Why men experience on dating apps is so binary?

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-01-08T09:51:54+00:00

Because the gini coefficient is higher for men.

TheSnowyPlover · 2022-01-08T15:20:52+00:00

Manager A: Posts a job ad and gets 1000 interested candidates

Manager B: Posts a job ad and gets 3 interested candidates

If you’re manager A, how do you even sort through 1000 people in a realistic amount of time? He might reject all people that don’t have a college degree or anyone who has less than 5 years experience. In doing so he may turn alway some potentially great employees, but that’s just how it goes.

Women face a similar problem in online dating, so they do things like only going after tall guys or guys who look like Chads or only going after men who message first with witty commentary. When dealing with all her matches, a women realistically can’t spend hours per day talking to these men or even rejecting them, so they end up getting “ghosted”. All of this teaches women that they might as well just be super picky from the get go so that they’re dealing with 10 matches instead of 1000. Once again this exacerbates the dynamic of women only going for Chad.

Ultimately this is just a twist on supply & demand economics. Women are in high demand and men are “cheap” and abundant. What’s not cheap and abundant are your top 5%er Chad type guys, so they play by a different set of rules.

Zerofication · 2022-01-08T14:22:33+00:00

It's multifactored, but I would argue it has to do mostly with women not needing men for resources, this is what has ignited women's overfocus on looks. Combine that with their hypergamic nature and how sexual economics work, then you get a complete picture for why men's experience is binary on dating apps.

Stahlboden · 2022-01-08T09:58:28+00:00

Women are geared as sexual selectors with all positives and negatives that follow it. They don't just get thirsty for a 5/10 dude, they thirst for the men they percieve as the topmost percentage men in given state of society.

pubgmisc · 2022-01-08T15:45:16+00:00

Girl game is keeping the guy post-sex, guy game is leveling up the point you're visible and can get sex. In deregulated sexual market places like the west yeah the top 20% of single men are getting all the ladies, that's true

Artistic_Guest4386 · 2022-01-08T09:56:17+00:00

Because a very small amount of men are PHYSICALLY attractive.

This is a pill that even TRP'rs seem to struggle to swallow, but is the answer to a LOT of questions and everybody would benefit from acknowledging this and working on their own solutions from that starting point.

lemonwitchprince14 · 2022-01-08T10:15:18+00:00

I am so lost

iamthemovie1992 · 2022-01-08T15:06:16+00:00

It’s because, again, most women are into the same kind of guy. I understand that looks are “subjective” but only to a point. There are men with certain traits that will appeal to a much higher majority of women, and while that man won’t be attractive to maybe 2 out of 10 women in a given group, he’s still attractive to 8 of them.

It’s so binary because if you’re not one of the top 20%, then 80% of the women won’t be interested. Or I think it’s more like 10% and 90% respectively or some shit now. Either way, if you’re a guy and average looking, even maybe above average (like 6/10) you’re just wasting your time on dating apps entirely.

neetykeeno · 2022-01-08T11:39:36+00:00

Dating apps aren't there to make you happy they are there to make money. They aren't concerned with fairness. So long as the accounting looks good they don't care...if you can't get laid...if the apps are unsafe and full of hookers and predators...if a dozen men catch herpes off one thot.

They run it and they don't care. Why the fuck do you think it would work out ideally for anyone except by accident? Walmart ain't on your side and neither is Tinder.

wtknight · 2022-01-08T13:13:11+00:00

so realistically what do women think they can get matching and talking only with the very top few profiles?

A lot of women who use dating apps aren’t serious about finding their long-term partner and are just using the apps for dating and sexual adventures. If a guy with an average income has the option to test drive any car he wants, he’s often going to choose expensive sports cars that he can’t afford, not the dull-seeming car that he can actually afford.

Furthermore, there’s a very small chance that that hot guy might be really into the woman. It’s like playing a lottery where there’s a tiny chance to win and most of the time you’re just throwing your money away. Some women are willing to take that chance when the alternative is to make a sound but relatively boring investment, especially while said women are still young.

wub1234 · 2022-01-08T10:32:22+00:00

I don't think it's as binary as you think, as I believe that even for really attractive guys they will have significantly less activity on these platforms than average or even below average women. I would say that the binary aspect of online dating is far more pronounced in terms of a gender divide than an attractiveness divide.

Rough_Collections · 2022-01-08T12:57:02+00:00

Simple answer. Human brains are designed to operate in a 50 person environment. Male brains have more flexibility because until 70 years ago men were the one that typically interacted outside the group. While we are optimized for 50 people groups men have always been aware there are more than 50 people in an area and so had to evolve functions to deal with that.

Because most mating happened within the 50 person group the 15 women of child bearing age had their pick from the 25 men so average men never had mating opportunities in the pool. They had to leave the group if they wanted to mate.

Fast forward to now. If there are 50 attractive men on a dating app. Women assume that those are her options. She doesn't really understand there are more women than men and that getting bust down doesn't = commitment. Social media and dating app have exacerbated a growing problem. We can't out pace evolution.

Freedom_Investing · 2022-01-08T14:41:38+00:00

It goes back to our caveman/cavewoman brains. Women only want to breed with the best in the gene pool. This is how evolution happens in humans and how we keep becoming smarter, healthier, and stronger as a species. I do feel bad for men who talk about struggling on dating apps but they just need to find a way to present themselves as someone with top genes. Go to the gym if you are thin or fat, get your money right if you are broke, dress well, do your hair in the morning, get your teeth fixed, if you are short get limb lengthening, and so on.

We live in a tech rich world where you can now change literally anything and everything about yourself. Use it to your advantage.

BigAggravating1299 · 2022-01-08T11:59:47+00:00

I don't even bother nor care about females who are 7,8,9,10. I simply resigned as a male who is a 6, 7 on my best days...just to learn to enjoy the females that are 2,3,4,5,6

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CFinCanada · 2022-01-08T16:25:37+00:00

My bf had a median experience in OLD so they do exist. Having said this, this would have been 7+ years ago.

chilikettlechips · 2022-01-08T16:49:32+00:00

On a list of 149 countries’ Gini indices provided by the CIA World Factbook, this would place the female dating economy as 75th most unequal (average—think Western Europe) and the male dating economy as the 8th most unequal (kleptocracy, apartheid, perpetual civil war—think South Africa).

Here's the study

gattaca_ · 2022-01-08T17:35:25+00:00

if you are in a specific top percentile of attractiveness/photo selection, you are literally flooded with matches, below a certain threshold (that seems really high, i.e. 70/80% of the profiles) you literally beg for one or two matches every week with women who put zero effort in their profiles and look absolutely below average. re An attractive man is in high demand.

A lot of attractive men will fuck anyone. The result is the average woman can fuck chad, then she has little incentive to fuck the average joe.

The average joe shouldn't compete with chad since chad wins on looks alone and instead should work different angles - like the quirky fun guy, the rich guy, or the guy with lots of personality.

5689g00 · 2022-01-08T17:42:20+00:00

During the pandemic I was on POF and the guys were fairly respectful. Which was surprising, I got zero dick pics and mostly genuine interest. It was bad a few years before. I used mostly the same pics, maybe a different profile approach which may have helped. I did laugh a few times at the stuff guys said. Overall, I didn’t go on any dates. But I was surprised they weren’t complete jerks. It actually wasn’t that bad. As a female, it’s hard to weed it all out. I’m not just looking for someone handsome. It’s hard to tell who’s serious, who’s bad at texting, what’s out there. I literally got 300 messages in my inbox. I’m fairly photogenic, which helps. But I’m no hottie. I just couldn’t get through that many guys to figure it out. It’s hard for all of us. Even with options, because you just don’t know who’s on the other end of that picture.

And I date dad bod guys…. I can’t get the hottie gym guys. So, I don’t try.

wtknight · 2022-01-08T19:52:31+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ThatgodHermes · 2022-01-09T04:15:14+00:00

People on dating apps are looking for people they’re physically attracted to. It’s that simple.

decoy88 · 2022-01-08T13:35:11+00:00

78-90% of the userbase for any dating app are men. It’s a maths problem.

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-01-08T13:35:55+00:00

Because most men don't put any effort into their online profiles.

A lot of guys will put just one or two pictures and write nothing about themselves. They demonstrate extremely low effort into how they present themselves, both on the profile and in the pictures that go along with the profile.

And because women are flooded with matches and guys that want to fuck. There are way more guys trying to fuck women than women trying to fuck guys. Women bear most of the cost of raising an offspring and a lot of guys are literally dangerous to women's safety and wellbeing. Therefore women are not inclined to take a chance on some random guy unless he presents himself well.

Most men also put very little effort into grooming and presenting themselves well, that's simply a fact. Research shows that grooming matters more than good looks, both when it comes to dating and in the workplace.

Instead of thinking Chad gets all the girls because of his looks guys need to understand that they can present themselves as Brad and get a lot of the girls that otherwise would be interested in Chad but won't get him because they're 8 or lower themselves.

And before you claim that this means you/Brad is with somebody that would prefer to be with somebody better looking: all guys would prefer to be with a woman that's a perfect 10 if they could pull her - but they can't and are therefore stuck with the women they can get.

This is simply the reality for everybody: you can't always get what you want.

keeperoflosttime · 2022-01-08T18:55:11+00:00

It's just how the female brain works, it's all or nothing. Sorry if you don't make the cut.

bluehorserunning · 2022-01-08T14:50:40+00:00

If there are 100 men on a dating site, and 20 women, and they only have each other to match with, then doesn't it make sense that only the top 20 men *as defined by those 20 women* will get matches? This is going to happen without 'hypergamy,' without polygamy, without any nefarious input at all from either side.

LillthOfBabylon · 2022-01-08T11:11:07+00:00

but this doesn’t change that the hot guy ends up dating 3 different girls every weekend.

He typically puts in more effort into his looks than other men.
Sounds like he's just look for hookups. Looks/charms are very important in that category.

Most men are lazy when it comes to appearance and most men will not be Cassanovas.

Vtridolla · 2022-01-08T14:17:53+00:00

Human brains are not designed to form connections via little ass pixels on a phone. Who knew??

toasterchild · 2022-01-08T15:33:50+00:00

If you compare yourself to people who have more of something than you do you will always be miserable. Hot people didn't just have better luck after dating aps came along, they have always had more luck period. Being hot is awesome, nobody is going to deny that.

Women get what they can just like men get what they can, what they get likely relates to their hotness level, personality and ability to put together and interesting profile. Who told you life would be easy? Who told you that you deserve to get exactly what everyone else does in every situation?

beyond__redemption · 2022-01-08T16:05:41+00:00

You realize pretty much anyone with a semblance of abs is basically top 1% on those apps right? Anyone that's physically fit can do extremely well on tinder

CursedLemon · 2022-01-08T17:01:14+00:00

Because dating apps put a microscope on the extreme end of the dating experience for both men and women and then people try to convince you that that's how it is in the real world all the time.

prettymuchredpilled · 2022-01-08T18:13:22+00:00

We really need to keep in mind that there are many more active men than women on dating apps, especially Tinder. It's also been reported that something like ~30% of these men are already in committed relationships. With these basic stats in mind, the average woman will have a much larger pool than the average man no matter what. And this is before we even get into gender-based swiping behavior (obviously men tend to swipe right on a large number of potential mates, whereas women are more likely to hone in on a smaller number of top tier "Chads").

winteradventurer · 2022-01-08T19:48:24+00:00

SUPER SIMPLE REASON: In real life, girls are not going to go after men that they see many other girls are already talking to. Even the hottest guys can't go to a party and pick up several girls because once he gets 1 or 2 the others lose interest in him. Online, there is information blackout - the hot guys get almost everyone. The good news is that there is still real life.

AloneOnTheStrange · 2022-01-08T21:26:20+00:00

Because women are picky. If you can get the top 10%, why bother with the top 10-20%?

lemonwitchprince14 · 2022-01-08T22:23:42+00:00

So is this just pseudo statistics or… like Jfc. Why reduce individuals to a number or worry about getting laid or dating? Like whyyyy surely you could be spending time on something fun or a hobby. I’m so lost y’all wtf

lemonwitchprince14 · 2022-01-08T22:44:10+00:00

Also is this literally only for cisgender heterosexuals? If so, these statistics have no chance of being close to accurate

TakeTheVaccine · 2022-01-08T23:43:12+00:00

Buy a fucking boost and you’ll get matches. Move locations. Tinder is a numbers game for men since men outnumber women by 4:1

Business-Welder · 2022-01-09T11:22:27+00:00

Because all women want chads and next to no women want non-chads, it's that simple.

Women's tastes are virtually the same. Yes some women may prefer one type of chad over another, but that doesn't change much

Title	Why men experience on dating apps is so binary?
Author	Estaim
Upvotes	74
Comments	252
Date	January 8, 2022 9:38 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ryw7kg/why_men_experience_on_dating_apps_is_so_binary/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-men-experience-on-dating-apps-is-so-binary.1094018 https://theredarchive.com/post/1094018

Comments

78-90% of the userbase for any dating app are men. It’s a maths problem.