The Idea That "Men Should Pay For Dates Because Men Tend to Do Less Housework" Is You Admitting You Treat Men Like a Monolith

Several_Ability3315 · 2026-08-05T17:03:29+00:00

Never heard of that in my life. If you’re already in a relationship with them, they tend to pay aswell but I’m not sure why it matters too much. Taking them out for a first date I don’t mind paying but I only take them when they show heavy attraction to begin with I don’t have to question if they like me. Women initiate divorce because the relationship isn’t fulfilling their emotional and attraction needs. It usually is after an extended period of time with that being the case. Some people are content with a dull transactional relationship, some aren’t. Why do men stay in unhappy marriages, out of fear? People can do as they wish with their own lives anyways. You do not have to get with women demanding you pay for dates. If you lack other options then decide what you want to do. Who cares what the internet says, not everyone thinks that way. If she likes you that much all of the games that you see online cease to exist anyways. I can’t relate with any of it. What does housework have to do with anything when you are just now meeting eachother. If a woman goes on a date with a guy she isn't really into, she's probably thinking, "Hey, at least I get a free steak out of this." She isn't thinking about the division of domestic labor in a hypothetical household.

fools_errand49 · 2026-08-05T17:34:33+00:00

Is she gonna come over and clean my hoise after the date?

Expensive_Lion1807 · 2026-08-05T17:44:53+00:00

Here we go again…if you don’t want to pay for a date, use your big boy words and say so before hand. It’s really not that hard.

Yes, that does mean that the women who expect men to pay aren’t going to date you. Why is that a problem? You aren’t compatible with them anyway.

Why would you want to date someone who isn’t compatible and rage about it instead of using that time and energy to date people you are compatible with?

We get it. You want the women you want to change themselves and their preferences in order to be compatible with you, but never seem to have an explanation for why they would want to (and no, you wanting them to isn’t actually a good reason).

Somehow we never see women raging that the men they want to date won’t pay for dates. They just choose not to date those men.

Why can’t men do the same thing?

Whiskeymyers75 · 2026-08-05T17:38:41+00:00

I’d just send her packing.

chamomilecloud · 2026-08-05T17:18:39+00:00

I don’t think men “should” pay for dates, however I think it is likely that a man will do less housework regardless. I am not mad about this, as I think this can be assessed in the first few months of a relationship. If he is a slob or he does not do the dishes after dinner together or something, you can just break up with him and send him on his way.

Additionally, if you want children, it is also less likely that a man will be willing to give up his career advancement to be the primary parent. It is women who are normally give up her career advancement to be the primary parent. That is not something that is normally talked about at the beginning of a relationship, however, I think this is a reasonable assumption to make about men. This only applies to people who want children though, and so I cannot explain why child free women would want to look for men who are will “provide” out of some exchange for parenting duties.

Women are stereotyped by men based on what we wear or how attractive we are or whether we are highly educated and have a lucrative career. I mean them’s the breaks, right, people adjust their expectations based on what they see in real life. I do not know why this would bother anyone; it certainly does not bother me when men see me wearing a crop top and assume I’m a mega slut or something. The reality is that he is not the kind of man I would be dating anyway so why should I give a shit what he thinks? He could fall into a volcano tomorrow and I will not care. If you do not want to date women like this, you literally do not have to interact with them.

SovereignFemmeFudge · 2026-08-05T17:12:25+00:00

Patterns over promises. If you do not want to pay, don't. Be honest about it upfront when extending your invitations if you're REALLY about that life, but if not. Women who do not align with your outlook will pay, some who are abundant may even pay for you so you can keep your little coins. And never see you again. No one loses? What is the issue? The issue is you do not get to dictate whatever process a woman decides to take to dating and her standards, boundaries and expectations regarding access to her. There are plenty of women upfront about preferring to split the bill upfront.

Why not focus on them and let this go? Live and let live dear.

Large_Bed_4251 · 2026-08-05T18:23:38+00:00

Also, what percentage of men get housework done after one date?

JollyBowler2510 · 2026-08-05T17:32:10+00:00

I just wish men would either pay or don't. Stop arguing the shit, women who want men to pay aren't going to pay, period, point blank. The best thing for men to do is to be straight up, and say hey, I don't pay for the first few dates and that's how I see it. You'll get the girl who are willing to pay, and that be it.

Christ it has to be tiring to argue this shit all the time, either do it or don't.

Lacunaethra · 2026-08-05T16:48:39+00:00

Lol, the whole post of yours is admitting you treat women like a monolith.

The opinion presented by you as "ours" is not exactly widespread outside of online ragebait.

Competitive_Swan_130 · 2026-08-05T17:10:34+00:00

Most women these days will pay for our own and yours if it means ending a date with a person like you who in 2026 is still yaping about having to pay for the 2 for 1 special you guys got at Chili's.

This is such a stupid, 1990s ass issue that nobody cares about any more because we are not impressed by nor give any points to men who pay for meals. Its not that big of a deal, We have jobs too. The things you have read about the dating world are old. Start dating yourself or update your info. Buying food, having a car, putting frames on the pictures you have on your wall, having a bed with a frame are all below level or baseline shit that does nothing for most women.

I remember a guy who tried to impress me with his new Iphone like wtf? Ill buy you a macbook if you leave me alone sir,

Beneficial_Cow_1817 · 2026-08-05T16:47:58+00:00

Well yeah captain obvious, if someone is generalizing a group of people they're treating them like a monolith. Do you happen to eat crayons and glue for breakfast as well???

eggsceptnllyoeuffish · 2026-08-05T16:49:59+00:00

Idk, I think it's reasonable for people to be bothered if men on average aren't doing an equal amount of housework, even if the average doesn't mean all men aren't doing an equal amount of housework

Personally I just think it's weird that a lot of folks respond to "men on average are doing an unequally low amount of housework" with "ok, then men should do an unequally high amount of paying for dates in response" rather than "men should just do an equal amount of both things". Like, increasingly, when folks complain about inequalities that men benefit from, the response seems to be to more or less want to codify traditional gender roles and just sort of make some attempt to "equalize them in the aggregate" by also codifying traditional gender roles in ways to try to make women get more advantage from them, rather than that old idea of "just screw the gender roles and have a more substantial sort of equality" that so many people now seem to think was an utterly unbearable "woke" idea from the late 2000s and 2010s that apparently just needs to be left behind and consigned to the garbage bin of cringe or something

Big_Psychology_3 · 2026-08-05T17:02:13+00:00

More like some women are terribly inefficient at home chores. Some women will waste time on unnecessary things like doilies and coasters, then complain that they have too much chores. And some men will avoid home chores for so long that the garbage starts to stink but they imagine the home is all clean. Both genders have most people terrible at home chores.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-08-05T16:46:49+00:00

Stereotypes exist for a reason, it's how we think. We don't evaluate everything from the scratch, we find patterns and recognize them and apply them when they fit. Same here. So the question isn't "is it stereotype" but "is it true". And it's true. So, i don't feel bad at all thinking about men like that. sue me.

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Robot_Alchemist · 2026-08-06T15:08:38+00:00

Do you know what a monolith is?

Gilmoregirlin · 2026-08-06T19:32:24+00:00

I don't think this is why the women who want men to pay for dates want them to pay for dates? Who told you this?

Used-Possession8296 · 2026-08-07T12:00:48+00:00

This isn't the reason why. I honestly dont know the exact reason men pay. I'm assuming it's because it used to be taboo for women to work. Women couldn't even open a bank account and it was ultimately very difficult for women to have money of their own, so the man had to pay. It's just a tradition that carried on, even though its no longer necessary. It is, what it is. At least, that's my theory.

Salty-Map-942 · 2026-08-08T09:06:07+00:00

I've heard of the stereotype where their excuse is that putting on makeup is more expensive and time consuming then it takes for men, so therefore men should pay, but I haven't heard this one before haha 😅

ThatBitchA · 2026-08-05T17:08:30+00:00

Idk. I've always dated men who pay for first dates AND do housework.

My husband paid for our first date. And he takes out the trash, cleans the bathrooms, does laundry, etc.

I haven't cleaned a toilet or touched a trash can in almost 5 years. 🤣🤣🤣

If a man doesn't want to pay for a date. That's fine. Communicate that up front. If the women agrees, great, that's a win win. If she doesn't, she's not compatible, also a win win.

Honestly, if y'all don't want to pay for dates don't. But don't be upset when some women reject that. 🤷‍♀️

Enough-Business-8287 · 2026-08-05T16:52:31+00:00

I agree this is a bad argument, we cannot assume that a guy we date will be a lazy asshole at home (actually, we hope he isn't otherwise we wouldn't date him) and we shouldn't treat him as such. Otherwise, as a woman having a rather well-paying job, I don't see any need to do that.

However, your angry tone obscures the fact that unpaid housework / care work is a HUGE problem for many women throughout the world who suffer from it.
Moreover, at least in modern France, I and the large majority of my female friends don't expect a guy who invites us to automatically pay our meal.
And you overestimate the importance of the problem, even in places where men have to pay drinks to women they are interested in, there are few who grow broke because of this.

AcephalicDude · 2026-08-05T16:54:22+00:00

Does anyone actually use this justification?

I think it's more just a traditional chivalry thing. I don't know of any dudes that think of it in this transactional way.

GroundbreakingAlps78 · 2026-08-05T17:34:40+00:00

I have never heard this as a reason men should pay lol.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2026-08-05T22:36:18+00:00

Are you shadowboxing? I’ve never seen anyone argue that men should pay for dates because they’ll eventually do less housework. That doesn’t even make sense. When you’re dating, there’s no shared housework because you’re not living together.

If you don’t want to pay, don’t. Will it shrink your dating pool? Probably. But the people left will be compatible with you. This is such a non-issue.

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-08-05T22:38:48+00:00

Has a woman ever actually said this to you. In person?

The tiny tiny amount of women who think a man should pay for dates because in the future she’s going to be doing more housework if the relationship gets that far are allowed their opinion. I wouldn’t date them. You shouldn’t either.

sublimemongrel · 2026-08-05T23:15:58+00:00

What. First off - who in their right mind is saying paying for dates during the dating period at all is equivalent to a potential lifetime or even just a few years of doing more housework? Whomever is saying that has the whole premise wrong to begin with. Those are not and will never be equivalent like effort or financial value wise except maybe in a very small minority of cases.

Secondly - you don’t actually think women who insist the man pays for dates in early dating are legitimately thinking to themselves “this is future payment for all that unpaid domestic labor I intend to do disproportionately to him if we do end up being more than just dating” do you? 😂

PassengerHefty8207 · 2026-08-06T02:41:47+00:00

Your premise is a little shaky

You try establishing that women are attempting to secure a perceived future debt based on "stereotypes" by making the men pay upfront, but firstly, there's actual, hard data bearing out that men consistently do less housework than women (https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/feature/how-do-u-s-men-and-women-spend-their-time/).

And secondly, because women and men are not monoliths, each and every single one of us will have our own take. There is not one, single, unified opinion that is universally applicable within North America, especially since "who pays" is tied to culture/social mores (like some middle eastern countries make a big show out of arguing who pays, for example).

So you're not open to dating women who expect you to pay. You're entitled to your preferences! Only date women who either agree to go 50/50 or some other arrangement that works for both of you. Nobody is going to drag you out of bed and night and wallop you over the head for it!

What's interesting to me is how many of you lament feminism and desire a return to traditional family values... While being entirely unwilling to be the traditional head of the household.

sackfistin · 2026-08-05T16:51:22+00:00

Why do you care? No one wants to date you anyway lol

Fondacey · 2026-08-05T17:29:36+00:00

Who says this?

Shrimptank_mom · 2026-08-05T21:07:07+00:00

Men should be the ones who pay for most things. The earn more.

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