Please don't give them any more excuses..

pearlspaghetti · 2021-04-06T16:09:28+00:00

Lmao, scrotes be 30 years old and still waiting on someone to “teach them how to live.” It’s amazing how they’re capable of using the internet to find every kind of depraved porn under the sun, but Todd can’t consult Google to figure out how to wash his cum-crusted sheets and pillow waifu.

XASTA123 · 2021-04-06T17:07:32+00:00

yeah, no. when I left for college the only thing I knew how to do was boil water and press buttons on the microwave. so what did I do? I went online and taught myself how to cook dozens of different meals, taught myself how to do laundry, taught myself how to make a budget, taught myself how to shop for good deals, taught myself how to sew up damaged clothing, etc. Unless you’re dealing with a severe physical or mental illness, it’s achievable!

rosepinks · 2021-04-06T17:11:45+00:00

I grew up pretty sheltered and I have anxiety and when I brought that up to my therapist she just said "but you're an adult now, you can't just keep relying on your parents. You need to figure it out yourself." Honestly, at first it hurt but now I'm so much more empowered and independent. I feel confident enough to do things on my own & figure out my life. Men LITERALLY never have anyone say that. It's so weird how they just use their upbringing as an excuse until they are 40 or even after that. I heard a guy on k*v*n scamuels show say that he's broke and fat at 40 38 yrs old bc he "didn't go to the prom" or have anyone to give him a nice childhood. Like WTF does that have to do with anything? Maybe I would be more sympathetic if they weren't so cruel and unrealistic w their expectations for women BUT THEY ARE.

fdssavedmylife · 2021-04-06T16:01:29+00:00

Oh, please. Most men lack basic life skills because their moms did everything for them and they just expect a woman to come along and fill that role.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2021-04-06T17:36:58+00:00

I agree with this to an extent. You still see people with abusive childhoods out here cooking and cleaning.

We see people fail in society due to substance abuse issues, abusive childhoods and partners. Sadly that’s the reality. But then these people are not obligated to date or procreate, or even be a functioning member of society (which they are often not). I’ve met a few people like this through things like renting out my apartment (going through applicants) or working customer service in the past and I make the conscious effort to not meet them anywhere else.

If this tweet is hinting that grown adults with jobs shouldn’t know basic life skills due to abuse then that’s just sad. But then again, they are not obligated to be in relationships. We do not have to be charities and teach random people basic life skills when everything is on the internet nowadays.

1Here4Bach · 2021-04-06T17:00:34+00:00

Once you reach a certain age you need to look around you and see everyone else has skills that you lack and do something about it. Don’t know how to cook? Take cooking classes. Don’t know how to change a tire or do the laundry? Cool, look it up on YouTube.

And no, it isn’t a sign of “neglect”. It’s a sign you’ve been babied by mommy and daddy all your life.

In college, I met a lot of students who grew up in the foster care system and they were the most competent 20 year olds you will ever meet because they were forced to grow up quick.

The ones who didn’t know how to do laundry and had to have their mom call them and tell them it’s time to get up for class were the coddled middle-class suburban ones.

ambgreen · 2021-04-06T16:28:49+00:00

Lmao like search engines aren’t free. I didn’t know how to clean out a sink drain when I was 18 but a couple of video tutorials online taught me how to do it on my own. No excuses!

Raquel22222 · 2021-04-06T17:46:21+00:00

Funny how woman that have had abusive/neglected childhoods still figured out how to live 🤔

MadamLeFay · 2021-04-06T17:39:09+00:00

Ex-husband: Pretended he didn't know how to do the simplest of household chores. Grew up with both parents who seemed to be functional. Always acted like every chore was beneath him and too complicated to figure out at the same time.
Ex-boyfriend: Kept an immaculate house with all of the necessary items. Parents abandoned him as a teenager, he basically had to fend for himself. Was meticulously groomed, even with a drug and alcohol problem.

WeirdRockbaby · 2021-04-06T16:24:50+00:00

I'm in a abusive family and nobody teach me anything, I'm learning of my own basic life skills, they have installed fear about doing things on my own for so long but I'm learning using youtube and other free resources, I'm improving on my own everyday even with my depression and anxiety, and i have read many men in other subreddits for support for people in this situation that have ask for information on how to start to do basic stuff because they want to be their own person for a change. So I don't believe that excuse at all. The men who don't know how to do his own laundry and plays the victim it's a selfish individual who don't want to bother with those things and want you to "teach" him by doing it for him every time. Don't fall for it.

gutsandgorey · 2021-04-06T17:23:18+00:00

Reminder that now it's your responsibility to teach yourself those things as an adult. You shouldn't feel shame but you should fix it.

DontAskTwice-A-Roni · 2021-04-06T17:52:41+00:00

I almost never cooked when I was a kid/teen because my mom cooked most of the food in the house. I would help sometimes and got into baking in high school, but I was NEVER much of a cook until I moved out on my own and had to do it for myself. And you know what happened? I LEARNED! There is no excuse for ignorance in adulthood regarding life skills in the age of the internet. You can learn these skills. and if you refuse, then that really is a personal failing.

Like, I get what the person is saying. I understand that it’s the parent’s job to prepare their kids for life, but at some point adults have to take responsibility and take care of themselves.

And, it isn’t always “abusive/neglectful” either btw. I knew lots of well to do/wealthy kids who never learned how to clean or do laundry because their moms were housewives and/or they had maids and housekeepers growing up. They all learned how to take care of themselves when they went off to college because they had to!

OrangeyPanda · 2021-04-06T16:31:22+00:00

If they're capable of having a job and playing video games then they have no excuse and the reason they don't do housework is entitlement.

Mcccy · 2021-04-06T17:25:17+00:00

Sure, when you're 18 and your first time away from family it's normal to not have THE life skills.

But if a whole damn year passes and still haven't googled "how tf do I make spaghetti" "how tf do I use the washing machine" "how on earth do I clean properly" there's absolutely no excuses. Just mold and takeaway boxes everywhere.

Breesasha · 2021-04-06T17:33:40+00:00

This excuse may work for someone under 18 when you're young, unsure of where to go, and don't have full control of your life. But 18+, you can reach out. You're not under someone else's control. Find a mentor or family member who can help you do the basics like find a job, file taxes, pay bills, and rent a place. You can make financial and legal decisions. There's resources that are available to them; Google, 211, social services, higher education, etc.

AyemHerself · 2021-04-06T21:08:29+00:00

Men: We built civilization! We invented society! We can do anything!
Also men: Nobody taught me how to cook, that's why I live off pizza rolls and root beer.

LavaDogged · 2021-04-07T00:16:13+00:00

My dad has been financially abusive to my mom the last 40 years, he is flipping out on my mom for not magically knowing financial management and is using that as an excuse to claim she has “diminished capacity” (he is literally trying to control my mom after death since he is terminal right now and attempting to send her to the looney bin). I told my mom, and tell anyone that even ATTEMPTS to take my piece of shit dads side on this matter exactly this. “What you are observing is not a result of incompetence my father claims; but is literally PTSD from the trauma he has caused over decades of emotional, financial and physical abuse. Concurrence, or anything other than explicitly believing my moms statements on the abuse she incurred is enabling an abuser and I can only assume they are an abuser themself and from this point forward request communication with/from an individual that is not an abuse sympathizer”.

Fucking nursing homes filled with pickme nurses helping my dad stalk and harass my mom and all for what, the approval of a literal fucking stranger just cause he’s a dude.

lisanolisa · 2021-04-06T16:31:23+00:00

That’s a decent excuse for when you’re 15 and under. Anything older is embarrassing, cleaning is not exactly rocket science, it’s extremely obvious what to do. As for cooking, google exists, YouTube exists. They just expect women to do it.

Why do women keep setting up these excuses for men? :/

2021-04-06T19:18:27+00:00

Ok please enjoy deep-cleaning your poop-stained everything and the weird shredded bits of poop-stained toilet paper that litter your bathroom floor because you played stupid games and won yourself an absolute prize of a dysfunctional man.

Guuurrrl_okeehay · 2021-04-06T22:00:48+00:00

If people come from other countries with no knowledge how to speak the language, no education, no job opportunities, no vacation, no fun, and less than $20 are able to make it, then these men should be able to learn certain skills as well.

Heck there is a video of a 5 year old poor Asian kid who knows how to make fried rice for him and his brother.

popsthrowsup · 2021-04-07T00:13:21+00:00

A MOM WHO BABYS THEIR SON AND SAYS HE’LL “find a nice woman” TO DO THOSE THINTS FOR HIM LATER IN LIFE IS NOT “abuse” ITS CODDLING! Good lord

Men will be the first to say no one owes you shit and you gotta do things yourself

Until it comes to learning how to do laundry, then it’s a sob story about their childhood? Thought you were an adult, adults shouldn’t be reliant on other people

MushroomsInTheAttic · 2021-04-07T10:19:54+00:00

This makes me think of my little brother - has zero life skills - can't clean a house, do laundry, cook anything for himself, can't fix anything, not even change a lightbulb. He was definitely not abused, he was (is) just spoiled by our mother. While me and my sister surprisingly "have" those life skills.

Edit: I just keep coming up with more, and keep getting madder at my parents for the difference in how we were raised - he doesn't know where his clean clothes are, where the spices are located, which milk we usually buy, what a normal grocery list looks like for our house, where the cleaning supplies are, where we buy food for pets, and the list is infinite - how is that fair??

aleynawae · 2021-04-06T19:01:48+00:00

Mmmmkay, but at some point you have to take responsibility for your own life instead of using the 'but no one ever taught me' excuse.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-04-06T19:18:29+00:00

LowCalPal · 2021-04-06T20:50:13+00:00

Maybe if you're in your very early twenties this can function as an explanation for why you're still learning. You are still responsible for learning those skills as an adult, though, and if you haven't done so by the time you've been out of your parents' house for five years, then it's a choice you're making.

dogfart4 · 2021-04-06T20:54:55+00:00

Cool but it ain’t gonna be me...

SolunaJune · 2021-04-06T16:57:50+00:00

And now that they're adults, they can teach themselves how to live and not rely on others and/or gender roles to get their needs fulfilled. Grow up and be an adult. We all have things to overcome from our childhood.

ScrotonimoStilton · 2021-04-06T19:28:04+00:00

James Hillman's "The soul's code" points out a very clear reality that modern psychology fails to mention entirely : that despite lack of role models in the forms of mother and father, the world and life itself are both mother and father to us all.

The excuse of "someone was supposed to teach you" is stupid and lazy. If this was true, nobody who lacked appropriate parental guidance would be alive and thriving. These excuses are pathetic.

2021-04-06T20:18:23+00:00

This is true for women. For men, it usually means they grew up entitled.

2021-04-06T20:27:41+00:00

I was neglected and abused as a child all the way until university. Yet I have had a job since I was 13, I can cook, clean, pay rent, do taxes, pay for all my shiet, not use drugs or alcohol, buy my own car and so on by the age 22. If anything I’ve been motivated by my abuse to learn as much as possible and build my life beyond people’s expectations.

thecrazywitch31 · 2021-04-07T07:09:08+00:00

Yeah... But now if you're an adult you can be that someone who is supposed to teach you 🤷🏻

Like people build an entire profession by learning things online, I'm sure you can learn basic life skills too 🤦🏻

I started living by myself when I was 15. I still hadn't had a chance to learn it all because I was usually busy with back to back tuitions. When I started living alone I recognized my shortcoming and taught myself everything. Its not that hard.

VivaLaSea · 2021-04-07T00:38:32+00:00

I fucking hate this mindset. Most basic life skills are common fucking sense. Like, my parents never explicitly told me to wash my ass with a washcloth, but I knew to do so because it's common fucking sense.
At 11, I learned how to do laundry just by reading the instructions under the lid of the washing machine.
Also, if you have eyes you can see when something is dirty and needs to be cleaned.
And with the internet and youtube, no one has any excuse to not know how to cook a meal.

cutherdowntosize · 2021-04-06T22:20:26+00:00

First of all, no. Second of all, NOPE.

I'd argue that it would be the opposite. When you don't have someone to cater to you 24/7 and are left to your own devices you have to figure it out for yourself. Yeah, maybe you're not the with regulating when things have to get done all the time and let things "go" more often but you know when and how to do it. I was a latchkey kid from the time I was in 4th grade (by choice) and because of that, I learned how to do a lot by myself. I became independent and then my mother helped foster my interest in being independent.

AcademicMobile1 · 2021-04-06T22:25:48+00:00

I learned how to cook from Food Network ¯_(ツ)_/¯

chungkingxbricks · 2021-04-07T02:16:50+00:00

I’m so over this excuse. 😆

relationship_reddit · 2021-04-07T03:55:00+00:00

I mean, I see it as both. Yeah, your parents should have taught you, and it's shitty if they didn't, but at some point you have to take responsibility for your own life and teach yourself what they didn't. Like, if you're 18 and don't know basic things like how to cook simple meals and do the laundry that's on them, but if you're 25 and still can't do those things, that's on you.

Miss_MossPDX · 2021-04-07T10:52:04+00:00

It's just all about what's important to a person, where there's a well there's a way. Taking care of yourself is not important to these dudes. Taking care of yourself is important to me. Our fundamentals are different. Buh bye.

lskfjd743 · 2021-04-06T18:13:54+00:00

Yeah, but it doesn't have to me ME!!!!

PasDeTout · 2021-04-07T00:42:02+00:00

What nonsense. Unless you lack capacity, what somebody else doesn’t teach you, you learn for yourself. Or you ask someone to show you.

This wasn’t even an excuse before the internet existed.

ugglee_exe · 2021-04-06T17:26:02+00:00

The most responsible people I’ve met are those who have been through rough childhoods and times.

frustratedanon123 · 2021-04-07T02:27:23+00:00

I think there is a HUGE range of experiences that this could apply to. Not to justify pathetic scrotes who just refuse to learn "adulting" (gag me), but I worked in corrections for several years, I also now do foster care, and I gotta say... This shit is real and it is horrifically sad. Don't ever assume that someone grew up with the same general values and life experiences you did. I have met teenage girls who have never been taught how to care for their hygiene properly despite being halfway through their adolescence and sexually active. A lot of life skills are learned from adults who modeled them for us and we take it for granted that everyone has the same model when we have a good (or at least halfway decent - showers, brushes teeth, etc.) model.Some people don't have that. Some people literally grow up in squalor and are never taught to brush their own teeth or hair, and their parents don't either because they're too drug addled to even bother. Just always be kind.

Gloomy-Ad3145 · 2021-04-07T04:27:09+00:00

Um.... My mom was a single mom working 2 jobs until I was in middle school. I learned to cook and clean for myself. Fuck them and their excuses.

CloudRoses · 2021-04-07T14:21:14+00:00

Its not a personal failing in your early twenties. (been there)

But it IS a personal failing when:

You are hurting others

You are not doing anything to change

You're in your thirties

Acceptable-Respond54 · 2021-04-07T15:24:52+00:00

I’m from an abusive and neglectful household. And I taught myself everything I know. If you can’t afford therapy there’s plenty of resources about parenting yourself. Past a certain point in adulthood, people need to take responsibility for themselves. I’m not here to do that for a guy I’m dating.

Title	Please don't give them any more excuses..
Author	unplural
Upvotes	943
Comments	84
Date	April 6, 2021 3:51 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mler2n/please_dont_give_them_any_more_excuses/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/please-dont-give-them-any-more-excuses.778430 https://theredarchive.com/post/778430

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