Are there any women that feel like they struggle getting sex?

2022-03-16T19:38:44+00:00

I don’t feel comfortable having sex for the sake of it. my sex drive has never worked that way.

DivineDaedra · 2022-03-16T19:06:39+00:00

I’m neither but if I wasn’t married/in a committed relationship I would expect 2.

My nerves and I don’t get along so I don’t always experience nerve related things (pain or pleasure) as intensely as most people so toys are a requirement for me. On top of that, some of the medications I’m on make sex painful without pretty extensive preparation and even then it still hurts. I don’t think I could ever really enjoy a one night stand and it would definitely reduce the number of people who would be interested in a FWB situation.

I’m pretty average in terms of looks and my hips don’t work right so I can’t even do my fair share of the work.

Long story short, in order for me to get good sex I’d need to find someone who is okay with toys, at least an hour of foreplay focused mainly on me and even then maybe lube, and willing to do the vast majority of the work in exchange for what I can only assume are fairly average boobs and pussy.

There are a lot of reasons I consider myself very lucky to have found my husband as early as I did. The sex is definitely one of those reasons.

foundmymark · 2022-03-16T23:54:09+00:00

2 in my youth I had a difficult time finding a man who took time to fulfill my needs with the same energy I gave them or at all. I was also eager to please and that’s part of it.

groovygirl858 · 2022-03-17T17:55:07+00:00

I'm married, but before I was married, I did not struggle to get sex and I did not struggle to get good sex. Since I've been married, it's been obvious I still would not struggle to get sex if I wanted, as I suspect is most women's experience. The majority of women do not struggle to get sex. The only women I've known in real life who struggled to get sex were held back by lack of socialization or social awkwardness.

As far as struggling to get "good sex", it's not something I've personally experienced but I've known women who say they've had this problem. It seems to be 25 percent the guys are just no good at sex and 75 percent the women refuse to communicate their sexual wants/needs. I hate blaming women, especially when there are selfish guys out there who don't care about the woman's pleasure, but way too many women just expect an orgasm to happen without being assertive. They have a sexual encounter with a guy, let him lead everything, make no moves of their own, don't communicate want they want verbally or non-verbally and then walk away blaming the guy for a bad sexual experience. It takes two to tango ladies.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-03-16T19:10:05+00:00

I'm in a relationship so this isn't a problem any more, but before that I wasn't getting any offers, and my offers to go on dates were turned down. It's not as easy as you might think. I guess I wasn't actively looking for casual sex and when you don't put yourself in that environment and don't happen across someone who actually wants to date then you just end up not having sex.

Evening-Blackberry50 · 2022-03-16T19:17:44+00:00

I’m 17. So yes but I don’t look for it.
I’m 17. So yes but I don’t look for it.
Both.

Bonus: Find someone as desperate as you. Mutually beneficial.

Idk how I got here. I was on r/shitposting one minute ago.

IveGotIssues9918 · 2022-03-17T14:31:43+00:00

I struggle getting sex at all (virgin at 22). I thought I wanted to have a hoe phase when I first entered college, but I didn't get romantic/sexual attention from guys at parties (or at all) until 2 months into the year. The attention I did get was usually bottom-of-the-barrel- creepy dudes who weren't even students (one was literally a drug dealer) grabbing my ass and wanting me to blow them in the bathroom. My gut instinct was always "I don't like this", but I would be thinking, "well at least I'm getting attention" (although I would always either back out or be rescued before these encounters got any further). It was awful feeling like I had to cheapen myself in order to get scraps of attention, and being around others who were cheapening themselves. I was like, "I go to an Ivy League school for fuck's sake; why do I feel like a homeless prostitute?" Now I know that that kind of attention makes me feel worse than no attention at all, so I'm holding out for someone I actually know and like, who has something going for them, and who actually wants to date me.

thoughtfulsoul10000 · 2022-03-16T18:35:50+00:00

OK, so going back to my 20s for this. Pre-OLD. I'd say I was 2.

Yes, I did struggle. I only wanted sex in a relationship, and so it took time to find that. Also, you only ran into so many opportunities (single people your age, attractive) a day. If I just wanted to be used by a stranger from the bar, I guess I could've found it easier. But the idea of that disgusted me.

That said, all the sex I had except for one BF was good sex. Probably because it was with a boyfriend who cared about me as a person, and thus cared about pleasing me. So I just went without until I got it, and it was good when I got it.

Elegant_Basil7813 · 2022-03-16T18:39:52+00:00

There’s only one kind of sex worth participating in and that’s good sex. Getting just sex isn’t worth the squeeze

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-03-16T18:46:52+00:00

I struggle to even want to have sex.

LittleDragonMaiden · 2022-03-16T19:11:02+00:00

I used to struggle with good sex at first my husband but it was mostly due to me feeling guilt for experiencing pleasure. My husband has to reassure me over and over again that my reward for waiting until marriage is to be able to enjoy myself now, it was hard to let go of that feeling. I thought if I let myself feel anything I’d be losing even more of my purity.

So really, my struggle to get good sex was all on me but things have gotten better now.

MrIrishman1212 · 2022-03-16T20:20:32+00:00

Just going to drop this here

when it comes to sexual activity, straight women are having fewer orgasms at the hands of their partners (so to speak) than any other group surveyed

Ranziel · 2022-03-16T20:01:25+00:00

Of course they don't.
Of course they do. People that are good in any skill are rare.

sweetestpineapple · 2022-03-17T02:17:15+00:00

From men? Somewhat. If I put some effort into dating profiles or flirt with some guys on social media, I can usually get some type of hookup. From women? Lmao I honestly wish I never came out.
It’s like 50/50 but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. You can’t really tell until you’re actually in bed with them.

greedyleopard42 · 2022-03-17T03:06:39+00:00

when i was less attractive you could say i “struggled to get it”, but i’m sure i could have walked up to a really really ugly and huge guy and gotten it so i don’t know if you’d count that. the existence of incels kind of makes it rare for a woman to have absolutely zero chance of getting some.

but yeah nobody actually attractive, i’m sure a lot of men could get with a toothless obese woman too though and still be able to claim they struggle to have sex.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-03-17T05:19:39+00:00

I get amazing sex pretty much when ever I want, unless my husband isn’t up for it or the kids cock block us 😂

Orange_Paisley · 2022-03-16T19:00:26+00:00

Never really struggled to get sex but I was never really looking for just sex. The difficulty is finding (a) someone I wanted to have a relationship with that also wanted a relationship with me AND (b) sexual compatibility. Lights out missionary is fine but if that's the best you can do I'ma be bored in a lifetime relationship.

Forsaken_Software394 · 2022-03-16T18:46:59+00:00

I’ve never struggled getting sex, I have never been into hookups or casual affairs but I get countless offers consistently, it’s extremely annoying. At the gas station, at Target, when I’m rushing back to work from my lunch break, at my favorite restaurant, during a layover, at the gym…..

The REAL struggle is trying to get a male to commit before/without sex. I’ve noticed even below average males expect sex before anything else….

2022-03-16T19:52:00+00:00

I struggle finding men interesting beyond their physical appearance. For me looks aren’t everything, it gets my attention but does not make me want to stay

RealNiceLady · 2022-03-16T20:18:44+00:00

I struggle to get the kind of sex I want. Married sex. The sex that I don't want, casual sex, is unfortunately in big supply.

there's this stereotype that any girl can easily get laid (admittedly I believe this to be true) but I was just curious if this general belief is wrong.

I think it's wrong because the worst type of sex women can get, casual sex, is available to them, but they would never want it, and, if they had it, it would be devoid of pleasure and full of negative consequences both for them and other women. Whereas, the best case scenario, married sex in which both partners are virgins and grow together sexually, is hard for most women to get.

Gigamon2014 · 2022-03-17T01:24:11+00:00

Wait, what? I thought women were totally into sex `and dicks like men? Now all of a sudden you need relationships, safety and commitment for sex? Hmmm...

floralgirl2002 · 2022-03-16T21:27:00+00:00

no
not really

I honestly feel like I can have sex with almost any guy I want, so thats no issue. As far as getting good sex, I find I can mostly get that anytime I want aswell, guys really try to impress me and try to be as good as they can at sex when they have sex with me. Sometimes the guy will premature ejaculate but I give them a round two and they can usually last as long as they want when you give them round 2.

I feel like alot of the girls who claim most men are bad at sex etc, are having sex with men who arent attracted to them and dont care about impressing them and dont feel like putting in the effort, and dont care if they get to repeat etc. So its kind embarrassing when girls brag about that.

teamdeathmatch1787 · 2022-03-17T03:02:17+00:00

Do I struggle getting laid? If I really wanted to get laid and didn’t care about who it was with, not really. I could pay someone or ask a friend (mutual agreement than many of my friends and I have) or something like that, probably.

If I have (what I think are reasonable) standards? Yes, I struggle. I’m not conventionally attractive, don’t dress up or wear makeup, and don’t really go out of my way to get attention from men so getting laid with people I want to get laid with is difficult. To clarify, I say reasonable as in things I also personally posses (i.e relatively fit/not overweight, similar sexual preferences, cares about safe sex, preferably a couple of common interests/someone I get along with) so I don’t feel like I’m aiming out of my league.

Yes, I struggle having good sex. None of my partners have given me an orgasm, despite me giving all of them multiple. With most, the sex has been painful or uncomfortable. And it’s hard to find people who fit my preferences who want to sleep with me anyways so it’s often not worth the effort.

Bonus: Depends on who you ask. I can only tell you what’s more likely to get you laid with me/someone like me but:

Be relatively mature and responsible: I don’t want to worry about catching an STI and I don’t want to sleep with a child
Have a decent personality: be respectful, polite, don’t act entitled to sex, and just treat me like a person. If we have sex, cool. If not, I hope you enjoyed my company. Bonus points if we actually get along as friends but it’s not necessary as long as your personality isn’t a bunch of red flags.
Be reasonably attractive: Brush your teeth, shower semi-regularly, look approachable, a bit of confidence, and maybe workout once in a while

doMEaSOLid_reddit · 2022-03-17T05:51:04+00:00

I'm just here for the post....

shepskybuddy · 2022-03-17T08:18:43+00:00

Back when I was single I could have gotten sex easily. But I never felt comfortable having sex 2ith someone I don't know, I found it difficult to find someone who wanted to date for a while before having sex. I have friends who have struggled with this if they don't put out on date 1 the guy ghosts them, but they are like me and wouldn't be comfortable sleeping with someone they have only just met.

As for good sex again as I only tend to have sex when in a relationship it's not really been a problem as the guy is invested in me to some extent and keen to make it good.

2022-03-17T08:19:31+00:00

I don’t want to speak for all women but I’d wager most women have no interest in ”getting sex”. Women want a relationship or marriage and with that some might struggle, and any sex struggle would for women be a consequence of struggling with those because casual or premarital sex is not on the table. If anything women struggle with that everyone seems to want to have sex with them. We know that most if not all men would want to, thus it means nothing to us.

thoughtfulsoul10000 · 2022-03-17T17:25:17+00:00

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thoughtfulsoul10000 · 2022-03-17T17:55:23+00:00

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ClaraBow01 · 2022-03-20T03:12:40+00:00

I don’t know if I really apply to this. I’m 20 and a virgin. Never dated. I struggle to find relationships because I’m very shy and get exhausted a lot. I’m not really looking for sex specifically. I just would like to be in a long-term relationship with someone I love, which sex will eventually become involved. I don’t know if I have too high of standards, but most if not all men I meet don’t really interest me romantically or sexually. I’m fairly traditional personally so I might just be out of the loop. I have no bitter feelings tho.

gurgle77777 · 2022-03-16T18:33:13+00:00

I think there is a misunderstanding here. Some may want or seek sex, but many are not seeking out sex the way men are seeking out sex. So they have likely not ever ventured to find out if they can or can’t get sex (good or otherwise).

I can say though that while single, and willing to have hookups in my life, it certainly depended on who I was around and where I went as to the quality and availability of “the sex” in general, places where there was less opportunity to connecting before the hook up (ie clubs or bars) led to worse sex, but potentially easier sex. House parties or out with friends was much harder because when you know the other people there are high social consequences for hooking up with someone if your friends know their friends and probably their ex and so on. It also depends if how attractive you are in comparison with the other women in your friend group on that given evening and the attractiveness of the other women in the location.

Ultimately, trying to get sex is likely a bad approach and makes you come across as a rapist creeper. Your questions themselves seem a bit predatory.

BlockedAgainIGuess · 2022-03-16T19:42:09+00:00

“Sex” by itself is a ridiculous goal for a woman to have, unless she’s a physiological outlier who gets sexual satisfaction very easily, or has mental health issues that cause non-sexual-pleasure motivations for having sex. Women simply don’t get much out of “sex” by itself. In the context of a relationship it’s very different, even a FWB relationship, there is emotional connection, concern for one another’s experience, knowledge of each other’s bodies, etc. But one night stands are a stupid and dangerous waste of time for mentally healthy, genitally-average women. Not a goal to seek.

I am neither 1 nor 2 nor am I “neither”, I simply do not seek to have sex.

I could give a fuck if guys get laid more often lol here’s a tip: find another goal, girls will like you better if your life doesn’t revolve around getting your dick wet. Or stick your dick in lots of crazy, either one.

Need_wine · 2022-03-16T22:36:42+00:00

Was a later bloomer, I couldn’t give it away unless i wanted to go for creepy old men.

gammaJinx · 2022-03-16T22:43:23+00:00

If a woman struggles to get sex then something is seriously wrong with her

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sarkington · 2022-03-16T19:13:55+00:00

I did when I did nothing and had a shitty attitude/presentation. Lack of self awareness, thy name is youth!

briiiana1122 · 2022-03-16T21:42:17+00:00

When I was single, yes with 2. It can be fun / exciting to have sex with someone new, even if it’s just OK but ultimately it’s pretty rarely actually good.

NeilcollinsS · 2022-03-17T04:56:52+00:00

Lyvicious · 2022-03-17T10:31:40+00:00

I've never struggled to get sex because I've never tried to get sex. It has literally never occured to me to me to try to "get sex," and I don't walk around longing for sex.

I imagine if I were to try I'd find it very easy.

Drougen · 2022-03-17T17:18:27+00:00

Women never have to worry about getting sex if they want it unless they're way below average looking.

barefoot-soul · 2022-03-20T11:52:14+00:00

I'm in a relationship which I'm very glad because the dating market is scary but if I wasn't, I would struggle to get sex because of lack of social skills and some social awkwardness. Guys my age prefer girls that look foreign or very feminine/blonde/neotonous girls (think round face, neotonous features and so on).

SultanZanzibar · 2022-03-16T18:30:34+00:00

There's no such thing as "female loneliness" when any of them can download an app and get 50 matches in 1 hour if they want to.

Female so-called "loneliness" is an insult to the abysmal loneliness men suffer.

Title	Are there any women that feel like they struggle getting sex?
Author	thoughtfulsoul10000
Upvotes	52
Comments	222
Date	March 16, 2022 6:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/tfom4x/are_there_any_women_that_feel_like_they_struggle/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-there-any-women-that-feel-like-they-struggle.1107248 https://theredarchive.com/post/1107248

Comments

2 in my youth I had a difficult time finding a man who took time to fulfill my needs with the same energy I gave them or at all. I was also eager to please and that’s part of it.