Guys complaining about no dates/marriage perspective. Do you realize how cool is being single?

MongoBobalossus · 2023-12-10T16:35:56+00:00

“My marriage sucks, a rant in 10 paragraphs”

🙄

yellowho · 2023-12-10T16:34:49+00:00

I'm sure men who struggle with dating have heard this all the time. "Be grateful, it could be worse" and chances are they have tried that approach but there are men who want children/ life partner.

It's not like they have a choice between single or being in a relationship because as you say they don't get dates. They're only option is to deal with it and be grateful. Also side note not all women want or need those things, come on.

EulenWatcher · 2023-12-10T17:00:21+00:00

That's a lot of words to say you and your partner have different spending and saving patterns and you didn't consider it prior marrying/cohabitation. There are enough couples who don't have this problem or who can find compromises working for both of them.

It's especially fun to ready when you were a breadwinner and you're stingier with money than your partner. I also know several other women in a similar situation.

krackedy · 2023-12-10T16:10:23+00:00

Or just marry a woman who also works and is smart with money.

Planthoe30 · 2023-12-10T17:11:41+00:00

Why are you using a debate sub to complain about women? What is even the debate here?

januaryphilosopher · 2023-12-10T17:14:35+00:00

You're confusing men's needs with women's wants. Men would also generally want more than to live a sparse lifestyle with no nice things. If they're investing money they want to invest to spend it on something, not just to look at piles of money sitting there while they get no more than their annual packet of pants. Women can also get by without anything fancy they might want.

wtknight · 2023-12-10T16:49:09+00:00

It's not cool being single unless one has some guy friends who are also single. Most human beings crave some kind of contact with each other.

Even worse, many men crave physical contact, which they most likely don't get by being single unless they spend money on prostitutes.

totallyworkinghere · 2023-12-10T16:07:10+00:00

You assume a lot about what women want. And yet you apparently can't conceive that a woman might make more than you?

If you're happy being single, then that's great, but it doesn't mean your views on women are anywhere near correct

MasterTeacher123 · 2023-12-10T18:03:26+00:00

Being single only sucks when you don’t have consistent pussy from some where. A lot of guys stay in crappy relationships because they are scared of dry spells

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2023-12-11T02:08:06+00:00

Being single is only better when you have the context and experience from a bad relationship. Perpetually single men do not have this. All they have are feelings of loneliness and inadequacy.

Pitiful_Many3583 · 2023-12-10T16:18:05+00:00

This only really applies to women who desire to be ‘kept’ and I would guess a woman heavily invested in her social media accounts.

Pick different women with different outlooks.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-12-10T16:43:17+00:00

Ladies, do you realize how much of your money men spend every year??

From which you need: food, a few outfits and shoes every year. Maybe a new purse.

He needs:

New truck, every two or three years, so the truck payments don't really ever stop. Don't forget the off road tires and lift kit, which does wonders for your fuel and insurance bill
Steak, all the time. And not just cheap cuts like sirloin, we're talking ribeye and filet, plus wagyu at least once a year.
The electronics. Lawdy the electronics. New gaming console every few years (likely multiple consoles since he's going to want to play each console's exclusives), then tack on the 4k/120Hz TV, nice sound system, monthly subscription fees so he can play online, and a dozen or so games a year, and that's just console gaming. Now add on a high end graphics card every years along with the latest monitors.
Housekeeping. He's going to need to pay someone to do his laundry, dishes, clean his bathroom cook his food, that ain't cheap.

Haha just kidding, you'll end up doing that for free.

Sporting events at least a few times a year. Astronomical ticket prices, processing fees, parking, the exorbitant food costs at the venue, and of course he's going to want a jersey for whoever is the superstar player this year

purplish_possum · 2023-12-10T16:13:15+00:00

Only marry women who have college degrees and good careers. Problem solved.

IllustriousDinner130 · 2023-12-10T16:15:23+00:00

You can pretty much do all these things with a partner if you want. Hell it’d probably be easier

Disastrous_Choice_89 · 2023-12-10T16:45:44+00:00

If you have no interest in starting a family or being with someone you love, this is great advice. You certainly will have more money to distract yourself with material possessions. But then you’ll die alone, unloved, and forgotten, and that wealth won’t mean a thing.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-12-10T16:56:01+00:00

As a lifelong singleton I'm pretty happy with my lifestyle.

Tywinlol · 2023-12-10T18:23:51+00:00

I agree being single is great, I really enjoy bachelor lifestyle personally, the problem is that many men believe that their happiness is supposed to be derived from family, wife and kids. Society promotes this lie and encourages men to spend money on females and seek companionship and approval from them, there is also some biology there. It takes a lot to overcome that programming.

Plus we also tend to idolize something we don't have which why so many men chase after relationships that make their lives more complicated, expensive and difficult. And also supposedly free sex.

Once you realize that vast majority of Western females are indeed just females not women, hardly capable of love, decency and many other good qualities, it becomes so much easier to dismiss them and to live life just for your own benefit, without regard for them and their useless company. Sadly many men never reach this point.

bottleblank · 2023-12-10T18:28:27+00:00

I'd like to refer to the song Common People by Pulp.

It's written from the perspective of a working class man, who has struggled and continues to struggle in life, who meets a woman from a wealthy family who seems to want to "slum it" and live the experience of being poor, as a kind of "class tourist". She thinks it's "cool", as though it's a lifestyle choice, or an aesthetic, because it's a foreign experience, it's a novelty, a fun break from the norm for her.

But, as the song states:

Rent a flat above a shop,
Cut your hair and get a job,
Smoke some fags and play some pool,
Pretend you never went to school

Still you'll never get it right,
'cos when you're laying in bed at night,
Watching roaches climb the wall,
If you called your dad he could stop it all, yeah

You'll never live like common people,
You'll never do whatever common people do,
You'll never fail like common people,
You'll never watch your life, slide out of view

And then dance, and drink, and screw,
Because there's nothing else to do...

Now, to clarify: I'm not comparing "not having a girlfriend" to "being too broke to live", I'm not making some political statement, I'm not highlighting that he's a man and she, the wealthy person who wouldn't understand, is a woman.

What I'm trying to point to is the experience which cannot be traded. The meaning of the song, as a whole; the sentiment that no matter how much she tries, pretends, plays at, or thinks she's seeing what it's like to live as a poor person; a broke, lower class person, who has lived with having no money, who has lived without true freedom, without security and stability, without the ability to do whatever they wish because they can afford it and knowing that if they fail there will be no consequences, she will never truly know what that feels like. It's acting, it's playing, it's a no-stakes game, it's a superficial mimicry of the truth of being forced to live that way.

The point of all this, in relation to the OP, is that those who can and do find it relatively easy to form relationships cannot understand the experience of going through life as single, as unendingly lonely, as intimacy/touch/sex-deprived, even as socially-deprived, as those of us who grew up perpetually ostracised, rejected, and isolated.

(The irony of the song's protagonist talking about poor people screwing because there's nothing else to do is not lost on me, but again that's not what I'm pointing to.)

Pretending, or trying to relate it to "that time I was single for two years", doesn't capture the feeling, the mental health impact, the hopelessness, the pain of feeling as though you will never escape that "have not" state, just like "oh dear, I forgot to eat today, I'm starving" doesn't capture the day to day experience of being unable to fix that when you realise you stomach is cramping from not having anything to digest.

It's insulting to those who do experience a life of struggle, misery, disadvantage, and never having enough to truly live, that somebody can just trot along out of nowhere, who's had that kind of freedom and comfort, who's had that kind of agency and experience, to say "oh man, I don't know what you're complaining about, having all this stuff sucks".

tl;dr: "Rich person telling a homeless person how much of a drag it is to have to dress up smart and eat expensive steaks and rich, lavish desserts all the time", but I wanted to be a little less sarcastic and dismissive and relate it to a piece of media which millions of people, for 30 years, have respected the hell out of for capturing and saying out loud the very sense I'm trying to convey.

fucksiclepizza · 2023-12-10T20:14:41+00:00

I think your marriage may be unique, I'm married too and my wife doesn't expect all that crap.

Philip8000 · 2023-12-10T20:17:53+00:00

This comes across as a wealthy person telling a poor person: "Money isn't that important!"

Relationships are a lot of work; they aren't all sunshine and rainbows. They don't always end well. Yet this is far easier to say when you have the experience, when you have companionship. By and large, men and women are usually happier in a relationship than not.

Being isolated, being alone for a long period of time... it's brutal in ways that's hard to describe for those who haven't experienced it. It's very different than: "been single for 2 years, didn't lose my virginity until I was 21" examples that are often given. Imagine spending most of your life alone, unloved, ignored, cast aside. We saw the impact during covid: people suffering depression, resorting to booze and drugs, even suicidal feelings because they were isolated for a few weeks/months. Imagine what a lifetime does.

Contrary to what I see here, most men do not endure this. Most find relationships, love, intimacy, friendship, affection, etc. However, for the few who don't, this is essentially spitting in their face. It's often dismissed as nothing, and treated as a moral failing if it eats at you.

ChiBron86 · 2023-12-10T20:54:49+00:00

Once you become attractive enough to attain casual sex/fwb, relationships/marriage simply don't seem worth it. Life is so much better without having to take every step of your life keeping another person(s) in mind. Sounds harsh but women can be a massive drain on your freedom, finances and mental health, with very little upside (kids to take care of you in old age is honestly the only upside). Yes, that includes the "right" women too, because honeymoon periods are short and relationships require constant work after that. I only prefer working when I'm at work and getting paid. The rest of my life I prefer being as carefree and stress free as possible. And that ain't happening when you are bound to another person.

Of course, most of this only applies to men who CAN get women. I can see why those who can't yearn so much for female company.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-12-12T01:35:34+00:00

You picked a shitty woman. Your type is vapid materialistic women. The super attractive woman who gives you "the tingles." More normal looking, stable, boring women dont need what she needs, but you wouldn't go for them clearly. Sorry your taste is so poor and your vetting sucks 😆

CryptoThroway8205 · 2023-12-12T03:57:48+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChP1j41omlE

Thought of this thread when I saw this. Not a jab at you op!

CryptoThroway8205 · 2023-12-10T16:15:46+00:00

Unfortunately our brains are wired to want relationships.

CountMandrake · 2023-12-11T01:42:58+00:00

Oh absolutely, women are very expensive.

Not that I do not enjoy their company or anything, but I remember when I was with my ex-fiancee and we went on holidays, the whole trip would cost me at least one salary.

We had to book in confourtable hotels, we had to go on planed hikes and to touristic places, we did pretty much everything together and I had little to no head space or time to relax or do things I enjoyed, and of course she had to buy always something to bring back to their family and what not. On top of that, mobility was always complicated, and I had to do way more logistic.

All in all, we spent a good time together, but I'm not kidding when I tell you it was like travelling around pulling a dead weight.

I went on vacations alone this year, and dude those were the most amazing vacations I've gone to.

Now listen this, because it's going to make you laugh your ass off.

I just got up one morning at 5AM and started packing.

It took me an hour to make the bags, get on my Shadow Spirit 750cc, get to the gas station and then head to the highway.

In 20 days I traveled around the five provinces of argentinian Patagonia, crossed Los Andes to the South of Chile and back.

This is the equivalent of travelling around 7 to 10 european countries mind you.

I camped near rivers, at the base of the mountain, in beautiful woods, I cooked fish I myself fished (awesome fish kid you fucking not, with rise and salsa).

I went hardcore hiking/climbing, which would have been impossible to do with a girlfriend unless she's one of those rare girls who enjoy climbing, is super trained and do it often you know.

My bike broke TWICE. Once in the middle of nowhere, and I saw a fucking PUMA near the road!

Imagine being with your woman stuck in the middle of nowhere and seing a puma roaming the hills.

What did I do? I just went to my bike, put on my leather jacket and pulled a big sharped knife, and waited there for the first truck that came along.

Luckily, the trucker had a box of tools and helped me unlock the chain from the joint.

I LOVE truckers dude. These folks always have a solution for your problems, motherf*kers born ready.

When I came back from my trip, 20 days later, I was thinking about it you know...

I did an amazing and long travel of 20 days and visited 37 (if I'm counting well) cities and small towns alone with at best 20-25% of what would have costed me to go with a girl 10 days to the same region and visit only one province.

And that's why I'm single since I broke up with my ex fiancee four years ago.

You see, women are amazing, and their company is gold, but they make you slower in life, and what they offer in terms of, lets say, productivity in return of what they cost is not really impactfull in your life, and you would be better off hiring other people to do that job.

I've learned that, despite what women claim you know that they do more housechores and that men need them more than they need men, women are not really useful apart from... Well, being women, and they cost WAY too much, and make your logistics in your daily life a lot more important than if you were on your own.

So basically, women are for company, sex and children (if you want children, I don't), but all those things come at a high cost.

I admit that two of the girls I'm seing now who are stunningly hot are girls I would like to keep around despite their cost, but most women out there are not worth the time, effort, energy and money needed to keep them to your side 24/7.

Lost_My-Name · 2023-12-10T17:22:30+00:00

OP, what's stopping you from being single?

Aggravating-Plant695 · 2023-12-10T16:57:36+00:00

One of the few intelligent posts here, this guy gets it, everyone wants to be with someone, but its not what guys think it is, the grass is greener on the other side effect.

Women are huge drain on your emotions, income, and most importantly your peace. There is a derogatory saying, that goes, you dont pay a prostitute for her services, your paying her to leave.

Learn to enjoy the solitude instead, have some friends and hobbies, and on occasion, something casual on the side, marriage and relationships are not worth it at this point in our history

Steakman1 · 2023-12-10T17:15:45+00:00

Of the five things you mention that she needs, 2 you can also directly benefit from in some way. Going to nice restaurants is probably something you will be doing with her, and traveling you will also likely be with her. If these are out of your budget, then you should be looking for other experiences to create with your wife. It is not as though once you get married you no longer need to go on dates. And then with anniversary gifts, you may not have use for the gift you get her. But she is also getting you a gift right?

It seems like you potentially are in the mindset that you need to always be the main beneficiary. Oftentimes what brings us the most fulfillment is the service we give to others. And that goes for both men and women. Yes if you stay single forever, you will have more money for hedonistic pursuits. But that isn’t a very fulfilling life. I would’ve been more on your side if you mentioned things like charity donation or volunteer work as a result of not needing to dedicate time/money to a partner/family.

Just_Natural_9027 · 2023-12-10T16:27:18+00:00

Married men with kids are the happiest demographic in the 18-55 age group range.

BowelMan · 2023-12-11T07:32:01+00:00

"It's not everything if you have it, it's everything if you don't."

Gloomy_Attitude4196 · 2023-12-11T10:36:42+00:00

Guys complaining about no homes perspective. Do you realize how adventurous is being homeless?

Guys complaining about no money perspective. Do you realize how cozy is being poor?

Guys complaining about no food perspective. Do you realize how healthy is being starving?

coping_man · 2023-12-12T14:36:18+00:00

so... how come i dont get a choice to not be single?

tadL · 2023-12-10T16:14:36+00:00

Lucky = no kids. What bullshit are you talking.

Imagine how lucky you are with having the kids but the headache is gone. It's just pure joy every day. At least for me. Single parent father of two young kids.

AutoModerator · 2023-12-10T16:03:12+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2023-12-10T16:03:12+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Novadina · 2023-12-10T18:31:31+00:00

This is a problem with your marriage, but not all marriages are like that. It’s not like there are no frugal women out there.

In my marriage we don’t buy any of that. We prefer useful gifts (and don’t even exchange gifts for every possible holiday) and a fun activity for anniversaries. Eating out is expensive, we prefer to cook together every night. We certainly don’t travel twice a year, in 17 years together we’ve travelled a few times. We are not “short on money often”, we saved together for a house since that was something we wanted, and we would not have been able to do that alone at the time. Working together has enabled us to grow our wealth quite well. Later upgraded to a house in a location we always wanted, where we intend to live the rest of our lives. We want similar things and work together to get them, it’s very helpful having a teammate for shared goals!

Also most men who would not just be happy with car maintenance and jeans their entire life. They absolutely want expensive things like gaming consoles (and a new one every time they make one), a big TV, trucks, motorcycles, a garage full of stuff, a “man cave” filled with collectibles. I have a guy friend who wants to travel all the time, he did when he was single, and does now that he’s in a relationship because she likes it too (and he often still goes alone because she has to work, and she makes more than him). So he found someone compatible, into the same things as him and on the same page with finances.

I have many other couple friends who are similar to us who have financial compatibility. It sounds like you and your wife do not. But that doesn’t mean all marriages are incompatible just because yours is.

EmbarrassedClient283 · 2023-12-10T20:51:13+00:00

I just can't imagine myself being married, if I would of I would probably offed myself by now

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-12-10T21:24:46+00:00

This is a real sad mentality, man. Is having loads of extra money saved up so important to you that you’d prefer that scenario over sharing your life with your and kids? Because that’s what I‘m getting out of your post.

throwaway164_3 · 2023-12-10T16:43:08+00:00

But single men wanna fuck though 😂

I think single + steady supply of casual sex with attractive women may be a good alternative to early marriage

Key-Pineapple-1427 · 2023-12-10T17:24:10+00:00

I don’t mind the other stuff but it’s the always having a trip booked that I don’t miss about being in a relationship

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-12-10T17:26:33+00:00

They don’t until they are divorced and have made amends with the amount of shit they lost.

Electronic_West_1831 · 2023-12-10T18:07:31+00:00

Being single is only “cool” if you want to be single; if you really want to be in a relationship, being told how lucky you are is both patronising and insulting.

Pathosgrim · 2023-12-10T19:31:03+00:00

You married a vapid, westernized woman. That was your 1st mistake.

Safinated · 2023-12-10T19:35:18+00:00

Marry high maintenance, pay for high maintenance

All that stuff is coming only from your earnings ?

boredom4321 · 2023-12-10T21:02:04+00:00

Most of these guys would be broke single or not lol. The guys who have fun being single are the ones who are single by choice. People who are capable of making a lot of money generally aren't so socially inept they can't attract some kind of partner.

Hjelmert · 2023-12-10T21:57:44+00:00

Duh of course being single is better than being in a bad or incompatible relationship, but a great relationship is the best, it enriches your life on another level.

jpla86 · 2023-12-10T22:37:08+00:00

Being single is cool for people who've been in relationships before and can find a new partner with little to no effort if they choose to. Being single is cool for people who can still find casual sex/hookups or a fwb.

People who are happy being single are single by choice.

flextov · 2023-12-10T23:43:11+00:00

I would never marry that woman. I would be thrilled to have kids. Marriage still looks pretty good to me.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-12-11T09:29:23+00:00

It is to expensive to have a wife and family now but if I had the money it would be no problem. I am a man my happiness doesn't come from consuming or spending on myself but to take care of a family and provide. There's really no point in having money outside of this. Its a childish and retarded(literally backwards) mentality for a man to be so concerned about his ability to consume.

Title	Guys complaining about no dates/marriage perspective. Do you realize how cool is being single?
Author	WanabeInflatable
Upvotes	0
Comments	123
Date	December 10, 2023 4:03 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18f6pag/guys_complaining_about_no_datesmarriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/guys-complaining-about-no-datesmarriage.1240418 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240418

Comments