Women complaining from not getting approached anymore

brownbjorn · 2024-09-13T04:52:19+00:00

https://www.vice.com/en/article/saying-yes-to-guys-on-the-street-876/

I had decided to conduct an experiment wherein I would say “yes” to and engage in conversation every stranger who hit on me for two weeks. I wanted to get into their heads, find out who these men are, if their tricks worked and, perhaps most importantly, if they are aware that the majority of women find what they are doing incredibly fucking annoying and more than a little bit creepy.

Stuff like this kinda reinforces the idea that men should just stay away. Don't even make eye contact.

tekemuncher420 · 2024-09-13T02:09:56+00:00

As a 90s teen, I was taught:

Women are tired of men hitting on them all the time
Women don't want to be oogled at
Leave women alone
Guys that approach women are generally considered creeps

So... I listened, and more or less left women alone. I'm sure alot of guys heard the same message.

Wise_Jellyfish_2333 · 2024-09-13T02:08:06+00:00

Women I go on dates with complain to me about men approaching them at club, “I came here to dance”. But also went to a club for the first time last week and literally 5 of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen dance all night and never saw another man come up to them. Only women hahan. And pretty much the same for me, only gay men came up to me to talk and I’m not gay.

odd_cloud · 2024-09-13T03:38:56+00:00

Men don’t approach because: - they are afraid of looking like creeps. - they don’t really know how to approach - they don’t feel themselves attractive enough

Icarus367 · 2024-09-13T12:34:20+00:00

Women don't really want to be approached, unless the guy's attractive. What they're really saying is they want good-looking guys to approach. When an ugly guy does so, the woman is not merely uninterested but flattered that he should ask, he instead gets demonized as a "creep". Guys probably feel that the effort isn't worth it anymore.

Women can solve this "problem" by just approaching the men they like, as many already do. Women approach men all the time, and will even outright sexually proposition them. So, better to light a candle than curse the darkness in this case, ladies.

Tobor_Xes240 · 2024-09-13T16:01:10+00:00

In 2012 (ie pre #MeToo), I was escorted out of a DC bar after asking a female patron how her night was going. No physical contact, crowding, or blocking her escape route. Just an ugly-ish guy shooting his shot.

I got a wordless about face from her, so I went to the bar to get a round for me and my friends. I felt a tap on my shoulder, turned around half-hoping to see her, and instead found myself looking up at a bouncer. He told me that I needed to leave the establishment. My incel adjacent wolf pack half-heartedly protested on my behalf, but in the end I left on my own.

Once we were out the door, I asked the bouncer that I did wrong. He sheepishly replied that a patron had accused me of harassing her. I pointed out that I entered the bar less than 5 minutes earlier. And hadn’t made any physical contact with another patron, seeing as how the establishment was half-empty.

I know man, I don’t make the rules here.

Savings-Bee-4993 · 2024-09-13T02:11:44+00:00

There are not proper incentives to do so. The costs outweigh the benefits for our increasingly sensitized and overly-serious culture of fear, animosity, and lack of open-mindedness.

Zealousideal-Fix-724 · 2024-09-13T02:08:29+00:00

Women don't understand why we don't approach because they don't have to do it themselves. No job is impossible for the person that doesn't have to do it I guess lol. Women also have dating on tutorial mode themselves, so they assume we have it just as good. In reality, we take all the risk(legal, job, social, physical, etc.) in approaching, so it makes sense we would be reprehensive of it. If their job or freedom was on the line, they wouldn't be so laisse-fair about it either.

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-09-13T04:27:31+00:00

Where is the question in this post.

Many average and below men don't want to go through the pain/effort of constant rejection and humiliation to cold approach women who aren't open to it.

If they are hot enough women will eventually gravitate towards them anyway, so the method is only necessary for desperate men, people without a large social circle, and players who want to sleep with a large number of women.

Personally as a sub 5 male I would probably approach a unicorn woman even with 99.99% chance of rejection however unicorns don't exist.

Swordfromthecement · 2024-09-13T02:31:31+00:00

I generally don’t approach women unless I’m at concerts or festivals. I’m surprised to see women complaining about it.

I figured they’d prefer it with social media being a thing.

Unusual_Implement_87 · 2024-09-13T12:55:28+00:00

I thought women don't dress up for men? that they do it for themselves?

addings0 · 2024-09-13T13:40:58+00:00

Women only want to be approached by men, they already like. She has to be attracted to him, before either one has the other within their field of vision.

HydrazineHawk · 2024-09-13T01:57:00+00:00

A few big factors here:

Post the Me Too Movement, there’s a strong perception by men that anything remotely approaching hitting on women is a risk for an accusation
women are more vocal about unwanted attention from men, setting boundaries, and shaming men who are perceived to be crossing them
being perpetually online has left much of the younger generations lacking the skills and social confidence to approach women

Armagerdon · 2024-09-13T07:34:26+00:00

men are ignoring them and the only compliments they get are from other women.

Men who work hard to lift and get jacked: "First time?"

SadCahita · 2024-09-13T03:06:50+00:00

why would anyone hit on someone they don't think likes them back

GhostXmasPast342 · 2024-09-13T12:40:38+00:00

That’s not the entire thought that women think. Women want ATTRACTIVE men to approach them! They will still complain if the average dude approaches them. Of course, women have created this environment after going on social media and saying it’s not cool to approach them in any of the 600 situations they have outlined. What do they fucking expect? Again, all these rules they set go out the door if you are attractive. I don’t listen to any of that shit anyway. As a 50-year old dude, in my area there aren’t 50-year old women running around like they are 22. Fuck em. I approach them anyway!

hopeidontforget2021 · 2024-09-13T05:43:30+00:00

I see this sentiment online magnified, but in real life I have absolutely never heard one woman complain about not getting approached, only complain about being approached.

I think for women that fail at dating, they don't even know that was an option and they just purely cycle through the same 10% of men on apps.

This whole complaining about not being approached seems to be online rage bait material used to get clicks.

RycerzKwarcowy · 2024-09-13T13:24:58+00:00

Hot ice supply isn't as much as expected? Who would guess?

They thought that strict policing and creep-shaming will turn all into gentlemen mind readers, who whould approach in entertaining, nice way and only when approaching is expected. No. There's a law that says "90% of everything is crap" so 90% of approaches will be: awkward, undwanted, not in time or creepy. They didn't want them, so they remaining 10% is still mostly crap :D

Shaming men caused current situation, sure more shaming ("they're to lazy afraid to approach") won't fix it.

Fryhtan69 · 2024-09-13T15:54:46+00:00

Women are going to have to get used to "partnerships" rather than marriages now. Men simply have no reason or need to get married anymore with how one-sided courts usually are in divorce courts or with the unrealistic "standards" of the modern woman. Most women want a traditional man but don't want to be traditional themselves.

"My money is my money, but your money is our money," only if we get married sweetheart.

dimigod1 · 2024-09-13T18:58:28+00:00

They only want men to approach them so they can reject them . It's a ego boost. Also to many women telling men to Stop approaching because it's creepy behavior. I assume those women are either in relationships or gay.

Muscletov · 2024-09-13T11:35:34+00:00

Yes, (cold) approaching women in real life is pretty much dead and women killed it. And instead of taking the W and celebrating this feminist success story, they still piss and moan about men. Not only because they still want to be approached by high value men (and only them), but because apparently men collectively taking their advice and backing off makes women look bad and spiteful.

It's the same story with the male loneliness epidemic. On the one hand, they celebrate men being put in place and the fact they don't have to settle anymore, yet they refuse to take any credit for it because it makes women look kind of awful.

Hypoagency wherever you look.

Certain-Ganache-6213 · 2024-09-13T08:05:36+00:00

Look what they do, don’t ever listen what they say.

No_Mechanic_3299 · 2024-09-13T14:29:10+00:00

It’s really simple: women’s general attitude and complaints of guys approaching them (since women are typically disinterested in the majority of men) made men less bold. Also general fear of rejection etc. it’s almost not worth it

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-09-13T02:17:55+00:00

If she cute way too many girls are used to getting their specific type of guy or recognizably hot or known baller from their online options. As a result, approach has gotten harder than ever, it worked for me so much better in the 90s early 2000s. People were more open and social back then, and you had to meet people that way.

Now I just go online, it’s way easier, don’t get rejected publicly all the time, and get better looking women there anyway.

Shebalied · 2024-09-13T14:31:38+00:00

If you look at the /r amiugly area almost all the women who post say the same thing. They want to know if they are ugly because zero me approached or talk to them.

Oh well. So sad.

New83659 · 2024-09-13T15:43:27+00:00

Has anyone posted this study yet? I think this is the best data out there, so far everyone's only discussing anecdotes.

https://datepsychology.com/risk-aversion-and-dating/

74% of women aged 25 and below want to be approached more; 77% in the full 18-30 cohort. 68% wish to be approached more between 30-40, while for women 41 and older 45% wish to be approached more.

And the terminology is "approached more" so maybe part of the remaining percentage are neutral about being approached, and then another small part actually is disgusted, creeped out, etc. about being approached.

Weekly-Vacation-6929 · 2024-09-13T02:30:35+00:00

They complain about not being approach by you know who. The average guy not approaching is gods gift to them.

NataliaCaptions · 2024-09-13T09:31:36+00:00

The juice is not worth the squeeze

BeauxGo · 2024-09-13T04:14:48+00:00

It's much easier to reject someone online as opposed to irl. There's 50 dudes in your crush's DM, what's the point of even giving you a chance? It's imperative that we approach more.

Crimson-Pilled · 2024-09-13T02:05:44+00:00

Why should men approach women when they blatantly express their hatred of the average man?

shonenhikada · 2024-09-13T05:57:22+00:00

There is a study from 2023 which basically explained why. Reason: Men don't want to look like creeps.

saraimarsena · 2024-09-13T02:49:28+00:00

i personally don’t mind being approached as long as the guy is respectful, and ime, thankfully, 9 times out of 10 they are.

i’m not single anymore so it’s a no, but i’m at least nice about it. they’re usually obviously a bit nervous, and when i smile they relax. im not really the type of person to wanna make a guy uncomfortable, and usually im not bothered, im just not interested

i actually briefly dated a guy who cold approached me once.

Equal7Drive · 2024-09-13T04:18:05+00:00

Women: Complain about men approaching them.

Men: Stops approaching women.

Women: Complain about men not approaching them.

Men: ...

Feisty_Response_9401 · 2024-09-13T17:29:36+00:00

It's either women claiming they cannot go to the supermarket because they get approached everywhere, or women complaining men are not initiating or approaching.

I get women are different, so different experiences, but why are the differences so deep? It makes no sense. Someone must be exaggerating.

Specified_Owl · 2024-09-13T01:53:58+00:00

This is the flip side of male bosses refusing to be alone with female employees AT ALL where they would normally mentor them. Women are now not getting promotions because men refuse to mentor them one-on-one. The me too movement declared that whatever women say MUST be believed, so now most men won't take the risk. The Mike Pence rule has been adopted almost universally. Men are also see approaching women just to talk to them in a similar way and that is reflected in answers like "i'll get canceled".

Some extreme feminists wanted a world where most men are not willing to show any interest or desire. Maybe they got it, to the cost of all the other women?

I'd love it if women were now "forced" to resort to approching men themselves, but that might take a few years. And they'll all be approaching the same, taken, men.

AutomatShop · 2024-09-13T04:56:45+00:00

Women who want to be approached should learn how to communicate receptivity to approach, through: eye contact, open body language, and light & friendly conversation.

Presumably women need to target this at appropriate times, places and people.

It really isn't that hard- a woman can convey in platonic chit chat that she is open to conversation, which is step one. It is possible for the woman to signal to the man, and if necessary, initiate contact, and thereby eliminate his initial question of rejection.

Also, by publicly being friendly or effusive, a woman can reassure a man he will not be shamed in the social context.

Then finally a woman could make explicit her financial requirements such as mentioning some frugality or lower-cost hobbies preferably shared, if she wants to seem more accessible.

If he is worth it...

Mat_WhateverSilva · 2024-09-13T10:51:27+00:00

There's nothing to debate.

Malicious and stupid women ruined dating and approaching for other women and themselves, by portraying the act of approaching as borderline rape, men heard the message, and stopped approaching them.

And now these women that are "struggling" don't want to approach men themselves. Because it's "beneath" them to approach men on their level of lightly below.

So they continue to approach the top men, the top men use them and throw them to the side, and these women pretend to have equal issues of loneliness as men.

This sub and pretty much every other subs consider calling for accountability towards women as basically putting on a mustache, and going "Heil Hitler!"

So this topic will continue to be pointless and a joke. Because even women themselves, don't want to call out the women that ruined things for them. Because "yaas queen yaaas queen".

Simple. There's nothing to debate.

uglysaladisugly · 2024-09-13T12:45:01+00:00

I think it's good that men stopped approaching so much. It will force women to take a more active role in dating in general and this will be very good for everyone.

Sure they'll complain at the beginning. Then they will have to act on it.

This is important because women forced to get out of a "passive" posture regarding relationship and sex will also have great consequences on their sexual satisfaction and make the whole consent situation a lot better.

Warm_Gur8832 · 2024-09-13T13:28:09+00:00

I just don’t know what they expect?

“If you approach me and get it wrong, you’re a creepy incel”

“If you don’t approach me and get it wrong, you’ll just be alone”

I think most people would choose the second one and it’s entirely predictable…

“I’m dolling myself up to look hot, but don’t objectify me or you’re a misogynist”

“No means no, but chase me”

“I want to be heard but I want you to take the lead”

“I want to be respected and treated equal but fantasize about being tied to the bedpost”

“I want better jobs and pay for women but also a breadwinner man”

vs.

…just ask a random single man out and he’ll say yes most of the time? The worst case is no? There’s no “movie” to it.

I mean, women as a collective can’t be mad at the fact that men are finally listening to them and backing off… when that’s exactly what they’ve been saying that they want?

It’s just absurd 🤷

jay10033 · 2024-09-14T02:48:31+00:00

This is an excellent development. This is what women wanted and finally women are being made to be safe in the world.

Emotional-Drink1402 · 2024-09-14T17:52:34+00:00

They're complaining they're not getting there ego boosted.

envious1998 · 2024-09-13T02:37:15+00:00

I don’t see this very often. Women are content to use the apps to share chad until they hit a certain age and settle for average guys. I feel like those TikToks are psyops or something I’ve never heard a real woman I know complain about this

WhiteLotusGauntlet · 2024-09-13T04:20:38+00:00

Define "approached".

I have never gone up to a woman I didn't know and had never talked with and directly asked her out. I think that sort of thing is very rare among men nowadays.

But I have started conversations with women who are in similar hobby groups or friends of friends at parties or somehow 1-2 degrees removed from my social circle.

The thing that probably leads to these women complaining about men not approaching: I won't escalate that to asking them out unless they seem interested. And "seeming interested" requires a bit more effort than just putting on makeup and fancy clothes and "putting themselves out there". It requires the women to, in some very small way, open themselves up to rejection if they act more interested and I don't reciprocate.

So it doesn't happen, because modern women cannot handle rejection, especially not from men who are anywhere close to her equal in terms of attractiveness.

Khidorahian · 2024-09-13T17:35:11+00:00

I assume all women dress up for themselves or are lesbian these days. Don’t want to haggle or be invasive, just keep my head down.

SoldierExcelsior · 2024-09-13T03:10:59+00:00

Millennial men have checked out Gen X has checked into a retirement community..that leaves zillinals who are just wierd and have no social skills between social media and covid they're just cooked...also young milinials can't talk to people...

These girls walk around all dolled up like escorts and most seem to only care about money which young guys don't have...they can't take you to $500 steak dinners and buy you whatever the latest over priced IT brand is...so guys get discouraged.

Also they don't want to end up being aired out on social media or go through the humiliating rejection.

Aproaching women is whatwe call "Cold Approaching" and its a bad idea 99% of the time,Now theres going to be guys bold enough to approach and that's going to be women's dating pool unless they are willing to do some of the approaching themselves.

And this situation isn't going to change anytime soon.

TheCultOfGrogg · 2024-09-13T06:20:53+00:00

I think it’s weird that you like going on dates. To me that’s like someone saying they like going on job interviews that they have to pay for, where getting the job means they pay the employer in perpetuity.

Mermaid28 · 2024-09-13T04:13:09+00:00

I'm an older millennial(40s). I'm not someone who goes to clubs anymore, but for a recent family vacation trip, we went to a bar/club.

I was with my fiance's adult daughters and nephew (they are gen z). I grew up dancing with no shame. That's my generation. We dance. I knew the "kids" wanted to dance, but I had to be the one to make the first move. We had to be the first group on the dance floor. The place was packed with women, but nobody was dancing. I've never seen that before. The ratio was 7 women to 1 guy. I'm gonna sound old, but back in my day, it used to be a sausage fest. It's why so many places had free ladies' night.

Back on the dance floor, my fiance's nephew had a few moves. I saw other women staring at him. One group of ladies started to record him. I saw another girl join the dance floor to get near him.
I need to point out. The nephew is about 5'5'''and a bit overweight. He's a cute guy but not a 9 or 10. The ladies were feeling him.
I believe it's cause it's a straight guy who is making an effort on the dance floor, and there weren't many guys. I made it a point to tell one of the daughters which ladies were checking him out cause I left early. I'm old. I was tired. He did end up talking to a girl that night and exchange socials. He was really nervous and needed to work on his "game." But he did well. His cousins helped him out.

IMO for gen z. The ladies are there, and they are eager to dance. The men are missing and are not going out.

My generation and gen x are not going to clubs unless it's 90s or 80s night. This example was just fluke on a vacation trip.

vshirt · 2024-09-13T05:21:06+00:00

Women got what they asked for. They just didn’t think through the consequences. I have deaf ears for complaints about it now. Equal rights come with equal responsibilities and accountability. If you want to change it, simply give up the right to vote, which was unfair to begin with.

ThanosSnapsSlimJims · 2024-09-13T18:00:23+00:00

If women complain about not getting approached, make them explain this first:

https://www.fox29.com/news/woman-charged-for-lying-about-attempted-rape-kidnapping-in-bucks-county

If you want to approach women, just avoid the US, Canada and the UK in order to protect your freedom and rights.

Impressive_Change289 · 2024-09-13T18:48:32+00:00

I went the next step and completely left the country. I ignore all American women when I see them abroad too. They're just problems.

AngeCruelle · 2024-09-13T02:53:42+00:00

Men who were already in favor of approaching like to hyperfixate on these women to use as a gotcha against women who express discomfort with it.

The simple reality is that some women want to be approached, others don't. Nothing is going to make everyone happy. Similar to how men on the internet insist men love it when women split the check while my own experience indicates a lot of men vehemently prefer to be the one paying.

Planthoe30 · 2024-09-13T05:31:53+00:00

I haven’t noticed and I’m not even someone who gets approached a lot because in my house and when I’m not at home I like to be in nature. I was hiking in the mountains a couple weeks ago and I didn’t feel like men were avoiding me. 1 even complimented me but I smile at people and am friendly. Men won’t approach unless I’m by myself or with my mom which is how it works outside college.

Nihi1986 · 2024-09-13T09:39:55+00:00

It's a blessing that now they can do it online, honestly... I mean, I have never tried online with random people outside Tinder, I would feel super embarrashed if using any social media like IG, FB or TikTok, whatever...but if I know the woman (or is tinder) it's much easier than approaching in person.

I have seen some of those threads/posts I think but honestly the women complaining seemed to know it was good bait, they get massive attention for posting something like that. I don't think they care, women do approach the few men they like all the time.

Throwaway4CMVtho · 2024-09-13T10:25:20+00:00

It's quite simple. There is an unspoken social contract about approaching women. You basically have to guess to know if she's receptive or not and only then it is acceptable. It's the myth of "unwanted attention" - all attention is unwanted until it's wanted, so it's not fair to call an approach unwanted attention. Sure, that's in the eye of the beholder, but it also means there's no objective wrongness in approaching.

Enflamed-Pancake · 2024-09-13T10:31:44+00:00

I don’t cold approach with the immediate intent of asking for a date.

When I speak to women at the bar, or are introduced by a mutual acquaintance, I’ll just chat normally and if I think there is some compatibility I’ll throw in some flirting and see how it’s responded to. If the response is positive I’ll ask for a date.

But over the last 5 years I’ve had only 2 instances where that flirting got a reciprocal response, out of at least 40-50 attempts.

Ill-Consideration208 · 2024-09-13T20:37:28+00:00

yeah, but if you approach them and your not the right type its borderline criminal. they do it to themselves. and im not surprised men are more cautious these days

CroslandHill · 2024-09-13T21:30:37+00:00

It always puzzles me when people say that men aren’t approaching women in public places “any more”. Like there was some kind of golden age when approaching women in bars and clubs was something the average man did all the time. I’m M50, throughout my adult life the main ways of getting a date or finding a partner have always been through school, work, hobby groups, evening classes, on vacation or through friendship groups, and since around 2010, online. Guys who did cold approach in bars or nightclubs were always a very small minority and it was generally seen as a way of getting casual sex more than anything else. I feel that I must have been living in some parallel universe these last 30 years.

Warm_Position_8889 · 2024-09-14T03:47:03+00:00

DONT. Sexual harassment and gold diggers are 99.9 percent guaranteed. DONT approached westernized obese and only fans women

SaBahRub · 2024-09-14T08:50:49+00:00

This would be a problem if cold approaching was the most common way people meet

But it’s not

proffessorCouch · 2024-09-14T19:59:54+00:00

Well the idiots told us not to!

DapperDan1929 · 2024-09-14T21:36:54+00:00

I gave up at 47 in 2020

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-09-13T06:39:26+00:00

I see a growing number of posts on reddit about women complaining that men are not approaching them anymore.

Really?

Opie67 · 2024-09-13T03:23:47+00:00

Give some approach tips

Certain-Ganache-6213 · 2024-09-13T08:11:09+00:00

Do they act feminine and pleasant? If not, no wonder everyone is ignoring them, they are simply invisible for the guys they want.

rrrattt · 2024-09-13T16:50:44+00:00

I get approached plenty at "adult meeting" places like bars, clubs, concerts, hobby meet-ups, performances, etc. Any time I'm away from my BF too long someone is asking if I'm alone and can they buy me a drink. I'm not super hot or anything, I'm fairly average, I think I just look approachable because I'm usually alone and dancing and having fun. I don't think it's hard to be approached if you want to be. I think people are either not going to places where people are encouraged to approach (fun adult spaces) or they're going and staying in a group of friends or standing in the corner looking bored. I'm also nearly 30, I know younger people seem ti be going out less. Although, I meet a fair handful of younger folks when I'm out.

I don't think it's necessarily bad that people are approaching more only in certain spaces that are deemed "appropriate" for approaching, but I do think it's an issue that these places are mostly bars and clubs, although that's not really much new. Places where adults congregate tend to have alcohol. I wish there were more adult events and 3rd spaces that encouraged meeting new people. I don't love being approached when I'm walking to work or grocery shopping, but I don't mind at all if it's in a "hang out" environment, my mindset is totally different and open to socializing and meeting people, and the mood is convival and not "I wanna get done with this task with minimal interruptions and move on" vibes. 3rd places disappearing is a big issue with my age group I think. With younger people, I think it's a mix of that and being so used to meeting people online that a lot of people hate the idea of going to a potentially awkward real life event.

I'm sure where I live and my experiences are a big influence on how I see this though. And the fact that I'm autistic have covid and woke up half an hour ago so I'm rambling sorry lol. I think it's not a bad thing if hitting on strangers has appropriate and inappropriate places/situations to do so. However, there needs to be more access and variety to these places and situations. I live in a city so I have more access than many. I've lived places where there was no where to go to meet people. I understand why people are stuck with either meeting people online or approaching random people at gas stations. Meeting new people through friends is just not what it used to be, especially after you're out of school.

I think honestly, if someone wants to meet new people in real life and not online, you need to be either in a city with plenty of 3rd adult spaces and events/hobby meet-ups, or you're going to have to meet through friends or work or join something like a Church. As much as I enjoy being left alone on an average day when I'm just trying to get places and run errands, it obviously leaves less possibility for people to randomly meet, so it has pros and cons. My answer is more fun adult 3rd spaces and events that encourage meeting, but if you live far from a city that's probably not a good answer. I feel sorry for the younger generation who may have even less adult 3rd spaces, and even more reliance on swiping pictures of strangers in their phone hoping for the stars to align. Logically, meeting people online should open up more possibilities of meeting someone you match with, but to me choosing from headshots with a description is nothing compared to being able to go out and meet lots of people in real life.

I admit, if I'm going about my day and busy, not in a comvival headspace, I do find it annoying if someone approaches me. I'm always nice, as long as they are, but I'd rather have been left alone. If I'm at an event, I love to be approached and meet new people. But there are less and less spaces and events for adults to meet. In the past I think most people met at either events/spaces for their age group, family/church, or through mutual friends hanging out or going to a party. I don't think most people met through asking a random person out on the street. I however don't understand why someone would be angry at someone for trying to chat them up at a social event, I've never witnessed that. I'm sure it happens. Maybe younger generation are just more antisocial. But I know younger people who go out and have fun and have no issue meeting new people. I think the issue is either less young people willing to go to social events where they'd meet new people, or lack of access to them. But where I live, people who go out seem to have fun and meet people fine, both older and younger than me. People who don't go out complain about not meeting people, I'm not sure what they want lol. I'm gonna have another coffee and stop rambling

krackedy · 2024-09-13T01:54:21+00:00

Never heard a woman complain about this, although I'm sure it happens. Most women I know are either in relationships or quite content to use the apps.

Fauxmannequin · 2024-09-13T06:30:22+00:00

I believe that for most women, context is the most important part of the discussion for whether or not we’d like to be approached. However, that got lost in translation. Most men simply heard “women don’t like being approached” and adjusted accordingly to what they understood that to mean. However, the creeps that caused women to start saying that in the first place aren’t known for listening anyway, and so did nothing different.

So the more respectful men don’t approach at all, and the creeps still approach whenever/however they always have. And women of course still aren’t happy, and now neither are men. And most of both genders tend to think it’s the other side’s fault when really, most of our issues boil down to poor communication.

AutomatShop · 2024-09-13T04:48:07+00:00

I haven't tried Bumble- don't the women message men there? Surely then the women there are pursuing and courting men, asking out men on dates they have planned and cover?

What's the problem?

Or do women instead only ask men to ask them out, basically kicking men in the shins and acting coy?

And what men do these women want to approach them?

MidoriEgg · 2024-09-13T07:01:56+00:00

I think I used to get approached more a few years ago, but I also used to go to clubs more, and worked somewhere with a more equal gender split (as opposed to now where it is more women), and used to get a higher rotation of staff (so often working with new people). I also wear an engagement ring now.

Whenever I (occasionally) go out to a club type place, still get approached.

Haven’t been approached on public transport recently, but then again, I can drive and afford taxis now so I don’t spend nearly as much time there.

I get less messages from social media, but my accounts also have tighter security from randoms, and it’s clear to people who do have me that I’m in a relationship.

So I’m not sure if men approach less or if I’m just older and my lifestyle has changed. I’d have to confer with a 18-22 yr old and see if things have changed.

slazengerx · 2024-09-13T07:33:24+00:00

I live in Latin America. I have no idea what this is all about.

platyyyypus · 2024-09-13T12:38:36+00:00

I’m handsome, post college and don’t approach women. It’s too stressful. I just use OLD and set up dates. I think most guys either use OLD or they play within their social circles (more intimate parties or friend get togethers).

I know if I approached a woman she would likely be PHYSICALLY interested. But that’s just one bar. Then you have to be charming, think of stuff to say, bring game. Otherwise it’s just awkward and hurts your self esteem. For me it’s just fear of not being funny, not saying the right thing.

I get lots of matches in OLD, but generally they are mid women in terms of physical features. But I don’t even see 8+ women on tinder in my city I think they have abandoned it.

Ya I feel ashamed I do not approach women, seems like I am leaving my potential match or soul mate open to getting scooped by some grubby guy who doesn’t deserve her but what can ya do.

eye_of_gnon · 2024-09-14T15:40:31+00:00

This is largely a western problem, with your crazy laws, tbh.

User9424432 · 2024-10-17T15:08:29+00:00

It's simple really. Women expect men to be able to understand social cues extremely well (almost to the point of mind-reading) and want men to behave exactly the way they want, give them things they want without them telling you anything. A real man should be able to figure out when a girl actually wants to approached by him, or not. So if you're not a mind reader, you are doomed to be a creep

FuzzyBadFeets · 2024-09-13T03:43:09+00:00

Y’all better get back to cold approaching…the stats are in why fight over mid chicks that are over gassed on these dating apps. Been with my girl for 3 years and it all started on a cold approach

FaultySchematic · 2024-09-13T06:43:56+00:00

It's not that fucking hard. I used to think it was but now I can very reliably get laid.

It's simple. I do this

Send/look for nonverbal cues- eyes. Always the eyes.
Start a conversation and see if I like her.
Tell her "I'm into you" without waiting for a response to that and invite her to do something with me. (Last time the "thing" was literally eating her pussy, but she suggested it, which was context appropriate. But it could be getting a drink or riding bikes or whatever).
Do the thing. If the thing was not sex, ask if she wants to grab a meal/drink.
hang out at her place or mine
Bang.

7, Decide whether this is just a FWB thing or if there's potential. Very important to make it clear early.

It sounds stupid but, that's fucking it. that's all I had to do all along. The most important thing is reading those nonverbal cues. If you don't know, it's a no.

Low-Signature-5908 · 2024-09-13T05:12:52+00:00

When I approach women it doesn't really lead no where as either they aren't interested or they have a partner so... well for now im not going to try anymore at least for some time until I feel confident enough to do it again lol

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-09-13T10:41:27+00:00

I don’t think this reflects in reality. In my city me and my friends get approached almost daily. It’s normal for men (and sometimes women) to approach women on the street, subway, bus, gym, supermarket etc. I go to bars, restaurants, parties, the park and see men approaching women all the time.

I don’t think this is as widespread as ppl make it seem and I would guarantee it’s a small number of women that are complaining and small number of men who don’t want to approach.

Jessica_Rabbit69 · 2024-09-13T13:48:13+00:00

Also I find it interesting for men successful dating is meeting 10 people a week. For me successful dating is finding a partner lol

EminemLovesGrapes · 2024-09-13T21:20:15+00:00

I'd rather let her signal she wants to be approach then me just doing it.

That's safest. If she's looking for eye contact and gives more signals I go. Otherwise it's a no and I just pay attention to the bros.

LordShadows · 2024-09-13T21:42:34+00:00

Some women want to be left alone, and some want to be approached.

Both take it as either an attack or an insult if you don't respect their expectations.

Both think most women want the same thing as them and thus expect men to know what they want.

Of course, most women won't be frontal about it. If you politely approach a woman who doesn't want to, she'll politely let you know. And if you don't approach a woman who wants to be approached, she'll respect it.

Yet both will complain about it to their friend, social circles, and possibly social media afterwards.

Anonreddit96 · 2024-09-13T21:57:35+00:00

Correction - they are not getting approached by those that they want to be approached from. They want high tier people to be attracted and make the first move and take all the risk. They couldn't care any less if 1000's of respectful people approach them, if these women don't see them as attractive

7incowboy · 2024-09-13T22:47:47+00:00

on one hand, women say they like men that are confident, but on the other hand don't want men to approach them cause it's creepy?

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2024-09-14T09:39:39+00:00

Men can't approach women anymore. We'll get accused of sexual harrassment.

Windmill_flowers · 2024-09-13T03:44:14+00:00

You can see the the same on youtube, tiktok, other social media,

I don't think you're allowed to use social media as a reference on PPD. Every time I do that people want to chop my head off.

But to your point, yes I have seen this complaint there

PandaTaco90 · 2024-09-13T04:09:03+00:00

Me and most guys I know irl still approach women and get numbers and most of us are average looking. I don’t know if it’s cause we’re more experienced now or if it’s cause a lot of guys aren’t approaching anymore but getting girls has been easier than ever for me.

eyewave · 2024-09-13T04:44:15+00:00

These days I'm trying to get a friend of mine to approach more. I'm giving him crash course exercises where he shall just go say hello and speak as long as he can. Seems to go well but of course we're not just yet escalating to phone numbers.

I find this "the juice ain't worth the squeeze" somewhat true, in that you want to be selective enough. In my point of view it's not enough anymore that a woman knows how to doll up. I also want to be able to enjoy her in other ways: spending time together, being bored together, going on hikes together, speaking about books and music. Anyway those were my 2c.

Parrotsandarmadillos · 2024-09-13T08:20:55+00:00

You will get nothing if you don’t approach. So improve your chances by doing it first. Women won’t be able to tell you are nervous unless you are shaking or stuttering.

Jessica_Rabbit69 · 2024-09-13T13:44:46+00:00

So men view lining up dates are the power being on their side? 😂 yall do realize that’s normal for women too. We don’t have issues getting dates, people are complaining about being approached in public. But most relationships I know formed over social media, dating apps, mutual friends or work. Not being approached by strangers doesn’t mean you have a shortage of dating prospects as a women. That is mostly an ego thing. Men still greatly outnumber women on apps, I wouldn’t say that is having power. Maybe power for the person that has the balls to talk to women, but not power for the gender as a whole

peachyyarngoddess · 2024-09-13T21:06:57+00:00

they dress up, doll up, “put themselves out there”, men are ignoring them and the only compliments they get are from other women.

Wait what do you mean they are getting compliments from other women?! Women do not compliment other women anymore. I get dirty looks from women I compliment. Women’s hostility towards other women is at an all time high. I wish more women talked to me..

I definitely get more men approaching me in public still. Very nice men a lot of the time. I do notice when men who aren’t my type approach me and try to ask for my number and I never know what to say to them and they kinda get pushy but for the most part most men have been acting nicer towards us in public. At least towards me.

SoggyEmergency861 · 2024-09-14T04:32:12+00:00

This comment section is severely lacking in women. I feel it’s hard to say anything about such a thing without women’s input as you can attribute this lack of men approaching women to many other things, in general we’ve seen that men nowadays are dating less and even having less sex. This isn’t JUST because of women’s changing standards and attitudes towards dating. This could be things like changing styles of parenting, society increasingly becoming labor and income focused (you’re worth as much as you earn) which leads to increased stress, an increase in introversion due to the surplus of entertainment you could keep yourself busy with. People (especially after covid) have kind of lost their ability to go outside and socialize. I myself as an autistic person found it difficult to socialize after a couple of years training for it, I completely lost all of my progress and can’t understand people anymore, men or women.

Also the ‘good guys’ vs ‘bad guys’ argument is a very weak and overused argument by men who generally suck at dating and have a sense of entitlement, simply put, women aren’t a monolith and those who date bad guys typically aren’t aware of it (initially). Nuance is key!

MongoBobalossus · 2024-09-13T02:17:10+00:00

Do whatever you want, is my philosophy.

I think approaching is still a tried and true method, even if less dudes are doing it. Whatever works best for you.

AutomatShop · 2024-09-13T03:59:41+00:00

Yes, this is good for men who are available.

For me it is really great in a way, but I'm not rich enough to really provide incidental value, so I'm still basically unable to provide relationship value beyond caring, which is just embarassing.

It's nice to have people be pleasant to me, but I feel like I'm in arrested development, so I am not really viable or eligible for marriage, so... to what end should I date women? Date women I want to marry and be rejected or disappoint, or date women I would not marry, who either would be hurt or openly are callous to me...

And women of course are dangerous, and dating strangers randomly without intent can be dangerous. So I guess I should not approach ie date women until I have a house, am on track to wealth.

There's absolutely no point to me dating women my own age seriously as I may not be in a position to provide for children for some time...

AutomatShop · 2024-09-13T04:40:24+00:00

I think my wife will leave me if I don't complete a braggable degree, or be bullied by other women, or see other men or divorce as preferable.

And I probably haven't met wife yet!

So I already view dating as artificial, that to me superficial metrics will count for a lot. So I will have way, way more dating attractiveness with a degree I don't really need...

So the market already seems saturated and artificial. I don't mind the degree but I resent the anti-intellectualism rife in mainstream society. Such as the change in the Democratic voters from supporting free speech before ~ 2012 to current anti-speech, pro-censorship mainstream.

I don't know if I will be able to have kids before I retire, as then I can raise them staying at home without childcare expenses.

Also, would it be right to bring a boy into the world the way the world is going, with terrible outcomes and a zeitgeist of vindictive anti-male double standards?

ProfessorOilNGas · 2024-09-13T13:25:53+00:00

I haven't noticed any change. Women don't want to be approached by men that they find undesirable. They don't want to be overtly oogled by men they find undesirable. Undesirable men that don't leave them alone are creepy.

I have noticed also that there remains a minority of men, mostly the obviously unattractive ones, that have odd revenge fantasies about how the women that ignored them before will somehow be lonely and unfulfilled in the future. Some will, but not because of the withheld attentions of these omega males. They were never in the game and nothing that they did or didn't do would ever have affected the dynamic in any event.

obviousredflag · 2024-09-16T17:56:40+00:00

60% of young men have NEVER approached a woman and don't plan on doing it!

You don't need to approach a woman to have sex or a girlfriend. I approached my first woman after having had 14 years of combined relationships and about 30 sexual partners (women). Things just happen. Also, online dating.

TopShelfSnipes · 2024-09-16T20:49:11+00:00

Honestly? Good. Confident men will do better, and the ones who are too nervous, insecure, or scared, will figure it out or not.

These things are cyclical. At some point the pendulum will swing the other way again.

Ok-Entertainer-1401 · 2024-09-17T08:05:22+00:00

This is what women wanted.

Comprehensive_Cup293 · 2024-10-14T17:41:20+00:00

Lool women don’t know what they want. They say they don’t want men approaching them, then when men stop approaching them they complain about that to. Then they post videos on tiktok crying for attention and sympathy because men don’t approach them anymore. What women really want is the really attractive looking dude that has a lot of money to approach them yet these men don’t want them for anything other than a good time and sometimes these men don’t even want that from them. A unattractive man is deemed a creep, and an attractive man is simply accepted to approach. 😂😂🤷🏻‍♂️

Jebac46 · 2024-11-30T13:06:53+00:00

Coach Greg adams

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-09-13T03:11:19+00:00

I’m not complaining AT ALL about not getting approached.

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DeJuanBallard · 2024-09-13T18:36:50+00:00

The way you ended this tells me you are spending too much time thirsting for mid box

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-09-13T11:15:26+00:00

It depends on the approach

A guy walking up to a woman and instantly asking her out is creepy. He knows nothing about her except how she looks. It’s dehumanizing.

A guy striking up a casual conversation about a shared experience - you’re both out at the same place, finding a topic of conversation shouldn’t be difficult - is not creepy. Chat for a minute or two and see how it goes.

There’s a difference between being a creep when approaching and approaching creepily.

Disastrous-Chart-928 · 2024-09-13T12:42:41+00:00

If women like you enough they'll ask you out, I asked my bf out. All my friends asked their bfs out or it was at least mutual effort.

We don't need skinny fat 5'9 bald men approaching us anymore, we can actually safely pick and choose now, actually assess if a man will be good for us and our future. That sounds mean as hell but would men really want the average Woman approaching them? all they do is complain about how fat they are and how much make up they wear.

Become a better man, work on your self and women will ask you out if you're worthy of procreating, it's really not that deep.

KatsutamiNanamoto · 2024-09-13T10:46:53+00:00

Are these women in the same room with us?

onlypham · 2024-09-13T13:32:12+00:00

This post is revenge fantasy fiction at best.

attendquoi · 2024-09-13T02:31:16+00:00

As a woman who's never had an issue with approaching men, I don't feel much sympathy.

That being said, I know for my more tradcon friends, the issue of approaching is heavily tied up in their beliefs about gender roles. But that means they also wouldn't date a man who wants women to approach, anyway.

Title	Women complaining from not getting approached anymore
Author	Glarus30
Upvotes	168
Comments	594
Date	September 13, 2024 1:47 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ffjalb/women_complaining_from_not_getting_approached/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-complaining-from-not-getting-approached.1530176 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530176

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