Going dutch on dates is a good strategy.

leosandlattes · 2026-05-02T04:41:00+00:00

This does not work on women who do not sleep around outside of relationships, and also does not work on women who prefer courtship before sex.

There is no universal “good” strategy. There are only strategies that filter out what you don’t want and vet for what you do want.

I always offer to split and have split like 50% of the time. Whether he actually pays or not is irrelevant. What I am looking for, however, is that he offers to pay — this lets me know we are culturally compatible and he views the date as courtship.

Alone275 · 2026-05-02T08:51:33+00:00

i never paid for a woman and i have had lots of girlfriends. i believe in 50/50 and if they don’t then we don’t date

MarioWilson122 · 2026-05-02T05:45:52+00:00

The core idea about attraction is right, but the way it’s being said is too extreme and kind of misses the middle.

Attraction does drive behavior. If a woman genuinely wants you, the dinner itself is not what makes or breaks it. Paying is not some magic switch that creates desire. At the same time, saying money never matters at all is also off. It can signal lifestyle, effort, or intent, but it should not be the thing carrying the interaction.

The gym and self-investment point is solid. Improving your body, your life, and your confidence compounds way more than throwing money at dates where there is no interest. That part is just practical.

Where it goes off is acting like every situation is either “she wants you no matter what” or “she was never into you at all.” There is a middle ground. Some women are interested but still assessing you. Some care about gestures. Some care about consistency. Not everything is black and white.

The “don’t pay at all” takeaway is also too rigid. The better point is not to use money as a crutch. If she’s not into you, spending won’t fix it. If she is into you, you don’t need to over-invest to prove yourself.

The real takeaway is simple. Attraction comes first. Build yourself up so you’re actually desired, not just tolerated. Spend on yourself first. Then when you do spend on dates, it’s a choice, not a strategy to win someone over.

Motosport_Titan · 2026-05-02T04:39:39+00:00

As someone who used to pay on dates when he used to go on dates, we don’t do it so she would fuck us afterwards.

Zabadoodude · 2026-05-02T08:35:24+00:00

A lot of women get the "ick" from men asking to split the bill. Usually just going to a cheaper place is better than getting her to pay.

If you're so broke it's a choice of canceling your $30 a month budget gym membership or buying girls 5 drinks at a dive bar, then yes, the gym will probably get better results, but you should really be looking at how to earn more money at that point anyway.

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-05-02T12:20:19+00:00

I always offered to go Dutch, I think it should just be the default in this day and age. But this isn’t as black and white as you’re making it. Every woman has her own ideas about this topic and every woman is watching your behavior, whether she’s attracted to you or not. Because women are likewise trying to determine if you are attracted to them/actually like them and what type of guy you are. That’s the irony of dating — most people are more concerned about whether the other person really is into them than they are focused on the other person.

Not all women will ever be okay with going Dutch, and that’s okay because those women aren’t compatible with you. Some women will insist on splitting the bill when they are NOT into a guy to avoid any sense of obligation.

So, no, there’s no reason to pay if you don’t want to. That will just build your own resentment and won’t make her want to fuck you if she doesn’t want to. However, her feelings about it don’t necessarily say anything about whether or not she’s attracted to you. Everyone has their own attitudes and motivations.

Waschaos · 2026-05-02T04:53:56+00:00

I agree. I never wanted to feel like I owed anything.

WanabeInflatable · 2026-05-02T04:57:29+00:00

It is not to save money. Date costs are not to huge.

But it filters out women with parasitic entitled mentality. Probably she liked you. But the moment you say, you split the bill, she is repulsed.

Fragrant-Half-7854 · 2026-05-02T05:32:30+00:00

I doubt that strategy is going to get you very far. A man being cheap is a significant ick for most women and you haven’t even had the chance to woo her with your charms. Even if you don’t tell her she’s paying until the end of the meal & everything went well up to that point, being cheap is like taking a firehouse to any flames that may have sparked. Very few women are attracted to cheap men.

Altruistic_Look_7868 · 2026-05-02T08:16:04+00:00

I don't understand men's insistence on making their own dating life harder, considering how much they complain about it as is.

ArtisticLime9769 · 2026-05-02T11:55:20+00:00

I dunno why RP so greedy, if feels like most RP dudes are hobomaxxing.
If you think you will get laid just because you payed a few drinks and pasta - you damn wrong.

if you have a lot of money, you can get a sugar baby who will be leagues hotter than any woman who you can date from paying for her pasta.

If you are typing this post here, you are leagues below people who can be sugar daddies. To spend a few grands just because, it's okay behavior for them.

As someone who payed before, most of the time my dates were against it and tried to go for 50/50.

I payed just because i could, why not?

ThatBitchA · 2026-05-02T05:32:43+00:00

Nah. Even my casual hookups paid for food if the time called for it. 🤷

$1 piece slice and a $5 beer or a $5 potato tacos. It's not that big of a deal.

Plan a cheap date. Ice cream and a walk around a park. Make it fancy by indulging at the ice cream parlor. Get sprinkles or gummy bears, whatever!

If going Dutch is your style, that's cool. I can respect your choices. That's what's great about choices.

MissMenace101 · 2026-05-02T05:11:10+00:00

If a guy doesn’t pay or go halves on a first date he organised he’s not getting a second. When it comes to paying for a date if he pays straight up with no bitching it’s a green flag, not because a woman wants a free meal, but because he’s not a child about buying a meal. I dated a guy that paid for the first outing, a cheap coffee, I grabbed the next one, a ridiculously expensive restaurant. Most people don’t make a big deal about who pays, it’s a red pill internet thing that people that don’t date get angry about. If I don’t like a date I will take the bill so he doesn’t feel entitled to anything after. A lot of girls pay their own way because entitlement to sex over a sandwich is not surprisingly uncommon.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-05-02T05:20:00+00:00

You are free to use any strategy, so if you think it's good for some reason - sure, go for it. What I don't like is that men are "desperate" and any time I suggest any boundary that they supposedly want, they cry about "men have to cast wide net, we can't vet". Cool. This is vetting, this make your "net" pretty narrow. Go for it if you want, but somehow I don't think many men want this consequence

Charming_Parking_302 · 2026-05-02T04:37:09+00:00

I disagree. I am a traditional woman who believes men are providers. If could find a man attractive but if he doesn't pay on the first date, he's not the man for me. A lot dating struggles are because people date people who don't share their values. If you want to go dutch, date women who also feel the same way. But don't ask for a traditional, feminine woman, and the complain when she won't go dutch.

balhaegu · 2026-05-02T08:25:33+00:00

Dutch is cringe. Getting the girl to pay is the best strategy.

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torytho · 2026-05-02T04:43:35+00:00

I agree. Also, if a woman gets the ick from you not paying, she may have harsh, unfair expectations of a male partner, so good riddance. But also, if you want to pay to be nice, that’s a sweet gesture.

Tirian_the_last_king · 2026-05-02T04:44:38+00:00

Lol actually very well said!

procrast1natrix · 2026-05-02T05:03:03+00:00

I would mostly agree except that my panties dropped half because he was previously deeply into a long term commitment with a political cause I was into.

The dates were simple, picnics and biking, cooking at home to watch shows. He pulled a futon mat up a ladder to a roof to watch the stars, that was both creative and masculine-strong.

But we did lots of Dutch the first six months. And I agree it's a good idea.

p_fulga · 2026-05-02T05:12:09+00:00

Eh. Depends on what you're looking for and what you want. If you want a more traditional gal, they're gonna expect more traditional things like that in return. If you want just something casual or even just a long term thing sure usually the first couple dates being split evenly is very fair.

ChuckXZ_ · 2026-05-02T16:06:55+00:00

My strategy is to pay by default but if she insists on splitting I won’t stop. Usually an offer to split is a good sign there’s high attraction from her. It can be used as a test. I personally don’t want to see a woman again if she doesn’t offer to split.

Prior-Impression-871 · 2026-05-02T06:32:04+00:00

I want you to know that when a man makes a fuss over covering one date, a woman sees herself

8,5 months pregnant on the bus on the way to work. Covering any pregnancy cost related to her comfort because "it's only for her anyway". Then postpartum paying out of her savings for the bills cause her boss eliminated her position after maternity leave. Cause you know her 50/50 share needs to be covered

Stingy men never, ever decide to stop being stingy

Demasii · 2026-05-02T05:27:33+00:00

It's a good strategy if you know the person relatively well. As in their preferred social environment and financial situation.

But if you are trying to lead by choosing the activity or restaurant, you can possibly end up causing her to pay for something that she either don't naturally enjoy or can't afford.

That dynamic can shift the tone of the interaction and backfire. She may feel the need to negotiate the plan. So instead of one “yes” to the date, it requires multiple "yes"s about varies elements and increases the chance of her reconsidering the date all together.

It really depend on how much control you prefer on a date and what kind of women you ask out.

szunday · 2026-05-02T07:12:41+00:00

Men : complain about not getting any girls Also Men : complain when they’re asked to do the bare minimum 🙄🙄

love_in_october · 2026-05-02T07:48:51+00:00

While it's right that buying a bit of food shouldn't be seenassn exchange for sex, women just don't categorise men this way. There are simply different types of women - some have casual sex and will do it after evena first date, some don't, and some you will no longer have any chance with if you don't do much as offer to pay, regardless of how hot you think you are.

Wish808 · 2026-05-02T13:38:24+00:00

Okay except I can easily be very attracted to a man and still move on with my life without needing to move forward with him.

I like men who take care of me because I tend to dote on partners.

If a woman gets the "ick" from you for not paying, then she is not attracted to you

Almost. A 50/50 guy gives me the ick and kills attraction immediately. A man's behavior will nullify his physical attractiveness for me.

If we are going dutch, it's because we are platonic and there is no chance of it converting into a romantic thing.

If that results in me having a smaller dating pool, that's completely fine by me. It's a feature, not a bug.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-05-02T15:30:26+00:00

Cool so then why create a dating profile to begin with? If a woman is attracted to you, she will seek you out. She will go where guys like you exist outside of home and open you, game you, ask you out, hell, if she's attracted to you, she'd fuck you in the bathroom or in the woods behind the building you're in right? I've seen it done. And I'd also definitely agree with the part of your thesis that the reasoning is "she's attracted to you"

But life isn't that simple (unless you're gay apparently).

The vast majority of the time, the girl DOESN'T KNOW if she's attracted to you or not until she gets to know you. This typically requires you taking her out on a date. No, it definitely doesn't have to be a fancy place or a big meal (hole-in-the wall sushi bar with an indie vibe is my go-to). but most girls are going to expect you to pay. Why? because most guys are fine with paying (at least if you're over 25 and making your own money). Could you still get the lay if you propose going dutch? Sure. but you run the risk of it creating friction between the two of you, which will affect her decision making process about your value. Why sweat it? Go level yourself up to where you can afford to take girls on dates. Take the girls places that YOU like, that are cool, unique, and don't break the bank. She's not impressed with your money anyway. When the fucking check comes, have your card ready and hand it to the misogynistic waitstaff that placed it in front of you anyways without missing a beat, because you're in deep conversation about something interesting, or some juicy gossip/people watching, whatever. It's a non-fucking issue.

Then take her home to meet your dog/see your goldfish/play with pokemon cards.

WearyOutlandishness · 2026-05-02T16:11:00+00:00

No I will not do that regardless lol. If ur a douchebag then it doesn’t matter how visually “attractive” you are. And if u don’t pay I take it as a signal that you 1) are not interested in me or think I’m below you (same thing) and/or 2) you’re full of yourself and not a gentleman

Title	Going dutch on dates is a good strategy.
Author	ribbedlamp
Upvotes	5
Comments	156
Date	May 2, 2026 4:09 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1t1fewx/going_dutch_on_dates_is_a_good_strategy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/going-dutch-on-dates-is-a-good-strategy.1579396 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579396

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