Hey all - I've been in monk mode lately.

I've decided to reboot my blog. Last week I inadvertently posted a link to a spreadsheet that had someone's facebook (thanks to whoever caught that) - I've redacted all names/links and the spreadsheet is now part of my "Lessons" page.

A link to the approaches tracker: Link

A link to the lifting tracker: Link

Here's what I've got:

I’m going to try my best to distill my learnings into a concise set of guidelines, organized roughly according to however the hell I remembered them.

Current Credentials (as of Feb 2017)

  • Six-figure annual earnings
  • Work <30 hrs/week
  • Bounce back and forth between downtown LA and downtown Seattle
  • Two popular apps built, communities growing, teams expanding
  • 100+ kickass sexual partners, 5+ kickass relationships
  • I’m healthy and happy with no known offspring

This is not to boast. It's to share my level of success so you know I'm not talking out of my ass. Keep in mind I grew up in foster care and I'm by no means "rich".

1: On Focus, Priorities, and Balance

If you want results, you’re going to have to amputate everything from your life that does not contribute to those results. This includes TV, social obligations, and maybe even your current hobbies. Every moment I spend has to answer the question, “Is this pushing you further in any of your goals?” If I’m not winding down, working out, earning money, or meeting women then – generally – I shouldn’t be doing it. Balance between your priorities is just as important as your focus on them. Fitness shouldn’t take more than ~10 hours per week so that leaves money and women for you to split the remainder of your waking hours between.

2: On Guy Friends

With some exceptions, a waste of time. They add overhead to your decision-making and logistics.

3: On Fitness

Physical fitness is absolutely critical. Libraries have been written about diet and exercise but it’s really quite simple: Exercise mitigates all kinds of health risks that you don’t think about in your teens and 20s. It also boosts your performance across the board: mental, emotional, physical. You gain respect from your peers and a handy excuse to say “nope” when they invite you out to drinks. You become powerful in bed – with increased stamina, control, and strength. Swoon.

You need to exercise like you need to eat food. It's very easy: Establish a routine, track your results, and work hard enough to sweat. Use a spreadsheet to track your results and ensure that your numbers are improving over time. Some details in reference to the linked spreadsheet:

  • I have this open via the Google Sheets app on my phone as I’m working out.
  • At the beginning of a set, I put 3x6x255 0 – then as I do my sets, I increase that 0 up to 3, and then rank the difficulty (e, m, h). This way I know whether or not to make a change the next time I hit that exercise.
  • You can pick/choose whatever exercises you like most – my knees and shoulder are genetically unstable so my sheet is catered to my preferences and limitations.
  • Diet is important but I’ve somehow managed to remain fit and healthy without putting much thought into it. Counting calories is a waste of time IMO unless you’re going competitive.

4: On Relationships and Monk Mode

Every once in a while I meet someone that I really enjoy my time with. At that point I shift into monk mode and focus on money until the cost of the relationship becomes more than the cost of being single. Then the relationship ends and the chase resumes. I do think that it’s possible to be completely and mutually fulfilled by someone special but I haven’t found that yet.

5: On Location

If you’re not downtown in some big city then you’re going to be fighting an uphill battle. Given that this stuff is all a numbers game, you need numbers. You don’t get numbers in bumfuck Ohio. Get downtown. If your situation doesn’t support this, focus on fixing your situation until it does (or just remain frustrated).

Cities are – for my intents and purposes – all the same. What makes any single densely populated location better than another is based purely on your preferences. What’s your target demographic? I like fit skinny Asians, so Hong Kong, Los Angeles, Seattle, San Diego etc are the best cities for me. You land, scope it out for hotspots, and get to work. Yeah, some might be warmer, safer, or more modern than others but I’m not in it for the sunshine.

6: On Tracking your Approaches

You need to track your results so you can constantly assess and adjust. You want to take a data-driven approach to your success – this is how you optimize your style and maximize your happiness. You might think that I’m taking this too seriously – and to that I say “you fuckin betcha”. My happiness is worth taking seriously and I’m going to engineer the shit out of it.

Here’s an example spreadsheet that I’ve used for this: Link. Some notes:

  • Every time I go out, I have this open. After an approach, I note the results.
  • I color code the status of each approach so I can quickly assess my trend and identify live leads to re-open.
  • I keep notes so I can periodically step back and introspect.

This approach has been a godsend because it demonstrates that on average, I end up sleeping with about 1 in 10 approaches. This means that if I approach ten chicks a day, I’m sleeping with someone new every day. This is coming from someone with a 5-face and an 8-body on a good day. Statistics don’t lie – and they’re highly reassuring when you’re resuming after a long hiatus.

7: On Bars and Clubs

Eck. I can’t compete with the hordes of club-wielding primates that surface at night. Who would want to?

If I do go out, it’s to a gay bar. There’s less competition, the drinks are stiffer, the barrier to entry when approaching chicks is lower. They have the added benefit of highlighting your strengths (body – A-shirt or something more revealing than a button-up) over your weaknesses (face, hairline – I wear a hat). You can really just be whoever you want to be at gay bars/clubs – it’s a really nice vibe. Guys will also encourage their lady friends to hook up if you’re in really good shape.

Though going out at night comes at the cost of your morning in the short-term, and your health in the long-term (assuming you need to drink to tolerate the headache, which I do). I do recommend that – when it comes to your dating portfolio – daytime approaches remain your primary investment. It’s memory-making stuff. You eliminate your competition and there are more girls to choose from at no extra cost! I laugh at my younger self for taking so much time to realize this.

8: On Time and Money

We’ve all heard it – real wealth comes in the form of time. I’ve worked hard to minimize my time spend and maximize my earnings so I can take advantage of material wealth while on the hunt. Being rich isn’t necessary, but having enough money to elicit feel-good vibes when someone comes over is nice. Being able to offer Ubers to anyone you meet is nice. Being able to fly people in for a nice weekend of hedonism every once in a while is nice. In my opinion, having one or the other is worthless. You need both time and money, and that’s what motivates me to work smart and hard.

9: On Online Dating

Only do it when you’re pooping or as a precursor to arriving in a new city. Seriously. It’s a total time sink unless you have a top-shelf face.

10: On Sport-Fucking

Sometimes a little challenge is good. Occasionally I’ll get into a sport-fucking kind of mood where I just want to set some juvenile, arbitrary goal and do it because I can. I call them challenges, and they make me feel powerful:

  • Mambo Challenge: Fuck an Angela, Pamela, Sandra, Rita, Monica, Erica, Tina, Mary, Jessica.
  • Vegas Challenge: Book a flight to Vegas, departing at 10AM the next day. Don’t book a hotel. Stay with someone you meet (or go back to the airport).
  • Boracay Challenge: This one’s easy if you’re white. Go to Boracay and have sex with someone new every day. Wrap it up and check the hands.
  • The Hour Challenge: Hook up with someone from the street within an hour.

Etc

11: On Guerrilla Dating

Think about Guerrilla Marketing. Take the principles of that concept and apply it to dating. Be unconventional. Make a lasting impression. Create memories. Some of my favorite memories have been products of this kind of thinking:

  • Build an app together.
  • Drive a truck up a mountain with a couch, champagne, a portable speaker, and some blankets. Watch the sun rise.
  • Sneak up to a rooftop with a blanket, champagne, and music. Watch the sun set.
  • Take boudoir photos of her – make her look sexier than she’s ever realized she is.
  • Deliver a rose to her with a fucking drone.
  • Teach her how to drive a stickshift.
  • Teach her how to ride a motorcycle.

All of these things are absolutely unforgettable because they resulted in a lifelong, sometimes life changing memory. I fucking love this stuff!

12: On Pulling Out

It’s happened to me twice. I meet someone amazing. I’m into them, hard. But I’m screwing around with other girls and I don’t pull out soon enough. All the communication and transparency in the world will never change the fact that – to her – “there was someone else.”

I can empathize with this because I’m a bit of a romantic. I see my life as a story – one that I want to be worth telling. Meeting someone that excites me is like starting a new chapter. If we start the chapter with my cock left behind then there’s bound to be some friction.

While it’s likely that the people you’re seeing are also seeing others, it’s worth exercising a bit of caution when you meet someone that blows you away. Don’t risk months or years of gold for days or weeks of mindless sex.

13: On Emotions and Tact

I don’t know about you, but my emotions sit high and heavy behind a pair of floodgates that are bursting at the hinges. I’m ready to dump all kinds of love and affection onto someone I care about.

I think the key is – I need to open those floodgates only as fast as theirs can go. Send little probes down into her heart to see what kind of feedback I get. Don’t mislead, but don’t sap the seduction dry either. Seduction is all about leadership – actively calibrating with her style and driving the growth of our compatibility through gestures. Gifts, affections, surprises, a general thoughtfulness that plants roots deep.

Just know that the goal here – for me anyways – is to maximize net happiness. Not “my happiness at the expense of others'”. So just exercise caution and don’t lead someone down a path that ends up hurting them when you can prevent it. I’ve been there and it’s not worth it.

14: On Being a Creep

Some strangers online have told me that approaching women during the day is “creepy”.

The majority of women I’ve met have been through daytime approaches. Wanna know how many times I’ve been called a creep? Zero. If someone calls you a creep, you either look like one and need to fix that, or you fucking are one and you need to fix that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with approaching someone, communicating your interest in knowing them, and respectfully bailing if they communicate disinterest (directly or otherwise).

15: On your Corporate Job

Keep in mind that this advice is coming from someone who’s only ever worked in the software industry:

In my opinion, once you get to a cush corporate gig, coast. Don’t shoot for gold stars; don’t try to compete with your peers. Just minimize your stress by minimizing your responsibilities. Reduce the number of meetings on your calendar as much as possible. Say no to social events (you have a gym routine, right?). Be thoughtful and kind to your peers – embrace opportunities to help out with legitimate problems. But be selectively social – socializing only with the few folks that have influence over your career. Eat lunch alone. Find a private place to work so you can minimize distractions. Get your work done early so you can focus on whatever makes you happy. Underpromise and overdeliver. See how much value you provide when you work as hard as you can and then cut that in half so you work 4-hour days. Be concise and direct in your communications, and stingy with your time. People will (hopefully) respect you as someone who focuses on doing a good job, while you open up your schedule to what’s really important – your own entrepreneurial endeavors and self-education.

Just don’t let your job become your life. Otherwise you’ll end up dying with your dreams.

16: On Men vs Women

Men and women are extremely different – inside and out. Millions of years of evolution have led to men being competitive and women being selective. Think of your city as a modern version of the jungle and realize that we’re all here to fuck and persist our genes. That’s the point of life – to keep living.

We evolved into a sexual species with women on one end – emotionally sharp and scrupulous in their choice of potential sexual partners. Men are on the other – physically robust and compelled to outwit his fellow suitors in pursuit of the highest quality mate(s).

Embrace this shit! Our needs, motivations, and behaviors all stem from this very simple truth. We’re here to fuck, and bro, you’re the offensive line.

Everything else is just a means to that end.

17: On Rejection

You’re going to get rejected a LOT. It could be because the person you’re talking to has a boyfriend, is in a bad mood, because you’re not her type, or any other array of reasons that are outside of your control. Laugh it off and say “Next.” The only rejections I remember are the hilarious ones. If you think about this from a sales mindset, things should become a bit more accessible. It’s all a numbers game.

18: On Hobbies

Your hobbies should support your goals – get fit, make money, meet women. My hobbies serve those purposes:

  • Riding motorcycles – talk about adrenaline. Teach her!
  • Driving fast stickshift cars – same.
  • Playing with drones – same.
  • Boudoir photography – great opportunity to lead, to teach, to have memories of your experience captured in the sexiest way possible.
  • Travel/Street photography – show off your comfort with/around strangers, make some connections, capture some stories together
  • Boxing – teach her!
  • Surfing – teach her!
  • Billiards/Darts – teach her!
  • Build apps – show her! Get her input, share your passion.

19: On Courtesy

Courtesy costs nothing. Whether or not you’re around some girl – look for opportunities to help people. Constantly be on the lookout for someone you can assist. Hold doors open, help someone pick up all the shit they just dropped, common sense stuff. It feels fantastic but most people don’t think to jump on those opportunities. I’ve found that simple, kind gestures speak volumes to the people around you – but don’t do it to impress otherwise it won’t become second nature :).

20: On Relationship Hacks

If you meet someone that really blows you away, invest in the relationship from the beginning:

  • Make an effort to remember little details. Favorite foods, colors, gold vs silver, favorite flower, etc. I write this shit down because of my old-man memory. Then weeks or months later you can make something special for her based on those little tidbits.
  • Small gifts are unforgettable. Random naughty cards with some cute catered flirtations. Meaningful trinkets. Make her smile with these little things that could forever rekindle positive vibes.
  • Go out of your way to spend quality time with her. Out of everything you’ve learned about her, what kind of little excursion would make her smile? Surprise her with it!
  • Tell her she’s sexy as fuck. Tell her you like her. A little affirmation goes a long away.
  • Don’t be selfish in bed. Foreplay forever if she’s into it, and then get primitive. Figure out what she likes! Use your words! Sparingly though, jesus.
  • Get good at drawing so you can make shitty comics when unforgettable shit happens between you.

Stuff like that. Make her day.

21: On Boners

Get boners everywhere. I brought back a fuckton of Viagra from Vietnam so I could just pop a pill to pitch a tent while on dates. Wear sweatpants for it. It’s hilarious and flattering. I recently had a yoga instructor come over to teach me some new moves; we made it to updog.

22: On Opening

I’m no fan of “canned lines” or any of that robotic bullshit. Everyone has their own style, their own personality, and their own set of “things to say”. I say fuck the bullshit “tricks” – if you’re doing card tricks or wearing funny hats to “peacock” or whatever, you’re going to see my tail lights. Honesty is potent stuff:

  • You just made me do a U-turn. You’re cute as hell, I’m chopsticks.
  • Holy shit! <she looks up> You’re cute as hell. What’s your name?
  • Excuse me, I have a serious question. What’s your name. / goofy-ass smirk
  • If she’s taking a selfie alone, offer to help. Then say “you can take a picture with me and tell your friends you met a model” < funny because I’m NOT attractive

That kind of stuff. I spent months trying “lines” etc until I just developed my own based on my own personality traits – you should do the same. It might not work at the beginning but that’s where practice and adaptation come into play – body language, tonality, style, smile, etc. Practice and track. Let your style evolve through trials the same way our whole fucking species has. It will work, but you must iterate at high frequency.

23: On The Dangers of Experience

When I was in college I wanted to gain confidence with women because I wanted to find “the one”. I’ve now gained that confidence along with some unintended consequences.

I now find that sex with strangers is intoxicating. It makes me feel powerful. My tolerance for imperfection has declined as I have more positive experiences. My definition of perfection has become increasingly precise. Every girl I meet gives me a new flavor of excitement, a new reason for my heart to race. Adversely, another reason why “this one isn’t good enough”. Another reminder that “there’s someone better out there”. It’s not unhappiness – it’s just a growing hunger for more, for better. It’s an addiction!

If you do this, you might end up flying a bit too close to the sun, leaving yourself in a permanent state of wanting.

Something to be mindful of, otherwise you may just end up fucking your way into oblivion.

That's about it for now! Hope you enjoyed. If you did, keep an eye on my blog as I'll be re-authoring a bunch of my old posts as I have time to do so - though those will be mostly stories instead of lessons.