Nobody is trying to get you to lower your standards, dating is a free market

growframe · 2026-01-22T18:03:28+00:00

But... there is? There's no shirtage of comments claiming that every problem involving dating is because women have "inflated standards", "refuse to date their looksmatch", "ignore average men", and I frrquently see comments about being used for sex get very emotionally charged replies about how it's because they're "chasing top 20% men and if you just dated in your league nothing would happen".

You can claim that they aren't explicitly and boldly saying "you should lower your standards", but there's clearly an implication behind the emotive and moralising language.

NiaMiaBia · 2026-01-22T18:57:17+00:00

AGREED!!

And I fully support you wanting a millionaire supermodel with z-cups. It doesn’t bother me in the least. I’ll never understand why some folks care about others people’s desires/preferences.

I have seen people say “she think she deserves…blah blah blah” and that is also odd to me. Why in TF would anyone give a damn about what someone else thinks they deserve?

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2026-01-22T17:58:54+00:00

Are you new to this sub?

bondepart · 2026-01-22T18:16:59+00:00

So why are men on here always complaining about women’s standards being too high?

caption291 · 2026-01-22T18:09:22+00:00

Nobody gives a fuck on an individual level if you lower your standards or not.

But people absolutely give a fuck on a collective level if you lower your standards or not and that means they give a shit on the individual level just less so.

Dating is a free market,

So? Free markets aren't mutually exclusive with people wanting to get good deals.

Gravel_Roads · 2026-01-22T17:59:15+00:00

Tell all the guys posting threats titled “Women Need to Lower Their Standards”

Lysa_Bell · 2026-01-22T17:45:41+00:00

What are we debating? That people are trying to lower other people's standards? That dating isnt a free market? Whats the debate? Because I see a lot of men argue on here about "inflated standards" and "knock them down a peg". Is that what you want to debate?

AlarmingArm9919 · 2026-01-22T20:55:04+00:00

there's always the option to be single and many women are picking that one

Lots of the guys here are coping by saying "all women are only attracted to the top 20% of men", when in reality plenty of women are just content being single

more than men are, but there also are plenty of men that are happy single too

Superannuated_punk · 2026-01-22T18:21:24+00:00

Dude - I see constant whining about women’s standards being inflated by social media/datingapps/simps/orbiters/feminism.

What the fuck are you talking about?

John_Oakman · 2026-01-22T18:32:02+00:00

Social norms and community consensus exists for those partaking in societies & communities, and those who partake in them knows of the pressures that said societies & communities can apply to those who deviate from them.

Just because it's all technically not explicitly stated doesn't mean it's not there or has no effect.

mashedturnip · 2026-01-22T19:06:27+00:00

Yes they are, by complaining that women are shallow, have inflated opinions of themselves, are brainwashed by social media, only like Chad, are too picky, are too demanding, are entitled, have too many rights and freedoms and should have them taken away, will cause men to burn down society, won’t have enough babies and families, etc etc

My_House_on_Mars · 2026-01-22T19:20:45+00:00

Unpopular opinion: I think it's ok to review our own standards. I ended up obsessed with guys I initially didn't feel any spark. Sometimes you need to give it a bit of time.

However, it's not ok to demand others to lower their standards, which is something men around here do all the time

Zabadoodude · 2026-01-22T18:49:17+00:00

The part I disagree with you on is that no one is trying to get us to lower our standards. I see people on here all the time talking about how the other gender in general or a specific person needs to lower their standards.

I've had people on here call me unreasonable, and insist I need to lower my standards for only pursuing relationships with women that were ready to be intimate with me fairly early. Or for being in my mid 30's and only going for women that don't have a kids, are open to having kids, but aren't in a rush.

Women get it too:

"You can't only go for guys that are wealthier than you"

"You can't make a man wait for sex if you fucked Chad on the first date"

marthasheen · 2026-01-22T20:24:16+00:00

Dating ain't a free market women are heavily subsidised by the taxpayer. The taxpayer pays for women's security, enforces women's claim on mens income and funds campaigns promoting being attracted to ugly/fat/bitchy women

Naragub · 2026-01-23T06:58:25+00:00

The point was trying to get people to recognize their externally-derived self concept as someone inherently attractive came from an insanely lopsided level of demand. Or more just highlighting it for regular people who aren’t viscerally offended by this notion lmao

Rule_Number_7 · 2026-01-22T18:11:24+00:00

It’s a balance. Have all the standards/requirements you want. It’s simply that some will make it more difficult. It’s up to people to decide if they keep those standards/requirements or let go a little (or a lot), but they also have to be ok with lowering them to any degree if they choose to do so. On the flip side, they need to be ok with remaining alone for the foreseeable if they don’t modify them. Can’t always have it all, unfortunately.

CaptainLee9137 · 2026-01-22T17:50:39+00:00

Not wanting to lower one’s standards is fine, but expecting more from your partner due to bitterness and resentment is where problems start. That is if you do indeed ‘lower standards.’

ChewedMyWayOutOfThat · 2026-01-22T19:37:43+00:00

but I don't have to lower my standards either.

Yeah, but men lowering their standards requires men to have standards in the first place. Men don't. That's the problem. Men refuse to raise their standards because they're too fucking lazy to do the corresponding work to make themselves appealing.

Also, who the fuck is telling men to lower their standards? If anything, society is telling men to raise their standards, like telling women to raise their standards or else they'll end up with shitty husbands that abandon their wives when the wives get sick.

ImaginaryDimension74 · 2026-01-22T18:20:26+00:00

That famous Psychology article on “male loneliness” was definitely pushing the idea that men should lower their standards even more.

Men marrying down and supporting women means the rest of society doesn’t have to, so there are definitely interests that encourage men to date and marry down. Hypergamy is the norm in most societies.

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Just-Path-5838 · 2026-01-22T18:27:43+00:00

By the letter of the post people definitely do want others to lower their standards.

If I thought I could date Jenna Ortega if she lowered her standards, then yeah I'd try to get her to lower her standards. Some version of this is definitely happening all the time

I think your point is that you're worth what you can get and nobody deserves anything, there I do agree.

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2026-01-22T18:38:34+00:00

Well so who cares if its a free market. If society push that the good deal should always be on one side.

And not a mutual effort thing.

And that both sides should get the value they care about its only natural more people on both sides pull away. Cause to many people are more busy with there own selfish needs and not thinking about putting any of the standards they demand in the other side on them selfs. And in this society plenty of people are very selfish so makes many people are not quality dating or partnership macterial.

Especially cause if your always looking out for your self at every turn. You can't put someone else before you you can't look in a partnership or common goal type of way. And that is so common that many people are a lot more ok to not dating at all.

Cause the more selfish you are the less likely people wanna be around you or wanna date past the short term.

And thats much of the modern way of looking at things right. Do the things thats fun do the things that feel good.

Can't expect any duties placed on both sides and as soon as things stop being easy and fun just give up and go to the next person. The modern way of relationships.

Yea not interested if its anyway like that. If equal effort and equal labor and love and understanding is put in both sides and if she gets to demand things of me I get to demand things back. I'm not interested.

Why the whole modern chivalry can die. Where performance and effort gets placed on one side to just be judged with zero performance or effort on the other side.

If effort and investment is not done on both sides. Till proper title or relationship is made. And even then onward equal effort and job and roles people give and service to each other. So both gain from each other. In different ways. I find modern outlook on relationships hallow and shallow so zero interest in it the way society pushes relationships should be.

All fun and games but as soon as things stop being easy to just bail and go to the next one. Big reason why I have been single for a long time before I got my now girlfriend. As from a big city norms and values don't aline at all. What makes me just never be interested at all at all. And the causal hook up culture disgust me in a big way

Yuppiesgotohell · 2026-01-22T18:51:31+00:00

He didn't specifically say it, nor did he specifically refute it, but this goes both ways. If a woman doesn't want to date you, that sucks, but there's probably another woman out there who will be better to you anyway. No point in getting caught up on partners that aren't interested in you. Join a club for a hobby you have, if you don't find a partner then you'll at least make some new friends. It's also not even "lowering your standards" that's such a toxic concept that probably only arose from small minded men and women trying to slander one another. Get off your fuckin high horse, you're not "lowering your standards" you're "reevaluating your priorities". You're not inherently "too good" for anyone, and you don't inherently "deserve" more than you're worth, cause tbh none of us are worth jack shit, so I don't see the point in competing to see who is the least shitty turd. Just go about engaging in relationships in a healthier manner so we can focus more on actually correcting misandry and misogyny.

But thanks for making a black and white post about this. I've noticed people, and myself sometimes, tending to focus on gray areas that are situational or dependent on the individuals. I've even seen people say that black and white solutions are worthless and everything needs to be gray area. That's the most bureaucratic bs I've ever heard, gray areas are good if you don't want progress to ever be made. I say K.I.S.S. most of us are clearly dumb as shit. Good is good, bad is bad

Inevitable-Age-8069 · 2026-01-22T21:18:31+00:00

As long as one is content being alone? Don't lower your standards. But if you are miserable alone and need companionship? Then it's worth at least adjusting your standards. It's not always about LOWERING, sometimes you just need to be open to other types of people. Like if your standard is blondes, consider brunettes. That isn't necessarily lower - it is just different.

Super_Good_Stuff · 2026-01-22T21:46:04+00:00

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You don't "HAVE TO" lower your standards...

Due_Appointment_1188 · 2026-01-23T08:00:52+00:00

I mean you're not wrong. You can have any criteria you want, nobody can force you to adjust them. The invisible hand of the market just slaps you with outcomes.

Personally? I only date high-interest women, even if that means often (but not always) dating slightly down. Makes dating super low friction instead of chasing fantasy trophies.

Emergency-Sell-6713 · 2026-01-24T08:20:06+00:00

I guess it's the same kind of thing as voting or being a vegan. You think "one more or one less won't change anything", and it's true, but every individual contributes towards huge numbers. PPD users have this in mind a lot, and that makes it so a ton of people will get harassed just for existing the way they do, because people think that if they can change one person's mind suddenly the statistics will change.

berichorbeburied · 2026-01-22T18:09:16+00:00

Women want men to lower their standards

I for one don’t care about women’s standards as a whole

And the big boob women I do care about

I just try to reach whatever standard it is so I can have consensual sex

That’s the attitude you need to have

All this love and fairness and etc is for friendships

Women are ruthless and show no mercy

Don’t argue for enpathy and fairness they will just take advantage

You think they are trying to be with men they can’t benefit from?

You think their main goal is to have sex all the time?

You think that they actually value male attractiveness in of itself

At the end of the day. Don’t argue about these matters it’s pointless

It’s not a free market. It’s a heavily regulated female market.

And you just have to play to get what you want out of it

It’s not fair. It’s not right. They will moralize and throw propaganda on you

When you fail it’s your fault. When they fail it’s men and the system and oppression

Don’t argue. Just find a way to win

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2026-01-22T17:49:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Axis_Control · 2026-01-23T16:08:37+00:00

The men telling us to lower our standards are because they are angry they got rejected by us.

Lowering standards is a really bad idea and will lead to being with a guy and being miserable and possibly treated like shit.

Ladies don't lower your standards for a man even if you "love" him.

Blacktransjanny · 2026-01-22T19:03:07+00:00

I see a hell of a lot more women telling men they need to "step up" and accept women as they are (single moms, obese, low earning, unkempt...) than women trying to step up and be a more attractive option (fit, wealthy, flirty, etc...).

fellow_who_uses_redd · 2026-01-22T21:07:36+00:00

I am. I think women should lower their standards. A lot.

Title	Nobody is trying to get you to lower your standards, dating is a free market
Author	N_Count_Council
Upvotes	33
Comments	176
Date	January 22, 2026 5:42 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qk16sp/nobody_is_trying_to_get_you_to_lower_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/nobody-is-trying-to-get-you-to-lower-your.1571754 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571754

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