What is so bad about directly asking for sex?

OkKiwi3544 · 2026-06-10T20:38:26+00:00

I’m genuinely curious, and I don’t mean this in an offensive way. Are you autistic or do you struggle with social cues?

Having sex is generally a very intimate and private thing. You are both nude, exchanging bodily fluids, and it typically involves a lot of deep emotions. That’s not something that you casually ask a stranger (or coworker or friend) for and expect a neutral yes or no reaction. Similar to the same way you wouldn’t just randomly ask someone to massage your bare feet or help you pop a pimple on your back or something. I mean you CAN ask someone for that, but expect a look of confusion and probably disgust for asking something so out of pocket from somebody you don’t have that level of relationship with.

cb8585b · 2026-06-10T21:34:00+00:00

What is so bad about asking a stranger on the bus to scratch your back? Why don’t you ask a stranger to wax your asshole? Why don’t you ask a stranger to do your meal prep? Scrub your toilet? Ask your coworker to exchange nudes during lunch?

Learn life omg.

GridReXX · 2026-06-10T23:03:02+00:00

I know it’s said a 1000x but males and females are different.

For androgenic-driven reasons, more males than females frequently experience compulsive lust and thus are magnitudes more willing to engage in casual sex, risky sex, NSA sex, anonymous sex, sex with non-humans (😔), sex with minors (😔), sex with the dead (😔), and sex without consent (😔).

“You want some fucks?” as an opening approach is way more likely to go over smoothly with other males than most females.

This is why MSM hook-up apps like Grindr, JACK’D, and SCRUFF exist yet there’s no real hetero or lesbian equivalent 🤷‍♀️

Edit: Fron a different angle, this person’s reply is a great example of how it’s not just women, but men also don’t like abrasive, entitled, and uncouth interactions from tacky audacious women who want something from him that he doesn’t desire to give her.

AchingAmy · 2026-06-10T20:40:25+00:00

You mentioning that she might report him to "whoever runs the place they're in" suggests to me the context might be a coworker, colleague, or fellow classmate and she feels it was inappropriate. I mean, yeah, those are inappropriate places to do that.. It's sexual harassment. In those environments, she has to repeatedly interact with you and it can create a hostile environment. If you're asking at a bar, nightclub or another place where hooking up is often expected, that's fine

Agreeable-Worker-249 · 2026-06-10T21:09:18+00:00

Peak autism. Even dogs sniff and wag tails before humping.

IcyTrapezium · 2026-06-11T02:43:35+00:00

Hello fellow neurodivergent person. In high school I asked a boy for meaningless sex. I actually used that phrase. I was told all boys wanted meaningless sex with basically any decent looking girl.

He was scared of me and avoided me.

It’s against normal social norms. It creeps people out. I WISH men were like how they pretend to be. But men are actually complex emotional beings who often require romance. Unless they are ugly but why would I want to fuck an ugly guy? I have a vibrator and can watch porn of hot guys.

AnimalLoose2402 · 2026-06-10T21:59:12+00:00

If you have to ask this question your parents have failed you. Go ask this same question to your mom and see what she says.

chamomilecloud · 2026-06-10T20:41:45+00:00

Because it is not appropriate in most contexts and shows me that he has zero tact or social competence, which is a deeply unattractive trait to me. Additionally this does nothing for me sexually in terms of making me horny or lowering my inhibitions to have sex. If anything it would make me dry and be more on my guard.

"Hello, person I do not know, please open yourself to do something extremely vulnerable in a way that could very well put you at harm, even though we don't know each other!"

Is he retarded? That's what that sounds like.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2026-06-10T21:26:59+00:00

“Hello stranger man, would you like to pay for my next nail appointment so my nails look pretty for you?”

“Um, why would I do that? No thanks.”

“Alright no problem!”

If this is weird to you, then asking for sex in this way is a hundred times weirder.

Kaleidoscopetide · 2026-06-10T23:00:19+00:00

Sex is taboo. You don't just bring it up to strangers, just like you don't say "hey, are constipated?" or "my dad just died. Is yours alive?" because it is a subject to which many people have very emotional and visceral responses to. What's wrong with bringing up "is your dad alive or dead?" is that most of the time, most people don't want to talk about if their dads are dead, nor do they want to talk about their bowel movements, nor do they want to talk about how they don't want to have sex with you.

KoninginVanRotterdam · 2026-06-10T20:39:03+00:00

Ridiculous question.

And if that was normal every woman would get 10,20,30 men a day asking that.

The bus driver, her coworkers, the dentist, every guy she passes in the street, her neighbour, her boss, all her male friends, the cashier, the repair man etc

NO THANK YOU.

If you really think there is nothing wrong with that your brain must be really smooth.

Chicken_Nugget_2 · 2026-06-11T00:17:25+00:00

Because a lot of women don't want to have sex with a guy they just met before they have the chance to determine if he's safe and trustworthy. But as an autistic person I understand the struggle of not understanding social norms, but this would be an example of one that has legitimate and practical reasoning.

Barneysparky · 2026-06-10T20:43:14+00:00

You go right ahead and ask any women who tweeks you to have sex with you.

If thats all you do is say "would you like to have sex with me?". Then walk.away when they have said no youve done nothing legally wrong.

Now if you are asking if you can say that without being laughed at, or people taking great offense? Of course not. Its weird as all fuck and people will respond.

You are much more likely to be beaten by a overly protective boyfriend, or just mocked then arrested in this senerio.

Regardless. Its not going to work, but you be you.

bondepart · 2026-06-10T20:57:22+00:00

If you’re at a sex club? Sure thing go for it.

Anywhere else? Hell no.

ThatBitchA · 2026-06-10T21:40:37+00:00

It's fucking weird and rude.

I don't want someone to come up to me and tell me they want to have sex with me. That's such a turn off and disgusting.

y2kjanelle · 2026-06-10T20:45:32+00:00

No if ur a struggling male stop doing socially weird inappropriate autistic things like this and then complaining people report you and don’t want to be around you.

99% of men struggling men are just weird and don’t want to behave socially normal. The direct and accurate response to that is negative social responses.

Stop doing stupid shit like this or even thinking in your head to ask dumb shit like this. Behave socially normal or admit to the world you actually like being sexless and struggling

KayRay1994 · 2026-06-11T01:05:27+00:00

Because sex is a vulnerable experience for many people and most would like to at least warm up to it, whether it takes hours or days or weeks or months or whatever. Asking it directly right away very much comes off as peering into someone’s personal life without their consent

Idc if this happens in some gay male circles, it was still uncomfortable to me before I transitioned, even

Sonia314 · 2026-06-11T02:07:45+00:00

I think a more effective version would involve more game, but the women saying there is something morally wrong with the guy for doing that are just being assholes. Women in my community don’t, and both women and men are better off for it.

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-06-10T20:36:56+00:00

A lot of the times it’s not done this way though. A lot of the times there’s significant pressuring or insults after a no. This would be fine but most people are not directly asking for sex in this manner.

FineDevelopment00 · 2026-06-10T20:53:40+00:00

That's wifey stuff, not mere date stuff. 💅 No real commitment? No sex. It's about morals and respect. Yes I know I'm of the minority opinion in here but I wholeheartedly stand by it.

love_in_october · 2026-06-10T21:16:28+00:00

Well, for a start, how does she know he'll be perfectly fine with it and never bring it up again? (This implies he's someone he regularly interacts with yet seemingly doesn't care about ruining their relationship.) That's not usually what happens.

It's just gross and offensive. Would you like your friends, coworkers or whatever offering you random hookups (or, if you're the type to say you're always down for a hookup offer whatever age whatever gender, insert something you don't want, like asking you to clean their toilet) you don't want even if they're fine when you say obviously you don't want that? Wouldn't you prefer they had an inkling you were into that kind of thing first? Maybe even that they picked someone who didn't have a preexisting relationship to them that would make all future interactions awkward whether you accepted or not?

Prior-Impression-871 · 2026-06-10T20:34:51+00:00

Imagine a big burly gay guy (taller and wider and could overpower you anytime) is attracted to you. He would like to put his penis into your asshole. So he asks you "Hey I think you're hot. Would you like to have sex some time." You're not interested so you say "no thanks". And he replies "Alright no problem!"

You can try and convince me all you want that most men wouldn't mind - but we both know buddy

MinutesTilMidnight · 2026-06-10T20:40:47+00:00

There’s no issue with that scenario, not really. The issue is all the context surrounding the scenario. We live in a world where a majority of women have been assaulted by a minority of men. Most women will have at least one story about a guy who did not react well upon a polite rejection. Women are stalked, harassed, assaulted, or even killed, for rejecting advances. Women are aware of this; we are told from a young age about the various dangers men pose to us. So while the man in the scenario didn’t really do anything wrong (beyond it being a rude and deeply personal question), it’s entirely likely that woman felt anxiety or fear upon being asked like that. Casual, ONS-type sex is inherently dangerous for women. Sex is vulnerability.

baller696969balls · 2026-06-10T22:28:43+00:00

Well, who the fuck is this guy? Is he my coworker, a friend, a stranger? Have I never insinuated anything with him? Is he someone that I don’t think about naked? Even if I’ve rejected this offer, he’s still revealed to me that he’s thought about me naked or wants to see me naked. I don’t want to have connections with people who tell me that they think about me in that way, because I will just avoid them and think of them in a negative light. It’s uncomfortable.

If you’re aware of literally anything you would know that there’s a lot of social stigma around sex for women. A lot of women would rightfully find this extremely dehumanising and degrading because a lot of male sexual endeavours are an attempt to dehumanise and degrade women.

Siukslinis_acc · 2026-06-11T04:22:59+00:00

People who tend to ask for sex when not even knowing that person tend not to take "no" for an answer and being pushy and aggressive.

Dunno how men do, but women tend to need to have some interaction before sex happens. You need to mentally guide them towards sex. You had sex on your mind for a while, but they had other things on their mind and thus the sudden jump to sex is jarring.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2026-06-11T10:58:09+00:00

It’s fine on dating apps or at a club/bar. It makes it easier for women who want commitment to weed out men who just want sex. However there is a problem if you do it at inappropriate places like at work, the gym, the grocery store, library/bookstore or park. If it’s not a set place where people are looking to meet others and are just going about their daily lives it’s not acceptable to ask that.

-mixedsignals · 2026-06-10T20:35:58+00:00

Well, what's the context?

also there's no right answer. I was thinking that a context where it's ok to ask for sex is within a relationship. But I also know plenty of people who don't get excited from being asked, they want things to happen with actions not words.

Some people who are into casual ask a random person for sex and they get sex, because that works for them but it doesn't work for everyone.

Yeah you can't ask a stranger without the appropriate context, that's very rude

Rule_Number_7 · 2026-06-10T20:36:18+00:00

I personally don't think there's anything wrong with that. He asked, respected the answer given and moved on.

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Title	What is so bad about directly asking for sex?
Author	CthulhusIntern
Upvotes	0
Comments	134
Date	June 10, 2026 8:28 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1u2dxeq/what_is_so_bad_about_directly_asking_for_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-so-bad-about-directly-asking-for-sex.1582527 https://theredarchive.com/post/1582527

Comments

NO THANK YOU.