Married men or men in longterm relationships: does your wife/gf financially contribute to your household? If so, please elaborate.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-09-24T13:07:46+00:00

Married, USA

Been together 14 years (married)

Our household finances are blended. Her budget handles the tuitions and mine handles utilities and groceries etc. because I’m in sales and commissions aren’t as locked in my commission/residual income goes into the investment/savings and also big vacation fund.

Wife has always bought me gifts when she could. but her big thing is planning trips

As for satisfaction, I am getting way more than I ever deserve and so I do my best to show her and tell her how much I appreciate and life her and the girls every day.

IdiAminD · 2024-09-24T08:29:09+00:00

Region EU, Poland
12 years married 13 years together
We put all our money to single pot, I am making ~3-4x more than my wife(though she is doing well above avareage here as well), we also have real estates that she is managing(rent, renovations).
We do not have split money so we pay from common money if we want to go somewhere, in dating period we were splitting equally.
Yes, my wife buys me things very often - however she is usually asking me if I like it, I am pretty picky regarding clothes so if there is some color not matching my outfits then I choose different one.
I am satisfied with her contribution, money is not a big issue for us and we have similar spending habits. My wife is not satisfied with her own contribution and is pretty active in looking for extra income. Overall I am very happy about our marriage.

Environmental_Day558 · 2024-09-24T05:45:26+00:00

What region or culture you are from (United States, Europe, Asia, Western, Eastern, etc.)

Currently living in the midwest, US.

How long you have been together (if married, please include years dating + married)

3 yrs, living together for 2 of them. Will be married soon.

Does your wife/gf contribute to the household expenses? What does this split look like?

I make close to 5x more than she does so I pay all the rent and utilities. She does buy the hello fresh, plus all the stuff the cats need and things she notices we need around the house.

Does your wife/gf contribute to planned dates or the overall date fund? Have you ever split the cost of dates? Has she ever paid for date night?

When we started dating the dates would be split but once official I just offer to pay the whole thing unless it's a special occasion where she's treating me.

Does your wife/gf buy you birthday or other holiday gifts? Has she ever bought you things randomly like a tshirt she thought would look good on you, or a morning coffee, or something else?

Yeah my birthday just passed this month and she got me a xbox elite controller and nba 2k25. She does buy me stuff randomly like she notices I wear v-neck shirt a lot so she got me some in different colors. No occasion, just did it.

Are you happy in your relationship? Are you satisfied with her level of contribution?

Pretty much. Despite the large income gap she wants to contribute. I don't sweat it much bc we are not hurting for cash at all.

Hard_Corsair · 2024-09-24T13:20:15+00:00

What region or culture you are from (United States, Europe, Asia, Western, Eastern, etc.)

Texas, United States

How long you have been together (if married, please include years dating + married)

Married for 2, together for 7

Does your wife/gf contribute to the household expenses? What does this split look like?

We co-own a small business that she inherited when the previous owner gave up on it.

Does your wife/gf contribute to planned dates or the overall date fund? Have you ever split the cost of dates? Has she ever paid for date night?

Our finances are fully entangled. There isn't really a mine/hers. We pay for everything.

Does your wife/gf buy you birthday or other holiday gifts? Has she ever bought you things randomly like a tshirt she thought would look good on you, or a morning coffee, or something else?

Yes

Are you happy in your relationship? Are you satisfied with her level of contribution?

Yes

Only-Plate590 · 2024-09-24T07:39:35+00:00

Region = UK/Europe

Together 3.5 years

The contribution split is roughly 90/10 my way. Given I earn 10x her salary this does seem reasonable. She often says she feels bad for not contributing more.

Yes she buys birthday/xmas gifts and also gist at random times if she sees something I like.

Happy overall. No issue with her contribution.

NeatEngineer5623 · 2024-09-24T08:03:41+00:00

What region or culture you are from (United States, Europe, Asia, Western, Eastern, etc.)

United Kingdom.

How long you have been together (if married, please include years dating + married)

We were long distance for a while but she moved into my place last November / early december.

Does your wife/gf contribute to the household expenses? What does this split look like?

She got a job in April, and since May we have balanced things out. She pays towards the rent, I take care of the gas and electric bills, she contributes to the weekly food shopping, I take care of the council tax. For the first month she was working I didn't take anything as it was her first wage and I wanted her to enjoy her first wage.

Does your wife/gf contribute to planned dates or the overall date fund? Have you ever split the cost of dates? Has she ever paid for date night?

She has paid for the night out. When we first were together full time we made a habit of going out every Friday night because I always finish work at 3 on a Friday, and each week we took it in turns of paying for each others each week. She isn't one of those who insisted she wanted to have hers paid for.

Does your wife/gf buy you birthday or other holiday gifts? Has she ever bought you things randomly like a tshirt she thought would look good on you, or a morning coffee, or something else?

Yes, she got me a football shirt for my birthday and that was before she moved in. And Christmas last year she got me gift vouchers for the PS5. I got her a new iPhone. I went all out because it was the first Christmas and I didn't want her to try match up because she had just moved in with me and currently at the time she was still looking for a job. So even just getting a pair of socks would have been good enough for me.

Currently I want to add that we are paying off a holiday to go on next July. I'm insisting to pay most of it because the day we fly, it lands on her birthday. I'd pay all of it but it's out of a single wages budget range.

Solondthewookiee · 2024-09-24T06:50:07+00:00

My wife makes substantially more money than me and likewise contributes more to our mortgage. We split utilities and childcare evenly.

(Fun fact, 2 of the last 3 women I dated before my wife also made substantially more money than me).

What region or culture you are from

United States

How long you have been together

Together for 6.5 years, married for 4

Does your wife/gf contribute to planned dates or the overall date fund? Have you ever split the cost of dates? Has she ever paid for date night?

Yes to all except that we don't have a date fund

Does your wife/gf buy you birthday or other holiday gifts?

Yes, she has been very generous

Are you happy in your relationship? Are you satisfied with her level of contribution?

Yes.

Like virtually all things red pillers complain about, women demanding money while contributing nothing is greatly, greatly exaggerated. Remember these are the same guys who believe that they have to watch out for gold diggers while making 60k.

Same-Treacle-6141 · 2024-09-24T10:54:46+00:00

We live in the northeastern US. Both have lived in this area all our lives. Both of us are “American” although of various European ancestry.

We’ve been together 15 years total, married for 10 of those.

She “contributes” in the sense that she also works full time. Nothing is “split” everything goes into a joint checking, and we pay all bills from that. At the start of every year we look at our pooled bonuses, stock payouts, tax refunds, and any excess savings from the prior year and then lay out our savings goals (Roth IRAs, 529s, taxable, projected large expenses, etc. 401s are maxed pre-tax so don’t factor in) and DCA into those until the end of that calendar year. Though if you mean in terms of overall finances she actually makes 50% more than I do.

Again there’s no contributing to dates or splitting it, it’s all joint. Even the credit cards are paid in full monthly out of the joint checking. We often joke at the end of dinner “don’t worry, I’ll get the check and pay for the babysitter”. Or “of course you forgot your wallet, typical, expecting me to pay”.

She’s a great gift giver and always buys great birthday and holiday gifts. It’s the only time she ever tells me not to look at the credit card statement - she doesn’t want the surprised ruined. She’s very considerate and will buy a random small gift. I do the same occasionally.

Couldn’t be happier I married the greatest woman in the world, we have an amazing life and family. We both more than pull our weight in terms of finances and contributions at home. And when one is tired or whatever the other will pick up the others slack as appropriate.

kongeriket · 2024-09-24T13:55:29+00:00

What region or culture you are from (United States, Europe, Asia, Western, Eastern, etc.)

How long you have been together (if married, please include years dating + married)

Eastern Europe (her) and mixed West-East Europe (me). Though I grew up in Eastern Europe.

16 years together. Soon two children.

Does your wife/gf contribute to the household expenses? What does this split look like?

95-5, at best.

Historically it was more balanced. With some periods in which she contributed 60% or even more. But for the last decade I've been outearning her by a factor of 10+ to the point that her income is a rounding error.

Does your wife/gf contribute to planned dates or the overall date fund? Have you ever split the cost of dates? Has she ever paid for date night?

Not today, no.

In the past, yes. We split the cost of dates and she paid for date nights. We were both poor when we got together.

But the whole discussion with splitting the cost of dates was pretty short. We moved in together really fast. The best decision both for our finances but especially for our mental health.

Does your wife/gf buy you birthday or other holiday gifts? Has she ever bought you things randomly like a tshirt she thought would look good on you, or a morning coffee, or something else?

Yes. Although our gifts would be considered utterly weird by most people. For my last birthday she got me a t-shirt with a slogan that is an adaptation after an idiom I had come up with at our second date. That was real sweet.

Are you happy in your relationship? Are you satisfied with her level of contribution?

Yes. I wanted and still want a good life with her. How to fetch the money for that was never a priority. Both of us having grown up poor has prevented us from developing materialist/"line goes up" type of mentality.

We leave way beneath our means and our biggest expense is our expensive hobby of wanting to see all of the world. I'm typing this as I'm waiting for the cab to take us to the airport, lol.

BlueMountainDace · 2024-09-24T11:37:22+00:00

I’m in the US, but we’re both kids of Indian immigrants. We’ve been together (married now) for a total of 10 years.

Early dating, I paid for things. As we got more serious we basically took turns. Once we were engaged, all our money was pooled, though during med school she didn’t work and I was the sole earner.

Since then, in residency and fellowship, I’ve been the primary breadwinner, but all our money is pooled so she’s contributing what she makes. Next September, she’ll become an attending and that will switch when she starts making $340k. I could probably make more than that, but we’ll be very comfy between $440k-$550k with my current earnings.

We don’t do much of gifts at all, but she’ll bake or cook things I love when she wants to treat me. She learned to make a lot of dishes my Mom used to make which is especially meaningful since my Mom has passed.

All in all, I spent a lot of time learning what I offered in a relationship and what I needed and after a few serious relationships full of good learning, I met her and it’s amazing.

PlainTundra · 2024-09-24T09:09:51+00:00

What region or culture you are from (United States, Europe, Asia, Western, Eastern, etc.)

Mediterranean Europe.

How long you have been together
3.5 years
Does your wife/gf contribute to the household expenses? What does this split look like?
Yes. 50/50.
Does your wife/gf contribute to planned dates or the overall date fund? Have you ever split the cost of dates? Has she ever paid for date night?
We didn't date. We met at work, slowly knew each other and that's it. The times we went out was paid 50/50 but we already knew each other and we were technically together.
Does your wife/gf buy you birthday or other holiday gifts? Has she ever bought you things randomly like a tshirt she thought would look good on you, or a morning coffee, or something else?
Yes. Yes.
Are you happy in your relationship? Are you satisfied with her level of contribution?
Yes. Yes.

krackedy · 2024-09-24T13:45:17+00:00

I am 30, my wife is 28. We have 3 kids.

We are both white Canadians. I was born here, she was born in Russia but moved here at age 5.

We have been together for 5 years, married for 3.

We both make similar salaries (I work in IT, she is a teacher). We contribute fairly equally to household expenses. Her parents have also helped us out financially.

We usually take turns paying for date nights. As for the planning, usually I plan dinner dates and she does more planning for vacations/trips.

She always gets me birthday and Christmas gifts and will often pick up little treats or snacks she thinks I'd like.

I am quite happy to be married to her. No marriage is perfect and we have some ups and downs but there's a lot more ups.

I think my marriage is pretty typical. Every married couple I know has both people contributing similarly.

PM_ME_ZED_BARA · 2024-09-24T05:37:12+00:00

For comparison, I am a gay guy in a long term relationship with another guy.

We are from Thailand. But I lean more liberal since I spent half of my life in the US.
We will be reaching year 6 in December and planning to get married when same-sex marriage becomes legalized.
I live in his house. I also own a house without any mortgage. He's paying for his mortgage, his phone bill, and his food during work. I pay for everything else, including dining, dates, activities, utilities, groceries, repairs, and insurance. So, I guess it's around me:him = 70:30. I am planning to help him with his mortgage so that it will be paid off sooner and we would save money in a long run.
Our first date was 50:50. Once we became more serious and became aware of our financials, I started to pay more for everything.
Yes, he never miss giving me a birthday gift. Yes, he often buys me random stuff (mostly food and coffee).
Yes, I am happy with the relationship and his contribution.

banthaaaa · 2024-09-24T07:37:16+00:00

I'm not in an LTR but from what I've seen from my friends it's pretty even, and in some cases the woman will earn more. Generally doesn't matter because my friends do stereotypically masculine jobs which just don't pay as much as office work.

LowCreddit · 2024-09-24T19:07:58+00:00

Married, USA
Dated less than three years. Married for more than seven.
Not since the first child. She now only works during tax seasons to remind herself why she hates work.
I have always paid from the very beginning.
She gets me nice things from time to time as well as on usual occasions.
My wife is my happiness. I am proud of her.
We both prefer it this way and talked about our goals in life from the start.

Goonerlouie · 2024-09-24T05:47:24+00:00

Both from Australia with south European backgrounds
Married 4.5 years, total together 13 years
Normally I pay mortgage from my wage, she pays groceries from her wage. Bills and other spending from the credit card which we pay together from any leftover savings from our wages
Date nights covered from credit card as mentioned above
Yes any gifts to each other are from our own respective money
Am I happy? TBH mixed feelings but nothing to do with contribution. We run a good household and because we’ve been together since HS we are aligned with life goals, finances, child raising etc. Contribution levels are fine because we believe in the greater good of the household. We are not the best savers though. We are both guilty of spending

obviousredflag · 2024-09-24T11:24:10+00:00

From western Europe, together for 4 years, but it has been the same with prior relationships, no matter the duration: we split expenses evenly or take turns, or just pay for our own expenses separately, or treat each other to things/events/food, so in the end, it's pretty equal, without actively keeping book. It FEELS equal.

This goes for everything that we do together. Vacations, dates, random nights out, daily expenses, etc. I was never the only one paying for dates, not even the first few times we met.

She buys me birthday and other holiday gifts and sometimes just randomly when she sees something that i would like. But we both are not gift-persons, so sometime we also just say: lets not buy each other christmas gifts, if there is nothing that comes to mind that would be a good gift. We don't do gifts out of social pressure or expectations of signs of love. It's not our love language and we freed ourselves from the social norms around gifts.

I am very happy in my relationship and absolutely satisfied with her contribution.

ExcelsiorState718 · 2024-09-24T17:51:18+00:00

What region or culture you are from (United States, Europe, Asia, Western, Eastern, etc.)

Eastern US

How long you have been together (if married, please include years dating + married)

Dating 7 years living together for 6

Does your wife/gf contribute to the household expenses? What does this split look like?

I paid all the bills everything

Does your wife/gf contribute to planned dates or the overall date fund? Have you ever split the cost of dates? Has she ever paid for date night?

I mostly paid as she was in college didn't have the money occasionally she would pay but I never required it.

Does your wife/gf buy you birthday or other holiday gifts? Has she ever bought you things randomly like a tshirt she thought would look good on you, or a morning coffee, or something else? Are you happy in your relationship? Are you satisfied with her level of contribution?

Every now and then she baught me a gift or got me something..Once again I never required it I don't care about BDs or holidays or getting gifts.She even told me she doesn't know what do do for me because I don't need anything.

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Savings-Bee-4993 · 2024-09-24T13:31:16+00:00

Midwest, U.S.
5 years.
Yes, we basically split everything 50/50. She spends more on gifts than I do, and I make less money than her.
We basically do the ‘you get this one, I’ll get the next one,’ not really making sure it’s completely equal in money spent. She doesn’t plan dates or take me on them, though we do go on dates due to my initiative. She tells me what she would like to do, and she’s happy when I take her there.
Yes, she comes from a big gifting family and often spends more on me gift-wise than I do on her. She loves getting and giving gifts. She’s much more materialistic than I am.
I’m happy with her level of contribution, and I’m happy overall. But there are some issues in our relationship (e.g. I wish she showed me more physical affection, I wish she would work on cultivating much greater mental resilience, I wish she would take me on dates, etc.).

TallFoundation7635 · 2024-09-24T11:55:13+00:00

What region or culture you are from (United States, Europe, Asia, Western, Eastern, etc.)

Born in Asia raised for the vast majority of my life in Canada.

How long you have been together (if married, please include years dating + married)

Been dating my chick for 3ish years.

Does your wife/gf contribute to the household expenses? What does this split look like?

My long term girlfriend financially contributes less than 10 percent towards our household

Does your wife/gf contribute to planned dates or the overall date fund? Have you ever split the cost of dates? Has she ever paid for date night?

I pay for 90 percent of the dates, but she also cooks for me.

Does your wife/gf buy you birthday or other holiday gifts? Has she ever bought you things randomly like a tshirt she thought would look good on you, or a morning coffee, or something else?

Yes she regularly buys me books that I love to read and colognes, just last week she bought me a cologne that i loved that rarely gets in stock.

Are you happy in your relationship? Are you satisfied with her level of contribution?

I am very happy in my relationship as of now and I am satisfied with her level of contribution, there is a difference between a traditional woman and a free loader and i believe my girlfriend is a traditional woman. She is not materialistic but believes in family and not dressing like a thot or embarrassing me in public. She'd rather I take her out to her favorite restaurant than get a gucci bag.

Specs400 · 2024-09-24T17:01:24+00:00

Long term relationship, midwest USA. We share costs, excahnge comparable gifts, etc. I don't know a single working age couple where the wife doesn't work or any recently retired couples where she didn't work, though children may have led to some time not working and/or working PT..

Creation_Soul · 2024-09-24T07:37:15+00:00

we leave in eastern europe. we met in college 10+ years ago, and we are married for about 6 years now. we both work in the same field (that we studied for in college) and we make very good money (for our country). we make about the same per year and everything goes into common accounts that we both have access to.

before we got married, we had separate finances, but we also had a common account for any household expenses where we each contributed 50-50.

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abaxeron · 2024-09-24T08:15:32+00:00

For whatever reason I see men on this sub claiming that women do not contribute financially in any capacity whatsoever (household expenses, dates, even gifts), even within relationships and marriages... Personally I do not think that’s true

The reason is regardless of what you think, in the US:

23% of married women between ages of college graduation and retirement have zero wage income (versus 6% of men); the estimate is stable since early 90s; 55% of (married 24-64) women rely on their husband as primary or sole breadwinner; the share is even higher among couples that are younger; even higher still among couples with children. Even when the woman is employed, her husband (depending on age and other factors) brings in 20 all the way up to almost 100% more money into the household. Even when you include unmarried cohabiting individuals into the picture and limit it to childless couples, it does not change fundamentally.

Sufficient to say, my personal experiences are quite well aligned with these estimates. Sole breadwinner for 10+ years now. Don't like surprises, don't accept gifts, and don't delude myself with nonsense.

Glarus30 · 2024-09-24T05:35:59+00:00

You do realize this sub is the lowest level of the sewage system of reddit, right? All the most toxic shit pools here and it's not the best indicator for what men or women think or say in general. I can't believe I have to explain this to an adult person 🤦‍♂️

On your question - I've lived in Eastern Europe and 13 years now in the US. Most women do contribute proportionally. In the overwhelming majority of LTR they contribute less money and services than the man, deal with it.

First - most men make more than most women. Second - women tend to focus only on their unpaid housework and ignore the men's. Exqmple: my SO needs to cook, clean and wash the dishes clean for 2 monts to "pay me back" for fixing the heater. You don't believe me? Call an electrician and see how much they charge. The dealership is asking for $1000 to replace the adaptive headlights on the Mercedes (that you can afford thanks to me)? 1hr job for me, $110 for 2 lightbulbs. That new mattess that just got delivered, needs to be brought upstairs and you can't even lift? $250 for a moving guy to show up. I do it alone only for the low price of a spinal fracture.

Quantity doesn't mean quality ladies, get it through your thick, self-centered skulls. For $40k/year here in Chicago I can get an au pair nanny that will cook, clean, watch the kids and probably marry me if my wife keeps bitching about trivial stuff like washing the dishes.

Unable_Evidence_4028 · 2024-09-24T18:41:49+00:00

Nope, never did, never will. She is a burden, but she open her legs, is fine with me fucking other women and is not too much of a burden, so its alright.

Married men or men in longterm relationships: does your wife/gf financially contribute to your household? If so, please elaborate.

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Title	Married men or men in longterm relationships: does your wife/gf financially contribute to your household? If so, please elaborate.
Author	leosandlattes
Upvotes	20
Comments	155
Date	September 24, 2024 4:53 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1fo4new/married_men_or_men_in_longterm_relationships_does/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/married-men-or-men-in-longterm-relationships-does.1531211 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531211