Main problem with promiscuity is not even that they are bad

butagoodpersonality · 2024-12-30T04:24:16+00:00

Biggest problem I see is people (mostly women just from my own friends) who have casual sex and say they’re okay with it but are actually absolutely hoping and praying it turns into more.

If you are honest with yourself that you want casual than that’s great- but I’ve seen so many people hurt because they really think it’s gonna turn into more tho they’ve said a million times they’re okay keeping it casual

izzzy12k · 2024-12-29T18:24:04+00:00

I think a lot of it comes from the fear that your formerly promiscuous partner will relapse back into it if things hit a bumpy road sexually, for whatever reason like medical or emotional.

Nobody wants to be cheated on when you've invested time and effort into a serious long term relationship.

Now, is that fear warranted?

Unfortunately, we all hear stories where partners will stray in such situations, like high risk pregnancies or surgery.

Technical_End9162 · 2024-12-29T16:02:22+00:00

Another problem is that people hide their current/past promiscuity when dating for monogamy, then when the person finds out you that they’ve been lied to it’s bad

Bright-Piccolo1218 · 2024-12-29T17:40:52+00:00

I'm in general turned away from promiscuity because I think most people are hypocrites when it comes to their sex life. Plenty of people will have sex with people with incompatible values or personalities or not take the time to properly screen them for those things in the first place; to me throwing away your values for a quick high is gross.

A second aspect is that most promiscuous people have the expectation of getting into a sexually monogamous relationship down the line. Which again, I find hypocritical; if sex can just be sex why not be okay with an open relationship? We would never say you aren't allowed to have dinner, go to the movies, or have fun with other friends or acquaintances while in a relationship becuase sometimes dinner is just dinner, movies are just movies, and fun is just fun so if we can also say sex is just sex why is that the only activity 99% of people expect exclusivity for in a relationship?

Pitiful_Progress_699 · 2024-12-29T17:09:32+00:00

While I wouldn’t necessarily think it would be healthy for a person to be super promiscuous (whatever that is) why should I ultimately care? And shouldn’t people enjoy sex?

VWGUYWV · 2024-12-30T14:21:38+00:00

Every highly promiscuous woman I’ve known was damaged prior to becoming that way

Sure, some loudly proclaim “that’s not true of me!” with their crazy eyes darting

Open-Quail-2573 · 2024-12-29T18:14:42+00:00

There are negative consequences. People can deny it all they want since they are not "directly" harming anyone. However, there are "negative externalities" in social terms. People get traumatized, mental health issues arise, friendships get ruined, a lot can happen.

Woke_Wacker · 2024-12-30T12:43:36+00:00

Research says otherwise.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9808998/

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7871523/

There is some contradicting research here and there, but to say sexual risk and promiscuity is, without its drawbacks, is 304 cope.

Alternative_Chain330 · 2024-12-29T18:35:31+00:00

This is why the whole 'daddy issues' trope exists.

Women that lack positive attention and a secure attachment to their parent(s) seek it out with men. So they sleep with them quickly, resulting in multiple ONSs or serial monogamy.

I think Cassie in the t.v show 'Euphoria' exemplified this quite well.

There are women who genuinely enjoy casual sex and get off easily, but I don't think they're that common.

notmyrealnamepapi · 2024-12-29T17:28:39+00:00

Promiscuousy is unhealthy for everyone. The more promiscuous, the more likely to divorce, the more likely to be less satisfied, more likely to cheat etc etc etc. Promiscuousy should not be seen as normal

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224540903536162

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2024-12-29T17:23:32+00:00

My only issue with promiscuity is that I observe that a lot of people don’t do it for sexual gratification but rather for attention. People in serious relationships tend to have more sex.

wtknight · 2024-12-29T16:03:31+00:00

Most psychologically healthy men would choose to have casual sex if they could, and many psychologically healthy women are choosing to have it and enjoy it, only being harmed by the judgments of others around them rather than something inherently bad about casual sex.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like casual sex. But it's not because I believe that people who choose to have it are always somehow psychologically unhealthy.

SuckingMuffin · 2024-12-29T16:08:00+00:00

Most SUPER promiscuous people I've met WERE bad people. From lying about abuse and traumatic events to cheating on partners to pretty intense emotional manipulations.

I've seen it far too often to not notice a correlation between promiscuity and poor moral character.

All the real sociopaths I've met have been really promiscuous people.

I don't know if it's that being promiscuous makes you bad, or being bad makes you promiscuous, but I don't really care. I just know they tend to be bad.

Spirited_Cod260 · 2024-12-29T16:31:08+00:00

Most of that bad stuff is the result of slut shaming. We really need to stop that. Sluts are an underappreciated resource. Women who fuck only because they want to with no ulterior motive are the best!

EugeneCezanne · 2024-12-29T17:47:56+00:00

It can be motivated by all of those factors. So can a wide range of other behaviors, some of which are highly normative. The factors you mentioned can make someone sleep all day, or get fired from every job, drink too much, or ruin all their friendships. They can also make someone turn into a highly productive workaholic, or create great works of art, or dive into meticulous fitness.

My point is that since the same traumas can lead to such a wide range of reactions, we should logically require a different set of criteria for judging the outcome as either positive or negative. Nor can we fully divorce an outcome from free will

Tylikcat · 2024-12-29T20:58:18+00:00

These things can be more complicated, too. I came out of a fairly wretched and abusive family environment (though privileged in other ways). Both my sister and I were pretty sexually active in our teens.

For me there was a fairly deliberate sense of reclaiming this all for myself. My sexuality belonged to me, and existed for my pleasure. I had a lot of fun, and while there are an incident or two that weren't great, I have little to no regrets. I can't really predict how things would have been had it not been for the messed up family (though I suspect I would still be fairly cerebral, and have a pretty high libido, both of which played into my sexual style.)

My sister had a tougher time of her adolescence generally. (Partly because going to college early opened up options for me she didn't have. Though she really didn't want to go to college early, and subverted attempts by our father to have her do so.) She was the favorite, and our parents fought over her in their divorce. I know she has things she regrets, but I don't know if any of the sex is on that list. She's been with her partner for the last twelve years now, though :-)

DoubleFistBishh · 2024-12-29T22:02:47+00:00

I feel like most women are pretty open about discussing mental health and trauma so I don't know why people just can't accept that some women simply like casual sex because it feels good and that's it. You guys are just fine accepting that there is nothing wrong with men who think this way. No idea why it's such a foreign concept that a woman can think this way as well.

RoseyButterflies · 2024-12-30T09:09:15+00:00

There is no issue with promiscuity other than STDs as long as you are honest and it is consentual for all parties.

The issue comes with people being promiscuous and lying about it and hiding it. So essentially just cheating while in a relationship or married.

LillthOfBabylon · 2024-12-29T16:03:00+00:00

It depends on how theyre having sex. If its risky very impulsive type of sex, there’s clear indication of trauma. Also, promiscuity can be a problem because of cheating.

EssentialPurity · 2024-12-29T18:54:52+00:00

Yes. This all stems from societal apathy and Individualism.

As the Bible shows, God castigates those whom He loves. It teaches a very unintuitive but ultimately important lesson: people who hate you don't mind if you destroy yourself through your psychological or material plights. People who love you, on the other hand, will fight tooth and nail to protect you, including from yourself if needs be.

Since society is steeped in hatred, bigotry and selfishness, the resulting scenario is not some oppressive dystopia. It is actually a very liberal paradise of freedom in which people are enabled, tolerated and liberated all the way of sleepwalking into the abyss, unimpeded, unmolested and uncared.

Suddenfury · 2024-12-29T16:43:52+00:00

The problem is people project their unhealthy relationship with sex onto others.
You must assume sex is inherently bad to say it is a form of self-harm.
Depression can cause you to want to take a trip to Paris, but you wouldn't say traveling to Paris is problematic.
For some reason humans have an ambivalent relationship to sex, we want it and fear it at the same time.
This causes all of this slut-shaming we see in almost all cultures and religions.

Technical_End9162 · 2024-12-29T16:03:27+00:00

The typical example of this is lily phillips, who convinces herself that she enjoys what she’s doing but couldn’t hide her tears from the camera

ArdimAtaraxia · 2024-12-29T20:54:31+00:00

The entire conversation about promiscuity/body count is misrepresented.

I don't need to ask for your body count. I can roughly figure it out through your behavior. There is no pure slut and there is no slutty virgin. These are fantasy tropes at best. The woman who has fucked over a 100 men will behave differently to the woman who has fucked 5 over the same decade-long timespan, and very noticeably as well.

If you understand anything about human psychology, you'll understand this. Disagreeing is cope.

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Desperate_Coat_5244 · 2024-12-29T17:36:47+00:00

So you are saying that even a very rare type of promiscuity is not a problem, but it’s just behaviour caused by actual problems? Sounds like you are finally getting it.

DGenerationMC · 2024-12-29T18:53:58+00:00

waits for the "you're not responsible for other people's emotions/feelings" crowd to show up

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-12-30T17:30:11+00:00

if a person says yes, thats free will.

stop it with that idea people say yes and its not a yes because of some back ground. if they are having sex because of some past trauma, you need to work on yourself and break the mold.

thats all victim hood mentality and needs to be held in check.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-02-10T19:32:40+00:00

That's why i sandwich the sex between two therapy sessions.

HonestResource6823 · 2025-04-13T04:25:52+00:00

Casual sex is nasty and I flat out refuse to participate in it and anyone who says otherwise is taking advantage of me because I specifically don't consent to sexual relations unless I'm in a committed exclusive relationship.

HonestResource6823 · 2025-04-13T04:29:01+00:00

Sex offenders hiding behind the term promiscuity is just another pathetic attempt for has been fuckboy manwhores to try to stay relevant when no one gives a shit about them anymore because they're trash people.

TasteAccomplished · 2024-12-30T00:57:19+00:00

If you think that having sex with lots of people makes you inherently lesser, to the extent that people can only do so if they've suffered, that sounds like more of a you problem than anyone else

I am continually baffled by people who think that anyone with a different value system than them is repressing trauma, and that they're doing them a favour by telling them what's best for them

TheGoatJohnLocke · 2024-12-29T16:46:53+00:00

brilliant22 · 2024-12-29T16:10:46+00:00

but that often women and men do not get into them entirely of their own free will.

I thought men who are getting into casual sex put a lot of time, effort and skill into it (which apparently explains why they should be praised for it)? If you put this much dedication into something which is very difficult to achieve I would say free will plays a pretty big role in it. You could argue their desire is not the result of free will but that's a different conversation.

EetinAintCheetin · 2024-12-29T16:44:53+00:00

Oh god. Not another one of those weird pseduo psychoanalytical posts trying to describe anyone who doesn’t fit into society’s little box as sexually abused, emotionally abandoned as a child, traumatized weirdo. Some people just enjoy sex and don’t take it too seriously. If you didn’t take it so seriously, maybe you’d get laid more.

ThatBitchA · 2024-12-29T19:04:20+00:00

I just enjoyed sex. 🤷‍♂️

I don't think this sub understands promiscuity in reality.

It's always tied to sex workers, OF and IG baddies. It's a much of revenge fantasies about women. Or made-up scenarios with the most fringe extremes.

I don't even consider myself promiscuous in real life.

Title	Main problem with promiscuity is not even that they are bad
Author	Cultural-Ad-8486
Upvotes	30
Comments	212
Date	December 29, 2024 3:59 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1hoywug/main_problem_with_promiscuity_is_not_even_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/main-problem-with-promiscuity-is-not-even-that.1539846 https://theredarchive.com/post/1539846

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