So I've been a feminist since I was a young kid, and I currently work at an agency that provides services to survivors of domestic violence (EDIT 2- additional info removed due to privacy concerns). This is a throwaway because I'm a little nervous about posting here, but I've been on reddit for 6 years.

My coworkers and I have been increasingly infuriated as we work with men and transmen when we are faced with the fact over and over again of how few resources are open to male survivors of violence.

The the state I'm currently has zero beds for men who are survivors in terms of DV shelters. They can try their luck at a homeless shelter, or literally be homeless if they don't have friends and family.

The precipitating factor behind this post is that my coworkers and I are currently pooling money out of our own pockets to put a man up in a hotel for a few days while we try and get him set up in a homeless shelter that will agree to keep his name confidential and has at least some sort of screening for the people who can come in.

His partner is scary, deranged even, and I'm so grateful he's alive. EDIT 2 - Removed potentially identifying info.

It makes me so upset that this brave and resilient man doesn't get the same type of wrap-around support that a DV shelter would provide to a woman in the same situation.

I'm not asking for money, but my coworkers and I are determined to not go another year with the same lack of resources for men.

We've written several grant applications in the last few months, and we're currently working on a formal request to submit to all the hotels in the state asking for vouchers, and we're trying to set up a host home type of network where people donate their cabins or vacation homes, or empty rental units for up to a month for survivors.

I am asking for any experience anyone else has in this field - has anyone done something similar? Does anyone know of any states/shelters that do have an inclusive service model? I've found three shelters in CA that provide beds to men, but that is literally all I've found in my research.

We're also discussing starting an online media campaign (as an office full of feminists) to try and raise awareness about male survivors. I'm open to ideas to how that should look.

I feel like this could be a really good opportunity to bridge the gap between feminists and MRA. My anger at the situation stems from my feminism, my firm belief in gender equity, and abolishing rigid gender norms. But I also see this as a unique chance for some collaboration, or least brainstorming.

What do y'all think?

EDIT - I've gotten a lot of questions about why I'm a feminist and not an egalitarian or a humanist, as well as some kind of nasty replies. Here's what I'll say on the topic. I got into feminism at the age of 8, as a very smart kid who was being abused by both my parents (my brothers weren't) and bullied horribly at school. I was told "girls can't do that, girls can't do this". I had to sit quietly and look pretty while my brothers got to be rough and tumble. I had to do all the household chores while my brothers got to play outside. I got told I was too bossy, that my handwriting was too messy, that no one would ever want to marry a "smart" girl like me.

I learned more about feminism in college, where we discussed in my sociology of gender class how rigid gender norms harm both men and women. The idea that men can't/shouldn't experience violence is directly related to the idea that men are strong, aggressive and women are nurturing and weak. We talked about 3rd wave multicultural feminism (that is COMPLETELY separate from 2nd wave rad fems who do often seem to hate men).

I'm a feminist because I can't walk down the street in the summer without someone street harassing me. I honestly don't mind the whistles and the harmless "damn girl." I do mind someone telling me "You look like you need to get raped." Edit 2 - This has only happened twice, but it is damn scary.

I'm a feminist because I literally fought off a would be rapist in school by grabbing his frying pan that was on the stove top and hitting him the head, and when I went to the police I was told I should never have gone to his apartment in the first place, and was almost prosecuted for assault (he had injuries, I didn't).

I'm a feminist because of how few women are in the government at state and local levels, and how few are in the boardrooms of companies. Because if my name were gender neutral I'd be more likely to be hired.

As a feminist, I recognize that women are disadvantaged in some ways and privileged in others. Men too, are privileged in some ways, and disadvantaged in others. If the name I call myself means that you wouldn't want to work on an issue that directly effects men, then... I'll work with people who are less rigid.

EDIT 2 - This is overall a positive experience and I've really enjoyed the vast majority of the comments and conversation, but I've started to get some a few really nasty PMS and one person trying to figure out my identity - which is why I didn't post on my regular account, between prior posts on that account and info I thought was relevant to share here, someone could definitely find my place of work and my identity. If I get a media outlet to cover this story, I'll keep you all updated which would mean revealing my identity but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Overall though I've been blown away at the compassion and empathy and willingness to reach across the aisle, for lack of a better term, that I've seen here. I've definitely had to check some assumptions I made about this sub and the MRA movement in general. I imagine that the vitriolic ideologues in your movement are much like the vitriolic ideologues in mine - they give us all a bad name. Please keep the constructive comments coming, and I'll be reporting threats as they come.

EDIT 3 For those still following or new to this thread, this is the response I got from a national contact - Hey all – sorry to be catching up on this late. If the programs denied shelter due to the survivor’s gender, that’s cause for a complaint to be filed to the Department of Justice’s Office of Civil Rights, as it’s now a civil rights violation to deny services to men under the new LGBTQ provisions in the Violence Against Women Act (you can have sex-segregated services but need to provide comparable alternative services to men). [Name Redacted] and [Name Redacted] – if you’d be interested in filing a complaint (which I would recommend, because the interpretation would have national impact), let me know and I’m happy to help you in that process.

So it looks like we're going to contact the justice department. I'm also in the process of figuring out what sort of proof to send to the mods and possibly linking to a fundraiser. We have gotten quite a few donations from churches and other contacts so far today so the financial situation is improving. My only concern with an online fundraiser would be if somehow the abuser saw it and then had confirmation that our client is in this city with us... We'll keep brainstorming over here and I'll keep you all updated if you're interested.