Most relationships are transactional and aren't based on real love.

InvestmentLong4450 · 2023-06-29T11:51:09+00:00

Unironically love is just the friendship part of the relationship where you enjoy to spend time with one another. Most couples after their hormone enduced honeymoon stage either settle to the long term fwb relationship or chase the new dopamine rush with a new guy/girl rinse and repeat. But to say there is no love is comical. After the honeymoon stage not all couples break up because the bond they created feeling good in each other presence is the love part.

zyex12 · 2023-06-29T13:53:50+00:00

This type of argument just tells me you haven’t been in a relationship or ever seen any relationships or something I mean I’ve been around a bunch of couples and been in one myself I can safely say that most relationships are not only based on sexual attraction yea some definitely are but most is such a stretch. Might as well just be fwb if the relationship is gonna revolve around sex and looks

TransportationIcy896 · 2023-06-29T11:32:44+00:00

Sounds like you've not actually been a rewarding relationship. Because " In the average relationship people just pretend to be loving, but they don't actually love each other" is such terrible generalization. Like where are you getting this from? What do you think friendships are or family?

In terms of romantic/ sexual relationships, what you're talking about is infatuation. The honeymoon period is a genuine phenomenon, which is why people say it's really after 3-6 months that you start getting irritated or start fighting more because you get more comfortable with one another.

Love is something you constantly work on. Sure it's a lot of brain chemicals, but jeez that's sterilizing as well as invalidating how people's actions do affect us. Biology does not mean it's a "fact" as in it applies to social dynamics and nuances like relationships/ love.

Caractacutetus · 2023-06-29T11:41:07+00:00

"love" is basically just a chemical reaction

Well yes, obviously. Everything we feel and do are the result of chemical reactions.

What most people call "love" is just sexual attraction

I have colleagues that I find sexually attractive but I don't love them.

I've been with my partner for 10 years, and yes, we're still sexually attracted to each other, but we also love each other's company. We prioritise each other. I feel an immense drive to make sure she's in the best state possible, and she seems to have the same drive for me. If this isn't the chemical reaction called love, then I don't know what is.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2023-06-29T13:32:14+00:00

I think one of the biggest issues people have here is their perspective on relationships doesn't extend beyond people's mid 30s. They don't think about 78 year olds whose sex lives are long done who walk arm and arm around the park and the husband refers to his wife as "his girl" still.

I think it's a cynical take, an inexperienced take, a short sighted take.

Ok_Cycle225 · 2023-06-29T12:19:46+00:00

This post reminds me of Rick and Morty lol

Listen Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people calls “love” is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.

Pilling_it · 2023-06-29T11:39:59+00:00

Okay, can we just talk about one thing ?

When people complain relationships are transactional, what I've increasingly been hearing is "why can't I put no effort whatsoever in anything and be loved ?"

It's not as cold as a math equation, but there will be some boxes you gotta check no matter what. The sooner you accept it, the better off you will be. A parent's love is supposed to be unconditional, but if you push far enough a loving one, it will go of their own safety to cut contact with you until you get your shit together. If you're forgiven.

People whine a lot about wanting to be loved, but not nearly as many want nor are ready to love. And that's what has been going on.

FightMeCthullu · 2023-06-29T12:24:33+00:00

Love is a weird word because it’s a noun and a verb. What I mean by that is love isn’t just something you feel it’s something you do.

You don’t just “love” someone and that’s it. You actively “love” them which involves time and effort and work. It’s a doing word. I love my partner by being kind to him and spending time with him, by comforting him when he’s sad and celebrating with him when he’s happy. I love him by bringing him coffee when I have an earlier start than him, by watching his shows with him.

My love for him doesn’t just exist on its own I nurture it, and I nurture his love for me, and he does the same. You don’t just feel love for someone and that’s it. If you neglect your relationship, and your partner, you guys will likely not survive because even if the feeling is still there the doing won’t be. It’s why people move on after a relationship because even if they still feel it, after long enough of not doing it, after long enough of not nurturing it, you start to let go.

Relationships are conditional. As in Relationships exist on certain conditions being fulfilled (monogamy is a common condition).

Love as transactional? I mean I get something out of my love. I get a lot of joy. But I’d hazard saying all relationships and love as transactional.

Zadacat · 2023-06-29T11:59:27+00:00

Relationships still have love, it is just not unconditional. What you are feeling, everything you do, is still love.

platinirisms · 2023-06-29T12:36:06+00:00

All relationships are transactional and conditional.

Love is it’s own separate thing, it’s not just based on sexual attraction, as you can be sexually attracted to someone without being in love with them.

Love is a more powerful version of attraction, and definitely requires more than just sexual attraction. It exists so you stay with that particular person and help raise the child together. If she was crazy and hard to live with, but attractive, you probably wouldn’t fall in love with her because it’s not beneficial.

ashleyrose56 · 2023-06-29T13:46:49+00:00

I think you're personality disordered.

Filmguy000 · 2023-06-29T18:43:31+00:00

In my opinion, this is basically true. However, I know that there will be those that read your post and go ,"well I've been with my partner for x amount of years and we are still going strong and still have sex". And all power to those people. But most people do not enjoy that kind of longevity of passion despite sticking out the relationship.

I think for couples to really feel happy for the long haul, they must have the right cocktail of good looks, mutual understanding/emotional health, and have a comfortable lifestyle financially (both have to see eye to eye on what that means). If I were to guess, that is literally less than 10% of the population. Most people aren't naturally good looking (so one or both will not want to have sex often). Most people aren't making great money (which causes a ton of issues between couples). Finally most people aren't in the best shape as far as mental health. So what most of us rely on as a point of reference is the fantasy presented by romcoms, Disney and social media. Then when we enter relationships, the realities begin to appear then the train wreck creeps up slowly but surely.

Background-Map-7243 · 2023-06-29T19:53:56+00:00

Still better than nothing

BigZaddyZ3 · 2023-06-29T11:46:01+00:00

Or perhaps it’s just that “real love” itself is transactional/conditional in nature?

(And there’s nothing wrong with this in my opinion. Would you “love” your neighborhood if you were constantly being burglarized and the neighbors were constantly playing loud music every night? Probably not..)

Mistress-Eve- · 2023-06-29T12:26:33+00:00

Speak for yourself

Active-Razzmatazz-86 · 2023-06-29T15:13:15+00:00

I think only men are capable of real love .Women aren't

EugeneCezanne · 2023-06-29T19:22:10+00:00

It's sort of impossible to rationally argue with a viewpoint that depends entirely on presuming to read the fucking minds of billions of people at a time. Are most couples in love? I have no idea and you don't either. Only they know, and even that isn't guaranteed.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-06-30T00:43:49+00:00

Don't be an idiot, love is an emotion - like anger.

The chemical reaction is not what we call love - it's what it is. That is "real" love.

Stop playing with words and Hollywood movies and go on 3 dates with a girl you like

itm4l2000 · 2023-07-01T09:52:36+00:00

Hypergamy wouldn't be an issue if hetero sexual relationships weren't transactional. Doesn't have a car, ick, doesn't have his own place, ick. Still living with his parents ick. Can't support me during my childbearing years equivalent to a dual income household, ICK.

If women don't think relationships are transactional, more of them would be going it alone and going to sperm banks, I wonder why is that. Probably because when we strip it all down yes, relationships are transactional.

Any male that doesn't believe relationships are transactional is truly a blue pilled.

ToeElegant4016 · 2023-06-29T17:44:47+00:00

Love is a lie, a 'mythos', we tell men to believe in the current gynocratic system of 'open hypergamy' which is the innate sexual strategy of Female Biology. It worked previously under socially enforced monogamy and allowed mens innate idealism (fueled by their testosterone) to allow them to pursue excellence and drive culture or maintain its infrastructure.

TheRedPillBeta · 2023-07-01T15:31:14+00:00

Hollywood: love is unconditional!

Reality: if your husband suddenly lost his $300k/year job and had to work at McDonalds for $15/hr, you'd be gone. If your wife suddenly got hit by the ugly stick and never wanted to have sex ever again... well your dick is going to lead you to bad places, or you're going to leave with it.

Facts. There are exceptional folks who resist these natural pulls for sake of morality and honor. But they are the exceptions who prove the rule.

Sorry, but it is what it is.

Low-Papaya-1601 · 2023-06-29T11:40:37+00:00

So in the average relationship, where the guy is usually an unattractive, out of shape, broke loser

What is the girl getting out of this? Because it certainly isn't anything rational or material

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SmoothForest · 2023-06-29T12:53:51+00:00

Obviously. Love doesn't come from thin air. Something needs to cause it.

KayRay1994 · 2023-06-29T14:05:29+00:00

i mean technically….. yes, even if the transaction is “i’ll support you if you support me” or “i’ll love you if you treat me well”, then it technically is transactional - but then again, i would argue that, especially in the context of romantic relationships, a healthy level of “transaction” is needed - would you want to be with someone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself or the future? that’s a condition, that’s the transaction, and imo that’s entirely healthy. Romantic relationships shouldn’t be fully unconditional as that’s how you fall into settling for a bad, or even worse, abusive partner.

I think it becomes a problem when said transaction is done at the guise of something else - ie. a partner is calling it being secure but is really only there for the financial stuff, or is there cause “they makes me feel good” and they’re more into the the places and things that they’re taken to over the person they’re with - that kind of thing.

labellefille28 · 2023-06-29T14:16:47+00:00

Slaves initially to biology and we will be attracted to someone and have chemistry which may lead into connection and a relationship (short or long), but love is actively choosing to be with that person, to work on yourself for you and that person, to support and challenge them and to have their back, to listen to their vulnerabilities and share yours - that is love. It can’t be switched off if it’s unconditional. You love them despite their faults and failings. Intellectually you may not like certain behaviours or views but your heart doesn’t stop loving them, even when it should in some cases.

SimoneRose101 · 2023-06-29T14:18:34+00:00

This is cynical at best. Plenty of people love each other as people lol. But also, given the economic state of things today, relationships are almost survivalist standard. There is an economic advantage to relationships on both ends. If you happen to find a person you love who also cuts your expenses or workload in half, I don’t see it as anything bad.

wtknight · 2023-06-29T14:28:58+00:00

I think that successful couples are actually friends with each other, too. So I wouldn’t say “most”. Definitely “many” though. People break up with each other at probably about the same rate that friends stop being friends with each other for whatever reason.

Natt_Katt02 · 2023-06-29T14:40:12+00:00

I don't have such cynical view of relationships tbh. Yes all relationships are transactional to a degree, in the sense that I'd leave if none of my needs are being met (if he doesn't support me emotionally, doesn't pull his weight in his assigned chores, treats me badly etc), you usually want to receive the energy you give. But there is more in a *good relationship than attraction. There's supposed to be a bond, a friendship, two people genuinely liking each other for who they are and enjoying each other's company. You're basically life companions. Yes there are relationships like that, but it's usually people who never really liked each other. It was just lust without any further compatibility

Gari_305 · 2023-06-29T16:11:08+00:00

Looks like most men are in a “trick hoe” relationship

Novadina · 2023-06-29T16:21:52+00:00

The real desire of nature is to reproduce, so what we call “love” is basically just a chemical reaction designed to get us to reproduce, but it has nothing to do with real love.

If that’s what people “call love”, then that is what love is. Love is just a word we use to describe something. It could be describing feeling that is produced by our brain chemicals, as all feelings are. You think feelings aren’t “true” because we see biological beings???

magiksissclit · 2023-06-29T16:42:52+00:00

This happens all the time but it doesn’t mean love doesn’t exist. If you don’t water a plant it dies. People have needs.

One cannot use “Love” as an excuse to expect being able to get away w/ lack of effort, bad behavior or suppression of your partner. Unfortunately we live in an age we’re countless people have attempted to twist & turn what love is for their own selfish ends. Then play the victim when these man child’s or woman child’s don’t get their way.

Don’t go down that road OP. Real life is not a fairytale or Disney movie

RedBullfrog · 2023-06-29T18:11:13+00:00

Something tells me you have never been in love

Notsonewguy7 · 2023-06-30T10:47:45+00:00

Love isn't necessary for a long term relationship, but it's nice

Salt_Nefariousness37 · 2023-06-30T11:52:04+00:00

Habits to each other, that’s all.

GetCraefty · 2023-07-03T15:49:51+00:00

It’s really sad you feel this way and I hope you find love one day. My husband and I have been together for 16 years, still absolutely in love. I still feel light headed when he touches me, we are best friends, we’re there for each other.

Title	Most relationships are transactional and aren't based on real love.
Author	Jax_Gatsby
Upvotes	49
Comments	169
Date	June 29, 2023 11:25 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14m2glh/most_relationships_are_transactional_and_arent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-relationships-are-transactional-and-arent.1223902 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223902

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