Bad guy radar

Ofourkind · 2019-09-10T01:21:20+00:00

Some dudes mistake creeps for aasholes. Creeps are pretty easy to spot, assholes often aren't.

Creeps violate social norms and make people around them feel weird, either intentionally or not.

Assholes are often purposefully manipulative and intelligent, and unless they are super inflammatory often appear like normal or even very charming people until they don't.

Most women will tell you that the quiet creepy guy is a lot more likely to be actually insane than some obnoxious jerk.

rus9384 · 2019-09-09T23:28:47+00:00

Hm. We had a thread like this a couple of months ago.

I have said it's just wishful thinking and really women are not that good in spotting misogynists.

CamoWoobie10000 · 2019-09-09T22:56:53+00:00

Something known as the dunning-kreuger effect.

Women think theyre so good at reading people, but at the end of the day, most people are a lot less good at it than they think they are.

Also, the notorious "radar jammer"

http://imgur.com/gallery/Dl36nap

Littleknownfacts · 2019-09-09T23:00:53+00:00

Women often say that they can sense that a guy is a "misogynist" and that's why they won't date him. If women can really sense that a man is trouble from a mile away, how come domestic abuse happens so often?

It's not not some magical super power. Women observe men doing things they think is misogynistic and then come to the conclusion he is a misogynist. Domestic abuse happens when a guy hides this aspect of his personality long enough to trap the woman or when she too comes from abuse, is also an abuser, and this behavior is normalized for her.

Truedemocracy5 · 2019-09-09T23:26:22+00:00

Haha women love misogynists as long as they have the social skill to pull it off with a way that makes people laugh while having a shit eating grin.

ceereality · 2019-09-09T23:08:41+00:00

No, women may have a radar for a misogynist but that is not the same as reading an abusive partner vs a dominant man. Women are attracted to a man who can assert dominance naturaly since it means he can physically protect her from other men. And most abusive partners know how to use this and will hide certain aspects at first that might scare women away. Usually, abusive partners are very skilled in the art of persuasion in contrary to misogynists, and will trap women with this emotionally. If a woman who ends up on the receiving end of abuse stays after the fact it is often because of this reason.

However when a man has misogynist believes, these tendencies tend to reveal themselves to females rather quick often in ways of speaking and expecting things. Women will steer clear from that.

AniqueAkhtar · 2019-09-09T22:57:54+00:00

Mistakes were made. The guy was too hot and the "misogynist radar" readings were ignored for hypergamy!

sparksjoy · 2019-09-10T00:16:38+00:00

And yet again we come to the difference between anti-social shut-in assholes and lively, sociable assholes. When people talk about women sensing misogyny it's usually in the context of the former. It is far easier to assume hatred/distaste when a person would rather not interact with you like a normal human being at all than it is in a person who actually seems to be interested in you, at least on a surface level.

[deleted] · 2019-09-10T05:39:39+00:00

Women sense it but they don't care because assholes are attractive in many ways.

-OpportunityCost · 2019-09-10T03:36:20+00:00

It's not that they are sensing someone being misogynistic they are projecting thoughts based on first appearance. The halo effect is a real thing and if a woman is being hit on by someone she doesn't deem attractive then she will assume he is a "creep or misogynistic" until proven otherwise. The biggest slayers I know are all pretty misogynistic but they aren't showing it unless they are just hanging out with the guys.

mandoa_sky · 2019-09-10T01:32:06+00:00

because the vast majority of domestic abusers start off acting like normal people / very charming and friendly people.

they then slowly reveal the ugly truth of said abuse over time - see boiling the frog.

i know this from watching my friends date them - and help them deal with the fallout.

Five_Decades · 2019-09-09T23:41:41+00:00

Ted Bundy used his good looks, faking a disability, faking an aristocratic accent, charm, etc. to get women to lower their guard. It worked well for him, he was able to pick up hitchhikers even when everyone knew a serial killer was on the loose.

TheWhispersOfSpiders · 2019-09-09T23:03:38+00:00

You have no idea how many abusive men get rejected for every one that gets through. Most women learn to read the signs, the same way you learned how to read traffic. And for much the same reason.

Other women got their warning system the hard way.

Others lacked that experience, they can learn all the obvious warning signs second hand, but just hearing about it is no substitute. They're going to miss a lot of subtle tells.

I mean, you do realize that most predators have had years to learn how to refine how they hunt, right?

Other times, people just change. Over the course of the relationship, someone you used to read like your favorite book can turn into a complete stranger. Sometimes it's mental illness, sometimes it's their shitty coping skills, or drugs or all 3 and more.

Besides, some lucky people really did know how to find good partners, or are happy without any at all. Not every woman is a survivor of domestic abuse.

boardgaming234 · 2019-09-10T05:40:56+00:00

Society has brainwashed women and men alike to think that the sexes have "superpowers". One of these superpowers is that "women mature faster", and hence have "better intuition". One of the ways this manifests is that "women know when you're a misogynist".

This is all bullshit. Women are just following their instincts. Their gut feeling. It's not magic, it's just experience. Some are less experienced an some more.

Relationships are chaotic. People can just change randomly because of alcohol, stress, grief, etc. You can't predict those sorts of things.

kidink0222 · 2019-09-10T01:27:06+00:00

Misogynist is code for “unattractive”. Women are not turned off by misogynists. The men who are most successful with women are...misogynists

LSTW1234 · 2019-09-09T23:06:52+00:00

What makes you think the women who claim to be able to spot it are the ones being abused? Seems pretty obvious that these are two different groups of women.

SunflowerBurst · 2019-09-10T03:20:48+00:00

I have never in my life heard a women say that sentence that she won’t date a guy because he is misogynist. Have you actually heard this said in real life.

Aaren_Augustine · 2019-09-09T23:06:15+00:00

a lot of women have a martyrdom complex/victim complex. Think of khloe kardashian, her WHOLE life is built around "waahh i was an ugly duckling im always the victim" yet she ALWAYS goes for the same type of guys that cheat on her to fulfill that internal narrative.

people with victim complexes get emotional payout from being the victim. they keep choosing assholes so they can get sympathy rather than looking internally and fixing whatever issues they have. after a certain point, when all your boyfriends treat you like shit, you're the common denominator. people don't like to analyze themselves and fix issues, they take those mental issues and assign roles to people as if they're casting a fucked up movie about their life.

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elephantmemory7 · 2019-09-10T00:54:01+00:00

Things and situations change. Accidents happen, people can develop drug dependencies in the middle of a relationship, mental illnesses can rear their ugly head. Sometimes people’s personalities change, not that I’m saying all situations are like this, obviously most aren’t.

Eastuss · 2019-09-10T07:22:53+00:00

They just sense unattractiveness, social unadjustment and nothing else.

Soupias · 2019-09-11T13:25:15+00:00

I think that a lot of women are over-confident in their abilities to manipulate their partner. I have heard a lot of women say that they don't like certain aspects of the man they date but are optimistic on being able to change those aspects over time. Some women succeed , some fail.

Undead_Chronic · 2019-09-10T03:13:21+00:00

they can sense that a guy is a "misogynist" and that's why they won't date him

Thats bullshit.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2019-09-10T01:02:16+00:00

Domestic abuse actually doesn’t happen very often in the West. And when it does it’s often mutual. Both parties internalize the dysfunctional pattern. Of course the narrative is DV is primarily men hitting women but it’s not backed up with evidence.

It’s mutual in the overwhelming amount of cases. Except with children. Women batter children way more than men there, whereas Men’s dysfunction extends to neglect and abandonment with kids.

Girls choose guys because they want to fuck them. People forgive those they want to fuck more easily than others.

NockerJoe · 2019-09-09T22:53:36+00:00

Congratulations. You just discovered how rationalization works. You want a cookie?

f0e_paw · 2019-09-10T11:21:26+00:00

In my view of relationships, it's always the man's fault. If your woman is acting up or is getting out of pocket it's the man's fault.

Women don't want to win they want a winner. In a relationship the man is the leader, women are looking for a man they can follow. And they continually shit test your ass to make sure you're who you say you are.

Bntt89 · 2019-09-10T12:12:59+00:00

Ya it's just nonsense it's really just women conflating undesirable males with undesirable Male traits and saying these men are bad. It's pretty much the same as me saying women who are ugly are evil and will stalk me or cut off my penis if things dont go their way. Dont take what they say seriously.

Ant1matter8 · 2019-09-10T12:24:04+00:00

It's arrogance and overestimation in their ability which is common in empathic people.

Just the same way women can spot a serial rapist serial killer of 36 women?

mistresswhat · 2019-09-10T18:26:04+00:00

Some people are better at hiding their shittiness than others. Some people are betting at spotting red flags than others. Some people are less good at spotting red flags than they think they are and some people are less good at hiding how much they suck than they think they are.

That's it, that's all of it, stop overthinking it.

decoy88 · 2019-09-10T21:09:22+00:00

Let’s get it straight. Any woman that starts a sentence like “I can sense...” or “I can just tell when...” is chatting a big ‘ole pile of shit.

There is no extra intuition. There is no sixth sense. There is usually only stereotypes that people correctly or incorrectly apply to surface level traits.

And the guys that believe women have these powers are even stupider.

As for the women that get with misogynistic abusers? Some just really don’t care if he’s misogynistic. Many of these women are also extremely sexist themselves

TheMedsPeds · 2019-09-11T04:38:54+00:00

Well that's because there are several types of "bad guys." Misogyny just means a guy that hates women. Misogynists can be incel, weabo neck beard types that stay locked up in their parent's house and 90% of their "social interaction" is on 4chan. But there are also good looking, charismatic, social, manipulative misogynists that are good at attracting and winning over women.

A good portion of men that are abusive are the latter.

escapethesolarsystem · 2019-09-11T20:01:51+00:00

Women often say that they can sense that a guy is a "misogynist" and that's why they won't date him. If women can really sense that a man is trouble from a mile away, how come domestic abuse happens so often?

Because women can't. Either it's a lack of self-awareness or self-deception on the part of the women to think they are so good at understanding men. I have quite a few female friends, and I can often immediately see red-flags in men they are dating (or good traits) that take them weeks or months to notice, or they never notice at all. I am often shocked by how badly they misread what appear to be blindingly obvious signs to me.

Women are actually really, really bad at reading and understanding men at a conscious, intellectual level, they just don't have the self-awareness to realize it. They typically make their judgement entirely on how the man makes them feel (which originates mainly from primal instinct), which doesn't really follow any kind of objective standard of measurement - then they retroactively invent some kind of reasoning to justify their feelings.

reluctantly_red · 2019-09-10T00:02:02+00:00

Domestic abuse doesn't happen that often. Indeed it's very rare outside the lowest classes. Multiple domestic violence court rotations experience speaking.

flamingoinghome · 2019-09-10T01:02:48+00:00

When women say they "sense" a guy is a certain way, it's not like Spidey-senses--it's like, he made a few odd remarks, each of which would have been fine individually but add up to something shady all together. Or they heard some shit from his friends/exes.

Abusers just....don't out themselves as such until they're already in the relationship.

mydikishomofobik · 2019-09-10T03:54:45+00:00

When women say they can detect misogynists, they're full of shit. They routinely chose the most abusive assholes around. I don't give a fuck cause that's their problem, not mine. But their intuition and personality detectors are obviously trash.

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-09-09T23:02:26+00:00

My bad guy radar works perfectly

I sometimes deliberately ignore it bc the amazing experiences are always worth it

No regrets :) :) :)

Violetta311 · 2019-09-10T16:28:03+00:00

Obviously some women can identify the assholes and have the self esteem to avoid them, and some can’t identify the assholes and/ or don’t have the self esteem. We’re not all the same despite what some ppl say...

[deleted] · 2019-09-10T17:57:51+00:00

Stop buying into things women say to unattractive men as an excuse of why he isn't getting any dates.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-09-10T18:27:54+00:00

are you stupid or just playing dumb?

abusive men are never abusive from the start. they have a loving persona they crafted just for you. they entrap women once pregnant or in some other trap-like situation, like when the woman is financially dependent on him.

and it is never her fault, mind you. the abuser is to blame, not the victim.

deathhandmachiavelli · 2019-09-10T19:27:20+00:00

Women don't chose a man based on whether or not he is a "misogynist," they pick a man based on his GENETIC QUALITY.

If a woman senses that a man has great genes, is attractive and powerful, than whether or not they sense the man is in trouble becomes irrelevant.

Triadfamilyties · 2019-09-11T11:47:17+00:00

Domestic abuse happens because people lie dude.

There are more than one type of bad dude. The type you're talking about, the kind who gets radared, is the dude who openly has some fucked up ideas about how men and women should relate. The dude who often doesn't know that his views and actions are anywhere from problematic to abusive. There are lots of men like this in the world. Manchild is absolutely a specific description of a specific type of guy who has the uncontrolled emotional reactions of a kid and who thinks that his emotions are "right" and that people should bow to them in some way irl.

Predators are an entirely separate kind of bad dude. Not all predators are pedophiles. I feel like we do not talk about this enough on the internet but there are tons of predatory people in the world who are not attracted to children and who exclusively prey on other adults.

These predators are the ones who lure people into relationships with one set of behavior and then slowly condition someone to accept abuse. I know lots of girls who have been hit in relationships who describe the physical abuse not starting until a year or two into the relationship. Lots of girls who have been in relationships with older narcissists who knew all the right things to say to a 20 year old woman and it wasn't until she was 23 that she got struck for the first time, when she was married to him and had a kid after 2 years of dating and it all seemed pretty reasonable to her until she was actually trapped.

This shit happens in real life and real life predators will spend years intertwining their lives and locking someone down before they show their true colors. How do abusive relationships happen? Because the vast majority of them are coming from people who need to abuse someone in their lives and are looking for someone who will let them, who can be conditioned or broken to allow it.

Bad guy radar doesn't work on narcissists. Narc radar is different. Something you usually only develop if you've lived with one and start to get an intuitive sense of the patterns.

poppy_blu · 2019-09-10T00:13:23+00:00

Clearly some women can, some women can’t. And some women can and don’t care (pretty sure women can be misogynists too). And more have low self esteem and date misogynists for a number of reasons. A lot of it comes down to experience.

I think DV is a little different. Relationships that involve DV often involve co-dependence, anger issues, outside stressors, etc. I don’t know that it’s misogyny that makes a man beat his wife. If he didn’t have a wife he’d probably be beating the dog. It’s not about his views on women a lot of times as much as his need to reclaim power and control over his life by abusing people who are weaker. Disclaimer: this is a western perspective. I think we have some posters here from countries where men are encouraged to beat their wives to keep them in line.

PrehistoricPrincess · 2019-09-10T05:21:48+00:00

Several reasons.

Not every woman has "bad guy radar." Some women are completely oblivious.
Some women ignore red flags and gut feelings because they have zero self esteem and might be willing to make excuses for assholery.
A few men (although they are rare) are exceedingly talented at hiding their true colors without a single hitch until they've got their next victim hooked and already deep in love, at which point--if the woman is, again, insecure/desperate enough--she may stay with him anyway.

If women can really sense that a man is trouble and decide to go with him anyway, isn't it kinda her fault when things go south?

This is a moral question. Different people will give you different answers. Personally, I would consider the woman to be somewhat at fault if the man has already given off red flags and she chooses to ignore them.

I'm also going to add, as other people have said, that "misogynist radar" is a specific type of "bad guy radar" and you need to understand that distinction. Misogynists are usually easier to spot than, say, a domestic abuser or psychopath. An abusive man isn't always a misogynist--just like an abusive woman isn't always a misandrist. Usually the sexist is easier to spot than the person who is skilled at deceiving and manipulating people, i.e. the experienced abuser.

strangerthaaang · 2019-09-10T01:29:39+00:00

I think that often people who are victims of abuse are (maybe unknowingly) attractive to the familiarity.

Tomatoccino · 2019-09-10T06:19:41+00:00

Some girls are better at spotting the signs that a person is trouble than others. We’re not a hivemind.

exit_sandman · 2019-09-10T08:41:09+00:00

If women can really sense that a man is trouble from a mile away, how come domestic abuse happens so often?

Confirmation bias and/or because they're full of shit.

Ryzasu · 2019-09-10T09:56:24+00:00

Women don't often say that. Only a relatively small group of Inceltears karmawhores say that

ontherailstoday · 2019-09-10T04:35:04+00:00

It isn't a 100% thing. You might be 80% sure that guy looking at you odd from across the room is going to come over and make trouble. Or 20% sure that the reason the guy who got off the bus behind you is walking behind you is he's interested in following you and bothering you. Or 99% sure if you date the same asshole who made trouble for one of your friends when he dated that other girl in your class, he'll make trouble for you.

You gotta understand... and I know that you're probably a male and therefore a bit developmentally retarded about certain social dynamics... you gotta understand that nobody owes you social or sexual opportunities if they don't like the downside risk... and you also gotta understand that the only obligation they have to anyone in making these risk assessments is the obligation to themselves and their family. They aren't obliged to give you chances to ruin anything. Not obliged to invite you, not obliged to let you in. And even then yes sometimes they do let someone in the shouldn't have but that's just an argument for getting even stricter isn't it, and locking you out even more if you're the least bit creepy or have nothing to recommend you. You're not going to help yourself by arguing for that.

This is one of the reasons why in society it is vital to cultivate some sort of social/sexual capital. That way when someone is asking themselves "shall I even bother with this guy/gal?" there's something on the plus side as well as the minus. if you can't cultivate some form of social/sexual capital then you need to get damn used to doing without. It is also why if you have capital you become more capable of choosing to lock people out based upon less and less actual evidence they are a risk. Of course there's people letting in other people they think are a risk, that happens... sometimes it happens because people learn to pretend not to be a risk, often it happens because if someone has very little sexual or social capital they need to take more risks if they want people in their lives.

zerofeetpersecond · 2019-09-10T11:57:59+00:00

In a way, I think that people just don’t vet their partners well. Halo effect is absolutely real, and while I understand that people might not show who they are in the beginning, the abusers who always get that chance are usually attractive looking people. The only time I might see an average or ugly abuser is when the woman is fat. I think that people can just be blinded by an attractive person, men do it all the time, is it that hard to expect that women do it too? That the fact women didn’t look at the red flags because a dude that is attractive is showing interest?

Ascimator · 2019-09-10T17:43:42+00:00

If men don't want to pay for women any longer then why camgirls????

Title	Bad guy radar
Author	Blonsomio
Upvotes	67
Comments	149
Date	September 9, 2019 10:50 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/d1yk44/bad_guy_radar/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/bad-guy-radar.253973 https://theredarchive.com/post/253973

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