"Learning to read the room" is a way for women to retain plausible deniability on their part

mandoa_sky · 2024-08-31T11:41:57+00:00

hard to say. these days given tight funds, dinner at friends' houses is basically how me and my circle save money compared to going to a restaurant.

Colt_Master · 2024-08-31T14:02:05+00:00

If this is the post you're referring to: https://np.reddit.com/r/self/s/jHEcvPeXTK

I read his mistakes quite different from how you do. This dude has the problem of insufficient flirting and taking too much time to express/communicate interest to someone he's interested in, and gauge her interest in him. The detail of how the dinner invitation comes across is minor, especially after seemingly 3 months of platonicness. The big problem is, after 3 months 1. He still didn't know whether she was into him 2. She seemingly didn't know he was into her. Despite the dude likely having sexual interest in her since the first moment.

AntonioSLodico · 2024-08-31T13:25:25+00:00

Cooking for someone (or with them or having them cook for you) when you're romantically interested in them is a highly intimate and sensual thing, IMO. It has usually come after sex for me, not before. And yes, I have a third date rule about it that's only been broken three times, the last time with my current wife.

If I have a home meal with someone, it's either because they're a really good friend or because I thought there was really serious long term relationship potential that I want to lean into. If it's a platonic friend, I make it clear that it's platonic upfront.

If I was the girl in OPs situation, I would probably assume it was a friend meal, because a romantic home meal as a first date seems to be coming in waaaay strong. Like more than an overnight date or spa day with a couples massage and naked sauna.

Only-Plate590 · 2024-08-31T12:48:36+00:00

OK but the woman accepted the invitation on the basis that she knew he was expecting sex and was open to that depending how the evening went.

The giveaway would have been her underwear - which he obviously didn't get to see. Guarantee she wore her nice stuff.

Things didn't work out for whatever reason so she'd act surprised that a guy offering to cook for her had romantic/sexual intent.

She accepted the invitation knowing exactly what his intent was. She wasn't feeling it so she bailed - perfectly reasonable.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-08-31T13:26:53+00:00

80 percent of communication is nonverbal. The sooner you learn how to read and understand body language, nuance, tone, etc the sooner you can actually start approaching women who are desperately trying to get you to notice them.

They straight up teach these things in sales and marketing workshops and seminars to help young salespeople pitch to someone who is more receptive for a warm approach over just massive cold calls/emails/pitch to everyone.

Sound familiar? It’s because it’s relatable. But some dudes here don’t want to learn.

CostTraining9610 · 2024-08-31T14:56:20+00:00

Everything women do is to advantage themselves. Why is this like a question or debate?

Difficult_Falcon1022 · 2024-08-31T13:34:28+00:00

Don't jump to calling it gaslighting. Flirting is about mutual escalation. Sometimes people think a friendship is escalating and the other person think it's romantically escalating. Not wrong to be wrong either way.

Solondthewookiee · 2024-08-31T12:47:08+00:00

I have never heard "read the room" used to mean "don't tell women you're interested in them." It's almost used the exact opposite, learning to figure out when women are interested in you or even open to being approached.

BluePillUprising · 2024-08-31T12:01:25+00:00

What you are describing is undoubtedly frustrating and confusing for the hypothetical man.

However, be that as it may, if a person does not want to become intimate for any reason that has to be accepted, no amount of negotiation or pointing out inconsistent or misleading behavior is going to change that.

For what it’s worth, in my experiences, when I was single, the initial romance (first kiss) never occurred in such a stereotypical surrounding as “dinner at my place” or “out to eat at fancy restaurant”. It was usually after a party or night out with a large group of friends or in a club or a bar. Almost always music and alcohol played a role.

That may sound unhealthy (yeah, it was unhealthy) but those are the situations when people are having fun and dancing and laughing is when they show their true selves. In my view, that’s where you want to be to start a romance.

Save the candlelight dinners for after you’ve started hooking up.

Redpill-mind · 2024-08-31T12:17:44+00:00

My first initial reaction is why invite her to dinner ?

Guys it's 2024 not 1924

women don't deserve dinner dates

srwat · 2024-08-31T11:45:04+00:00

Some guys get it mixed up that just because a woman accepted an invite to their house for dinner or whatever that it guarantees there will be extra curricular activities from that point onwards. As the guy, you still need to be displaying attractive behaviors (at least the ones she originally liked) and giving an experience of sorts (especially if you may intend to have your first intimate experience with the woman) so that she feels comfortable in your home.

Usually someone going to your house for that dinner because they had initial interest, but they witnessed too many personal red flags and the ick simultaneously is what "noped" them out of the finale.

If something like this happened, most likely the guy did something outside of his awareness that caused the situation to go differently than he wanted. The woman usually won't tell you this explicitly though ever most times.

The above of course is excluding the people that literally just wanted a meal.

MongoBobalossus · 2024-08-31T14:12:20+00:00

“Reading the room” entails knowing how to gauge her interest in you before inviting her over.

If she thinks you’re just a friend, it doesn’t matter how romantic you make the dinner, she’ll have the same amount of sexual interest in you—zilch.

MistyMaisel · 2024-08-31T12:52:11+00:00

I mean, was it a romantic dinner? Were there candles, mood lighting, soft music, did he cook something quite special, was there wine, was he flirting and doting all night, teasing, and making eyes, and dressed up a bit more than one usually does in their home, smelling and looking like a snac?

Cuz if there was that, I'd say she's the one who can't read the room.

But if he just invited her over to a basic ass place with normal lighting, no candles, no moody music, no booze, acted like a platonic friend or aloof (because he's nervous), looking pretty normal, smelling normal, and cooked something pretty basic...

Well, I'd guess that is what happened honestly. I think men often have a tendency to think words are enough to push the plot where they want. But if words, actions, and environments don't align, then it's just not gonna be a clear message.

I've been over to a dude's place to just hang out and cook like friends do. I've also been over to a dude's place when they were trying to woo me to the bedroom. Those experiences were drastically different.

I wouldn't say an invitation for dinner at his has to be a clear cut sexy time invitation unless prior dating or heavy flirtation has occurred.

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-08-31T11:44:47+00:00

Being inside an apartment is not a sexual cue. I’m not sure you get what “reading the room” means.

lgtv354 · 2024-08-31T11:40:11+00:00

maybe he shouldve learned to read the room /s

harmonica2 · 2024-08-31T11:40:42+00:00

I think it's always best for guys to make moves if they want to, and see what happens.

If a woman tells you you didn't read the room then the best thing to say is 'I read it, but it turns out the woman was an unreliable narrator', or something along those lines of a response.

Plus it's up to the other person to read the room too, of course, and if someone acts like they like you, then the other person is responsible for reading that as well.

DeJuanBallard · 2024-08-31T14:18:05+00:00

You got to assume they are gonna say whatever makes the dude look bad and them not have to take any accountability. This goes for everything from grocery shopping, first dates, and why the marriage ended.

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-08-31T11:50:55+00:00

Do you assume a male friend is trying to fuck you if he invites you over? Just the 2 of you? No, you don't. Why would a female be different if you haven't been flirting and bantering? Don't ask for sex or a relationship doesn't mean don't flirt.

alwaysright12 · 2024-08-31T13:18:44+00:00

Who tells men not to be open and honest?

Who thinks agreeing to go to someone's house for dinner is agreeing to have sex with them?!

apresonly · 2024-08-31T19:01:34+00:00

that a dinner had romantic intent

*sexual

attendquoi · 2024-08-31T13:17:54+00:00

I eat dinner with my friends of all genders all the time 🤷 this seems less about reading the room and more about just not being very social.

obviousredflag · 2024-08-31T13:13:10+00:00

he didn't read the room. Just like you.

Comeino · 2024-08-31T11:41:08+00:00

Who the fuck makes the move at their first dinner invite?
Unless there is some crazy chemistry going on and the woman initiates physical contact beforehand....it's not what you think lol. PPL like you is why the stereotype of "men and women can't be friends" exists. Maybe try to become friends with the opposite sex before the intention of trying to get in their panties happens? Sheesh

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VWGUYWV · 2024-08-31T17:48:06+00:00

If you get a woman alone at your place for dinner and drinks, then you’re at the 5 yard line and ready for a field goal.

You don’t have some awkward talk about sex or a relationship.

First thing is break personal space (taboo around touch) by just being a bit touchy in a natural way (I.e. not creepy but not “im afraid of this woman”). You do this by acting like nonsexual touch isn’t a big deal without trying hard.

Next, when the time is right, you kiss her. And escalate naturally from there.

First time like that, you might just make out and might not have sex. That’s fine. You’ll be in like Flynn within 2 or 3 dates and now you just have to make her feel comfortable.

I feel like men are snatching defeat from the jaws of victory,

It’s partly the blame of extreme consent culture where folks think you have to have some weird talk (“madam, I am considering using penis on you this evening. Please sign these forms in triplicate.”). It’s also partly that young people just aren’t socialized well now. And of course the ‘tism.

2024-08-31T22:59:42+00:00

Bro what. If you use the term plausible deniability no wonder you getting no pussy

Radiant_Discount9052 · 2024-08-31T23:02:01+00:00

I mean, at least in my books, you have to be straightforward at a certain point. Guys complain that girls do this too, where you can drop all the hints in the books, and they still don’t catch on that you like them. Sometimes you gotta just have a conversation about it, especially if you feel you’re at the point where you know each other well enough to invite her over for dinner. It’s never fun to try to read each others’ minds, and it’s definitely fair to be straightforward with her, especially if you’re just chilling alone at your place. Just don’t expect anything from her and you’ll be fine, after all, you invited her over for dinner because you wanted to get to know her more, not because you needed sex or a girlfriend from her.

SaBahRub · 2024-08-31T15:51:28+00:00

It’s not, if the the woman didn’t intend it

rejected-again · 2024-08-31T23:44:08+00:00

"Read the room"="How dare you not properly read my mind"

Title	"Learning to read the room" is a way for women to retain plausible deniability on their part
Author	Babyface_Bogart
Upvotes	77
Comments	217
Date	August 31, 2024 11:28 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1f5l3c2/learning_to_read_the_room_is_a_way_for_women_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/learning-to-read-the-room-is-a-way-for-women-to.1528943 https://theredarchive.com/post/1528943

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