Reconciliation

Big_Action2476 · 2026-05-21T11:31:11+00:00

Other folks have had short comments about this.

This is nuanced as all things divorce related. I am no pro, take what I have with a grain of salt.

What do you want out of this?

If you want to tell her your truth in hopes of getting back together, ask yourself if it is worth going through the same thing again.

People can change, but holding onto something that won’t work out is a fools errand. I am not gonna say it is as easy as “cut your loss and move on champ” but it doesn’t help to hold on if they have moved on

kp68347 · 2026-05-19T10:10:24+00:00

Sign the papers and move on with your life

bk2747 · 2026-05-19T00:53:37+00:00

Don’t be stupid.

DarDarRules · 2026-05-18T23:38:33+00:00

They’re just papers. Reconciling after that is possible as well.

Ask for more time, tell her how you feel. But be prepared to face rejection and be ok with it.

In the end, be good with yourself. This relationship does not define you.

narkj · 2026-05-18T22:14:25+00:00

She’s not coming over to reconcile. If you’ve charged for for the better, good for you. Keep going. But forget her. She doesn’t care.

Key_Display_4189 · 2026-05-18T21:48:39+00:00

I know a couple in Toronto where the wife filed for divorce.... They ended up reconciling as a couple and are committed to each other now but they are still going through the divorce they're going to live as living apart together

Fantastic-Sport-3054 · 2026-05-18T20:41:16+00:00

You could tell her but be prepared that she probably has lost all her feelings for you. The work you have done on yourself should have been done before the divorce. You are supposed to do it for her not like now when you do it for yourself because you are doing whatever you can to try to avoid losing her.

Few-Mountain · 2026-05-18T20:29:27+00:00

Thought about it, but no. Would have been the worst decision ever

probebeta · 2026-05-18T19:30:53+00:00

Please dont

dempsey1288 · 2026-05-18T18:50:47+00:00

Yes. We reconciled after a roughly one year separation. Moved to a new town. Had another baby. And now we’re getting divorced.

whoopyboy69 · 2026-05-18T17:37:56+00:00

Your shit has been over for over a year bro. There’s nothing left to try or cling to. Asking her again just makes you look like a pussy

mgray1425 · 2026-05-18T15:28:40+00:00

I think you need to be realistic about imagining what a reconciliation would look like. It sounds to me like at best, you would be getting a second chance and then you'd be on something like permanent probation. I don't think it would be anything close to her saying "you are the one for me" and that's what you really need to shoot for.

Are you clinging to an idea of what you wanted her to be and still not ready to give up? It is painful. I've been through it myself. You have to take a good look at what you are doing and make the decision based on hard truth and not what you want it to be.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-05-18T14:12:45+00:00

No man. Move on and let her go.

engineered-chemistry · 2026-05-18T12:46:35+00:00

I tried that. Set me back several months spiraling. When a woman puts the papers together she’s done.

Significant_Koala_61 · 2026-05-18T12:13:16+00:00

Let her go man, keep working on you and you will become something better

capnjackstation · 2026-05-18T12:11:34+00:00

I say this from experience. When she says “no” you’re going to go back to day zero. It’s been 2 years and she’s bringing the papers to sign. In her mind she is done and the papers and stuff is a formality to finalize it. I say this not to be a jerk but to save you regressing my man. She has to be the one to propose reconciliation for you to even consider it. I also say this from experience there are plenty of women out there. Many better than her. Nostalgia isn’t your friend.

Affectionate_Feed503 · 2026-05-18T06:26:45+00:00

Been there, done that. Even if a part of her still wants it, there’ll be a dozen people around her convincing her to never give it another chance…people who know nothing about your relationship, your bond, or the battles you both fought behind closed doors.

Still, I’d say tell her how you feel. Tell her how much you’ve worked on yourself and how badly you wanted to make things right. Just be prepared for the possibility that she may be completely indifferent to your pain, your growth, and every ounce of effort you put into becoming better after being broken by it all.

HotCut100 · 2026-05-18T03:58:36+00:00

Let’s just say for discussion sake she’s open to it. You realize that you’re putting yourself into a groveling type position to try and get back with her. Even in the short term, if she has her heart strings tugged on, she’s not gonna respect you long-term. If she did, we wouldn’t be talking about two years of separation and getting her final load of stuff. It’s over. Sign those papers and start your new life without thinking about her. Time and tides, man.

Highlander0001 · 2026-05-18T02:53:56+00:00

Nothing wrong with taking a chance. As long as you can accept either way it goes.

FUMoney · 2026-05-18T01:30:50+00:00

I feel as if this is my last chance

Dude. Marriage is OVER.

Terrible-Mind2633 · 2026-05-18T00:31:42+00:00

2 years and she’s coming over with divorce papers. Just be friendly with her at this point don’t pour your heart out or anything. A grown man chasing after a grown woman within the circumstances you mentioned is pathetic and she could just monkey branch at that point leaving you exhausted. I wouldn’t give her anything shes not giving you, basically mirror her behavior if she goes the route of reconciliation and if thats what you really want. But also you can’t just drag this on for two more years.

Reflog1791 · 2026-05-17T22:44:45+00:00

Only thing that matters is what’s in those divorce papers she’s coming over for you to sign. You’re gonna get screwed if the work you’ve done hasn’t included divorce prep.

Runningchoc · 2026-05-17T22:43:20+00:00

Dude she’s coming with papers. That ship has sailed man.

Alexandros23 · 2026-05-17T22:39:41+00:00

Dude she’s got to ask you for it at this point.

Responsible_Mind_206 · 2026-05-17T22:30:49+00:00

Two years of separation is two years of being on the open market. Are you also willing to reconcile, within yourself, all the men she likely slept with?

KingJon85 · 2026-05-17T22:12:41+00:00

I gave my ex her last shot about 3 months in. Now, hell will freeze over before I take her back.

Im going to be brutally honest with you to save some dignity for yourself. She doesn't want you or she would have tried to come back.

Get out there and have some fun. Meet new women, get some ass, and forget about her.

The only thing standing in your way of moving on is your own mind.

I say this with love, man - move on.

If you really want to shoot your shot, go ahead. Even if by some chance it did work out for a little bit, you'll likely end up back here in a year or two. You guys broke up for a reason.

Find someone who chooses you. There's billions of other women. There's so many women out there who will love you for who you are.

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-17T22:05:36+00:00

If you've done the work for yourself, thats great! Keep it up!

If you did the work with hopes of reconciling then you did it for the wrong reason and a second chance will fail.

Don't say anything to her, what's done is done. If it is meant to be, she will be the one to come to you.

UrAristotle · 2026-05-17T21:43:18+00:00

Man, I wish it worked that way.

You’ve been separated for 2 years. She knew where you (and her stuff) were. Quit holding out hope for some fairy tale happy ending and start planning what your new future is going to be.

ProofConnect6521 · 2026-05-17T21:40:58+00:00

She is not the same person you thought she was. She was never that person. Someone who gave any kind of fk about you wouldn’t be bringing you divorce papers to sign…

Haunting_Mango_408 · 2026-05-17T21:35:57+00:00

I’m gonna disagree with all the posts I have read thus far! Don’t hold back, speak to her and explain the work you’ve done on yourself and how you still feel about her. I don’t know your history, but just the fact that you’ve worked on yourself is the best predictor of success. Whether just for yourself, a future relationship with someone else, or maybe her…but taking accountability and speaking with honesty is never a losing formula in my opinion. What’s the worst she could tell you? NO?!? Well, at least you’d know for sure and you can rebuild. At least you wouldn’t spend the next few years wondering “what if?”.

If you can imagine yourself on your death bed and think about the things you regret, wouldn’t that be one of them? Not to have spoken up when you had the opportunity?
Maybe she will shut you down, but at least you did your part! You worked on yourself, you gave her space, and then you came back with honesty and offered to work on reconciling. You couldn’t possibly regret doing that regardless of the outcome, because it’s HONEST and respectful of your journey and her’s.

Ego and pride are great alarm systems, but they don’t have the ability to distinguish the more subtle nuances of the human experience! Hear them out when they warn you, but don’t let them factor in when it comes down to analyzing her and your feelings, or the many levels of communication you’ve probably both fumbled along the way! Be open and humble when you speak to her, listen more than you talk, until it’s your turn to share your truth, because the worst she can say is no. If she says no, then you are in the same situation, except this time you know you have to grieve for good and while it hurts, it’s the only way you will be able to move forward in a healthy way!
And if she says yes…then you’ll have a lot more work to do with great patience for both of you, and either way, the outcome is that you were true to yourself and to what you have shared with her!

Best of luck, and congrats on becoming your best self either way!

akihonj · 2026-05-17T21:32:09+00:00

There reliant enough context here

Who fucked up

Who filed for divorce

Why did they file

If she blindsided you, love you but not in love with you, needed space to find herself or any of that garbage

Then you haven't done the work you've soothed yourself with false hope when you should have been holding the door open for her to leave and making sure that she knew no matter what, the apocalypse could happen and you wouldn't entertain sharing food with her, letting her into your bunker or even going out of your way to have another conversation with her. In other words she leaves and she never ever speaks to you again, she falls down the stairs she stays there until somebody else finds her. Her new guy puts her in the hospital she suffers alone because you will not even acknowledge she exists.

You're hoping to have back the same situation that caused the breakup in the first place, why.

soontobesolo · 2026-05-17T21:30:04+00:00

Don't do it. Save that improvement you've done for the gal(s) you'll meet. You'll see. You have an amazing future ahead.

Slavicgoddess23 · 2026-05-17T21:19:27+00:00

It's your last shot. Why not. Give her up to a week after to process it. Then move on.

InvertedPickleTaco · 2026-05-17T21:17:19+00:00

I agree with the others to move on. If she actually wanted what you do, she wouldn't be coming over just to pick up her stuff.

FWIW, since most won't say this, if you have a chance with her again it'll happen when you're both ready and you don't feel you have to be with her. From the way you wrote this, and I've been there sadly, she wants to keep you as an option and friend but doesn't want what you do. Reconciliation can happen years after a divorce but talking odds is just kidding yourself into believing a chance means it'll happen for you. I'd give anything to have a shot with my ex most days, if I'm honest with myself, but I also know to her I'm not even an option anymore. I'm worth more than how someone else defines me.

UnknownUsername113 · 2026-05-17T21:14:01+00:00

Dude… no. It’s been two years. Its done.

Begging her to reconcile will just make you look weak and pathetic… just another thing to turn her off.

Move on with your life, take the work you’ve done on yourself and find someone who will appreciate you.

slimypeters · 2026-05-17T21:11:37+00:00

Don’t look back anymore

LaCathedrale · 2026-05-17T21:04:28+00:00

I asked my ex if she was sure. If this really would make her happy. If she had no more love for me or hope for the relationship. Her “no” was equal parts pain and resolution.

I would never not try, but we both know how this is going to go, old bean.

bizbunch · 2026-05-17T21:03:54+00:00

I would say 99.99999% chance it doesnt go well and she has already moved on. She will lose respect for you ans rightly know she still has you on lock.

The fact that you continue to pine for her after 2 years says a lot. Has she made a single move or invited you out on a date etc?

If she does have another person...this will make things tense.

I would just strongly advise against saying anything to her this late in the game.

Im sorry man. Maybe you can reconnect someday but holding out hope and looking to make a move when its literally her final act to end the marriage doesnt make sense. I would recommend you swallow this one and focus on whats next.

TheSteveSteward · 2026-05-17T21:00:49+00:00

That’s really tough, man. I can’t imagine it working but if you’re going to regret staying silent, shoot your shot.

Owww_My_Ovaries · 2026-05-17T20:57:40+00:00

And when she likely says "no"

How are you going to feel after putting yourself out there like that?

Honestly. When our papers are ready to be signed. Im going to be real

"I still have love for you and always will. I wish things could have turned out different but going forward there is no need for us to ever see each other."

Title	Reconciliation
Author	Complex_Path_4821
Upvotes	17
Comments	69
Date	May 17, 2026 8:51 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1tg1gqa/reconciliation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/reconciliation.1580609 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580609

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