I recently split up with a man in his 50s who was in the midst of divorcing his wife of 20+ years. When we started dating the separation had already begun. Wife had already moved to another state, they agreed on everything amicably, it was uncontested. Their kids (early 20s) were stunned but not surprised as they had been in a loveless marriage for the past 15 years. Divorce was supposed to be finalized end of this year.

We split up very recently after he informed me in multiple conversations that his wife and kids had pleaded with him to reconsider the separation. Wife was now in therapy, ready to change her ways. They had been in and out of couples and individual therapy in their 20+ years of marriage and nothing worked. But now it seems wife is turning over a new leaf.

He comes to me to say he’s considering reconciling with the wife out of obligation to the family. That he has no love for her, but the idea of a broken family tears him apart as he’s a child of divorce with a rough childhood.

He wants to remain in contact with me as “friends”, insisting that I am the love of his life. I call BS and tell him to respect the reconciliation with his wife by cutting off contact.

Would you ever reconcile purely out of obligation to family? What was all of that? I now know it was a bad idea to get involved with someone who was still in the process of divorcing, but I’m trying to move on while trying to understand where he’s coming from.