CMV: "Watch what women do, not what they say" is misogynistic

Zabadoodude · 2024-11-16T15:55:48+00:00

"Watch what they do not want they say" is great advice, and can be applied to more than just women and dating. People will often say something just because it makes them look good, or because it's the generally accepted view and not introspect at all, or to spare the feelings of whoever they're talking to.

MongoBobalossus · 2024-11-16T15:49:17+00:00

Actions speak louder than words, which isn’t “misogynistic” if you’re saying one thing but then doing another.

If you’re consistent in your rhetoric and actions, no one will take an issue.

SomeSugondeseGuy · 2024-11-16T15:59:15+00:00

It's just another way of saying, "actions speak louder than words."

I could listen to women talk about how attractive good and/or emotional guys are until the cows come home, doesn't change my experience.

My experience is that being friendly and emotionally available has gotten me nothing but apathy and lipservice if I'm lucky. Good friends, no romance.

Until that changes, I will assume those words are untrue, as I have seen vanishingly small levels of evidence to the contrary.

leosandlattes · 2024-11-16T15:52:15+00:00

Well, the advice given to red pill women (and other women, to be honest) is to watch what men do and not listen to what they say.

The reason for this is that people’s actions are more often a better indicator of their beliefs and thought processes rather than what they say. In my career field (UX design and research), we observe users actually using products rather than ask them questions for the same reasons. What people say is almost always not the complete story.

And so that’s not misogynistic at all.

balsag43 · 2024-11-16T16:10:56+00:00

If your POV contradicts your actions is it truly your POV?

If men said they love big boobs but only dated people with flat chest would it be misandry to notice the discrepancy?

mashedturnip · 2024-11-16T16:06:49+00:00

If only applied to hetero dating, no. Because we can say “watch what men do, not what they say” to straight women, and do

Tywinlol2 · 2024-11-16T16:33:26+00:00

Your posts went from being bad, obvious bait to just unhinged, it makes no logical sense bait. Arguing that arguments based on observed experience are misogynistic, whether right or wrong empirically, is just ridiculous. Your propositions do not connect with your conclusion.

treadmarks · 2024-11-16T17:39:48+00:00

You're the one trying to "silence voices" and hide the truth by casually throwing around labels and insults like "misogyny" instead of dealing with evidence.

Cunnin_Linguists · 2024-11-16T16:18:54+00:00

Men don't care about your words if your actions contradict them, that's basically what a virtue signal is.

So yea it's not misogynistic to hold women accountable.

srwat · 2024-11-16T15:59:11+00:00

I feel the main confusion that occurs between men and women understanding each other in regards to what this post mentions are the following factors to keep in mind, for now I can separate this into 3 layers or so but don't look at this as definitive or exhaustive by any means:

- Default Socially Conformist Answers: Many women will give answers they really don't personally feel but know are answers their friends or society would also agree with, and are deemed as safe answers so they'll have these as "go-to" answers especially if dealing with a stranger or someone they're uncomfortable with opening up to.

- Conscious Answer: This is what a woman is aware of that she either actually wants or thinks she wants. For her to give this answer in a conversation usually requires a higher level of trust with whoever she is talking with since sometimes these answers may be far from socially acceptable and she may feel judged for sharing such answers.

- Unconscious Behaviors: These are repetitive behaviors that guys that have dated around notice as patterns or trends and yes, they are sometimes unfairly projected unto women that are not actually doing said things, but there are times these unconscious behaviors contradict both the default socially conformist answers and conscious answers women give, thus some guys to preserve their sanity, which one could arguably say is unfairly, decide to use analysis of the unconscious behaviors as weighing more heavily than any other answer when deciding how to feel about women.

Personally in all my life experiences, the latter 2 bullet points in combination give the most fair assessment over who someone really is and how to go about navigating interactions with them.

KGmagic52 · 2024-11-16T16:54:35+00:00

Men noticing that women's words don't always match their actions is just an observation, it's not misogyny. Anyone who views it as such is just reacting emotionally to a truth that makes them feel bad, so they lash out and blame men instead of admitting that some women say one thing and do another. Classic dodge of accountability.

classicslayer · 2024-11-16T17:02:15+00:00

No it's not alot of people care more about projecting a image instead of being what they actually claim to be. It's good and useful advice.

SnoopyDru · 2024-11-16T16:34:37+00:00

"Watch what women do, not what they say" is misogynistic

There is nothing hateful in the statement actions speak louder than words. That's not misogyny.

2024-11-16T15:52:09+00:00

Examining what people do as opposed to what they say is basic critical thinking that used to be taught in schools. The Five Ws: who, what, when, where, why and how.

You can't ask people to be willfully ignorant and take everything they hear at face value.

Also, it's not misogynistic since applies to men as well as women.

Spread-Em-Plz · 2024-11-16T16:04:20+00:00

WDYT

I think you’re wrong. Simply put, actions speak louder than words and no one is exempt from this rule

None of the shit a woman says to virtue signal matters at all if who she dates in reality isn’t reflective of what she says. “Height doesn’t matter” but has a pattern of fucking tall guys?

“Doesn’t prefer ‘bad boys’” but exes are all supposedly shitty?

Yeah no one’s buying that and they shouldn’t be expected to.

“Height doesn’t matter” and she’s dated all over the spectrum of height? “Emotional vulnerability is attractive” and her dating history aligns with that sentiment? Alright then, that’s fair enough

All about action. If I constantly told you that you were my best and hardest working employee, and that I plan on giving you all the raises and promotions, but then I proceed to give them to someone different time and time again, do you just keep believing that I really value you as an employee?

wtknight · 2024-11-16T16:51:41+00:00

It's supposedly advice for men to give each other. It's not supposed to be something that is actually told to women. One of the tenets of TRP is not to talk about TRP with women, but men on the internet bring up TRP points to women all the time, of course.

But pragmatically, watching what anyone does, man or woman, rather than what they say, is probably good advice and not misogynistic or misandrist at all. Men often say that they want one thing but then act completely differently too (saying that they really want "good girls" but then actively pursuing promiscuous ones or ones with BPD and being bored with actual "good" women, for instance).

Lovers691 · 2024-11-16T18:06:38+00:00

You should watch what people, not just males or females, do not what they say. That said lol at this:

Height doesn't make a big difference

Height is very important to the point that 47.8% of when will reject a male for being 5'8 but only 1.55% of women will do so for a 6ft man(source).

John_Oakman · 2024-11-16T18:50:57+00:00

Moral doctrine over reality is great and all until one has to actually interact with reality in any capacity.

rag3light · 2024-11-17T01:02:51+00:00

Yeah bro sick argument. "Just because Jack went on a killing spree doesn't mean he was lying when he said that he's not violent and believes all life is sacred."

Behaving in contradiction of your statements is literally one of the biggest way to negate your statements in EVERY OTHER WALK OF LIFE.

Grade: D-

Overarching_Chaos · 2024-11-16T15:59:01+00:00

That's a whole lot of words just to say that you should basically be allowed to lie 🤣🤡🤣.

Happy_Difference_734 · 2024-11-16T15:54:41+00:00

The only voices it dismisses are liars'. Otherwise your words and actions will align.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-11-16T16:04:56+00:00

If they weren’t, observably, so different, then so many men wouldn’t spread the message.

So I guess you are… blaming women?

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2024-11-17T04:17:46+00:00

OH good, you are arguing that we shouldn't take greater value in watching you sleep with men, opposed to believing you hate men and don't sleep with them (true story RECENTLY about someone local, saying one thing, I didn't beleive it, and watching her humpty hump the next day)

I say, good luck to you!

There are too many experiences overwhelmingly over the years contradicting the value of trusting just her words.. ;)

Exceptions may include actually building trust with someone, knowing them well, etc. Maybe. Otherwise if I don't know you, say what you want, I will still judge you based on what you actually do, and laugh at the old age texts patting myself on the back for placing them on a shelf of approval.

I had EVEN another incident, but we can't share all that stuff online, not all of it, all the time.

West_Assignment7709 · 2024-11-16T17:52:51+00:00

I think this is just the "Women are wonderful" effect.

Yes, actions speak louder than words. You're not being silenced. Bffr.

Ultramega39 · 2024-11-16T16:13:16+00:00

People can and will say anything they want. They can tell you that they really like Sci fi movies when they've never actually watched any. Sometimes people will lie to themselves about what they believe or like in order to gain the approval of someone else.

Actions (or lack of action) reveal a lot more about someone's character than what they say. It takes more effort to do a action than to tell people about it.

Someone can say that they love helping vulnerable people but when they pass by a homeless person on the street they just glance at the homeless person in disgust.

0kayz00mer · 2024-11-16T17:32:17+00:00

Publicly stated preferences suffer from I bias that I like to call “identity group moral credentialing bias”. Men and women are more likely to promote statements that assign positive credentials to an identity group they associate with like gender. I think a good example to demonstrate this regards height.

Reddit is mostly left-leaning in general so calling out women’s preference for height is often downvoted and censored due to more people on Reddit associating with a pro-women and/or anti-male identity group. However in real life it’s pretty easy to see that most women do care about height. While there are examples of women not caring about height, that tends to be the minority, not the majority. Because of identity group moral credentialing bias, people on Reddit eagerly highlight the more moral and positive minority group of women that don’t care about height while deflecting focus away from the majority of women that do in order to assign more positive and moral credentials to the women identity group.

It can be frustrating as a shorter guy struggling with dating to be constantly gaslighted that women don’t care about height so your dating struggles are entirely your fault and you need to improve and beat yourself up and hate yourself. I don’t think it’s misogynistic nor an attempt to silence/censor women for simply calling out the truth. Women will eagerly upvote and promote moralistic statements that they don’t care about height for the moral credentialing, but in privacy / anonymity elsewhere like dating apps they start exercising height preference.

Hellsteelz · 2024-11-16T19:40:02+00:00

OP, serious question.

Do you have a personality disorder or are mentally disabled in any way? Everytime I browse this subreddit and see the most stupid/brainrot topics its you posting them.

ApprehensiveMusic351 · 2024-11-16T19:55:09+00:00

Height doesn't make a big difference

Continuing to lie about obvious things is not helping you or other women.

Why lie about it?

Savings-Bee-4993 · 2024-11-16T20:43:48+00:00

Wrong again.

It’s a piece of advice given to people to help them better navigate the world, not a sexist mark which “silences women.”

InterestingDiamond35 · 2024-11-16T22:18:22+00:00

Im gona go ahead and use the principal of “watch what women do, not what they say” for this very post😄

Women say the darndest things!

addings0 · 2024-11-17T00:07:56+00:00

Inevitably the response is, "Watch what they do, not what they say". This is just another way to silence women's voices and dismiss our POV. Which is misogynistic.

Why? Because a man is doing it? A womans actions are as important as her voice, because that's what her pursuits become. A woman can express her voice all she wants, but it's not the only thing happening. It's just what she wants men to focus on. Not thinking highly of a womans choices, doesn't make a man a misogynist.

Hoopy223 · 2024-11-17T00:28:12+00:00

Bad troll account is bad

Watch what people do, not what they say, is common sense lol

There’s even a Bible verse about it (practice what they preach)

untamed-italian · 2024-11-16T15:52:12+00:00

"What what they do not what they say" silences no one. You are free to speak, and everyone else is free to ignore your speech in favor of your actions. 💅

_weedkiller_ · 2024-11-16T16:12:59+00:00

“Watch what they do not what they say” is a pretty useful bit of advice for all relationships in your life as it helps protect against gaslighting. I can see how in this context it would silence women to an extent.

Too often people will call out abusive behaviour and the person being abused says all this stuff in the abuser’s defence. These are things the abuser has said to them “I’m a wonderful father”, “I only get jealous because I love you so much”. But if you actually look at their actions they are not congruent with what they say.

One of the most powerful words a psychiatrist ever said to me are “those are his words, not yours”.

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2024-11-17T04:33:03+00:00

This applies to lots of other different things and people, not just these dating and gender issues

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2024-11-17T04:34:04+00:00

Well also, when certain people hammer on about fairness and equality but don’t exactly practice what they preach

shadowrangerfs · 2024-11-17T08:59:58+00:00

It's the same as saying, "Actions speak louder than words". Is that misogynistic?

Also, this same thinking applies to men. I've seen lots of women point out that men will say that want a woman with a natural body or a woman who is modest. Yet the half naked woman with fake tits and ass, posts a pic on instagram and it gets thousands of likes. Those women who say that, are right to say that. A LOT of men date women who are the opposite of what they claim to want.

To address you last sentence, would you apply that sentence to a man. If a man said the he likes smart women. but he only dated dumb women, would you take him at his word and say, "He likes smart women" or would think that he's saying he likes smart women because that's what society says men have to say?

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2024-11-17T10:58:00+00:00

This has nothing to do with misogyny. This is just people not agreeing with these statements because they themselves have observed something different. This doesn't mean that neither party is right or wrong. And also doesn't mean that either have any negative concentrations about the opposite sex.

Financial_Camp2183 · 2024-11-16T17:57:31+00:00

Ask ANY woman to describe her ideal man, the kind of person she'd date. What will she say? Let me guess; funny, kind, emotionally intelligent, etc.

Then ask her to in a few words describe her last 3 boyfriends.

That's why nobody trusts what women say lmao, it's just junk bile.

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-11-16T16:46:09+00:00

Girls don’t say what they want or what they do unless you really know them, people’s honest opinions on Reddit would get downvoted so they just don’t bother to say.

Last 2 girls honest opinions on guys that were a breath of fresh air, because it wasn’t standard virtue bs.

Girl 1: I like tattooed guys with big dicks, I also like rich and decent looking guys that want to buy me a purse.

Girl 2: I hate short guys they’re mean. I also don’t like narcissistic buff hot guys, I tried they suck, they also cry a lot because they’re on hormones turns me off. I’m currently dating 2 handsome Indian doctors I met off dating apps, I like them because they worship me.

If you know cute girls who date and they got a few drinks in them, they’ll say what’s really on their mind. The types of girls who date around and use men for entertainment in a meandering process to find a boyfriend, is much more of a norm than many guys are willing to realize. Girls don’t go into every date with the intention of finding the love of their life.

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2024-11-16T22:25:37+00:00

apparently it only applies to women

when a mans actions dont match his words he is voted president

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LillthOfBabylon · 2024-11-16T23:48:09+00:00

Your reasoning isn't what makes it misogynistic. Whats sexist about it is:

They ignore when women do things that put them in a positive light, such as date men who are the ideal man nor a dark triad.
They never want to apply their logic onto men, even when there’s evidence men don't do what they claim men do.

aleknovkovski · 2024-11-17T13:20:43+00:00

This isn't gendered. Humans tend to say one thing and do another.

In business you learn to study what the customers respond to, not what they say they would respond to. It's called stated preferences and it's accepted that humans tend to believe one thing and even get mad that you don't believe them, but they are actually lying to themselves.

Watch what people do, not what they say...

EulenWatcher · 2024-11-16T16:03:11+00:00

It should be "watch what people do, not what they say", but I'd also argue that you should listen to people talking as well. You can get a pretty good impression of who they are just by what they're telling you. Most people aren't good liars, and when they feel comfortable with you, they'll gonna spill the beans. Some are also so low in self-awarness that they'll tell you stories on themselves thinking they're in the right in these stories.

With TRP applying it to women the problem is probably in the sampling. If they mostly hang out with women going for bad guys, that says a lot of about their social circle and women they pay attention to.

Title	CMV: "Watch what women do, not what they say" is misogynistic
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	0
Comments	127
Date	November 16, 2024 3:44 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1gspyua/cmv_watch_what_women_do_not_what_they_say_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-watch-what-women-do-not-what-they-say-is.1535954 https://theredarchive.com/post/1535954

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