Would you be comfortable dating a woman significantly smarter than you?

TheDerInDisorder · 2024-04-30T08:26:20+00:00

Seems rather unavoidable to be honest.

Remote_Panic_3271 · 2024-04-30T06:18:07+00:00

Yeah

Fan_Service_3703 · 2024-04-30T07:47:23+00:00

Yes. Both general knowledge and competence are huge turn ons for me.

Common-Ferret-1435 · 2024-04-30T05:54:56+00:00

Sure. I’ve dated several women with PhDs. I didn’t graduate college.

They tend to be quite clueless in relationship dynamics. Your book knowledge of physics is great, but hardly germane to relationships.

Like most nerds, they haven’t had much experience. Book smarts don’t translate to relationship or street smarts.

So no, there’s nothing uncomfortable or intimidating about it.

wtknight · 2024-04-30T12:16:38+00:00

I consider myself pretty smart. If she is significantly smarter than me then I’d consider it a challenge and a lot of fun. So yeah, I’d definitely do it.

MotleyCrew1989 · 2024-04-30T08:25:23+00:00

Smart, no problem, but a smart that acts smartass is a problem.

DarayRaven · 2024-04-30T10:05:10+00:00

Define "smarter" because l've dated highly educated women with doctrines and PHDs yet many of them can't think critically and are as dumb as a neanderthal

Sir_Spectacular · 2024-04-30T08:22:38+00:00

It depends on her personality. I went to grad school for a nerdy STEM subject, so I've had a chance to get to know a lot of smart/gifted people and they come in different flavors, some of which I get along with splendidly and others who are barely tolerable garbage-people I avoid like the plague.

For example, if this hypothetical genus lady is a card carrying MENSA member who can't go ten minutes without bragging about her giftedness, sees herself as completely infallible because of her educational credentials, is unable to admit mistakes when she makes them, and feels she is inherently superior to me because she scored twenty points higher on her IQ test than me, she can go pound sand. Someone that far gone isn't fixable.

If, however, she's a cool person without an attitude who is easy to get along with and is basically just a normal person who happens to have a longer than average list of degrees printed on her business card, a lot of deep and obscure interests, the ability to reason and recall information reliably and accurately, that's all awesome, and scores her points in my book.

That said, when looking for a potential partner, I care more about a lady's looks and personality than her mental abilities. Intelligence earns a lady points in my internal "dateability score," but not that many points. I'd rather date a girl who is below average in intelligence, but above average in affection and kindness, than the inverse.

ExternalBarracuda292 · 2024-04-30T15:08:02+00:00

I've been trying to find a way to word this post that doesn't sound insufferably arrogant but I don't think it can be done, so I'm just going to keep it short. No, but I've also never met anyone I'd put in that category. Big gaps in intelligence are very bad for a relationship because it will typically lead to people having almost no common interests and nothing to talk about. It's also really bad if they argue, since obviously the more intelligent person would virtually always be right, but the less intelligent person would probably struggle to understand their reasoning. It's just a recipe for trouble all around.

Note that this requires a significant gap, to the extent that the more intelligent person has superior knowledge in almost every area and can also learn new things much faster than the less intelligent partner. For people of comparable intelligence, it will likely be the case that they each have certain areas where they specialize and have the edge over the other, which is ideal, that creates a favourable situation where they can each learn from each other.

AntonioSLodico · 2024-04-30T11:11:40+00:00

Dating casually? Definitely, I find brilliant women incredibly sexy. Dating seriously? Possibly, but there is often a significant hurdle that comes with a significant intelligence gap between partners. That's especially true if it's an all around gap, and not limited to one or two types of intelligence.

Particularly bright folks often have different ways of seeing, processing, and interacting with the world*. When interacting with normal people, they often have to choose between "masking" and creating awkward tension. Either causes a strain on an emotional bond. Bridging those gaps takes a lot of self awareness, patience, and empathy on both ends, and it is like that throughout the relationship. There is a degree of discomfort there.

I would have to be comfortable with any discomfort around that dynamic, including being comfortable with any discomfort my partner might have with the dynamic. I'm fine being comfortable with being uncomfortable about my own feelings, less so when it comes to my partners feelings.

*Comfort with understanding paradoxes and ambiguities, asking deceptively deep questions, and talking in ways that require significant referential or inferential infill, all done unintentionally, are three examples that come to mind.

Tobor_Xes240 · 2024-04-30T13:19:37+00:00

Love me a good gender-swap prompt! Absolutely, because I like learning and am comfortable about admitting my ignorance.

Unfortunately I’m far closer to Billy Beta than Chad, so a relative paucity of intellect is chalked up as a weakness instead of an endearing quality. Halo effect is a thing.

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TheGreatBeefSupreme · 2024-04-30T09:52:15+00:00

My wife is smart. It doesn’t take much to be smarter than me, so she probably is.

ilContedeibreefinti · 2024-04-30T11:01:44+00:00

I prefer to.

CradleCity · 2024-04-30T13:25:57+00:00

The one woman I dated/had meet-ups with, years ago, was indeed smarter (and a few years older), and helped me to pass an university class I was having trouble with. In fact, I invited her by saying that, if I passed the exam (and I did), would she go out with me? She said yes, which gave me a a lil' extra boost of motivation. So, yeah, I am comfortable.

I was still aimless at the time, fresh out of uni, so, nothing came of it (she was beginning to establish her career, and, in hindsight, I probably didn't want to hold her back). But I'll always be grateful for the long talks we had. And a chocolate strawberry muffin we shared (that memory still gives me the warm fuzzies).

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-04-30T13:30:03+00:00

Would LOVE that. I've yet to find someone who even just matched me.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-04-30T13:35:17+00:00

Yes, they just never seemed to have much interest in LTRing a meathead like me.

abaxeron · 2024-04-30T13:38:33+00:00

I dated a woman with more catchy and accurate memory than mine, and it was hell. Every time I dared to forget literally anything, it was seen as an act of malice.

untamed-italian · 2024-04-30T13:52:08+00:00

Yeah. If she's a good woman in all other respects.

Intelligence is kind of irrelevant after a point, just wracking up the score. Someone can have the smartest brain in the room but if they are not honest or humble or compassionate or brave, their intelligence cannot make up for that.

Spread-Em-Plz · 2024-04-30T14:45:42+00:00

I’m an idiot; frankly if she’s dumber than I am then we’re both screwed so it’s probably better if she’s the smarter of us two

BoomTheBear86 · 2024-04-30T15:02:18+00:00

Not a problem at all in a vacuum. Like all traits (like humour, work ethic) it depends how she manifests it.

Intelligence in itself is great. Intelligence plus other negative traits tends to amplify those traits. I’m used to working in academic environments so I’m comfy with the idea but one thing I cannot stand is academic snobbery and that sort of thing. So any semblance of that, or attempts to “joust or dick measure” with it and I’d be out.

But teaching me things, explaining things and helping me discover things I may not know? Awesome. Info dump on me and tell me about your specialisms inside and out.

Intelligence combined with compassion is incredibly attractive to me. Intelligence combined with meanness or callousness is the exact opposite.

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2024-04-30T15:48:05+00:00

As long as she's not an asshole about it. Sure.

tacticaltossaway · 2024-04-30T18:21:05+00:00

Being able to follow complex instructions? That's a plus.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-04-30T19:46:36+00:00

I'm very intelligent and it's actually borderline a challenge to overcome. I have and would date very intelligent women but not ones who weren't able to shut it off. Intelligence is a nice to have trait in moderation. It's not a must have trait. Nor is it good in the extreme levels.

More than me or even up in my level... only if she can shut it off and ignore it

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2024-04-30T20:52:01+00:00

Absolutely. My exwife was smarter than me and so to were a couple of the women I've dated. I've also dated a women that can run faster than me. Given the fact that I was running 3 miles in under 17min for my PFT, that took more getting used to but I got over it.

LoveScoutCEO · 2024-04-30T21:42:28+00:00

I tend to be attracted to intelligent women.

KentuckyCriedFlickin · 2024-04-30T22:00:14+00:00

No, I don't want to come off as a singing gorilla.

Just for the record, I would not date someone significantly dumber than me either.

NockerJoe · 2024-04-30T23:19:33+00:00

One more for the "dating a woman with a PHD" crowd. I don't feel especially intimidated and technical knowledge doesn't often translate well to other fields. But most actually smart people realize this since one of the first things an actually smart person understands is they don't know everything.

The bigger issue is some people think going to college gives you some kind of extra social status and that doing a job that requires that degree somehow makes you better than other people.

MyUpSeemsDown · 2024-05-01T01:07:34+00:00

Ya, smart mommy me ooga bunga :)))

ExcelsiorState718 · 2024-05-01T01:57:57+00:00

Hmmm I've dated two women with higher IQs than me...142 and 139...the thing is they is they whete exceptionally good at certain things like one was great at math the other writing for example she could read a poem and interpret the meaning I was always astonished by that like you got all of that out of that poem..

From my perspective their intelligence didn't make a diffrence it's their looks that was the biggest factor they where very attractive abd when you haveva women like that she's never yours she belongs to the world,celebs and athletes would be in their DMs and guys where constantly hitting on them.

So yes I would be comfortable with a smart chick just not a really attractive one

Anti_Thing · 2024-05-01T04:31:13+00:00

Yes, I'd consider it a good thing, although I want someone who believes in traditional gender roles (at least to a certain extent), & ideally someone who's right-wing as well. A woman who's significantly smarter than me is unlikely to share these values (at least if she's born & raised in the West.)

Puzzleheaded_ghost · 2024-05-01T05:02:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AidsVictim · 2024-05-01T07:46:20+00:00

That would largely depend on her beliefs and ideology. I can mostly get by and ignore politics and such from average people, but to be "significantly" smarter than me comfortably puts them into genius territory where I wouldn't be able to respect or be around them if they for instance were just standard "daily show" type liberals. They don't need to agree with me necessarily, I just have to be able to respect them. Being a genius would definitely be a very "valuable" trait in terms of partnership if so.

just_a_place · 2024-05-01T15:17:20+00:00

That entirely depends on how would I come to find out that she is smarter.

Spyro7x3 · 2024-05-02T01:54:02+00:00

Never met one. My ex fiance did have a very sharp mind and wit, uncanny sometimes how much she knew but she wasn't as broadly knowledgeable as me. Thats what I tend to observe most intelligent women are specialists but not many are very broad in their interests.

She was constantly astonished when I knew things that "I didn't go to school for". Once she had a medical exam and mentioned cytolysis I think it was and when I went on to describe it unprompted she gave me this look of being stunned and almost angry "how did you know that!?!".

It was actually opposite of this question, if I knew something that had to do with medical she would get pissed since that was her main area of focus it would make her angry. The times we argued and she won she never ever let it go. I think overall she lacked education in deep philosophical topics that I had and historical events but sometimes it did kind of scare me how much she knew. I've never met a girl her age (23) with the sort of intelligence she had. I once worked for an older woman who was really wise which I found impressive she asked me questions and knew how I would answer about things that happened in my life like she had lived my life before.

DzejSiDi · 2024-05-02T08:32:44+00:00

I've never met a woman significantly smarter than me, so to meet one and then starting dating her would feel weird.

Overall likely I would be uncomfortable at first.

shadowrangerfs · 2024-05-04T13:44:24+00:00

Sure no problem. We'd have to be compatible in other ways though. But I certainly wouldn't reject a woman just because she's smarter than me. But she needs more than that. Her being smarter than me is neither a deal breaker or deal maker.

Most_Read_1330 · 2024-04-30T08:19:40+00:00

Sure I'd have no problem with that. I don't think the woman would be happy with that due to hypergamy.

purplish_possum · 2024-04-30T14:40:44+00:00

Love too -- but it's not likely to happen since I've scored 99th percentile on intelligence tests (thank you US Army for the ego boost). I've only met a few women who are (or were) perhaps a bit smarter than me. I had babies with two of them. Unfortunately both these women squandered their now atrophied intellect.

CraftyCooler · 2024-04-30T08:09:44+00:00

Nah - when women have even little success in fields dominated by men, they tend to brag about it and do dick measuring contests. The silliest thing is that they really believe that they were "working 3x harder and are 3x more competent' comparing to men being in the same position.

The really smart women that are really classy are now close to 80 - younger generations are parroting feminiazi hot takes even though their achievements are not as impressive as those of older ladies.

raldabos · 2024-04-30T07:11:51+00:00

Yes.

As usual, youre reflecting how women see men in dating. We don't care that much about intelligence, money or status in a woman. Unless she's has something like 80 IQ or less, doubt most men would care.

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-04-30T08:41:11+00:00

Yes, I'd love that. It's tiring to be smartest person in the room.

Barely-moral · 2024-04-30T18:22:44+00:00

If I am the best option she has and will ever have, then yes. The smart thing would be to stay with me.

If I am not the best option she has and will ever have then no. The smart thing would be to leave me.

Title	Would you be comfortable dating a woman significantly smarter than you?
Author	JonMyMon
Upvotes	12
Comments	111
Date	April 29, 2024 3:31 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1cg21bw/would_you_be_comfortable_dating_a_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-be-comfortable-dating-a-woman.1516878 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516878

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