What’s the point of marriage and having kids with men?

EulenWatcher · 2025-07-02T17:18:27+00:00

I haven’t married “men” as a group of people, I married specifically my husband who I love and who I trust. I don’t want kids with “men”, I want kids specifically with my husband. I’m okay with taking the risks.

Does it answer your question?

Tylikcat · 2025-07-02T17:58:29+00:00

I'm really glad that I figured out that my ex would be a lousy parent in time not to have kids with him. I mildly regret not having kids, but even that is mostly complicated - I always wanted to have kids iff I could do so in a manner that still allowed me to have a life, at least longer term. (And even when they were small, I fully intended to hire help, and make sure I got some grown up time.)

Part of this is having an active, involved partner. Not necessarily a romantic partner? Hell, if I had it all to do over again, I'd at least consider raising kids together with my sister. But at least one, and possibly more, involved adults who were committed to raising kids and up for shouldering the work.

I've met a lot of men who make good dads. But I've met more men than women who are pretty unrealistic about the amount of work involved. (Those generally aren't the ones who make good dads, at least not without a come to jesus moment or two...)

Itsthethrowaway2 · 2025-07-02T20:42:10+00:00

That’s a lot of what ifs.. l was raised by a single mother who was also raised by a single mother. I have friends who are single mothers. Family who are single mothers. So maybe I’m just insane - or maybe I’m just fortunate enough to have good support system outside of my relationship but I’m not really scared to have kids. Childbirth on the other hand? Petrified.

Sophiatab · 2025-07-02T17:47:47+00:00

When a marriage is good, it is wonderful great thing. And having kids with a partner is much better than being a single parent. Unfortunately, good marriages aren't that common.

uglysaladisugly · 2025-07-02T17:10:28+00:00

If you want to have kids, you're gonna have to have them with males. Now yes, as a woman, if you're not ready to become the default parent, you're taking a lot of risks by having children.

SnooCats37 · 2025-07-02T17:11:44+00:00

You can’t live your life on a what if.

ThatBitchA · 2025-07-02T18:04:59+00:00

I didn't marry men.

I married a man.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-07-02T19:22:23+00:00

I'm not sure. I'm not even convinced that humans are a lifelong monogamous species- lifelong monogamy basically only exists in animals that live less than 20 years. Every single high intelligence, highly complex mammal species are communal raising species. Every other Great Ape are at least somewhat communal raising. Animals like us who have very complex brains and very long childhoods are supposed to be raised by mom, older sister, aunt, grandmother, with some help from dad, brother, and uncle.

I think that's why divorce is illegal in most of human history, or was heavily frowned upon, and why so many religions have so many laws controlling marriages and keeping them monogamous or polygynous, and why the divorce rate is like 50%. If humans were naturally lifelong monogamous, we wouldn't have to fight so hard to force people to practice lifelong monogamy.

(InB4 "B-but animals shit in the woods and eat their babies!", I'm not saying that "animals do it, so we should do it". I'm saying that all highly intelligent mammals whose babies need a lot of care do it, and are way more likely to do it than animals who are not highly intelligent or whose babies need less care, so it seems to correlate with higher intelligence and babies who need a lot of care).

UndeniablyGone · 2025-07-02T17:15:24+00:00

It's in pursuit of the species. People bone, have babies, do stupid shit, repeat. It's actually not that complicated when you think about it for more than a minute.

spanglesandbambi · 2025-07-02T18:39:26+00:00

Some of us like me want to stay home and as others have highlighted that they have married someone with an emotional age higher than a teenager.

CanaryHeart · 2025-07-02T18:51:46+00:00

I fell in love with a man and wanted children?

These are all legitimate concerns, but life is full of legitimate concerns. There are many potential situations that I don’t know exactly how I’d handle that would likely be very difficult.

attendquoi · 2025-07-02T17:17:15+00:00

Well I'm kid-free. My husband and I got married mostly for the party and legal benefits. The only negative is that our household income is automatically both our incomes combined, even though we keep our finances separate. But it helps to file your tax returns separately.

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ChironGhostHugger · 2025-07-02T20:11:08+00:00

I don't mind being a stay-at-home mom if it's for the kids's sake. I could work from home, and as for if he resents me... why? If it's because my body looks different then tough luck, it is what it is. If it's just that he hates it but still loves me, that's fine, an after pregnancy body's not for everyone.

Admittedly, if he wanted more from me during after childbirth like sex, I would try to meet him in the middle with that need. But also a lot of this would have been felt out before I had kids with him, hopefully.

But also, I think most of it would be worth it if you actually want the kids. If you don't want kids then it's going to seem worthless.

Morgoth_Worshipper · 2025-07-03T06:49:01+00:00

Yup, part of the reason why I never want children and why I don't want to get married.

Business-Stretch2208 · 2025-07-03T07:14:03+00:00

Men in general are pretty shit partners, but if you find an exception, I think marriage is a good option if it's desired. Being single is preferable to the average situation though. I wrote a whole essay about this in high school lol

PopeGenghisVI · 2025-07-05T11:30:54+00:00

There's no point. If you want a kid, go to a sperm bank. From my perspective, there is no point in having kids unless I plan to use them as weapons against my husband, and I would not be writing this here if I did not know that he agrees with me and knows this.

If you're honestly 100% sure that you will end up alright, you're an idiot. Brave women who, for some reason, want to have kids with their husband are idiots. Brave idiots that are admirable. They trust the MAJORITY OF NORMAL PEOPLE WHO WANT KIDS.

So, go to the childfree subreddits, you will find no sympathy here, what if, what if, no one cares, no one wants to convince a woman like that to have kids.

Get married, have a few kids, use them as hostages. I have absolutely no way of making sense of the life plan "married with kids" since I don't see how anyone's security, financial or physical, is improved by marriage IF THEY WANT KIDS.

Marriage is not for the male party's security.

Anyone can debate me on this matter. If she wants kids, she better get all the help from you she can.

I'm of the opinion that one request for an abortion would be enough.

Yes, the man should also be heard. If he wants her to get an abortion, she has to get an abortion. Yes, this sounds anti-female, but life is life. You have to fight for your rights if you don't trust men. You also have a right to change your mind about things, but once you have a child, that's no longer your property.

If you think you might hit a child, do not have kids. If you think you can't handle being nothing more than a mother for the next 30 years or so, do not have kids.

I'm a meninist in this matter, go take a look in the mirror and laugh for a while if this sounds cringy.

That, for example, would be the fate of a woman who can't get an abortion. In countries where abortion is legal, don't bitch about "having to take pills" or "why do I have to buy condoms" or "why do I have to take -" shut up. Your uterus, your responsibility. "Why do I have to -"

Stop. Keep abortion clinics and locations on your mind. If you both will be distressed by the idea, don't let that slip out of your mind. You should not give in to the thought of possibly being happier as an object and a wife to a tired person who has no time for you.

If you want to prevent being held hostage by a woman who wanted kids when you were unsure, don't get in her bed. Don't get married, guys. Unless you know her and the law.

And you're quite obviously lost if you even consider having kids, OP. Go talk to someone who likes kids. Dunno.

oppositegeneva · 2025-07-02T17:58:09+00:00

Aren’t women more likely to end up as stay-at-home once the kids are popped out? Is it worth losing employability if this happens?

Wow how terrible…I get to spend my days with my favorite people in the world instead of working in HR in some random office with coworkers I don’t like, not like I can do that when I’m 38 when my kids need me less

A lot of people don’t want children and they shouldn’t have them, but if you actually want them and are able to find a man who is loving, values who you are as a person and is devoted to you and the family you build together, it’s an amazing life to live.

hostility_kitty · 2025-07-02T20:48:23+00:00

My husband would rather do every chore in the goddamn house than see me burnt out and overwhelmed. He is so perfect ❤️❤️

Powerful_Monitor3659 · 2025-07-02T17:31:27+00:00

Having children is a wonderful experience? Your children are the closest people to you that bring you unmatched joy?

ExcitementLow4699 · 2025-07-03T12:46:23+00:00

Mum here. You should expect to be the default parent as a woman, because you carry the babies for 9-10 months at a time and feed them from your own body, and that has profound, fundamental, scientifically proven effects on your brain and capability as a parent. Women are quite simply more attuned to their children's needs, more invested in their safety and wellbeing, and more likely to need to take time off work by virtue of the nature of female reproductive processes. It is virtually all-consuming.

I literally cannot imagine being pregnant/having a newborn and working a job at the same time; I struggled even paying attention to my online college classes when I was gestating my daughter because I was so physically uncomfortable and nauseated/vomiting all the time. I am a reservist in the military, and I know my abilities as a small unit leader were compromised during my pregnancy. I was emotionally dysregulated from the hormones and not functioning well from sleeping poorly and again, generally being uncomfortable and nauseated. After I gave birth, the sleep deprivation got worse, my body was all fucked up, and I had to spend huge chunks of my time expressing milk in order to keep my supply from dipping.

The point of it all is.. Well, you get children. Many find that this is worth it. You do it with a man because they are programmed to work and to provide for their families. They can be trained to assist you well with the childcare when they are home (though you shouldn't have super high expectations for them because they are men, and again, it doesn't come naturally to them.) It is important that your marriage financially functions in a way that protects you against the financial losses reproduction incurs-- contributions to your retirement savings need to continue from household income, your husband should carry a life insurance policy, you should have your own savings account for emergencies, etc. Basically, protect yourself in case you lose that man or if he leaves, for any reason, because you will be the one who takes off time to be pregnant, give birth, recover from giving birth, take care of your newborns, pick them up from school or take them to appointments when needed, take off work to take care of the family when they're sick (even when you're sick yourself), etc. Do not expect anything different because you will be disappointed.

I will say that pregnancy does make your hips a little wider, and usually makes your feet bigger, and after breastfeeding, your boobs will deflate and sag. Stretch marks are likely, especially if you have big babies and a lot of weight gain. HOWEVER, most men are not so turned off by these things that they will not still want sex with you after you have your kids, and it's easy enough to lose the baby weight if you actually try, especially if you breastfeed. I gained 45lbs with my pregnancy and was back to pre-baby weight 2 months postpartum, because my greedy little 10lb newborn was sucking so many calories from my body constantly. My belly skin is hella saggy and pocked with stretch marks, and I had to do a lot of physical therapy to get my abs to come back together (diastasis recti), and my boobs look like popped balloons, but honestly I feel better about my body than I ever did pre-pregnancy. It did a super cool thing and made a beautiful little girl, and my husband still thinks I'm hot. That's all that matters.

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2025-07-05T20:15:24+00:00

As an unmarried but dating woman, the only benefit I can see for women is to marry a rich man because you want children. I personally don't see that most men are emotionally capable of being good partners to women. I think most men would be happier with other men, but they're physically attracted to women, so they're trying to get into relationships with women they don't really like. The women who get married for love and have children and don't end up miserable or divorced are far and few. Most of my married friends are divorced or separated. The happiest I've ever been was when I was single and the loneliest I've ever been was in a relationship. I don't think marriage nor children benefit women much these days.

flipsidetroll · 2025-07-02T17:52:37+00:00

Do you really think that just because something is challenging or could go wrong, you should never do it? Nobody gets together with a man, thinking that they will abandon you, or get sick, or have an affair, or resent you. No, you can only go into the relationship with as much information as you can and hope they are decent humans.

The cult of the redpill has made you so fearful of “what ifs,” that you can’t even imagine trying anything with women without thinking the worst will happen. What a sad way to live. And I guess that’s what the redpill agenda is. Weird how you trust an ideology from people who only want your money and you can’t trust women in real life.

S0yslut · 2025-07-03T01:39:30+00:00

What’s the point of marriage and having kids with men?

Personal fulfillment. Most people find meaning, purpose and joy in raising children and building a home together…

Aren’t women more likely to end up as stay-at-home?

Yeah that is a choice that women usually make..

Is it worth losing employability if this happens?

Your mind is what’s lost to feminist propaganda.

What if he resents you?

What?? You’re catastrophizing relationships.

What if he starts hating your body after childbirth or expects sex when you’re going through all these changes and it creates some sore spot in the marriage?

You have a cynical and catastrophizing view of relationships. What if a rock falls and crushes me am I just supposed to live my life in fear never experiencing the joys of life?

2025-07-02T17:21:35+00:00

I think I would much rather have a child with a man who's already a (good) parent for these exact reasons.

Title	What’s the point of marriage and having kids with men?
Author	usnark-isnark
Upvotes	16
Comments	202
Date	July 2, 2025 5:04 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lq1b6h/whats_the_point_of_marriage_and_having_kids_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/whats-the-point-of-marriage-and-having-kids-with.1556188 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556188

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