00

Lots of comments here already emphasizing that income matters very little compared to outlay of time and effort in various capacities. So I just want to mention one other thing.

Divvying up household labor based on relative workload rather than income is also drastically more convenient.

Just in the five years we’ve lived together, my partner and I have each had a handful of significant raises as well as two new jobs apiece. When we moved in together I think he was outearning me just a little; then my income pulled ahead for a bit, then we stabilized more or less in the same place, then he finished a degree and pulled ahead of me again (by the largest margin yet).

I don’t know about y’all but having to sit down and hash out how to reassign chores every time there was a major shift in income sounds exhausting. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Sad_and_grossed_out · 2024-07-13T14:23:20+00:00

As a married woman who is with a man whos traded places making more or less money than me whole 11 year relationship, I'm absolutely not going to burn myself out doing all the housework while also also having a job, and my husband also doesn't want that because well, he likes it better when I'm not burned out.

These attitudes OP has are gonna keep you men single, or future divorced.

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63daddy · 2024-07-13T14:15:13+00:00

This common argument is flawed in so many ways including:

As you said, couples make their own decision as how they will share and split work income and house chores. Why criticize their decision? Focusing on just house chores ignores the trade off that men work more and bring home more pay overall. (The pay gap feminists always are complaining about).
The survey information is problematic in many ways. Here’s a few examples:

A. Self reported information in general tends to be inaccurate, especially when it’s not as easily measured as a 8-5 job.

B. Similarly, how are hours of house chores counted? If I start laundry at 9am and finish at 5pm spending 6 hours on here during the course of that, is it far to say I did 8 hours of laundry?

C. What’s counted and how it’s categorized: Is it fair to count a wife spending a few hours gardening to get a few vegetables as house chores but not count a day hunting to put venison on the table? Is it fair to talk about women doing more chores without equally discussing home improvement projects men tend to do more.

We all need to take care of our homes. It’s misleading to call this work, since work is something we do for someone else for pay. If someone doesn’t want to do their own domestic “work”, they are free to earn more and pay someone else to do it.
It’s really twisted to look at being able to spend more time at home and less time at work as a burden, when it’s actually a luxury. Most people would love to work less. Wives are more able to accomplish this because society is hypergamous and gynocentric.

qunamax · 2024-07-13T13:48:52+00:00

Yes we can split, I repair things, do regular service on our car and clean it, cut the lawn, keep our computers and phones tidy etc. you can cook and clean the house. I go to work so you don't have to if you don't want to.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-07-14T09:10:06+00:00

It's not about money. I can ear more money than a waitress that is on her feet al day by comfortably sitting at my computer.

So I would count it not by money but by actual physical labor. Chores are actual physical labor, waitress or construction worker have actualy physical labor. If you ear more money by comfortably sitting at you compoter it doesn't entitle you to be freed from house work. In that case ok, pay a cleaning lady and other services.

Money doesn't count into this debate, only actual physical labor whether at work or home counts.

AMDisappointment · 2024-07-13T13:29:56+00:00

Agreed. If the man pays most of the bills, the woman should do most of the housework.

If it's an equal split with the bills, housework should be an equal split too.

If the man is paying most of the bills and also doing half of the housework, he's just hard carrying the relationship at that point.

addings0 · 2024-07-14T03:46:12+00:00

House chores? It has nothing to do with him, not doing house chores. It's about the fact that she doesn't want to do anything she doesn't want to do. Women don't want to be providers, they want to exploit men.

Do you really think a woman is going to stay with a man, just because she doesn't have to wash dishes? Think about what that means. If she says yes, she's selfish, lazy, and materialistic. If she says no, she's petty at least, and will only complain about something else.

It's not that men don't want to change. Being hygienic and doing house chores is something he's capable of doing something about. But her problems won't stop there. It's a smokescreen for a bigger issue. But what is he supposed to do, if she wants a divorce over folding laundry? There's nothing he can do to satisfy her. Nothing she won't complain about wasting her time on. And she still blames him for it. No matter how nurturing a man is, a woman will always find another reason to devalue him, because her pursuits always keep changing. She's not going to want to work hard or provide, no matter what he does. Women want joy out of virtue alone, without reciprocation of any kind. If men are controlling, then women are exploiting. All women secretly want to be Peggy Bundy from Married ... With Children, but don't have to stay home all day.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-07-13T13:56:35+00:00

Only in 2024 can basic chores and applying heat to food be seen as oppressive.

I’m finding women are far more messier than men and having worked in hotels for some years when I was younger I found this to be the case with most rooms we had to clean out. We always knew when the guests were women.

Title	Housework split
Author	Glarus30
Upvotes	0
Comments	388
Date	July 13, 2024 12:49 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1e29nqc/housework_split/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/housework-split.1524175 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524175

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