Q4MEN ONLY Would you be offended?

wingbark · 2019-03-27T17:08:08+00:00

Yes I’d be offended but I think I’d eventually get the test and she’s have to figure some way to make amends. I don’t think I’d divorce straight away but I would be pissed off. Everyone hates being accused of something they didn’t do.

SkookumTree · 2019-03-27T17:10:30+00:00

Somewhat, more surprised than anything else. Would shove the clean results in her face.

Aaren_Augustine · 2019-03-27T17:10:55+00:00

No. Because I would have known it was coming from some past problems with a cheating bf.

I've seen dudes that gave up alcohol because the wife's last husband was an alcoholic. Or you have to be careful and a lot of shit is off limits in the bedroom because GF has PTSD from a rapey boyfriend.

I would think therapy would be in order after a STD panel was demanded. But I wouldn't go from okay to divorce in under sixty seconds because I was so self centered to believe I'm the reason she's worried or its a reflection of my integrity.

wekacuck · 2019-03-27T17:18:40+00:00

Yeah. I'd demand the same of her and start monitoring her phone because clearly there's some projection involved.

monkey7247 · 2019-03-27T17:08:38+00:00

I’d be more than offended, but I have a stable marriage with a wife that trusts me. The fact that she is requesting this suggests there are major issues in the relationship.

EDIT: Oh, I see this is just a male version of the paternity test thread. Meh.

passepar2t · 2019-03-27T17:12:24+00:00

She just comes out with it out of nowhere? This woman whom I've known intimately for over five years has shown no prior inclination of being paranoid about me?

CaffeinatedCucumber · 2019-03-27T17:17:12+00:00

As a man, I wouldn't be "offended", surprised maybe. I would try to understand where did that come from.

Esk1mOz4mb1k · 2019-03-27T17:49:53+00:00

I wouldn't be that much offended, especially if she has a past with cheating exs.

What would bother me though is to have to wait 6+ weeks to have sex with her again because STD test less than 6 week after risk aren't reliable.

ColdHardTruth2019 · 2019-03-27T17:52:50+00:00

Not only would I be offended, but I wouldn’t do it, and would be suspicious as to wtf she was up to while I was away.

More than likely she did some shady shit and is now paranoid you did - that’s usually where this shit stems from.

If she goes too long without sex, then divorce her. Fuck that.

hammerhaunts · 2019-03-27T17:08:11+00:00

one time to ask is fine, if she keeps asking then its annoying or suspicious

IrrationalIrritation · 2019-03-27T17:17:34+00:00

That would depend heavily on how she phrases it.

Mattcwu · 2019-03-27T17:59:28+00:00

Yes, I've only been married for 6 months, but we already trust each other enough to not need this. I would be more surprised than anything based on how my wife is.

Jaxx_Teller · 2019-03-27T17:18:19+00:00

Yeah that would be preposterous.

darudeboysandstorm · 2019-03-27T17:29:47+00:00

Not really. I am not offended easily.

NockerJoe · 2019-03-27T17:11:27+00:00

I mean maybe at first but I know what a lot of guys are like, even married ones with kids. Provided she does the same thing no problem.

69odin420 · 2019-03-27T18:13:08+00:00

I’d be down long as she took one too

mgtow_1 · 2019-03-27T19:48:07+00:00

As long as she gets the test as well I have no problem with the request.

tuffrakkit · 2019-03-27T17:09:39+00:00

I'd be surprised and disappointed more than offended because it would show that she doesn't view me as trustworthy.

jkonrad · 2019-03-27T17:30:41+00:00

Wouldn’t be offended and wouldn’t take test unless she had a valid reason to be concerned. Her whims don’t write my calendar.

LinkedFerret69 · 2019-03-27T17:30:50+00:00

I would ask why before anything else.

If she is doing it cuz she wants to make sure I didn't accidentally contract something from the trip from non-sexual means ok

If she thinks I cheated I would be heavily offended since to her knowledge I have been faithful

ImmortalMartial · 2019-03-27T17:38:48+00:00

Not the least bit if she never had a problem with me asking for things in similar vein

diffdedbed · 2019-03-27T17:41:58+00:00

I wouldn't be offended I'd be bemused.

I would then bargain with her. The gist would be I'd take the test, and if its 100% negative her ass is mine in some way.

Now if she resisted and said "No you take the test!" I'd then immediately shoot her because its obvious a replicant has taken over my wifes body.

Then again, I've never worried about paternity either.

shredzro · 2019-03-27T17:55:19+00:00

I’d wonder if she’s projecting something. As if she cheated and now is projecting it by blaming me. I’ve seen this happen a lot.

Ziczor · 2019-03-27T18:08:32+00:00

This is incomparable to paternity test but I'd do it and if all went ok, I'd sign up for a porn shoot.

hyperrreal · 2019-03-27T18:37:41+00:00

It would depend on the context. But if it came out of nowhere I would be offended.

But, there's 2 differences between paternity tests/the STD test described above.

One is that if 1 week of separation justifies an STD panel in my wife's mind, logistically that's going to be a real pain in the ass. Week-long trips happen much more often than pregnancy.

The second is that a paternity test corrects an asymmetry in knowledge. Paternity is a situation where one party has absolute certainty, and the other doesn't. After a week apart, either party could have cheated/have an STD, and neither has any way of knowing w/out a test.

NalkaNalka · 2019-03-27T18:54:32+00:00

Depends how she said it. Bitchy and demanding? I'd tell her to go pound sand. Polite and respectful? Would be concerned for her because obviously something is going on with her if this came out of the blue. I would want to get to the bottom of it. I would take the test once, if she asked for another one next trip then hell no.

Shadow_Of_ · 2019-03-27T18:59:39+00:00

I guess I'd get a bit offended but I'd go through with the STD test

wub1234 · 2019-03-27T19:02:41+00:00

I doubt I would get married.

However, I wouldn't be offended, I would just refuse.

I also doubt I would be one of the guys asking for a paternity test. I can give my trust to someone, whether this is warranted or not, and I expect it in return.

max_peenor · 2019-03-27T20:28:31+00:00

"Wait, what? You want sex again?"

sadomasochrist · 2019-03-27T21:23:16+00:00

"Oh she's whoring around... Demoted to plate."

Workaholico · 2019-03-28T01:58:40+00:00

I would be offended if she forced me into it out of the blue (no prior anything) and would be quite suspicious of her.

But I would say. "Here. Happy?" when I shown that I did not have any std (or the ones prior to the occurrence).

I know I have nothing to hide.

But I would ask the same.

Also, about the gotcha moment. All my relationships know I gonna ask for DNA. I will not be part of the 3.3%.

Everyone knows I do not trust words alone. I wanna proof.

Barely-moral · 2019-03-28T02:25:54+00:00

Offended? No. Worried.

First I agree to get the tests done and I talk to her to see what is the reason she is not trusting in me.

After the results are in and I am clean then it is my turn to make demmands. We both go to therapy. As a couple and on our own. If there is no improvement in our relationship in three months then the relationship is over.

If this happens before the relationship is 3 years old, then there is no negative consequences. I get the tests done. I prove my point. That is it.

-TheGreasyPole- · 2019-03-27T17:14:14+00:00

No, I'd take the test and immediately upon the results coming back negative divorce her and run off with the 22 yo nanny to go and live in Acapulco with blackjack and hookers.

Or some other version of the reply the women gave on their thread.

MrHerbSherman · 2019-03-27T17:22:50+00:00

lol yes obviously, who wouldn’t be

squiddy_s550gt · 2019-03-27T17:52:17+00:00

Would i be offended? Probably not. I would probably laugh and call her stupid.

Would i rush out to take her std test? Also no. I would tell her if she doesn't want to fuck me then i will find someone who will.

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TheJim66 · 2019-03-27T18:33:48+00:00

Definitely offended and wouldn't comply,but I wouldn't divorce.I would question my choice of wife though,there is a difference between being careful and being paranoid.

the_duude_abides · 2019-03-27T18:35:57+00:00

Odds are after 5 years of marriage your not having sex anymore anyway, so what’s the loss?

In all seriousness though. It’s obvious this question is in response to the paternity question that was asked earlier. It also relates to the women’s empathy question that came up yesterday.

I think we can agree that proof of progeny is a male specific issue. There are very few and very specific circumstances that would require a maternity test.

The most pessimistic TRPer would say that the women’s responses on the paternity thread are proof that women are incapable of empathy towards men and male specific issues. That because this is a problem they could never experience, it is not worth considering beyond how it would make them feel from their perspective.

IMO the paternity post was posted in bad faith to try to illicit these responses. Obviously as asked women are going to have a negative response as they are being accused of cheating. A more neutral and less accusatory way to discuss this issue would have been to pose the following question:

Q4W: How would you feel if the government imposed a mandatory paternity test for the father of every child before said “father” was allowed to sign the birth certificate?

Edit in response to your edit:

It’s hard for you to say this wasn’t an attempt at a gotcha. As soon as anyone responded saying they would b offended, you responded by asking about the paternity test.

Also there is a way for a man to be 100% sure of paternity. When you say there’s no way what you mean is there’s no way without hurting the wife’s feeling by asking for a paternity test.

abaxeron · 2019-03-27T18:37:54+00:00

Depends.

From my very surface Googling, top reliability tests are done in three stages, the last stage done 90 days after the exposure, and, depending on the lab, it can take up to 3 more weeks for the results to arrive.

No offense if she's fine with express / 1 month test.

Suspicion if she cuts off sex for 3.5 months. Something's fishy.

throwinout · 2019-03-27T18:50:33+00:00

No. But I'd ask her to do the same.

For the analogy, I guess she could get a maternity test. LMAO.

The attempted analogies don't make sense, because few things are as one sided.

Not directed towards you specifically. Many analogies have been made.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-03-27T19:20:50+00:00

Yeah I would be offended. But more than offended, I would probably get tested and then I would break up.

Cazken · 2019-03-27T20:17:18+00:00

Yea, but not deeply hurt or anything. Depends on her reasoning. I’d ask her to get checked too. Because it can easily be a trap, she cheats on me with some dude, gets HIV, gives it to me, and frames me as if I’m the one who cheated. Then I’m fucked hard. This is all hypothetical of course, I’d never get married .

gunbusterxl · 2019-03-27T20:20:24+00:00

She's probably projecting, and yes that is highly offensive. Personally, I would get the test and refuse to fuck her for half a year on principle.

daniellederek · 2019-03-27T20:31:03+00:00

Umm if you take the zithromax on the plane home there won't be any clap to find on the test lol....

AstuteBlackMan · 2019-03-27T21:02:28+00:00

No. Cause I really have nothing to hide

Workshop_Gremlin · 2019-03-27T21:19:42+00:00

No, so long as it's not part of some mind game she's playing where agreeing to it is somehow gets interpreted as admission of some kind of guilt.

meeselbon573 · 2019-03-27T21:20:33+00:00

Obviously, there would be offense here, but the analogy to paternity testing is a poor one. The current law gives men no protection if they act as a putative father for an extended time. If they discover that the child is not theirs later, they have no options, and the woman faces no repercussions.

In view of this Gynocentric law, women should be understanding of men protecting their interests—because the law won’t.

Really, paternity testing should be automatic at the hospital, thus avoiding offense. (And the reason it is not automatic is that the policy makers don’t care about men’s interests in the situation.)

To give an example of why the skewed laws make this a bad analogy, it is a criminal offense to intentionally infect someone with an std[1]. But a woman intentionally deceiving a man about paternity is perfectly legal.

[1] https://www.stdcheck.com/blog/stds-and-the-law/

ShawshankRetention · 2019-03-27T21:21:01+00:00

She would never dare to ask that to a guy who was in high demand, and hence prone to cheat.

I would be initially offended, but not that much. I would realize the power dynamic and trust of our couple is way off balance and it is time to leave though.

rockbottommale123 · 2019-03-27T21:55:31+00:00

No I'd get the test and then divorce her. In my country STD testing is mandated (and free) before the marriage certificate is released.

She probably cheated on me, because a lot of women here will think that because she's a cheater her SO must be one too.

hoteldetective_ · 2019-03-27T22:09:16+00:00

More than offense, it's hurtful. When you know in your heart what your intentions are, having the person you care about most question that just feels shitty.

I think I would do it though, just to prove to them that there's nothing to worry about, but we would need some kind of counseling or therapy to address that lack of trust. If they don't want to work on our trust levels or if they expect a battery of tests from me after every solo trip, then I'd start to consider ending it (just my two cents though).

mc0079 · 2019-03-27T22:45:59+00:00

Yes. I'm married for 2 been with her for 7.

ifeelfuckingterrible · 2019-03-27T23:26:49+00:00

No. Because in this situation I'm imagining, she doesn't care so much about the actual act of cheating, but more about potentially catching something from me. She's expecting me to sleep around.

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2019-03-28T00:57:32+00:00

Less offended, more confused. I'd certainly be wondering why the fuck she thinks I've been unfaithful. Unless she has an actual basis for that assumption I'd be questioning the relationship tbh. If she doesn't trust me even though I've done nothing wrong in the past that's a big red flag.

Given your hypothetical already assumes I've been 100% faithful and trustworthy and there's no reason for suspicion I'd be, yeah, wondering wtf is up.

My first assumption would likely be there's a level of projection going on. By which I mean she is being unfaithful to me so assumes I must be doing the same.

Reading your edit, if this is meant to be a gender flip of the whole paternity test thing, yeah I'd be asking who else she's been fucking if she ended up preggo considering I got snipped lmao.

admiral_snugglebutt · 2019-03-28T01:17:55+00:00

I feel like the better analogy would be that he's just been diagnosed with cancer (something curable but traumatic) and she wants him to take an STD test.

subgamer90 · 2019-03-28T02:01:20+00:00

Nah, as long as she gets one too

blackedoutfast · 2019-03-28T03:03:12+00:00

no, i would probably laugh.

but i would also be suspicious that she may have cheated because this is exactly the kind of thing that cheaters do.

eddielovett · 2019-03-28T03:50:01+00:00

No I would not be offended. I also wouldn’t get tested for her. If I cheated and didn’t use a condom I would get tested for myself, she wouldn’t be aware of the results. I expect her to trust me.

UniversalBasicBro · 2019-03-28T07:57:22+00:00

I wouldn't give a shit. People can randomly get insecure for no reason. I'd do it and when it comes back clean try to have a chat to see what's going on with her.

cxj · 2019-03-28T07:59:28+00:00

I’d be like “wtf” get annoyed and not comply but “offended” isn’t the word. Not like she trashed my momma or something

insertthrowaway998 · 2019-03-28T12:16:33+00:00

Yeah because she thought I cheated on her. Granted I’m not exactly being poached by any woman, being that I’m not objectively attractive so I don’t know why she would even think that.

Redslif · 2019-03-28T13:16:52+00:00

I wouldn't be offended though i would be bemused.

I would proceed to get an STD test as long as she gets tested as well since i would assume that she's making such a request out of her own guilt.

7-11-21-Luck · 2019-03-28T14:20:04+00:00

I mean if someone usually start accusing you of cheating and doing dirt, they are usually the ones cheating and feel guilty so start accusing you of doing the same or whatever. And she wants to test if she can get the test because it will be easier than arguing about it but at the same time she's getting one too. What you got to hide?

StopTheIncels · 2019-03-28T16:55:15+00:00

I wouldn't.

Just like that saying: "Murder will out". If I have nothing to hide, she can prod all she wants. It's the underlying insecurity, and 'out of nowhere' anxiety that would be alarming. Plus getting a full STD panel is not that difficult.

I have discussed paternity tests before with potential partners beforehand, and yes I want them as a peace of mind/insurance for my well being and the relationship.

AllPeopleMatter · 2019-03-31T01:16:53+00:00

Nope: I'd be more than happy to oblige, in that scenario.

It's all part and parcel of being a healthy sexual adult to know your status.

But I would advise the woman in question - for the record - that if she wanted to know if I was HIV negative, that it can take up to a year for antibodies to show up, and as such, we wouldn't be fucking for a full year.

Sprach_McGrachan · 2019-03-27T22:26:49+00:00

you go on a one week business trip. when you come home your wife refuses to have sex with you until you get the results of a full STD panel including HIV

would you be offended by this request?

Yes, I would probably be offended, but also taken aback by how bazaar and weird such a request would be.

To the OP: Look, I get that this thread is another thought experiment where we're all supposed to have an epiphany about ourselves. And I am sure that you see yourself as a self-styled philosophizer of philosophies, but you really come off as a dweeb.

I mean, what is your next thread going to be about?

Let me see if I can guess: Q4Men: would you be offended if your wife had a double mastectomy with out consulting you first?

Yeah, that sounds like something you would ask -- A silly thought experiment where the men are supposed to have a revelation concerning their patriarchal privileges concerning female body autonomy.

fuckdr11 · 2019-03-27T22:32:57+00:00

you go on a one week business trip. when you come home your wife refuses to have sex with you until you get the results of a full STD panel including HIV

I hope my future wife isn't ignorant enough to think that HIV would show up on a test less than a week after infection.

RickWilsonsBuck · 2019-03-27T22:42:29+00:00

as long as she did it with me, no

Title	Q4MEN ONLY Would you be offended?
Author	Atlas_B_Shruggin
Upvotes	40
Comments	258
Date	March 27, 2019 5:03 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b66qpm/q4men_only_would_you_be_offended/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4men-only-would-you-be-offended.256580 https://theredarchive.com/post/256580

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