Insecurity claim is so overused

Littleknownfacts · 2019-03-14T01:07:38+00:00

This thread is being tagged as CMV, top level comments must challenge the OP on at least one point. OP, please familiarize yourself with the rules of CMVs, I'll give you an extra hour before I go to bed to reply to comments.

deathbedof7 · 2019-03-13T22:35:39+00:00

I'd rather be insecure than let someone with a dick fill my ass

sexykavu · 2019-03-13T22:06:11+00:00

The slut one's the most annoying because my reasoning for not wanting to date sluts isn't because of their numbers, it's because of the behaviors and issues they usually have. Exceptions exist, but it has never been about the number to me. It just so happens that girls with startingly high n counts tend to be unstable and not good partners

WhiteningMcClean · 2019-03-13T21:54:42+00:00

This is a good post.

The best comeback is bringing up the fact that almost no women want to date a guy shorter than them. The reason they give? Usually it's something about wanting to wear heels or not feeling womanly. A la, a textbook example of insecurity.

For what it's worth, I think everyone's entitled to preferences. That includes the above example, it includes men, and it includes concerns about sexual history. Trying to shame someone into being okay with something they clearly aren't doesn't work.

throwawayhouseissue1 · 2019-03-13T22:09:29+00:00

I think the worst thing about the word and tactic of shouting insecurity (in this context) is this is the shaming language that is used as a weapon against men.

Also, how long do you think a guy will be happy raising some other guy's kids because you guilt him into it and pat his head occasionally while secretly hoping Chad comes back. ...Then you claim that guy is insecure?

washington_breadstix · 2019-03-13T22:34:44+00:00

Yep, I totally agree. It's something I've tried to bring up before, especially in the context of the "dating a (former) slut" argument. Having preferences and setting boundaries for yourself does not make you insecure. I think the "insecurity" label is thrown around by women with high n-counts who feel personally attacked when they are confronted with the notion of men wanting to avoid them.

And some of those others are just flat-out the opposite of insecure, like this one:

Don’t want to “man up” and take care of a single mom and her 3 kids? Insecure

Ha. Nope, a guy is insecure if he's so desperate for female attention that he's willing to settle for that situation. A self-assured man will either stay single or lock down something far better.

LeJacquelope · 2019-03-14T01:47:01+00:00

Funny how women get away with their insecurities, which is literally the foundation for hypergamy.

[deleted] · 2019-03-13T23:18:53+00:00

Calling a woman a slut for being a slut is not shaming. Calling a man insecure for not LTRing a slut is shaming tactics. Learn the difference, bloops.

AstuteBlackMan · 2019-03-13T23:01:22+00:00

It's just a shaming tactic

Littleknownfacts · 2019-03-13T21:57:06+00:00

Nah, other way around. It is insecurity, but it's perfectly okay to be insecure. Insecure is a perfectly valid human emotion and it's as good of a reason to do/not do something as anything else. Just go, "yeah, I'm insecure. So what?" And their argument is deflated.

cxj · 2019-03-13T22:40:32+00:00

I’m not interested in going around to random sluts on the street and saying “haha you’re a slut” and pointing to them like Nelson from the simpsons.

hahahahaha

I would further add to this post that insecurity is not inherently a character flaw. I've been meaning to do an OP on this and can't remember if I did already, but essentially, it is normal and realistic to feel insecure at certain times.

For example, I have been arrested several times and had to sit for 10+ hours in a holding tank with mostly losers but also some obvious hardcore gang members arrested for violent felonies. I feel insecure sitting right next to the 6'3" Norteno with XIV tattooed on his throat, not because of some character flaw of mine, but because this man is actually, in reality, a very dangerous person and am unsafe simply being in his proximity. I cannot leave this tiny area and have virtually no means of defending myself assuming he attacks me for any reason. If he wanted me dead, he could probably kill me in a matter of seconds and no one would care, there is literally nothing I could do about the situation. I am powerless here and that sucks. Fortunately the gang member probably won't attack me without provocation but its still scary.

Another examlpe: some average height, average looking 5/10 22 year old struggles with dating all his life to finally luck out and get the genuine affection of a 7/10 qt in his social circle, they've been dating a year or so, sex is regular and enthusiastic. They're at a party and both kind of tipsy but not wasted and some tipsy 9/10 6'3" Chad starts hitting on her, she's responding flirtatiously, and our beta feels intensely insecure because in the dating world, he is exactly who he'd be in jail and this Chad is the romantic equivalent of the gang member. He probably won't actually steal your girl, she almost certainly won't cheat with that guy at all least of all with her boyfriend there, but he's clearly the bigger more desirable dog, there's nothing to be done about it and it really sucks. He's feeling insecure about a credible threat, not a made up one.

We can flip genders: 7/10 betty has been burned bad 1-2 times by ons/fwb she thought would turn into an LTR and it didn't. She finally meets "Mr Right" and they've been dating happily for a year, discussed marriage and kids comfortably in the future, no major problems really. Suddenly they're tipsy at a part and sloppy sally bursts onto the scene wearing something gratuitously slutty, immediately grabbing the attention of the whole room. Unfortunately, ol' Sal has a bangin body, everyone's seen her nudes and frankly they're amazing, and all the Chads talk about how great a lay she is. Now, "Mr. Right" won't commit to this girl, but if he was single he very well may bang her, her sex appeal is indeniable, and Betty is not irrational feeling threatened by her. Sloppy Sal is a credible threat to her otherwise stable relationship she values and that's scary.

Rather than writing off people's negative feelings as character flaws, we should acknowledge that credible threats exist to things people care a lot about, they may be confused with non credible threats sometimes, and this is not always a deep character flaw. It becomes a problem and character flaw when people start demanding shit like social media passwords and deleting other guys/girls numbers out of their phones etc. There is a point where this becomes a character flaw but its not most people and its really irritating how people immediately jump to conclusions that it is.

Aldehydee · 2019-03-13T22:30:29+00:00

Preach; the word's meaning is now ruined because of how overused it is.

krypticNexus · 2019-03-14T03:28:18+00:00

It's actually infuriating how often the "insecure" attack is used. Not because of the word itself, but because of how nonsensical it is. It makes no sense. The only reason people use it is either because they're morons or they know it's an invalid attack but use it anyways because they know it's effective. The word is used in bad faith as an ad hom to avoid actual discussion on how people actually feel.

matt675 · 2019-03-14T06:23:16+00:00

Insecure? No. I have self respect

Tookthemethpill · 2019-03-13T22:26:22+00:00

most NPCs can't retort with facts and reasoning which is why they aim to denigrate your thesis by shaming you and putting you in a bad light.

sad part it works most of the time.

leftwingsoysquad · 2019-03-13T22:38:26+00:00

Don't want a grown man having sex with your transgender kids while you get fucked in the ass by a tranny? Why are you so insecure? lol typical white male fragility!

This bullshit doesn't work on blacks from the hood (despite the huge amount of them that are on the DL, they will hide their shameful acts at least, face-saving is important to high-T cultures such as blacks, arabs, etc.)

Xemnas81 · 2019-03-13T23:56:13+00:00

Insecurity is a funny one as if you believe in hypergamy then they're basically asking you to just...get over the fact they'll leave for somebody of higher value at some point.

And of course anything men do which maximises their imperative e.g. dread game is controlling, her insecurity is totally justified they say.

Gynocentrism, same old same old.

poppy_blu · 2019-03-14T00:34:42+00:00

Human nature. People basically believe theyre entitled to their preferences (which they are) while simultaneously believing they’re entitled to get butthurt when someone else’s preferences exclude them. Short men mad about women who won’t date them who have a long list of women they openly refuse to date, for example.

Essentially everyone wants to be the rejecter not the rejected.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-03-13T22:33:50+00:00

Insecurity is a dumb insult because literally everyone is insecure.

That said when I think of people crying insecure over a guy who won’t date a slut or single mom, it’s usually in the context of them making entire communities for trashing such women, writing pages of content over how garbage those women are. The insecure accusation usually comes after seeing someone spend that much time hating on a woman he doesn’t even know.

I don’t care if you don’t date certain women, but there’s something ain’t right if you spend all day cherry picking those types to deride. I wouldn’t say insecure, more just regular douche.

sadomasochrist · 2019-03-13T22:52:22+00:00

TRP is amoral for a reason.

Whisper · 2019-03-14T05:48:08+00:00

I disagree.

I think it's underused. The more it gets used, the more people will start to notice that it's simply a way of asserting that up is down, black is white, night is day, etc.

I could, for example, say that I am so secure in my morality that I can pour lighter fluid on babies and set them on fire. You don't set babies on fire? You must be insecure about being a good person... therefore I am morally superior to you.

I can say I am so secure about my heterosexuality that I only ever have sex with men. You don't have sex with men? You must be secretly gay, and insecure about it.

I can say that I am so secure in wealth that I choose to be jobless and live on the streets. You own your own home? What are you compensating for, you broke-ass poor person?

Up is down, black is white, night is day.

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iceicle999 · 2019-03-13T23:53:32+00:00

OP, are you new to all this? I've dealt with this for years. I'm hardened to it and I don't even notice it much anymore because I'm busy doing other things. It's in everyone's best interests in western society to try to manipulate white men into approving of them and serving their needs. Go figure. That is your answer, they are the true insecure ones desperate for the approval of the most derided yet most worshiped demographic to ever exist.

throwawaydx85 · 2019-03-14T01:10:39+00:00

If youre not willing to fuck transwomen or transmen youre a fucking bigot

The-Wizard-of-Oz- · 2019-03-14T03:57:22+00:00

True.👍

ashitanothrowaway · 2019-03-14T04:06:29+00:00

I get this alot when I ask questions. They were hard questions for me, which is why I ask online, on a throwaway account. Yes, I have some insecurities. What I am not insecure about is asking questions and people trolling, though. As a person with some insecurities, I know one when I see one. Dismissing someone's claims/questions is a tell-tale sign.

rhyth7 · 2019-03-14T05:38:40+00:00

Again my point is that everything but that one detiail is perfect. Dream girl but she was born a man. Beautiful as fucks and probably ultra femine and sub and basically what dudes say they want but still rejected because ew phantom peen.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-03-14T05:45:01+00:00

If you are getting offended by the opinions of strangers on the internet, you are already losing.

Bigsmell1983 · 2019-03-14T07:19:10+00:00

Ignore it then

exit_sandman · 2019-03-14T08:28:00+00:00

Two nitpicks: The accusation of insecurity isn't guilting, it's more shaming; and I rarely see it utilized here at PPD apart from the usual idiots.

agpie9 · 2019-03-14T08:57:48+00:00

People who are secure about XYZ don't really waste too much of their time caring about other people's opinions on the subject. Especially strangers on the internet.

esiemualB · 2019-03-14T15:14:43+00:00

The insecurity claim is not that people who don't want to do a certain thing are always refusing to do it out of insecurity. The claim is that some of the possible reasons behind the unwillingness to do something are related to an insecurity. For example, there are men who don't want to be pegged, not because they think it would not be enjoyable for them (which would be a valid reason not to try something), but because they're worried that they would enjoy it and that it would make them question their sexuality.

Also, insecurities aren't necessarily a bad thing, it's how you deal with them that makes the difference. There are many people who refuse to acknowledge that they have an insecurity, and so, being confronted with their insecurities makes them uncomfortable and they lash out against the person who confronted them. This is a problem, especially for people who make others confront their insecurities by merely existing. Therefore, it is only reasonable to ask people to question their motives and make them confront their insecurities from a safe environment.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-13T23:27:38+00:00

Very often on this sub

no you dont

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-03-14T01:11:58+00:00

The people worried about being called insecure are insecure.

Hawanja · 2019-03-14T15:17:42+00:00

See this is what I don't understand about you people. You complain that men don't like slutty behavior,

Women know that some men don’t view that behavior in a positive light and so if we agree they have agency, they are responsible for the potential relational consequences that could occur later in life.

Yet at the same time complain that women aren't slutty enough,

Women also know that a higher percentage of men would probably be upset if they hold out on the slutty behavior they were exhibiting before getting together with them.

So which one is it? You can't have a virgin who's never been with another guy that instantly spreads her legs five minutes after meeting you. It's either one or the other - do you want a woman who wants to fuck you, or not? What the hell do you actually want?

ilptrandom · 2019-03-14T23:56:07+00:00

" Very often on this sub and others I see insecurity thrown around so often for people’s replies to posts. "

A lot of what people do is due to insecurity. I mean feel free to argue against any one particular use of it as an argument, but if you're arguing that it isn't a huge reason for the things you and everyone else does in life then hahahahahahaha no.

" What I don’t understand is people trying to guilt(the very thing they claim to be against) men into doing something they clearly don’t want to do. "

They aren't trying to guilt you into doing those things. They are trying to point out that stronger more secure people than you do those things sometimes and that you'd have a wider range of possible choices you could consider in your life if you weren't such a goddamn coward. This is not entirely unwarranted in most cases as an argument, because in most cases the "potential partners are such low quality" argument is being put by someone who knows very well that is irrelevant to the problem at hand and what they should do is shit (go for the less than perfect choice) or get off the pot (stop whining and embrace being single with gusto) They are trying to prompt you to learn to be brave and deal with reality and stop that terrible whining noise.

rhyth7 · 2019-03-14T05:11:21+00:00

If somebody is trans but you couldn't tell without them telling you, why does it matter. If a woman is the best woman you ever met, why does it matter her number? If everything else about these ppl is great, then why does one thing, in the past, matter? I just don't get that

Title	Insecurity claim is so overused
Author	Modernlaugh
Upvotes	96
Comments	278
Date	March 13, 2019 9:48 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b0rv2u/insecurity_claim_is_so_overused/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/insecurity-claim-is-so-overused.256768 https://theredarchive.com/post/256768

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