If a husband claims “Ever since we had a kid, my wife cares less about me”, he’s automatically the problem in the relationship.

decoy88 · 2022-04-18T15:59:57+00:00

This it’s why it’s good to ask Clarifying Questions people!

Luckily, some people did. Here’s the guy’s response to why he thinks his wife treats him like shit.

We have had full blown arguments where once I made her specifically tell me why she disagrees with me, she actually completely agrees with what I said. Once I point out that we agree, she then tells me I didn't explain myself correctly. Si, I deserved her telling me I was wrong and starting an argument.

This is also known as The Narcissist’s Prayer

Her brain blocks out what actually comes out of my mouth.

She's literally stopped herself in the middle of correcting me after I've said something because half way through telling me how I'm wrong her brain will compute the words that were said.

I’ve met women like this and it’s fucking insane! They are too willing to shout “NO! YOU’RE WRONG!”automatically. If she does this, she is most definitely a bitch!

More examples after being asked “were there any red flags before getting married?”

Little things like never accepting they are wrong. When you're getting to know them, it looks like confidence and assertiveness. When they are trying to convince you that how you poured them a glass of water was wrong because it isn't how they would do it.... it's fucking psychotic and controlling.

More description.

She was and still is an amazing person. Politically, spiritually, financially, we are completely on the same page. We can go entire days having a blast. Laughing and being playful and light.

Then, something will just switch.

I'll do something completely harmless like leave the bathroom light on. It'll then turn into an entire ordeal where I don't understand our bills and how forgetful l am and how the light attracts bugs and she doesn't like the light on because of people seeing the light in the middle of the night... yeah.. just.. every reason under the sun as to how fucked up and why I should feel bad.

Wifey clearly has some fucking issues. She absolutely is a “bitch”. It’s no surprise to see someone anonymously expressing their frustrations on a sub called “OffMyChest”

Not all feelings are pretty or rational. No shit our spouses piss us off. Especially if you’re in a toxic relationship.

EDIT: this “missing” context took all of 10 seconds to look through the OP’s comments btw

sarkington · 2022-04-18T15:48:35+00:00

That post is all over the place. He states that she doesn’t care but the problem is apparently that she cares too much about what he’s doing and how he’s doing it

I dunno; he’s not blaming the kids enough for me to think he’s shit. All else are plausible changes in her behavior; suspicious but not conclusive enough for a YTA verdict

And if he’s going to call his wife a bitch, he’s at least doing it in the right sub

Big_Dick_Capitalist · 2022-04-18T13:11:52+00:00

Everytime a FDS harpie post black/white shit like this I just wonder what's the damn point. No, basing your argument on a Sandman video is not valid, it's stupid as fuck.

If a relationship is strained both involved is probably causing it. Losing perspective relationsship-wise is a sure fire way to destroy the relationship.

FineDevelopment00 · 2022-04-18T14:12:14+00:00

“Maybe there’s context missing.” It’s their job to give context and they didnt. Just that “my wife went from perfect to became bitch because of our children.” And they don’t even provide examples of what the wife did that’s so awful and bitchy of her.

I bet it was “Can you stop playing video games and take care of your son for once”?

I agree that there are many situations like the one you've outlined in the above snippet, situations in which the guy is a lazy partner and father and then wonders why his gal is burnt-out.

However, there also exist situations in which the gal falls into the current toxic parenting paradigm of making the kid(s) into the center of the universe while neglecting the very relationship that produced the kid(s.) More on that here.

Neither of the two is healthy and conducive to raising well-adjusted people.

SylvestorTalone · 2022-04-18T12:32:43+00:00

You believe the husband is automatically the problem no matter what the circumstances, so including all the nonsense about whatever excuse you're using to justify it this time was moot.

The_Meep_Lord · 2022-04-18T12:41:25+00:00

Why is it when a man takes issue with his wife’s actions, they try gaslighting him, yet when a wife takes issue with her husband’s actions, its valid?

techr0nin · 2022-04-18T12:39:32+00:00

I don’t think treating your spouse with love and respect is mutually exclusive to being there for your children. And even if time is limited and money is tight, if you think your spouse need some extra attention, you should make the extra effort for some quality 1-on-1 time.

This is just marriage 101 stuff.

Stunning-Spirit5275 · 2022-04-18T12:45:21+00:00

this is why you go for marriage counselling BEFORE you get married. the therapist makes you face these realities long before they turn into abandonment issues

Initial_Chemical7121 · 2022-04-18T16:27:50+00:00

If he’s a shitty father too, yes. If you have a great husband, then there’s no reason to act like that. If he provides and helps with the kids, the least you could do is be kind, and intimate with him. However if he doesn’t help with the kids at all… never fucking touch him again and take him for all he’s got if he cheats.

briiiana1122 · 2022-04-18T16:33:42+00:00

There are a few scenarios.

The obvious ones are:

The added stress of a kid is obviously a strain on the relationship. Being a team is absolutely key in keeping the household and everyone in it happy, there is no formula for that that’s just a single input. If it’s only one person trying to make a relationship work, obviously it’s not going to.

There are also the living breathing 90s sitcom stereotype dudes who are essentially an additional child in the house. I’d be a massive bitch if my partner turned out to be one of those people once there was an additional being to care for at the level a new baby needs.

wtknight · 2022-04-18T12:31:19+00:00

Would women be happy if their partners found sex from somewhere else so that he stops complaining? Of course, she can always leave him of that bothers her, but if he’s putting any work in at all helping her raise the child, then that makes things even harder on her trying to raise a child alone.

I think it’s important for men and women to come to some kind of compromise on this in order to preserve their marriage or relationship, meaning that they should find some way to preserve romance in their relationship, even if it means going as far as occasionally finding a sitter or a family member to watch children while spending romantic time together. Just automatically blaming men for all post-children relationship problems isn’t going to do much for ensuring good relations between the genders.

DraconianDebate · 2022-04-18T12:46:21+00:00

Having kids doesn't absolve you of your duties as a spouse, regardless of whatever strawman you present.

Jacke766565 · 2022-04-18T12:36:50+00:00

Lol, kiterally marriage and kids will only get you an angry, post-wall negging harpy and the whole world calling you misogynist if you dare to think you deserve a slight drop of intimacy for the commitment.

Be a sociopathic badboy, be useless to society, frequent the gym, hop on steroids which will later give you health problems beta taxpayers will pay for, bang feminist whores in the club, and you live a heavenly life.

Why do feminists incentivize sociopathic, egoistic behavior so much? In Scandinavian countries the former guy can literally murder or rape someone and live a luxurious life in their "prisons" while beta Sven's will pay for everything

bluestjuice · 2022-04-18T15:22:28+00:00

1.) If a guy straight-up says the quote in the thread title, I’m going to have some pointed questions about his read of the situation.

2.) It is possible for there to be more than one problem in a relationship.

3.) Parenting is hard, yo. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

4.) Teamwork.

Psychological_Wear_7 · 2022-04-18T12:22:19+00:00

Less sex will happen, less time with each other happen, more stress will occur.

Thanks for debunking your entire post. Now you understand why they complain

Damn that was easy

AelfredRex · 2022-04-18T17:57:59+00:00

If a man is competing with his child for attention, then he's a child himself.

Slyfer_Seven · 2022-04-18T13:27:36+00:00

If you don't have the time and energy to maintain the relationship with your partner AND care for a child... Don't have kids

Simple as that, right?

2022-04-18T22:09:03+00:00

Yeah this is why people should seek marriage counselling for such problems rather than just going to Reddit, some people don’t handle the stress of having kids well and that can impact the mother and fathers relationship

masterofbrokendreams · 2022-04-18T12:35:30+00:00

Just because you have a kid doesn't mean you don't have to be a wife also.

EmptyVisage · 2022-04-18T12:56:26+00:00

Love is not a zero sum game. There is absolutely no excusing neglecting your partner when you have kids, because that is the time when you both need support more than ever. Raising kids is hard, and often new parents end up putting too much time into their kids and not enough time into making sure each other are coping. Being neglected in a relationship is a completely valid complaint and you're being ridiculous.

IHaveSalesQuestions · 2022-04-18T14:14:55+00:00

I love how you admittedly don’t have any context yet you automatically assume the worst and all men are bad.

pearllovespink · 2022-04-18T14:58:39+00:00

It shows that they’re in competition with their child which is weird. They want more attention than their own kid.

ruboyuri · 2022-04-18T16:42:31+00:00

I can’t wait until men can get pregnant or at least have their own babies. Then all this whining would stop

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-04-18T14:36:07+00:00

Honestly it sounds like his wife if likely being over touched by their children and then doesn’t want any intimate touch. This isn’t surprising and is a sign the father should be doing more active parenting to alleviate the problem.

Radiohead108 · 2022-04-18T13:20:27+00:00

Ah ok. So men are automatically the problem even though you have no actual idea whats going on in those posts by your own admission. Typically the guy has to fulfill both roles of parents at least in my experience and then make sure all the wife's needs are met too. Judging from your interpretation you just don't care about your male partner whatsoever and have been watching too many sitcoms where the man is some bumbling moron who can barely dress himself in the morning. I've lived through all kinds of abuse from women over the years while I sat there changing the diaper, cleaning, cooking, picking out an outfit for junior to wear while she sits on her unemployed ass drinking wine watching some stupid show on Netflix after I got off a 12 to 16 hour shift.

Do better

Few_Engineer4237 · 2022-04-18T14:20:02+00:00

you’re definitely one of the nagging bitches lmao

Taipanshimshon · 2022-04-18T13:31:35+00:00

Sounds like the parent is blaming the other parent not the kid.

Good to know you can't read.

Puzzleheaded-Lab-165 · 2022-04-18T16:42:01+00:00

After first child, no more oral because she believed I would rape our children. The trigger was I fell asleep putting our child to bed and she freaked out and I woke up with her grabbing me by my dick to feel if I was erect. I was fully cloth, no erection, and asleep with child next to me. I was working two jobs so naturally very tired. Wife turned into a starfish during sex after first was born. I resented her for this while she thought I was going to get rape out kids. She never let me change the diapers and I was glad not to. I think one of her sick girlfriends who was jealous of us put it in her mind that all men rape their children. It was a key contributor that destroyed our marriage. Many of my male friends said someday I would make a good house wife because I helped around the house because I was trying to make our marriage work.

ChessClubChick · 2022-04-18T18:26:00+00:00

It’s refreshing to occasionally read a fair, even handed, carefully considered, rational argument without a shred of sexist hatred on here. Rare, but refreshing.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-04-19T02:54:24+00:00

Thank you for bringing the phrase "gynocentric vaginasty" into my life. I am dying.

PutthegundownRobby · 2022-04-19T20:33:47+00:00

Those guys are self-centered and immature. They weren't ready to be parents and are not letting the experience help them to grow up and realize that life isn't just about self-satisfaction. This very shit leads to most divorces.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-04-18T20:23:46+00:00

Yep. The biggest issue to me here is IT’S YOUR KID JUST AS MUCH AS HERS. If you cared about your child half as much as she does and did a fraction of the parenting, you wouldn’t see your own child as competition. The stress of having kids and inevitable parenting disagreements can certainly cause some fights and strain in a relationship. But if a man is jealous/resentful of his own child, that’s an issue with him as a parent.

Bikerbats · 2022-04-18T17:46:26+00:00

Feelings of loneliness and resentment are as normal for a new father as it is for a new mother to question her attractiveness going forward. In healthy people, in healthy relationships, both of those feelings should be fleeting and transient. Maybe in a perfect world with perfect people, no one ever feels any of those things, but it's not a perfect world, and we're not perfect people.

I think you'd be shocked at just how many of those "bitter and narcissistic" guys aren't. They're just young guys struggling to adapt to (radical) change, and that happens; not everyone adapts with the same aplomb. However, most will adapt just fine.

I can still remember conversations with my infant son that he still hasn't responded to: How can you sleep for 20hrs a day and still keep two adults awake 24/7? What sorcery is this? How do you know to cry if I even think about touching your mother? Why do you hate me like that?

None of those feelings existed when my daughter was born. Why? I'd been through it once, and I knew what to expect. When I felt lonely and untouched, I knew it would pass, whereas with my son, a part of me was scared to death that was what life was going to be like from that point on.

TL;DR, you judge men too harshly for perfectly normal feelings that all new fathers have to work through.

trolltaskforce · 2022-04-18T12:42:05+00:00

He should just divorce you. Being a good mother doesn’t mean you are a good wife.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-04-18T14:13:23+00:00

Having children is exhausting and it’s very easy to let things slide in a relationship

Both side need to work at keeping it going, if only one is or neither it won’t work.

We have found date night once a week has done wonders for our marriage. Most of the time we don’t leave the house, we dress up have a nice meal or watch a film or play a game. Most of the time it leads to sex.

Sex helps to keep us feeling connected, date night is good to see each other looking our best

gate18 · 2022-04-18T18:06:32+00:00

I listened to 3 minutes of the video.

We, humans, aren't good at logical thinking. Especially when logical thinking would prevent us from hearing what we want to hear.

A 50 y/o has a shitty relationship, hence "ya'll don't get married"
A 50 y/o falls off a bike, hence "ya'll don't use a bike"

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-04-18T15:29:58+00:00

Shows me you know nothing about men.

hairy_bamboo · 2022-04-18T15:35:23+00:00

Posted 3 hours ago, 0 upvotes. Lilith, the crowd has spoken xD

LotBuilder · 2022-04-18T16:22:51+00:00

You have to live it to understand. It has nothing to do with the child and how much we love the child and more to do with how wives completely transform and you go from first place in their life to number 7 or 8.
I don’t envy women for the amount of anxiety and guilt they take on as mothers but most don’t handle it well.

redditcleanslate · 2022-04-18T20:12:12+00:00

Man bad, woman good. got it.

I would make a case that moms who become sacraficial martyrs for their children are some of the worst people out there, but they would nail themselves to the cross while accusing me of misogyny or something.

Of course, their children don't respect all those sacrafices, because, they are kids. A lot of moms get pretty bitter when that happens. I'm pretty sure thats how you create a Karen

YouBanAway · 2022-04-18T14:11:56+00:00

Women never really loved men — outside of the few extremely attractive ones, but even they are disposable (just look at how many high status men get cheated on or divorce raped — Brad Pitt, Will Smith, Scottie Pippen etc).

Women have just done this little deceptive song and dance, because it's part of their mating nature to ensure commitment (when it benefits the woman), male investment (primarily leveraging emotional/mental manipulation), reproduction, and resource acquisition.

It's just human nature. We are all animals, and we all behave under primal instincts and impulses.

cryptothrow2 · 2022-04-18T15:58:37+00:00

I just knew it was you once I saw the title.

She got married to the husband, not the child. Yes there's a period where children can't take care of themselves, but emotional abandonment means by the time there's an empty nest or just adult children, there's nothing in common because the couples have drifted away. And why lots of women are unhappy when the man retires and spends more time at home.

Men want to be desired, not tolerated

If they separate even when all the kids are young and need attention, the new guy (probably the biological father with the way things are going won't hear any of this). This is what you get for not being a traditional man. Co-parenting and helping with traditionally female chores only help with a textbook "good" straight feminist. Every other woman apparently goes dry.

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TermAggravating8043 · 2022-04-18T14:09:41+00:00

It’s not often I 100% agree on this sub but totally right

cuckedalt · 2022-04-18T14:14:40+00:00

She used to be fun and cool and loving. But, once that ring got on her and we had a kid, she didn't give a fuck about me any more.

It's kinda muddled but sounds like he is saying that it started upon marriage

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-04-18T12:27:29+00:00

Not always no

NoOne_143 · 2022-04-18T14:27:32+00:00

Dumbhead

Itmfl2000 · 2022-04-18T16:17:05+00:00

The problem is when a woman shows up in her early thirties and dupes a man into committing within a year or two, that level of entitlement is awful and what drives naive men upset and bitter when the kids come.

Court her for 2 years and take 20 years of commitment. Yes, men want to commit but that courtship:commitment ratio is debilitating.

How about this idea, how about both men and women commit to each other for at least 5+ years and then have kids.

YveisGrey · 2022-04-18T22:05:38+00:00

I agree while I do think it’s important to foster your marriage even after kids it’s also important to recognize that kids will take up some time and attention away from it. It used to be that people married to have kids and raise them, it was an act based on duty and selflessness now it’s all me me me…

Title	If a husband claims “Ever since we had a kid, my wife cares less about me”, he’s automatically the problem in the relationship.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	0
Comments	303
Date	April 18, 2022 12:13 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/u6bpfz/if_a_husband_claims_ever_since_we_had_a_kid_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-a-husband-claims-ever-since-we-had-a-kid-my.1112191 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112191

Comments

This it’s why it’s good to ask *Clarifying Questions* people!

This it’s why it’s good to ask Clarifying Questions people!