Do you think your boyfriend truly cares about you?

ohdiddly · 2022-07-05T06:09:22+00:00

Absolutely. Most men aren’t sociopaths.

Beanicus13 · 2022-07-05T06:07:02+00:00

Definitely. I am trying to live up to how good he is to me.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-07-05T06:43:31+00:00

My husband loves me I would bet money on it.

When I had cancer he didn’t bail he looked after me, when I couldn’t have sex for 7 months he didn’t complain once.

We each take an interest in each other’s insurers take time out to do nice things for each other.

We love spending time together even if we are skint and exhausted just chilling watching tv together

That__EST · 2022-07-05T14:44:40+00:00

I think this is interesting because you never know until you are there. I would say a similar metric applies to finding out who your friends really are in times of trouble.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-07-05T07:10:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Lysa_Bell · 2022-07-05T06:18:35+00:00

He cared half his life for his dying mother. He said he'd do the same for me if it came to that. He wouldn't say something like this if he didn't mean it.

If I was diagnosed with a terminal disease I would break up with him though. I'm not making him go through this trauma twice in his life. I love him too much to have him watch me rot away.

EulenWatcher · 2022-07-05T06:41:58+00:00

My husband does care about me. When I'm sick, he cooks for me, brings me meds, cuddles me etc. When I'm down, he tries to cheer me up. These things are so basic and common that I'm rather surprised I even have to list them. When I was seriously down and exhausted all the time, he still was there for me. Fortunately, I haven't gone through anything seriously medically-wise, but I'm pretty sure he'd stick with me in such situation as well.

It's a two-sided coin though. With the exception for abusive situations where a victim isn't well mentally due to the abuse, I'm not sure why women stay with men who don't care for them. I guess it's the mix of things like low self-esteem, fear of loneliness, sometimes the belief that all men are like this and/or that it's better to have at least this guy than nothing etc. I've seen it a lot among my mother's generations and older. They seem to have a lack of decent men and lots of women had to do with what they had at that time. I think the situation got significantly better these days though, more women choose to leave men like this and there seem to be more decent men than before.

2022-07-05T14:56:38+00:00

Yes. This is bizarre to me. Does your boyfriend not ask you for book recommendations? Does he not cook with you? Does he not love the songs you both jam out to?

How sad is this post.

Marzipan-Happy · 2022-07-05T06:28:00+00:00

My husband cares. Most of the time.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-07-05T06:47:35+00:00

Of course he does. We are not only romantic partners but best friends too.

bluestjuice · 2022-07-05T06:40:09+00:00

Yes. An example: normally he preps these protein egg biscuits for my breakfasts for the week but because we camped all weekend he didn’t have a chance. Totally without my asking or requesting it, he already has a plan to make me a different breakfast tomorrow morning so I don’t forget to eat.

He notices when I’m moody and tries to cheer me up. He lets me read silly tidbits from PPD out loud to him even though his eyes roll right out of his head. He talks through my goals and problems with me and helps me brainstorm different approaches when what I’m doing isn’t having the desired effect.

wrathofkalima · 2022-07-05T15:58:02+00:00

I honestly don’t think many men care about women. Yes I’ve had boyfriends who “loved” me but I think there is always a huge selfishness about it: they love the affection, they love the sex, they love the attention, they love being looked after by women. Also, I’ve seen how men treat women that they’re not sexually interested in and it’s not good. I’m not really convinced that many men have the capacity to really care if there’s not an immediate benefit.

chalkandapples · 2022-07-05T07:22:46+00:00

Yes, I think my husband truly cares about me. All of the stuff you listed are just basic human decency stuff.

I don't know the statistics for the world, but I feel like every guy I met are capable of caring. It's not a rare thing to be a generally decent person.

Willow-girl · 2022-07-05T11:57:42+00:00

Yes.

CodeCody23 · 2022-07-05T14:31:33+00:00

Interesting that the wives here think a personal testimonial of their husband means anything. If you are not terminally ill, had cancer, or another debilitating disease, your word means nothing, and the conclusion drawn from the article went over your head.

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-07-05T08:48:45+00:00

I think this is an unfair question, of course everyone wants to think their husbands/bfs are amazing and will stand by them in sickness and in health, but that’s where your study comes in,

most of those couples had been happily married for decades but when it came to physically caring for the female partner, lots of males chose to walk away, they’ll help for a few weeks but they won’t be a carer and that’s what the case is highlighting because the difference between the genders in regards to caring for each other is pretty poor.

I’ll be honest and say I don’t know for my husband, I think he would, he’s not the kinda guy that walks away and he wouldn’t divorce me over being ill, but there is a difference between my level of care for him when he’s ill to his care for me.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-07-05T14:01:38+00:00

I mean yes. Otherwise I wouldn't be with him.

literaryhogwartian · 2022-07-05T06:53:30+00:00

I'm married so I have a husband not a boyfriend and I know he loves me and cares about me

SoIlikeMangos · 2022-07-05T15:07:01+00:00

The only people that truly care about me are my parents. No one can even come close to that.

2022-07-05T17:35:19+00:00

I'm pretty sure my boyfriend loves me. He's been nothing but supportive the entire time we've been together, even when I have the occasional health issue that may impact our physical intimacy. He's extremely understanding and is 100% the more empathetic and gentle one in the relationship. We have intentionally cultivated excellent communication, though, and he's admitted a lot of vulnerabilities on his end despite the common male rhetoric that women aren't attracted to that; it has brought us closer and I am honored he feels safe enough to open up to me. We are also very good about splitting chores: one cooks, other does the dishes, we both do laundry (combined), if he works overtime I will try to compensate sometimes by doing a little more. We split most things (groceries, rent, etc.) in "half" proportionate to income because he makes a little more than me (at a job I helped him get). We are a team and here to support each other at all times. Stronger together—screw everyone who gets in our way lmao.

Also want to add that neither of us wants children due to multiple factors, so no, baby incubator is not a thing for us. He was also raised by a very strong and dominant mother because his father mentally checked out due to prescription abuse due to a bad back injury. I think he has a lot of respect for women, especially more dominant women, because of this. We tend to take turns paying for dates or whoever wants to go out will pay.

Most men I've dated have been good to me and seemed perfectly capable of love and a respectful, fair relationship. When we've split, it's because we've been going in different life directions and it's usually calm and amicable. I'm friends with 2 exes who live out of state and my partner keeps contact with an out of state ex as well. There's no doubts of anything going on with any exes since it's pretty clear why both of us are not with them lol. Just based off this, I'd say plenty of men are capable of healthy and fair relationships. YMMV tho based in how well you can judge and know what you're looking for.

ashleyrose56 · 2022-07-05T18:02:01+00:00

Single at the moment, but I remember how my first bf broke up with me after a suicide attempt that leaved me in a coma. I was still in the hospital when he broke up with me and he never visited me. He had the audacity to return when I recovered and years later after that, is still begging for forgiveness.

WYenginerdWY · 2022-07-06T00:54:02+00:00

Reading this thread it makes it seem like it's pretty common for men to not really care about women

That's because it is pretty common.

After observing how men behave when their comments are randomized and not linked to their identity, I've come to the conclusion that very few men care about the women in their lives beyond the utility they are provided, particularly their sexual utility. You're correct that they just genuinely don't care about women's interests, thoughts, experiences, etc.

Case in point - my husband's life insurance policy is twice mine. I was very explicit that I needed a large policy on him because if he died, I would need to "potato" for awhile in my grief. Husband? He just needs enough to bury me. I think he'd be over being sad in like, a week.

what percentage of men go you think are capable of caring? People seem to be saying a good chunk of Americans just see women as incubators and not as full humans.

I mean, they think that because every facet of the manosphere is working hard to promote just that concept. I genuinely think at this point it's probably less than 40%.

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-07-05T08:04:41+00:00

I think my bf cares about me. And I don’t think “leaving when you’re sick” necessarily implies otherwise; depending on what “sick” is and the level of care required. I’d argue many people aren’t equipped nor capable to deal with many situations they have been handed. After seeing a few of my close ones go through hell, I have very specific instructions on how I want my life to go in case something horrible happens to me; so it’s kinda out of my partners hands anyways.

My aunt is currently taking care of a terminal relative and it’s been going downhill over 2 years now. It’s at a point where she hasn’t slept properly in over 6 months and she’s basically becoming a shell of a person, that barely communicates. She resents everyone and has clearly hit her limit. I think she should leave and I don’t think her leaving would mean she doesn’t care.

Glass_Bucket · 2022-07-05T16:20:45+00:00

Now let's see the statistics on women who leave their man after he loses his job

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-07-05T08:17:16+00:00

Really TwoXChromosomes... That place is a cesspool. That place isn't as bad a FSD but pretty much the same.

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2022-07-05T06:37:45+00:00

He dotes and worries over me like a mother hen and then shies away when I try to do the same for him. Hardly fair, right?

badgersonice · 2022-07-05T16:12:48+00:00

I think my husband truly cares about me, although I will not ever know for sure if he’s really be willing to stick with me through a cancer diagnosis. You can’t ever know for sure how someone will react until they’re tested.

I think there are definitely some good men who are strong enough and loyal enough to truly commit through the “in sickness and in health” part of a marriage— my mom’s cousin stayed with his wife though several years of cancer until she succumbed. Yes, he remarried quickly after, but he did love her and stayed with her. But it’s certainly not all men who have the grit to stay with someone, and you can’t really fully know until tested if you’ve married a man strong enough to take on such a tough burden.

The reality is that caretaking is incredibly grueling and often extremely under-appreciated in general, but it’s particularly under-appreciated by men who view traditional feminine tasks as something for their entertainment, rather than as vital and respect-worthy work.

While the guys dumping their wives after a few months of a cancer diagnosis are obviously trash, what I also suspect is happening is that a lot of these guys do not truly and genuinely appreciate or anticipate just how incredibly hard and emotionally crushing and unsupported it is to be a real full-time caretaker of someone you care about. Some men will say in words that they “appreciate” or “value” feminine nurturing qualities, but they don’t really understand what kind of sacrifice can be required for it, and as a result don’t really respect or value that stubborn, stick-to-ittiveness strongly enough to put in that sacrifice themselves to care for another.

And I think these men are the ones who skip out are the ones who way underestimate how hard it will be. So they quickly get overwhelmed by just how painful and self-sacrificing it can be to be the person supporting someone suffering from a long-term illness… but unlike women they don’t have the kind of support system where they can unload some of their grief and pain.

None of this is to excuse a guy for being weak or cheating or being disloyal. I think it’s just meant as context, and to really highlight just how incredible some men and women are for sticking around and staying with the person they love.

SouthernGrass3 · 2022-07-05T16:34:50+00:00

Absolutely. He puts me first like 90 percent of the time and we’re each other’s favorite people. I didn’t know It was possible for me to love someone this deeply (other than my mom lol) or to be loved this much.

KaleidoscopeEyes12 · 2022-07-05T19:59:59+00:00

Do I think he truly cares? Absolutely. He’s the one who’s up with me during panic attacks, bringing me water at 4 in the morning. He notices all my little nervous ticks, ones that I’m not even conscious of. I can’t drive due to a disability, he drives me basically everywhere. When we’re apart, he’s the one driving hours to see me. He’s willing to make sacrifices for me that I never even asked for. We’ve got our fights here and there but I do think he really loves me.

Edit: As for the terminal illness thing, I know he says he would stay and I truly believe him… I’m just not sure if I would want him to stay depending on my condition. I feel horrible for anyone in that situation since it’s just so complicated.

thrwwayguy · 2022-07-05T13:47:34+00:00

Men care in different ways than women for one. The studies are vastly outdated (1998 and 2009), and if a guy is going to marry or date you and give up his romantic freedom, 9/10 times he cares about you.

Glad to see most women on here don't believe this bs.

Bro it's crazy how people on Reddit will try and ruin people's happy lives just to prove a point.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-07-05T07:12:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

sarkington · 2022-07-05T06:07:17+00:00

As Mike Tyson (a rapist) correctly observed, “everyone’s got a plan until they get punched in the face (by cancer or whatever)”

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2022-07-05T16:22:18+00:00

What a dumb question 😐

herefortheparty01 · 2022-07-05T18:19:32+00:00

It’s from 2x. I won’t even click that link. But yes. Most men would die to protect their woman.

Professional-Dog-265 · 2022-07-05T18:41:14+00:00

Well there's an easy way to find out! Stop doing all that shit, having sex with him and see how long he sticks around lol.

0-13 · 2022-07-05T20:06:01+00:00

What a strange question to ask. Most people don’t think about these things so critically bro. I’d say this is from massive overthinking and peoples desires are never so clear

SurLitteratur · 2022-07-05T13:29:08+00:00

So do you think your boyfriend truly cares about you? Or if you got sick would he leave you by the wayside?

I have it proven that he wouldn't leave if I were sick. I had to have my gallstones removed via surgery and at the beginning the ER turned me down saying I was just having cramps/woman issues. 1 week later and I'm back at the ER spewing my guts, hot and cold, sweating and shivering at the same time. He was with me then and when I couldn't speak for myself because I was lying in a pool of my own vomit because sitting still hurt, walking hurt, but being on the floor curled up hurt a bit less. He took charge and got me pain meds and made sure they scheduled an ultrasound. I had my stones removed the next day after a haze of drug induced dreams. He has stuck by me for 5 years after that.

Words cannot describe how much I love him.

ETA: I am sure there are still plenty of males who leave their partners, I've seen it myself. It's why I have such high standards. Watch what he does.

2022-07-05T14:47:57+00:00

I believe all three of my long term boyfriends cares/cared about me immensely, even if they didn't always show it.

They have always checked in on me, gone out their way to make me smile and I can just tell they derive happinesses by proxy.

ruboyuri · 2022-07-05T14:51:35+00:00

I hope so, but I’m not so arrogant as to think I know everything. We all know actions > words, right?

I may bang, but I’m not a maid, therapist, or mommy — and I plan ahead. So hopefully my inability to do those things will not precipitate leaving

cdclopper · 2022-07-05T17:55:14+00:00

What are the numbers actually tho? If 0.012% of men leave their dying gfs, but only 0.002% of women do the same, that's still 6x as many.

Bdog5k · 2022-07-05T20:15:14+00:00

Men and woman both often settle for something they didn’t want in order to get their needs met.

Over time it starts to unravel.

Vyrnoa · 2022-07-05T22:15:41+00:00

If he didnt id break it off. You need to show both physical and mental affection in order to get it back. Obviously there are people out there who dont give a fuck. Thats why my goal has always been to favor long term relationships with common interests in mind. Not everyone can just fit that role.

kreayshawn777 · 2022-07-05T23:01:33+00:00

I had a boyfriend a few years ago and I think he did care about me

TheMedsPeds · 2022-07-06T13:52:39+00:00

Find it’s the trad relationships that are like that. The man has no emotions and does manly things, he works, does he male like hobby, has beers with the boys, goes home eats his wife’s dinner, maybe chats with her about house stuff, plays with his kids for 10-15 minutes, goes to his man cave for some privacy then bed, fucks his wife rinse repeat. They may go out on dates sure. Or family vacations but they are just two people with barely anything in common sharing a home fulfilling their assigned roles.

Blue pill people tend to be different. We are the ones sitting on the porch with a glass of wine having deep philosophical convos. Our lovers are actually our best friends. We like to do the same things. We have inside jokes because we share a sense of humor, we watch shows together because we can like the same shows. We tend to wait to have kids since we aren’t trad if we have them at all. Since we have actual bonds and choose partners based on common interests and not “hot, young submissive” and “big, strong, good job” it’s a lot easier to have deep meaningful relationships where we actually care what our partner thinks. Do we have our fight and bad days? Of course, is the guy only half listening sometimes because his mind is elsewhere? Of course! No relationship is perfect. But a relationship built on chemistry, common interests, and by two people who defy gender roles enough to actually be friends is waaaay more deep than the trads who have next to nothing in common.

Do I think trad guys will dump their wives if they get sick? Not really. Part of being trad is sticking to your family no matter what. But I do think these trad men don’t give a shit when their woman is whining because in his head he’s just like “yeah, yeah, Stacey canceled brunch, how terrible!” then starts thinking about his next classic car he wants to work on.

So in conclusion, depends on the relationship. If you aren’t actual best friends with your partner, it’s hard to care about them.

AnonPinkLady · 2022-07-06T22:40:22+00:00

Hmmm... You make some solid points. As for my current partner it's a hard yes. But he's very special to me and has show his commitment and devotion to me over a long period of time. That being said I've 100% felt most if not all my previous partners did exactly what you're describing and simply enjoyed my presence because of all the the good things they got out of it. I don't think any of them even came to the realization that that's all they cared about me for. I used to think this fear was ultimately one manifested by my BPD but as time went on realized it's just a reality. Many relationships are a sham, and the people in them don't even know it. I used to say "all of these interested men don't love, they simply want. They want me in their car, by their side, in their bed. It's all about wanting and getting what they desire". I don't feel that way about my current partner.

Yummylicky23 · 2022-07-07T16:51:58+00:00

UsamaBinLadenPill · 2022-07-11T21:33:25+00:00

Just as many women are lazy bums. You just hear less of it because men whine less.

Title	Do you think your boyfriend truly cares about you?
Author	scwizard
Upvotes	50
Comments	168
Date	July 5, 2022 5:57 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vrqy37/do_you_think_your_boyfriend_truly_cares_about_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-your-boyfriend-truly-cares-about-you.1122970 https://theredarchive.com/post/1122970

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