Why “50/50” is so often still unequal...

BlackJeepW1 · 2021-02-27T03:32:58+00:00

How hard is it to look with your eyes and see that the sink is full of dirty dishes or the trash is full? It’s not like they don’t see it. Usually they are the one balancing stuff on top of the trash and putting dirty dishes in an already full sink. You can imagine their brains going “someone should take care of that” and then walking away.

The_Oracle_of_Delphi · 2021-02-27T03:21:59+00:00

So glad that they’re breaking this down and trying to educate the others...

stealthreplife · 2021-02-27T04:19:43+00:00

I'm tickled that there's just a panel of dudes discussing this and the two guys are nodding along intently. The guy in the middle seems sensible, I hope more dudes listen to him than they do to fucking Joe Rogan

purasangria · 2021-02-27T03:43:22+00:00

Exactly this. And do it properly, don't half-ass it.

souredskittles · 2021-02-27T03:15:35+00:00

They know.

God bless I will just be able to throw out a man once he proves to be useless.

TheDameWithoutASmile · 2021-02-27T03:55:52+00:00

So the project manager thing is mentioned in a comic called The Mental Load (good read, btw), but I like the fact the middle guy points out that men should just do it because it's their home too. It's not just stopping at, "This isn't 50/50", but goes even a little deeper than that.

Who are these guys? I'd like to check out more of their stuff if it's like this.

Exsqueeze_meh · 2021-02-27T03:44:34+00:00

👏👏👏 spread the word guys! 🙌🙌🙌

Dormouse_in_a_teapot · 2021-02-27T06:55:54+00:00

If a man doesn’t want to do housework, he should 100% hire a cleaning service

coldfoot23 · 2021-02-27T04:11:31+00:00

I’m glad they’re talking about this, but y’all are grown and should know this by now. If you’re parking your ass on the couch at the end of the day clean your own goddamn house, take care of your fucking kids. Ffs.

glendoraza · 2021-02-27T04:22:03+00:00

It’s nice seeing men finally address this content.

It’s also sad that other men only take it seriously when men point this out, but if we point it out, it’s nagging or irrelevant.

So kudos to progress

DifferentBar6 · 2021-02-27T06:28:19+00:00

Watch and learn, boys!

You want a woman to want to be with you? Step up and be a man.

CloacaDiddler · 2021-02-27T09:05:31+00:00

THIS THIS THIS

Once men can master this, and then actually do a chore the way it needs to be done, I’ll start considering them an equal partner. Step one, notice the dishes need to be done, step two, fully and completely wash dishes such as they are cleaned, dried, and put away. Not swished dirty water over. Not put in the wrong drawers. Not left out, half done and half sitting on the counters.

why is this so fucking HARD goddamnit I’m already struggling not to think of them as low level apes and they don’t need to prove it more

90860008 · 2021-02-27T04:45:58+00:00

As a junior project manager, I agree. This crap is annoying....

indisfury · 2021-02-27T06:02:07+00:00

This!... OMG... at the end of the marriage, after busting my guts to keep the house running, working, studying, ensuring the children were organised every single day, and keeping track of everything that needing doing, all apts, bills, holidays etc...

He actually had the audacity to tell he felt like a subserviant because all I did was delegate to him... poor thing he never got a say. Bollocks!

NOPE! and NOPE!

He wasnt subserviant he just never stepped up and took initiative for one single thing, if I didnt make a decision or point out something which needed doing...it would never get done or I'd be lumped with doing all of it..

What shall we have for dinner? What do you want for your birthday? Do you want to go for dinner? Where do you want to go? Do you want to find somewhere and let me know? Will you book or shall I? Who should we get to babysit? What are we going to do this weekend? What time do you want to leave? Which car shall we take? What should I wear? Where do we park? What do we bring? Do we need any ingredients?

On and on and on... it was exhausting...

And if the kids asked him literally anything... the standard response was always...I dont know, go ask your mother...

FFS... just make a goddamn decision... I already answer 500 questions an hour from the kids... figure out what needs doing on your own for once! we both live here! They are both our children!

According to him I had some magic power that only allowed me to see things that no one else could... like a sink full of dishes... or that he had no clean shirts left... honestly if it wasnt pointed out to him that something needed doing he would ignore it, or pretend that he hadnt noticed it... until I mentioned it.

And off course then hed say hed do it, but then not do it and the cycle would begin... "have you done it yet?", "nope not yet", "have you done it yet?", "nope not yet", "OK, so when?" "I said Id do it, stop nagging", "Er, when?", "when Im ready"....

Got so bad, didnt want to even talk to him, made lists instead.. he still barely did anything.... and if he did actually manage to finish something on the list...

Oh lordy... if he wasnt then showered with adequate praise and gratitude would never hear the end of it... how hes so unappreciated... how he does everything... how hard he works...

deep breath...eye roll...

Like seriously, where was this vid 15 years ago?

TexiMcCrae · 2021-02-27T04:25:25+00:00

Where the FUCK can I find a man that knows this as facts?

sleepysiri · 2021-02-27T10:22:36+00:00

This is so validating. Maybe they’ll actually listen since it’s coming from a man.

Waste-Win · 2021-02-27T12:40:46+00:00

Oh God the memories of my ex are coming back, His place was a mess, I always complained about how messy and dirty it was I have to admit that for my own sanity I even helped him to clean a few times, at the time I was living with my parents and he would tell me "if you lived alone it would be just the same, you are lazy too", jokes on fucking him, I live in my own apartment and I keep it really clean and tidy, he was just trying to justify his mess.

AlpacaFancyAF · 2021-02-27T04:30:33+00:00

Who are these guys?

Cultural_Training249 · 2021-02-27T12:40:39+00:00

Exactly! I never heard my father being asked or told to cook dinner, vacuum the floors, clean the kitchen or cut grass, do laundry etc. I just saw my father get up and do it. Oh, hear him exclaim to himself...Why is the house a mess and get to work. I never heard anyone in the house girls or boys being told that they had to clean because it was their job because of their gender. It was required because it was all of our homes.

DontBeerTheReaper · 2021-02-27T12:46:08+00:00

Don't make me have to delegate and assign you tasks to do like I would to a child unless you want me to lose all attraction for you. Use your damn eyes and see that the sink full of dishes need to be moved to the dishwashe! Biggest turn off ever is having to be the house manager.

eleguagirl · 2021-02-27T12:37:54+00:00

This is true, men don’t seem to want to accept that thinking for them is still a lot of pressure for the woman and not egalitarian at all. I had an ex who would always ask what he needed to do next. Like wow, how about you not be lazy af and think for yourself? And well, thank god he’s an ex ☺️☺️

deep_faked_beans · 2021-02-27T12:53:39+00:00

Too many men say their partner should have told them to do whatever it is, I've seen lots of people on twox say things along the lines of 'if you can't communicate you shouldn't be in a relationship'. It places all the blame on the woman in the situation. It's like some men would rather be treated like children than just do their fair share of housework.

Colour_riot · 2021-02-27T07:59:39+00:00

He hit the nail on taking equal responsibility as project manager of the house.

My dad's a HVM, he did everything that my mum told him to, AND he grew up actually having to cook and clean for his siblings (NVM of a grandad meant that grandma was working 3 jobs), but even in my teen years, if my mum was away for a few days, the men suddenly reverted into not being able to mobilize themselves well (though they were capable of feeding and cleaning themselves)

However she never let up on pointing out how it's a joint responsibility, and now the entire family, boys included, clean up after themselves and agree on chores. If anyone messes up, it's now my dad who's on their case, not my mum.

The_Oracle_of_Delphi · 2021-02-27T13:44:43+00:00

My last relationship ended because my boyfriend REFUSED to help with household chores. I asked him to do one thing only: to clean the dishes after dinner. I did literally everything else to run that household, including cooking all our meals. He was irate that I dared to ask him that, and wouldn’t do it. Meanwhile, if we went to visit his mother and she offered us dinner, he would jump up to do the dishes afterwards! That was how I realized that (a) he does actually know how to perform basic household chores and (b) he only does them for people he respects - which apparently didn’t include me. Male partners really do think that we exist TO SERVE THEM. And they won’t treat their own mothers or sisters this way - just us. We’re supposed to be their life partners, but we actually rank lowest on their list of valued relationships. His contempt for me became so clear that I could no longer pretend otherwise. And I realize that I have felt this contempt from previous partners, but I tried to push that uncomfortable feeling away. Now I will be watching for it, and if I see that contempt - I’m out the door.

myeggsarebig · 2021-02-27T10:50:02+00:00

This is why I never paid my sons to do housework. It’s life. You clean up after yourself, and participate in daily family operations. That’s it. No one gets a cookie for making the most basic contributions to the family. Everyone is supposed to “do life.” In all my years as a sahm, once I finished eating, after cooking, I went to my room and let the men finish up. No one asked me what to do bc it was built in. If there a mess in the house, especially a mess you’ve benefited from, get your damn hands dirty and do what’s right!!

throwaway32132134 · 2021-02-27T04:43:52+00:00

I feel like when men say "tell me what to do" it speaks on having a lack of respect for their partner. If they were coming from a respectful place they would not need to be asked. They would just naturally think about their partner and help without being asked or just come in and start helping. If there is respect there, then if their partner is for example cutting carrots they will just come in and start helping with peeling the next carrots. If there is respect THEY WILL WANT TO HELP YOU. Consistently and without being asked because they want to make you happy.

Mind-Objective · 2021-02-27T13:12:08+00:00

I love this

xNayxNayx · 2021-02-27T13:31:35+00:00

Just. Do. The. Dishes.

gummmybean · 2021-02-27T11:00:06+00:00

This is also true for childcare and event planning (especially holidays). Like, how often does a mother pick out and buy all the Christmas gifts for the kids, extended family, etc?

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-02-27T10:41:02+00:00

This exactly nails it!!!! Thanks for sharing

gingerwabisabi · 2021-02-28T02:00:07+00:00

I feel like if guys are so intent on making us the project manager, then fine, we'll assign you 90% of the work and do 10% ourselves while also managing your work. That might be fair.

Title	Why “50/50” is so often still unequal...
Author	academinx
Upvotes	1752
Comments	91
Date	February 27, 2021 3:11 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ltevk9/why_5050_is_so_often_still_unequal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-5050-is-so-often-still-unequal.745824 https://theredarchive.com/post/745824