Men's love is highly conditional

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2025-08-28T12:16:16+00:00

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ControlSouthern3825 · 2025-08-23T02:53:14+00:00

only parents give unconditional love. with everyone else it is transactional. give n take

Hard_Corsair · 2025-08-23T02:46:10+00:00

I can't answer all of these, but my then-girlfriend had health issues that not only caused weight gain and killed her libido, but also required me to take a disproportionate amount of the work. I still loved her, I eventually married her, and eventually we solved most of those issues.

GKilat · 2025-08-23T02:50:56+00:00

Everyone's love is conditional on the condition that they are on the same page on what they want with one another. The conditions are subjective and varies between couples but this subjective condition always exists. So the OP is simply stating the obvious and leaving out the side of women also having conditions for their partner.

Large_Bed_4251 · 2025-08-23T03:41:25+00:00

All love is conditional

Velor22 · 2025-08-23T03:58:31+00:00

Women's love is just as conditional as men's.

Just watch what happens to a woman's respect and attraction towards a mate that lets himself go mentally, emotionally or physically. I don't know if there's a greater 'ick' within a relationship than loss of confidence, motivation and energy.

My own wife has fluctuated over the years in several of the marital 'challenges' on the OP's list, yet I love her more than ever after 30+ yrs together.

Why? Mainly because of our shared history, deep connection, matched values, and because she's a superb wife, mother and overall person. Mentally and emotionally healthy.

Also, she took a chance on me as a young guy with way less confidence, zero resources and a whole lot of student debt. She bet on my potential, which has been my biggest motivator to this day.

My guess is the older we are when entering into a relationship with someone new, the more conditional it will be, e.g. the less tolerance for perceived flaws. Probably because we can't help but look for behavioral patterns based on past experiences.

eternal_cuckold · 2025-08-23T02:40:56+00:00

I mean... if you dont have sex and dont get attention from your partner what is the point of even being together.

bluestjuice · 2025-08-23T02:58:06+00:00

Sure… some men, to some degree, but this is neither something unique to men, nor something that they are particularly egregious about.

Everyone has some expectations from their romantic relationships, such that when the relationship deviates too far it becomes a dealbreaker. It’s important to recognize too that while the arising of dealbreakers might necessitate the end of a relationship, that is distinct from the love itself ending. In the same way that people can form a relationship in the absence of love, for transactional reasons, people can end a relationship despite the presence of love, if they can’t find a way to meet the necessary needs of both people.

As far as men and these points specifically: the majority of men, from what I have seen, do not consider gaining weight to be a dealbreaker, especially not the fairly moderate kind of weight gain that is most typical over the third, fourth, and fifth decades of life. I think most men expect their partners to age and take this in stride as they themselves are doing likewise. Changes in libido do pop up as a dealbreaker more often than the other two in my experience, but I don’t find that to necessarily be surprising considering the typical expectation of monogamy. Men do sometimes (often?) have unrealistic expectations for life after a pregnancy, but then so do women who haven’t experienced this before. The last items I think are highly variable between men.

Reasonable_Style8214 · 2025-08-23T13:08:22+00:00

-Their partner not gaining weight

The very first point is already wrong. Most women gain weight as they age and yet they either have a husband (whom they're more likely to divorce themselves) or a partner.

TeacherSterling · 2025-08-23T03:37:00+00:00

The amount of married men I know with women despite all these things[especially the gaining weight, not snapping back after pregnancy, going to work] is ridiculous. I would say in the majority of the time women don't snap back after pregnancy and last I saw women were filing for divorce overwhelmingly more than men.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-08-23T04:26:42+00:00

Well, not all men’s love is conditional on all of those things, just as not all women’s love is conditional on all the things men claim it is. There are people who will stick by their partners during the rough times when they might not be personally benefiting from the relationship, and those who won’t.

But what is definitely true is that overall, men’s love is just as conditional if not more so, just in different ways. So it does always leave me scratching my head when men post about women’s love being conditional, or “women are loved unconditionally.” No tf we aren’t, at least no more than men are.

There are also some ways love should be conditional… conditional on how the other person treats you. The only time this often isn’t the case is with familial love, and even so, many people have to distance themselves from toxic family even if they still care about what happens to them.

liftandwhiff · 2025-08-23T09:25:24+00:00

The same thing can be said about women's love. In fact there are more conditions in a woman's love.

lesliecarbone · 2025-08-23T10:40:21+00:00

Love is conditional; otherwise, we'd all love everyone equally.

Chance_Dog_6281 · 2025-08-23T12:49:07+00:00

Everyone's love is conditional. The only people who will always love you are your parents, especially your mother (and even that is not always guaranteed). Beyond that most human relationships are generally transactional. Friends come and go, romantic partners come and go, but blood is blood and family is always family.

Ultramega39 · 2025-08-23T12:49:16+00:00

Breaking news, there's no such thing as unconditional love.

Yeolderevcopy · 2025-08-23T13:01:05+00:00

Aging well is 97% habits and lifestyle.

tendrils87 · 2025-08-23T02:47:20+00:00

Turns out people like equivalent exchange. A good product at a fair price. This post seems to explain why women ask "would you still love me if I were a worm?". Testing the waters to see how useless they can be before they cross the point of no return.

Exciting_Baseball982 · 2025-08-23T07:50:04+00:00

This is a spectacularly bad faith take that confuses basic standards of partnership with conditional love.

"Love" and "Tolerating Mismanagement" are not the same thing.
Weight Gain / Aging: There's a vast difference between aging naturally and completely letting oneself go. Love isn't a suicide pact. It's not conditional to expect a partner to maintain a basic level of health and self-respect. No one is obligated to be attracted to profound physical neglect.

Drop in Libido / Post-Pregnancy: This isn't about "snapping back."
It's about effort and partnership. A dramatic, permanent drop in libido often signifies deeper health or relational issues. A man is expected to be a supportive partner through recovery; he is not expected to sign up for a permanent, sexless life without complaint. That's not a condition of love; that's a fundamental change to the relationship agreement.

Holding Down a Job:
This is about shared responsibility, not love. In a world with crushing economic pressure, expecting a partner to contribute financially isn't conditional love it's a basic requirement for survival. It's about not wanting to carry the entire financial burden alone forever.

Nagging About Chores:
Framing this as "unfairness they should accept with a smile" is telling. Men don't fall out of love because they're asked to do chores. They check out because of the constant, disrespectful nagging the tone of contempt from a partner who acts as his manager, not his equal. The condition isn't "do all the chores"; it's "don't treat me with contempt."

Your entire post ignores the most unconditional form of love in society: the love men are expected to provide. Men are loved conditionally on their ability to provide, protect, and perform. The second his job is lost, his health fails, or he shows emotional vulnerability, he often discovers just how conditional a woman's love truly is.

You're describing the basic expectations of a functional adult partnership and calling it conditional love. Real love is a two way street of mutual respect and effort, not a blanket excuse for letting all standards collapse.

ReasonConfident4541 · 2025-08-23T02:48:21+00:00

Any sources on this? Besides the one saying men more likely to leave if their partner gets sick

tendrils87 · 2025-08-23T03:02:00+00:00

Also, we're going to pretend that women don't end a vast majority of relationships. The hierarchy of who receives the most love from lowest to highest is Men->Women->Children. It never flows the opposite direction.

CaptainCirriculum · 2025-08-23T04:29:26+00:00

OP, you're largely and broadly correct in your premise. Men are also shallow creatures when relationships are involved.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-08-23T07:14:46+00:00

Aside from most of these widely not being true, if these are immeasurably dwarfed by the conditions men need to meet to even, love aside, be considered a potential option.

experienta · 2025-08-23T14:24:20+00:00

Highly conditional, really? Is this supposed to be a list of some colossal challenges? Ignoring the obvious hyperboles, it's basically don't get fat, don't nag and have sex lol. If that was all men had to do we'd be in heaven.

BCRE8TVE · 2025-08-23T16:30:47+00:00

The one factor that increases the odds of her divorcing him the most is if he loses his job.

If you think women's love isn't highly conditional, and I'd argue even more highly conditional than men, that's because you've only been looking at one side of the issue.

PuzzleheadedJob4413 · 2025-08-23T21:56:31+00:00

Everyone's love is highly conditional. Why are you proposing this like it's a man exclusive thing?

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2025-08-23T23:15:21+00:00

~~Men’s~~ love is highly conditional.

Fixed it for ya

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2025-08-23T02:54:24+00:00

Compared to what men have to meet for intimate interest,

-Their partner not gaining weight

As long as she doesn't start eating lots of junk food and become sedentary. Natural weight gain based on aging, pregnancy, etc is different from a junk diet.

-Not aging badly (mostly influenced by genetics)

As long as the man met while she was younger, he understands aging. As long as it's not because of drugs and a bad controllable lifestyle.

-Not having a drop in libido

That goes back to aging badly. If she is 40, 50, 60, thats to be expected. If she had a high libido with Pookie and RayRay, but low with Basic Bob, then of course Bob is upset.

-Snapping back after pregnancy

As long as she returns to proper eating, then thats expected.

-Their partner holding down a job

The job doesn't have to be the top tier, God level, 6 figures.

-Still giving them the same amount of attention even after kids

As long as Basic Bob isn't completely ignored, it's not that much of a factor. As the kids age, they become less dependent on physical care. By the time they enter school, they can manage themselves compared to their infant/toddler self. By the time they enter middle school, they become even more independent of heavy parental labor.

-Women not nagging them to do an equal amount of chores (they should just accept this unfairness with a smile)

Basic Bob makes up for it in terms of the bills. He probably works 12 hour shifts, a second job, AND a "side (extorted) hustle" just to survive.

liferelationshi · 2025-08-23T03:28:23+00:00

And women’s love is even more conditional. What’s your point? Just here to stir the pot?

BigMadLad · 2025-08-23T04:51:32+00:00

Obligatory this poster is a sex worker she has no idea of normal relationships

Training_Ad_8023 · 2025-08-23T13:07:41+00:00

BJ's.

OP forgot BJ's on their list.

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AMDisappointment · 2025-08-23T09:36:40+00:00

If you're loved for who you are but who you are changes drastically, is that an example of highly conditional love?

It's like saying you love steak, is it really wrong if you don't like steak when it's rotten?

Rich-Efficiency3394 · 2025-08-23T12:10:53+00:00

Every relationship except the parent/child relationship is voluntary and - as a result - conditional on the involved parties being satisfied with the exchange.

quinn9648 · 2025-08-23T16:55:28+00:00

Taking care of yourself and being employed is a high bar…? I’m not sure I understand the point of this.

Agitated-Ad-3576 · 2025-08-23T20:27:13+00:00

Well, the only one of those things you mentioned that I don't find superficial is the point about gaining weight. I don't think it's unreasonable for a man to feel less attracted to a wife who is addicted to food and leads a sedentary lifestyle. The other things you mentioned are certainly not justifiable reasons for a man to stop loving his wife.

Now, do women think highly of a husband who doesn't have a job or help with household chores? Do they admire a husband who spends a lot of time on meaningless activities, like playing video games?

Something I fail to understand is why, on average, women don't seem to care much if their husbands become obese. Many seem more concerned about a man's height than his weight—something that actually says a lot more about his health, habits, and ability to set a good example for his kids.

EaseAlternative4145 · 2025-08-23T22:02:47+00:00

Unconditional love doesn't exist in this universe. from neither gender, from no species, there is always a condition: beauty, personality, prosperity, survival. No organism spends energy on something that doesn't benefit its goals (survival, reproduction, survival of descendants). All human actions are inherently selfish to a degree, so is "love".

MTWABPFTNG · 2025-08-23T22:45:01+00:00

This is true in both directions

Hoopy223 · 2025-08-24T00:53:53+00:00

Smells like a windmillflowers thread lol

There are SOOO many average to ugly old married couples all over the place that your argument makes no sense.

The biggest thing to break up a couple….is money. Specifically not enough of it.

itarusuke · 2025-08-24T02:18:06+00:00

You are not loved unconditionally, not even by your parents, imagine by your partner

AdventurousHorror357 · 2025-08-24T13:04:29+00:00

I don't think any of these are unreasonable.

ElRanchero666 · 2025-08-25T01:01:40+00:00

I'd of thought women's love is more conditional

cryptohacker_pro · 2025-08-27T19:24:09+00:00

If men’s love were always conditional, humanity would have ended the moment Adam saw Eve with an apple.

redditmcx · 2025-08-23T02:45:38+00:00

It’s all depends on how much Doubling your weight? Losing 90 percent of libido? Ignoring partner ? Probably same for women Pretty common sense

MarioWilson122 · 2025-08-23T03:10:23+00:00

Not really women are still able to attract and keep men even if they dont meet these standards. Of course there are guys that will not tolerate it but most of these can be nonexistent for some men. So her options will be affected but it wont vastly limit them like it would for a man.

bluestjuice · 2025-08-23T03:35:56+00:00

I don’t even know what was major about it before last year. I’m not 100% saying you’re wrong, but the last year has been somewhat overshadowed by gestures to everything

Inevitable-Bite8660 · 2025-08-23T08:30:25+00:00

Honestly, there’s no problem if people just admit their love is conditional. The thing that really pisses me off is when they all have conditions, yet act like only they are capable of “unconditional love.”

Some even go so far as to say, “That’s not a condition, it’s just a basic expectation.” Excuse me? Whether you call it “basic” or whatever, that’s just your own subjective fantasy. The moment you can put it into words as an expectation, you’re already setting a condition.

It’s like a buffet that charges you an entrance fee at the door and then brags, “From here on, all the food is free!” If you can run it that way, then sure—anyone can run a “free buffet.”

The difference is, women running the same buffet at least acknowledge they charge admission. Meanwhile, some men convince themselves they’re running a charitable soup kitchen out of pure goodness, and it’s only those “greedy, evil women” who dare to charge customers.

Popeoath · 2025-08-24T06:10:18+00:00

There are plenty of fat, aged, non-sexual, non-working, nagging women in marriages.

Title	Men's love is highly conditional
Author	Glowupgirl111
Upvotes	6
Comments	141
Date	August 23, 2025 2:39 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1mxpwtt/mens_love_is_highly_conditional/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/mens-love-is-highly-conditional.1560248 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560248

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