How does womens behaviour change when they get older (30s compared to 20s) and why does it happen?

crookedsummer2019 · 2021-05-24T13:25:18+00:00

I care less about pleasing others for the sake of being liked and I’m much more selective with the kinds of people I let into my life.

I also have less of an ego about things and can admit if I fucked up.

My patience for drama is much lower.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-05-24T13:59:34+00:00

I mean is it really so hard to understand why people tend to figure out what they want and stop playing games as much as they grow up? It takes time and growth to know what you’re looking for and how to get it. So many guys here act like women are full fledged, mature adults by 18 and just want to mess around with hot jerks while maliciously ignoring “nice guys” until they turn 30 and become disgusting and decided to settle for the nice guy who now gets “used goods.” It couldn’t possibly be that people make lots of mistakes in their younger years due to lack of life experience. Because you see, women are not people! /s

And you don’t have to be bad to not be boring. Just don’t be stuck to the couch 24/7.

erik443 · 2021-05-24T13:12:27+00:00

Everyone's behavior change when they grow older. It's not that big of a deal

GrandRub · 2021-05-24T15:13:36+00:00

If you are boring (stable life, job, not going to many events or always being active) then I feel like you are gonna have a hard time as a guy.

a boring guy will always have a hard time finding a woman that is attracted to him... and not his "stability and security" aka. beta buxx.

Stevefr0mYellowstone · 2021-05-24T16:21:41+00:00

The biggest change you will see is that younger women (mid twenties and younger) will generally go more for short term relationships and put a lot more importance on the man's looks (alphas). As a woman gets into her late twenties and thirties, while looks are still extremely important to her, she will also put more importance on providership than she had when she was younger (betas).

The Rational Male: Preventative Medicine is a good book that goes over this topic.

Ihateregistering6 · 2021-05-24T16:38:26+00:00

For starters, it's a little tough to say here because 20s and 30s is very broad. A 21 year old woman is likely going to be very different when she is 29, same as a 31 y/o woman and a 39 y/o woman.

But overall, I always tell people that the most fun I had dating was in my late-20s and early 30s.

By that age, most women know what they want, are less self-conscious and more confident (which leads to much better sex). They are more established in their careers and have had more life experiences, so they're more fun to talk to and can hold a conversation better. By that time, most of them have gotten over being attracted to dumb bullshit ("OMG, he has a Motorcycle and sleeve tattoos, that is so HAWT!"), and they also realize that confidence doesn't really mean anything without something to actually back it up.

Finally, physically, by the time you're late 20s-early 30s, you generally can't skate by on good genetics to look thin and in good shape. So a 31 year old woman who looks fit got that way because she has the discipline to eat well and work out, which usually means she's much more likely to keep that up.

343_peaches_and_tea · 2021-05-24T14:27:42+00:00

They get more confident. They're less self conscious. They get more interesting. Their social skills improve. They have more interesting views on things and can hold a better conversation.

You can tell the older women apart in this sub because their communication is better, their views are better thought out and more nuanced. They're more confident about giving their own perspectives instead of worrying about what others will think.

I don't understand this love for younger women. Women in their 30s are way more attractive.

Snacksbreak · 2021-05-24T13:01:00+00:00

One difference is coming into a sense of power and self determination.

I am less in people pleasing mode and less worried about hurting a date's feelings. I was skittish in my twenties because men didn't respect my boundaries and I had a hard time asserting myself. Now I just tell them directly that pressuring me for sex is a turn off, for example.

Also with age and practice, I have a better sense of what I want and what I don't want. It's easier to spot bad behavior and I'm less inclined to give chances or think up the most generous interpretations.

So there's less nervousness because it's not a high stakes game of figuring out what this flag means. I just decide if I like it or don't and what he "meant" is irrelevant.

yabbobay · 2021-05-24T14:46:09+00:00

For me, self-confidence grew.

thelajestic · 2021-05-24T12:53:16+00:00

So why is that

When people get older they tend to grow up. Not particularly complicated.

SychoNot · 2021-05-24T15:29:25+00:00

They’re much less indecisive and have a pretty good understanding of how they intend to navigate life towards whatever intentions they may have. There’s an all around jump in emotional maturity. I’ve only had flings with older women but one dominant trait that sticks out is how extremely up front they were about everything. No curve balls, no land mines, no games. It’s very noticeable if you go from one to the other.

Christian_Kong · 2021-05-24T22:51:57+00:00

Im heading towards my 40's at this point and:

I think typically around 25-30 people(women and men) get tired of socialization, tired of new experience and get set in their ways. Before that they are usually more open to excitement and spontaneous behavior. This effects dating patterns. No longer do they want to live for the moment or find adventure. They want to go to bed at 10:30 on Friday night and spend their weekend mostly with their hobbies. The chaos of youthful living takes too much energy.

They become know it alls that are rigid in their ideals. As a result more likely to stick to their guns in ideals even when wrong. Like most old people they get stuck in their ways.

They realize that their future is working a shit job they hate for 40-50 years and then they die and start to autopilot their way through life essentially giving up and knowing they are on rails from here on out. The ones who date/get married get their happiness vicariously through their significant other and when that gets boring get their happiness vicariously through children and pets.

I think the catalyst for a lot of this behavior is changing from the belief that they are special and have unlimited potential. The day to day world beats them down to earth. They are just another cog in the system and hit (or near enough to) their potential. There is no gold at the end of the rainbow, and the rainbow was just an illusion.

1Here4Bach · 2021-05-24T13:05:17+00:00

It’s literally just growing up and maturing. Almost everybody does it. It isn’t rocket science.

alberto-hoff · 2021-05-24T16:12:16+00:00

Calmer.

Little or no emphasis on 'popularity'.

Smaller but much tighter group of friends.

More interested in starting a family (possibly panicking depending on how far into their thirties they are)

Sex is better than in the 20s

More confidence.

More effort put into self care (skin needs taking care of, more aware of diet and exercise).

Makes a noise when getting up and out of a chair.

Grand_Duty · 2021-05-25T04:00:41+00:00

Liberals are immature and will always continue to be immature.

GunnzzNRoses · 2021-05-24T13:10:04+00:00

The bigger transistion is from High schooler to adult. Women are much more likely to just approach you and talk to you, something that literally does not happen in High school (or very seldom does).

Men change too in different ways. The abandonment of high school principles frees people.

From 20s to 30s though? More sexual experience, comfort in the body, and (usually) wisdom.

BestLibertarianTemp · 2021-05-24T21:24:14+00:00

20s: you have to be older, tall, dark, handsome and hung

30s: you have to be older, tall, dark, handsome, hung and rich.

sootlord · 2021-05-24T14:04:43+00:00

I'm 28m and have dated A LOT of older women from 30-39. Which includes divorced, single, and single mothers.

Honestly it all depends on how physically attractive they are and what their specific situation is. The hot older women still plays just as many games as when she was younger. The divorced or single mother are usually just lonely and crave a man to be consistent and have a good time with. And the single woman in her 30s with no kids are the most dangerous IMO, they are 8/10 times trying to baby trap or quickly trying to marry.

Most of the time they are just bitter because their previous marriage didnt workout and their ex husband moves on to a younger woman. They usually fill the void with getting cats or dogs.

Just like how a younger man is desperate in his late teens and mid twenties, its the same situation for women when they hit their early 30's to earl 40's.

Jakes1967 · 2021-05-24T12:57:41+00:00

I wouldn't say they like "bad boys" or whatever but generally its more about emotions.

More the thrill, than the actual bad boy. When they're young it's all about the now, the thrill, excitement etc.

If you are boring (stable life, job, not going to many events or always being active) then I feel like you are gonna have a hard time as a guy.

At 20 yes, at 30 no.

Then late 20s/early 30s they tend to become aware what they want and stop playing the games.

It's settling down time.

geyejoe7 · 2021-05-24T14:10:26+00:00

With age you inevitably gain life experience. Short thrills, fast money, casual sex, all that becomes irrelevant.

People tend to get serious in their 30's and really settled into their careers and lifestyles. So some want to progress in life, other than their career, and have things like a nicer car, home, kids, etc.

Physical-Pie748 · 2021-05-24T19:17:52+00:00

because they loose their looks and understand if they are still single they need other things to offer if they want a relationship. in their 20s their looks was all they needed to get men. but not anymore. and at 50-60 they get invisible completely. and most men at that age start to die. (yeah i know about the wall at 30, but from 30-50 its about "milf". some men like milfs, but at 50 it gets really bad)

cowfishAreReal · 2021-05-24T13:23:17+00:00

Different people's have different behaviors and different changes and that generalization is so broad it's basically useless. What changes? More probability of having a child, im pretty sure that's statistically true, id say older adults tend to be more responsible I guess, but there isn't much you can take out of generalizing such a large group.

eyeletflowers · 2021-05-24T14:44:59+00:00

I'm in my 30s. My sex drive is definitely lower than it was in my teens and 20s. I found it dropped slightly around my mid 20s but was still present. Now as I am looking after children it's the very last thing on my mind and really isn't there at all spare a few parts of my cycle and even then it's not incredibly fierce. It's mostly a pair bonding exercise between myself and my husband nowadays. I rarely if at all think about men in general in a sexual context apart from him. I might glance but those glances don't immediately lead to sexual thoughts like they did in my teenage years and early 20s. My ability to become aroused when I was younger was like a light switch. Now it's more like a slow burn when the kids are in bed and all the chores are done.

This would make sense as female testosterone decreases after age 25.

I am far more set in my ways. I'm more likely to keep my opinions and beliefs and less open to change than I was in my younger years. I know my preferences for things and what I believe and don't believe in. My personality is more set. It's as if I know who I am if that makes sense and I care less about trying to please people that don't matter.

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-05-24T15:04:24+00:00

I was never a thrill seeker type so that hasn't changed. But in my thirties I'm so much more confident and easy-going and so much less anxious. In my twenties I had a lot of imposter syndrome socially and professionally. In my thirties I'm more self-assured in both arenas. I feel like I've accomplished everything I wanted to so now I'm just coasting and enjoying life. I've pared down my social circle to a few people I care a lot about and I'm happy with that. I covet my time and mental/emotional energy and don't feel as bad saying no as I used to. I feel more secure in myself and my priorities.

Kizka · 2021-05-24T16:29:58+00:00

I think I simply got more relaxed. What has not changed is that I was never afraid of ending up alone, not because I never thought that I wouldn't attract anyone, I was decent looking enpugh in my 20s, but the prospect of living life alone has never ever scared me. I have always been a loner at heart and never really searched for a relationship.

I found love and entered a relationship because I wanted to be with a specific person, not because I wanted to be in a relationship in general. But if we were ever to go our separate ways I wouldn't be pressed about it.

Besides that, I just don't really care what others think about me. I think I was always a little bit weird and can come across as cold and arrogant when one meets me at first.

That has bothered me when I was younger because I simultaniously didn't want to let my guards down and be not perceived as cold. But now I don't care anymore, I am also not really interested in making any friends, so there's that.

I'm more confident in my own person but I am now more worried about the world. I am sure that dark times are coming, that's one of the reasons I don't want to put children into the world.

Oh, also I became more boring. I don't think that I was ever the most interesting person but nonetheless, in my youth I still at least did fun things, going out with friends, trying new stuff, etc. Now after work I just don't want to do anything at all anymore.

Creation_Soul · 2021-05-24T17:05:42+00:00

There was a thread some time ago that summed it up pretty good: "women in their 30s like similar things (in men) that they did in their 20s, but things they were indifferent to in their 20s, become deal breakers in their 30s".

Things like men not having their shit together is not important in your early 20s because nobody has their shit together then, but the same thing becomes a deal breaker once you get older.

relish5k · 2021-05-24T17:49:44+00:00

I think this sums it up pretty well

For me I feel so much more confident and sure of myself in my 30s compared to my 20s, but I would imagine the same applies to most people

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-05-24T19:22:05+00:00

I made mistakes and learned from them. I care less what other people think of me.

Not to mention when I was 20 I had bigger dreams as I approach 30 I learn what's more achievable. I had less responsibilities so I was more free to just go with the flow.

Growing up isnt rocket science, no one is staying 18 forever

Latina35 · 2021-05-24T19:50:19+00:00

I’m 44yo and I’m mean to menapparently lmao

Indis96 · 2021-05-25T15:00:20+00:00

Candy store analogy from Fresh&Fit explains this perfectly...:

https://youtu.be/Q0jMRTZxS3w?t=1365

How does womens behaviour change when they get older (30s compared to 20s) and why does it happen?

Woman have their ''fun'' when they turn 18, Womans ''value'' starts younger...

They experiment their sexual desires at will until around the age of 30 where they start questioning family needs and wanting to tie down a man for a serious long term relationship, thats when Woman start to feel less promiscious, they already had their fun and know what type of man they want from the experience...

Of course not all woman act this way, But majority do, and exceptions dont make the rule...

And, as in the Candy Story analogy, men its the reverse, their ''Value'' is later in life, when men have to WORK to get better in all aspects of their lifes, (Job/fitness/Social circle/ success, the whole nine yards)Of course woman can do all that to increase their value, but its no where near important compared to a man, Man can easily date down, Woman have a harder time...

Again, exceptions dont make the rule... They are still young men out there that still bag multiple chicks and dont have a successfull life, but those are in the very minority.

Or theres probably woman that earn 6 figures and can date a Male McDonalds employee, but those are very VERY Rare, and have yet to actually see IRL that admit that..

mido-otomo · 2021-05-25T15:36:13+00:00

Not in my 30s (20s) and not in the dating scene (I’ve been with the same person for 10 years) but I’ve seen this dynamic play out for my single female friends(20s-30s) and myself to a lesser extent.

If you’re “pretty” (ranked 6-10/10) “pretty” is all MOST people will see and it will be a “main character trait” from age 13 to 25. It’s very easy to develop the mindset of “well if this is the only thing people care about in me I better invest. I don’t want to WASTE these precious years where I can move upwardly”.

At the same time, to truly profit from your looks takes up ALLOT of time. And to be honest most women realize they aren’t 10s (my bff from childhood is a real model so I knew this out the gate lol) or they see that their makeup/clothing/gym routine is like owning 3 cars which happen to make up their physical form and identity- and they want out. This transition is way more gradual than how I described it, and most women (just like men) have interests/passions outside of being hot that they are pursuing.

But yeah I think being told “you’re cool cause you’re hot and stuff” really is the source of allot of grief that women put themselves through. And this mental unwellness is seen throughout the dating scene where looks MATTER.

TLDR allot of women sacrifice their youth trying to be liked (vie for power) only to realize they’re just being seen as a semi-symmetrical meat tube and exit out of the (dating/rave/etc.) game. Gradually their sense of identity is not as reliant on appearance but rather what they have done with their life and that creates a less volatile state of mind.

Mihalann · 2021-05-24T13:03:20+00:00

women's growing up:

Young hoe -> Old hoe -> Dead hoe.

ivy176 · 2021-05-24T13:45:25+00:00

[removed]

xXx_FireHydrants_xXx · 2021-05-24T15:59:20+00:00

They change because they become self conscious of their reducing appearance.

ex_red_black_piller · 2021-05-24T13:56:43+00:00

late 20s/early 30s they want a LTR husband because of many reasons:

Other women in her circle have one

Biological clock, wants kids asap

Realizes that the alpha fuckboys are not gonna put a ring on her

Some are looking for a bailout for years of bad decisions

Ideally they still want the fun of bad boy Chad but these factors above start conflicting.

Zippo-Cat · 2021-05-24T14:14:01+00:00

It's definitely their biological clock ticking.

Terpers often claim that women simply "run out of Chads" but that isn't really the case. With modern cosmetics a 30 year old woman can be almost indistinguishable from her 20 year old self. And while men find youth attractive, age is nothing but a number; if a 30 year old woman looks like a 20 year old woman, she is exactly as attractive as a 20 year old woman.

Since having children after 35 carries a lot of extra risk, there could be a mechanism that hurries women up to pump some out before that happens.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-05-24T14:36:21+00:00

From about 18-25 you’re still trying to adjust to being an adult, and your brain isn’t fully developed yet. Unless you’re a trust fund baby you have to figure out what you want to do with your life, get an education, find a career, make money. If you go away for school or for a job, you have to make entirely new friends which isn’t necessarily easy for a lot of people. As far as dating, sure you may be what RP considers “in your prime” but that’s fraught with its own dangers. There are some predatory men out there who want to use younger, more naive women for sex or who even will resort to date rape to get it (insert obligatory “not all men” here). By 30 you are a lot more confident and assertive, you have figured out your financial situation (mostly), you are a lot more savvy socially, and if you are fortunate you may already be married or established in a stable long term relationship.

I can’t speak for others but I was much happier and healthier 30-40 than I was 20-30. In my late teens and early 20s I suffered from anxiety and depression. Some of that is just me, some of that was being thousands of miles from my family and friends and not knowing anybody in a strange place. I had my daughter pretty young (22) but she did save me in a lot of ways - she made me happy, I met a ton of friends through her daycare and preschool, and it really brought me out of my depression and alleviated some of the darker thoughts. By 30 I had a great job with good benefits, including 2 weeks paid time off at Christmas time and annual bonuses; she was in elementary school so she was more self sufficient; and my dad moved out to California so I could drop her off at Grandpa’s for the night sometimes. And I was much less likely to have panic attacks or burst into tears if something went wrong in my life.

2021-05-24T19:45:44+00:00

Jesus Christ. Yes. Of course it does.

Your experience, perspective and priorities all change as you age.

My god people ask some Sperg-ass questions here.

midwestufohunter · 2021-05-24T20:22:00+00:00

It's more "in my 20s I thought I could have fun with men and be friendly and trust people!" and then "in my 30s I realize some men are predators and I don't have the skills to sort them apart so unfortunately I have to reject all men unless one really shows me he is trustworthy".

Physiologist21 · 2021-05-24T20:16:31+00:00

Because a woman at 20 has all the cards and a woman at 30 has significantly less.

Same reason successful men don't settle.

NoMarriageNoKids · 2021-05-24T19:27:58+00:00

It's isn't because they learn what they want once they hit 30. It's that they see and feel their beauty fading and want to lock down the beta provider before they become undesirable.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-05-24T15:02:50+00:00

Looking back I was an idiot at 20, mostly an idiot at 30, getting better at 40+.

The problem with life is by the time you really get good at things, you get too old to do them.

From my experience younger women tend to be more nervous and if you are slightly weird they get ready to bolt.

They are inexperienced. They are like a new guy working a dangerous job, they are going to be hesitant and skittish.

Hell the first time I held a loaded handgun I was "oh shit, wtf am I doing" now I forget I have one on me.

Also, the most negative aspect here, they like to be on the emotional rollercoaster more often I feel.

Female hormones are a bitch with younger women. They are naturally an emotional rollercoaster, I used to tell my wife to not call me when she was PMSing because she was so aggressively angry when she was 18-19, and dear god don't get me started on when she got pregnant and crazy. Testosterone has nothing on the female reproductive cycle for moody. This too evens out with age.

ivy176 · 2021-05-24T15:15:15+00:00

Me in 20s: anxious but hopeful, pushover, passive, low libido, abused, let partners choose me, did not prioritize spirituality, stuck in a rut at work, life based solely on delayed gratification and sacrifice, drank heavily, better health, in debt, very concerned with appearance especially in early/mid 20s, thought one day I will be so pretty if I try hard enough, spent a long time each day poking/inspecting myself and applying makeup and being very unhappy about how I looked

Me in 30s: anxious and burned out, gained assertiveness, lower tolerance to bad treatment, eliminated abusive people, chose a partner for the right reasons, high libido, sexual awakening, poorer health, life still fairly based on sacrifice (keep waiting for each decade to be the jackpot emotionally/physically but hope dwindling), moving away from toxic employment, big scary life changes, much stronger spirituality, sober, high amount of savings for demographic, barely concerned about appearance, accepted how I look and I'm only going to look older each year so no point in fussing over that, looks only relevant to my bubble - myself and husband, neither of us subscribe to society's idea of sexy, so I do things to enhance myself that make me feel sexier, and it's very basic things that don't require much effort like hair down, lip gloss, nightie, done.

Everyone will be totally different. You can't say people generally go through the same changes, but becoming more assertive and a reduction in disliking or obsessing over your looks would be fairly common. I also noticed my writing sounds particularly empty and lame when I was 20 😂 even when I was really putting effort into expressing myself. My vocabulary was so small, I was like is this me? (I don't mean shit I type on reddit, but actual writing)

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-05-24T16:17:18+00:00

I've gotten more confident in just about every aspect of my life. I'm less worried about what people think of me, especially people who are irrelevant.

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rft24 · 2021-05-24T20:58:13+00:00

well i’m 21 now, and i’d say what’s changed about me is that i actually have some ltr experience now. i set boundaries and speak up for myself in my relationship now. i’m less nervous around men and am no longer afraid of them, like i was when i was a teenager. there are certain things i just don’t tolerate from young men anymore.

i’ve always liked the boring, stable, quiet, nerdy/geeky guys; so i can’t really relate to “my type” changing, because it’s never really changed. that’s always been “my type,” since i first started feeling attraction to boys in my tween years. i like that my bf is boring, but his boringness is also one of my only real complaints about him lol

to touch on what you said about it being an issue for young men: yes, being boring is going to hurt young men because idk how many young women would want to be with a guy who‘s a homebody, especially if she’s sociable and likes going out. young women usually want more excitement in their lives since they haven’t gotten to experience the world much yet; so it makes sense that the guys who always want to chill at home, don’t wanna go anywhere, and aren’t open to new and atypical experiences aren’t going to be considered as attractive as the guys willing to accompany a woman to do those things.

why would a young woman who finally has the freedom to be out in the world choose to date a guy who wants to be home? they’re inherently incompatible. if the boring guys went for the boring girls, maybe it wouldn’t be as much of an issue for them.

plus, many young western women push settling down for their late 20s and 30s. these women usually date just to date or practice serial monogamy and hope it gets as far as marriage, but are fine if it doesn’t. so of course, they’re not focused on finding the best husband because they’re not focused on marriage. once they approach their 30s and want to settle, it makes sense that their preferences are subject to change. many men do this very same thing.

(disclaimer: when i say “young women” i mean “college aged/early 20s women” specifically)

idrinkapplejuice42 · 2021-05-24T22:18:25+00:00

I do tend to feel that women in their early 20s are generally unfriendly and standoffish. Women in their late 20s and up tend to be much more personable and friendly. I still have 0 sexual success with either group though. But my theory is that young women tend to have social groups built around them fairly easily when they are in college surrounded by people their age who ptobably have similar interests. Once you get out of college and get into the working world social groups don't find you so easily. Most of your colleagues are probably older and unattractive. They probably don't have much in common with you and care more about their own family lives than trying to socialize with the new employee. I think this causes those women to be more socially outgoing, because social groups no longer appear around them magically. They actually have to talk to people and be friendly.

urminecraftgf98 · 2021-05-24T22:58:02+00:00

Because the older you get, the more experiences you go through which can change you. Same goes for men too

hamartithia · 2021-05-25T05:28:22+00:00

Confidence. Seeking out more peace than before.

CockAFuckityFuck · 2021-05-25T12:49:17+00:00

For married women they become more demanding

For unmarried women they become more cunty.

Neither one is a good thing.

StrangeMemory600 · 2021-05-26T11:37:04+00:00

Why do people grow up as they get older? Are you high?

Title	How does womens behaviour change when they get older (30s compared to 20s) and why does it happen?
Author	Renkarem
Upvotes	27
Comments	150
Date	May 24, 2021 12:51 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/njx8zk/how_does_womens_behaviour_change_when_they_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-does-womens-behaviour-change-when-they-get.756369 https://theredarchive.com/post/756369

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