Rough/degrading sex

wtknight · 2020-03-19T01:26:33+00:00

Flaired Question for Women. Question for Blue Pill Women is not a possible flair.

cloudydays84 · 2020-03-18T21:42:44+00:00

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Orange_Paisley · 2020-03-18T21:19:00+00:00

Rough sex is not necessarily degrading sex and degrading sex does not necessarily have to be rough. Anyway everyone has their particular kinks, the key is to find someone whose kinks are compatible with yours.

OddButton6 · 2020-03-18T22:42:09+00:00

I was going to make a post about this article when I read it... All I have to say is communicate, communicate, communicate, and communicate with your partner about your wants and needs. Otherwise it’s all downhill.

rus9384 · 2020-03-18T23:23:15+00:00

I'm a blue woman and also into 'rough sex'.

My only issue is men using 'extreme' acts in real life without discussing it with the woman first. My friend teachers sex education at school and you would be surprised at how many teenagers do not know that you need to ask a girl before cumin on her face or sodomising her.

In short - there's lots of filthy women out there for sure, but 'extreme' sex should always be discussed first. Because what 'rough' moves a women likes vary, and some women don't like any rough sex at all. For example I like spanking (to a point where it shows marks on my arse) but I fucking hate hair pulling and would absolutely hate it if someone spontaneously did that to me.

There is stuff in porn that isn't 'rough' but would certainly be considered 'bad' sex by some women. Certain positions that do nothing for us, lack of foreplay, hard and fast fingering, no lube before anal are a few that come to mind.

Whiteliesmatter1 · 2020-03-18T21:48:01+00:00

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jlp21617 · 2020-03-18T22:36:44+00:00

I am as "blue" as you can be I guess, but I like rough sex. I won't flip on someone who doesn't like it tho. As long as they don't push it onto others, people are welcome to have whatever kinks they like

Thetrvler · 2020-03-19T06:59:15+00:00

The “pornsick” bs is just from insecure women who’ve always had severe self esteem issues and just found something else to blame for their inadequacies. Men can do the same thing with women’s sex toys.

The reality is it depends on the woman. I’ve always been the really degrading type in sex. There are women in compatible with and some I’m not. Nobody completely wins every time. I will say this- women ALWAYS have a spot for me after I either “awakened” them to wanting to be spit on, choked, pissed on, etc. I can almost predict the ones who’ve never had it, felt a bit awkward about trying it for the 1st time for me, tried to go back to a “vanilla” guy, realize he’s way too soft and need more, then come back to me (I have a 35 year old going through this now. She supposedly fell in love with some guy but is still trying to come around me).

DontNeedMuchMoney · 2020-03-18T22:30:02+00:00

Rough yes, Degrading? Nope

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-03-19T01:15:00+00:00

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goatismycopilot · 2020-03-18T21:16:25+00:00

Like most here I am purple, rough degrading sex does not appeal to me. You picked somebody with issues and as a result she cheated, she would have cheated for another reason you are just assuming it was that.

superlurkage · 2020-03-18T22:15:19+00:00

I don’t know; I’ll be honest, along with height, this is one of those things that I don’t understand about female sexuality at all. I wish we had some reliable data on how many women are into these acts, but haven’t a clue as to how it could be gathered in an accurate manner

Whiteliesmatter1 · 2020-03-18T22:47:24+00:00

Women like rough sex is similar way men become adrenaline junkies or people enjoy rollercoasters or horror flicks. Its within the realm of safety and is false danger. Both men and women can also enjoy porn, as well as end up addicted to it.

The issue with porn though (other than the vast amounts of sex trafficking within the industry, the lack if age verification (especially on pornbub), the surgeries some studio's will push in their actor/actresses, and the fact most porn stars are coerced into it with by being told their showing up for a modeling or normal acting gig, and are trapped there with force until the pron is filmed, and the fact most ""willing"" actors/actresses are never paid, etc) is the fact it misleads men to think that most women enjoy the progressively more violent porn that they (men) view. It's an addiction and addicts will need worse and worse shit to get off, even for women who are addicted.

It also normalizes everyday violence and incest (like the other day that relationship advice sub had a 14 yr old talking about her 12 yr brother discussing porn and grabbing her butt). It also gives individuals unattainable body goals for both men and women. For men it's the hugely buff man with an 8 in dick and for women it's the flat tummy big titty and ass w/a tight ago and virtually nonexistent labia.

The labia issue in particular has seen a rise in women as young as 23 seeking ""rejuvenation"" surgeries to get their labia removed because they're told it's not natural and wrong to have one, and that having one must mean you're a slut, even though larger labors have been a norm throughout human history.

The final issue would be relating back to the violence thing and men. If younger and younger men are seeing this, especially while developing, it fucks them up. I remember in 9th grade a guy only dated me because I fit his thigh fetish and he regularly got pisses I would have some kinky ass sex with him even though I barely knew him and didnt even wanna kiss him. This was in 9th grade, may I remind you. Alot of men see porn and think "this is fonr and normal and what I should do to a partner" while going from vanilla sex, to bdsm, to torture, to electrocution, age differences, and theres a rumor going around about the whole guro sub's fetish if intense gore leading to some violent deaths on mexico when they were filming.

Theres also the fact some murderers have tried using "it was kinky sex" as an excuse in court for having strangled a partner to death.

Also the majority of all porn companies are owned by a company called MindGeek.

YtBlue · 2020-03-19T02:59:39+00:00

I think your confusing rough and being dominated. All girls love being domimated not necessarily all like it "rough"

EerieLaughter · 2020-03-19T04:16:45+00:00

Not an issue at all in my opinion; whatever both consenting adults are into is all fair game in my books.

If you’re in a relationship, you just work through things together to find what works and what doesn’t. Personally, I’d want to make sure my partner is satisfied, and I’m open minded about going along with things as long as it isn’t too freaky for me or a major turnoff lmao no golden showers or drawing blood thanks

If your S.O. would cheat on you for a reason such as what you describe, they probably weren’t good anyway. Basically anyone that cheats is trash. In your situation, I think it’s fair to assume there were more underlying issues in the relationship than just a difference in bedroom kinks.

flamingoinghome · 2020-03-19T15:14:50+00:00

What men like isn't the issue so much as what they expect. A guy who likes slapping and stuff? Fine. A guy who just ASSUMES I like slapping and stuff without even checking in? Emphatically not okay.

brit-md · 2020-03-18T22:11:15+00:00

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_nephila · 2020-03-18T22:12:09+00:00

I'm sorry your ex cheated, OP. I think it boils down to incompatibility and lack of self-awareness in both sexes.

But I am curious about something else: why can't you (general you) respect your partner but also give her degrading and rough sex? I fully understand if that's just not your cuppa period, but if you both like it, why isn't she inspiring those feelings in you?

Are men in general capable of compartmentalizing sex or do they see a woman and either place her in the "Object" box or the "Person" box and there is no further introspection?

wtknight · 2020-03-18T22:25:47+00:00

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Graciey48 · 2020-03-19T03:39:29+00:00

Women love rough/degrading sex. Too many female forums have shown me that.

The consensual non-con is probs one of the fastest growing kinks. Rape fantasies are all too common.

They won't admit to it though.

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Mrs_Drgree · 2020-03-19T00:01:38+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2020-03-19T01:01:44+00:00

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somegenerichandle · 2020-03-19T04:43:21+00:00

Sorry that your ex cheated on you. Mimoxs and Toss_Away_My_Body both made many excellent points. Rough is different that degrading. And I kind of think that rough is code for passionate and/or more energetic. Someone can be rough without feeling much passion, and rough probably scares off less men.

alexaxl · 2020-03-19T04:48:23+00:00

Humans are the only species over thinking and discussing, analysing something that must come naturally.

Slow vs fast, Soft vs Hard, Rough vs Smooth etc are all flavours of Play; lost when you overthink it or “choose” with a preference list.

Porn does have an unnatural influence, but so does the opposite; prudishness?? Or abstinence (can’t remember word - star) .. over indulgence or over resistance to natural flow

Yet, the energies of people must Play together to let their energies of all varieties get expression so that when the games are over there is silence, peace & some level of bliss.

People need to stop thinking & discussing and start “being”. And the being will have feedback loops, meaning sense & feel the play - for all the ups & downs or variety the involved parties, the space, time & moments bring forth; out as well as within.

00Starved00 · 2020-03-19T07:40:19+00:00

Say it with me now: Consent If everyone is okay with what’s is taking place, it has been discussed and there are safe words, gucci. Spitting, Slapping, Choking etc without consent is not okay. Dear male folk, please learn the difference. You can’t do these things to anyone in the middle of vanilla sex without causing trauma to your parter.

ieatassonfirstdate · 2020-03-19T09:32:38+00:00

my issue with the argument that porn is degrading for women... do this people ignore that gay porn exists

or what a gimp is

or what getting pegged is

or what sounding is

or scat

men get treated like literal dogs, fooked in the ass, in the peehole, shit n peed on, balls electrocuted, suffocated by asses...etc.etc.etc.

there's soooo much porn where men get degraded as well.

octocombo · 2020-03-19T19:07:14+00:00

Blue woman here. Both of the approaches you’ve described would be a red flag to me.

A guy who pushes for rough sex and doesn’t like anything else, maybe won’t take no for an answer (when this hasn’t been pre-negotiated) is acting like the woman should be his kink dispenser, which is dehumanizing. If a guy can only get off on rough sex, he should recognize that that’s a fetish, which is totally okay but should not be something he expects every woman he gets with to be into.

A guy who says he won’t have rough sex because it’s too disrespectful of the woman is being patronizing and not allowing her to make her own call about what she wants, which is also dehumanizing. It’s different if the guy doesn’t want to have rough sex because _he _ doesn’t like how it feels from his end. That’s his call. But OP it sounds like you’re talking about being unwilling to try rough sex due to a misguided idea that it would be harming the woman even when she has communicated that is what she wants. This is a variant of slut-shaming.

Personally, I do not have a problem with rough sex, but I definitely like it better when I’m being rough with him than vice versa, and if he wants to treat me roughly that can’t be more than about once or twice a month because I don’t want to be constantly injured and it can take a week or two to heal. I’m also fine with more vanilla though, my partner of the past several years isn’t into causing or receiving pain, and he is the most lovely and sexually fulfilling <3 <3 <3

unicorns- · 2020-03-19T20:09:11+00:00

I like rough sex, a lot. I wouldn't be compatible with someone who couldn't bring themselves to do it, even occasionally. I wouldn't cheat on someone over it, but I don't think I'd stay in a relationship like that.

AggravatingTartlet · 2020-03-19T01:26:45+00:00

I swear PPD is being taken over by people who want to talk about rough or degrading sex.

Mimoxs · 2020-03-19T03:14:58+00:00

I do find myself attracted to "rough" sex and BDSM, and I'm trying to unlearn that, because I realize that I was not naturally attracted to it, it was ingrained in me once I was exposed to porn and predators.

A lot of women who enjoy extremely rough sex are not mentally healthy, and a lot of women who cheat are not mentally healthy, nonetheless, cheating is always wrong and unjustifiable.

But I think you're conflating two separate issues. There is the level of "rough" women tend to like and that is usually not the level you see feminists discussing. Women's "rough" is usually hair pulling, slapping, spanking, rope...

They're not the type of sex acts usually discussed in feminist circles. In those circles, you see men who get off to videos of women being stabbed, abused, cut, hit, bleeding, electrocuted, crying their eyes out, screaming for it to stop. Even in casual porn you see how this influences them, earlier today I saw a porn gif where the girl was crying just from size and asked them to stop but he slapped her and kept going, very disturbing, and the comments were full of degrading her, calling her a little bitch, laughing at her genuine pain. Videos like the "face abuse" producers genuinely treat the girls as subhuman. And you see the general attitude of porn addicted men on issues like the girlsdoporn scandal is very soulless and apathetic.

Pornsickness produces a group of men who are apathetic to women's humanity and laugh at their extreme, unwanted pain, it's not the same as women wanting to be spanked a bit.

wtknight · 2020-03-18T22:08:07+00:00

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wtknight · 2020-03-19T00:14:57+00:00

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wtknight · 2020-03-19T00:18:04+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2020-03-19T01:12:52+00:00

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A305 · 2020-03-19T06:12:35+00:00

Unleashing our animal instict.

mickenrorty · 2020-03-19T06:30:08+00:00

Degrading or rough... you miss the point. The man must be powerful and dominant. He must fuck with the embodiment of power... degrading her can communicate that power which is a turn on to her... but the degradation itself isn’t the critical factor

VixDzn · 2020-03-19T08:55:38+00:00

Rough sex is awesome but to each their own. Sorry you got cheated on, she sucks.

To answer your question, no, this isn't an issue, everyone has their kinks, some people are sexually compatible; some aren't... I don't think there's a greater question to be answered, really.

0seagirl · 2020-03-19T14:31:49+00:00

It's a problem when men don't ask you what you want and do something just because porn or an ex "taught them what women want". That's the big issue I have with all this: Men being poor communicators and just trying stuff out on us like it's fine to do anything until we stop them. Kinks function the same way for women as they do men: We're all completely different, and have different kinks / fetishes / fantasies / desires / ways we want to be treated.

Every woman doesn't like to be treated roughly during sex, but some women do. It isn't the desire of every woman to be sexually degraded, so discussion about boundaries, and communication about kinks before the act is vital. I feel like this should go without saying, but I've never been with a single man who bothered with this - they just did shit to me until I told them to stop, which is frankly just really atrocious behavior.

As long as it's consensual and no one is in any actual danger, I think what people choose to do sexually between each other is fine.

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2020-03-19T15:05:58+00:00

Porn sex usually involves activities that are only fun and pleasurable from the male side or exist only to look good for the camera. The rest is rough sex.

-TheGreasyPole- · 2020-03-19T20:22:04+00:00

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slavicgypsygirl · 2020-03-19T22:31:40+00:00

I don't identify as any pill but do enjoy certain types of sexual debasement with certain people

i_have_a_semicolon · 2020-03-20T01:45:35+00:00

Not a blue woman, but am a woman. I don't really want my husband to go out of his comfort zone and do sex he's not into doing. If it's not good for him it's not good for me either! I think a lot of the super kinky stuff is reserved for other women, not me. I'll watch it and come in like two seconds tho

MentleGentlemen098 · 2020-03-20T03:35:04+00:00

Those women are retarded

2020-03-22T00:53:58+00:00

Survey after survey confirms that women's number one fantasy is rape play. This is true around the world. Whoever said women don't want rough and degrading sex is a moron or a liar.

boom_land_mind · 2020-04-03T04:56:54+00:00

Honestly, it's all about sexual compatibility. No one is right or wrong when it comes to this situation (other than your ex girlfriend, who is a terrible person). Its wrong no matter what to cheat on your partner, even if they are sexually incompatible. If sexual compatibility is such a big deal to someone, like your ex, they should just leave.

Whiteliesmatter1 · 2020-05-05T16:42:35+00:00

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NarniaFox · 2020-03-19T05:15:30+00:00

People should discuss their kinks and boundaries and ask for consent. Even if most of your partners really liked you being rough and degrading, it doesn't mean that every new partner would be into the same stuff that your previous ones were. I think it's quite easy to comprehend.

memalfoy · 2020-03-18T22:01:02+00:00

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AggravatingTartlet · 2020-03-19T04:27:12+00:00

It's not what I think. It's what the research says that matters.

Women who are into submissive, degrading sex are far more likely to also like to dominate their partners sexually at times than other women.

They are also more likely than other women to have been abused as children. Men act out. Women act "in".

wtknight · 2020-03-18T22:24:56+00:00

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wtknight · 2020-03-18T22:54:34+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2020-03-18T23:29:30+00:00

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RF111164 · 2020-03-19T16:43:18+00:00

dunno what "pill" i am but being submissive in anyway to a man during sex is just a turn off/really uncomfortable

Title	Rough/degrading sex
Author	Whiteliesmatter1
Upvotes	89
Comments	387
Date	March 18, 2020 9:05 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/fkx6dl/roughdegrading_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/roughdegrading-sex.356249 https://theredarchive.com/post/356249

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