Gaslighting me by telling me not being comfortable with sex talk with a stranger is “unhealthy” 🤢 Analysis in the comments

HottPinkSlug · 2021-03-28T19:14:31+00:00

That kind of emotional intimacy is earned. That's what makes it worthwhile you stupid, stunted, lazy fucks

witchingsauce · 2021-03-28T19:12:32+00:00

There’s that winner shrug emoji 😂 (Always know men with that shrug emoji attitude are no good.) He will soon be farting in your face cause it’s unhealthy to suppress farts when around a partner. You gotta always be comfortable around each other, never wanna walk on eggshells ™️

tellmesomething11 · 2021-03-28T19:22:50+00:00

Ah, yes. The “I want someone to accept me for ME,” never mind if it’s not socially acceptable, poor taste or just stupid. Wait, you won’t do anal? “I don’t like feeling restricted w sex”. Wait, no open relationships? “ I should be able to date who I want. But you can’t, of course, unless I give permission.” Wait, I have to pay my own bills? “I want an independent woman who will just throw her paycheck into a joint account and we’ll figure it out.”

He’s a loser.

gainsental · 2021-03-28T19:47:15+00:00

this is a really great example of manipulation aka using good words like "openness", "freedom", "trust" to stretch women's boundaries. pickmes fall for this shit

spinsterchachkies · 2021-03-28T19:15:18+00:00

Translation: I never want to be told no by a woman. To limit my ability to use and degrade you by having boundaries is unhealthy. I am looking for a woman that can’t say no to me ever.

Apprehensive_Ad_7917 · 2021-03-28T19:18:38+00:00

This is a really good example of the tactic manipulative and abusive men often use: false dichotomy. He’s essentially saying: be open with me immediately or never. He’s totally ignoring the middle ground, that openness requires trust and history, things that are earned.

pretty_kill · 2021-03-28T19:45:25+00:00

Well we aren’t partners, and you are a fucking stranger so I don’t owe you any access to my sexuality, bye

myousername · 2021-03-28T19:30:29+00:00

HUGE RED FLAG 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Respecting someone's boundaries and having basic social skills is NOT the same as "walking on eggshells"

This man is almost certainly a narcissistic abuser who has heard that phrase from one of his past victims and is now inverting the meaning of it to manipulate and gaslight potential future victims.

The CORRECT meaning of "walking on eggshells" is "being overly cautious about one's words and actions around someone who is easily offended and prone to react with explosive anger", most commonly seen in victims of abuse because they fear provoking his abuse.

What you said to him was neither explosive nor angry. You weren't even particularly offended. You weren't being abusive to him. You were just setting a boundary and he decided to use DARVO. Men who use psych babble like this should be avoided at all costs.

starlight_sequence · 2021-03-28T19:15:22+00:00

For context, he asked about my perfect day. I gave a brief answer, while his was much longer. He also ended his "perfect day" with a plausible euphemism for sex. I then asked him to explain what he meant.

As you can see, I very politely established that I don't feel comfortable with sex talk with a strange man. I considered simply unmatching, as I had a hunch how he would respond based on experience, but at this point I was approaching it as more of an experiment on one of my dating philosophies.

I subscribe to the philosophy that it's more important to see how a man responds to you establishing a boundary than whether they cross a boundary in the first place (within reason, of course.) Not everyone is perfect, right? A low-investment, early dating app conversation can be a good place to put this theory to the test.

Right off the bat, he's "disagreeing" with how I feel, which shouldn't be something that's up for debate. Indeed, the concept of there being different levels of appropriateness of discussion depending on your familiarity with the person in question seems to be a foreign concept to him. I am much more likely to feel comfortable discussing sex with a man who has been courting me for several months than I am with a man I've exchanged two messages with on a dating app. That is an absolutely normal, reasonable way to feel. If you read between the lines, you can see what he's looking for is a woman who will let him say or do anything without question.

The part that really gets me is where he told me that "limiting my openness of thought" is unhealthy. That's a blatant attempt at gaslighting me. He's trying to take the onus off of him for behaving inappropriately, and instead onto me for putting up boundaries. He's hoping I'll bend my comfort level fo suit him so that I seem "cool" and "open."

I do still stand by my philosophy. I continue to believe that it's important to see how a man responds to you establishing a boundary. I also advise not getting your hopes up, especially in the early stages. He should know better. Most of the time they're going to deflect, get defensive, or gaslight and you should be prepared for that and willing to walk away.

warinmymind94 · 2021-03-28T21:36:19+00:00

The 🤷‍♂️ emoji i hate because scrotes always use it when they say something completely douchey. Sex talk is not normal right off the bat especially with a stranger! Guys that try to talk about sex super fast are seriously just trying to have hookups and test out your boundaries. Sex Definitely should be talked about in a mature setting but when you have started to see someone and are starting to get to know them. He is predatory and gaslighgkng you for sure here! Block and delete.

belluxi · 2021-03-28T19:24:38+00:00

Seen it and heard it 100 times before. Same exact rhetoric.

He is not being deep, healthy nor original.

He is telling you heads on he will not care how you feel or what you want.

These types of guys value FrEeDoM (hint:only theirs).

I would have said something like this before blocking: That is so true! Wow you're right. You made me realize I also want to feel free and open. For that I need to know you won't talk to me about sex. Otherwise I feel like you are trying to put me in a box and limit my sense of well being.

_queeeen_ · 2021-03-28T20:55:43+00:00

This is classic “left wing patriarchy” abuse. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. You’re right to feel put off by his response.

oliveial4185 · 2021-03-28T20:38:20+00:00

"...any topic of discussion with a potential partner." As if he's never heard of romance, courting, or the basic concept of dating and actually getting to know someone, which includes building up emotional attraction in order to earn such intimate discussions. I'm so annoyed by this moron. I hate everything about his message and your analysis is spot on.

janeaustenfan99 · 2021-03-28T22:06:41+00:00

He spent more space talking about why he should be able to violate your boundaries than on your future trip to Ecuador. Shows where his interests and intentions lie.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-03-28T23:30:39+00:00

This is another great example of the disgusting manipulation these LVM use to cross women's boundaries.

Notice how he seems to have a ton of respect for everything that he thinks, wants and feels but absolutely none for her thoughts wants and feelings?

AffectionateEchidna5 · 2021-03-29T00:28:15+00:00

Break it down for his pea-sized head. When you play video games in your mom's basement do you automatically get all the content from level one? Or do you have to unlock said content? You earned the contact by putting in the work.

Want sexy talk from a woman? Work to earn it.

I hope you never responded and just blocked.

RabidWench · 2021-03-28T21:50:55+00:00

"I don't want to walk on eggshells, never knowing when a virtual stranger will cross my stated boundaries through sheer fucking entitlement. Good luck with that, though."

Don't send that, but goddamn these assholes need a dressing down.

howdoilogoutt · 2021-03-28T20:35:14+00:00

red flags red flags everywhere

Khentiamentiu42 · 2021-03-28T23:17:15+00:00

It's always creepy when they act like your are auditioning or it's an interview for the shitty job of being anywhere near them

stalient · 2021-03-28T19:58:17+00:00

The best thing to do in these situations is to ignore entirely (if you aren't blocking). I've gotten apologizes from guys after going silent, since they reread their last message and start feeling self conscious about it. When you respond, it gives them an excuse to reassert their frame. Replying to their message in any way, shape, or form is validating it, since it implies you are willing to keep negotiating.

Representative-Let40 · 2021-03-28T21:40:23+00:00

I’m just a basic chimpanzee 🤷‍♂️

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-03-28T21:53:56+00:00

He really thought he did something, huh? So funny scrotey.

Only_Lime2520 · 2021-03-28T22:16:38+00:00

OMG the analyses in your comment as well as other ladies' are GOLDEN. Thank you!!!!

I would love to add: My ex talks like this, wanting to discuss everything, every topic, every angle as if he wants to LITERALLY pry open my mind and to probe apart its contents. He would label me as "having Trust issues" and "too damaged to be open-minded" when I told him of my boundaries. And I DIDN"T KNOW THIS WAS GASLIGHTING!! AND FOR A FUCKING LONG TIME I thought I was the one with issues, despite that it is TOTALLY valid to feel uncomfortable and cringey and not wanting to talk about certain topics.

And you know what this type would devolve into in the middle of the relationship when you already invest in them? Either
a/ They would level up the abuse to be your devil's advocate playmate. What a fuck nuisance that is when they continuously pose questions like, "What if aaallll womens issues were imaginary??" "what if they were just on period" "what if children can consent?" and you can see they venture into reaaallll shady territory in the name of deMoCrAtiK dUhBaTe

OR

b/ They would start to unhinge on you the door to all sorts of their male depravity in the name of "I thought we could tell each other everything". They would tell you how they were attracted to their cousins and still are, they would tell you how they notice their moms were wearing a cotton sleep dress today etc. IF you don't extend your listening ear and compassion to them, they'd neg you again, "I don't want to feel like I can hold certain things from my partner"

OR BOTH

On an unrelated note, I've always loved the screenshot posts like this and I wish to see more as HOLY SHIT they are totally opening my eyes %#^@&*^%!!

bamboohobobundles · 2021-03-29T00:18:40+00:00

"Sure, I respect that. This means we're unfortunately not compatible, as I don't feel the same way, and I don't want to waste your time or mine. All the best." Blokt.

AnniaT · 2021-03-29T02:36:17+00:00

I was gaslighted like this by men I didn't want to have sex with on the first dates.

"You're not adventurous. You're too close minded"

"But I want to see if I have chemistry with a possible partner"

"But why are you so prude? We're enjoying being with each other, it's just sex"

lmao

endorphins_ · 2021-03-29T00:07:49+00:00

This is absolute bullshit. I’ve dating a guy for a month and we’ve haven’t talked about sex once.

2021-03-29T03:06:45+00:00

AsK mE anYtHinG iM aN oPen BoOk 🥴

Garbage human delete block 🔨

Dexaroo5716 · 2021-03-29T00:39:27+00:00

He should call his mom 🤷‍♀️

QuackadillyBlip8 · 2021-03-28T20:41:06+00:00

“Here’s why my logic is right and why you’re over reacting. My behavior is normal it is you that is being unreasonable” UGH

onceuponasea · 2021-03-28T22:26:01+00:00

What a dummy. He’s emotionally inept to the principle of earning trust and building intimacy slowly.

Dummy.

VanessaViews · 2021-03-29T01:00:57+00:00

He's disrespecting your boundaries then has the NERVE to say you are doing something that's not healthy. Edit- meant to say disrespecting

ItLou · 2021-03-29T04:42:27+00:00

That fucking shrug emoji pisses me off, you absolute pleb, you know what you're doing.

PicklesNBacon · 2021-03-29T00:40:11+00:00

God, I’m NOT looking forward to going back to the dating scene

GreatOrchidAmbition · 2021-03-29T03:07:09+00:00

lol not him using philosophy 101 wrong to try to get you

wicked kewel

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Kimpractical · 2021-03-29T21:54:37+00:00

There’s is absolutely no way to bring up the topic of sex without being vulgar or overt, fucking idiot

awkchihuahua · 2021-03-29T22:37:25+00:00

Boundary pushing pig. They're common on Hinge.

One guy called me boring and serious because I wouldn't indulge him in my deepest sexual fantasy before ever meeting him.

So pathetic, thank god you got the red flag before moving forward. Saves time!

-pop-fizz-clink · 2021-03-29T23:37:08+00:00

The exact same thing has happened to me a few times. He also used the term "walking on eggshells" because I said "I don't feel it's appropriate to discuss that at this juncture, we haven't met yet" and he slaps me with the same "well I'm looking for someone who is open and doesn't make me walk on eggshells".

So, not only are you invasive but you're a shitty little punk who tells me I'm being emotionally abusive because I won't answer a very personal or sexual question? Fuck off.

rideoffalone · 2021-03-29T07:18:15+00:00

You guys need to stop trying to online date. There's nothing worthwhile there for you.

Throwawaysealove96 · 2021-03-29T03:46:38+00:00

Just curious- what was brought up? I feel like I’m missing a screenshot here.

Feminineprincess · 2021-07-27T14:04:16+00:00

He’s an antisocial creep. “I don’t want to walk on eggshells”= “I’m testing the waters to see how sexual I can get without investing time and energy in you”

Title	Gaslighting me by telling me not being comfortable with sex talk with a stranger is “unhealthy” 🤢 Analysis in the comments
Author	starlight_sequence
Upvotes	494
Comments	83
Date	March 28, 2021 7:08 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mf7jsq/gaslighting_me_by_telling_me_not_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/gaslighting-me-by-telling-me-not-being-comfortable.779152 https://theredarchive.com/post/779152

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