When does "shit testing" become domestic violence?

xFallacyx69 · 2021-10-06T03:15:10+00:00

I consider some shit testing a form of emotional abuse. But I would never answer emotional abuse with violence. Walk away from your abuser… There’s no victims here, we don’t enable other adults to be shitty humans… walk away.

superlurkage · 2021-10-06T14:36:53+00:00

Dear men,

I’m afraid the only legally acceptable reason for “smacking someone in the pie hole” is “they were trying to physically harm me in an equal or excessive manner”

Just FYI, if you didn’t know already, because there definitely seems to be confusion over this!

Perseus_the_Bold · 2021-10-06T02:39:54+00:00

Shit tests are called "psychological/emotional terrorism" by feminists when women are at the receiving end instead of men. When women do it they justify it as "vetting" but if a man does it back to a woman it's called psychological terrorism and emotional assault.

NarniaFox · 2021-10-06T03:41:02+00:00

I'd guess when your partner's behavior overall checks a lot of abuse sings. I'll just copy past them here:

Does your partner…

Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
Put down your accomplishments?
Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
Tell you that you are nothing without them? Treat you roughly—grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
Blame you for how they feel or act?
Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for?
Make you feel like there is “no way out” of the relationship?
Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with friends or family?
Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to “teach you a lesson”?

Do you...

Sometimes feel scared of how your partner may behave?
Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behaviour?
Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?

Source.

dres_sler · 2021-10-06T09:24:37+00:00

Shit tests are cringe and reflective of insecurity and immaturity.

Dump her ass and be on with your life. Ain’t nobody got time for that shit.

I wouldn’t say it relates to domestic violence tho

buggy_boi · 2021-10-06T11:41:01+00:00

okay wow. so,

"shit testing" is so stupid and wrong. why tf would you do it. this would hurt the person being "tested" mentally, but that does not then excuse violent actions taken after if the "tester" takes it too far. shit testing is literally dipping your toe in the water to see if/how your partner would react. NOT HEALTHY for either party.
if someone doesn't want to have sex because they don't want to, then don't. but if that person is only doing it for this stupid "shit test", and expecting the partner to then:

punch a hole in the wall, leave and leave her texts on read ... the next time you see her she'll suck your brains out through your dic

yeah... none of this is healthy.

flamingoinghome · 2021-10-06T08:03:28+00:00

What in the actual fuck?

Isn't the supposed "shit testing" like, asking a guy to hold your purse at the mall, or saying "do I look fat in this dress", or dithering about where to order takeaway from or whatever? If these situations lead you to punch walls and shit (not that there's any excuse for domestic abuse, whatever the "trigger"), that's because you're a psychopath, and your girlfriend should leave you.

banalchenal · 2021-10-06T02:56:09+00:00

shit tests become "domestic violence" when they're physically violent. watering down words like this ("violence", "rape") is dumb. just say what you mean without trying to equate it to something the other sex does.

purplepilldthrowaway · 2021-10-06T01:51:17+00:00

DXBrigade · 2021-10-06T10:21:05+00:00

There is no such thing as "withholding sex" because people arent't owed sex.

xQueen-Bx · 2021-10-06T01:47:40+00:00

what is this garbled mess you made out of my comment

SaBahRub · 2021-10-06T02:12:46+00:00

To me, “shit testing” means “game playing”, which never ever excuses violence

Wth is wrong with you?

upalse · 2021-10-06T02:09:05+00:00

women are doing it

Men are doing it too.

serious red flags

Nah, subconscious power play is super common in most social interactions, especially amplified in cabin fever conditions that most cohabiting relationships are.

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-10-06T11:56:24+00:00

The straight up answer is that if the woman starts treating sex like a weapon - walk away. Straight up leave her ass. If it means you have to pay whatever you need to pay to get the fuck away from that person do it.

Oh and the answer to any shit test is No. You do not tolerate it, you do not condone it. Too many men stay with women like that because they think that this is as good as it's going to get.

RabbitNRaccoon · 2021-10-06T02:48:26+00:00

That's his fault.

She's his GF? Get rid of her. The end.

If he keeps her around, that's on him. He is not owed sex. But if she is withholding it, as some warped punishment then she has to go.

Again, notice how this man has no boundaries.

People need to learn to be mean. Unforgivingly so. People don't play games with people they know will bounce their asses out.

If you have shown yourself to have weak boundaries, don't be surprised when other people take advantage of you.

I don't understand recommending someone play someone else's game. Wanna be a silly bitch? Byyyyeeeeee👋👋👋👋

IHaveSalesQuestions · 2021-10-06T01:48:19+00:00

Shit tests are red flags. Keep that mindset. That’s a woman who will constantly try to push you over the edge to emasculate you and gain control over you. When you break she holds the power over you emotionally and women are emotional little creatures. That’s their forte. That’s their domain.

Something that’s never talked about is the emotional abuse men take before things get violent. You think men just go, “hey, let me get violent? “ Nah, women fuck with men. Yes, physical abuse is bad, we can all agree on that. However, women have a very toxic nature where they can poke and prod at men to get a reaction out of them.

If women were equal in strength I’d bet money on women being arrested for domestic violence in droves. Instead they know they will lose in a fight so they emotionally abuse. They’re passive aggressive to a point it can drive a man nuts, and they’re acutely aware of that.

Sue me. I said it.

Uglinessisreal · 2021-10-06T02:01:12+00:00

I'm all for telling men to walk if their SO treats intimacy like a reward/punishment, but likening it to domestic abuse is quite a stretch.

When people talk about coercive control, it usually relates to something like money that is hard to survive without. No matter how shit it feels, a man can just walk away if he isn't getting the sex he wants.

Mark_Freed · 2021-10-06T04:34:37+00:00

To me shit tests are part of flirting,

Handle shit tests well - first it is important to identify a shit test. It is an indicator of interest, it is used to verify if you are still worthy of her interest, to judge your social intelligence. It is a type of flirting. Most [[Blue Pill]] guys facing a shit test get fazed, they fail to recognize that it is a fake indicator of disinterest.

Don't buckle, get rattled, falter, get upset, be reactive, offended, doubt yourself, lose composure, show weakness, justify, give explanations, rationalize, when faced with this "attack", make sure you pick up on the hint of sarcasm and respond by reasserting your boundaries, stay in control, don't take it personally, maintain frame. These tests are designed to be provocative and elicit an emotional response from you. So more than what you say, how you say it matters.

She might try being unreasonably demanding that you do something or change some behavior. Here to pass this shit test, you need to stand your ground, have self respect and show you won't cater to her every whim. Other than these compliance tests, where she tests how much influence she has over you, we have dominance tests where your mental strength is tested. Fitness test is used judge your social skills/humor.

Some examples - Buy me X, let us go to Y now, stop talking to Z. Give you some negative label, say some bullshit, level a false accusation.

"I bet you say that to all the girls", "You seem like such a player!", "Aww, are you upset now?", "Buy me ice cream", "Are you a virgin?", "Hold my bag for me", "tell me your weaknesses",

Nuclear shit tests are actions - "grabbing food from your plate", "tickling you", "hugging a guy in front of you".

How to respond? to "I bet you use that line on all the girls"

A) Agree and amplify to absurdity - "Yea, that is why I get a different girl every night. It is that effective!", spin it off like a joke. You can also disagree.

B) Pressure Flip - "I bet you think everything is a line because of trust issues". Reverse the social pressure onto to her. "Yea, I am sorry did you think you were special?"

C) Ignore - what you said is not worth addressing, it makes her feel awkward. It can be used on someone who is lower on an established pecking order. You can ignore and misdirect if you want to be polite, change the topic but don't acknowledge the shit test. You can just laugh as a response.

D) Call it out - In a non confrontational manner, call out the bullshit. Make it explicit what she is doing.

As long as you keep a strong frame, responding to such tests will come automatically

I don’t like how the left keeps pushing boundaries of words to make stuff like violence mean way more things than it should. Ideally we need more words to capture nuance and not use the same word for many different things.

But shit testing the way I see it can’t come close to DV. That’s my definition of shit test a PUA term. If you pressed me, I guess if a girl knew a guy had a short temper, had certain sensitive buttons and kept pushing them cruelly to illicit a violent response. That would be the worst a shit test can get.

Also yes I know that the above definition of shit test can misclassify honest behaviours as “shit tests”. If your partner always tickles you for fun then it’s not a shit test when it happens. In many healthy relationships the boundaries can be very close to the core of your identity meaning to shit test you will need to do drastic excursions of boundary. Context really matters when identifying if it’s a shit test.

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WilliamWyattD · 2021-10-06T06:27:53+00:00

I single wall punch constitutes DV when there is no other history of that?

welcometothejl · 2021-10-06T11:11:17+00:00

Wow, TIL that 62% of abused women are also abusive. Yet another dirty little stat about women you'll never hear in the mainstream.

Liberal_On_Guns · 2021-10-06T14:14:40+00:00

All women shit test because they have to shit test. It's not intentional or malicious. Granted, sometimes they are definitely intentional, e.g. "trying" to make you jealous, or doing petty things just to see how you respond. Most shit tests aren't conscious/intentional pokes/prods.

And shit testing isn't domestic violence. Over using these terms just turns everyone into weak bitches.

Insidious-Sid · 2021-10-06T15:25:46+00:00

None of the emotional abuse women do to men in relationships will ever be considered actual domestic violence. The understanding today is that men, being men, cannot even suffer DV or emotional abuse in relationships. Only men can "perpetrate" this "violence".

When men do come forward and report abuse, they're still very much ridiculed and not taken seriously.

Women have EVEN MORE potential to be emotionally abusive than men because they're innately better at navigating relationships, manipulation and getting what they want.

One of my favorite examples is the left-wing nut "Southern Poverty Law Center" defintion of DV which says that if a man "with-holds intimacy" from a woman that's DV.

Yet, women with-hold intimacy on the regular within their relationships to get what they want. She has a god given feminist RIGHT to with-hold intimacy. If she doesn't feel happy, or sexy, or lovey dovey, certainly it's his fault and SHE is the victim of something else. But him? He needs to have "hard penis at the ready" - or it's domestic violence.

And that's why I take none of feminists claims about DV seriously AT ALL.

SuperSupremeKai · 2021-10-06T17:29:25+00:00

The correct response for any shit test is to leave.

Leaving it to fester only to turn you on her and hit her for all of your failed attempts at her physically harmless tests shouldn't happen. (Unless she walks you into the dangerous part of town and expects you to defend her and fight back against all kinds of people... or just outright attacks you, even if it was "fun", but then you'd have the police to contend with.)

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-10-06T22:47:13+00:00

'Shit test' = her being a bitch because she thinks she's better than you.

'Passing a shit test' = taking social action that demonstrates social dominance and asserts your social status relative to hers.

If you're getting a lot of 'shit tests,' then the women you're aiming for think they're out of your league.

The 'ST' infractions run along a continuum from 'this is shit women do a lot to the majority of men and the majority of men fall for it,' to 'this is red zone unacceptable line stepping behavior and this person must be excised from your life.'

As for the OP ---

if a woman just withholds sex from me (let's just imagine I somehow got into a scenario where I would a) commit and b) commit to someone capable of this kind of behavior) barring a very good excuse (sick, family emergency, whatever), I just shrug, smile, leave and go fuck someone else. No need to punch a wall or anything.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-10-08T03:12:14+00:00

You need to understand that in every animal family unit, the alpha male will be challenged. By both outsiders and family members. If you have kids, you know they will challenge you all the time and push your boundaries. If you have dogs, you know they will do the same.

Well, so do women. They will challenge their man every once in a while to see if he still has his balls. If you see this as a threat and you crumble and become a pussy, then you weren't really a man to begin with.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-10-06T02:26:01+00:00

I don't know if shit testing could be construed as domestic violence, especially when the people involved aren't even living together, but shit tests are definitely a sign of insecurity, and why men giving shit tests is seen as "bad." Insecurity in men is a red flag but women are allowed to be insecure because evolution gave them the short straw.

statsfodder · 2021-10-06T03:42:20+00:00

Depends who is doing it..

Withholding intimacy- men - DV women - it is her right

Taking control of the money- men - DV... women - she is entitled to it.

Verbal tirades- men - DV ... women - he probably deserved it

Physical violence- men - DV ... women - he was already told, he should learn his place then this wouldn't happen.

Taipanshimshon · 2021-10-06T02:29:34+00:00

There are shit tests and then there is verbal abuse. They are different.

And yes there are levels of verbal altercation that one should expect to end violently.

Every physical fight ever starts with a verbal altercation. Knowing what not to say is very important.

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-10-06T05:28:56+00:00

There is no shit test. She is attracted or she isn't. If she is you won't deal with it. Never deal with these "shit tests". Probably got with a girl out of your league. Enjoy the torture for a pretty face.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-10-06T13:07:58+00:00

Shit testing is ALWAYS domestic violence.

This is how women commit violence against men - not with fists, but with words, emotions, manipulation, fraud, deceit, subterfuge, and sabotage. Shit tests are verbal, mental, and emotional abuse.

When does "shit testing" become domestic violence?

Comments

vi·o·lence - noun

Title	When does "shit testing" become domestic violence?
Author	Laytheblameonluck
Upvotes	7
Comments	354
Date	October 6, 2021 12:49 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/q29obv/when_does_shit_testing_become_domestic_violence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/when-does-shit-testing-become-domestic-violence.1077150 https://theredarchive.com/post/1077150