Dating as a woman irl: low effort coffee dates and disappointing sex

fdsThrowaway2021 · 2021-02-17T13:00:44+00:00

Maybe he should not be asking out “heaps of women” and instead focus on forming a relationship with one of woman who he shows he is actually interested in. If you’re asking out 100 people and only 1 says yes, I’m pretty sure that indicates there’s a problem with yourself that you need to work on. He only mentioned his job and how he looks. Perhaps his personality or character sucks.

Oh, also those “petty reasons” women ghost..pretty sure they aren’t petty. I’m going to amend the above statement and say the guy definitely sounds like a creep.

smm1892 · 2021-02-17T13:25:21+00:00

The thing with guys who say these things is that they are clearly using “DATING” as a proxy for “CASUAL SEX”.

Dating, by necessity, involves: 1. Asking somebody on a date. 2. Making conversation to find things in common and talk about yourself and ask about the other person. 3. Following the rules of etiquette that the person who asks another person out should pay. Also, if you’re asking me to do something with you, I find it super rude if you have no idea of where / what time you would like to meet!

(I don’t even say “The man always needs to pay” because people get so scandalized. Just “The person who asks should pay and I don’t ask men on dates!”)

If the person doesn’t want to go out with you again, you need to accept that gracefully and move on.

(And, is it really such a mystery that some women find it safer to just “ghost” men? I’ve tried the whole “Thanks for the date, but I don’t want to go out again. Take care!” and they have never once just said “Okay, take care!” They have always questioned my choices and tried to berate me into another date.)

To me, even if I’ve gone on a date and the guy was perfectly nice, polite, and cute, but isn’t the guy for me (for whatever reason), I have had a nice date! I don’t see it as a waste of my time or his because we’re just two people who spent an evening at dinner and are not compatible. You only see all of these steps and the investment of money as a waste if you are really only looking for CASUAL SEX and the low-effort “date” you plan doesn’t yield NSA, risky sex.

He needs to acknowledge to himself that he is not looking for DATES. This is so long, but I find this so frustrating! 💕

creamtart_ · 2021-02-17T13:14:38+00:00

HAHAHAHAH THIS IS THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN TO HIM ON A DATE??!!? 🙃 AND HE WANTS TO BE A WOMAN??? 🙃🙃🙃WHERE THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN IS LITERAL RAPE AND MURDER!!! 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

randomgirlimok · 2021-02-17T13:44:59+00:00

Does he not think that women get ghosted?

barbedwiredaisycrown · 2021-02-17T13:04:33+00:00

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Colour_riot · 2021-02-17T14:23:11+00:00

This guy would have died without reproducing before the advent of online dating, when men were actually limited by the number women that they physically came into contact with.

With online dating, they can so easily speak to so many women and yet still think that life is unfair to them.

100% sure he's on dating apps.

Why does he have to put in all this effort just to get sex. Why does he even need to date to have sex and a gf. He deserves sex and a gf! Poor scrote /s

spinsterchachkies · 2021-02-17T14:52:08+00:00

I’m this tall and look ok, why no girl fuck me? I asked 100 girls to fuck me, and they all said no. What the hell is wrong with them? I am entitled to sex. I have to pay for date just to get them to fuck me? Why? They have better options? Not fair! I have no options. It’s not my personality. Must be the women.

99agent99agent99 · 2021-02-17T13:00:05+00:00

If he was that great, he wouldn't be bitchin and moanin.

Glad to see women are obviously taking heed of the red flag this scote is wearing!!

Lavender_flow · 2021-02-17T14:12:51+00:00

boohooo pooor meeeeeeeeeee. As a woman you may get assaulted/raped etc. but sure, he has it harder with "ItS HaRd To GeT DaTeS, I HaVe To PaY aNd Be PlEaSanT" MUH PENIS. 🤢

2021-02-17T15:13:31+00:00

"I would kill for even a fraction of attention women gets"

Freaks out after a gay man says hi . I swear, men don't know what it's like getting male attention. They freak out if a gay man even glances in their direction, even if the guy doesn't give a single fuck about them. Now imagine getting catcalled, harassed, and stalked by men that you usually can't defend yourself against that desperately want attention from you and are entitled to your body and time.

They would want to go back to being a man immediately

1Here4Bach · 2021-02-17T14:06:55+00:00

Can someone remind me...do males in the animal kingdom complain that they have to compete with other males to get the ability to mate with a female?

God forbid women compare the dates she’s been on and chooses the best man she can get. This is BIOLOGY. Men compete, women choose. It’s not going to change. Step your game up or step out.

berryberrykicks · 2021-02-17T13:41:49+00:00

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daintybabygirl · 2021-02-17T13:01:23+00:00

God, what a whiny baby.

purasangria · 2021-02-17T13:04:25+00:00

"I don't think I'm bad looking" is man speak for, "I'm not absolutely hideous." Men are so bad at evaluating themselves, so I'm gonna guess that this man is probably overweight, balding, and has bigger boobs than I do.

Poor man, he actually has to put out effort to date! Life is so hard! What a whiny manlet.

Starsuponstars · 2021-02-17T14:55:42+00:00

It never ceases to amaze me how men really have no idea how a woman might feel with men harassing us and how many dates are not necessarily better than none. Like obviously it's not that great for us or we would accept dates from any man that breathes. Yet, we do not. Gee, I wonder why? Just no self-awareness from these men.

pickadaisy · 2021-02-17T16:07:02+00:00

Men think in terms of quantity > quality because the average woman is amazing. If men understood how disappointing the average man is, they would see that getting “heaps” of attention is actually worthless.

c_a_t_lady · 2021-02-17T15:12:54+00:00

I don't think women getting a lot of dates is saying anything about it being easier for us. More risks and disappointing sex presumably. I suppose in some ways dating is hard for everyone.

Quantity doesn't replace quality.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-02-17T14:33:22+00:00

Oh, he's jealous he can't date all those trolls, we could date if we wanted to. So sad story.

2021-02-17T15:06:10+00:00

Having a decent job and taking care of your appearance is the bare minimum for basic adulthood. He feels entitled to sex with women he buys dinner for (not dates cus he’s not actually dating) because he can shower, dress himself, and pay his bills.

justforfds · 2021-02-17T15:15:06+00:00

It's a bitter shot in the vague direction of those unnamed women who didn't want him. In reality, they're not sparing him a second thought.

He keeps the tone self-pitying enough and sad enough to appeal to the Pickmes who think his experience will make him appreciative of them.

He is hoping to be messaged by them. This was his advertisement.

pickadaisy · 2021-02-17T15:32:13+00:00

This guy isn't asking out the average women. He's got a laundry list of physical requirements.

Summerisle7 · 2021-02-17T15:44:21+00:00

“5’10”/5’11”.... is not a thing.

pickadaisy · 2021-02-17T15:28:23+00:00

Entitlement isn’t attractive. Fixed it for ya, bud.

pickadaisy · 2021-02-17T16:15:09+00:00

I love how men define privilege by how much opposite sex attention one gets. He doesn’t want the amount of male attention women get, NO WAY. He wants female attention. Okay, so do I. I’d trade all the fear of rape, assault, gaslighting, manipulation, etc. for attention from women. Men like to play like there isn’t a huge bank of research out there about the consequences women face with all their “male attention privilege”.

And I agree with everyone else that he’s not as great or interesting as he thinks he is and probably deserved to be ghosted.

purasangria · 2021-02-17T15:40:16+00:00

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IAteTheDragon · 2021-02-17T15:12:11+00:00

Stop whining, it's not manly. No girl wants a crybaby.

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2021-02-17T18:10:10+00:00

"It's easier dating as a woman", yeah, and it's also easier to be kidnapped, trafficked, sexaully assaulted, beaten, tortured, and murdered as a woman as well.

BellaMob · 2021-02-17T16:47:53+00:00

His Valentine's date probably figured out that he shot the same proposal to 100 other women and ghosted him to spend the day treating herself instead of a romantic coffee date with this gentleman lol.

MACMUA · 2021-02-17T17:11:53+00:00

Is it bad that I’m happy this is happening to him lmao

But for real these incels never look within and always blame us. It’s always the victim.

You were ghosted cause you are not worthy of her time. This happens to you over and over but you want to say the women are the problem. Nah Bruh, it’s all you!

Aurora--Whorealis · 2021-02-17T17:05:38+00:00

I can’t get over him complaining about having to speak confidently during a date. What’s the alternative?? How else should one speak during a date lmao

Interesting_Day1188 · 2021-02-17T17:24:21+00:00

Anyone who says they're in good shape from practicing a martial art is usually a wannabe part-time practitioner who isn't in shape. Also, he's probably not that tall, and he probably says something stupid filthy, which is why they ghost him.

Amy3e13 · 2021-02-17T17:32:21+00:00

5'10 / 5'11 WHICH ONE IS IT?! Sike I already know the answer

waddamelone · 2021-02-17T18:36:58+00:00

Will scrotes just ever shut the fuck up? They’re a waste of air man.

just-peepin-at-u · 2021-02-17T20:18:59+00:00

Holy shit. Well first of all, most men I dated rated themselves much higher, physically, than they actually were. For all the dudes who “Work out,” they sure look like pudgy little dough asses. 🤔 So I am already suspicious of his self assessment.

Secondly, yes women get hit on often...by low quality men. Yeah, I bet he wouldn’t be thrilled if the only women who asked him out for “exisiting” were ladies he had zero interest in. What, he thinks a swarm of reasonably attractive, intelligent, decent men are the ones hitting on every woman? No.

skyerippa · 2021-02-18T03:05:38+00:00

Lastly on the list of all the things hes missing...Does he not understand that that women don't want to just date ANY random fucking dude that asks???? Sorry but we're not that desperate and pathetic to just accept whatever comes crawling by. Maybe we want someone that we actually like back too

howdoilogoutt · 2021-02-17T15:10:57+00:00

He probably also has kids, and lives with his mum.

GoldandGlowing · 2021-02-17T18:39:03+00:00

Speaking with confidence is hard for him? Tragic

Platipus6 · 2021-02-17T20:56:08+00:00

Anyone assuming he’s some doughy self important white guy just from the Muay Thai comment? Just me?

jasmine-blossom · 2021-02-17T14:12:09+00:00

These men really think that us women constantly have good sex and good relationships thrown at us just bc we have vaginas. If they actually had to try to date as a woman for a day they would be fucking miserable lmao what fools

2021-02-17T16:05:19+00:00

"I get mad when I hear women complaining about being hit on."

Hey women! When a man asks you out over and over and you say no over and over, and he won't respect your answer in the hopes of eventually wearing you down... that's not something you should complain about. It makes men MAD.

Hey women! When you're trying to get to the hospital to visit your father on your lunch hour, and you're wearing a professional dress that hits at the knee and collarbone, and a man jumps in front of you joking about how he has the same dress and won't let you pass until you flirt with him... that's not something you should complain about. It makes men MAD.

Hey women! When a man you don't know creeps you out by approaching in public and making very specific comments about your various body parts... that's not something you should complain about. It makes men MAD!

Hey women! When the ex-boyfriend from many years ago who didn't treat you well texts that you should "get together" during a pandemic even though you live hundreds of miles apart, and you say "no, pandemic," and he gets passive-aggressive about how he deserves better than a "whatever" response... that's not something you should complain about. It makes men MAD!

If a man gets mad to the point of contemplating violence because he hears about the reality of existing as a women ... yeah, someone better probably did come along. Because even no one is better than someone whose anger issues are so pronounced that you aren't allowed to have any feelings about the very real negatives in your life.

Sewud · 2021-02-17T17:44:19+00:00

Seriously though why don't these guys realize they are dating up? He has to pay for everything? He could literally date a less desirable woman and she would pay. It's not anyone's fault but his own.

CSardothien_1 · 2021-02-17T18:27:16+00:00

This is when I usually tell men who complain like the man child above how they would like it if gay men hit on them at every turn they went, salivating at the mouth when looking them up and down. Men only like attention from women but flip the tables and they go all soft. Literally.

Mimosa_usagi · 2021-02-17T20:09:30+00:00

No one is more praised and coddled than male nurses. Sorry but it's true.

Novemberinthechair · 2021-02-17T21:50:47+00:00

Oh, he wants to be a perused princess. So he's 5'10? That's code for 5'5, right?

singing_stream · 2021-02-18T00:53:49+00:00

When my son was small and was complaining he wasn't popular and only had a few friends.. i asked him if he'd rather have 100 mud flavour lollipops, or 2 cola flavour ones.

His response was the cola ones. It took him a while to realise that a couple of close friends are much much better than loads of aquaintances. Sounds like mr pity party for 1 hasn't realised that yet.

Yes we'd all like to have 100 dating options.. but how many of them are actual options if we cut out the guy that sounds like a serial killer.. the guy that can't spell for shit and calls you ''hunny'' the first time he messages you.. the guys that message saying stuff like ''hey baby.. i'll buy you dinner if you suck my cock later''.. etc etc etc.

Yep.. i guarantee that if the guy that wrote that had the dating options a woman does, he wouldn't be happy either.

2021-02-17T18:25:23+00:00

I’d block him based on his stressful work environment. Is that unfair?

MomNateChloe · 2021-02-17T22:45:56+00:00

Waaaaah, my fee-fees are hurt because 1) I can’t get a woman without paying for a date. Wah! 2) I can’t be angry and hostile the way I naturally am and it’s too much effort to fake confidence for a few hours on a date. Wah! 3) Showing up at muey Thai 3x a year isn’t impressing anyone. Wah! 4) My lying about my height still isn’t getting me anywhere. Wah! 5) Women have standards and are not just a hole. Waaaaaah! Life is so unfair!!

Platipus6 · 2021-02-17T23:22:32+00:00

If he was a HVM he's get snatched up. We're proving day in and day out how low the bar is. This guy must be limbo'ing under it.

AnniaT · 2021-02-18T20:04:44+00:00

We just have to exist to get dates? Or does he mean we just have to exist for some scrote to take us to walking or coffee dates and feel entitled to have sex with us and then go to the internet cry when they don't succeed?

Substantial-Win-7612 · 2021-02-17T13:52:30+00:00

I don’t understand, I have never met these women that get asked on 100 dates... I am above average in the looks department and also now a lot of pretty girls but even if they get asked on a lot of dates, they don’t count if they are made by people that would actually just want a one night stand... not all dates end with a relationship as we all now, every girl knows this, and we also can tell when someone only wants to fuck us...

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-02-17T20:01:44+00:00

I suspect this misguided gentleman is asking heaps of bots, insta models and onlyfans girls on a date and is surprised why no one actually shows up 🤦‍♀️

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-02-17T14:09:05+00:00

Just pathetic. No woman wants to date a crybaby.

DaniLuvzYou · 2021-02-17T22:03:57+00:00

The audacity 😒

Title	Dating as a woman irl: low effort coffee dates and disappointing sex
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	374
Comments	152
Date	February 17, 2021 12:52 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/llttwo/dating_as_a_woman_irl_low_effort_coffee_dates_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dating-as-a-woman-irl-low-effort-coffee-dates-and.1192232 https://theredarchive.com/post/1192232

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