What are the differences between hookup material, girlfriend material, and wife material?

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-02-28T12:24:28+00:00

Time to repost this:

Relationship	Attraction	Personality	Shared Goals	Loyalty
Good marriage	X	X	X	X
Toxic marriage	X		X	X
DeadBR marriage		X	X	X
Failed marriage	X	X	X
LTR/amicable divorce	X	X		X
STR/fling	X		one of these	one of these
FWB	X	X
Friends		X		X
ONS	X
Colleague			one/both of these	one/both of these
Minion			optional	X
Incompatible	Anything	Other	Than	Above

Bad relationship types can be avoided by keeping someone in a lower tier - eg a Dead Bedroom Marriage can be avoided by staying friends, and a failed marriage can be avoided by staying FWB. LTR/amicable divoce can be avoided by staying friends or FWB, and so on.

Good relationships can also be missed by keeping someone in a lower tier because you're afraid to take the risk and discover a higher level of compatibility than you thought. In particular, shared goals + loyalty are harder to assess. In addition, people can sometimes believe they're compatible about these things while not actually being compatible.

Desperate_Coat_5244 · 2025-02-28T12:03:37+00:00

I don’t really categorise people beyond “I like them / I don’t like them”. I’m attracted to the whole person, so most women I end up in bed with I could also date seriously.

MikeArrow · 2025-02-28T11:54:18+00:00

Not sure. I've never been attractive enough to even consider the idea that hookups were a thing that were available to me. I've always defaulted to long term relationships as the only option.

All the girls I've dated have therefore been girlfriend material.

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2025-02-28T13:05:14+00:00

I don't have the time or energy to express these as eloquently as others have, but I think they will help you see a running theme:

Hookup: attractive enough to get me hard, no STDs, no personality traits that suggest a likelihood to make false accusations later.

Girlfriend: all the above, plus doesn't scare me without makeup, plus likes doing shared activities, not of a cheating disposition.

Wife: all of the above, plus is financially responsible, gives me peace, would make a good mother if we decided to have children. Paradoxically, I would be more forgiving of STDs for this group (provided they didn't appear after we got together), since my only reason for not wanting an STD is that it would limit my options, but if she's so awesome that I wouldn't mind fucking her and only her for the rest of my life, I don't really care if I get a non-life-threatening STD.

As you can see, the requirements are like matrushka dolls, with each higher tier encompassing those of the lower tier for the most part. This is quite different from how many but not all women see little overlap between the types.

As a man, I think primal attraction is even more important for a wife and it is for a hookup, because of the attraction is lacking in a hookup, you just say goodbye and go on your way, but if it's lacking in a marriage, you're doomed to a life of hellish sexual frustration; this is why "wife material" is always a compliment, but "husband material" is not necessarily so, because we men (or at least I myself as a man) wouldn't marry a woman we wouldn't also have liked to have hooked up with when we were single. The idea of having lower rather than higher standards for attractiveness for someone you're going to spend your life with is completely alien to me.

Legate_Retardicus84 · 2025-02-28T15:19:18+00:00

Modesty

M3taBuster · 2025-02-28T17:33:28+00:00

GF/wife material women are women who I find both physically attractive and compatible with me for a relationship (likeable personality, similar hobbies/interests, sexual history, values/political views, goals, etc.).

I don't make a distinction between GF and wife material, because I would never date someone that I couldn't see myself eventually marrying to begin with. And if I discovered something about a woman I was dating that made me not want to marry her, I'd just break up with her instead of keeping her as a "forever GF".

A hookup material woman would be a woman who I was physically attracted to, but who was otherwise incompatible with me for a relationship in at least one way.

That said, I don't do casual sex, so I don't sleep with such women and just ignore them instead.

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-02-28T13:40:31+00:00

I don’t think there are three categories, just two.

worth a commitment: fuckable and has relationship skills to keep a man
not worth a commitment: fuckable and does not have skills to keep a man.

The amazing thing is, men are super forgiving. It’s not that hard to make a guy happy. But a lot of the femcentric shit that permeates our culture makes it really hard to trust/cultivate.

The only way to really do it is to be such an opportunity for her desire wise that she’ll cut the shit most of the time.

PlainTundra · 2025-02-28T11:59:46+00:00

For a LTR, genuine connection and deep mutual understanding, along with physical attraction, are key. For something more casual, the connection and understanding don’t need to run as deep.

DietTyrone · 2025-02-28T16:23:58+00:00

I think of female attraction like a Venn diagram, where men are separated into different categories based on triats and what they offer the woman. Some are deemed good for just friendship, others good for a hookup, others good for commitment but maybe not the type of guy they would have hooked up with without offering some other value.

For men, it's more like tiers. Every woman I guy hits on meets the base requirement for hookup material. Because if they didn't, the guy wouldn't have approached in the first place. Then the vetting begins. If he sees compatibility and likes other aspects about her beyond the physical, he'll try to move her up to gf status. That's when the longer vetting takes place and he'll determine if she's wife material. If she is, he'll move her up to wife status.

If your friends aren't moving past the talking phase, then it means the guy doesn't see compatability with them beyond the physical for whatever reason.

JollyRoger66689 · 2025-02-28T12:04:36+00:00

I have put women in the hookup material box usually due to them being very promiscuous, also if they were ugly but I needed to break a drought

Don't really know the difference between girlfriend and wife material since I haven't really put anyone in the wife material box, although I was thinking of 1 of my exes possibly in this way but due to it being long distance we didn't see each other enough for me to know her well enough for that. I suppose it's just having enough good wife qualities like being sweet, non party girl, good looking enough, not being a pain in the ass etc.

I think wife material is an upgrade that may or may not happen and at a certain point you realize that even though you like dating her you can't see marrying her, or you don't and she moves into wife material

growframe · 2025-02-28T12:36:53+00:00

Same as it is for men

Hookup material: Desirable for no strings attached, no commitment necessary sex

Girlfriend material: Desirable for LTR traits

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-02-28T14:18:00+00:00

I never looked at women like that. It was actually vibing and dating them that made me go “you know I don’t think we’re compatible for a LTR, or that we just aren’t meant to be”

Maybe it was the fact that I treated each woman like a unique individual instead of a consumable product that went into one of three silos that actually helped me be successful? I dunno.
But every person probably had a really interesting story to tell, so it’s just great to get the opportunity to get them to a place where they feel comfortable enough to tell it.

James_M_Croft · 2025-02-28T13:04:50+00:00

I don't think men have a set of "hard boundaries" they tend to just decide as they go.

If the guy thinks he is extremely sexual needy or needs to start a family and have kids, he start dating and in a year or two they are married with whatever woman who seem like a not too bad wife.
If the guy thinks he needs consistent sex and/or something more than sex. he go and start dating whomever is doesn't seem like a too bad gf.
If the guy thinks he needs sex, he gets a hookup with almost anything which can get him horny.

It just happens that men are horny all the time

I’m in a relationship but I have friends who I know to be really wonderful, kind genuine people who’d make great girlfriends/wives yet can never make it out of the talking phase. As their friend and a woman I am probably biased because it really is a mystery to me.

It usually is a mix of things but:

She is too ugly (sorry, but that's the truth, kinda hard to want to date with someone you can't even get hard with unless you are sexually desperate)
She acts like a sociopath/abuser/princess/egocentric or any other behavioral issue (none wanna care for a princess who just sit around all day and do nothing for your benefit)
She is too picky (Sorry, an 8 may fuck a 5 if all other 8s are not available at that time, which is often, but probably won't date her).
She is too expensive (duh).
She is too demanding (Men are willing to do things for women, sure but if she asks for way more than she provide, she won't be getting a ring or a date).
She is silent about her goals (Women have a working mouth, but many times don't say what they want to upgrade the relationship because the great majority of cases the men have zero interest on that. But the truth is, if you remain silent you are only wasting your own time, cause if he thinks you are too bothersome because you ask for this dating upgrade, he will inevitably ditch you and he won't waste your time anymore, nor you his.).

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-02-28T12:21:21+00:00

Good question ! Since women are in general more attractive toward men the threshold to sex is really low but I would say:

Hookup material: if your available enough for sex

Girlfriend material: if you're fun enough

Wife material: if you're mature and responsible enough

I never had a girlfriend since I am more marriage oriented. But from what I understand you don't come with the goal to create something that meaningful when you hook up or have a girlfriend. You marry because you see things long term with the person

RahLyt · 2025-02-28T12:33:58+00:00

Hook up material: Attractive enough.

Wife material: Attractive, non promiscuous, good personality, strong character, good communicator, open minded..

Spread-Em-Plz · 2025-02-28T12:34:25+00:00

Hookup material: Just need to be attracted to her or willing to smash. This often is a girl who actually does carry girlfriend qualities but there are one or a couple hugely glaring red flags/flaws that would make it not work. For some guys this also may represent a girl who they perceive as being below their own level but she made it easy for him

Girlfriend material: A girl where the match is there both personality and looks-wise, and mutual attraction, but there’s incompatibilities in the medium to long-term goals. Sometimes may be due to overarching circumstances making it that you effectively can’t take the relationship much longer than a few months or so.

Wife material: Girlfriend material with the long-term compatibility and goals

Present-Afternoon-70 · 2025-02-28T12:38:58+00:00

The difference is the intention you take when meeting them

HighestTech · 2025-02-28T12:53:47+00:00

I don't differentiate LTR and marriage material since marriage is almost the same with some legal obligations. Both hookup and LTR material start at 6 points out of 10 on attraction scale. The more a girl shares core values and has a complementary personality to mine, the closer she is to be my wife.

Tywinlol2 · 2025-02-28T14:07:21+00:00

Woman's quality.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2025-02-28T14:15:41+00:00

Wife vs gf comes down to if I think the relationship offsets the additional risks of marriage.

The biggest issues tend to be her EQ and financial situation.

KayRay1994 · 2025-02-28T16:13:05+00:00

Ultimately, the nature of our relationship and how deeply we connect. If the connection we have is primarily physical and we wish for nothing further, then she’s hookup material. If we connect at a more emotional level and wish to get to know each other more vulnerably, girlfriend material - and wife material is basically girlfriend material after years of it solidifying and standing the test of time

Basically - how well and deeply do we vibe? And what exactly is there room for? It isn’t a ‘ranked’ system, as someone could go from hookup to gf to wife, or just end at a hookup, or someone might not be that big a sexual interest at first, but it builds with time as chemistry builds and so on. Point is, there is no criteria, only vibes

JonMyMon · 2025-02-28T17:26:14+00:00

Hookup material: A woman you find attractive but you don't connect with.

Girlfriend material: A woman you find attractive that you connect with.

Wife material: A woman you find attractive that you connect with. You were able to cohabitate with little drama for a minimum of one year.

Quiet_Firefighter_65 · 2025-03-01T07:30:07+00:00

Hookup material: Is attractive.

Girlfriend material: Is attractive, fun to be around, body count 1 - 4

Wife material: Is attractive, fun to be around, virgin, no male friends

anotsmallthing · 2025-03-02T14:08:25+00:00

I’d see hoe_math for this, he’s pretty spot on. But non-neurotic people don’t think rigidly like this. Wives and especially gf’s are different levels of girls just sticking around and growing on you and becoming more a part of your life.

Barely-moral · 2025-02-28T12:01:48+00:00

Hookup material: Attractive enough for me to want to have sex with her. Most women on earth.

Girlfriend material: Hookup material + she fits the life I currently have and want.

Wife material: Hookup material + Girlfriend material + she fits the life I want to have and am working towards building.

What are the key differences in background, attractiveness, career, how they present themselves etc.

That would change from man to man.

I personally don't date women that are hookup/girlfriend material because I don't want to waste my time with something that has no future.

There are no differences in attractiveness between the three described types.

There are no differencces in background/way they present themselves between the three described types. I don't care about those.

Career: I don't want my partner to have any. If she has any, she can't be wife material.

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Downtown_Werewolf_44 · 2025-02-28T13:55:13+00:00

As usual, relationship zones from Hoe_math get basicaly everything you need to know about that.

mobjack · 2025-02-28T12:16:39+00:00

I have much lower standards for hookup material. It doesn't mean much except I am horny. If she is somewhat stable, I could see her regularly like a FWB.

Girlfriend material is someone who checks most of my boxes for a long term partner, but I still think I can do better down the road. I am hesitant to commit forever.

Wife material is the one.

abaxeron · 2025-02-28T13:41:22+00:00

I’m especially interested in what makes someone “girlfriend” material but not wife material as it is especially common for women to be in long term relationships, even living together and having children but never marrying.

My best guess is permanent residency in a country with screwed up and twisted divorce laws, and obsession with men already drowning in options. Despite all the progress of the (wider) red pill, the majority of single men still want to get married and start families.

anonymousppd123123 · 2025-02-28T12:01:22+00:00

Cute moves you into hookup

Fun to be around moves you into girlfriend

Respecting your man and no gag reflex moves you into wife material

This sub is so looks obsessed but quality of sex is what keeps fomo away. Why have a ferrari in the garage if you drive it 35 mph to the grocery store once every 2 weeks?

Title	What are the differences between hookup material, girlfriend material, and wife material?
Author	angelbaby933
Upvotes	22
Comments	117
Date	February 28, 2025 11:46 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1j05to2/what_are_the_differences_between_hookup_material/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-the-differences-between-hookup-material.1545229 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545229

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