What makes a guy confuse lust for love?

misunderstood_9gager · 2019-12-25T14:27:52+00:00

This is a reminder not to downvote. Santa will turn his ass around and take back those presents if you do.

Barely-moral · 2019-12-25T13:24:49+00:00

Because first you are attracted to someone, and then you love them. In that order.

geyges · 2019-12-25T12:57:52+00:00

but his standards for a girlfriend is to look like a thrist trap

Why do women keep repeating this line. This is wrong.

Hot girls get asked out. Nerdy girls get asked out. Average girls get asked out. The implication here is: "If you want love, just get a regular girl like you". Spoiler alert: average girls are also spoiled by male thirst.

I just cant fathom pretending to want love when its painfully obvious to everyone but him that he just his dick wet.

For most beta guys this is one in the same. They both want to fuck and be with the girl long term.

Chicks that get pumped and dumped often think that all guys pump and dump.

Fuck your regular Billy Beta, and he'll more than likely become super attached to you.

bonslytoss · 2019-12-25T12:42:46+00:00

What's the cause of this? Is it mental health? Is it piss poor parenting by parents who didn't establish a loving relationship?

Young men make just as many mistakes as young women when learning how to date. You notice the mistakes of the opposite gender when you are the same age as them, but usually it takes you making those very mistakes and growing out of them to notice your own gender. Most guys go through an orbiter phase in our youth where we truly believe we are perfect paragons of virtue and if we put nice guy tokens into a jar it will give us a spin on the sex slot machine. It usually takes us even longer to get in touch with our own emotions and desires because until we have a relationship we never are allowed to viscerally discover them. I would only be surprised/depressed if the guy you are observing is above the age of 20 or so.

Million-Suns · 2019-12-25T12:57:40+00:00

Men don't confuse lust and love. However lust is used as an indication of love. As in the woman is attracted to a trait link to his being, his self, and not his social status or bank account, for a change.

The_Madmans_Reign · 2019-12-25T12:44:55+00:00

Women decided to make tinder the #1 dating app for a reason. If filtering based solely on looks isn’t what they wanted, they wouldn’t have made it #1. Women and women alone decide which apps thrive and which ones fail, and clearly they wanted tinder to survive. Why? Because it lets them find and fuck the most attractive willing partner possible. It’s all about looks.

Only in fantasy scenarios are men refusing to get with their looksmatches. In reality men would love to be with their matches, women are the issue.

The male standard is: Healthy weight and not deformed. They bring to the table: Themselves, a healthy weight and not deformed. Women will find a million ways to perform mental gymnastics to make this seem unreasonable or untrue.

inco2018 · 2019-12-25T13:10:17+00:00

The female equivalent would be a girl who tries to use sex as a way to commitment.

decoy88 · 2019-12-25T14:29:46+00:00

When you’re horny. Really horny. It can affect your judgement - similar to the way alcohol does - to the point that it confuses what you’re own intentions are.

Arousal is an amazing sensation. And if you develop that focus for one person then it’s really easy to confuse it for love.

NorthrnSwede · 2019-12-25T12:40:15+00:00

Many men think "love" is when someone makes you feel good. They're thinking 100% about themselves and their needs/wants. They don't even consider that love is a reciprocal thing or something you actively do. So they see a sexy woman and think "This could meet my needs, this could be love, I want this!"

We know from a preponderance of evidence across multiple fields that men are prone to inflating their abilities, bullshitting, failing to see their weaknesses, etc. They literally think they are better than they are.

These men (I use that term losely) are also terrified of women objectifying them in the exact same way they do to women, hence the complaints about women having any standards whatsoever, the demonization of the feminine, and the constant need to tear down women who exert their sexual power by doing exactly what these boys wish they could.

AttachableSheep · 2019-12-25T13:17:27+00:00

If he wanted to have his dick wet, he'd go after the less attractive women. Was it Plato that said that in love, physical attraction comes first? Maybe the guy lusts after the most attractive women, but doesn't love them yet. They just caught his eye. In order for lust to turn into love, other factors come into play, and he'll begin to know if the person deserves his love after spending time with them.

Or the guy's an idiot. That's also a very real possibility.

wtknight · 2019-12-25T14:09:51+00:00

Attractive young women are like goddesses to young men. It’s called pedestalization, and it’s easy for a young man to conflate love with lust if he thinks that a woman who he is sexually attracted to is “perfect in every way.”

nosynobody · 2019-12-25T13:21:39+00:00

I always see posts like this about women having unrealistically hight standards. Yet in real life plenty of couples with good looking women with average to ugly men but very very rarely is it the other way around. Men value looks way more than women do? So why is everyone in the sun complaining?

Mystery_Tragic · 2019-12-25T12:43:42+00:00

Inexperience?

2019-12-25T13:02:13+00:00

Nerdy guy claims "I just want love!" but you notice he's constantly chasing (or "Beta orbiting") the hot cheerleaders instead of asking out nerdy girls

The sort of orbiters unable to get a gf are likely to have social anxiety or confidence issues, why would he ask out a nerdy girl that's likely never shown any interest him when he could orbit an outgoing cheerleader who likely at least engages him as a human being?

DissonanceBadger · 2019-12-25T13:57:13+00:00

My theory is that such guys are intellectually guarded against any sort of emotional intimacy, and the only thing that goes around these defenses is sexual attraction because it originates in the primal part of the brain and interfaces directly to the emotional part.

So the only way they are able to experience emotional connection, is if they obtain it via the sexual pathway, and they call that love because it’s more emotional connection than what they experience anywhere else.

limbojunkie · 2019-12-25T13:54:19+00:00

I agree on this. Men, especially young and inexperienced, confuse sexual attraction to genuine feelings. This is why I'm totally against marriage at young age for men.

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2019-12-25T18:01:55+00:00

Projection. They only love women for their bodies, so they assume women must love men in the same way.

Manny1400 · 2019-12-25T15:56:09+00:00

Lust is something that is directed towards a woman, and plays out in a dramatic way that does not take into account her individuality, or even her personality.

In English, we say one can "fall in love", while in Spanish, "in" is replaced with the preposition "with". When speaking of love, one philosopher remarks "It is not simply that I project myself toward her, but that I project myself with her" --and that means apprehending and understanding the person we go with.

Authentic love is unrenounceable "and to this degree it is happiness ...even the most unhappy of lovers thinks that his love has ben worth while; he would not accept its not existing, would not want the calm tranquility, and pleasure he could enjoy without it. He prefers his love, with all its consequences".

And love happens even among people of poor character, or those driven by lust. And when it happens, believe me, you will know

lagavenger · 2019-12-25T18:39:40+00:00

Hormones? Stupid human behavior? It’s just biology.

But it’s the same for women.

I’ve seen plenty of examples where women want (and get) the “bad guy”, only to find out he’s a total douche. 2 kids later, single mom is trying to hit me up.

So, it really does go both ways. It’s pretty easy to convince one’s self that lust is love. You see someone attractive and you fill in the rest with wishful thinking.

Christian_Kong · 2019-12-25T22:01:18+00:00

In general attractive people are viewed more favorably(funnier, nicer, etc) than non attractive people. There is a good chance that the hot girls that guys are lusting after are also perceived as otherwise good and compatible people by the people lusting after them.

LillthOfBabylon · 2019-12-26T08:23:36+00:00

This reads like a girl who's whole personality is listening to true crime podcasts and not going to Starbucks. Maybe even liking the Mandalorian. Its so r/notliketheothergirls . i expected a genuine question of how people confuse the two, but just because men have higher expectations than what certain women can meet doesnt mean he is only in lust with women. If a man takes good care or himself, he SHOULD expect the same in return and go for a damn hot woman. I expect a man to take care of himself as well as i take care of myself, and have no apologies. Men are allowed to do the same.

dylang92 · 2019-12-25T14:05:42+00:00

For men they’re kind of one in the same. Men need to be attracted to their partner on a physical level for them to feel love. It’s why when women get fat, or get more unattractive men start to more or less lose interest, and if they really have the option to, cheat. Lots of situations of women getting fat and the men getting more “annoyed” and “frustrated”’with women over the smallest thing. It’s why boomer humor is hating their wives when they get old and fat. Even as a guy I know this.

Also our nerdy guy absolutely wants his dick wet and knows it. He’s just using the “I want love” as a tactic to get a hot gf. I know from experience

El_Guapo2020 · 2019-12-25T15:46:13+00:00

My best friend graduated from M.I.T. All his school friends are science geeks and nerds , i said ‘hey man you guys are lucky at M.I.T. You’re surrounded by the smart geeky girls.’ He was like “You’re crazy those girls like the same guys as the rest of the women!” It’s an obvious observable fact. When you say nerdy girls you don’t mean smart girls with interesting hobbies and similar likes . You mean social awkward over poorly groomed with terrible fashion sense.

darksoldierk · 2019-12-25T16:04:14+00:00

Because lust is a part of love. Like women, all men have to go on is lust (ie. first appearences). Men don't want to and can't afford to take women out on 10 dates and get to know them before figuring out if they love them. So they do it in the simplest way possible, by appearances. It's not any different than women, women just don't approach.

cuckspace · 2019-12-25T14:29:24+00:00

What makes a woman confuse greed (for money and status) for love? At least the horndog is interested in her [body] and not some external attribute she may or may not have earned.

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throwawy_12262017 · 2019-12-25T13:40:59+00:00

Damn. Love or lust. Damn. All of us.

RT-AC66U · 2019-12-25T15:45:03+00:00

Hormones

NewSpekt · 2019-12-25T17:27:48+00:00

Can you not have a loving relationship and sex? I don't think the two is mutually exclusive.

rus9384 · 2019-12-25T20:59:28+00:00

Love is more complicated than YOU think. It's not a single thing. It's a word used to describe thousands of different, yet in some way similar, things.

Lust after a specific person definitely is one of those thousands things.

LeanLoner · 2019-12-25T21:07:12+00:00

There must be lust before there is love otherwise you end up gay or in a relationship with a horse.

It's funny to me when people are like "looks don't matter" but all the people they were ever with looked human and they were of one specific gender. How do they determine this if not using looks.

Obviously they're fake as fuck.

xoxuv · 2019-12-25T21:23:33+00:00

There is no love without sex. That's true both for men and women.

Whoever says otherwise is lying to himself.

Chrchgrl85 · 2019-12-25T21:50:31+00:00

If a guy hasn’t had ANY type of sexual or romantic relationship, it would seem as if he may confuse the lust he feels after getting laid for live. I mean, what would he have to compare it to? Parents can emulate an ideal relationship all they want, but they can’t give you the feeling you have when you’re in love with a partner.

LillthOfBabylon · 2019-12-25T22:49:14+00:00

Also, it's infamously a hookup app. Trying to learn anything about women from a hookup app that encourages you to judge people solely on looks is very suspicious.

Real life is a hookup app too. No hookup = no date

I just cant fathom pretending to want love when its painfully obvious to everyone but him that he just his dick wet.

Maybe he only loves women that captivate his eyes lol

Is it piss poor parenting by parents who didn't establish a loving relationship?

Maybe, not all of us our lucky to have parents who kiss each other every day.

acenosk · 2019-12-26T07:06:43+00:00

he's constantly chasing (or "Beta orbiting") the hot cheerleaders instead of asking out nerdy girls.

lmao only 13yo boys believe in the myth of nerd girls who get no attention and wish nerd boys would ask them out. What a complete joke.

LillthOfBabylon · 2019-12-26T08:51:09+00:00

[deleted]

destiny224 · 2019-12-26T11:49:36+00:00

His penis and low self esteeHis penis and low self esteem

Cighz · 2019-12-26T17:15:43+00:00

Yes the nerdy girls go for chad too what's your point

MisterJose · 2019-12-26T17:40:54+00:00

The only love anyone ever knows is the one they feel. Just because it doesn't make sense to you doesn't mean they aren't feeling it.

The thing you're not getting is that men see in beautiful woman the representation of a feminine ideal; an unbelievably attractive, appealing, and simultaneously terrifying example of femininity that pushing millions-of-years-old primal buttons in their brains. There is MASSIVE power in being chosen, being accepted, and getting to be with a woman who reflects that ideal. It can be more powerful in some mindsets than getting to be with someone who you really mesh with as a person.

The other thing is that such an ideal is supposed to act...ideally. That woman is supposed to be a bastion of justice, doling out sex and acceptance to the most worthy. Because if she's just treating her 'gift' cheaply and selfishly, then dammit, she's a slut and the whole world is wrong! How can men be driven to slay the dragon if the fair maiden isn't gonna do her end and fuck the dragon slayer? What's the point in doing anything?

eboy4hire · 2019-12-27T05:57:51+00:00

Guy claims: "Girls only care about looks, not a guy's moral character! Look at what they do on Tinder!" Tinder is an app where you are approving of someone based on their pictures. Also, it's infamously a hookup app. Trying to learn anything about women from a hookup app that encourages you to judge people solely on looks is very suspicious.

Ok so stop right there. Are we assuming these women who use hookup apps and women in general don't overlap or are we implying that men shouldn't judge women for their hookup decisions on Tinder and put that out of their minds when they approach them in person for "love"?

To me it seems like you're making the assumption that "what happens on Tinder stays on Tinder and doesn't apply to my character outside of Tinder" which for guys is a big pause.

Mantequilla_Stotch · 2020-01-17T22:31:45+00:00

Nerdy guy claims "I just want love!" but you notice he's constantly chasing (or "Beta orbiting") the hot cheerleaders instead of asking out nerdy girls.

So nerdy guys are only good enough for nerdy girls? Does this mean fat guys should only go for fat girls and Asians should only be with other Asians?

If you don't know why men who want love go after lust first, then you have never experienced relationships. It's starts at the surface level.

By your statements in the post, it is obvious that you understand less about people than just relationships.

taapy234 · 2019-12-25T13:18:14+00:00

Nerdy guy claims "I just want love!" but you notice he's constantly chasing (or "Beta orbiting") the hot cheerleaders instead of asking out nerdy girls.

Online activity != real life preference. We are all expected to chase after girls because thats what expected from us by most of them. Just because you drool over Chris Hemsworth for example doesn't mean thats who you really want in real life.

Trying to learn anything about women from a hookup app that encourages you to judge people solely on looks is very suspicious.

Thats nice sentiment, but we see whole lot of dudes using tinder who are also in the top percentile slaying pussy like its Fruit ninja.

I just cant fathom pretending to want love when its painfully obvious to everyone but him that he just his dick wet.

You can't or won't? As evidenced by your rich posting history, its the latter. Women don't have any respect for struggling dudes who is not giving his peak performance effort when it comes to choosing a guy to date or have sex with. And because of this, we tend to optimize our behavior based on what works for us instead of trying to bother dealing with any of your sky high batshit crazy demands.

Is it mental health?

Not really, no.

Is it piss poor parenting by parents who didn't establish a loving relationship?

Are you a boomer?

Is it because porn emotionally stunted him and its taking him a longer time to see the reality of things?

Nice leading question there sweaty. Porn exists because women are not bring their best to the table to the average dude. You sound like you have a unhealthy fixation with "porn bad" hysteria because you obsessively engage in your niche subreddits all day long. Imagine how pathetic you must be in bed that he gets off better than looking at your meaty flaps.

Also, it also helps to give up your batshit crazy demands from guys that he doesn't bother with you. This pretty much solves most of the problems guys might have with you.

throwawy_12262017 · 2019-12-25T13:49:10+00:00

This is blue pill thinking at its finest. The logical extension of this line of thought is that love and lust need to be separated. So the blue pilled guy thinks that they need to subjugate their desire to the supposedly higher purpose of love. They think that chasing nerdy girls and having long pointless conversations in coffee shops sets them apart from those very mean and toxic types who are in touch with their sexuality. As it turns out, women want men, not androgynous robots. And even if a woman feels as though she may need to settle for the incomplete man (because she is one of these nerdy types or whatever), her basic desires don't change. And this makes her an easy target for the co.plete man who may happen to take an interest in her. So the incomplete man, the one who subjugated his desires, like he thought he was supposed to, can spend years developing a relationship with the nerdy girl and all this work can be undone in minutes by a man capable of expressing his desires and making her feel sexually attractive. Ask me how I know.

Wallstreet3 · 2019-12-25T12:28:45+00:00

There is a difference?

bonusfruit · 2019-12-25T14:07:45+00:00

Man sometimes the premise these questions are based on are so bad. In what world does the nerdy guy only pursue hot cheerleaders over nerdy girls? Nerdy guys are widely known for pursuing girls within their league and common interests and STILL getting rejected

amwfhunter · 2019-12-25T13:09:11+00:00

I think it is the lack of abundance and also being able to access sex (not always but definitely makes it even more so) especially if the woman is very attractive and the experience was memorable. It satisfies an internal void even temporarily for anyone guy or girl.

If a man is used to bedding multiple attractive women regularly, lust would not be as much of a factor. Love can only develop after many trials and tribulations. The more experience one has the more one will realize. There is also a self sacrificial element of love as well.

StatisticsJason · 2019-12-25T13:33:13+00:00

Because they have no sexual attraction to nerdy girls or whatever girl you think they should date. It's also unfair for the nerdy girl to have a boyfriend who isn't into her.

7-11-21-Luck · 2019-12-25T21:44:07+00:00

I just cannot fathom pretending to want love but only chasing after men based on status and money

NockerJoe · 2019-12-25T13:02:42+00:00

Given that you're leading with every one of these questions I'm gonna guess you aren't interested in actual debate chief.

AbyssinianLion · 2019-12-25T13:56:18+00:00

I think you’re talking about a subset of immature, desperate and inexperienced guys haven’t had many relationships to discern the difference. I think anyone who’ve been around those bimbos wouldn’t find themselves in love with them but they would still lust after them. I’ve been infatuated with girls who are incredibly attractive when I was young without getting to know them well, and yet when I truly got to know them, my view of them changed dramatically from the perfect picture of them I created in my mind. In some cases, I can’t even think of them as relationship opportunities once I realise how immature, one dimensional, passive or bitchy they seem. It takes time from men to understand that infatuation doesn’t mean love. You can be attracted to women whose personalities and disposition turn you off or disagrees with your personal preferences. These days, I prefer Average girls with great personalities and healthy sex drive over those internet thot looking women. I’ve known from experience stories from my friends who’ve dated those types of girls the trouble they bring to a lot of men, who enable those kinds of behaviour through desperation and lust. They’re also pretty bad at sex. To me, they’re the human version of turds in pretty packaging

DubsPackage · 2019-12-25T13:59:05+00:00

In some circles, a hookup = "someone wants me for me, without asking for money, qualifications, or anything like that."

Whereas dating and LTR's = Beta bux, it means that basically the girl only wants free dinners or divorce assets in exchange for being with the guy.

According to the black pill, the first sentence is the closest you can get to "love."

I personally don't subscribe to the black pill, but I understand the logic.

I'll leave it up to you to rebutt it.

Workaholiconew · 2019-12-25T15:46:07+00:00

Better set of questions.

Why women think that lust and romantic love to men are not connected? (after all, lust satisfying it is almost a requisite for both people in romantic relationships, regardless of orientation)

Why women think that men confuse lust for love as if they werent connected?(teenagers and maybe some young adults may mistake one another, like they do with bulling, but most adults know they are two connected but independent variables)

Why women cannot see they connect lust to love all the time?(alpha chasing/widows)

Why adult women think such unthoughtful questions which only work well in social settings where it is not allowed to debunk or think about things would work in a debate forum like PPD? (it is like that "all we need is socialism/education/religion" statements, they don't hold water to scrutiny if you think about it longer than some seconds)

Nerdy guy claims "I just want love!" but you notice he's constantly chasing (or "Beta orbiting") the hot cheerleaders instead of asking out nerdy girls.

the fact you did not perceive he orbits both and almost all women he is close to is the problem. the tip is in the name "orbiting". anything close enough and with perceptible value enough will make he orbit but like a spaceship without fuel to desaccelerate he rarely will get planetfall, at least not intact.

he is not going to go much out of his way to get women, he does not have the literal drive for it. he will also nor orbit a obese false gamer gurl as her value is too low to make him orbit, at best a course change.

There was a post about such behavior this week lilith, the heck you doing?

sadomasochrist · 2019-12-25T18:07:59+00:00

Nerdy guy claims "I just want love!" but you notice he's constantly chasing (or "Beta orbiting") the hot cheerleaders instead of asking out nerdy girls.

You mean the girls that told him they're looking for someone that is like their best friend?

LillthOfBabylon · 2019-12-25T18:14:49+00:00

Nerdy guy claims "I just want love!" but you notice he's constantly chasing (or "Beta orbiting") the hot cheerleaders instead of asking out nerdy girls.

(Nerdy girls don't/didn't want him either)

Tinder is an app where you are approving of someone based on their pictures. Also, it's infamously a hookup app.

And when you point that out to women, they get mad because they claim it's also for dating because they decided it is

What's the cause of this? Is it mental health? Is it piss poor parenting by parents who didn't establish a loving relationship? Is it because porn emotionally stunted him and its taking him a longer time to see the reality of things?

Love feels good and things that make our dicks feel good must be love.

Women don't really get it because they don't love men, they love what men can give or confer them.

2019-12-25T18:15:17+00:00

Doubt. I usually see nerdy guy orbiting nerdy gal who is in turn orbiting Chad

ifelsedowhile · 2019-12-25T19:15:44+00:00

can you give examples of how a nerdy girl looks like? I was turned down by a nerdy girl and I don't think she was above my league.

Title	What makes a guy confuse lust for love?
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	77
Comments	354
Date	December 25, 2019 12:27 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/effyj4/what_makes_a_guy_confuse_lust_for_love/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-makes-a-guy-confuse-lust-for-love.302959 https://theredarchive.com/post/302959

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