Discussion for all: Would you allow yourself to become an ONS or a "plate"?

wtknight · 2017-11-13T13:20:04+00:00

Once I was no longer a virgin and finding a woman who actually wanted to have sex with me was no longer some holy grail for me, I had no desire for a ONS or for casual sex at all.

SlimLovin · 2017-11-13T13:53:58+00:00

Nah. I've been a bit of a serial monogamist since I was in high school. I'm 31 now, and still not keen on the bullshit that comes with supposedly meaningless sexual encounters. I'd rather have trust before engaging in sexual activity. Makes it much more enjoyable for both parties, imo.

Electra_Cute · 2017-11-13T13:02:26+00:00

The last boy that I was with, I guess I was technically his "plate", the only reason why I tolerated it was because it was senior year in high school, I was graduating and moving away, I know for a fact that he was seeing other girls. I would not make myself a forever plate waiting for some male to commit to me while he is out there with 3 other girls.

sublimemongrel · 2017-11-13T14:04:22+00:00

God no, a plate is the equivalent of beta bux or beta orbiter. Shitty situation. I suppose if you just want sex it would be fine, like a FWB situation. But I’ve never been into causal sex so it’s a no for me, either way.

haunting-you · 2017-11-13T13:40:11+00:00

if i were single, not knowingly, no. seems like a bunch of risks involved in that that i’d rather not take, and there are other ways to have fun, lighthearted, non-serious interactions with men. i can appreciate the non-serious aspect of it; there are other ways of feeling that, though.

333i · 2017-11-13T13:37:54+00:00

I was kind of flattered actually when my friend told me one of his girlfriends wanted to fuck me. I was rolling on E when I met her at his party, so more energetic and bold than usual. He said, "No offense , she isn't looking for a relationship, she just wants to have sex with you." Lol, no offense taken! This was weeks later though and I never took her up on the offer

rainisthelife · 2017-11-13T14:26:06+00:00

Nah, he’s gotta work for it. With effort and with commitment. It’s the only way he’ll appreciate and respect me. Otherwise I’m providing a benefit and essentially getting nothing back. No man is worth that shit. Not even the Alphafas.

darla10 · 2017-11-13T15:48:01+00:00

Plates have been known to graduate to wives. It’s a gamble but if you are going after a highly desirable man, accepting plate status strategically isn’t always a mistake, especially in today’s SMP. The trick is to make sure, after he’s gotten sufficiently smitten with you, to rescind your exclusivity (if he refuses to offer his to you) so he believes you will henceforth be seeing other men, even if you aren’t. This will create some cognitive dissonance and make him very uncomfortable. If he keeps you as plate, you’ll fall out of love with him, if he claims you as his woman, you (both) win. Either way it creates a resolution. But it’s like making a soufflé; timing is everything. It isn’t foolproof but it worked for me.

Regarding ONS: they are usually blah and not worth it.

alby333 · 2017-11-13T14:06:04+00:00

Plate? Nope I’m no.1 or gtfo I’ve had the odd ons though they were rare generally if I like someone enough to fuck I’ll date them

Afroaway002 · 2017-11-13T16:06:49+00:00

I don't see what so bad about being a plate or ONS. As long as you're not interested in an LTR there shouldn't be any problem.

DemonConsulting · 2017-11-13T13:18:17+00:00

No I would not knowingly choose to become a “plate“ and I am not interested in ONS/ casual sex. I strongly value monogamy in a relationship and need a lot of trust/ “comfort“ to have sex with someone. I also like to have my relationships clearly established, expectations, boundaries and all, so if the guy in question isn't on the same page as me (monogamous committment to an LTR with the goal of marriage and children), that would be an immediate next.

That is to say, it never happened to me - my (now) husband and I both wanted the same thing and it worked out great so far.

RockinSocksII · 2017-11-13T13:39:00+00:00

ONS, sure. Plate, no

storffish · 2017-11-13T14:54:48+00:00

FWB arrangements are my favorite form of relationship right now, so of course not. when I'm casually seeing multiple girls I don't have the time or energy to care who they're seeing and when, I can only assume I'm one of several. if I'm casually seeing only one girl the same rule applies. if and when I want to get exclusive with her I expect the same.

goatismycopilot · 2017-11-13T15:31:23+00:00

I wish the dudes who are into ONS and the chicks who are could form some woo hoo club and do one another. I thought that was what Tinder was for but apparently it has evolved.

mightythistle · 2017-11-13T15:49:36+00:00

Never have, never will. I lost my virginity to the guy I ultimately married, and that was after I had already decided that I wanted to marry him one day. I understand that not everybody feels this way about sex, but I would never have sex outside of a committed relationship.

LewisCross · 2017-11-13T15:50:09+00:00

Sure, I'd have a ONS with a woman as long as she was good looking enough and I was feeling sufficiently horny. Assuming I wasn't married. Women's "plates" are really just fuckbuddies or friends with benefits, though.

philomexa · 2017-11-13T16:00:03+00:00

LOLOL no. Call it inflated self importance, but my pussy is worth more than some random nut receptacle.

Relationship or GTFO. The idea of sleeping with a man outside the confines of a steady relationship makes my skin crawl.

KerPop42 · 2017-11-13T16:44:02+00:00

If they're hot but we don't have much in common or don't expect to see each other again? Sure. But usually if I found someone I had a good time with I'd want to be regular with them rather than trying to find another ONS, you know?

DopeMeme_Deficiency · 2017-11-13T17:04:54+00:00

How would you know if you were a plate? Maybe the guy is reluctant to rush into a relationship after his last horrible experience. Maybe after date two the attraction is there and you sleep together, you really like him, but he isn't ready to commit. Do you just leave? Or do you try to lock him down? Say you spend three or four months coming over a couple times a week, you order food in, watch movies, laugh, play, and fuck, then go about your lives, texting each other a few times a day and with cute gm/gn messages... And all of the sudden he ghosts! Wtf!?! Maybe he didn't have issues with commitment, and you were just his plate the whole time. How would you know?

Enosspick · 2017-11-14T01:17:45+00:00

I am right now.

Basically she/i come over/go over sometimes spend the night sometimes leave.

I have two FWB and a handful of off and on.

As a guy this is my pinnacle dating experience, literally having a girlfriend would be a downgrade. Right now i spend zero money on these girls, all i have to do is give good dick and keep working out.

Emotional shit i get from my boys/bromances and my dog.

Basic thing is this

1 be attractive

2 keep negative emotions to an extreme minimum IE never.

3 make friends with girls but always talk about sex, or get the conversation sexual, I’m a sexual degenerate who’s into all sorts of shit i let them know it.

4: if you really don’t give a shit, when she asks, “what do you want in your future,” picture in your minds eye the perfect girl then go on about how you want to meet someone and do xyz trips and then give her the whole family splurge. Basically make her visualize her being there with you, all of this shit post sex. Oh and moderate emotional push pull, so cuddly shit, make dinners every so often all that shit, take her on something you usually do. Then drop “what nah i thought we’re just friends”. Make her fall in love with you while keeping it casual.

Always be Fucking more than one girl even if you don’t want to keeps you from getting oneitis

Ezaar · 2017-11-13T13:05:29+00:00

says_harsh_things · 2017-11-13T14:08:59+00:00

Ive been used for short term sex. Didnt have a problem with it.

NOTSM · 2017-11-13T14:24:23+00:00

have another person hold me in such contempt that I'd become either an ONS or a plate.

This idea that plate spinning is the man being disrespectful and manipulative is really far off base.

Most of my one night stands and flings knew what was up and were looking for the exact same thing. Feelings almost inevitably got involved later but at the beginning we were both on the same page and I didn't hold them in "contempt." In fact I actually really liked most of my flings, just not enough to date them at the time.

buartha · 2017-11-13T15:01:43+00:00

I would never enter into a situation like that out of choice, but if I'd been a little less inhibited in my late teens I could easily have gotten into that sort of arrangement because I wasn't really familiar with the sort of ill fated promises guys will make to get you into bed (I don't say 'lies' because I think some guys don't necessarily have bad intentions until they climax and do a mental 180.)

In fact, if I hadn't been lucky enough that my partner took an interest in me after we started sleeping together that's likely what would have happened rather than my current relationship. So I do sympathise with people in that situation, I can see why it would be hard to break away once feels have been established, especially with the sex giving false hope.

crackrocksteady7 · 2017-11-13T15:19:23+00:00

That's all I go for

PhucCheet · 2017-11-13T15:59:14+00:00

Why does being a ONS have to be a contemptuous thing? Women use men for ONS too. Some women "plate" too (sleep with multiple guys without wanting to commit to one yet), especially in college. Are you assuming all those women hold those men in contempt?

For you, you're obviously not OK with it, which is fine. Don't have more ONS then. It's very easy to avoid! But why do you assume it's contemptuous for others?

goatismycopilot · 2017-11-13T16:50:41+00:00

I wouldn't mind like a hockey boyfriend/plate to go see some games with.

HarpyMaster · 2017-11-13T16:51:28+00:00

ONS or a plate is the only role I allow myself to be in. LTRs and similar arrangements don't fly with me. Casual ftw.

FrontierPsycho · 2017-11-13T17:19:36+00:00

I don't think a ONS is insulting, if it's a conscious choice by consenting adults, who happened to be in a situation where sex felt like it would be a fun thing to do. I'd have a ONS if it felt good with someone. Especially someone I met in circumstances that couldn't repeat themselves, like a trip, a visit or something like that.

I don't know much about being a plate, and I'm polyamorous, so I don't mind people being with other people while they are also seeing me, as long as they are open and honest, and treat me respectfully.

passepar2t · 2017-11-13T17:22:26+00:00

Pretty sure I was always ONS or a plate with every one of my partners. I'm totally fine with it. A guy's gotta get laid somehow and if she doesn't have to be exclusive, neither do I.

notworthmuch20xx · 2017-11-13T17:24:14+00:00

Women rarely if ever spin plates. Like if some chick was trying to string me along for sex with hopes of a relationship, that would be a nonsensical scenario.

SpaceWhiskey · 2017-11-13T17:25:13+00:00

I had a ONS that I knew was a ONS and was fine with it. I’ve also been involved in FWB situations where we were both also talking to and seeing other people, so I guess we were each other’s plates. What’s important is that in those instances, I was getting what I wanted from the situation. I would not tolerate being someone’s plate if what I actually wanted from someone was exclusivity. I did that once when I was young and stupid, because I thought if I could just be nice enough, good enough to him he’d want to become exclusive. I know better now, if I’m not getting what I want I’m out.

nonnimoose · 2017-11-13T17:40:35+00:00

I think one chooses to have a ONS rather than "allowing themselves" to become one. I didn't do ONS's but it's hard to imagine that people who do have them go into it thinking that it is the start of a relationship, only to find out that their partner ONS-ed them.

OTOH, I did unwittingly allow myself to become a plate. I dated a guy that had a lot of ex-girlfriends that he still spent time with on occasion. "Just as friends," he said. At the time I just thought he was a really crappy boyfriend. All these years later I now see he wasn't even my boyfriend! I had been rotated into main plate status while he kept spinning the other plates. Of course I deserved better! After I broke up with him he would still try to come by "as friends."

Contradict-- · 2017-11-13T18:44:59+00:00

Does anyone else feel that no matter what, come hell or high water, they deserve better than to be an ONS or a "plate" and are fed up with people offering them that role?

Deserve is a subjective word. You get what people want to give you, and the only way to change their offering price is to better meet their wants and desires.

As soon as I was made aware of the role I opted out.

That's a good start. You'll either figure out what it takes to get better offers or you'll settle eventually settle for it. I'd recommend the former.

damaskrose · 2017-11-13T18:56:24+00:00

No, but most plates don't know they're plates. Not really the same as "allowing" it.

Butt-Factory · 2017-11-13T19:04:10+00:00

I have before and theoretically would again. I think it's interesting that you assume you can't have respect for someone if you have casual sex with them. I wanted casual sex, they wanted casual sex, we had casual sex. Simple as that. Not wanting a committed relationship with someone doesn't mean I find them fundamentally unworthy or undeserving of respect

Entropy-7 · 2017-11-13T19:30:24+00:00

I have never spun plates and I would not be comfortable being a plate. OTOH I have no compunctions about one night stands as long as both of us express a bit of honesty about the situation.

Been there, done that, on three continents and no regrets.

GoldPilot · 2017-11-13T21:07:54+00:00

Sure. If I was attracted to a woman and she wanted to have sex with me for whatever reason with no strings attached, I'd be down for it.

That's how the majority of sex in my life as happened. At a party, chatted with a woman, I by some miracle got the cue that she was open for sex, we did it, then we either went our separate ways or chatted occasionally afterwards.

Never led to anything, but it was fun and they were cool.

IckyStickyPoo · 2017-11-13T21:43:25+00:00

If I'm having sex with a man, he may not have sex with anyone else. Those are my rules.

So, no, I cannot be plated.

ivegotsomequestions0 · 2017-11-13T22:08:21+00:00

If the sex was really good, and I believed that the guy didn't hold a negative opinion of me beyond "don't quite feel the romantic connection," and I believed that he wasn't secretly judging me for my sexual behavior, then sure. However, the first one has always been hard to come by, and after reading enough red pill it's become apparent to me that the other two requirements probably wouldn't be met either.

DagonNaxos · 2017-11-14T03:09:03+00:00

I try not to be the stand-ee, but these days it just seems like how women work. Truth be told, I'd like to find something more solid, but with work and travel and hobbies and all the other stuff I have going on, it seems like all I get are random opportunities for ONSs. I used to detest them. Now, I think I've accepted it as "normal."

un-candid-vestibule · 2017-11-14T06:32:41+00:00

"It feels almost like being spit on." I feel you.

FairlyNaive · 2017-11-14T08:03:40+00:00

Im perfectly okay beeing a fwb

CattyKit7 · 2017-11-13T13:30:19+00:00

Depending on what the plate entails. I like sex too. I like going out for a drink. I like getting out of my house. I like sexting. But I'm a married woman in an open marriage. I hate Terps though. I fuck betas and generally end up having longer, fulfilling "relationships" with them.

GroovyEFS · 2017-11-13T13:48:36+00:00

I mean plate is just a spergy term for FWB isn't it? I'd be down for that sure.

ONS I'm less keen on, they make me feel depressed after.

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goatismycopilot · 2017-11-13T13:17:58+00:00

Nope. Not gonna do ONS or be a plate. First hint I am out.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2017-11-13T16:15:37+00:00

It's happened before but it won't happen again.

MagicGainbow · 2017-11-13T18:32:25+00:00

The whole OP comes off like some choosy beggar stuff, it also doesn't address the fact that people can be busy, just want a ONS/something casual.

theiamsamurai · 2017-11-13T15:09:36+00:00

I think being taken through a serial monogamy "Ohhh I feel it - Ohhh I don't feel it" cycle, as most women tend to do to men, to use him for the tingly feeling, then discarding him, is way way way worse than being a plate or an ONS.

Doom_and-Gloom · 2017-11-13T15:33:17+00:00

This was meant to be a Q4Women, right?

Title	Discussion for all: Would you allow yourself to become an ONS or a "plate"?
Author	tempuserthrowaway5
Upvotes	16
Comments	239
Date	November 13, 2017 12:55 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7cmw3m/discussion_for_all_would_you_allow_yourself_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/discussion-for-all-would-you-allow-yourself-to.264890 https://theredarchive.com/post/264890

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