Do women generally experience shame about sex and their sexuality?

fiftypoundpuppy · 2025-04-09T07:20:19+00:00

I'm sorry, how would women be doing the same things outside of the bedroom as we do in them without breaking several laws?

There's a time and place for most people to be sexual, I'm really confused why this led to a question about shame. Are we supposed to be dry humping in public?

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-04-09T09:08:26+00:00

Feeling shame is not the same as being shamed

SlothMonster9 · 2025-04-09T09:28:12+00:00

For me the primary reason I don't display a sexual persona in public is that I know that doing it will automatically put me in a dangerous position. Just smiling is enough for some men to believe you're into them, now imagine what being openly sexual would do. It would feel like an open invitation to some creepy guys.

half_avocado33 · 2025-04-09T07:10:10+00:00

Perhaps there are multiple reasons, i can only state mine.

I have 0 libido outside a relationship. I never masturbated in my life, never watched porn either. Sex is not on my mind.

In a relationship, my libido is reactive. I still need to be flirted with and the mood has to come somehow. The rest of the time, sex is not on my mind at all.

Hence, i am a bit yucky about open display of sexuality. I won't tell that person, but I pretty much don't want to hear or see horniness. Like keep it to yourself and contain yourself.

Competitive_Lion_260 · 2025-04-09T07:38:42+00:00

Not me. Never have had any insecurities or felt shame or anything.

But i know that many women have or had feelings of shame and in some way oppressed their sexuality.

It is obviously caused by backwards patriarchal believes and the different standards there are for men and women. Where a woman's worth is based on her virginity and women who have sex are called sluts, easy, chewed up gum, damaged goods, and not worth having relationships with while men are praised for having sex and they are 'The Man' if they have sex with multiple women.

Thats why this ( sexual shame and oppressed sexuality ) is a much larger problem and a still very much held belief in Islamic countries and other countries where women still have very little to no rights at all.

And even in western countries where equality and woman's rights are written in the law and accepted as a given in daily life, many women still face being shamed and being held to purity standards on a personal level in their life by their families, religion or community. And often it is both the men and the women from communities or countries where this is still very much a thing who enforce this on their daughters.

Sophiatab · 2025-04-09T19:23:01+00:00

Women often don’t think about sex as much as men do. Their sexual urges seem to be a lot less frequent. So for most of the month, many women live without strong sexual feelings, and sex isn’t really on their mind day-to-day.

This is false. I don't think men's and women's sexual urges are that different. Women are just more self-disciplined. partially because the risks of sex (pregnancy and potential pariah status) are thousands of times greater for us than for men and partially because sex with a partner is just potentially more dangerous (we could be more easily killed by someone bigger and stronger than us). So women learn to earlier to control our sexuality and often abstain from sex with a partner for long periods of time. Men have much, more luxury and freedom to indulge in their sexual urges.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2025-04-09T08:19:40+00:00

I definitely don't go "most of the month" withlut thinking of sex, and sex is on my mind pretty much every day. The thing is, I feel tgose urges entirely towards my boyfriend and nobody else.

No shit women behave differently in a sexual context and a non sexual context. So do men! I've thankfully never seen my male family members in this context. Men are doing their jobs normally wuthout being sexual. Men are able to be normal and non-sexual members of society.

Personally, I don't feel shame for my sexuality.

flutterybuttery58 · 2025-04-09T07:33:18+00:00

Misogynist / alpha males etc shame women for having any sort of body count.

But they brag about having a high one.

I’ve been shamed by men.

Never in my life have I been shamed by a woman. But I’m sure there are women that would - just not the ones I hang with.

With exception of my mother - if she knew!!

Thatshygurl · 2025-04-09T11:43:21+00:00

I’ve always had a higher libido and lifting weights has only increased it, so there are times where I feel a little insatiable and I can’t quite pin why but I do feel shame when I fantasize about a cute stranger who’s smiled at me.

I would never have casual sex because I know it wouldn’t benefit me in anyway, only hurt me emotionally, but the thought has crossed my mind and for that I have felt shame.

I don’t think shame ever leads to anything beneficial, it’s not what keeps me from having random hook ups so I wish I could just let it go.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-04-09T12:01:26+00:00

I very frequently think about sex, and usually masturbate 1-2 times per day.

Some of the hiding is shame: being seen as sexual beings causes people to think we deserve less respect, or even that our lives are meaningless/we are worthless. Some of it is just common decency: I'm at work. Sure, I can think about how hot my client is. Or, I can be an adult and do my job. Focusing on my attraction to him/her will only make the objectivity needed in my work much harder, and is generally a waste of time. Or, I'm at the grocery store. I can think the cashier is hot, but she can't leave and is being paid to please me, so bringing it up to her would be very rude, and plus, I need to focus on counting my change.

I honestly don't think men think about sex as much as they claim to, either. I think it's one of those "count the hits, ignore the misses" sorts of things, where they notice when they think about sex and don't notice when they don't. And, thinking about it makes you think more about it. Actively trying to not think about something makes you think about it more. When they think about other things, like normal functioning, they aren't thinking about sex. If they really thought about sex more than I do, they wouldn't be able to function in society.

ChironGhostHugger · 2025-04-09T13:56:31+00:00

Women often don’t think about sex as much as men do. Their sexual urges seem to be a lot less frequent. So for most of the month, many women live without strong sexual feelings, and sex isn’t really on their mind day-to-day.

That's a few select women, not all. Those women aren't gonna be sexual no matter the conditions and will be seen as "normal" (same as some low libido or asexual men), so they wouldn't really be the ones displaying any sexuality in any circumstance, even a liberated society.

That sexual side is clearly part of who she is, but it feels hidden most of the time. Why is that? Is it shame?

How else would it come out? There aren't really outlets for women to display sexuality easily and safely like men have (you don't see women encouraged to draw vulvas on property like men or vulva jokes like how men have), and even in cases where it is, it's easily handwaved away or sometimes even encouraged. Ex. I could plausibly expose myself to a guy at a park in a voyeuristic manner and he might be impressed or encouraged, while a man doing it to women would be called out and arrested.

People usually say “society.” But are women ashamed in front of men? Or are they more ashamed in front of other women? Since most women mainly interact with other women, if “society” is the source of that shame, could it actually be coming more from other women than from men?

If there is shame, it's because of religious reasons and both men and women shaming them. Men might prey on them, seeing them as promiscuous and undeserving of respect, women might see them as competitor or as violating the female social order, and shame them that way.

IcyTrapezium · 2025-04-09T07:43:59+00:00

The only time sex hasn’t been on my mind every day was when I was seriously ill. I also had no appetite for food. I have sexual urges all the time. So I don’t really know what you’re talking about here. I wasn’t raised in purity culture (though as an outside influence it was there) so I don’t suppress my sexuality. I was never told I shouldn’t have sex. Quite the opposite. My mother encouraged me to date for fun. “You don’t have to marry him.” That’s something she’d say. I think she wanted me to refine my taste. And I did.

Yes. It’s shame. Purity culture is a plague on this earth. But also if we express our sexuality in public we get a lot of unwanted attention. It can even be dangerous for women to be open about being a sexual being.

GridReXX · 2025-04-09T12:34:42+00:00

You answer your question in the first half of your OP.

For me it isnt shame. It’s that I don’t feel sexual until I’m being sexual. That’s it. I wasn’t “hiding my sexual nature” the parts of the day I wasnt fucking. I simply wasn’t fucking or feeling flirty or feeling sexual so therefore I wasn’t being sexual nor compelled to act sexual. That’s it. Not much deeper than that.

You or men showcase your sexuality more readily, shamelessly, and often questionably in public because that’s how compulsive your sexuality is and how heavily testosterone driven you are. Unless you’re actually faking it for the drama of it all or contriving it to prove some sense of masculinity to other men, then I would presume that’s it’s not deeper than it simply being your natural instinct? Same shit for women/me. I’m not faking or repressing anything. When the sexual urges come I express them. When they don’t I don’t. If I interact with a person who gets me hot and bothered and then they walk away, yes imma tell my friends who I’m with “girllll that mf is fine” or some shit.

ComplexAttitude4Lyfe · 2025-04-09T16:01:15+00:00

Possibly because if we are sexual, we are sluts. There's a lot of shaming content online.

Things like being told "She rode the cock carousel" or "she's been run through more often than the Chunnel" don't really encourage us to be sexual beings- then men get confused why we aren't. Look through Reddit at the number of posts about high body count. Lots of men profess to have huge problems with any previous partners- even if she's only had one (and they've had much more).

Blackpill/incel thought is we're all evil because we won't have sex with them (though they have high standards themselves, so take that with some salt.)

Redpill convinces men "It's not you, it's your turn." And there's a Redpill woman YouTubers who tells women they do NOT have a high libido, it's their method of controlling the man in their life and emasculating him. We do it to ourselves.

So when we don't come out and express absolute sexual frenzy, yes, there is a reason.

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2025-04-09T22:42:46+00:00

i was raised catholic and in a red state, absolutely yes i experienced shame, especially over the thought of masturbating.

highly recommend you google the sexual double standard, that’s the dynamic you’re getting at. girls are raised to feel pressure to not express sexuality at tf all and men are raised to feel pressure to be hypersexual. the result is that women are slut shamed and men are virgin shamed.

AutoModerator · 2025-04-09T07:00:56+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

False-Purple3882 · 2025-04-09T14:45:33+00:00

Yes? This is a dumb question.

Slow-Narwhal486 · 2025-04-09T15:08:12+00:00

I can't speak for all women, but I definitely do experience a lot of shame around it. I grew up in a very religious household, where religion was also very much tied to culture. It was much more socially acceptable and "normal" for men to be sexual beings, but I grew up thinking that my value as a young woman lied in being a virgin. I struggled a lot with thinking that female sexuality was shameful and wrong, so I definitely learned to suppress it. I grew up thinking that as a woman, you "give a part of yourself" to every man you fuck, so eventually it leaves you empty and worthless (unless you're married).

Their sexual urges seem to be a lot less frequent. So for most of the month, many women live without strong sexual feelings, and sex isn’t really on their mind day-to-day.

This definitely isn't true for all women. I'm sure some are like this, but many women I know are not actually like this. We just aren't open with strangers about our sexuality- which is just weird in general.

I do think that in the US (depending on where you are at least), there's still some puritanical remnants regarding female sexuality. I don't feel shamed by "society" as much- simply because it's nothing compared to what I grew up with. However, I think I'd feel more impacted by it if I didn't have such a dramatically shame-filled view of sex growing up. I'd say I also feel more shame around men- not women.

I doubt my experience is the norm, but I do know that a lot of women who grew up in very religious households struggle with this.

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-04-10T01:43:15+00:00

For me, it definitely stems from societal shame from men & women alike. For other women, it could be that being with you awoke something in them. They felt like they could express themselves sexually with you. I would only be able to do that if I felt I could trust my partner fully.

Title	Do women generally experience shame about sex and their sexuality?
Author	Emotional_Meal748
Upvotes	5
Comments	195
Date	April 9, 2025 7:00 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1juzoog/do_women_generally_experience_shame_about_sex_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-women-generally-experience-shame-about-sex-and.1549029 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549029

Comments