I wasted my teens and 20s focusing narrowly on savings money. I did not enjoy the process or experience much in life. I am socially a hermit and have never even flirted with a girl. How do I unscrew my situation?

BeASimpleWinner · 2021-07-27T15:16:52+00:00

It is never too late. I'm in my early thirties and the best dating years of my life have been in the past 4 years or so. Honestly, it's only looking better from here too. Here's some inspiration that helped me:

"The best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago. The next best time is right now."

Lost-Strawberry-5621 · 2021-07-27T16:40:14+00:00

Trust me man you didn’t “waste” anything. You are so far ahead of the financial curve, with no commitments too. I’m sure a lot of divorced 20’s men (myself included) would kill to be in your shoes. You invested your twenties so you could enjoy the rest of your life. You hold all the cards, and have so many options to fine happiness in yourself and live life to the fullest. Travel, move, find a hobby, etc. But NEVER worry about dating. Women are repulsed by needy men. When you lack experience, you have unrealistic expectations.

Raptor2cool · 2021-07-27T15:22:49+00:00

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Xabierku · 2021-07-27T15:49:00+00:00

Well you are not in bad position mate. You are 28 years young. There is a lot to do! At least you did not get married and then divorced. I'm gonna try to give you some facts on about how to enjoy life from my perspective.

First of all, are you healthy? If the answer is yes, then there is nothing stopping you. Also you need to assure that your health stays good. Try to eat a balanced diet, find a way to exercise that you like (you can watch the olimpics to get some inspiration on what you find cool, regardless of the level of difficilty, try it!), Walk daily, drink water. You can also take of your image, groom yourself, go to a good barber to get a solid haircut (research a good one in you area), buy a good fragance (a good one is about 50€ on Internet and lasts plenty of time, so you can use it for your work days on special occasions and even every day), skincare works wonders too.

People will start to notice this, trust me. So if they talk or ask you something just answer their questions in a kind manner and ask something you are curious about to start a convo.

Lets jump on the topic of girls. Girls are normal human beings like everyone else. They have their issues insecurities and all that stuff. Dont try to get a girlfriend romantic partner something like that (no FWB, or easy hookups). You first mission is to find a friend or a group of friends amongst women. If you have a grouo of friends mostly composed, or ideally, only composed by girls, you will find dating and everything related to girls super-easy. Do the same with boys, having a good amount of male friends has a ton of benefits too.

Hobbies are not a problem, anyone can have a hobby. There is only one thing needed, and its the valuable currency, freetime. Try to find something, relates to some activite, place or objective that you like. Maybe you like eating, so you can try cooking (thats only and example).

This my last advice, you need a rest. Try to improve your sleep, sleep hygiene is basic. Or maybe another type of rest like organaising a trip to unwind, or go travel somewhere, august starts now! At last but not least, conquer your fear about your bankruptcy and retirement money. You are not gonna go broke for spending 500€ on a trip or on improving yourself, see it as an investment (like you did with money), this last step of overcoming your fear is the most important one. Good luck mate!

PS: I hope that everything in this text is understandable, I'm practising my english.

PrettyLittlePenguin · 2021-07-27T15:16:06+00:00

Define your goals, define steps towards those goals and take action. That is all there is, it's simple but not easy.

bean_addict · 2021-07-27T16:48:16+00:00

Read Models by Mark Manson the the six pillars of selfesteem. Then go out and practice

IntroMystique · 2021-07-27T16:59:29+00:00

First thing that I want to say is that you’ve attached a time-limit to the things you wanted to achieve.

Love and happiness have no time and space. It is completely free of fixation.

I felt compelled to comment on this because we sound somewhat similar. My experiences have been just like yours. I keep attaching this imaginary time-limit to everything. It’s fictitious. It doesn’t exist.

Revert inwards. You sound as though you made a lot of improvements external of your being — now start making changes internal of your being.

For example: So often I find myself saying that I ‘need’ to get a girlfriend before I’m this age, etc. It’s a terrible limit to apply to oneself. All the while, I have so much to improve and learn about myself. In the process, work on who YOU are as a person. Not what your parents, your friends, your peers want you to be. Who YOU want to be. Who YOU are. Throw yourself at the world. For example: For me, it’s starting back at my gym. I was almost nauseated with fear before starting back. I’m underweight. My posture and confidence need improving. I need to understand what triggers my negative emotions and overcoming them. Finding new and better ways to conquer my low self-worth. Reading books and educating myself on new things. Practicing patience. Learning as many new skills as I possibly can. All the while, I’m pushing through severe bouts of stress. Deep bouts of depression and sadness from my experiences. It’s not easy. But I say to myself: if I don’t start working on this now, breaking my habits, I’ll be 40YO saying the exact same thing.

On the other hand, look at what you’ve achieved. What are the positive attributes about yourself? If you were a woman, viewing yourself as a male, would you find yourself attractive? What’s your reasoning behind it?

One of the positives I take away from being so self-reflective and living the life I have is that people tend to take a liking to me. I mean it as humbly as possible but it’s so flattering and such a compliment when people simply ‘like’ who you are as a person. While I work on my physical attributes, my character has always been one of my strong-points. Women really take to my laid-back, kind persona. I’m also very stern when needed. People take me as such.

These are some things that I enjoy about myself and it’s important to focus on the positives and apply them to your own self-improvement.

Please, do NOT feel like it’s over because you didn’t experience what you would’ve liked to when you were in your 20’s. Start now. Apply what you’ve learned and continue to make smart, financial decisions. What I’ve learned is that money can offer you freedom. Thanks to your hard work, you are now at an advantage to people that are also in your situation, yet are penniless. We often view money as though it will fulfil some deep emotional and spiritual void within us. “It will bring women” — something I’ve never subscribed to. Don’t view money as something that has emotions attached to it.

So don’t give up. You are simply at the end of a chapter, one that you are tired of reading. Allow the next chapter to unfold and once you close on it, be sure that this one is indeed an interesting read!

rsyousaf · 2021-07-27T17:14:01+00:00

It's never too late! I am from a culture where I was not allowed to do anything but study so I focused only on that until I was 25. I realized then how useless of a life I was living and I slowly started saying yes to new experiences and people and I have had the best last four years of my life. I also had no sexual experience until I was 28. Kissed the first guy at 28 and had sex at 28. You don't even have to tell people just become open to new things :) Watch documentaries to learn about things, listen to podcasts and see what you would like to try. Best of luck!

ErnieJohn · 2021-07-27T18:53:59+00:00

First things first: Just because you were saving money doesn't mean you don't/didn't have time to meet women. Don't BS yourself.

Second: To quote the Red Hot Chili Peppers "there's never been a better time than right now!". Start today

RProgrammerMan · 2021-07-27T16:25:51+00:00

If I were you I would try salsa dancing. What happens in the class is all the guys and girls rotate with each other practicing the movement that the instructor is teaching that day. So it’s a great way to gain practice interacting and flirting with women in a low pressure environment. Where I am there is a large community of people who participate so by going to classes and to parties you are plugged into a large community of both men and women. So if you’re looking to go from zero to hero it’s a great way to do it. And being a good salsa dancer gives you another plus in the win column for anyone looking to go out with you. Going salsa dancing gives you a lot of experience approaching and interacting with women.

jam-unam · 2021-07-27T16:34:56+00:00

Well, you won’t regret that in the future, maybe yeah you coulda found a balance. You could be like me, same age as you and have virtually nothing saved.

But I have some experience with girls.

Start saying hello to girls all of them. Start saying hello to strangers. Everyone just anyone.

Start smiling at girls but just don’t be creepy. Just smile nicely and be on your way when you see them.

I’ll message you because I could teach you some stuff about girls if you teach me a thing or two about money..

FoulTarnished94 · 2021-07-27T16:59:29+00:00

I think 90% of your problem would be solved If you can learn how to walk up to someone who smiles at you and say something nice.

PurpleLightningart · 2021-07-27T18:45:40+00:00

It’ll suck, but get in shape, join a gym. And just start dating

YetzirahToAhssiah · 2021-07-27T19:50:38+00:00

Damn, way to go on those savings, honestly

wagsyman · 2021-07-27T17:39:21+00:00

I'm you in a lot of ways except I spent my money freely going out and having some fun and stuff... Wasted a lot on video game skins too... I also feel like I lack a deep fundamental purpose in life and trust me I would rather have money! Lol... you aren't in a bad spot by any means. You're in a great place. You have something that so few people our age have which is some real financial security and an intelligent use of money. You know how many fucking idiots there are like me who are only just now waking up to trying to save money? Honestly me saving 200k sounds fucking impossible so seriously big props to you man. You focused on an important cornerstone of having a good life and you definitely succeeded in my opinion.

You can 100% learn to be more social and build up that aspect of your life. It is hard, I understand what it's like to be terrified around people and women especially. My first girlfriend broke up with me after 3 weeks because I wouldn't hold her hand or hug her or touch her at all because I was terrified of what if she didn't actually want me to. Even when her friends explicitly told me "she wants you to touch her" lmao I still did not. I've come a long ways since then but it's definitely something you can practice and out effort into!! Don't put yourself down man, you're in a great spot to take some steps towards the life you want to live.

2021-07-27T17:43:13+00:00

You are in a great position! Young and have your whole life ahead of you. Friends and/or women just drain the pockets… trust me. Start a business as a priority. And women second. Life is all a business transaction. Use a percentage for entertainment and still save. If you marry, prepare a prenup. If she truly loves you for you, she won’t care! YOU ARE NUMBER ONE THOUGH AT THE END OF THE DAY! Do nothing and keep nothing that brings you unhappiness.

ncsakira · 2021-07-27T19:03:09+00:00

Good , money will help you with your confidence. But depending on which country you are 200k may be nothing. And always remember try to enjoy your job and be happy girls will like that. However, better alone that in bad relationship. Trust me.

observenlearn1111 · 2021-07-27T19:28:53+00:00

Which catches your attention? Bicycle , motorcycle , cars , skateboards etc. Try finding a hobby or something adventurous that got your interest. I maybe saying this because i love such sport. But they are great way to socialize and to break the hard shell.

infinitydeluxe · 2021-07-27T19:12:04+00:00

Dude you’re only 28. You haven’t even hit your stride. Plenty of time

DiabeetisFetus · 2021-07-27T23:01:44+00:00

Money is a tool. Use it to achieve what you want. You want to have a healthy social life and romantic experiences? Maybe you can allocate some of your time (and if you are willing money too) towards social experiences. Besides saving money, what do you enjoy doing? Is there anything that you've ever thought trying but didn't? What if you were to try it now? Allow yourself to experiment with different things just to see if you like it or not. Try something just for the sake of trying it, even just one time. If you don't allow for new experiences in your life then everything will stay the same. Make room, time, and money for new experiences.

What I'm picking up from your post is it may be time for you to start investing in yourself rather than the equities/bonds market.

alexminne · 2021-07-27T17:12:45+00:00

You got the wealth figured out my guy. That’s always a +1 for attraction. Get yourself some nice clothes and a good haircut, find a hobby (golf, rock-climbing, swing dancing whatever it doesn’t matter) and start talking to the girls there as practice. Use your wealth to get yourself out there

cataza · 2021-07-27T19:37:20+00:00

Finance has more priorities than girls dude.
You can have fun until 40s with 20s girls, no problem.

CleanWholesomePhun · 2021-07-27T18:00:02+00:00

I would recommend trying to have as many conversations as possible OUTSIDE of a seduction context. If you're a hermit like this you just need to get social.

This might seem silly but when I was trying to grow from an impossibly introverted person to a more social animal, I practiced making old people smile at the grocery store and on campus.

Senior citizens are usually bored, good at conversation, and of course have the same social responses as people in your peer group, but lower stakes.

I shit you not, I have same conversation with grandmas and grandpas at the grocery store about how those are the prettiest avocados, grapes, turnips, or whatever as I do with beautiful women, and if they seem excited or glad to talk to me, we do from there and maybe cool things happen.

xNilon · 2021-07-27T21:51:04+00:00

I have a kind of similar situation, even though I would say I have more experience in dating as I had a long term relationship of 6 years, I'm now 26 and it ended last year. This was my only dating experience so far and I'm struggling with getting back to that. When I turned 18 my mother had saved up 2600€ only, right now I'm at around 50 - 55k € depending on stock market development. So I gained a lot of money through these years but not to that extreme as you did. This is why I think my idea of what to do might be helpful.

Get clear of what your goals are (you already wrote some in your post. Are there more?)
Learn how these goals can be achieved - sit down and learn about these topics. Other people your age might know all this by default, you do not and it's totally okay.
For at least one full year, quit saving money totally. From that ~30k income you get, you should not save up any money for a year, but invest the same amount of money into your goals or rather yourself.. Buy books, courses, clothes, if there's a chance to go out and socialise, do it, and use this money resource that you have to boost your learning curve. Maybe keep track of what you invested in which category, to see potential where you could do more. The money you already have invested will probably grow anyway, so you can easily lose one year of investment. Also this will already be challenging for you and put you out of your comfort zone.
Don't aim for perfection, but for progress.
Keep challenging yourself, saving money and investing it is easy for you, but there's almost no potential to grow in this field for you in particular.
Whatever you do, never give up until you achieve your goals, stand up again after each fail amd continue, it will not be easy and it will not be comfortable, but you will learn to get happiness from struggling and working for your goals.
You can do it!

brainenfuego · 2021-07-27T17:48:19+00:00

My two cents? You need to get some help foe your obsessive issues before you go meeting a woman. For one, you’re going to be taken advantage of because you’re overcompensating for your lack of experience. You’ll spend money to prove to yourself you can, and you’ll most likely spend it trying to impress women. Al you end up doing is losing money paying for stuff and dinners and vacations to Impress women who will see straight through your act, glom onto your naïveté, and take you for all you’re worth.

Or…you’ll spend money and hate yourself for doing so, In which case a woman won’t feel comfortable around you anyway, and you’ll be doubly depressed and disappointed. You have issues far beyond not having kissed or screwed a woman.

Get off your ass, start reading The Unplugged Alpha by Richard Cooper. In fact, shoot me your email in my dm, I’ll send you a copy, along with a slew of PUA books and general “masculine” books to up your frame, your game, and your life. Once you’ve achieved these other things, women will start coming to you.

Take some dough and go visit an Asian massage parlor. Get your nut out of the way so you can concentrate on other stuff.

boy362 · 2021-07-27T18:04:38+00:00

I think you actually ahead a lot of people. Think about it 200k investment and it's growing over time compounding. You don't even have to contribute to it anymore and the money will keep growing. You can use money hire coach, buy clothes, gym membership etc...while other people have to work paycheck to paycheck. And think about it you about to be financially free and not have to work. You get all these hours to do whatever you like in this case maybe date more women while people gotta work eight hours. So that's why I say you actually ahead going forward.

Blackmetalpenguin90 · 2021-07-27T20:10:12+00:00

You are in a pretty good situation in my opinion. You did not waste your 20s, you merely went in a different order than most people, and built a foundation for yourself young, while others were having fun and socialising. Now that you realised that simply saving money will not make you happy, it's time to take some time to introspect. Find what you lack in life, what you want to improve in, what you want to do with the time on this planet. I wish you all the best!

jon_ster · 2021-07-27T20:47:01+00:00

Start spending it on shit you can now afford. Enjoy your 30’s bro ✌️

Livinlikelary11 · 2021-07-27T21:08:04+00:00

You're 28, you still have plenty of time to get out and have some fun.

Since it seems you regret not getting out, make that your goal, along with breaking your hermit lifestyle.

Plan some trips! Try a hobby! Take a dance class!

Don't blow your savings, of course, but push your boundaries. Do you things that would make you uncomfortable (within reason)

SDott123 · 2021-07-27T22:11:39+00:00

Just drop a wad of 100s and a magnum condom on the ground, in front of the hottest babe you can find. Trust me OP, you gonna be alright.

Madelinecole09 · 2021-07-27T22:32:15+00:00

This is kind of me rn. I’m young (16) and really academically and financially focused and I feel really sad at times because I’m missing out on potential relationships/friendships and it’s hard for me to let loose and just have fun for whatever reason

spilispiry · 2021-07-27T23:52:28+00:00

"And my biggest desire was to have a health social life and romantic experiences"

That sounds like a good purpose

lawrencep93 · 2021-07-28T01:10:53+00:00

I am 28 in a similar situation however which a much large investment balance. I started to invest heavily in coaching, moved out of home at 27 and have gained years of growth I missed out. I have always been in the game space but sort of average results moved out got hit with covid lockdowns which still are locked up here in Australia. However it is not too late you are still young, being male you have at least another 10 years to travel, get experiences, network, date, meet people, use the passive income from investments to fund self-development and work on getting a higher paid job, talk to a coach and remove the blocks and fear singing I have no goals because you do but it is usually held back from coming up due to fear or feeling it is not possible, I am still working through these blocks myself

Blaphrodite · 2021-07-28T01:20:06+00:00

You’re still young. Get out there.

The line I’ve never had a girlfriend because I’ve been too busy trying to be financially stable might work on a good girl out there

FatBastard2575 · 2021-07-28T01:59:52+00:00

Women focus on your finances, so you did a great job saving to get a woman. A woman may say that she doesn’t care about money, but trust me, you won’t get a single woman if she makes more than you. I highly recommend listening to a dead comedian Patrice O’Neal on youtube. He explains how women work using the best analogies and you will be laughing every second as you learn.

Reckless_Rik · 2021-07-28T03:49:47+00:00

This was a depressing read but I guess because it hit alittle too close to home. I too am a compulsive saver and whenever I would express that, people wouldn't really get it and be like "nah thats good, wish I was like that". Its not. Its not good. Sometimes its appropriate to live life a little, sometimes its necessary to take risks. What's the point in saving all thwt money if you aint gonna do anything with it. Its practically useless. And I often force myself to at at least once every so often treat myself. Do something. Lol like I have to physically force myself to do it, cuz every fibre in my being would just let it accumulate.

Number1sun · 2021-07-28T06:03:02+00:00

Congratulations you are in the top 2% financially, go out and meet a girl and you’re set YOU MADE IT

affinity94 · 2021-07-28T08:08:50+00:00

Start investing in your life now is what I would say. Not sure how old you are and it probably doesn’t matter at this point. If you’re alive you’re still in the game. The best way I knew how to take my life back and slowly get out of my own imprisonments was starting inward and knowing I needed to change.

To start I’ve spent hours looking at YouTube and stumbled upon Jason Capitals video on Russell Brand. Not sure how but this ultimately changed how I think and how I approached life all together although this video was about how to attract women. I was sold and consumed lots and lots of similar content. From watching how to be an aloha male, keeping conversations, to Huberman Lab.

Start with watching infields or watching pickup artists. See how they maneuver through the interactions. I’ve basically applied these principles through all aspects of my life. Not saying I’m hitting on people all the time. It teaches you a lot about how people interact with each other and how you can respond. Look up emotional intelligence too.

To be honest I think socializing is a muscle and that it’s an important one. It’s one thing to research. It’s another to put into practice. It’s important to note rejection will happen. Start with small interactions and put in those reps.

150420throwaway · 2021-07-28T10:17:36+00:00

I understand what people are saying in the comments, but guys, saying “you wasted nothing” doesn’t help OP, or me, as I’m 21 in almost the same scenario.

He needs advice regarding his weaknesses, not compliments regarding his strengths (good saving and more money than a lot of people). Money isnt* everything, but it is important. I don’t want to socially inept or suck when it comes to dating/hooking up, I want to live.

gillmanblacklagooner · 2021-07-27T16:51:34+00:00

Therapy, first. Go to a good professional who'll listen to you.
Second thing: please, take care with a lot of "manly advices". Pickup lines and "Man Up Yourself" are most comonly traps full of sexist and frustrated man looking to girls as objects.

I assume you already invest in yourself: graduation, classes... keep studying and becoming specialized. Knowledge is never a waste of money.

What do you like to experiment? There's not a single road or path. You can try different sports or hobbies. Develop your own tastes, likes and dislikes gradually.

No need to hurry up now.

morandoss · 2021-07-27T16:06:43+00:00

its like reading my story dude..this s not a bad thing at all! i am crypto investor and i'm doing the same like you .working -home ..better to waste few years and be really ahead financially and be stable than being broke without purpose.you found your purpose,now go out and spend some money my man :) visit egypt,japan etc. find new friends

Mindless_Throat_7088 · 2021-07-27T19:54:13+00:00

Hookers and blow to catch up on life. Thank me later

dropmeoffhere · 2021-07-27T15:23:47+00:00

Adventure into the woods for 30 days with little food and supplies just to see if you can do it. It may change your life forever.

2021-07-27T16:30:10+00:00

it's awesome that you got the financial side of your life taken care of. use that to your advantage and maybe shell out some money on self-help courses that will help you get better socially, and anything else you want to improve on.

you have the money to get the best mentors in the world for what ever you want to get better at. you're sitting in a really good position.

blizzardboy · 2021-07-27T21:01:32+00:00

Get out of your head man. Go to a rave or travel to China or Egypt. It’s like 5k to do that. Here nobody cares about your insecurities it’s all in your mind. Really every person has some kind of regret/insecurity and you will never know, ignore it

czfreak · 2021-07-27T21:24:05+00:00

It’s definitely not too late and having money will only help. I hit my stride at 29-30 and started banging nothing but 19-22 year old girls for a few years until I chose a girlfriend. Hitting the gym and spending some of that money on steroids will help a lot.

burncushlikewood · 2021-07-27T21:26:49+00:00

It's never too late, get on the manosphere buy some game books and just dive into it. Update your wardrobe, hit the gym, and do some approaches you'll find your way. At this age girls are desperate to get married because the ones that haven't gotten married yet want too before it's too late. The girls have a short window of fertility to have children, and you have the money to back up your campaign of poon. A great pua author is vin dicarlo, reading his material literally changed my life, it's hard to grasp but it works, good luck

NairbHna · 2021-07-27T16:46:59+00:00

Take steps that would lead you to have a social life. Don’t make it complicated, be genuine and find other genuine people.

ImeanNoHarm521 · 2021-07-27T16:39:09+00:00

This might be terrible advice bc I do not know your medical conditions but, you need something to get you out there. You need something to really give you the guts and ambition and CHARM to go out and talk to the people you find attractive. I’m talking about drugs. A little bit of molly, or a line cocaine. Maybe even some adderall. Just a little, you don’t want to seem even a little bit high. These drugs will make you socialize to the fullest extent if done in moderation.

Fantastic_Web45 · 2021-07-27T16:33:39+00:00

Therapy is a good start! Sounds like you have social issues to work through.

wildcatzz · 2021-07-27T17:59:58+00:00

I did the same thing. Go see a therapist. It helped me the most with social anxiety and slowly trying al the new things.

dark_maracuya666 · 2021-07-27T18:44:19+00:00

For the money problem i would recommend you go to therapy, maybe you got some problem there, don't misunderstand saving money is super good, but not spend it on living is worried. and to know people you should download Tinder just for looking friends, it may work, but yeah, go to therapy it change life. i hope you can solve your problem :)

__sad_but_rad__ · 2021-07-28T00:57:32+00:00

And my biggest desire was to have a health social life and romantic experiences. I failed.

so your biggest desire was to have a healthy social life and romantic experiences, but instead of pursuing social activities and dating, you devoted your time to acquiring wealth?

that's like me saying that my biggest desire was to become an engineer and then feeling like a failure after finishing med school

What would you recommend?

doing things that get you closer to your goals, instead of random unrelated stuff

Datingcoachcee · 2021-07-28T01:33:19+00:00

I hate to plug what I do but look into getting a coach to teach you how to meet women. You need to have strong social skills and be able to put yourself out there so you can meet girls and start getting some experience under your belt. Learn how to cold approach! PM me if you have any more questions.

workingforthedream · 2021-07-28T10:38:30+00:00

Buy a boat!

Alpha-Charlie-Romeo · 2021-07-28T10:43:57+00:00

I did that too. I'm 24 and saved all my money. I intended on getting a house, I invested all my money and spent essentially none of it. It wasn't until COVID started that I realised that I was completely wasting my time.

Even if I save my money, I still won't have enough money to do everything I want to do. So I've now come to accept that there is absolutely no way on this planet I could do even half of what I want to do and boy was it hard to accept that.

Since COVID started I've decided to screw getting a house, screw the notion of being sensible, screw the idea of not spending more money then I have. Screw my future. I've spent a lot of money. I've gone and got a skydiving license, I did a rally driving course, I'm planning my first trip abroad (and alone) and I've booked festivals that I've always wanted to go to and I bought a shiny new car straight off the factory. I regret that this is all happening during COVID times, I'd have loved to do this when everyone was still outside and everything was happening, but I feel so much better. Like I'm free from my shackles. I'm even thinking about quitting my horrible job and just spending a year screwing around with all the money I've saved. Just spend it all and start fresh. Get a new job after I've spent my money, doing something I like rather than what pays and just live a meagre life spending money like it grows on trees as long as I don't land in the worst possible situation.

The only problem is now that I can't stop thinking about my future. I know that I'm screwing my future up and it stresses me out quite a lot when I sit and think about things. It seems I still haven't convinced myself I'm doing the right thing. Ah well. I'm not sure there is a correct way or a good way to live life. Unless you're lucky enough to break it rich, we've got to do the best with what we can.

wolfystein7 · 2021-07-27T17:14:25+00:00

Wanting to save money is good, but not spending money on the things in life sounds a bit excessive. If you are still struggling with that, I would suggest you consult a psychologist first.

paddywacknack · 2021-07-27T18:49:39+00:00

Get a dating coach.

Hot_Knowledge · 2021-07-27T23:37:59+00:00

Don't know if anyone has mentioned this or not but in my opinion you should go on a hiatus/sabbatical/extended vacation. Whatever you want to call it. You're young, don't have a family depending on you for support, you have money, and lack life experience. Now is the perfect time to do some cool shit with your life before it's too late. You're obviously smart with money, you can save up again in your 30's and 40's when your truly tied down to a job you may or may not like. My guess is your probably not tied down by anything except your obsession with hoarding cash, which is something you can let go of. Quit your job, live off your savings for a while and TRAVEL. Not to one place because your limiting your experiences, go to a whole bunch of places. See and do as much as you can. Meet some new people. Just fucking get out there and live life. I'm not saying go crazy and piss away every dollar, but what good is saving money if you never spend it? Right? You said you had $200k? You could spend half of that on a killer vacation and still have a great nest egg leftover

2021-07-27T16:41:33+00:00

How does the inflation rate making your savings remarkably worth less make you feel

Msbehaving_ · 2021-07-27T15:53:15+00:00

Try out hobbies to start, when you go to buy the new thing if someones around ask questions. Try to put yourself out there even if you are nervous! That's the only way to start the process!

BluePsychosisDude2 · 2021-07-27T16:31:16+00:00

Recognizing you are unhappy is the first step towards change, if you didn't know you were unhappy you would keep doing what you were doing, saving money instead of experiencing life. Now that you know you want more you can start to research how to branch out and try new things. That's why you're here, this is a positive step for you, believe it or not.

Lost-Strawberry-5621 · 2021-07-27T16:38:56+00:00

Trust me man you didn’t “waste” anything. You are so far ahead of the financial curve, with no commitments too. I’m sure a lot of divorced 20’s men (myself included) would kill to be in your shoes. You invested your twenties so you could enjoy the rest of your life. You hold all the cards, and have so many options to fine happiness in yourself and live life to the fullest. Travel, move, find a hobby, etc. But NEVER worry about dating. Women are repulsed by needy men.

socialanimal_us · 2021-07-27T16:55:51+00:00

Checkout www.YouTube.com/socialanimal - look at the subscriber challenges videos and reach out :)

Richard_strokerr · 2021-07-27T16:56:16+00:00

Can u explain who or why u were so obsessed with saving? At least u invested it, it would be stupid to just have a huge saving account. Was it your parents or Dave Ramsey or something?

gmahogany · 2021-07-27T17:00:58+00:00

Yeah man, I flipped that mindset. I have a fun car and a nice place. I’m not saving as much as I could be but having a great time. Balance.

2021-07-27T17:08:08+00:00

Damn thanks for sharing, I’m 21 and just started my first job a month ago and I feel this so hard I’m also constantly thinking about money and saving and I kinda made the decision that I was going to just not spend and kinda be a recluse until I made more but this is really making me rethink that

mcnos · 2021-07-27T17:24:45+00:00

“I had women ask me out”

Some redditor

30vanquish · 2021-07-27T17:29:14+00:00

You built a solid safety net.

Now you can take risks.

Look at the best posts from this subreddit through the years which teach attraction and how to socialize.

Then socialize.

Find a higher paying job too.

kemar7856 · 2021-07-27T17:29:44+00:00

Your 30s will make up for it I was pretty much the same without the savings though so ur already ahead

theMystk · 2021-07-27T17:44:15+00:00

No regrets. You have built a solid foundation to rise upon. Now, get out of you social comfort zone. Push your self-made boundaries. Fuck up magnificently knowing you tried. Learn something new everyday about yourself, what you like and don't like...and challenge those again every few years.

Leave your nest egg for your future self to enjoy. It's okay to be single for awhile as you learn what will make you happy. Don't settle, but small compromises with yourself are okay, but not at the expense of your joy.

Work on you, and the companion or series of companions that appreciate you will come along.

You've done well with a fiscal bank. Now to start investing in your personal/emotional bank.

AquaticJoe · 2021-07-27T17:58:58+00:00

Take your current situation and flip it to a positive. Not everyone is going to have a wild 20's and you may be better for it. Take a week or two to decompress, go on a weekend getaway where you can get out of your comfort zone and enjoy things outside of your norm that will change your current relationship with money.

Lower your savings amount and instead budget for fun activities. . Also, take time audit yourself and make note of areas you want to improve and seek resources to improve them (watch YT Vids, ask family, Guys at a bar etc) it may take time but based on your desires for a healthy social life it seems your obsessions with saving was what held you back. Good Luck!

Marce_k0 · 2021-07-27T18:02:17+00:00

The Power of Now, look for that book, it can change your life

SenorTonto · 2021-07-27T18:23:53+00:00

Take some of that money and go travel for a year solo. Even with covid going on some countries in Latin America are more or less open. Stay in hostels so you'll be forced to interact with people.

I-guess-so-sure-ok · 2021-07-27T19:17:20+00:00

I’m a woman and I wish I’d done what you did. You have not failed whatsoever!

TheRealSkippah · 2021-07-27T19:22:03+00:00

I am in a similar situation. Focused on wealth before the family situation loosing out on many social ques along the way. Most of my friends are married with kids, I am 39 but fortunately I have found something to focus on. Find a hobby that you enjoy and try meet people from there. Don't focus on metering your soul mate. Work from there building hobbies / expierences.

Western-Bite1759 · 2021-07-27T19:34:19+00:00

Well you sure seem financially stable so you can focus pretty much entirely on your social life. Try learning a new skill or hobby. A new sport or something. Make some good friends and they will then give you access to their social circle. Go on from there. Don't focus on women too much for now since you need to build a healthy social life first.

ioatabuilder · 2021-07-27T20:08:23+00:00

There is no such thing as experienced or inexperienced when it comes to socialising. It is a primitive instinct of any human being. Just need to put yourself out there. And I think you are at the right path with your finances mostly sorted out. Just enjoy the process.

StarsnDiamonds · 2021-07-27T20:18:58+00:00

Its amazing that you identified this pattern inside yourself. The need to save and not spend, not risk losing the hard earned money you've earned.

So what is the path before you? You need to take risks. You need to lose money. You need to invest in things that may or may not help you. Invest in travels, coaches, and enjoyment. Invest in yourself. It's like putting money in a business. Its gone. And the only person responsible for utilizing it is you. And you can make that 200k into 2 million, if you invest in yourself in the right ways. But you will also invest in the wrong ways as well. But that's the process.

And I know how scary and against spending money you can be. But this is what you have to do. You have to allow yourself to let go of that limiting belief, and do what's best for yourself: coaches, courses, massages, therapy, books, travels, hobbies, renovating and furnishing your house, stuff that will LIFT YOU UP! Stuff that YOU"VE WANTED to do, but have been putting off.

Good luck :)

blizzardboy · 2021-07-27T21:02:33+00:00

By the way all this is not that uncommon in the internet age. You want to loosen up around other people it’s not that important

nigelmuk · 2021-07-27T21:12:08+00:00

It’s never too late and you’re still young actually. Just get in the game and your added advantage is that you’re financially well

ActuallyFactuallyme · 2021-07-27T21:25:58+00:00

Time to enjoy your life. I was exactly like this until covid hit and I realized if I die tomorrow my family probably won’t even know of all my accounts. Time to live. You worked hard now play even harder! Duh

fIickthebean · 2021-07-27T21:44:10+00:00

Your fine, you are only going to increase in value in terms of wealth and desire. Don't focus too much on it or beat yourself up over it. Just get out there talk to people have fun, but be smart don't fuck your life up chasing some chick who ain't worth it.

--Turd--Ferguson-- · 2021-07-27T21:44:30+00:00

Bro spend that money. Get u a nice car, take a girl on a date, if things go well for you then you can both go on a trip together and you can start experiencing life!

Obviously car is optional but chicks like nice cars. It’s science.

DudeWithHoodie · 2021-07-27T21:49:46+00:00

I've got nothing to add to this discussion other than please don't spend all those savings trying to transform yourself. I wish I was as resonsible as you were when I was younger but alas, I'm 29 and just now starting to get into saving my dough, all I think about is how much I'll have to work in order to get ready for retirement and here you are almost the same age as me without that huge burden on your shoulders. Good job on being smart enough to save, the social life shit will come naturally if you focus on consistent improvement and don't bullshit yourself.

Anyways please please please keep doing what you're doing with your money and don't waste it all trying to transform yourself or impress women. Really I don't think I need to tell you this since you're obviously better with finance then me, but I just had to say it cause I'd hate to hear you blew it all trying to become someone different. Peace bro

2021-07-27T22:39:33+00:00

Try to look forward brother. You have an opportunity to start economically well off in terms of being high value. I think you just need to develop a personality by trying new hobbies and interests.

socozyinhere · 2021-07-27T23:44:19+00:00

I have the same problem although I wasn't as fastidious about saving as you. I built a career, did the right thing according to parents and societies expectations. Now I'm fairly well set financiallly but I've always struggled to connnect with a woman and find love. I did some work on the advertising part of myself, trying to be more confident and less insecure, more decisive and less passive, when talking to women. Insecurity when talking to women is a big turn off, and often stems from attachment to outcome. Women will judge you based on your behaviour in social situations, because that's all the information they have to work with. They can't see your bank account, and too be honest you don't want them to. They can't see your character traits that led you save that much money. To get them to see who you are as an individual you have to advertise and draw attention to yourself by playing the 'superficial' game at the start.

Work out, go to the gym and lift.
Talk to anyone to improve social skills
Diversify interests. Get into different hobbies, art, literature, movies and become and interesting person.
Work on fashion and clothing. Attention to detail in dress is a reflection of who you are on the inside.

Being a 'one track' person who is exceptional at saving money, or exceptional at only one thing, is very boring. Most women don't care about money after a point. They only care that you have enough for a roof over your head. Therefore, accumulating astronomical amounts of wealth is going to give you diminishing returns with respect to attracting women. What they care about once the financial situation is good enough is how you make them feel.

MoStuntin · 2021-07-28T00:23:05+00:00

How do I save I spent all my work money on weed and I can’t save I’m in so much debt

SIR_SKINNYPENIS69 · 2021-07-28T00:42:49+00:00

You start at the start and bumble your way to some semblance of your first success and take it from there. It's not gonna happen overnight. Whenever you fuck up or do something embarrassing learn to just laugh at yourself. Works for me.

Economy-Plane-5260 · 2021-07-28T00:55:16+00:00

I think you should write a book or blog or vlog about your experiences. There is ample amounts of experiences there, study on investments, financial markets, stocks and shares, Bitcoin, property market, startups,

Wookieman222 · 2021-07-28T00:58:02+00:00

Dude your only 28 still. You have retirement squared away and enough just buy a home. Your financial stable enough to just do 2hat ever the fudge you want now. Your in better shape than 90% of people.

You can now do ALL those things without the need to stress about money. So set those as your goals now.

You have good assets that make you appealing to any woman, no2 you just need to work on finding out what you like to do and what your self is.

ContributionDapper84 · 2021-07-28T02:13:40+00:00

Join Meetup, try everything that you might possibly like, slowly crack habits by spending on things without actually ruining your financial position.

Themo77 · 2021-07-28T02:17:35+00:00

Pretend. That’s it. Pretend you are confident mac daddy to the ladies. Eventually, it’ll become second nature. Peace

Slow-Association6105 · 2021-07-28T02:55:54+00:00

I’m the opposite. I don’t save enough money because I’m blowing it on bitches and going clubbing.

insane_lover108 · 2021-07-28T03:05:59+00:00

stay positive bruh … you’re better off than most dudes that chased pussy instead of success . Just be careful with women tho, some women are gold diggers and will just like you for your money and pretend to love you … just be wary of that

ronsoness · 2021-07-28T03:17:54+00:00

I'd have to say that this is a good point of reflection for you. What good is all the money in the world, if you have no memories, photos, friends to show for it? I think you can definitely do both. Just start acknowledging that in order to socialize, date, make friends, you will need to spend some of your hard earned and saved money OR create a monthly expense account that you can use for expenses related specifically to socializing (this would include membership fees, hygiene, uber fares, books, the cost of going out for drinks/food with people). I thought of it as a necessary expense or investment in becoming the man I want to be when I was a 18 year old socially awkward dude with 0 friends. It was worth it though and every time I have an amazing night out, I have a great date, or just a good conversation with a stranger, I know I made the right investment.

The best time to start is today, esp with COVID restrictions being lifted and people desperate for socializing and relationships. But you won't have immediate success... social and hobby things are grown slowly. All I can say is when it rains, it pours, so definitely put yourself in a situation to succeed and grow your network. Meetups consistently, move to a apartment complex with community events, volunteering, sports leagues, hobby classes, visiting the same bar frequently, and then there's the personal development of learning social skills on your own, developing charisma, and practicing conversations. Look up Charisma on Command on Youtube for a great channel to give you tips you can ingrain into your head.

Sourgirl2021 · 2021-07-28T03:42:39+00:00

Come to Minnesota, I’ll show you how to have fun with no money. If you enjoy yourself and feel comfortable spending a little money, we can road trip to the Grand Canyon, the red woods, big sur and yellow stone. After that we’d be friends for life. I’d pitch in what I could but my kids’ dad bailed so all my money goes into them but I’m overdue for some me time. Can’t say wether or not I’d do ya, that’s circumstantial lol. Overall tho, I’d say we could kill at a least birds with one stone and I hide away from ppl too, so I get it. Either way good luck to you, don’t let an overly emotional world dull that overly logical brain of yours… there’s nothing wrong with you.

StinkyCoach · 2021-07-28T03:43:59+00:00

Read The Book of Pook

Jenenga · 2021-07-28T03:52:47+00:00

Everyone wastes their 20s. Don't worry! You have the rest of your life to flirt.

evaneli13 · 2021-07-28T04:38:34+00:00

You can use the money to get girls for hookups but those are not the type of girls you want to be in a relationship with.

Of course you should not throw your hard earned money on them but if you want a romantic experience quick, the money can help. Just don't be a simp about it.

I am just trying to help you out for short term.

Honeycombhome · 2021-07-28T05:12:53+00:00

Join a D&D group and role play your way into that girls life. Works like a charm for tons of socially awkward guys.

MisterShogunate · 2021-07-28T05:36:14+00:00

28 years old with 200k in INVESTED net worth. Are you serious?

2021-07-28T05:46:48+00:00

Sex is like everything in life, hyped up online and boring as shit in real life.

edjg10 · 2021-07-28T06:10:19+00:00

A therapist. I’d recommend seeing a therapist. Your primary care doctor can recommend one but you might be better off searching online for one locally

Southernz · 2021-07-28T06:51:42+00:00

You still have time. Just open yourself up some

Ksawery735 · 2021-07-28T08:14:55+00:00

Are you that TLC type of saving money guy?

Shadow__Account · 2021-07-28T08:44:31+00:00

I had a similar situation don’t worry about it, it is what it is and relatively you are still very young and have plenty of time so just accept your situation and start building up

cava99 · 2021-07-28T09:12:29+00:00

Start with losing the "wasted" attitude. That's your experience, that's your process, get familiar with it instead of being a victim of it, the good, the bad, the ugly. All of it.

The same applies for sleeping. That's a difficult kind of thing to waste and people have differing needs, you might be one of those, test and calibrate.

Boredom, however, is a sign that you're not doing something when you could be doing something, you're not getting somewhere, you're wasting time when bored. Boredom is your body telling at you to do something.

The greatest threat to you at this point is probably overcompensating, or becoming entrenched in your habits, the latter is kinda easy since you recognise your position. The former is not, precisely because you do.

First, you should prepare yourself, and I mean yourself, you, psychologically and physically, including then your property. Do you have a good body? A decent car? Do you have everything you need in a decent (read: useful) kitchen? You don't have to spend over "experiences", you can do most of these by yourself or with a friend or a date if you have the tools, mental and physical. That's hopefully good news. What you can't/shouldn't attempt that way is the stuff usually considered extreme. It might be too early for those, so yay you!

Take a minor, calculated risk. You can save, I think it means you can definitely budget. How much can you afford to basically burn away without becoming less than you currently are/have? Burning away is the worst case scenario, but you don't actually have to, which is kinda surprising. This is significant because risk, by definition, might cost you what you currently are/have, but also what you COULD be/have, and you never want to fall below a certain level, you don't want to risk a stunt they could break your neck and make you a vegetable, or an investment that leaves you Broke or in debt, but you should be fine getting some cuts and bruises, as well as losing a few bucks. But CALIBRATE/BUDGET!

I think this is the basic frame, hopefully others can expand on it.

vermaelen · 2021-07-28T09:41:44+00:00

Start doing the things you aren't doing, lift some weights, eat healthier, start making random interaction with strangers - begin small and work your way up.

Men's sexual value peaks around mid thirties so you have plenty of time to fix yourself up.

Settowin · 2021-07-28T10:01:34+00:00

You didn't waste anything. It's all in your head. I think you comparing yourself with others to much. You are doing the right thing. I'm like you in a way. I sabes my whole life and invested, the diference is, I had women. I'm actually 31 and single, and let me tell you, i don't give a fuck about women no morem I know exactly what I want in life, I can do what I want, when I want, and where I want. I don't even need to work. These freedom has no price. How many people would give a kidney to live like this? I'm not looking for any girl, because I know I'm already complete, I'm superior to most people, it might sound arrogant but it's the true. Sometimes I sit outside looking at everyone that walks by and listen to people talk, and that's enough for me to remember that I'm the one! You need to love yourself more. The top will get lonely, for sure, but don't forget, where you are, at the fucking top! You the man, you don't need no one. I would recommend you start travelling. Start getting to know other cultures, other people. You will learn a lot. Travel twice a year, you will look forward to it, you will enjoy it, you will learn and grow stronger. Move you ass. You doing it right.

2021-07-28T10:26:15+00:00

I was going to suggest a contiki tour but untrue if you can. You could still go back packing possibly. You’re a young man, get out a bit. If you have one or two buddies go into the city and look around at night maybe

Jchen192 · 2021-07-28T11:09:53+00:00

Uh take a big vac. Go out there and really live. Either a road trip or go do something you really wanted to do. Live it up

rapturecity113 · 2021-07-28T12:01:31+00:00

U didn't fail, bro. Life only allocated 24 hours in a day and you spent it focusing on your future. Now that the future is here, its time to enjoy yourself. If you want to meet people, you have to go where people are. I suggest go to a bar on a friday night or a busy coffee shop during the day. Look up local group activities on eventbrite or drop in a group art class or a group gym class. & when you do these things, don't worry about how u look or how u think you present yourself to other people, instead focus on ingratiating with other people. You might have to deal with a little social anxiety since u been out of the game for a while but it'll subside. U haven't failed brah, you just need a little direction where to go next is all

Jimbobbly123 · 2021-07-28T12:10:14+00:00

Don't ever view your position as wasted, foolish or wrong. Sure, you may be unhappy. This is infamously very common among rich people, they gave it all to get it all.

But hold your head up high!

Despite rumours, money isn't everything but it unlocks almost anything. You could pay for some of the best nights out, pay premiums when it comes to online dating, take time off work to focus on yourself. If you need a home, travel, or hobby that is coincidentally pricey, you can do it.

It starts now. Experience > all the self help books in the world. Tonight could be as simple as going to a bar, ordering a drink, enjoying it, and leaving. Next time, have two. Next time, ask someone the time, ask if they are enjoying the night, and leave. Slow and steady.

You may be envious of myself who has a strong relationship and have things I love to do, but in my view I don't want to go to work for the next eight hours.... Pros and cons to each position, but you have the ability to have what you need if you are willing to go out your comfort zone.

AnonymousEngineer21 · 2021-07-28T12:37:18+00:00

i feel similar to this and im scared ill end up being one of those digusting 50 year old dudes that go for the 18 year old girls

Imwaymoreflythanyou · 2021-07-28T13:13:36+00:00

I mean the fact you’re so good financially is in itself a major turn on for women, you’ve done the hard part essentially.

Thebigheadedfatboy · 2021-07-28T13:35:07+00:00

Ok , so you’re in your 30’s and never been kissed. I have seen this movie before. Ok so you’re socially awkward to some extent no biggie. Chances are there is a dating app that can help. If that ain’t your thing. Try talking to women at places you feel comfortable. Try work , library, grocery store, bar or anywhere you feel comfortable. Get a wingman , a best bud , a bro or grenade jumper. Someone that help break the ice in situations. Before I got married I was the grenade jumper for my friends. It’s usually nice having an outgoing friend who loves talking to people. Chances are if you look in the places you feel comfortable there is a female that actually probably finds you attractive.

EU-Howdie · 2021-07-28T13:39:16+00:00

Forget the past, look at NOW and the kind of future what could come ...

So, M, 28, little (earning) job but a nice amount of savings. To your age, for a man here start his best age, for dating and finding women, relation, spouse. You couls spend your money for a very important basic subject, own a house. In a way you can live free or with a very little loan. With rising rents all over he world it would be a wonderfull extra, certainly with a little income, when you do not have to pay rent, never, or only a little loan. My experience as a man almost 70, had good jobs and very bad jobs, and times without a job, owning my house saved me. Owning a house,nothing makes so much easier your life then own your house, and when the house is paid or almost being paid.

Women, 90% women going to their thirties, and ofcourse above, want a serious and long time telation. A good life together. Eventually having children. This exciting maybe exotic badboy is something for young girls, now, at going 30, they look for a very other kind of man. A serious responsible man.

So, do not look back, maybe you did miss something. Sad, but you cannot change your passed. But the positive side of your passed is, now, at 28, so still really very young, you have aan amount to make a very good (new)start in life. And in the age that is coming now 28 - 30 up to ??? these savins but certinly too that you managed to save money tells about your responsible and serious character. So, good luck, I forsee a bright and happy future for you and the people who you decide to take care off.

Too, now you know about work, life and everything you maybe see something is really missing in your education, training or skills. Good is when you now that, you are able (have the money) to do something about that. Like (just fantasising) a drivers license for truck, a training for working and installing home-aircondition, a computerourse etc. Again ... good luck.

kubistonek · 2021-07-28T13:51:34+00:00

Holy fuck 30k in a year? I made 30k in a summer job

2021-07-28T13:57:43+00:00

You hustle for that 200k

WhiteTigerYang · 2021-07-28T14:02:51+00:00

You sound like you started off great. Focus on helping people and making the world a better place. You’ll find a woman/ women worth dating doing things like that. If you’re just looking for women to screw, that’s easy, you flash some cash and presto, you’re broke or depressed in 10 years.

Fearless-Physics · 2021-07-28T14:29:20+00:00

Use the goods that your decisions have brought you to your advantage. You cannot rewind time, but you can use that money in a good way - to make life easier on yourself. Maybe you could try to buy a house for yourself. This would make your entire life from that point and on easier due to the fact that you wouldn't have to pay rent and live from paycheck to paycheck. You should definitely use some of your spare time to try and get to know people (small steps, first just go out and try to become comfortable with being amongst people), try and increase your confidence in yourself regarding many topics, including "dating". Things will follow their course naturally, just: Now that you are aware of the issue, do something to help yourself!

Honestly I can so much relate to this and I hope that this will not be me in 4 years. I am the saving-but-not-spending kind of person too, in a way... I do like to spend, but the idea of saving up just feels... right to me. Even if I don't spend it. But I also ask myself what's the point and purpose of all of this if I can't even get to enjoy anything, both of the money and of my own free time?

I'm currently 24 working part-time and making 15k € a year with this job. But it takes up a significant amount of my time. I've failed to successfully get a degree so far mainly due to my insecurities about what to do in life, and here I am now. I have been pretty much raised to seek financial stability (in other words, parents always told me that without a high paying job in my life I'd basically end up nowhere, fail in life, and shit like that. My mind has been twisted from that early on.) And so, I'm wandering around looking to find a path in life until this moment. I now want to study computer science because I think it'd be useful for me in life since many jobs in IT can be done remotely and they usually pay well and normally don't break your body (like carrying heavy shit does, at my current workplace and thousands of other jobs and trades). I am now 24 and haven't lived my life so far. Haven't experienced things so far. The fairy tales of my parents about their early years in university and getting to know people and going out and having a young student's life..... I know times have changed, but I want that. As much as possible at least. The company I'm working at is a huge one and I could potentially rise upp to a higher position over the years, especially with a degree. I'm telling you all of this to let you know that I, too, struggle with deciding that to do right now. I'd prefer to quit this job and focus on studies and have a nice life, have friends, have fun, enjoy life, find a girlfriend... be in a loving relationship. Be. Happy. And fulfilled. That is all I want.

But... the pay is good, and I've always been the practical saving kind of guy. Like seriously, even in video games I always save up the best items and strongest consumables "for a good moment when I need it" or for the final boss and then still never end up using them.

So I'm torn up between these choices and decisions and for the love of god, don't know what to do. And I also don't know what I'd have to do in order to get where I want to be, in order to get happy. My extreme overthinking doesn't help. Like "I'm not in the age of someone who just began studying anymore, what if I found a girl but wouldn't have the money to take her out? So maybe I shouldn't quit my job. But I'd have little to no time at all for anything if I did both... aaaargh....." so many questions and a neverending maze of confusion.

bigbootynopussy · 2021-07-28T15:29:11+00:00

So you wanna have ur hoe phase? What’s your personality like? As long ur not a rude asshole, it shouldnt be hard. Try being funny and be yourself unapologetically. That’ll attract the right people for you

shathecomedian · 2021-07-28T15:30:34+00:00

Wow I can relate to this post so much. I didn’t really invest just more or less saving, however I’ve had fairly good success with women as well. I feel I did miss out on regular social activities however (parties, etc.) I just wasn’t the type to spend money on a date or a girl I was interested in.

I guess my advice for you as well as others is that it’s never too late, there’s an abundance of info here and the rest of the internet. You’re really in a prime spot, everything from here on out can only go up. Good luck my guy

bikefiftyeuro · 2021-07-28T16:01:53+00:00

Can you give me some tips on investing and saving haha :)

Nah but also just start from now - no regrets! You are still quite young and you can go on to do all of these things you want to. Start going to social events out of your comfort zone, socialising with people from work, join a sports club/gym and go to classes. :)

Swimming_Fortune · 2021-07-29T00:20:27+00:00

Definitely start approaching women. Look up Mike Mehlman and read his stuff and join his WhatsApp approach group. He didn't start approaching women or have any experiences until age 25-26 at least, now he's in his 30s and is basically an expert on it, getting laid constantly all just from cold approach. You'll have to fight through a lot of anxiety and doubts when you do this, but it will be well worth the effort. 28 is still super young.

Atrain1850 · 2021-07-29T00:55:59+00:00

I was the same man, didn't save/gain as much money as you though unfortunately haha. But what I did and still do is started to watch positive and educational YouTube videos everyday. Examples: Jordan Peterson videos, Motivational videos, Ted Talks, etc. And then to get better with women I watched youtube videos everyday of infield (pickup), game theory, building connections with people etc. Some examples of these include: Todd V, Taysocial, Coach Kyle, MJ Get Right and StephisCold. If you watch this stuff enough you will subconsciously start to believe it and that alone will help you a lot!

Exciting_Champion · 2021-08-01T12:58:20+00:00

First of before you do anything else you need to learn to accept and to love yourself. Also you can forgive yourself for what you did in the past. You did the best you can in this moment, even if you dont believe that now.

Honestly your post is so full of self hate. Loving and accepting yourself is nothing that happens from one day to another. It is a process which can take years sometimes, but the first results will show up after a few months. My recommendations is that you start reading books from Byron Katie and doing "the work from byron katie".

FerrexInc · 2021-08-03T08:57:13+00:00

I know of a certain Nigerian prince who will gladly take that money and let you have a normal life

SuckOnMyCybercock · 2021-08-03T13:09:58+00:00

Dude take two months off and go to Thailand. Visit r/solotravel. I loved south east Asia when I visited. Hella cheap just staying in hostels and meeting other people.

Ok_Distance8124 · 2021-08-03T22:25:22+00:00

yardapesbb · 2021-08-04T14:39:17+00:00

I can only offer that the older you get you run into fewer women that want to play games.

Gloomyglow123 · 2021-08-06T02:03:27+00:00

Since you are independent and apparently got your shit together you could find a nice woman to be with you, some guys your age are just starting to take finances seriously and honestly thats a huge turn off because by now we are thinking about marrying, get a house, have kids after 30 so most girls around your age don’t wanna date irresponsible guys, you only need to work on your social skills, start as friends, is the safest way, be nice, stay relaxed and with some practice the awkwardness and nervousness will go away. Rejection will happen but don’t let that put you down. Ask girls for coffee, a movie or whatever, don’t keep the online chat for too long, and don’t rush the romance, most relationships start by meeting someone, hang out and get along very well anyways, is there something you find interesting? Something you never tried? find new hobbies or activities to do, what about your colleagues, have you ever tried to get to know them better, maybe join them on some activities they do like go to the same gym, to a party, sports, hang out after work, thats how my brother in law got his first gf, you are in the best years of your life, I wish you the best

6trybe · 2021-08-08T04:41:57+00:00

No, My friend. You've wasted -nothing-. You've incidentally prepared yourself to get what you want in life with less struggle. You didn't date before, but now... you can. So do it. You've never kissed a girl... do it. (Make sure she's willing). You have all the time in the world, and more resources than most to make your life exactly what you want it to be.

bringthepuppiestome · 2021-08-11T08:22:47+00:00

This is a super niche skill set you have, but so highly desired by most! To be able to save money and reduce costs! You should reach out to local debt organisations and see if there’s some way you can help either voluntary or career change. You will be meeting TONNES of people both single and families as well as colleagues, helping people, and you’ll be able to build this saving habit into a healthy helpful skill

Steffaniii · 2021-08-12T00:03:27+00:00

Are you in the US?

DiangeloBet · 2021-08-13T02:57:20+00:00

me of two years ago relate heavy lol. I still save a lot I just get a dopamine rush each time my bank account hits certain numbers.

I started spending more now. I'm turning 24 in a month. don't worry its never too late. your life starts now.

GYB280 · 2021-08-13T12:14:01+00:00

Step 1 : Go to a casino Step 2 : Approach the roulette table Step 3 : 200K on red

YOLO they say.

Kidding please don't, just remember that the repercussions of your actions are never as bad as what you imagine them to be in your head.

Ask youself, "When I'll be 89 on my death bed and I remember this thing I did, how will it have impacted my life? Is it a good / crazy story I can tell my grand-kids or friends at the home? Will I even remember it? Did it screw up my life?" If the answer is a good story and it hasn't changed much more for future you, than 100% do it. The good thing about doing something crazy is that you get to relive the fun for the rest of your life and that is generally the part that is undervalued by people. Future you is the person who dealed with all your decision, refer to him as much as possible.

This being said, if you do in fact do the casino thing, please film and post it on here.

quotemep · 2021-08-19T07:15:41+00:00

You need to find some balance my lord lol. Memories are a worthwhile investment, while not too often. You're still young, but don't think you're invincible either. Invest in yourself, live life, and make some goddam memories. Travel alone, because sometimes it might just be the place that you're rooted to that is keeping you "shackled".

No-Ad9854 · 2021-08-21T01:31:42+00:00

Believe you me I took MORE THAN ENOUGH PHSYICAL RISKS FOR THE BOTH OF US AND WAS I GUESS YOU CAN SAY SCARED OF GIRLS MORE LIKE I WAS SCARED OF THE RESPONSE I'D END UP MOST LIKELY GETTING BACK SUCH AS "EWW NO I'M NOT GOING OUT WITH YOU" THAT OR WHAT A FRIEND OF HERS MIGHT SAY/THINK SINCE I WAS IN SOMEWHAT OF THE SAME BOAT AS YOU EXCEPT I WAS THE "SMARTISH ONE" THAT I FELT I WAS SMARTER THAN THE "DRUGGIES" AS I CONSIDERED THEM TO BE AND SURE ENOUGH THOSE SAME SAID DRUGGIES ARE DOING BETTER IN LIFE THAN I AM THEY HAVE G/FS OR WIVES EVEN AS WELL AS THEIR DRIVERS LICENSES (I WAS A BIT INFATUATED WITH CARS/ENGINES ALWAYS BUSTING MY ASS TO TRY AND EARN ENOUGH TO BUY A CAR WITH A DECENT SIZE/QUALITY ENGINE AND SURE ENOUGH I WAS A JACKASS AND SNUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE TO GO FOR A RIDE WITH A PERSON I HAD CONSIDERED A "FRIEND" AT THE TIME AND WE ENDED UP GETTING IN TO A DRAG RACE ON DECATEUR STREET IN PHILADELPHIA, AFTER GOING TO AN OLD ABANDONED MENTAL HOSPITAL FOR KICKS WHICH DIDN'T WORK OUT SO WELL FOR ME THE CAR CRASHED FLIPPED CORNER TO CORNER AND ENDED UP RESTING ON A LONG TIME FROZEN EMBANKMENT OF THE NORTH EAST PHILADELPHIA AIRPORT I'M NOT 100 PERCENT SURE IF WE WERE HEADED HOME OR NOT..SINCE I DON'T/CAN'T NOR DO I WANT TO REMEMBER ANYTHING FROM THAT NIGHT.. WHICH IS SOMETHING THE BRAIN NATURALLY DOES AFTER A TRAUMA..BLOCKS OUT ANY MEMORY OF THE EVENT OR ELSE I'D HAVE GONE INSANE NOT THAT I'M NOT ALREADY THERE..6 SKULL FRACTURES 2 HEMATOMEAS AND A TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY LATER HERE I AM.PS FOR THE FLIRTING ADVICE..JUST BE YOURSELF/FUNNY.. WHICH IS HOW I LANDED THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL YOU'VE MOST LIKELY EVER SEEN I WAS JUST BEING FUNNY..UNINTENTIONALLY AS IT MAY HAVE BEEN..WE WERE AT A TECH SCHOOL SHE WAS SMOKING A CIGARETTE WHEN A TEACHER CAUGHT US TEACHER SAID YOU KNOW THAT CAUSES CANCER AND I PIPED UP WITH "NOT IN GERMANY IT DOSENT" SAID GIRL WAS A GERMAN FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT WHO FLEW BACK TO THE U.S. AFTER HER EXCHANGE TIME WAS UP FOR ROUGHLY 2 WEEKS TO SEE ME..I MADE SUCH AN IMPRESSION ON HER 😉🙂😂🤣👍👍..!! Not yelling at anybody or anything like that..the emojis/emoticons are just my facial expressions is ALL I have lots of facial expressions that is and now said girl is married to some guy but above happened 16 years ago when I was 17/17.5 years old 😖😠ERRGH GAD I MISS HER I was originally given LESS THAN 1 FRIGGIN' PERCENT CHANCE TO SURVIVE MY INJURIES AT THE INITAL(FIRST) HOSPITAL I WAS IN THEN AFTER A FEW MONTHS OF REHABILITATION AT ANOTHER HOSPITAL I WAS IN I'M HERE AND NO I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE THAT DROOLS ON THEMSELVES GAAAD I HATE THAT STERIOTYPE (SP?) 😖😠👎👎🤦‍♂️ERRGH👎👎..!!

Flexlifespower00 · 2021-08-25T02:31:33+00:00

You're the smart one. You have the resources now to do whatever you want. Women and social activities are always gonna be there. If you feel like you need to live some then just go do it. Nothing is stopping you but you. Go have fun!!! 🙏

sandmann12 · 2021-08-25T20:27:59+00:00

Friends and self confidece, then try for girls.

Easy paths are hobbies, roommates and volunteering.

Normal_Law4591 · 2021-08-26T00:42:20+00:00

Just get out and date and don't spend too much on dates/women period, find one that is financially equal and willing to sign a prenup if she turns out to be the one, but that is a conversation for much later.

Unicorndouche · 2021-08-26T07:36:00+00:00

"He who hesitates, masturbates." Start by saying hi to 5 women a day. Then compliment 5 a day. Then strike up a conversation with 5 a day. Then try to get one phone number a week. Start there and see how it works. You'll lose your v-card in no time.

LocalGNVillian · 2021-08-26T19:25:02+00:00

Sounds like you are good with money and investing. So one don't be with a woman that ask you about your job or how much money you have or make. One it is none of their business and two you don't want a gold digger emptying your bank account. Really their is no time limit or age when we are supposed to be dating or get married. Everyone wants to put this expectation on when we are supposed to do these things and it is just not true at all. But I digress and I am getting side tracked.

Keep dating. The best thing you can do is get out there and be more social with women. You need to get comfortable with the hearing no. You read a lot on here and listen to others about the guy that got dumped or told no and they called the person a bitch or a slut. Just because you got rejected is not the end of the world. No ok move on. Nice thing about dating in your 30s I feel people are more mature because they have been through some things. But you always have the one that doesn't have their shit together.

Another thing. Don't get caught up looking for dates on dating sites or dating apps. Your best bet would be finding some social events or bar and getting to know someone face to face.

italreadyhappened2 · 2022-03-29T16:38:00+00:00

What investments have you to reach that, and in what time period?

Zangief89 · 2022-05-03T17:03:19+00:00

Checkout a game on Amazon called Chickenshit. Go out with a buddy and play that game until you inevitably get laid and then repeat

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