The three date rule exists for a reason.

FireRapper · 2022-04-11T12:18:08+00:00

Personally speaking as a college guy, I don’t want to have sex until in a committed relationship regardless of # of dates. But at the same time, I have no interest in dating someone who hooks up casually and doesn’t share my value of intimacy. Doesn’t mean being shy about physical escalation, but the requirements are different depending on your values.

KirthWGersen · 2022-04-11T11:21:58+00:00

I think we live on different planets. You can't tell if someone would make a compatible partner after one date or after 3, 10 or 20. Unless your standards are very low.

I can fall in love in a moment. And I can want to have sex immediately. But I don't start to feel love for many months or even years. "Clicking" is meaningless: it just means you are attracted to the person's personality and body. It has nothing to do with compatibility.

You need to see someone over a very long period before you even consider partnership: after you have met their friends and family, seen how they react in different situations, in joy and adversity, at home and on holiday, after periods of absence, after knowing how they handle their finances, etc. Most importantly: after the feeling of being in love has worn off and limerance has ended.

You can have sex with anyone and, in my opinion, it is better to start as soon as possible, to see if you are sexually compatible. But sex is one thing; relationships another; and partnership quite another thing again.

grandekravazza · 2022-04-11T12:47:22+00:00

Wtf no. Almost every relationship I've had grew with me over time as I got to know the person. The instant chemistry/knowing at a first glance is a myth straight out of a cheap movie.

BrazenRaizen · 2022-04-11T12:31:18+00:00

Disagree. Had sex the first time we met - chemistry was off the charts.

Been together 12+ years.

bostonstrong1981 · 2022-04-11T15:06:31+00:00

Don’t people get tired of debating the same topics every day?

There’s obviously going to be a wide variety of answers based on the individual. And those answers will range depending on religious beliefs, cultural background, upbringing, and personal preferences.

Personally, I slept with my now husband 6 days after meeting him. We’ve been together for 12 years and married for 10. I called my mom after our first date and told her I just met the man I’m going to marry. She told me to slow it down. I didn’t listen.

Do what feels right for you.

johnnyferrera · 2022-04-11T14:35:10+00:00

This is the biggest problem men have with AF/BB, they don't want to be treated like second class citizens.

Reisiluu · 2022-04-11T12:58:11+00:00

Can men determine if a woman is marriage material within 3 dates? Why would I have sex with them before that?

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-04-11T14:36:43+00:00

Nah, I just wait until I'm 99.9% certain I won't regret having sex with them. Sometimes that takes a few weeks, sometimes it's immediately.

Eastuss · 2022-04-11T11:59:25+00:00

What's the context for this post? Is anybody denying there are reasons for people to do anything?

2022-04-11T14:00:39+00:00

How to get the high n counts you loathe so much.

YouAskedIt · 2022-04-11T11:10:58+00:00

People looking for serious relationships without casual sex are not going to have sex 3 dates into it.

2022-04-11T14:54:43+00:00

I mean, I'm one of the more traditional people here and I think 3 months is a bit mental. 3 dates or so is pretty standard and usually enough of an emotional connection has been established to feel comfortable enough taking that step.

DerekMorganBAUx · 2022-04-11T22:22:30+00:00

It’s a very arbitrary rule though and pretty neurotic if you’re attracted to the guy smash and have fun and see where it goes it ain’t that deep

januaryphilosopher · 2022-04-11T11:55:44+00:00

How many times have you been right about how you'll see someone in the future after your first three meetings? Within three dates I could maybe tell if I'm likely to have sex with someone in the future, but I'm nowhere near comfortable enough to do it now (unless I interact with them a lot outside of official dates). All I can tell in a couple of hours on a date is if this person is really obviously a bad fit and doesn't try to hide it, but trust and connection take time. As does love, which may not be a necessary requirement you have for sex but it is for a lot of people. As is being in a relationship in the first place rather than doing things the wrong way around.

KekeSmall · 2022-04-11T11:14:27+00:00

smaran13 · 2022-04-11T11:43:52+00:00

If I’m looking for something long term, then 3 dates is too soon. Maybe a kiss or long drawn making out by the third/fourth Time we meet. Considering the chemistry and connection is also building up over texts/phone calls etc.

Never really been into casual things so idk about that.

geometersbane · 2022-04-11T14:01:00+00:00

Nope. Sexual attraction is of utmost importance and is the basis for all serious relationships. If sexual attraction is present, it's only a matter of time before the sex happens. We're looking at one week tops.

3 months? What a joke LOL

Out_Of_Bitches · 2022-04-11T14:34:16+00:00

The first date is to ask her if she's a virgin, the other two are to figure out if she's lying.

RealNiceLady · 2022-04-11T11:39:37+00:00

You should wait until marriage before having sex. It is a filter for guys that aren't serious, and having sex within 3 dates is why women's numbers are so high. If men feel the way you do, then they should be willing to commit to high n count women.

ogsimpology · 2022-04-11T11:21:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2022-04-11T13:21:47+00:00

sex is something really important to me i don’t even broach the subject until i’m absolutely sure the person is someone i want a serious relationship with. i’ve been talking to / dating a guy for about three months and we’re no where near the point of having sex but if someone doesn’t hold sex to the same importance of me i don’t think having sex early on is a bad sign for the relationship or intentions of either

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2022-04-11T15:23:30+00:00

I agree for attraction but not compatibility. The three date rule is the perfect for judging sexual attraction and desire. If it's been three dates and you haven't had sex, she's just not into you and you need to move on. As far as relationship compatibility goes, that takes a whole lot longer than three days.

KikiYuyu · 2022-04-11T17:30:30+00:00

Trust me, if you're really looking for a highly compatible partner, or "the one", you will be able to tell on the FIRST date

No. No no no. People are complex. Do you think going out one time with a person will tell you what it's like to live with them 24/7? People don't act one way all the time, they act different in different circumstances.

Not only that, but it's not as if you will have discussed everything possible on the first date. You can say "leave nothing unsaid", but then you'll just have a date where you two just talk for hours about what you want out of married life instead of actually enjoying each other's company.

What if there are incompatible beliefs or expectations? What if a person has a temper that was hidden on the first date? I could go on and on about all the red flags one might miss if one date was all it took.

Sex is the final thing that unlocks the relationship.

This makes you sound like a literal child.

Once you have it and you're happy, that's that. A romantic relationship is formed.

A relationship is not like a skill tree in a video game. There's no definitive roadmap with steps. The only thing that sex unlocks is making the romantic relationship sexual. There are other avenues to advance in besides that one.

ClaraBow01 · 2022-04-11T20:00:02+00:00

Problem is that there are people, typically guys, who only go to three dates with the intention of only having sex. If your relationship is built on sex, it’s going to fail.

Transmigratory · 2022-04-12T05:20:41+00:00

3 months.... you absolute monsters

purplish_possum · 2022-04-11T21:25:17+00:00

Sex isn't the final thing. It's the first thing. If a couple isn't sexually compatible nothing else matters.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-04-11T11:25:38+00:00

3 dates? You know within 15 mins of there is chemistry.

April0510 · 2022-04-11T13:49:17+00:00

I think part of why this rule is a thing is cause guys thing women fall in love with you and your dick instantly, or they “can’t detach feelings from sex.” Which is just not true. Some girls are like that, and even some guys are like that. Not a gender thing.

I’m part of the had sex early but still together with the person for a while now crowd. Some may say its “the exception, not the norm.” I think it has to do with respect, good intentions, maturity, and that special feeling (not the one in your pants) of just knowing even if its still early on. We were both people who don’t devalue someone for early sex (since we’d be participating in it too), aren’t even casual dating types usually, just felt it in the moment and had enough respect with each other that we felt comfortable and it all went well.

We had sex but actually held off on an actual commitment for some months. Were exclusive a month in but were making sure we didn’t rush into a relationship like we had in the past. It depends on your values too. I don’t think sex is something to take too lightly, but I don’t place it on a pedestal either. Anyone can have/want sex with you, as many here have stated, but really knowing someone and making a commitment to them should take some time.

So if you’re someone who gets attached too easily with sex, hold sex to a high degree of value, etc then sure, this rule could come in handy. I think the reason most relationships fizzle out though, isn’t because we had sex too soon! But because most people you date won’t be on a soulmate level. Those people are special, so statistically speaking you should be prepared for most dates to go nowhere or at least not end in a relationship (or the relationship not remaining a constant in your life).

sootlord · 2022-04-11T13:12:28+00:00

As a man I agree.

Not trying to virtue signal, but I like to push longer for sex past 3 dates just so I can safely feel that the attraction is genuine and mutual. Sounds counter productive but this how I try to vet for a better fit partner.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-04-11T22:34:50+00:00

3 dates is reasonable imo

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wtknight · 2022-04-11T13:27:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

MrMushySauce · 2022-04-11T14:36:40+00:00

I think that I would agree you know if you could date someone after just one date. That's been my experience lately. I'm LTR-shopping and it's pretty evident pretty quickly when someone isn't what I'd want.

But I disagree with the conclusion from that. Because it's easy to see if we're compatible, I expect sex quickly if we are. I'm looking for high interest off the bat, and someone who will put their eggs in my basket. Someone who's feeling what I'm feeling.

There's no bigger buzzkill than hearing the numerous excuses women make to not have sex, especially if it's coming from a girl I thought was cool.

sunkized · 2022-04-11T16:38:00+00:00

I'm saving myself for Jesus

Bdog5k · 2022-04-11T22:12:01+00:00

This post makes no sense.

Also, nobody wants to deal with a girl with “rules” that go out the window if she’s chasing someone she likes.

Comparability is something that changes over a lifetime. How could you figure that out in a night?

I could “ like” a girl after just seeing her. Seeing it I can deal with her is another thing, it’s also subject to change.

Lateralanouncer · 2022-04-11T23:01:43+00:00

I.might get shit for this reply. those that know, know. Your 20-30 years to late unless your dating virgins at high school and are not in the deregulated free for all sexual market i sugest you follow these steps. Step 1. to be in the game you must be top 20%, if not go monk mode. step 2 is vetting, did she make different rules for you. (Madona or whore). If not jump to step 3. If she did like many do. put her in the pipeline with the others and lower her priority to casual. Focus on other plates and or pipline. (To save time copy past texts etc). If she comes around and wants sex. Step 3. have sex, but keep other plates spinning and keep vetting. Understand womanez and read between the lines. be careful not to spend to much time with anyone woman or you may catch onitis for a woman that didnt qualify for ltr, 304, bpb, children etc. And remember, With casual woman realtionships are not formed as a result of sex. Despite what she thinks your the prize and what you think/feel matters don't let woman shame you into there frame/feeling. Step 4 concideration. casual past, pair bonding, sex is no big deal. Your also not special just the next guy penitrating her body, Note. She likely has a fuck buddy. If she drops her other fucks buddies and puts in the effort and stands out above the rest. And passes your vetting. Only then should you consider her for ltr.

mandoa_sky · 2022-04-12T02:13:55+00:00

only if you communicate regularly outside those dates.

closeness can't be built on knowing someone for 9 hours tops.

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2022-04-12T02:47:55+00:00

I have a three date rule, but most of the time I don't even bother going for a second date. Just be civil about it.

hellokittynyc1994 · 2022-04-12T19:06:08+00:00

Very hard agree. I had a lot of self esteem issues growing up and would have sex on the first date quite often. This caused major issues for me since I was so hung up on a guy that I had only really met ONCE, but the sex complicated it so much for me. I felt so rejected and really did not feel respected. I was so afraid of telling a guy I wanted to wait for sex and them being immediately disinterested in me, but then I thought: “wait isnt that the point?”

It also helps keep you light and breezy and being yourself while the getting to know each other period instead of bonded and obsessed. Bonus if you’re going on casual dates (not at either party’s house) with different people until you find one that stands out to you the most. This way you never get attached too quickly to any of them and you’re able to make a logical decision and follow your heart truthfully.

cryptothrow2 · 2022-04-15T01:33:07+00:00

The issue here is you'll end up the only guy having to wait.

Women think it's perfectly okay to make you wait 4 months for sex while they do raw CNC with a stranger off tinder. And they'll tell you you got the better deal. And of course no splitting bills

redditcleanslate · 2022-04-17T01:52:12+00:00

Ha! I wish you luck, becuase the way things are, the only men who will do that are the ones you likely won't want.

I married my girl and she put out on the first date, so have most of my friends. Sex really has no bearing on a relationship to anyone younger than 50

Title	The three date rule exists for a reason.
Author	ogsimpology
Upvotes	55
Comments	262
Date	April 11, 2022 10:42 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/u14sb6/the_three_date_rule_exists_for_a_reason/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-three-date-rule-exists-for-a-reason.1110364 https://theredarchive.com/post/1110364

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