Alternatives to Monogamy?

qclady · 2022-01-31T18:32:41+00:00

I feel that we are moving toward temporary monogamy rather than lifelong partnerships.

sarkington · 2022-01-31T17:52:58+00:00

Not if you want to compete with monogamous societies

It’s hard to beat it for efficiency and stability

revosugarkane · 2022-01-31T18:51:39+00:00

Loose monogamy or open relationships answers a lot of the questions raised. However, it’s reaaaally hard to do properly. Some relationships can handle it, some can’t. It challenges jealousy and ownership in a way that can actually help. Sometimes even the idea of it being okay helps, even if neither actually pursues other relationships.

I’ve been in polyamorous relationships, open relationships, FWB, and monogamous relationships. But tbh, monogamy is the least amount of work. The others require a very high level of effective communication (besides FWB lol) for it to work.

CFinCanada · 2022-01-31T17:45:33+00:00

>keeping jealousy, lust, and overall sexual preoccupation in check so that society doesn't waste all its vital energy thinking about sex and having sex, etc.

I don't think there is anything that can compete with monogamy for this. Nothing kills sex drive and makes you want to focus on other things quite like monogamy, maybe only aging can compete.

TheJim66 · 2022-01-31T17:56:17+00:00

There isn't.

-Polygamy (cuckoldry) isn't something men will put up with and won't make men invest in the children.

-Children being raised by the government , dystopian scenario that doesn't solve the issue of keeping men motivated or sexually satisfied.

-Serial monogamy, that's pretty much what we are currently doing but we can see thats not sustainable. Men see the game and realize it's not beneficial to them and has all the problems you mentioned.

We either make monogamy work or we are fucked.

iwasneverherehaha · 2022-01-31T21:53:19+00:00

Its monogamy or single.

AquaChip · 2022-01-31T19:50:09+00:00

I think Serial monogamy would work but the only problem is men have a habit of not wanting anything to do with their kids when they no longer have a relationship with their mother. So that wouldn’t be good for societal stability.

razormachine · 2022-01-31T17:53:25+00:00

As far as I know monogamy is the only system which addresses all of those issues while enabling men and women to pick their partners.

Every other system either doesn't address one or more of said issues or takes away the freedom of choice from one or both genders.

The only way (in my knowledge) to address these issues and abolishing monogamy is to take away the gender inequality by introducing artificial wombs and sex bots.

ProstateJelly · 2022-01-31T19:48:59+00:00

I don’t see a problem with monogamy, per se. I just see a problem with men having an unrealistic expectation of what they need to bring to the table vs their wife.

When both people work, both people clean, both people take care of their bodies, both people are interesting, and both people spice things up in the bedroom, the relationship will endure. It’s only when someone’s bored or lazy that relationship suffer.

I think the problem is that both men and women spend too much time either at work or cooped up at home. Having a society where people earned more and had more work life balance would address a lot of the problems that stress couples out like childcare, bills, being overworked or in physical pain, etc.

andreea_carla_b · 2022-01-31T21:19:04+00:00

Honestly, it low key sounds like shifting responsability on people that shouldn't be responsible for your (in a general sense) lack of success in relationships. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, idk

Obviously I don't mean you personally, because I don't know you.

the-lone-squid · 2022-01-31T22:32:47+00:00

These traditional institutions were put in place for a reason. And it has nothing to do with women.

Men need motivation in order to contribute to society. Traditionally men only went to work long hours to take care of a family.

Sure there are currently single men still working, but that’s mostly just what they see as expectations set from the previous generation. We are already seeing an decrease in workplace participation

JoelMB12 · 2022-01-31T19:53:23+00:00

I'm assuming the monogamy works fine it's more like the lack of commitment all the partners that doesn't see it through.

iamprosciutto · 2022-01-31T20:16:02+00:00

Ethical "table" polyamory is probably as close as we can get. Everyone has to know about everyone, and no parties can be neglected or left out. It would basically be a super family with multiple parents and multiple kids

TheStormzo · 2022-01-31T20:19:37+00:00

Polyamory, ethical non-monagomy, open relationship? I don't get your point.

Most everything you said is stupid.

That__EST · 2022-01-31T20:46:35+00:00

I can see something like social monogamy happening. More relationships being Don't Ask, Don't Tell and more outlines to make sure everyone is bringing something equitable to the table.

voidednoid · 2022-01-31T21:46:07+00:00

If society wanted men to be monogamous they would have marketed disney princes instead of just disney princesses.

Society has tried to fix the problem of neglected children by raising them with technology or an independant parent. While the one parent strategy is less bad, theres no real reason we need to increase the birthrate. Monogamy goes against male instinct, no one's willing to adopt, and robots shouldn't raise kids. Instead of letting the problem get worse and making more families, we should all just accept that the family dynamic is dead and live for ourselves. Make a good thing out of a bad thing instead of making more children suffer.

AidsVictim · 2022-01-31T23:37:35+00:00

Any alternative to monogamy to fix those problems requires at least and probably more restructuring than simply reinforcing monogamy through incentivization (i.e. you only get a free ride to college and admission to better schools if you're married with at least one kid, you only get hired into professional positions with the same, you only get welfare if you live with your offspring etc). There's not much reason to think polygamy or Israeli kibbutz style government programs are a better alternative.

Willow-girl · 2022-02-01T09:34:09+00:00

Why fix what ain't broken? Monogamy (or at least the ideal of such) has been one of the cornerstones of civilization.

EdessaKandros · 2022-01-31T17:47:09+00:00

I think we are headed towards harems. One chad and many women of his choosing.

Matt_Door · 2022-01-31T18:39:14+00:00

Soft-monogamy or monogamish for you Savage Love fans is a thing, and over the years I’ve seen varying degrees, some successful, some not. Some people can handle it, some not. As long as the people involved play by the rules of their agreement, I won’t moralize and would encourage others to do the same. Just handle your business discretely and safely. Like, there doesn’t need to be a “community”…

goatismycopilot · 2022-01-31T18:27:18+00:00

No. Not that incorporate all of the additional factors.

In a way I think serial monogamy addresses the different stages of sexuality and child raising. The partner you raise children with might not be the one you want to stay with after they leave. But serial monogamy and blending families is just as problematic.

I guess if we had a villiage society focused on collectivism you could envision group parenting and switching partners up which is no guarantee people would not become upset by shifting alliances.

onJuputerandMars · 2022-01-31T19:18:51+00:00

Unpopular opinion in this sub I’m sure, but polyamory is fine. It reduces a lot of the stress of monogamy and partner selection. There are lots of different models of polyamory to consider.

Ultimately, it’s not for everyone, but it’s fulfilling and liberating if it works for you. It’s important to note that polyamory is not objectively better or worse than monogamy, and it won’t fix issues present in a monogamous relationship.

Edit to add: for more logistical purposes of raising children, monogamy isn’t what needs changing, but probably the traditional nuclear household.

Effective-Walrus1157 · 2022-01-31T18:23:47+00:00

Swinging. Ever since I met some swingers couples that had been together decades (kids and all), I thought that was obviously the best way to maintain a stable marriage while getting sexual variety. They all said the same thing, they'd been together 5-10 years monogamously, admitted they were bored rather than cheat, and started seeing other couples together.

Open relationships usually suck for the guy because it's harder for men to get sex; swingers meet up with other couples, so the guy gets fun too. And since couples only sleep with other people together, there isn't the same kind of jealousy or paranoia I've seen in other open couples.

Swinging also encourages long-term marital happiness; more couples staying together makes the pool of available people smaller, which could put pressure back onto women to settle down and stay with someone.

gimpgirl555 · 2022-01-31T18:13:38+00:00

Polyandry. One chick and several guys. If we had say 3 guys per girl, then 60% of women would be unnecessary. This would assure male supremacy in society.

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Siukslinis_acc · 2022-01-31T20:26:18+00:00

Small comunities where part of the men are gay/asexual or have lower libido?

oyxyjuon · 2022-01-31T20:38:47+00:00

castration

sernamedeleted · 2022-01-31T22:21:33+00:00

Duogamy

Triogamy

Quadrogamy

Etc.

New_Relative_8709 · 2022-01-31T23:34:23+00:00

Male lack if sex is not a societal problem, and probably will never be

lowlifedougal · 2022-01-31T23:36:40+00:00

Im thinking a polyamorist/polygamist like mechanism which optimizes the sexual strategy of both genders

a) Female is guaranteed a group of productive men and their resources and provisioning
b) Productive means the male is willing to perform a task for resources c) The female can never know which is male is more productive than the other she is only knows the outcome while guaranteed access to that outcome. b) Each male is guaranteed one or more offspring c) In each group the female is guaranteed at least one chad or her vision of chadlike man while the other males each have distinct personalities d) When copulating , each males sperm can be overwritten with the others sperm at random. So even if the female chooses favorites, chooses only the chad, changes her mind or mood. Each male can conceive his own or the other males offspring. e) Each male is entitled to a at least 1 swap into another group with the same obligations only after a given interval of time. The female provisioning never stops . The amount swaps is determined by how productive the male is to the larger society. The female can also swap but only after a longer period of time or may choose to never swap. f) fine tune to keep up productivity, IQ ,and replacement numbers - reducing male in group conflict

Not perfect, very regulated and very much still problematic

jayval90 · 2022-01-31T23:50:27+00:00

Why is everyone trying to find alternatives to lifetime monogamy? Maybe another system does exist that works, but so does lifetime monogamy. And we know it works better than what we're trying now.

Plopolok · 2022-02-01T02:07:08+00:00

Prostitution/SB

Selective abortion of men. (Not all men of course, just tuning the gender balance to something that works better).

Or alternatively, producing a wide supply of fake low value male robots. They would act as NPC, to satiate women's left-swiping instincts, so that choosing any of the real men would feel like a strong selection.

More drugs.

pikecat · 2022-02-01T04:30:56+00:00

In a roundabout way, you've noted the fact that what is good for the individual is bad for society, and looking for an alternative.

But look around the world and the past, has any society found a better solution?

On the other hand what's less good for the individual, is good for society, but indirectly good for the individual. We had the most successful society structure for a long time, and it shows. So everyone benefits from the traditional social structure; even when they had some problems, most people were still better off.

Change to get better for individuals ignored the benefits to all that accrue from that societal structure. When you lose the benefit of that social structure, everyone loses and the benefits for individuals is lost. Pandora's box was opened.

.

You could also say that within one social structure one group did better and another worse, and with the different social structure, a different group did better and a different one was worse off. There is probably no way to make everyone best off, people like different things. Is best average a good goal, or is law of the jungle the new norm?

nedinator3000 · 2022-02-01T10:07:29+00:00

Under our current climate? No way. Monogamy will keep breaking down. None of these other systems really seem to work. There’s basically no consequences for leaving which means people will leave. We’re animals at the end of the day. Need to be controlled.

SouthernGrass3 · 2022-02-01T17:44:31+00:00

-involve media/fashion industry to reduce sexually titillating content/ promotion of very sexualized style and attire /glamorization of a sexually hedonistic lifestyle and polygamy. Provide positive depictions of characters who happen to be sexless and monogamous relationships that would have a decent chance of success in real life (I.e. no female or male nerds getting the prom king/queen, relationships where people acts in good faith that satisfy basic hypergamy without pairing a 4 woman with an 8 man).

-provide more opportunities for celibate folks to participate in group activities that are positively focused and not an echo chamber for anger related to lack of sex/dates-this could involve the church and maybe groups that involve some level of altruism toward larger society. Sports are good too.

-(taken from you): provide incentives and encourage those who really want kids to have a lot of them.

goneaway2thewind · 2022-01-31T20:35:09+00:00

Brave New World type polygamy.

The state is responsible for raising children, parents don't exist. Parents are outdated anyways because it's rare to live in a healthy home environment and the traumas children receive spread like plagues to each other and their children. It's a negative feedback loop.

Everyone belongs to everyone, no sexual stigmas. Actually society is very pro sexual experience and casual about it.

Working isn't entirely necessary, those who do work are doing it to only increase their standard of living beyond the basics. No one overworks but the ones that do are motivated.

Sex is a drive that we can't ignore, but relationships will be atomized as society begins to eclipse our old traditions. More children are growing up to realize that the traditional ways just don't work for human instincts. So I believe that we are already at this point if you look at current trends, but we are waiting for the old traditions to die out within the next generation or two. Then we will ramp up the reliance on the state as more people conform.

TheGweatandTewwible · 2022-01-31T21:31:54+00:00

Unironically polygamy. Think about it:

The man literally can't cheat and his temptation to have sex with different women will likely go down. Even if one of the women cheats, you can kick her out and still have a few other lovely women. The only real downside I see is that if all of them work a coup and divorce the man at the same time, he's gonna end up under the bridge the next day.

Plus, if the man is a real catch, the women will be more than happy to share the man as we see in real life (read: rockstars and hollywood actors). So win-win.

Title	Alternatives to Monogamy?
Author	WilliamWyattD
Upvotes	2
Comments	404
Date	January 31, 2022 5:40 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/sh71yw/alternatives_to_monogamy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/alternatives-to-monogamy.1098677 https://theredarchive.com/post/1098677

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