Is it really this complicated?

saint-g · 2022-07-02T18:38:02+00:00

Leave this place while your mind is still intact.

RearwindowPinecone · 2022-07-02T17:13:01+00:00

yes and no,woman has a physical attraction threshold(mostly about height and face),if you pass that,you have a chance with her,more physically attractive youre,the dating is less complicated for you

tired_hillbilly · 2022-07-02T17:31:29+00:00

The better looking you are, and the more-naturally-extroverted you are, the less complicated it is.

KayRay1994 · 2022-07-02T17:27:47+00:00

Its more complicated than simply taking care of yourself, being decent and having good mannerisms, but it isn’t nearly as complicated as a lot of these pages make it seem to be.

I find that the most complicated bits are exposure, frequency and confidence (and mind you, by confidence i mean being the best version of yourself possible) - figure those out along with the 3 mentioned above and you’ll start creating and finding yourself in all kinds of opportunities

-angels-fan- · 2022-07-02T17:27:09+00:00

This reads like you're telling clinically depressed people to "just be happy! Just wake up each morning and think of one good thing in your life! It's easy!!"

Without knowing how crippling the current grind is for men, your "it's easy" platitudes come off as entitled and full of pretty people privilege.

Like, yeah, good looking people love to come in here and proclaim that they don't struggle with dating, so it MUST be that men's struggling are misogynists and if they'd only respect women, they'd have a literal harem of women.

It doesn't work like that.

NSA_PR_DPRTMNT · 2022-07-02T17:58:42+00:00

Most people I know are either in a relationship or have been in the recent past so it can't be that complicated. Granted, this does not include me, who has never been in a relationship. But then I've never made an attempt.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-07-02T19:22:15+00:00

Yes and no, there is some good advice and things like that sprinkled around this group but don't take it too seriously or just get consumed in it

gabishes · 2022-07-02T20:05:43+00:00

it is that simple, it’s just that some people believe that their behavior allows them to be entitled to a date. you’ll do just fine

2022-07-02T19:47:57+00:00

This is a poison subreddit. I would take everything you read here with a grain of salt. Lots of bitterness on here.

Magnito-was-right · 2022-07-02T20:24:25+00:00

My best advice is to take an art class in college. That was the only class that I made a ton of friends and a guy I dated. Everyone is more relaxed and open to being playful. Or an acting class too. People aren’t as focused at trying to learn and be serious. More connections can be made.

801735 · 2022-07-02T21:28:26+00:00

But all these posts are making me wonder, is it really that complicated?

It's really not, but people are bored and don't live real lives, so they complicate simple things in hope of being able to make it all the way to the evening( or early morning or later), when the knock out of the sleep saves them from themselves until they wake up.

figuringMylife · 2022-07-02T18:15:13+00:00

you’re right. it’s not this complicated. this is the dumb part of the internet.

Clean-Huckleberry750 · 2022-07-02T18:12:53+00:00

oof the nervousness this place is giving you is only going to make things harder like a self fulfilling prophecy. try to wipe it all from your memory and go forth with your positive attitude

Mammoth-Top-6983 · 2022-07-02T17:20:13+00:00

Don’t worry my boy this sub is just Roleplay if you’re fit can speak clearly and dress well you’ll be fine I’m not saying you’ll get every girl you want because that’s not possible but as long as you improve yourself daily 1% you’ll be fine

TotalTravesty · 2022-07-02T17:20:07+00:00

No, it’s not this complicated. Reddit attracts STEMmy hyper-“intellectuals” who like to turn everything into a complex problem with a formulaic solution that can apply in every use case.

Of course, because humans are so complex, the lack of an easy one-size-fits-all solutions makes them dig deeper into their analytical instincts when they should just be more practical and accept that there’s no formula that’s going to get them out of this.

purplish_possum · 2022-07-02T21:10:35+00:00

It's not complicated at all.

Just be hot.

Physical-Pie748 · 2022-07-02T22:04:17+00:00

no. its easy, understand this: if you have money status good height (over 6 feet) and good face full head of hair, its easy. if you dont have one of these things i just wrote, it will be harder for you. but for marriages, noone of these things matter. i see it all the time, handsome rich guys get divorced/treated like garbage in their marriages. but for casual dating, the things i wrote do matter. for marriage, not so much. keep your options open, dont marry. thats my opinion about this topic. but you didnt ask about opinions about marriage so i wont wrote more about it.

ThymeForEverything · 2022-07-03T03:31:29+00:00

If you're still young, get out of the entire internet before you catch autism. Make good choices (be kind, avoid drugs and crime, don't sleep around or watch porn), have hobbies, learn things, stay active and eat well and you'll be fine

Bobbyjets · 2022-07-03T06:08:53+00:00

It's definitely possible to get into a loving relationship without worrying about the topics discussed in this sub. This sub discusses the base desires and motivation that the majority of people have, it certainly isn't the place to find out about successful long term relationships.

Not everyone is controlled by their base desires and not everyone has the same base desires. The majority of what you would learn on this sub many people already understand, and the rest can be learned from experience. Just realize that you are good enough and many people are after what you bring to the table

Be careful how much trust you put in your partner though, as they might not feel as infatuated

chalkandapples · 2022-07-02T19:58:21+00:00

Most people I know in my life had relationships come easily and naturally to them. They just live life and relationships just happen, just like growing old.

Most people here had something happen to them that made them really want to disect relationships and isn't the healthiest place to be because there's a lot of venting. I recommend leaving here and trying life out normally first.

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2022-07-02T17:21:10+00:00

Yea it’s pretty complicated. Men can’t fit majority of women’s standards want. The men who can are wanted by alot of women, meaning those men play the field a lot of the time.

Vtridolla · 2022-07-02T17:34:56+00:00

Everything is easy to someone and impossible for others.

Depends who you ask, this crowd is usually hurt and jaded, and not to fond of romance.

Longjumping_Mud7294 · 2022-07-02T20:52:42+00:00

One phrase; ask and listen. I see young men prancing about in front of women, trying to be funny, trying to be edgy, trying to impress. The best way to impress a woman is to take a genuine interest in her, her hopes and dreams. Because most young men will see her as a sex vessel to try and lure into bed.

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trail22 · 2022-07-02T17:13:55+00:00

You never know until you get out there. There are a lot of factors. People will say the guiys who do fine are average or the guys who do horrubly are normal.

At the end of the day everyone is tryign their best but some people realize that through self improvement they do fine and others realize it doesnt help.

Life is a voyage and realizng what the real world is and having you dreams run up againt reality is growing up.

Obj3ctivePerspective · 2022-07-02T19:51:20+00:00

Dating is a game of luck where the numbers simply aren't in your favor. Play the game enough you may win. But you'll also probably lose a lot. It'll heavily depend on many factors depending on the type of person you are chasing. Location, age, looks, personality, income, free time. You may have all and certain people may still not want to date you for one reason or another. Experience is the greatest teacher. Just go out there and see for yourself

wtknight · 2022-07-02T20:09:41+00:00

I think that, at least for some men, learning to attract women is kind of complicated. However, I think that it's a skill that any guy can pick up with self-improvement and practice and that it's a mistake to give up and stop trying.

Magnito-was-right · 2022-07-02T20:16:45+00:00

I would never accept a date from a stranger. I would have to be around them more before deciding if I wanted to date them.

Puzzleheaded-Lab-165 · 2022-07-02T21:26:26+00:00

It is extremely easy to talk to a woman, get to know her, have a serious relationship, ask her if she is full filed and needs anything else from you, and you go to work while she is cheating on you behind your back. It is probably lack of communication or immaturity on my behalf.

hdksndiisn · 2022-07-02T22:22:14+00:00

It’s easy until it isn’t, or when it isn’t. Which you’ll learn. Useless trying to explain. Keep your head up. Don’t think too much about it. I recommend staying far away from PPD, TRP, any and all dating advice.

Just live your life and be sociable. Stay active physically. Do what you love. Pursue respectfully and in a fun way whoever you’re interested in. Don’t let rejection bring you down - it’s not anything wrong with you, you’re just not compatible with that person for whatever reason. Be confident with your masculinity/sexuality. Be you. Don’t act any sorta way to get laid. Be open to rejecting women. Learn what you want and go after it. Good luck!

2022-07-02T22:34:19+00:00

No, it's not that complicated.

If you have no dating experience please don't poison your brain with this crap. I come here to laugh at idiots because I have the experience to know they're morons and their bullshit doesn't affect me.

odd_cloud · 2022-07-03T00:47:24+00:00

It’s difficult for some people and easy for others.

Generally, I’d say that having good manners and being a decent human being does not always help you with romantic success. I mean other factors as your appearance height and income matter more.

GrandEmperorThrawn · 2022-07-03T06:05:03+00:00

I think there many who thought as you did and failed. The red pill originated from collective knowledge of these failures. If you are successful dating without this knowledge, you’ve probably internalized the lessons that others need to be taught and here to discuss.

If you stay, remember to learn the lessons of others and put this knowledge into practice for yourself; don’t fear it and don’t let it dissuade from being a good person. Always remember that men and women are complimentary to each other’s lives and the goal of everyone is - or should be - to build successful and healthy relationships; ignore that which seems contrary or antithetical to this goal based on your own experience or reason.

nedinator3000 · 2022-07-03T11:23:59+00:00

There’s alot of truth to this stuff and it’s very interesting. That being said this place isn’t needed. Try your luck first. If you fail and become an incel come one back and we’ll be waiting lol

Slight_Fig5187 · 2022-07-02T18:18:26+00:00

This is a terrible place to go for dating advice I promise. You dont want to be jaded before you have even started.

FireGodGoesSeeknFire · 2022-07-02T19:02:00+00:00

For some people the answer is a genuine "probably not" It's a small fraction of society but obviously they are disproportionately attracted to a forum where they can vent anonymously

Then there is another level above that who would be marginally successful with your strategy but it would involve finding their way through some psychological pain.

For example, they will have to settle for someone they previously might have mocked. Their subconscious doesn't miss the implication that this implies they are mockworthy even if they repress it.

Also wi have to take risks, commit to routines and execute on their plans. Few people realize how cowardly, lazy and flakey they are until they are put to the test. The test hurts, venting on Reddit instead feels good (at least in the moment)

ruboyuri · 2022-07-02T17:27:03+00:00

Nope

The people here are frustrated men and women in relationships

Everyone one else is arguing on Twitter, gossiping on Facebook, flirting on LinkedIn, gaming on Discord and making content for TikTok/Instagram

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-07-02T19:04:20+00:00

It is not this hard.

The 'trick' is to meet women where women are. There are many great places to meet women but usually it is not at their work, unless you work there too and are just getting to know each other slowly.

I'm talking about meeting women at their hobby places with DANCING being the absolutely best opportunity and usually totally overlooked too because men think that somehow they're 'degrading' themselves by going dancing. Usually it's just insecurity because they fear they can't move or will take forever to learn the steps. But it is very much intelligence- and body- building to dance, whether it is street dances, latin dances or line dancing.

If dancing is not your thing and you're still going to college then you should join the clubs where the girls are at. Get into their hobbies. You might benefit from it on a personal level and while at it you are likely to meet quite a few girls in a secure setting.

It is not this hard, but sure, a part of the young population seems paralysed with fear of talking to each other. At some point hormones will drive them out and about. Or not and that's fine too. The Earth is overpopulated, I'm not really worried about people not having enough sex.

Intelligent-Term · 2022-07-02T17:46:34+00:00

It all depends on what you want. I'd advise all young men not to get married until they know what the divorce and child custody/support laws are. I would like to save them that horror if at all possible. Take it from someone who got the sharp end of a broken broomstick shoved up his poop chute.

If you want to just have fun and casual sex, or even have one intimate partner...wrap it up or make damn sure you have a strong pull out game. Or have some other form of birth control.

AelfredRex · 2022-07-02T17:38:36+00:00

It's not. Just have patience, stay chill and it'll happen. Go out, dig on the ladies, see who digs you back.

Redpill is built on making men think they will never be adequate enough for women just to keep them in the cult.

Slight_Fig5187 · 2022-07-02T20:40:58+00:00

Why would you ask strangers for their numbers? Wouldn’t you rather date people you share common interests and experiences with?

Tittysmores · 2022-07-02T22:12:49+00:00

Any average dickhead can get laid, find a partner, get married, have kids, have a harem, whatever floats their boat. Problems arise when they over analyze it, or don't think they deserve it. If ur one of those bottom of the barrel types, emphasize sincerity and play the volume game. Helps if u actually like who you are pursuing and don't view girls as just a means to nut too.

Mogu__ · 2022-07-02T18:56:01+00:00

Get in shape, find a hairstyle that fits you well, get a haircut like every 2-4 weeks MAX (even if not lowering the top a lot), maintain hygiene (brush teeth, wash face, shower, wear deodorant, cologne, etc), & learn to talk through experience. Most important thing for a man in dating is experience. You’ll learn not only how to talk to women & what they generally like but most importantly what YOU like. Be confident, be funny, be chill, learn to lead conversations but also listen, be passionate about something & have the ability to express that passion. And don’t ever bring up sex straight away unless it’s that setting or she’s initiating & she’s into it.

Depending on who you are this all sounds achievable, near your current reality, or a distant dream. But this is a general baseline I’d say that overwhelmingly MOST men can hit and those who do hit it shouldn’t struggle too much when it comes to dating. As a 20 year old who hits all of these, & is only 5’8, the only reason I’m not in a relationship rn is cause I haven’t found a girl who meets MY standards and what I want. But talking, getting nudes, casual sex, etc is all very simple.

Keep in mind there’s no set “time” for a relationship. If/When you get to a point like me you may realize that most girls aren’t relationship material for you personally. And a lack of “options” won’t be why you’re not in one. But for now I’d say not to overthink it & realize you should do all of these things regardless of if you’re pursuing women or not. At the end of the day you come first & a woman’s opinion about you shouldn’t be how you validate your worth. Nor should you drop to any asshole woman’s level & let a bad experience make you bitter towards all other women. Because at the end of the day sure, a lot of girls won’t date a short guy, an ugly guy, a non confident guy, etc. But the one guy NO girl will date is a bitter one.

Mind125 · 2022-07-02T19:13:29+00:00

It’s not complicated. But the rules aren’t explicit. It’s a social class thing. You’ll see soon enough.

pop442 · 2022-07-02T21:28:51+00:00

This subreddit is basically a parody of itself and basically exists now to fuel pointless gender wars and blaming other people for their problems.

It's like a Republican vs Democrat political debate. Neither side is truly interested in solutions or reaching a common goal. People just love to point fingers, shit post, and troll 50% of the time.

Now, to answer your question, the best thing you can do is to know your pros and cons as someone in the dating market. And to do your best to either strengthen your pros and lessen your cons.

Granted, some cons such as short height, ugly face, etc. can't be redeemed. But there's other things such as physique, grooming, fashion, hygiene, making money, getting involved in social settings/clubs, etc. to improve your competitive advantage in dating.

But it'll take some work depending on how attractive you are. If you're average like the run of the mill guy, then try your best to make yourself competitive in dating.

Overall, though, if you're not hideous, hooking up with girls on say....college campuses isn't a hard feat at all. You can hook up with a girl just off of perfect timing or going to the right places at parties, clubs, bars, concerts, social events, etc. Now, as an adult, things become more of an adventure but one thing that'll help is having a clear goal and purpose that benefits you.

Having a good job and/or your own place alone will give you a certain level of confidence in your 20's that trying to fake the funk won't. If you don't have that, though, you can still gain more confidence from self-improving your appearance, social skills, hobbies, etc.

Regardless if you become a casanova or not, the key thing is to make sure your propelling yourself in life.

bbpoizon · 2022-07-02T21:36:26+00:00

It’s hard if you: move to a new place and work remotely, use primarily online dating, aren’t interested in hanging out with randos to make new friends, live in an isolated place that doesn’t have a lot of options, aren’t financially stable, require a lot of alone time, and have very little free time. Most of the outgoing/attractive people I know that are still single, usually check off one or more of these boxes.

ReklessS0ul · 2022-07-02T23:21:54+00:00

It's less complicated than people on this sub make it out to be, but more difficult than you are probably anticipating it to be, at least in terms of maintaining a good relationship with someone.

ass-thetics · 2022-07-03T00:23:02+00:00

Is it complicated? Yes. Will their be things you dislike, find unfair, don't understand? Yes. Welcome to life. Get on with it.

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2022-07-03T00:32:25+00:00

My recommendation is to go out there and try it first. If you get exasperated then try this place for some answers. RedPill content seems likes something you need to have some experiences and context before you dive into.

But be careful out there…

Flvxvry · 2022-07-03T00:34:39+00:00

Its not that complicated if you meet right people, well, if you meet wrong people then it could potentially be infinitely complicated. Most problems come from generalizing, impatience, stereotypes etc. But if both people are willing to figure stuff on their own and be good to each other, then this process is very easy.

Slight_Fig5187 · 2022-07-03T01:09:48+00:00

Yes to the part about looks, manners etc. No to the part about walking to somebody and asking their number; cold approaches like that don't usually work.

abaxeron · 2022-07-03T02:53:41+00:00

could you not possibly get into a relationship if you just take care of yourself, have good manners and are just in general a decent human being and like idk, walk up to someone ask them for their number in a nice way and through that get to know them better and see if you’re compatible?

"Possibly" yes, nothing is guaranteed tho.

You can meet the love of your life from the first try. Or you can face 2000 instant rejections in a row. And you should be ready for the latter and not let them break you mentally.

You can get to know her better and see if you're compatible, or she may milk you of seven dinners before suddenly deciding that no, you aren't. And the next one might do the same. And the one after her. And the one after her. And the one after her. And all of them may say "let's stay friends", which means that they'll occasionally insist on borrowing your car for free. Unlike the first scenario with 2000 rejections, this part will cost you progressively more money with each "failure".

Flintblood · 2022-07-03T03:51:16+00:00

It’s not about getting into a relationship but keeping one. Or for many men the choice may be how to keep dating without having to define a relationship and be someone’s emotional support system 24/7.

TomBerwick1984 · 2022-07-03T13:28:21+00:00

IMO this place is for people with dating experience, who like to argue.

Please leave, so that it doesn't warp your view of dating and relationships.

'Both sides' tend to talk in extremes, IMO. I find it fun, sometimes informative, but IMO the reality of dating and relationships doesn't fit into the blue pill/mainstream, red pill or black pill.

The best advice IMO is looksmaxx (minus cosmetic surgery) and learn to have good communication skills (including conflict resolution skills). Then you'll likely do fine as long as you are at least averagely attractive.

Synovexh001 · 2022-07-03T13:54:33+00:00

I'll give you my angle.

I was born into a feminist household with an emotionally unstable older sister who had permission to use me as her punching bag. The two combined to make a really militant, dogmatic believer out of me, and I was really determined to follow all the rules women demanded and actually BE the kind of man that women say men are supposed to be.

I wasn't short or fat or shy, I was (I think) good looking, smart, funny, honest, etc. I thought I was a catch and I'd have an easy time in romance, but all the good qualities in the world mean squat when wrapped around a core of "if women hurt you just shut the fuck up and let women hurt you but don't you DARE fight back, cuz gender equality" then it's pretty much a loser's game. Having that in your heart will make you more repulsive to women than being a bonafide abuser. I wish that was an exaggeration.

If I'd snapped my tether early, knocked out my sister's lights and resolved to be 'just like all the other guys' without regret, I'd be just another example of one of the guys saying 'it's so easy brah just be yourself brah see it works for me therefore it works brah'.

I wasn't short or fat or shy, I was (I think) good looking, smart, funny, honest, etc. I thought I was a catch and I'd have an easy time in romance, but all the good qualities in the world mean squat when wrapped around a core of "if women hurt you just shut the fuck up and let women hurt you but don't you DARE fight back, cuz gender equality" then it's pretty much a loser's game. Having that in your heart will make you more repulsive to women than being a bonafide abuser. I wish that was an exaggeration.

ex_red_black_piller · 2022-07-04T10:48:08+00:00

>Like could you not possibly get into a relationship if you just take care of yourself, have good manners and are just in general a decent human being and like idk, walk up to someone ask them for their number in a nice way and through that get to know them better and see if you’re compatible?

Not if you want any consistent success.

Title	Is it really this complicated?
Author	Marshall_davout
Upvotes	38
Comments	224
Date	July 2, 2022 5:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vpwbh5/is_it_really_this_complicated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-really-this-complicated.1121695 https://theredarchive.com/post/1121695

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