Girls if you hit, slap, belittle, kick, punch, choke, throw things at, or control your boyfriends, you are the abuser.

Ihaveopinionstoo · 2017-02-24T14:55:43+00:00

and yelling..

please lets not forget how bad it is if the woman is constantly yelling too.

FirstEvolutionist · 2017-02-24T12:22:24+00:00

I remember I once saw a crazy woman hit her bodybuilder boyfriend with her purse, and punch him in the face etc. He just took it, blocked some with the hands but did not fight back. Because he knew that if he would fight back he would be viewed as the abuser.

Tmomp · 2017-02-24T12:46:44+00:00

How do we have a world where anyone would see the need to write something so obvious? How do we teach girls so that they would think strength or empowerment means hurting men?

Homecastle · 2017-02-24T15:22:11+00:00

My father always took my mothers punches and kicks with a painful laugh. I really admire him for that, when she hits me I don't have it in me to smile or laugh it off. And what often hurts even more than the punch is how disappointed she looks when I wince in pain. She stopped hitting us a few years ago and I'm thankful for that, but I still instinctively flinch often when she moves her hands to grab something suddenly. And she's hurt by that, that I'm afraid of her, and in turn that hurts me, because i love my mother despite her many flaws and I don't want her to feel guilty.

I don't know why I'm telling you guys this personal story, it's just that that text makes me think that it's ok to share this

SoHelpfulGuy · 2017-02-24T14:07:23+00:00

My wife does all of these things. I feel sorry for her boyfriend.

thesmilingwanderer · 2017-02-24T15:24:27+00:00

I had an ex who was abusive both verbally and physically. We were about the same size, and when she got angry she would hit, shove, punch. It hurt, quite a bit. I stayed in that relationship for two years, for lack of knowing what to do. I tried to leave once, and she continuously called my phone demanding to know why I was ignoring her. When I went to go meet up with her to talk, I was greeted with a few slaps to the face.

Eventually, I met a new friend who gave me the pep talk I needed to dump her. "Why didn't you do that before?" some people ask... easier said than done, and you don't really understand until you're in that situation. You want to leave, but your mind just doesn't let you. But that day something snapped, and when I told her this was it, she didn't even argue. She must have seen the look in my eyes, because she stayed very quiet. Happily in a new relationship now :).

Anyway, the worst point in that relationship was one day when she was just nonstop punching me in the corner, shoving and yelling over something I can't even remember. I couldn't take the pain anymore, and after telling her to stop several times I finally pushed her away so I could get away from the punches. Cue crying, cue "why would you put your hands on me?", cue her telling all of her friends, and cue everyone turning against me. Keep in mind I used to tell people what she was doing and they would just laugh and not take me seriously, even police when I called didn't do much but "you two behave now" and that was it. But me pushing her away brought down an unholy amount of negativity on my back, and I lost a few friends.

Just wanted to vent. I never went to therapy because I felt silly for wanting to do so, because we live in a world where if women hit or emotionally abuse men it just isn't taken as seriously. But it feels good to let it out. This was over a decade ago, and again I am now in a very healthy and happy relationship.

PogoHobbes · 2017-02-24T15:30:37+00:00

What may get lost in this message is that a woman is more likely to abuse a man socially. I would emphasize the words "belittle" and "control" in the original message. This is where women bully and abuse men in a relationship because they often have more power and the ability to manipulate in this realm.

It is obvious when someone physically assaults someone else. Controlling and abusing someone through superior social skills is far more pernicious and less likely to be seen as abusive by the abuser and others.

LadySaberCat · 2017-02-24T12:31:55+00:00

The fact that this needs to be said is soul crushing

MasterDeBaitor · 2017-02-24T14:46:08+00:00

"Never hit a lady. If she hits you though, she ain't no lady"

Edit: just as a preemptive note: "never hit a gentleman, if he hits you, he's no gentleman"

rclova · 2017-02-24T13:48:58+00:00

I felt abused by that watermark

Altermorphe · 2017-02-24T15:43:00+00:00

I already been in a fight with my girlfriend and she was hiting me, throw object and anything she could use to hurt me. At one point before I lose it I decide to call the police then lock my self in the bathroom until the arrived. But surprisingly they told me to leave and find a abother place to live.

I totally lost confiance in the system then. Sorry for my english it is not my native language.

malpheres · 2017-02-24T16:36:03+00:00

I had an older girlfriend right out of high school. I thought I was a baller. She'd abuse me all the time and think it was hilarious, and when I would tell her to stop she would call me a pussy. It started with just punches to the arm and it slowly graduated to slaps in the face just for her amusement.

One Sunday, we were laying around and she said 'hey, let's go to Best Buy so I can get a cd.' (I know, I'm old as fuck). And I told her no, I didn't feel like it because the Best Buy was 30 minutes away. After about 20-30 minutes of whining and complaining I gave in. We were in my car riding there, when she said, 'why are you being an asshole?' To which I replied 'how? I haven't even said anything.' Which was true because the whole car ride I was silent.

She then said 'just stop being an asshole.' And then I gave her a mockingly 'okay!' And then she punched me in my right cheek. Closed fist punch to the face while I was driving down the highway. I had enough. I pulled onto the shoulder and I grabbed her thigh and I told her to never fucking do that ever again. And then she told me to stop being a fucking pussy.

I threw my car back into drive and made u-turn and went back to her house. When we got in front of her house I put the car in park and said 'get out of my car.' And then she turned on the cutesy sweet girl act like she always did and the I yelled 'GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR YOU CUNT'

She slapped me in the face again. I then got out of the car and started to walk to the passenger door. I was so mad I was going to rip her out of the car. She got out quickly and then I just turned back, got back into my car and sped off.

The next day I went over to her house to get my things while she was at work. I never talked to her again.

I actually saw her a few years ago while I was hopping around the local bars when I was home visiting my parents for a long weekend. She was with some younger guy and she put on about 75lbs. It felt good to see her looking like a mess, but I felt bad for her new boyfriend.

warmroast · 2017-02-24T15:39:09+00:00

Women are not taught how to deal with feelings of anger and violence in a healthy way, and this is how it manifests. Women are assumed to not have these feelings. Men are taught from a very young age that they will have these feelings, and they need to control and channel them in healthy ways.

Just like how men are not taught how to deal with feelings of sadness, loss, and even friendship.

It's not OK to hit people. Teach your daughters just like you teach your sons.

LostArt_999 · 2017-02-24T15:19:32+00:00

it doesn't even have to be from someone you love

I hate it when girls or female friends I'm talking to at bars get belligerent and overly-pushy after they've had a few drinks

i don't care that you're small/petite and i'm 6'4", its just annoying and makes me want to avoid being around you

special shout-out to all the girls that can hold their booze with class

TomorrowsJoe · 2017-02-24T21:52:07+00:00

I've posted this a few times, but it fits here.

My ex girlfriend dumped me a year ago (with a text message, a week before Christmas). I was with my ex girlfriend for almost 3 years when it ended. We talked and planned about; marriage, kids and spending the rest of our lives together. Hell, I was a week away from asking her to marry me when she left. I tried so hard to save my relationship.

I became extremely dependent on her. She was my best friend. I trusted her completely and I never questioned her. She was everything to me. The reason I got up in the morning. The reason I went to the gym. She gave me a purpose. No matter what happened to me, I knew I was going to be OK because I had her by my side. I cannot put into words how much I loved her or how important she was to me. I put her needs in front of everything else in my life. I would've moved heaven and earth for her. When she left, I didn't know who I was anymore.

I didn't see it at the time, but she treated me terribly. She was horribly emotionally and mentally abusive to me. The entire relationship was on her terms and I was basically her boyfriend when it was convenient for her or she needed something (ie: emotional support, sometimes I felt like her therapist). After she left me (she said that I was the one abusing her. I believed her and went to get help. I didn't want to be a man who abuses the ones he loves. I quickly found out that I was the one being abused) I found out that she had been cheating on me for months. On top of that, I found out that pretty much everything that she ever told me was a lie and that I never really knew the real her. It's a strange and awful feeling to realize that the person you fell in love with, the person you truly believed was your soul mate was never real.

I know I'm much better off without her. When I told her that I'd never talk to her or see her again, she said "What the hell? But you're my best friend! I need you in my life! You promised that no matter what happened, you'd always be there for me". When I told her that it would just be to painful for me, that I couldn't go from being a week away from asking her to marry me to being just friends, she told me that wasn't normal and just another reason why she had to leave me. I know now that she has an extremely bad personality disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder/Sociopath). But...I still miss her. I still want her. There's still a part of me that believes we were meant to be together. I know that was never real, that it was part of her personality disorder but it's incredibly difficult to separate that. It hurts so much to tell my story and have people say "wow, I never would've left you" or "she'll never find a guy who will treat her as well as you did". Or to have your therapist say "you are absolutely marriage material and you're going to make some woman extremely happy one day". It hurts because it just leads me to think "Why? Why, if I'm so great. If I treated her so well...why did she leave me? Why did she hurt me so much?"

It's been a year now. I'm still single and I just turned 30. I'm terrified I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life alone. I'm terrified I'm never going to find someone I'll love as much or want to spend the rest of my life as much as I did with her. I'm slowly (with the help of therapy) rebuilding myself. I'm slowly starting to feel like my old self again. But, when someone is involved with ever aspect of your life, a lot reminds you of them. I still find myself going "Huh, I wish I could tell/show her this or that" or "I bet she'd find this funny".

I've learned that emotional and mental abuse...is odd. Odd is the best way I can describe it. It's like being trapped in our my head. I know that xyz is not true and I have overwhelming proof that xyz is not true. But there's this voice, her voice telling me that we're wrong. That xyz is true and that I'm a horrible person and a monster.

My ex convinced me I was a monster. She convinced me that I was not only solely responsible for the death of our relationship, I was responsible for everything wrong in her life. Her depression, anxiety, social troubles (she had a very hard time making and keeping friends. At the time I could never understand why. I figured she was misunderstood), school trouble...everything was because of me. She said that I had sexually assaulted her. She said I was mentally and emotionally abusing her. She said I was controlling her by keeping her from seeing her friends and family (nothing could be further from the truth. I hardly saw her. I didn't want her to be forced to see me, if that makes sense. I believed her when she said she really wanted to see me but she was busy. She was always busy. I felt forgotten. When I told her this she said "I don't forget about you. I'm just busy and I had my entire life to see you!" The last year we were together, we only saw each other 30 times. The rest was text and phone calls). She refused to even see me in person because "she was afraid of what her reaction would be if I tried to comfort her and that she no longer felt safe around me". She threatened to beat the shit out of me and told me that it would be my fault because I had the audacity to ask one of her few friends if he was dating her (the same guy she was cheating on me with). She said that I had left her no other choice but to leave me and told me "I hope you learn from this because this is all your fault. You took something that was once so beautiful and turned it into something ugly and painful". And I believed every single word she said.

I was beyond crushed. I almost killed myself that night. I couldn't even stomach my own reflection in the mirror. For months I cried every single day. Then she tormented me by making sure it got back to me how happy she was or how she has a new boyfriend. My depression got so bad I had my local Crisis and Suicide Prevention line calling me every day to check on me.

The road has been very long but I have gotten better over the past year. I haven't cried for a few months now and that's a good thing. She no longer consumes my ever thought, but she's still very present in my mind because of the hole she left both in me and my life. People tell me that I'll find someone far better than her but if I'm being honest, I don't know if I believe that. After all, I really thought she was my soul mate. How do you find that again?

The scary part is, being completely honest...if she were to try to come back, I'm not sure if I'd say "No".

I didn't just loose a girlfriend. I lost my best friend. I lost my future wife. I lost the mother of my children. I lost my partner who I couldn't wait to share the rest of my life with. Above all else I lost my future, something I am slowly starting to get back, even if I have a hard time believing that.

Well...that's my horrible breakup. I just wanted to share what I went through.

verygoodstuff · 2017-02-24T12:33:14+00:00

My boyfriend wants me to punch him in the face during sex, does that count?

2017-02-24T16:02:31+00:00

Most bystanders probably just assume the guy deserves it anyway.

"He must be an asshole" "He's probably cheating" Things I'd expect to hear from casual onlookers.

dingoperson2 · 2017-02-24T12:52:57+00:00

There's also really no such thing as "Strong enough to take it". The physical pain felt by someone with big muscles being hit isn't lower than the pain felt by someone with small muscles being hit. Of course they can defend themselves better (if they want to risk going to jail) but bigger muscles does not equal less pain.

blastinmypants · 2017-02-24T14:34:53+00:00

it's the white knights I fear more.

trying_2b_reasonable · 2017-02-24T14:55:57+00:00

I hate that people consider this some kind of feminist issue or men's rights issue. Abusers are abusers regardless of gender. A woman who would abuse her significant other will also abuse her children, so saying "they can't hit hard" is moot. Abusers of any gender orientation need to be dealt with.

TheOnlyKarsh · 2017-02-24T15:27:32+00:00

No one has the right to lay their hands on me. The gender of the individual is an irrelevant fact.

Karsh

unsafeatNESP · 2017-02-24T15:40:12+00:00

my mother literally destroyed my father. physically, mentally, and emotionally. real fucking shitshow.

2017-02-24T15:39:34+00:00

It makes me really happy to see this! There needs to be more recognition of this and more support for those of who have gone through it and reeducation for those who are the abusers.

dirkdeagler · 2017-02-24T18:39:00+00:00

I just recently broke up with my girlfriend after having close friends and family make it clear to me that her controlling behavior was abuse. I guess it had been going on for a while, but given the way we're conditioned as men growing up, I just couldn't conceive of myself as the man in the relationship being the subject for abuse.

That changed the other night when she went into another of her jealous rages (ironic because I've never been anything but 100% faithful in our relationship) and demanded to see my phone. I had let her see my phone in the past to prove that I wasn't maintaining relationships with any other women, which was a huge mistake and even though the content of my phone showed I wasn't unfaithful, she seized on a small inconsistency in my story (which I honestly just remembered incorrectly) and still put me through the ringer of emotional abuse. On the night in question, I told her that looking at my phone is a boundary, and it wouldn't be happening any more. She pressed the issue, and I told her that if she really felt like she wasn't going to be satisfied until she looked at my phone, then she needed to leave and cool off. She ripped my phone out of my hands, and walked out the door. I can't do anything to grab it back because I risk hurting her and being on the wrong side of Johnny Law's interpretation of events.

An hour later, she's back, pounding on my door. I'm pretty pissed at this point, so I crack the door and tell we can talk, but she needs to stay outside. She jams her knee between the door frame and door, and starts to push into it with her whole body weight. This is a totally shitty situation for me. We do powerlifting together, and while I'm undoubtedly a lot stronger than she is, she's by no means weak. In order for me to keep her out of my house, I risk physically hurting her by virtue of the force I'd need to exert to push her back. So at this point, not only have I had my phone taken, I've had her enter my house against my explicit instructions to her that she's not welcome inside. She throws my phone down on the floor and informs me that she deleted it. (Actually, she tried to enter the PIN incorrectly so many times it auto-wiped.) I lose a 10-year career worth of contacts in advertising that I didn't have backed up, along with all the photos and videos that aren't backed up on a cloud service.

In the meantime, she continues to yell at me about how I've somehow lied to her. I tell her she needs to leave my house, and she refuses to leave. Fine, I tell her, she needs to sleep on the couch then. She refuses that. I'm pissed, but I feel that calling the cops is more risk than reward, despite the fact that I've done nothing wrong. We settle into an uneasy truce where she's asleep in my bed and I'm just totally ignoring her. Thankfully, I was able to wake her up the next morning and tell her she had 5 minutes to get out, and I think at that point she'd cooled down enough to have at least a modicum of remorse and leave.

It sucks because even though this really was a breaking point for me, I still have compassion for her and why she has such terrible trust issues. I dunno if that makes me a "cuck" or whatever, but I still struggle with feeling like I'm somehow letting her down because I know how bad she had it as a child, and I feel like if I could somehow just be better I'd be capable of helping her. In the end though, I realize that trying to do that from within a relationship with her is just going to perpetuate the problem and run me absolutely ragged, and that ultimately she needs professional help.

I never thought that myself, as a man, would be in this kind of situation. I thought abusive relationships were shit that happened to other people, and they were idiots for not just walking away. I'm just glad I had support from people who had my best interests in heart and gave it to me straight about what was going on.

HisWifeIsMad · 2017-02-24T17:40:21+00:00

As a survivor of domestic abuse, I agree. I also think, if a woman beats up a guy, that if she gets hit (when she was hitting him first), that's fair enough.

2017-02-24T18:40:47+00:00

My ex slapped me in the face once and gave me the "WHAT YOU GONNA HIT ME NOW?!" tough chick bullshit. I laughed in her face. I think that was worse than hitting her...

thenopornographers · 2017-02-24T15:00:58+00:00

Yeah, I don't think this is controversial.

theboyyousaw · 2017-02-24T15:11:13+00:00

I honestly just can't believe that it's 2017 and things as basic and as obvious as this have to still be said out loud.

You'd think we'd be better than that by now.

Thetax128 · 2017-02-24T15:21:01+00:00

Hey there r/all, time for some tough love on this subject. It's just as bad for a woman to hit her man as it is for a man it hit his woman. If any person is stuck in an abusive relationship, now is the time to take action.

Mayafoe · 2017-02-24T15:10:00+00:00

you forgot yell

jovanbaptista · 2017-02-24T14:42:04+00:00

Men have a limit with each other where generally, if u cross the line a physical altercation is possible. Women live in a special little world where this isn't the case. So women's egos are fuuuuuuuuckin yuge these days thanks to this and social media, Internet dating ect

Copidosoma · 2017-02-24T14:42:02+00:00

I don't know many women who don't agree with this. Actually i don't know ANY women who think its okay to abuse their partner.

Im lucky and i feel sorry for any victim of abuse no matter their gender.

dinoslauri · 2017-02-24T15:44:23+00:00

An actual men's rights issue that gets forgotten about.

edxzxz · 2017-02-24T15:53:39+00:00

Ray Rice and his gf are drunk as can be, leaving a casino, and she decides to start slapping him, spits in his face, screaming vile hateful slurs at him until he loses it and throws a punch. She is entirely blameless, he is bounced out of his career permanently and charged with felonies. Not excusing his side in that, just saying she shouldn't be excused from her role in that altercation either. Eventually, even Job had enough and lost his cool.

TRPblues · 2017-02-24T16:27:31+00:00

Finally, a mens rights thread on the front page. Now we are getting somewhere.

gryts · 2017-02-24T12:32:48+00:00

What you are describing is equality, that's not what they want.

Djwezzy · 2017-02-24T15:17:33+00:00

This hits way to close to home for me right now. FML

elhaupto · 2017-02-24T16:50:22+00:00

Are there actually people who think this is okay?

NintendoFCKR · 2017-02-24T16:50:54+00:00

I wish stuff like this was said more often, because women are just as likely to be the abuser in a relationship. Oftentimes because they know they are more likely to get away with it than men are.

My uncle married a woman who used to kick the shit out of him all the time. There was one fight that was getting out of control, so he just went ahead and called the police and she hit herself in the face with a beer bottle so the cops would haul him off.

It all came to a breaking point with their last fight when she grabbed and twisted his balls so hard he ended up in the hospital for three days.

I really hate that even these days, many men are brought up with the ancient concept of chivalry, that you never hit a woman, ever, even if you are defending yourself. The idea is beyond absurd and shows there's still a ton of gender bias alive and well.

A few years ago I was at a local bar and this lady flipped out when I refused to buy her a drink, she tried to knee me in the groin, barely missed. So I punched her in the throat, laid her out and left. I still get shit from my friends about that. But I bet that asshole at the bar thinks twice before assulting men now.

GunsGermsAndSteel · 2017-02-24T20:26:21+00:00

Muscle doesn't stop punches from hurting.

Source: am muscle, don't like teh punchez

BrownNote_Forcepower · 2017-02-24T15:52:11+00:00

The same goes for cheating or for leading on multiple men. When men do it they're scumbags, when women do it they're "empowered" or "strong and independent." Bullshit, scumbag behavior is just that, no gender implications required.

bagada · 2017-02-24T15:40:25+00:00

I have a fruend who continuously gets assaulted by his ex girlfriend. It all started when he broke up with her for cheating on him with multiple men and her own cousin, she left him with cuts all over his face. She did this in front of two police officers, who just watched and when asked "What if he defended himself?" They replied that they would arrest him. She still shows up at his house sometimes at 3 am but the cops won't do shit.

loveadumb · 2017-02-24T16:28:02+00:00

I'm gay and this still applies to me.

rocket_raccon · 2017-02-25T04:14:54+00:00

Apparently withholding sex is a form of abuse. According to an abuse awareness pamphlet I read. What's up with that?

rossdjk · 2017-02-24T16:47:37+00:00

I consider myself a feminist, and I am with you on this one 100%.

bufedad · 2017-02-24T14:45:58+00:00

And at some point, he may decide to defend himself, and you may be spitting out teeth.

InertState · 2017-02-24T15:52:01+00:00

When will men stop being abused in today's world. They have it harder than anyone.

agentpotato007 · 2017-02-24T15:53:17+00:00

I mean the message is alright, but can we at least crop out the iFunny watermark?

bittybroad · 2017-02-24T16:22:40+00:00

No shit. I mean this has nothing do with age, gender, size, or context. I'm not even sure why this has to be said. violence just creates whole other problem next to a pre-existing problem.

IHaveBearArms · 2017-02-24T18:17:00+00:00

If ANYONE hits you, you have the obligation to hit back. No matter what the sex...

scaur · 2017-02-24T18:57:30+00:00

When my brother and I were young our mom used to hit us as a punishment. When I was about fourteen year old, My mom saw my grades and wasn't happy about it, so she decided to punish me. she grabbed and pulled my shirt then began to slap my face and ear across the living room, I tried to block her attacks with my arms, but that made her hit me even harder. I do not know what came out over me, suddenly I felt enrage and pushed her away which she fell and landed on the sofa. She began to cry and said: " I should never hit her back, as she is my mom.". Immediately, I felt guilty for pushing her, I didn't say anything or look at her face I just look down to floor I went to my room. I didn't remember when we start talking again, maybe a week or a month. But after that day she would not use physical beating as a punishment.

PC_2_weeks_now · 2017-02-24T19:30:37+00:00

I dated this girl in high school who did this too. Over an argument, where she was obviously wrong, she punched me multiple times. After breaking free, i called the police on her. I made it clear, she hit me, i did not touch her in a harmful way. Im the guy, the girl hit me. Send a female officer to fucking check her so i do not get accused of bullshit. They came and took her ass away. The cops were still looking at me like i did something. They can all eat a bag of shit.

bigterry · 2017-02-24T14:42:49+00:00

oh shit when the feminazis at /srs see this shit they'll lose their minds.

"patriarchy intensifies"

2017-02-24T15:48:23+00:00

This applies to all humans regardless of gender,sexual orientation,race or age.

400yards · 2017-02-24T17:46:06+00:00

I was a victim of abuse at the hands of my now Ex-wife. During our ridiculous long break up. There was much abuse thrown back and forth. But, I found two things that were especially egregious, and really things that she got away with mainly because of her sex.

-Having a woman you love try to beat you, is in fact devastating. Even when she is a foot and an inch shorter and less than a third of my weight (always were total opposites sizewise). She also, had little muscle tone, and I was jacked. It was like trying to knock down a wall with a wet noodle. I remember having a cop almost beg me to just say it once, "She hit me". He was tired of seeing my house. She was always the one to call. Cop promised I will probably never have to go through it again. She was lashing out in way she thought she could totally get away with at anytime. He was sure she would be convinced otherwise fairly quickly. I had no desire to have the mother of my children in cuffs. Will always wonder if I just extended the pain.

-Worse than my Ex's ineffectual "beatings", was an all too common form of abuse, that is simply NEVER mentioned. Someone please tell me if this behavior has a name. When her rage was peaking, and her self control was a little in check, she would do something very consistent and specific. It happened most often to me when I was trying to disengage from an argument in any way. What she would do, what many people sometimes do, is: Try to manipulate me to engage in an argument I want no part of. Specifically, it was very clear she wanted me to do something inappropriate. Preferably she wanted me to be violent. Her words and actions were meant to illicit a fright or flight response, she would save the cruelest and most tasteless tactics. In my experience, I would immediately try to just get away, jump in the car and decide were I'm going once I was a block away. She would physically block doorways, all of them. The closet to get shoes, the bathroom so I could pee, the front door, and finally the car door. I usually escaped unscathed. Thankfully, my therapist saw fit to prepare me in case I should encounter this behavior. I can proudly state that I never gave her what she wanted. Best advise I ever got was to keep my hands deep in my pockets at all times. How I managed not to break down and give in to my base and almost natural instincts is something I'm actually proud of. I'm not saying that NOT being abusive is a cause for celebration. It is a mere expectation of civility, humanity, and law. There is no way for a man to win these situations. The only small victory is in self control.

TL;DR: Women will sometimes try to force a man to be violent or inappropriate. An almost impossible situation for any man. Much too common. Woman behaves badly, her man is the one tested and put at risk.

azazelcrowley · 2017-02-24T18:20:05+00:00

(I should add, this is the capstone of months of verbal abuse, gradually grinding me down. 5 minute sudden shouting matches here and there, eventually, this happened. By this point i'm already a bit of a wreck tbh)

My ex partner was blocking the exit to the house by blocking the stairs and screaming at me for about twenty minutes about how she hates everything about me and basically just wanting to demolish my self-esteem, the insults were incoherent when taken together, but drove the same point in over and over. Couldn't get past her obviously, because that'd be physical.

She'd say I was too arrogant and too insecure, as an example. Just a constant scream of what amounts to "I hate you." "You're a slob" "You care too much about your appearance you vain fuck" etc.

Eventually this devolved into death threats and how I should die, how my mother should have killed me, that she was gonna shove me down the stairs, stuff like that.

Eventually she got out of the way, and I immediately took a break for it. Shoulda paid attention.

She ran and shoved me in the direction of the stairs.

Doesn't matter that it didn't work, for a second, I really thought it might. My brain snapped and I became more like a frightened animal. I clawed at her face and punched her, shoved her into the wall, and ran away, almost fell down the fucking stairs anyway from scurrying.

I curled up in as a ball in an alley and called the police to explain what happened. I think I was still snapped in the brain, because it took like an hour for me to calm down enough for them to understand my rambling. Apparently I was completely incoherent at first and gradually calmed down from the operator being nice to me. She stayed on the phone and talked to me while the cops traced it. Probably heard I was terrified.

She denied none of it. The police filed one report, which we both signed, because it was the truth. Was still me taken to a cell for the night.

Nothing happened to her.

I'm pretty sure She tried to kill me, and nothing happened to her.

When I got back, she'd trashed the place. It was my home. shrug

Maybe I coulda kept it together from the physical attack without the big attempt to demolish my mind and wear me down first, maybe not.

I dunno what happened to me. Nothing really crossed my mind. I just remember blind panic and my physical actions, the occurrence of events. Conscious kind of thought wasn't there.

I will never call the police again. No male should when dealing with a woman.

Don't give me the crap about it being women being small. Anyone can understand how what she did was dangerous to me. It's not that. It's that society refuses to hold women accountable for anything, ever.

I felt pathetic for my breakdown. I felt embarrassed to be seen like that. I'm embarrassed even talking about it.

I think what triggered it is she managed to convey such spite and malice and hatred and such wish of harm on me, that as soon as I realized it wasn't just talk, but that she was willing to physically try to enact it? I just snapped and went into fight/flight. Like, her malice and contempt for me sort of loomed over me and when she shoved me I didn't feel big. I felt really small, and frightened. That's the kind of sense I got. Its stupid. I dunno. I guess if you try and break someone mentally they might break mentally in unpredictable ways. Maybe i'll never understand it.

If she'd pressed charges, I probably would have gone to jail I think. She had blood on her face from me clawing at her and punching her, and the wall had busted a bit.

I probably could have killed her.

She didn't press charges because she didn't want me to either. But I couldn't risk it. If the cops saw fit to take me away instead of her, i'm pretty sure i'd be the one in court. I don't think she figured out she could have done it.

"Worst" part? The cops were pretty clearly sympathizing more with me. When they said they needed to seperate us for the night, the cop who said it, he broke eye contact with me.

He knew. he knew it was unfair and he did it anyway. That's one of the things that really sticks with me about that day. It felt like I had been betrayed as well as everything else. I could have handled him being a bigot. But that really got to me.

She was a cunt, but i've moved on. But that cop deciding to knowingly fuck me over still gets to me. Stupid I guess.

When I saw her a few times after that, despite her clearly "Losing" that fight in terms of physical injury, I was scared of her. She wasn't of me. Didn't act it anyway. Couldn't help it. Just saw her, and fwoompf. Brain starts getting itchy to leave. Everything becomes sharper focused, stuff like that. Pretty sure she gave me PTSD.

You_Are_All_Absurd · 2017-02-24T15:05:29+00:00

It's a good rule of thumb that if you ever use violence for any reason, you're a subhuman and should be removed. Gender or sex is irrelevant.

2017-02-24T15:29:03+00:00

Duh?

UserM16 · 2017-02-24T16:07:17+00:00

I know 3 separate girls that used to hit their boyfriends when they got really drunk. Girls always blamed it on the alcohol and just brushed it under the rug. But the last one of those girls was my ex and I wasn't physically injured but it broke my heart.

Saebiralol · 2017-02-24T16:46:05+00:00

https://youtu.be/LlFAd4YdQks

Reminds me of this video.
It's really sad and stupid either way, I don't care the gender. Hitting someone is abusive and unnecessary.

2017-02-24T17:13:35+00:00

This still gets to me, even decades later.

After the abuse I suffered at the hands of both genders in my youth, learning how hardly anybody gives a damn about, or would rather minimize, the psychological blows dealt at the hands of girls to me, it opened my eyes to just how uncaring this world can be.

Some people have told me "But we DO teach both genders not to hit each other in school". I always end up asking "How come girls continue to get the idea that boys are fair game to treat as physical and emotional punching bags as they grow older?"

Another question I'd tack on is "How come in enteratainment, creators think a strong, female protagonist means they have to always be right and the male characters always wrong, possess no flaws whatsoever, and are given free reign to emotionally and physically assault a male character for no reason except for either saying the wrong thing or making a mistake?"

Believe me when it baffles me no one has bothered to even explore this.

Metatart · 2017-02-24T17:53:27+00:00

Tumblr in action, am i right?

Achack · 2017-02-24T18:09:22+00:00

For the gender that is supposed to be more in touch with their feelings they have a lot of trouble empathizing with the feelings of a man they are in a relationship with.

Rethgil · 2017-02-24T21:47:00+00:00

Lots of comments here taking the p*ss out of the issue. Not sure why there's no respect for such a serious issue when men get no consideration as victims of this.

JCTheGreat1 · 2017-02-25T00:08:25+00:00

How can she slap

warspite88 · 2017-02-25T11:06:24+00:00

stuff like this is needed but ultimately is irrelevant because most girls and women know this behavior is wrong and hurts men. the problem is the systemic discrimination and misandry of the culture to not protect men from it like it protects women from men's abuse. until the laws change, men are never protected from womens abuse and women are encouraged to abuse.

andreagassi · 2017-02-24T14:36:57+00:00

I used to get punched by an ex all the time it takes a strong man not to hit back trust me

lolzerker · 2017-02-24T14:42:20+00:00

This hits so close to home.

Ottsalotnotalittle · 2017-02-24T17:43:29+00:00

i will never hit a lady, but i will beat the white off an uppity ho

Jesusz_Hitman · 2017-02-24T14:02:24+00:00

Ifunny repost

e1667060 · 2017-02-24T16:29:46+00:00

Girls if you hit, slap, belittle, kick, punch, choke, throw things at expect to be hit back

fixed that for y'all

HDTicket2 · 2017-02-24T15:25:51+00:00

Girls, if you hit, slap, punch, kick, spit on or katate chop your boyfriend, you are single.

Rocko9999 · 2017-02-24T16:36:36+00:00

If women were treated how other men were, they would do a lot less abusing. They know they can get away with things because 99% of men won't do anything about it.

2017-02-24T16:49:56+00:00

Woman slaps a man: Legal

Man slaps a woman: Illegal

Men are psychically stronger than women: That's apparently the logic.

shredthebread · 2017-02-24T15:44:53+00:00

Most people agree with this

jivkoo · 2017-02-24T14:43:34+00:00

Most of these is what gets me and my gf off during sex.

SodaPalooza · 2017-02-24T15:48:03+00:00

There are sometimes posts that you open just to see the "other discussions" tab at the top. And of those posts, there are those where you are inexplicably disappointed to see that tab completely missing. This is one of those post. This is not the subreddit that needs to see this information.

ShiningConcepts · 2017-02-24T16:22:12+00:00

And he's justified in hitting her back.

xBaldyCrocsx · 2017-02-24T16:25:04+00:00

Pointing out the fact that this is NOT ok and being told to "man up".

Leave her.

onelifeisenough · 2017-02-24T16:25:23+00:00

my girlfriend slapped me while being drunk because i tickeled her. She has apologized a million times, we haved moved on, but that was still emotionally devastating

Juventusy · 2017-02-24T16:25:32+00:00

This. Plus the fact that society says you go girl and good for you (mostly the fault of men with daughters think the more evil she is the better its like they get a hard on or they think other men are as abusive as them maybe? but to be fair if he did say anything he would be considered abusive).

Mainly due to years and year and years of shows like oprah showing men are bad men are evil. Its not womens fault if women were really nice and kind to you all your life but you have a show like Oprah showing women are bad look at all the stuff they are doing, it would have an impact on you too. Not saying men are good, but all those tv shows saying men are bad does make people react.

This is happening now with other groups, where you go "where did they find these people?" Eventually your like woah! This is real? They believe that? And eventually it makes you react. Eg: finding crazy religous people, crazy "sjws" and instead of just being this person is crazy and ignoring them they are on national tv, and full circle back to the other side with "anti sjws" that are doing their own cringie childish stupid things. And no matter how much we try to ignore them they keep being shoved in our faces till we react to these 3 groups...

At least most people now (unless they are neanderthals) think that hey if she is hurting you there is nothing wrong with sending her to another realm for a while

Exodus180 · 2017-02-24T16:50:41+00:00

no shit?

UncleGrabcock · 2017-02-24T17:12:03+00:00

Girls, *

I thought you were all about commas. Get your shit together.

messymexican · 2017-02-24T18:05:39+00:00

They don't care. As long as they can get away with it.

tmac63 · 2017-02-24T18:50:10+00:00

My ex was a hitter. I never hit back because I was afraid of losing control and really hurting her.

hyporheic · 2017-02-24T21:54:31+00:00

While decidely distinct from physical abuse, verbal/emotional abuse is still abuse and awful.

2017-02-25T01:46:21+00:00

It complicated to be a man in traditional gender roles. Strong enough to cry. Gentle enough to go downstairs when somebody is breaking in. Be a great provider but do not spend to much time away from home. Today's modern man is walking contradiction.

GingerJack76 · 2017-02-25T02:28:18+00:00

YES.

rcc737 · 2017-02-25T19:42:21+00:00

I tell both my son and daughter:

Physical violence is an idiots way of resolving conflict.

Both are martial arts students. Both could do serious damage to each other and those around them....however both know that physical violence is better left to idiots.

jereddit · 2017-02-24T16:10:41+00:00

Normally not a fan of this sub, but this is a good post.

LukaCola · 2017-02-24T14:39:14+00:00

What if I like being choked?

Vancevancevance · 2017-02-24T15:11:22+00:00

Why on earth would anyone think that women consider this normal behavior? I'm sorry if you are abused. It's not normal. No one worth listening to ever said it was. Please don't pass it on by lumping all women together as terrible humans. You're just spreading the abuse around.

jeff_the_nurse · 2017-02-24T14:53:54+00:00

Can we all vow to share this on Facebook?

yourfacelikesme · 2017-02-24T14:58:28+00:00

No fucking shit. Any feminist will agree with you. This sub is unreal.

2017-02-24T23:02:03+00:00

Constant nagging is abuse as well, a study done a while back showed that nagging could cause severe stress and could actually shorten a mans life...

If you ask him to do something two or three times and he doesn't get it done... FREAKING HIRE SOMEONE TO DO IT OR DO IT YOURSELF... At this point it's clear he either doesn't have time to do it, the knowledge, just doesn't like doing it or has more important things to do...

Don't have enough money to hire someone? Get a freakin job...

Code347 · 2017-02-24T23:33:39+00:00

Equal rights get equal lefts.

AutoModerator · 2017-02-24T15:50:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2017-02-24T15:57:23+00:00

*Unless when you're being kinky as fuck, then it is okay.

Girls if you hit, slap, belittle, kick, punch, choke, throw things at, or control your boyfriends, you are the abuser.

Comments

Try: "You wanna know WHY I DON'T 'love' you? Well at moments like this, it's pretty simple really... it's because you're WHINING & CRYING and trying to emotionally manipulate me with this kind of childish 'tantrum' bullshit! It's ridiculous."

notallwomen

Title	Girls if you hit, slap, belittle, kick, punch, choke, throw things at, or control your boyfriends, you are the abuser.
Author	Imnotmrabut
Upvotes	17752
Comments	473
Date	February 24, 2017 10:15 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/5vwquc/girls_if_you_hit_slap_belittle_kick_punch_choke/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/girls-if-you-hit-slap-belittle-kick-punch-choke.1072144 https://theredarchive.com/post/1072144