Weekly FDS Check-in

SpiteTomatoes · 2021-08-16T05:12:07+00:00

Random bitching here but I'm so fucking tired of hearing about Amber Heard. Like, ok, maybe she was a POS who abused Johnny Depp and abusers deserve to be called out, but if Reddit spent the same amount of energy posting about men who did the same thing to women, well, we would have no reprieve from posts about men assaulting women and pretending to be victims. The circlejerk is so annoying. Not to downplay what Johnny went though at all, just like, do we only care when this happens to men?

misscyansiren · 2021-08-16T04:59:59+00:00

Here's an interaction I had that confirmed the first rule about men that women need to know: Men Play Dumb.

I was talking to a guy that I've known since childhood (we don't talk anymore).

Me: I'm convinced that vast majority of dudes hate women
Him: (innocent tone) You really believe that men hate women?
Me: Yes
*many months later during a monologue of his*
Him: blah blah blah I used to hate women because I had 3 older sisters in addition to my mom blah blah blah

This guy also used to be heavily entrenched in the manosphere. He followed roosh v and believed that a woman older than 25 is "too old."

His sister and brother-in-law were both 32 and struggling to conceive. Scrote smugly tells his sister "well it might be too late now." His sister is now 35 and pregnant with her second child ^_^

fleuretpomme · 2021-08-16T04:07:47+00:00

I forgot how speaking about dating experiences as a bisexual woman makes people, especially men, angry. People expect me to act like there's no difference in experiences I have with both. Any negative experience I talk about is me being a mAn HaTeR.

I got banned from another sub after disclosing I'm bi and talking about the differences. I wish reddit actually had a legit way to report mods for anti-LGBT behavior

SpiteTomatoes · 2021-08-16T04:56:20+00:00

Should I just end it now? I already know the answer prob but would like some input. Went on a first date last week. He ended up giving me an easy way to find his reddit username so I went ahead and did a dive. The post that concerns me...

There was an askreddit thread asking if men who discovered porn young were negatively impacted. His basic answer was yes and it has caused him to be bored with "normal" sex when in relationships.

A part of me really wants to dive deeper and see if this is a real issue, a bigger part of me says block, delete, and move on. Just need some encouragement here.

Peak_Tree · 2021-08-16T05:18:16+00:00

Cried all day reading about afganistan.

I_know_right_AS_IF · 2021-08-16T05:30:07+00:00

I keep struggling with wanting to check my ex's reddit account to see what he's up to. I know it won't be helpful, I know I would have a reaction to whatever it is he's posting about. I have him blocked so I would have to take extra steps to see his profile, which helps.

Days after we broke up was the last time I checked it (~2 months ago), and he posted to a sex sub about his new partner, which I assumed was made up because he knew I'd check his account from time to time. I wanted to call him out in the comments. I wanted to comment asking if he informed this new partner of his STD? To call him out for posting this 5 days after our breakup where he was lamenting to me about how he thought we were going to be together forever etc!

But I didn't. I didn't want him to know I checked it. I want to remain on the high road.

It's not worth it to check it. But I still struggle with it at least once a week. Tonight is difficult, but I won't check it.

I want to be free of this feeling. I'm finally at a point where I don't cry or miss him anymore. Which leads me to believe seeing his account wouldn't affect me, but I know that's not true.

Needed to get this out. It helps. Thank you for reading and being here with me ❤️

Breesasha · 2021-08-16T05:28:32+00:00

I had a good week; I made the most of a trip out of town with a friend and no men involved. Although I went to Vegas, aka the city of sin, I avoided my former pick-me ways. I didn't try to flirt with every guy I saw, I rejected any advances from LVM who just wanted to flirt or hook up, and I danced only with other women. I didn't want to turn a 30th birthday celebration into a meat market. It was just pure, unadulterated fun.

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2021-08-16T04:19:37+00:00

Did a time machine make a stop near me recently?? Why are males from my past trying so hard to creep on me at the same time?

Funny, the ones I am dating now clearly aren’t interested themselves… the other guys just smell it even via no contact lol.

Ladyofblades · 2021-08-16T08:26:00+00:00

Never marry or LTR a man who 1) doesn’t match your libido 2) doesn’t think you’re the most amazing ever or act intensely passionate and affectionate to you. Men who are lukewarm in their sexual feelings about their partner are often cheaters or are secretly carrying a torch for an ex they’re comparing you to in their head.

These men will say they love you but fantasize about other women and think it doesn’t matter because “they luv yoo.” Men accuse us of hamstering but the grade a bullshit that the male brain is capable of coming up with has no equal

Villanelloh · 2021-08-16T08:23:38+00:00

I'm sick of men having random temper tantrums because something happened they didn't like. Especially the older generations who think mental illness doesn't exist but display textbook behaviours of emotional immaturity. My father is like this. He can show HV traits but randomly fly off the handle over something so non important.

atreegrowsinbrixton · 2021-08-16T05:22:40+00:00

i need to brag for a minute, the longer i date my new BF, the more green flags i see.

-he is so generous and so thoughtful. he's always asking me if i'm hungry, cooking for me, making sure everything is perfect. he went out shopping the other day and bought me a piece of jewelry just because. he insists on paying for everything and gets offended when i try to buy him drinks or anything.

-he is so kind and caring to me, he always asks how i'm doing, checks in on me multiple times throughout the day. one night i cut my finger and he was so concerned, came running with a first aid kit to patch me up and make sure i was okay.

-he is SO CLEAN, he's works very hard, he doesn't watch porn, he doesn't play video games, he doesn't have instagram, he doesn't make racist/sexist/otherwise bad remarks about anyone, he is respectful towards everyone

-he loves and respects his mother, but she lives in a different country so i never have to deal with her

-he is constantly trying to plan out new date ideas, and easy going enough to do whatever i want to do even when i turn him down

-absolutely never pressures me for sex at all

-he has made his intentions clear from the very beginning, he has specifically defined the relationship, told me in no uncertain terms that cheating is an absolute dealbreaker, and is so happy to show me love and affection. wants to take pictures and brag to the world about me, wants me to meet everyone, etc

overall, i'm impressed. even if it doesn't work out long term, it is nice to have this high quality of a man around. it's setting a very high bar for anyone in the future. i've said i love flowers, and in the past 2 months this man has bought me more bouquets than my ex did in an entire 3 year relationship. it's really shocking how little i settled for before. that's it.

pearlyshimmer · 2021-08-16T10:03:58+00:00

i hate that every month before my period i simultaneously get super cynical and super sad, like “love doesn’t exist you idiots!!” proceeds to start sobbing at what i just said

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-08-16T19:49:52+00:00

Former doormat here. I needed to buy a new mattress so I went shopping today and my mom wanted to join and hang out with me. Here's the thing. So, my language has the so called T-V distinction, which uses different pronouns depending on the level of politeness you wanna use. You talk to children, adults, strangers, coworkers etc. differently. And there was this shop assistant (lady in her 50s) who kept talking to me like I was a child. She used the pronouns you would use when you talk to a child or a friend, but she talked to my mom in a proper way. At first I thought I would let it go, but she kept doing it so I asked her why she talks to me like that, and I told her I'm 30 years old. She looked super offended. I don't know what was that supposed to mean, and I don't even care, but what I wanna say, I'm so fucking proud of myself, I would never neveeeer say that before FDS. I was never able to call out rude people or stand for myself. I have amazing role models here, so thank you everyone for being amazing! <3

throwRAwhatisthis · 2021-08-16T11:55:23+00:00

How can you tell if you’re vetting too hard and being paranoid vs something in your heart and gut aren’t lining up?

So far I have many green flags and my bf has been changing his behavior immediately if I complain about anything. He wholeheartedly apologizes and changes his behavior. He listened to what I said- and is doing above and beyond what my original complaint was. It’s like he took what I said seriously and thought of ways to improve!

But I’m scared of being lovebombed. How do I know if he genuinely cares and isn’t just trying to appease me to “keep me”?

Can anyone also elaborate on the “stare” that you guys have been posting about? How to tell if he’s actually admiring you or if he’s scanning you?

MissouriBlue · 2021-08-16T07:32:50+00:00

So I’ve an issue.

I’ve discovered that I cannot cry.

I’ve Emotionally Constipated myself by protecting myself from emotional abuse… WTF?!

I really want a good snot-slinging bawl episode. But I can’t seem to muster one up. (I’ve even tried vino.)

Anyone have any suggestions?

File-Own · 2021-08-16T08:21:06+00:00

What are your thoughts on men who approach in public places? (not PUA scum who go around trying to get every girl's number, ones who are interested in you specifically).

A guy asked for my number yesterday (I said yes, because he was my type and I had also been looking at him a lot). I like men who take initiative, although I know that doesn't necessarily indicate a guy is HVM of course, especially because he only had my looks to go on.

But it's a nice change from the sorts of guys I'd kept running into previously when dating/even friends who could have been "something more" (guys who didn't take initiative, tried to play the "will we won't me" game, etc.) The last LVM I dated was incredibly "feminine" personality wise, once of those "why can't men be the prize/why can't women chase" types - it was insufferable!

Thoughts ladies? :)

Hateorade_ · 2021-08-16T04:39:33+00:00

How do I stop being so hard on myself for dealing with an LVM for so long? I keep on going over the minuscule things that I did in the relationship, trying to compensate for the big shit things he did. One thing that kind of makes me feel better is thinking about treating someone the way he did and cringing bc I knew I wasn’t being treated right.

Ive been beating myself over the fact that I texted him a day after I broke up with him. It was wrong and so disrespectful on my end… but my emotions were all over the place and up until recently, Ive finally gotten everything in check. He reached out to me this past May and the contact with him made me realize he didn’t change so I officially had him blocked off my phone. However, I’m still scared to download LinkedIn and see his face because it genuinely makes me anxious. I don’t know what to do about this. I’m happier knowing that he’s not in my life anymore, I also go on an Instagram cleanse often and it makes me so happy. I don’t know if this is petty, but a bit of a reason why I delete Instagram is bc a lot of people in my extended circle are getting engaged. I’m sick of seeing it on my page. Also, I just feel that Instagram is really toxic… I know for sure that I’m happy without it which is good. I also just don’t know how to deal with seeing my ex in public.. I remember one day, I thought I saw him walking on the street and I just froze and semi dissociated. It was scary but I don’t even know how to deal. Sorry this was all over the place.

numbers213 · 2021-08-16T22:33:35+00:00

I really thought this guy was going to stab me out of rage today.... I stalled during pouring rain right when the light turned green. It's quick turn around to get moving again, like max 10 seconds... the guy behind now only nearly rear ended me when the light was red but honked then kept honking even in the turn. He quickly parked while I was still moving and got out of his car throwing his hands up and walking towards my moving car. I kept going to the next major box store (both very busy places thankfully) and he stood outside the box store I was originally going to go to watching my car for 30 seconds to a minute before going in. Thank god I did curb side pick up but it was probably one of the most terrifying experiences I've had recently.

Maude2010 · 2021-08-17T01:16:53+00:00

I feel absolutely sick about the situation in Afghanistan and I can’t do a thing about it.

XRoze · 2021-08-16T04:00:39+00:00

Does anyone else cringe suuuuper hard when they see popular sex advice in other subreddits? It's always some guy who is worried about disappointing a new sexual partner and the comments are filled with the same piece of highly upvoted advice: "eat her pussy like it's the first meal you've had in weeks, bro"

I may be in the minority here, but being eaten out feels extremely intimate to me, maybe even moreso than penetrative sex and it's not something I want a new partner to jump straight into doing to me AT ALL. I wish people would stop pushing this advice on men so hard bc it's so obvious when it's the ONLY kind of "foreplay" a guy has in their repertoire and it's the biggest turn off ever, esp when their standard technique isn't working for me so I have to give them guidance which is laborious.

I'm ranting now but the whole experience goes from invasive to dreadful when they naturally expect a blowjob in return... or worse, want to 69.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-08-16T09:12:49+00:00

What would be good FDS approved dates for date 2 and 3? More dinner dates?

MerrilyMerrilyMe · 2021-08-16T16:32:10+00:00

Hey, not sure if this is where I should ask (if it isn't, I'd appreciate being pointed in the right direction), but: are we still doing meme-free Mondays? If so, what are the hours for that?

I was really enjoying them, so I hope they haven't gone away!

HoneyBouquet · 2021-08-17T06:06:37+00:00

Moved to UAE but not sure how to go about dating. Masks are worn everywhere and in general men dont approach women. online dating just seems for casual stuff. Ive also heard rumours that men here go for American/white women rather than South Asian women.

Dont want to use these dating apps - does anybody live in the UAE currently? How have you gone on dates?

virgoran · 2021-08-17T06:46:37+00:00

Asked a guy why he didn’t answer questions I asked him about work and he went straight into “I guess I’m not good enough for you”. You’re right. I love when the trash takes itself out.

GiraffeLibrarian · 2021-08-17T03:01:24+00:00

Wondering on fellow queen opinions on block/delete when it comes to women. I met a cool girl at a bar a little over a month ago, we kissed and traded numbers. Texted for a while, but then she ghosted.

I have already blocked/deleted, but wondering if you all hold women to the same standard.

Gambit12345 · 2021-08-17T10:12:35+00:00

I’m amazed at how much my confidence has improved since joining FDS. I started reading here while still in my last relationship and then every single day once I dumped my lvx. I’ve spent over a year digging internally to figure out what I want and don’t want. I was seeing someone and adhering as best I could to fds principles. I knew my mindset had improved when I realized the Scrote was trying to guilt trip me and bait and switch, suddenly talking about me going 50/50 after he’d been doing so well paying for dates. Thanks to the plethora of posts about red flags(among which were love bombing and moving too fast) attempts to persuade me to do something I didn’t want failed. Instead of falling for it like my former pick me self might’ve done, I saw it for what it was in the moment. I feel hard as steel when it comes to my standards and boundaries, so unmovable, and ready to walk away at any time. I wasn’t like this before fds and it’s so empowering. I’m not afraid to walk away because my life is pretty happy and satisfying already. Shoutout to the mods for their amazing work!💕💕

ExistentialJelly · 2021-08-16T21:07:48+00:00

I no longer have friends. I focus 100% on my schooling and my life with my husband and inlaws. I don't have the energy to even want to make friends now because it always involves really unnecessary drama regarding men. I just can't spend time with people who set themselves up for bullshit with weak men.

I enjoy my own company. I can go to the spa alone or shopping trips alone, or even with my husband... and I love it.

FDS has been amazing to me because I spent so much time healing and working on myself and it's great to converse with women who hold a similar mindset.

warinmymind94 · 2021-08-18T17:11:37+00:00

Recently encountered a new form of low effort, asked me to dinner and then a movie. Seemed like he was planning it out. Picked out the movie and place and time for the movie but then gave me a vague notion of dinner (which is beforehand) didn't name a place and said there is a whole 2 hour window of possibility when he gets off from work. So I have no idea what time I'm supposed to get there to meetup.

Even if I was a pickme I couldn't do this. I need to vent. He said he will get off at the time which is during rush hour traffic. The drive with that crazy traffic will be a hour from my house. Another thing is this movie theatre is in a mall, and the mall closes at 7pm and starts kicking people out by 630pm. You can use the outside doors for the movies as they are open late. BUT we are in the heat wave of summer its awfully hot and very humid. I can't be sitting in my car running it for maybe an hour or 2 waiting for him to show up. Pickmes would have waited and sat inside the mall at one of those table/lounge areas in the AC until he showed up. Theres no where to sit outside (no tables/benches) and its over 100 degrees out. He also didn't name a restaurant, so instead of the ones in the mall parking lot it could be anywhere.

Hes dangling a carrot on a string in front of me hoping I will deal with his half assed nonsense and jump last minute when he has nothing better to do and shows up.

My rule of thumb is I allow a minimum of 24 hours notice when we are in an established relationship/someone is a close friend AND a minimum 48 hour notice for full plans for a not close friend /potential man.

I use the date formula = specific day + place + time. But he failed to give me an actual time to meetup and instead gave me this vague 2 hour window of when he is out of work, which I don't even know what that means. Who knows how long it will take after he clocks out to get ready, then drive through rush hour traffic to the mall where we're supposed to meet?

He knows better. He knows this vague shit doesn't fly at his job, he knows the world doesn't run like this. He knows how appointments work. Most places charge you a fee if you don't cancel/make alternate arrangements 48 or 24 hours for your appointment at a dr or lawyer. Because it's rude not to give notice and you're an adult.

It's really frustrating men in their 30s are still acting like middle school little boys.

Mimieuxmieux · 2021-08-19T03:46:34+00:00

Argh. A coworker is talking about a man she is seeing and he sounds so awful. She talks about how she has firm boundaries etc, but he is already pushing (assuming she will sleepover quickly for a whole long weekend etc.) Today she mentioned she has a group of friends who are super good at looking into social media profiles etc and I said hell yeah, use it on this guy!! Why not?! And she said ohh, I'm trying not to be so negative etc etc. And another coworker backed her up with "just let it all come out naturally" Why is protecting yourself seen as being TOO NEGATIVE? why do random men deserve the benefit of the doubt!? Arghj

heyho-ayo · 2021-08-20T00:48:05+00:00

Recently the guy I’ve been seeing asked me to be exclusive but I’m not ready and not sure if I could see myself with him. I need more time to figure it out. I told him I liked where it’s going and that we’re on a good track. He was bothered by that and later that night when we weren’t together he texted me saying he needed an answer about whether or not I was seeing other people and said he was confused. I told him again I liked seeing him and everything and just felt we needed to get to know eachother more. Now since then he’s been sort of snippy and seems like he’s trying to act cold to prove a point. It’s making me lose interest but I’m not sure how to go about this situation.

wet-plants · 2021-08-16T22:48:50+00:00

Seeking advice: Tonight is my 4th date with a man, or 6th if you count 2 phone calls while he was working out of town. He has been a gentleman for the most part, he has paid for all dates so far. My issue is his effort in planning dates.. He hasn’t ever just said “Dinner, this time, this place”. He consistently asks me what I feel like, “sushi? Mexican?” And when I say he can pick, he picks Mexican and then lists restaurant options. I’m busy driving home from work and getting date-ready, and I’m annoyed at the expectation that I should decide any of this (I’ve never given in, but have had to coach him to make a plan. I know the FDS answer is likely to cut him off. If I were to give one last hint as to get him to make a plan… what would it be? I want to make my expectations known, but without being explicit enough that he can “play the part” that I’ve asked him to. Thanks Queens!

Title	Weekly FDS Check-in
Author	Unlikely-Marzipan
Upvotes	51
Comments	109
Date	August 16, 2021 3:13 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p57u32/weekly_fds_checkin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-check-in.982479 https://theredarchive.com/post/982479

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