Question for everyone: could you commit long term to a person that swiped you left on Tinder?

TheCounsellingGamer · 2022-12-29T05:32:27+00:00

Sure, pictures don't always do people justice. My partners profile pic wasn't that great because he's not really a picture kind of person. It was a hastily taken photo, in a badly lit restaurant bathroom, that really didn't do him any favours. I didn't swipe left on him because we met on a different dating site. I reached out to him because I liked what he'd written on his profile. For all the lack of effort he'd made with the photo, his actual profile put all the others I'd read to shame. When I met him in real life he was a lot more attractive than his picture suggested.

I've never used Tinder but from what I've seen it seems to chuck loads of profiles at you, one after the other. This could cause people to swipe left (or right) without really paying much attention to what they're looking at.

northernlights190 · 2022-12-29T05:06:47+00:00

Yeah for sure. Wouldn’t bother me at all, I’d think it was funny. And if anything, if he’d swiped left on me but was super into me after meeting IRL I’d take that as a compliment — like hell yeah, I’m more charming and fun and sexy than my awkward photos suggest.

There are lots of people I have been wildly attracted to when meeting them IRL but probably would not have swiped if I’d only seen them on the apps, which is part of the reason I quit the apps and focused on meeting people IRL instead.

Apps don’t always give the vibe of a person, some people aren’t photogenic, and the raw chemistry that can make you most sexually attracted to someone doesn’t always make itself known when you’re just going by a picture and a few words and a bio.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-12-29T06:48:12+00:00

Yes I would, dating profiles are so shit it’s so hard to really get the measure of someone

Would make a funny story.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2022-12-29T05:39:46+00:00

Rejecting someone based on a five second look at a picture isn't the same as rejecting someone after getting to know them in person. Women's attraction is very complex and its difficult to create attraction with a picture. And most men don't have good pictures. But when she meets you, talks with you, and gets to know you thats when the real attraction happens.

NockerJoe · 2022-12-29T04:55:48+00:00

I don't bother to remember the women I don't match to begin with. Letting all those people live in your head rent free is kinda silly. Especially since you can't know if its a left swipe or they never saw your profile.

West-Ad-9697 · 2022-12-29T08:53:08+00:00

It's a game, you fucking muppet!

Stop taking tinder so damn serious. Women can love and hate you and then love you again within 30 minutes based on just what you say or how you touch them.

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-12-29T04:55:04+00:00

Sure. People come off differently online vs in person. I was a stranger to him, it wasn't personal. Frankly I'd date someone who previously rejected me irl too. As long as they like me now I don't care.

Longjumping-Prior-90 · 2022-12-29T06:30:33+00:00

For me yeah. lots of reasons she could've swiped left not directly related to my looks. Is she attracted to me here and now? If yes, then we good.

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2022-12-29T07:30:33+00:00

Yes because not finding your online profile attractive does not mean they did not find you attractive when they met you in person.

im_a_hufflepuff_ · 2022-12-29T07:35:42+00:00

This literally happened to me and my partner. I remembered swiping left on him because I spent a good two minutes trying to figure out if his photos sucked or if he really looked like that. Moral of the story: selfie angles are important.

LoverBaite · 2022-12-29T07:25:12+00:00

it's just some pixels. you're doubling more on your photography skills than to anything else at this point.

neetykeeno · 2022-12-29T08:12:07+00:00

Sure, if I was in the market for a relationship

He swiped left for reasons then he meets me in person in an environment more conducive to paying attention and discovers those reasons weren't such a big deal. That's sort of how fleeting contact vs extended contact works a lot of the time.

I mean let's say he thinks " she looks so disagreeable" then we meet at a party and yeah I am a bad tempered bitch but we spend half an hour together beating up verbally on some idiot of a Jordan Peterson fan. See how this works?

Anyhow I wish all you guys luck finding someone who didn't have to look twice. Personally I think you're handicapping yourselves but hey, it's your life to live.

ManWazo · 2022-12-29T04:54:14+00:00

By swiping left, the woman would indicate to me that she doesn’t find me physically attractive and I’m not about to sign up to a life of being a sexual consolation prize.

No it means that your profile sucks, maybe you had bad pictures or uncreative bio? Either way, that's an ideal opportunity to learn.

I'd date someone who swiped me left, it doesn't hurt my feelings.

2022-12-29T07:45:15+00:00

I dated somebody i super liked on bumble because she looked cute and reserved and said in her bio that she didn’t do hookups because she’s a demisexual. (I am too).

The first time we met she said she found me kinda ugly on pictures but crazy attractive irl. I honestly understood what she meant because i used pictures from when i was 16-17 (i was 19 at the time but that’s the last time i took a picture of myself).

We ended up dating for about 4 months but never went further than cuddling and split up because we had very different plans for our future.

Gravel_Roads · 2022-12-29T08:49:09+00:00

Sure. I'm an introvert, I tend to be "No" on most people most of the time as well. If we met and we clicked, it's something we'd probably laugh about later.

(My current LTR and I used to be like... rivals. Now we're inseparable. Changing dynamics keeps things feeling fresh.)

GVM3SnakeBeater · 2022-12-29T16:10:50+00:00

could you commit long term to a person that swiped you left on Tinder?

That is a good question.

After some thought this is my answer: I would not commit long term to a person that swipes on Tinder at all, left or right.

Tinder is a Flesh Market, plain and simple. It would be risky attaching to a person that has experience viewing their fellow human as a commodity through a phone screen.

RahLyt · 2022-12-29T20:31:20+00:00

I'd certainly fuck, but I wouldn't date.

anon018274031 · 2022-12-29T10:18:45+00:00

You strongly misunderstand female attraction.

I don’t find ANYONE sexually attractive from a photo, it’s why online dating was so confusing for me. Had to just go by the prompts and some objective attractive things I’d found in the past.

In person however I can find the exact same people very attractive- it’s the way they carry themselves, the things they say, their smile. The way someone animates their body is what most women find physical attraction to be based on.

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-12-29T05:01:56+00:00

Yes I would.

I dated a guy a swiped left on on Bumble. I was swiping and then met him in person literally 15min later and he was soooo much better in person.

calfshrug · 2022-12-29T05:22:26+00:00

I fell in love with a woman who wasn’t my first choice among the matches I had on tinder. I don’t remember but ONE of the others than the woman I fell in love with, whom I had at the time,to this day. And that one I remember? She’s a mess, and not attractive. I do remember a lot of other matches, but none did I have any connection with, or were very interested in me, or I otherwise ruined chances of going anywhere with them (year one of dating for me)

That being said, just because a person isn’t your first choice, or even close, or just because you didn’t immediately feel drawn to them based on a few photos alone - that doesn’t mean that you won’t be drawn to them if you were to meet them under different circumstances. I really think I’m more competitive in real life than over virtual

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2022-12-29T06:40:11+00:00

I swiped right on an acquaintance once. Didn't match with her, but we ended up being FWBs for a year due to entirely unrelated circumstances. She mentioned seeing me on Tinder and swiping left a couple months in, but evidently she did end up finding me physically attractive enough to exclusively sleep with for a year.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-12-29T06:44:26+00:00

Depends. I know people including myself who look better irl than in pics. If she looks better in person then I could give her a shot. Who knows?

SDW137 · 2022-12-29T06:53:54+00:00

I personally wouldn't care that they swiped left.

phuck_polyeV · 2022-12-29T07:13:35+00:00

A (bad) tinder profile has never been the be all end all of physical attraction..

Unless you’re paying for tinder gold or platinum there’s no guarantee that she’s even seen your profile. The algorithm prioritizes people who pay. And swipes and attention is limited.

truthstobetold · 2022-12-29T10:11:37+00:00

What, of cause I could! There is many reasons for someone swiping left. Maybe a friend was doing it for them, maybe they had a bad experience with someone similar, either by look or by the text.

You cannot judge a book by it's cover, but tinder force you to do that. Some people are really bad at making covers.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-12-29T12:14:43+00:00

Sure. I think OLD is horribly flawed and it’s hard to get the feel of someone from just a still photo. If they swiped left, it would just confirm what I already know - I am not particularly photogenic and am much cuter in person.

bluestjuice · 2022-12-29T13:33:04+00:00

It wouldn’t bother me. If anything it would confirm my suspicion that swiping people into bins based on a ten-second interaction with a photo or two is not an ideal way to find partners.

gate18 · 2022-12-29T13:49:40+00:00

You have no idea why she swiped left. None.

And, even though you think you know why you swipe left, you don't either.

It could be anything from what the photo was lit, to whether you were hungry when you swiped.

The idea that my commitment would be based on a swipe is so funny to me.

TotalTravesty · 2022-12-29T13:50:49+00:00

Yes, but then again I don’t let self-conscious hang ups fuck up good things in my life.

DoinIt989 · 2022-12-29T13:57:42+00:00

Yes, I've accidently swiped left on girls I thought looked amazing on Tinder several times because I was in a "groove" of swiping left on a bunch of duds in a row. I guarantee women do the same.

ColonelGray · 2022-12-29T14:10:44+00:00

No-Rough-7390 · 2022-12-29T16:35:56+00:00

Dating apps and choosing people based off of looks alone is a woman’s playing field. Meeting in real life and having game is a guy’s.

Old me may have said no because of her initial impression, however I’ve been in scenarios where a woman changed her mind about me in real time as I’ve been talking with other people/women and the experience is pretty great.

KayRay1994 · 2022-12-29T04:58:12+00:00

tinder is just an app, not to be taken seriously. Besides, there could be a billion explanations why she swiped left - maybe i simply look better in person, maybe my pictures didn’t give the best impression of me, maybe my whole account didn’t how the right vibe and so on and so on.

Point is, its just an app - irl is always the priority so frankly it has no impact on things - if anything i’ll have a bit of pride that I ended up winning her over + it would affirm the idea that these apps aren’t the end all be all when it comes to dating.

Treacle-Flimsy · 2022-12-29T07:34:14+00:00

Not a chance. It automatically implies that she is way less interested in me than vice versa . It's literally digging your own grave

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-12-29T06:16:46+00:00

Hell no.

I will never commit to a woman who swipe me left on Tinder because she's basically saying that I'm not a first option for her and I could never commit to a woman long-term who doesn't see me as a first option.

I never want to be a man that a woman settled for.

If a woman swipes left on me even if she changes her mind the most that she could ever get from me is a Friends with benefits relationship. For me she is for recreational use only.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-12-29T06:46:10+00:00

Nope, see ya

renfsu · 2022-12-29T08:15:21+00:00

I'm just here to add.

Women in tinder pretty much date up. It's hypergamy on steroids.

Irl women date either equals or up. There's some hypergamy but it's not like tinder.

Therefore your "looks match" can see you as unworthy on tinder but find you attractive irl.

AutoModerator · 2022-12-29T04:46:58+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Aiizimor · 2022-12-29T05:03:34+00:00

I ended up dating someone for many years when i initially didn't like them. One of my best friends is also someone i didnt like at first. Sometimes a bad first impression doesnt mean that much

drew8311 · 2022-12-29T05:20:07+00:00

Who would ever remember this

DrBoby · 2022-12-29T06:06:55+00:00

Anyone using OLD is a loser. And I'm not interested long term in anyone who used it.

Anykindofland · 2022-12-29T08:01:53+00:00

If she swiped left on me 5 years ago and now suddenly shows interest, thats a clear sign of settling. She “matured” up which is normally a code for “Her other options dried up now that she is older” and now she is forced to go after guys she thought beneath her.

2022-12-29T08:51:08+00:00

I've thought guys on tinder were not attractive, them met them in person and found them very attractive. Some people aren't photogenic or don't know how to take good pictures.

imyoung_44 · 2022-12-29T09:00:07+00:00

I rather be with a person who changed opinion on me over my personality than to stay long term just cuz that person liked my pics

Mistress-Eve- · 2022-12-29T09:02:00+00:00

My friend is engaged to a girl who swiped left on her on tinder (lesbians).

My friend wasn’t her usual type so she didn’t swipe right on her pics … but they met in person and it was an instant connection.

They’re very happy together and super in love.

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-12-29T09:18:04+00:00

Of course, online pictures and dating are just never going to come near to meeting the person in actual life. You can’t know if you’ll have chemistry or how their mannerisms are going to be until you meet them.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-12-29T09:24:19+00:00

I'd have to problem with it. I've seen the profiles of some people I have been attracted to, and I can't say I'd be all too enthusiastic to swipe right if I came across them. Especially based on their pictures. Most people are shit at representing themselves in a profile. Plus people often aren't swiped left on just for liking their looks in their pictures (which often don't seem like their real looks) - they might have an empty bio or be too far away or something which causes the problem. In my stint trying and failing to use apps, the only filtering I did based on pictures was seeing if they had one to show they were real and whether they seemed a healthy weight, everything else could wait.

Admirable-Panic2626 · 2022-12-29T10:07:17+00:00

Something different (cause I never really used apps).

When my bf and I first met it was not at all love at first sight. He wasn't into me and I wasn't into him. We didn't even start to hang out until like a few months later due to mutual friends.

Our attraction grew as we got to know each other as friends, and this can also happen to people who swipe left on each other on apps.

Ainsleygz · 2022-12-29T11:18:10+00:00

I’d swipe left on someone for something as minimal as a band they like. So as long as they don’t make me listen to it constantly, and were great otherwise, yes

pearllovespink · 2022-12-29T11:43:05+00:00

It’s just an app. Relax. Most people are more attractive in person anyway.

YveisGrey · 2022-12-29T12:28:03+00:00

I would! Haha I would actually think that was funny. I don’t take Tinder or dating apps that serious and there’s a million reasons why someone might swipe left on a profile. It’s totally different meeting someone in person

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-12-29T14:22:41+00:00

This is interesting, Because I’ve smashed 2 girls who initially rejected me in the past but I never entered a LTR with them

despisedlove2 · 2022-12-29T14:39:43+00:00

You can't base serious decisions like that on someone's actions on Tinder.

Status-Storage6511 · 2022-12-29T14:48:53+00:00

Men not having standards and being with a woman who would swipe left is why divorce is so high.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-12-29T14:59:27+00:00

Im not into self sabotage so I would not have in issue with it. Im not that photogenic anyways and look way better in person. My warn happy go lucky personality wont shine as much in a bio either over meeting me.

wtknight · 2022-12-29T15:39:39+00:00

Sure. That would just be a picture and short profile that she's swiping on. That's not fully who I am in person.

King-SAMO · 2022-12-29T15:45:26+00:00

Sure, as long as she was the one asking me out. Seriously, if you met such a girl and she was like “bro, no cap you’re actually pretty cute and funny, but your profile is a mess, give me your camera for a second…” and then she fixed your profile, you would say yes if she asked you out. But yeah, without her making a few blatant, obvious, and difficult to misconstrue gestures towards seducing me, it would be a bit of a lift to make that relationship happen.

but hold on; without her making a few blatant, obvious, and difficult to misconstrue gestures towards seducing me, it’s always a bit of a lift to make that relationship happen.

SoldierExcelsior · 2022-12-29T17:37:43+00:00

Yes because as a man Tinder only works if your a Chad I'm talking Thor God like looks I know my power lies in personal interactions with a woman not my IPhone 4 photos...Most say I look better in person anyway....and let's be honest I'm trying to get laid if she swipes left then changes her mind later IDGAF.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-12-29T18:32:02+00:00

I could. My profile pics suck.

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-12-29T19:29:12+00:00

yeah bc i've been with multiple men i thought were the sexiest men in the world that i didn't really look twice at the first time we met. i think that's how attraction works. then again, men tell me they are pigs so idk.

MC-Purp · 2022-12-29T19:46:19+00:00

Yeah, if things were going well.

Otfd · 2022-12-29T19:57:38+00:00

I suck ass at taking pictures. I look goofy, but I feel like I am a good looking guy otherwise and have plenty of confidence in appearance outside of pictures at least.

Also, in general I suck at making a good profile or sharing on it etc.

So I 100% could see this happening to me and not being an issue at all.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2022-12-29T20:29:06+00:00

I met my ex in person and only saw his dating profile a little later when we went to check our OKC compatibility score, and then again after we broke up when I spotted him on Tinder. He did not present himself well, to an extent that I probably would have swiped left on him even though I found him astoundingly attractive in person.

Online dating men is wild because it's common for them to show up looking much worse or much better than they do in person and you literally never know which one you're gonna get. From what I've been told women either show up looking worse or about the same.

goffredo123 · 2022-12-29T20:44:06+00:00

I knew my actual gf on tinder. I'm gonna lie if I don't say that if she wouldn't be virgin I wouldn't trusted about her purity and serious intention. She had really ugly pic compared to her beauty, and her very followed instagram account.

BoogersAndSugar · 2022-12-30T20:49:21+00:00

It depends. If we met in person and her attraction comes across as the settling kind, yeah, I wouldn't be interested. Like others have said, though, some guys just aren't photogenic and look better in real life.

Title	Question for everyone: could you commit long term to a person that swiped you left on Tinder?
Author	CaptainObvious4000
Upvotes	9
Comments	178
Date	December 29, 2022 4:46 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zxw1kk/question_for_everyone_could_you_commit_long_term/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-everyone-could-you-commit-long-term.1145382 https://theredarchive.com/post/1145382

Comments