Women who dislike the concept of virginity and think it shouldn't matter. Do you hold these views for male virgins as well?

Kalvaire · 2021-03-30T15:58:55+00:00

I actually want a male virgin because I am a virgin myself. My concept of sex is an act that involves a lot of trust (probably through marriage or at least engagement) which I can only find within someone who aligns with my views (abstinence). I want our first time to feel special. It’s really annoying when men want to fuck around and expect to marry a virgin. If I made the effort to wait I wish my future hubby would to. Looking at today’s dating market with hypergamy, pump and dump and all that bullshit I think I’m due for a life of celibacy and cats.

IcarusKiki · 2021-03-30T16:20:49+00:00

I do not care about male virginity. My bf was a virgin before we became official and I was fine with it.

Novadina · 2021-03-30T17:01:30+00:00

Yes, I think virginity is irrelevant for men and women.

Yes, I have dated virgins.

NarniaFox · 2021-03-30T15:10:44+00:00

I don't support the obsession with virginity whether it's about men or women. Sex shouldn't boil down just to PIV. It's far more nuanced and people who don't or can't practice penetration still can have sex.

My husband and I both didn't have prior experience, I didn't see anything wrong with it, so yes to your second question.

avoiding_a_stalker · 2021-03-31T00:56:51+00:00

Yes, I hold the same views on make virgins. I would and have dated male virgins, though I’m not sure how many as I don’t ask about previous partners. I know there’ve been at least two because they brought it up, though I’m not sure beyond that

Sid_Insidious · 2021-03-30T17:55:52+00:00

I was a virgin until I was 24 and deeply immersed in purity culture. While I think there should be a lot of thought put into beginning to date and becoming sexuality active, I agree virginity is unhelpful as a concept. I think the focus should be on being healthy enough to set boundaries, communicate needs, feeling comfortable setting a pace that makes you comfortable and properly vetting men's intentions before starting to date.

Yes of course the same should be true for boys.

Men in our culture would be so much healthier if they were taught they should wait until they are comfortable to start dating/sex instead of that their whole value as a male comes from their ability to be as sexually active as possible.

honeydewmelonz · 2021-03-31T05:23:57+00:00

I’d prefer to date male virgins actually. I think it would be nice to finally date a guy that understands and isn’t pushy. I want to marry a virgin like myself because we’re both inexperienced but we’d be able to learn together. But they’re pretty much unicorns. All of the guys that I’ve gotten to know have had numerous partners and they seem...jaded in a way.

Ohmaygahh · 2021-03-31T14:11:02+00:00

They said losing your virginity is dumb because you don't actually lose anything and nothing really changes. They said it's just a tool to control women.

That's the stupidest, laziest thing I've ever heard. It impacts A LOT. Good or bad, it sets the tone for all future sexual relationships for women... It is the curse of experience, once you open a door, you cannot un-open it, and can never return back to the person you were before you "opened" the door. The knowledge forever stays in your psyche.

Slipthe · 2021-03-31T16:21:40+00:00

It's easy for me to say yes I would, because I have.

But not all virgin men are the same. I don't think the virginity would be a reason not to date someone, but rather their behavior.

Frankly if I asked a guy how many women he's been with and he says "none" I'd be relieved because hearing a large number would be gross and make me second guess sex with them.

Sage_Planter · 2021-03-30T15:16:17+00:00

I've never given this concept any thought.

As a woman in my early thirties, I'd be pretty hesitant to date a male virgin. This answer would have been different ten years ago. If someone is a virgin at my age, it is a red flag as it likely means they've had very limited relationship experience or are waiting for religious reasons, neither of which I'm compatible with. I dated two men who were extremely inexperienced both in relationships and in the bedroom about five or six years ago (within a year of one another). The lack of sexual inexperience was a smaller problem than their lack of dating experience. It felt like I was reliving my awkward college dating years, and I didn't have the patience to teach them how to partner.

GridReXX · 2021-03-30T15:22:50+00:00

I couldn’t care about someone’s sex life before me. If I find a person attractive, how would I know their sex life???

I like the man first. His sexual experience status does not matter or play a part in this.

I don’t think many men can relate to this because for a lot of men “her sexual purity” and “naïveté” is an operative aspect as to why he likes her.

I don’t crave a man’s sexual purity or sexual promiscuity. Hence none of that matters to me.

“Virginity” is a concept upheld by men.

They care about female virginity because of an unconscious paternity insecurity.
They care about being called a virgin by their peers because they 1) crave sex a lot and 2) they tie having sex with women to their masculinity and we know that masculine identity is precarious and fragile.

SmurfESmurferson · 2021-03-30T15:33:10+00:00

The concept of virginity is stupid. And incredibly easy to fake

It’s also incredibly harmful - if you haven’t read Elizabeth Smart’s comments about throw the Mormon obsession with virginity was a huge stumbling block that actually prolonged her trauma and prevented her healing, do it. The poor girl went through enough, she really shouldn’t have had that on her shoulders, too

I’ve known of one guy my age who is a virgin, and he’s a pretty cool guy. I’m not really sure if he’s asexual or an incel, but whatever. It doesn’t matter to me at all

SaBahRub · 2021-03-30T15:18:26+00:00

Women aren’t the ones making a big deal about sex and how having it is the only thing that matters

Punished-Atlas-B · 2021-03-30T15:59:11+00:00

theres no such thing as male virginity

Bastayaporfa · 2021-03-30T16:11:08+00:00

I wouldn't have an issue with dating a male virgin from the perspective of being attractive to them. My only concern would be that there tends to be insecurity and a bit of jealousy on the less experienced persons behalf. It can make the relationship seem unbalanced so it would depend on the individual.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-03-30T16:11:09+00:00

Totally. The bigger issue I would have is that I wouldn't want to sleep with a virgin who ALSO prized their virginity and might turn the experience into something more meaningful than it is to me.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-03-30T16:17:32+00:00

Women who dislike the concept of virginity and think it shouldn't matter. Do you hold these views for male virgins as well?

No

Would you date a male virgin?

No

superlurkage · 2021-03-30T15:58:54+00:00

When you proclaim loudly, constantly and repeatedly that X is the most important thing in the world, we are going to judge a bit more when you can’t obtain X

athrowaway283222 · 2021-03-30T17:18:07+00:00

Would you date a male virgin?

yes i'm not a hypocrite and matching inexperience is preferred as long as it's not accompanied by bitterness

thelajestic · 2021-03-30T15:24:21+00:00

Yeah, I don't think you're losing anything and it's a stupid concept.

However, having sex does bring you experience. For that reason I wouldn't date a guy that had never had sex because at this age they probably put too much stock in virginity (probably wouldn't want to date me either in fairness) and also I'm not really interested in walking someone through sex. When I was 17-21 or so I both dated and slept with virgins, it's obviously not really an issue when younger.

ImaniX_ · 2021-03-30T16:28:33+00:00

Men are encouraged to be pieces of shit that have slept with lots of women. Women are encouraged to stay virgins 🙄

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LittyKitsune · 2021-03-30T15:51:24+00:00

I don't think virginity itself is important so much as compatibility of beliefs, morals, lifestyle, etc. Virginity often serves as a proxy for whether or not you're compatible in those areas but it's not the end-all be-all. I get pretty wary when people start to elevate virginity for its own sake or make it some kind of personal vanity project to be their partner's first in everything.

Given where I am in life the vast majority of guys who share my beliefs are also virgins, so it's a solid proxy. I wouldn't completely rule out a non-virgin as long as his beliefs are closer to mine now.

cowfishAreReal · 2021-03-30T18:17:45+00:00

Yes, couldn't care less if guys are virgins or not. My partner was a virgin before we started dating

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-03-30T22:21:50+00:00

I use the word “virginity” colloquially, but I understand that it’s kind of a myth and not inclusive of all sexual orientations. Most people agree that losing your virginity requires penetration, but that sexually active lesbians aren’t virgins, so right there that shows me it has no real meaning! “Sexual debut” is better but it just sounds so pretentious ya know? When I say “virgin,” I mean someone with no sexual experience at all.

And yeah, my views extend to men as well as women. I think we need to quit focusing so much female and male virginity both. Sex can carry a lot of meaning, but that’s not just your first time.

I’m 28 and don’t date younger than 25, so it’s highly unlikely I’d be dating a virgin at this point. If they were, it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker but I’d want to understand why. Back when I was 18-20? No problem. I was very inexperienced myself.

nemma88 · 2021-03-31T00:41:26+00:00

Would you date a male virgin?

Yes, I did, he was late 20's.

The sex wasn't a problem, but the lack of relationship experience was.

mistresswhat · 2021-03-30T17:08:30+00:00

Virginity isn't real for anyone but I probably wouldn't date someone super sexually inexperienced. I'm old enough that it's a red flag if someone has held off this long and I've gotten accustomed to men with a certain baseline of knowledge.

I have a thing about religious men so the idea of seducing an Evangelical and getting him to give up his commitment to God is actually super hot in theory but sounds like a disaster IRL.

nemporisso · 2021-03-30T15:41:42+00:00

Yeah of course, if he's someone whose company I enjoy.

4D-Alien · 2021-03-30T19:34:44+00:00

a male virgin is a lot different than a female virgin. two totally different beasts

Peppers05 · 2021-03-30T20:44:01+00:00

I wouldn’t date a male virgin. He isn’t experienced and I don’t want to teach him that much. It’s like why I wouldn’t want to be someone’s first girlfriend. You want them to have experiences first

poppy_blu · 2021-03-30T21:53:06+00:00

What does “dislike the concept is virginity” mean? That’s like disliking the concept of red hair. It exists whether you dislike it or not.

If you mean dislike the idea that women are judged more harshly for their sexual activity, yeah. Doesn’t require 180 IQ to figure out why women have an issue with this.

As to your question would I date a male virgin. As a teenager and Virgin myself, of course. I did. At 45 there would have to be some extraordinary circumstances to explain why a man my age is a Virgin that isn’t about him being hella weird and an undesirable partner. But under those circumstances, sure. I’d probably like showing him the ropes :-)

throwaway82643898 · 2021-03-30T22:15:16+00:00

Men objectify women like a car. If it’s used, it automatically loses value.

DXBrigade · 2021-03-30T22:22:16+00:00

I don't have a lot of experience so I don't mind dating a male virgin.

That said, it's not hypocrite to dislike the concept of virginity and not want to date a virgin man.

Substantial_Wasabi · 2021-03-30T23:40:55+00:00

I do think the concept of virginity is weird and gross for men and women.

However, i would not date a male virgin because i like to have good sex and i dont want to teach a man what to do, as i am very submissive in bed.

relish5k · 2021-03-31T01:11:34+00:00

Virginity means different things for men and women, and is just much more tied to being female than to being male. Male virginity as a concept is newer than female virginity. The term virgin used to be synonymous with unmarried, sexually inexperienced woman. Early usage of the term "virginity" didn't start appearing for men until much later in the written record compared to women. When it does appear with regards to men it's usually with regards to clergy / holy martial orders breaking their vows of chastity - not pre-marital sex.

The expectation of male virginity outside marriage correlates with the rise of the Protestant reformation, and syphilis. The church was always against everyone having sex all the time but the reformation took things up a notch, and then you have the puritans and the shakers turning the dial to 11. And when syphilis started gaining traction it became more important than ever for men to keep it in their pants outside of wedlock.

Now to actually answer your question, I think it would be weird to date a virgin but I'm 33. If a male my age was dating a virgin, that would be equally strange.

annabeelongx · 2021-03-31T01:14:17+00:00

I would’ve loved to be a guys first. My only fear is him getting FOMO so that’s why a guy will a small n count is more attractive to me

theskincoatsalesman · 2021-03-31T02:25:19+00:00

Absolutely. I think its really gross to say, “don’t shame a woman for not being a virgin” and then to turn around and insult a man for bring a virgin. I think its pretty gross to make fun of someone for not having had sex, and that entire mindset is sometimes why some people develop resentment to the point of hatred of women entirely.

I’m not one to date, but as a veteran slut, I can confidently say the number of partners a man has had doesn’t necessarily mean he’s better in bed.

And as for like, would I sleep with a male virgin, if he was open to it, absolutely! I don’t really take people’s sexual experience into account for anything other than assessing if its ethical to sleep with them. Like if I’m not willing to properly commit, I’m a little more hesitant to sleep with a virgin without first really talking about it, because I know just because I don’t value my virginity does not mean someone else doesn’t value theirs.

Very long answer, I apologize. Lol

throwingwearethrowin · 2021-03-31T05:51:29+00:00

I don’t know why, but if I were to “take” a male virgins virginity, I think I would get him to nut and lick the tip while it’s super sensitive right afterwards.

anonaccount202 · 2021-03-31T07:32:36+00:00

Yea but honestly I never really thought it mattered until my last new partner. He was super ugly but when he ate my pussy he was really good at it. And I wondered how. After I came he told me about having sex starting at 8. (He's 31 now.) I guess that's how, but I never thought experience mattered at all or made a difference in performance before him.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-03-31T20:56:02+00:00

[removed]

jenaemare · 2021-04-01T01:24:40+00:00

Male virgins are great but mostly only for casual sex. In relationships they get frustrated if their partner is more experienced and want to go out and gain experience themselves

blueXcat · 2021-04-01T12:44:55+00:00

It's not about virginity, but experience

I wouldn't date a person who had sex only a handful of times

Virginity doesn't exist, it's just not having done something

If I was still early 20s or earlier, it would be different. But I'm in my 30s, I don't want to teach

NeonGyllenhaal · 2021-04-19T06:28:35+00:00

Shirley_Schmidthoe · 2021-03-30T17:19:30+00:00

I don't think it's a "tool to control women".

I simply indeed don't hold credence to things that I can't physically observe; the same holds for male virginity.

It's also a dumb semantics debate with all sorts of different definitions of what losing one's virginity means, and I dislike that ever mean.

Would you date a male virgin? If not, for what reasons?

No, I don't "date", dumb semantics game again—gender and virginity have nothing to do with that.

Title	Women who dislike the concept of virginity and think it shouldn't matter. Do you hold these views for male virgins as well?
Author	SnooSeagull
Upvotes	24
Comments	283
Date	March 30, 2021 1:34 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/mgg53s/women_who_dislike_the_concept_of_virginity_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-who-dislike-the-concept-of-virginity-and.766382 https://theredarchive.com/post/766382

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